The Introvert Advantage: How Quiet People Can Thrive in an Extrovert World Paperback – February 1, 2002
by Marti Olsen Laney (Author)
4.6 out of 5 stars 989 ratings
330 pages
An insightful, empowering guide to making the most of your hidden strengths.
Are you energized by spending time alone? In meetings, do you need to be asked for your opinions and ideas? Do you tend to notice details that other people miss? Is your ideal celebration a small get-together rather than a big party? Do you often feel like a tortoise surrounded by hares?
The good news is, you’re an introvert. The better news is that by celebrating the inner strengths and uniqueness of being introverted, The Introvert Advantage shows introverts how to work with instead of against their temperament to enjoy a well-lived life. Covering relationships, parenting—including parenting an introverted child—socializing, and the workplace, here are coping strategies, tactics for managing energy, and hundreds of valuable tips for not only surviving but truly thriving in an extrovert world.
“Filled with Aha! moments of recognition, Dr. Laney’s book will help millions of introverts understand why they are misunderstood, learn to appreciate who they are, and develop a just-right life in a world where extroverts once ruled.” —Paul D. Tieger, coauthor of Do What You Are
“In a world of shock jocks, screaming rock stars, and sensational journalism, this book dispels the myth that only the loud and flamboyant get ahead. Its clear, step-by-step advice will help introverts recognize and capitalize on their unique strengths.” —Dr. Bernardo J. Carducci, author of Shyness: A Bold New Approach
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"Filled with Aha! moments of recognition, Dr. Laney's book will help millions of introverts . . ." -- Paul D. Tieger, co-author of Do What You Are
"Its clear, step-by-step advice will help introverts recognize and capitalize on their unique strengths." -- Dr. Bernardo J. Carducci, author of Shyness: A Bold New Approach
About the Author
Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D., is a researcher, educator, author, and psychotherapist. One of America’s foremost authorities on introversion, she speaks and leads workshops on the topic in the United States and Canada. She and her extroverted husband have two grown daughters and four grandchildren. They live in Portland, Oregon.
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Product details
Publisher : Workman Publishing Company; 1st edition (February 1, 2002)
Language : English
Paperback : 330 pages
ISBN-10 : 0761123695
ISBN-13 : 978-0761123699
Item Weight : 15.9 ounces
Dimensions : 6 x 0.76 x 9 inches
Best Sellers Rank: #47,212 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
#64 in Popular Developmental Psychology
#237 in Communication Skills
#250 in Popular Psychology Personality Study
Customer Reviews: 4.6 out of 5 stars 989 ratings
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Marti Olsen Laney
Marti Olsen Laney, Psy.D., is a researcher, educator, author, and psychotherapist. One of America's foremost authorities on introversion, she speaks and leads workshops on the topic in the United States and Canada. She and her extroverted husband have two grown daughters and four grandchildren. They live in Portland, Oregon.
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introvert advantage nothing wrong highly recommend must read extroverted world introverts and extroverts extroverted world years ago olsen laney marti olsen aha moments introversion and extroversion susan cain well written book helped easy to read great book social situations friends and family thrive in an extrovert
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soundstudio
1.0 out of 5 stars Insulting
Reviewed in the United States on June 8, 2017
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The title The Introvert Advantage tricks you into picking it up by making you think there's actually some sort of secret advantage or gift that introverts have. Sadly, that advantage is never truly revealed. Very disappointing, strike one. Next, the book is very choppy and not a very organized or cohesive reading experience. It also uses overly cutesy language like, "innies" "outies" and various other lame phrases. Strike two. And at the end of the book the author basically says that it's okay to be an introvert (for the hundredth time) but that sometimes you have to be an extrovert, and then gives you advice on how to get out there and enjoy life more. Wow. I was basically beyond done at this point. Strike three, you're out.
Are you kidding me? I just read this entire book of cuddly wuddly stories and various pats on the back about how it's okay to be an introvert, all for her to flip the table over and go- oh well you're actually gonna have to be like an extrovert sometimes. Bleh. Also, since when do extroverts make up 75% of the population and introverts only 25%? Most other sources I see have it estimated about equally at 50/50, which would make more sense that it's pretty balanced. I suppose the excuse for this misinformation is that the book is simply outdated. It kept going on and on about how we live in an extrovert world and you'd think we'd get some useful information on how great it is to be an introvert but it's really not like that at all in this book, it's surprisingly borderline condescending.
The beginning of the book had some decent information, but then as soon as it started getting into relationship issues, it completely nose dived, even though I still continued reading hoping that this "advantage" would be revealed. Most of the book was just cobbled together situations and repetitive ramblings offering very obvious advice. I'm talking basic common sense stuff that the author apparently seemed to think was worth including. I'm not kidding, near the end of the book the author gives us lists of things to do. For example when we go outside we should have all these things to take with us such as chapstick and an umbrella if it rains. Yes, because this is not useless advice at all. Terrible. Besides, much of the supposed advice seems geared toward single moms or moms who work part time, certainly not the average working man.
At one point early on the author even tells the reader that if you want to, go ahead and skip around and skim through pages. Why on earth would any author say this to their reader? For crying out loud, sell your book. Convince me why I should read it, don't tell me just to skip around if I want. And that pretty much sums it up, it's a book not worth reading.
My advice- do not read this book, you will be disappointed and quite possibly very insulted. This is a poor book about introverts that unfortunately turns into a really lame self help book with a confusing message. This will not satisfy your itch to learn more about introversion and have a deeper understanding of yourself. It fails to deliver the goods, and if anything it further causes confusion and misunderstandings, and that's something that Introverts really don't need.
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David Misterek
3.0 out of 5 stars It should be called "The Introvert Disadvantage"
Reviewed in the United States on September 21, 2016
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While the book helped me understand why as an introvert my energy level gets depleted faster than that of an extrovert what I really got out of the book is that introverts have major shortcomings. The author provides examples of practical exercises to do to survive in a world of extroverts. Most of those exercises work only for women and if you only work part time. If you have a full time job with deadlines you simply don't have time for breathing exercises, long walks, or aromatherapy. Towards the end of the book she teaches introverts how to be more extroverted. There were some good nuggets of scientific research the author quoted but the overall message was disappointing.
The book left me feeling like I have major short comings as an introvert and I just need to accept the fact that I'm at a disadvantage.
For one third of the price I thought it would have been worth the purchase.
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Kristin B.Top Contributor: Activewear
HALL OF FAMEVINE VOICE
4.0 out of 5 stars There is Nothing Wrong with Being an Introvert!
Reviewed in the United States on January 8, 2016
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Up until a few years ago, I never really thought much about the idea that people are either introverts or extroverts. Of course, I noticed that some people are more outgoing than others but I never really considered why exactly that is. Now that I am in my mid 30s and raising a family, I am examining my personality more and thinking about why I am the way I am. When my husband and I started talking about it, we discovered we are both introverts and suddenly, everything made sense! That would explain why I disliked group projects in school so much and why I would dread giving speeches in class. I started becoming more interested in learning about the differences between introverts and extroverts and came upon this book. Let me point out that I have never read other books on introverts so I don't have any others to compare it to. However, I decided the reviews looked good and I should try to branch out of my normal preference for fiction novels so I purchased this book.
One of the most interesting facts I immediately picked up in this book is that 75% of people are extroverts which means only 25% are introverts. It makes sense then why so many of our daily activities are more extrovert-centered and why introverts may think something is wrong with them. The truth is, there is nothing wrong with introverts. This book helps to explain that the brains of introverts and extroverts are different and thus, we process everything at different speeds and different ways. While I was reading this book, I could picture some of my friends and family who fit the personality traits of those mentioned in the book and it made it easier for me to understand the information presented.
I like how the book is organized, even though at times some of the information seemed a bit daunting. The book is organized in three parts and within those three parts are a total of ten chapters. The book starts about by defining the ways in which introverts differ from extroverts then goes on to discuss ways in which we can thrive in the "outie" (extrovert) world but at the same time still be ourselves. There are sections for handling relationships, parenting, friendships, and jobs which I found helpful since I can go back and read a section that I feel is particularly useful to me. I enjoyed the author's occasional humor inserted into the book which added a little bit of zest for me. In the beginning the author states that you can read the book cover to cover or skip around and read whichever sections sound appealing. I chose to read the entire book and, because I am used to reading fiction novels from cover to cover, I didn't anticipate just how much information I would be taking in all at once with more of a self-help type of book. It probably would have been more beneficial to me to read a chapter here and there so I could have more time to process all of the interesting information. I will most likely just go back and reread the sections I want to review.
Overall, I found this book to be a good resource so I can understand more about myself and how I can tweak certain things I do in order to still enjoy social activities and thrive out in the world without having to exhaust my energy constantly. This book would be a good read for any introvert wanting to learn more about their personality as well as extroverts who want to understand how introverts work. It certainly helped me to understand personalities a bit more and how I can interact with extroverts and still enjoy my own activities. I'm proud to be an introvert!
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ieva veiveryte
5.0 out of 5 stars its nice to know that you being a weardo is actually quite ok
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 18, 2020
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i am on page 60, taking it easy, but already feeling nice and cosy knowing that, first of, i am weard for a reason and, second, there is nothing wrong with that. its nice to read 'we', instead of 'those people' and its really good material for both introverts and extroverts. for some reason people neglect the fact that they might be innies (as they are called in the book), but for me it was just a confirmation of what i had a very deep feeling about already, so i can just say, I AM PROUD TO BE INTROVERT. much recommended material to read.
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mushrooms
4.0 out of 5 stars I liked it
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 15, 2012
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I'm an introvert, and have never seen it a downside. I know our Americanised, Hollywood-inspired society is critical of introverts, but I've never fallen into the trap of "groupthink". I've always maintained that the world's best philosophers, writers, composers and scientists were introverts - people with the capability to "think outside the box". So why did I bother buying the book? Because I wanted someone else to back up my argument that introverts really are the "intellectual elite" and that there's nothing at all inferior about or wrong with us. I wanted it, I got it!
There was a lot I didn't know before reading this book. For example, the author explains the neurological differences between intro and extroverts - extroverts relying on the well-known neurotransmitter dopamine, and introverts relying on the lesser-known acetrycholine. She also explains that there are structural differences in our brains and that introverts use their frontal lobes more than extroverts, a logical explanation for our careful planning and "think before you speak" attitude. The author also highlights bias in studies that have been designed to "prove" that extroverts are happier. She points out that the studies (presumably designed by extroverts) only asked questions such as "I like to be with others" and "I'm fun to be with" rather than how introverts would define happiness - "I'm comfortable in my own skin", "I'm free to pursue my own path".
I gave the book four, rather than five stars because I didn't really find the "advice" part useful. She does give some useful advice, such as polite excuses for avoiding company, but I found other bits patronising such as in the "Introvert Survival Kit" at the end of the book, where she instructs us to carry umbarellas "in case the sun bothers you" and a colourful ski headband "in case the wind hurts your ears". I'm an academic, not a hitchhiker!
Other than my last criticism, the book was very well-written. Much recommended!
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blackmoon13
4.0 out of 5 stars Good in Parts, probably useful if you are new to the subject.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 6, 2012
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When I started to read this book I thought it was so simple that even an extrovert should be able to understand it.
I suppose the big problem we introverts have in life is not so much that extroverts just don't get us, but even if you explain it in really, really simple words, they are just not that interested.
The most useful section for me was the chapter that showed the very different ways in which the brains of introverts and extroverts work. Yes it's true, our brains actually are wired up differently and have different chemistry. The diagrams that showed which parts of the brain are used by the 2 types clearly show that extroverts don't really use their thinking, planning, learning and reasoning parts a lot, so my reaction to that was "YES!!!!! That proves they really aren't as intelligent!!!". After I had done my typical introverted mulling process on this, I realized that an extrovert reading that would only focus on the slower/longer brain pathway of introverts and think "YES!!!! that proves they really are slower and therefore stupider!!!"Hmmmmm Guess who would have the last word?
I liked the sections that showed how the 2 types can misunderstand each other and find each other irritating. As this book is really only focusing on this one aspect of personality typing, it is a little simplistic. There is a reference to the difference between right-brain and left-brain thinkers, that gives a little more depth, so there is a sense in which not all introverts are the same, but for me the book was generally a bit too simplistic. The author is a therapist with many years experience and she gives a lot of tips on how to manage situations where conflicting styles and needs can cause problems between the 2 types. I found this (latter) end of the book less and less interesting and eventually abandoned it. She focuses so much on the fact that introverts are made tired by over-stimulating activities,and gives tips on how to conserve your energy and pace yourself that in the end I began to feel that Introversion IS indeed a kind of disability. This is not how I experience my own introversion at all. On any psychometric testing system I come out as 100% introverted and a right brain thinker too. But I do not have low energy, I can talk and think fast, I enjoy being physically active, as long as it is in a way that suits my nature, (so no high-adrenalin or competitive activities). It is not that my energy is any less than that of an extrovert, I just use it for different things.
There is one small section where the author talks about dealing with disappointment that you can't do as much as the extroverts around you. Like- why would I be disappointed if I can't go bungee-jumping or to 3 parties in one weekend? I'd be disappointed if I had to waste my time at things like that when I could be writing or going for long walks or meditating and praying, or having 'real' conversations with other introverted friends instead of that time-wasting chitchat. The only disappointment you have to deal with is that of the extroverts around you.
If readers are interested in this subject then the books of Dorothy Rowe, another psychologist based in UK who has written extensively on how key this basic difference of temperament is to dealing with mental health problems are really worth reading. She defines it as a different way of experiencing reality rather than to do with where you draw your energy from, so there is less emphasis on being tired and slow. I also found The Highly Sensitive Person had advice about how to keep your energy going in over-stimulating situations that did not make it feel so much a disability.
I still think this book is a good one for those who are new to this whole area and need to be told they are normal, and I am intending to give it to a young friend who needs to learn how to deal with his highly extroverted partner.
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