If the Buddha Were in Love by Charlotte Sophia Kasl - Audible.com.au

If the Buddha Were in Love by Charlotte Sophia Kasl - Speech - Audible.com.au



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If the Buddha Were in Love
By: Charlotte Sophia Kasl
Narrated by: Charlotte Sophia Kasl
Length: 5 hrs and 44 mins
Speech
Release date: 03-11-2015
Language: English
Publisher: Sounds True
4.8 out of 5 stars4.8 (5 ratings)


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Publisher's Summary


Have you ever dreamed of creating more passion and fulfillment in your relationships without losing your spiritual life or sense of self in the process? According to clinical psychologist Charlotte Kasl, 

the keys to love that we're all looking for are the same ones that mystics and sages have used for centuries to open their hearts to the world around them.

Rich with insights from the Buddhist, Sufi, and Quaker traditions, If the Buddha Were in Love is a road map for anyone seeking to transform their relationships into the spiritual adventures of a lifetime. 

Join this best-selling author of If Buddha Married to explore a variety of practical insights and topics, including:

• The nine bonds of intimacy essential to every couple
• The chemistry - and mystery - of sexual attraction
• Lies we tell ourselves - how to get honest with yourself on the path of love
• The fear of intimacy and other obstacles to true connection

And more


Enriched with many insights from Dr. Kasl's own professional practice, If the Buddha Were in Love is a welcome guide for everyone seeking to transform a relationship into a true spiritual partnership.
©2001 Charlotte Sophia Kasl (P)2001 Charlotte Sophia Kasl
Love, Dating & AttractionBuddhism

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IF THE BUDDHA WERE IN LOVE: The Spiritual Guide to Love and Intimacy

Charlotte Kasl, , read by the author. . Sounds True, $29.95

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https://www.publishersweekly.com/9781564558695

Written in part as a response to that ubiquitous relationship guide, The Rules, this latest from psychotherapist and workshop leader Charlotte Kasl (Women, Sex, and Addiction)

aims "to give people another way to think about meeting and coming together." 

Claiming the point of all relationships is to help each other become our "biggest selves," Kasl, drawing upon major tenets of the Sufi, Quaker and Buddhist spiritual traditions, stresses the importance of self-awareness and responsibility in any successful pairing. 

Loaded with anecdotal evidence gleaned from 27 years of professional experience working alongside couples, and read with poise, warmth and humor, 

Kasl insightfully advises on noticing our "attachments," or expectations, 

and what common traits all "long-term loving couples" share, such as spontaneous praise. 

In addition, she probes red flag behaviors to look for in ourselves (hoping mate will change, fear of bringing up issues) and in others (jealousy, blaming and ongoing addictions).

 While some may be slightly put off by Kasl's frequent New-Agey references to a "universal energy," her sympathetic-sounding voice and genuinely practical strategies will endear her to most listeners. 

Cassettes are conveniently divided into specific "sessions," including 

• "Conflict Resolution," 
• "The I-Thou Relationship" and 
• "Sexuality," 

which makes it easy to return to a particularly helpful segment or to stop to complete an exercise, while lending a workshop feeling to the audio experience. (May)

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Overall
5 out of 5 stars
Performance
5 out of 5 stars
Story
5 out of 5 stars

Erin
24-02-2021

Gently Delivered Wholesome Information

I really enjoyed listening to this book, the content and the vocal tone, attitude and cadence felt like a snuggly caring embrace by a fire. So much awareness and acceptance of human nature yet also spot on guidance and poignant examples. It is full of grounded knowledge and practical info. Should be required reading for anyone romantically involved or hoping to be. Following what’s in this book could really help a lot of people be happier and that would lead to the world being a better place.

Overall
5 out of 5 stars
Performance
5 out of 5 stars
Story
5 out of 5 stars

Amazon Customer
10-02-2018

Insight full!

Enjoyed Charlotte's look into intimate relationships.
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Paula Sisson

5.0 out of 5 stars Yea, it's like that!

Reviewed in the United States on October 14, 2006

This tape hit a chord with me. If you are ready to accept that problems are half your fault and you really do want to stay with your partner, this tape might hit a chord with you too. She gives lots of techniques and approaches that are sensible, to me anyway. The examples of couples she uses to exemplify problems (wow that sounds just like so-in-so) and possible solutions are wonderful. 

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Many Roads One Journey: Kasl, Charlotte S: Amazon.com.au: Books

Many Roads One Journey: Moving Beyond the Twelve Steps : Kasl, Charlotte S: Amazon.com.au: Books




Many Roads One Journey: Moving Beyond the Twelve Steps Paperback – 17 June 1992
by Charlotte S Kasl (Author)
4.5 out of 5 stars 80 ratings


Paperback
$40.77
From the author of Women, Sex, and Addiction, a timely and controversial second look at 12-Step programs, helping all readers to draw on the steps' underlying wisdom, adapting them to their own experiences, beliefs, and sources of strength.



Review

""Many Roads, One Journey" is a pioneering work with a depth of insight and social consciousness that are rare in the addiction field, which all too often seeks simple answers for complex problems. Kasl's 16 steps for empowerment and her re-framing of codependency as Internalized oppression are gifts for "all" women." -- "Stephanie Covington, Ph.D., author of Leaving the Enchanted

 Forest""Dynamically moving beyond learned helplessness and the marketplace of fear, Dr. Kasl's courageous new book offers readers real choices-diverse empowerment alternatives for achieving and maintaining a high quality of life in recovery. This Is an essential and groundbreaking work." -- "James Christopher, founder and executive director of Secular Organizations for Sobriety/Save Our Selves (SOS), and author of How to Stay Sober and SOS Sobriety"

About the Author

Charlotte D. Kasl is a social activist and a psychologist at the forefront of the empowerment movement sweeping the recovery field. She lectures and leads workshops in the United States and abroad and lives near Missoula, MT.


Product details
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harper Perennial; 1st edition (17 June 1992)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 448 pages

From other countries

Amazon Customer

5.0 out of 5 stars LOVE THIS BOOK.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on 21 December 2022

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I was working a 12 step programme not for substance abuse but rather ' behavioural addiction.' As a survivor of domestic violence and other abuse I felt very triggered often and felt like the perpetrators should be working these steps!!! As one review mentions: 'The 12-step programme is great for calculating, manipulative, sociopathic / narcissistic male abusers and completely inappropriate for victimised women. ' I fully agree!!! :)

This book helped me to stop shaming myself and see that I have to find other avenues for my recovery. The only thing I like about the 12 steps is the fellows!! I have met many amazing women in fellowship!

 

Jeff

4.0 out of 5 stars Capitalism and Addiction

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on 9 August 2017

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There is a lot of good to be said for this book, because the author focuses on the Christian foundations of AA which can be very troublesome for those of us who do not believe in a "sky god." 

That said, she tends to be too judgmental about 12-step programs by not acknowledging that each group is autonomous and that the function of the 12 Steps, Traditions and Concepts is to keep everyone from wandering away from the core concepts of the program. 

There are plenty of people who "translate" the words that trouble them into their own language so that they can focus on the spiritual core of the program. I've not finished the book yet but I do have to weigh in on the author's stress on the words 'patriarchy' and 'hierarchy'.

 I realize that this book was written in 1992, when these words were used very often to bash evil men over the head. I didn't agree with that then and I still don't agree with it. Kasl barely touches on the root problem: capitalism. 

I don't know if she ever read Marx's Capital or not but I think she would find that studying Marx would be very productive. Bruce Alexander wrote The Globalization of Addiction: A Study in Poverty of the Spirit in 2008 and I recommend it highly. 

He draws some very interesting parallels between the spread of capitalism as an economic system and the soaring rates of addiction that really can't be ignored. 

I think Kasl's book was wonderful at the time it was written and it is still very useful for those who have issues with 12-step programs, but she hasn't really gotten to the root of the problem, which is capitalism. 

I will stress that, unlike so many "progressives", I don't blame anyone but ourselves for our predicament. As Pogo said many years ago, "We have met the enemy and he is us." It is up to each one of us to re-connect with a larger community. 

Capitalism destroys community and because humans are social animals, that destruction of community leads to addiction. 12-step programs are a useful beginning, but they are not the entire answer and I do think that Kasl recognizes that. 

I just wish that she had written her book from a Marxist perspective and hadn't focused on the 'hierarchy' and 'patriarchy' bogeymen. Women are not saints - they are just as susceptible to hierarchy and patriarchy as men. Many women are codependents, if you will, of capitalism. We are all in this together.

23 people found this helpful

 

Jay

5.0 out of 5 stars Thank you inspirational and affirming

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on 20 April 2013

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Wow what a fantastic book, after 14 years of attending 12 step fellowships and a deep sense of feeling stuck in a box for years, i read this book. It puts into words all that I have felt and experienced. I like the fact that it seems rational and that it doesn't slate the whole AA/NA thing... but just voices a more measured way of thinking.

Tired of feeling disempowered and labelled a failure, despite years of sobriety for not agreeing with all of the dogma, I am finally free and ready to grow in a much more wholesome way. I love the truth and spirit. This book makes me realise my thinking and confidence, (not encouraged) in 12 step fellowships, has been on the money for years.

I only regret I didn't find this book after five years of recovery, unfortunately it took further years and work on myself to stand strong and believe in my own thinking, rather than staying a victim to the outdated and scientifically unsound approach of 12 step recovery. Charlotte Kasl, I salute you.

4 people found this helpful

 

ID

5.0 out of 5 stars Revolutionary & more white people in recovery ought to read this book

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on 20 March 2021

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Interesting review from Jeff. Just say you're a man who doesn't want to be held accountable & go!

Are capitalism, patriarchy, homophobia & racism, sexism & misogynoir, not one?

I wish more people, white & Black, & particularly white in 12 step recovery would read this book.

There is no recovery without facing the roles & experiences we all have living in this ism ridden society.

One person found this helpful

 

Victoria Davies

3.0 out of 5 stars This is fine but not a basis of a book that denegrates ...

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on 27 November 2016

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Not what I was hoping for. The book is interesting, introducing a fair chunk of feminist history/thinking, but is written mainly on the premise that some people don't find what they want/need in the rooms of 12 step fellowships and that this is principally because of its patriarchal, self punishing bent. 

This is fine but not a basis of a book that denegrates 12 step recovery. It works for millions of people, just because it doesn't work for some doesn't mean it doesn't work. I am lucky to live somewhere where people are free to discover to their own path in AA and there is a prevailing attitude of live and let live. I understand this is not the same everywhere. But it didnt just happen - people made it happen by challenging the status quo when it was dominated by old men who thought they knew best. Also I find that a lot of therapists and writers, this author included, take the view that if AA etc worked people wouldn't still keep going when they've been sober for years, decades. News flash: if they didn't, the meetings wouldn't exist. I got some ideas from it but won't be using it as a recovery workbook.

2 people found this helpful

 

RE

5.0 out of 5 stars Highly Recommended Research

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on 6 September 2021

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Balanced analysis of recovery models currently in use. Thought- provoking look at multiple viewpoints. Especially beneficial for those who question the path they’re currently on...

3 people found this helpful

 

Fredrika Spiewak

5.0 out of 5 stars Get this book if you feel any doubt about the 12 step programs of recovery

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on 3 October 2016

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Dr. Kasl's book awakened in me the nature of the the discomfort i was feeling about 12 step recovery programs. Her work, although bit dated, is well worth the read for someone whose own ethics clash with the 12 step model of recovery. I have not had a drink for over 40 years. I stopped meetings for at least 18 years with no descent back into drinking i.e. I had a satisfying life as a student learning my way to a PhD in Depth Psychology. I rejoined AA out of loneliness when school ended and found the meetings run by white male good old boys. My education led me to some different conclusions about the 12 step model, and Dr. Kasl's work validated my strong feelings. Her book is well researched and I highly recommend it.

24 people found this helpful

 

Amazon Customer

4.0 out of 5 stars Recovery alternatives

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on 12 November 2020

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About 1/2 way through this one. It’s got some practical tips for recovery programs and sums them up quite well

One person found this helpful

 

JayTEE

5.0 out of 5 stars

 A must for addicted women who don't 'get' AA / NA

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on 24 February 2009

Verified Purchase

I can't put it into better words than 'A Customer' already has. If you are a woman drinking off the back of the pain of trauma, abuse, neglect, shame, or guilt, being told you don't 'get' the programme or you're not working it properly and worst of all being encouraged to feel MORE shame and told you must make amends to the people you have harmed is just more abuse. The 12-step programme is great for calculating, manipulative, sociopathic / narcissistic male abusers and completely inappropriate for victimised women. This book resonated with every criticism I ever had of the 12-step programme and was a life saver. Again, I only wish I had found it sooner.

9 people found this helpful

 

Helen Mahoney

5.0 out of 5 stars 

The book has a lot of things to relate to when doing a group session with patients.

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on 22 November 2020

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If the Buddha Had Kids by Charlotte Kasl | Goodreads

If the Buddha Had Kids: Raising Children to Create a More Peaceful World by Charlotte Kasl | Goodreads






If the Buddha Had Kids: Raising Children to Create a More Peaceful World


Charlotte Kasl

4.13
165 ratings17 reviews
The bestselling If the Buddha . . . series continues with some Zen wisdom for frantic parents

In an age when so many kids seem to be glued to video games and eating fast food dinners on the way to a soccer game, author Charlotte Kasl urges parents to step back and examine what is important in their lives, and to take the time to truly get to know their children. 

Using spiritual guidelines as well as practical advice, Kasl encourages parents to raise their children to be peacemakers in a turbulent world. Like her previous Buddha titles, If the Buddha Had Kids includes exercises for readers to apply to their own lives, and is filled with wonderful quotes that will inspire readers and keep them coming back to this book for advice as their children grow older.

320 pages, Paperback

First published August 28, 2012



Kindle EditionPenguin Books2012

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Displaying 1 - 10 of 17 reviews


Cindy Hudson
Author 14 books23 followers

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January 31, 2013
There are many books to help parents decide how to raise their children. But a new book by Charlotte Kasl, Ph. D., takes an approach I haven’t seen before. It’s called If the Buddha Had Kids: Raising Children to Create a More Peaceful World. While the guide touches on the tenets of Buddhism and how they relate to parenting children, it also has lots of common sense advice for parents who are searching for ways to raise their children with both love and discipline.

Kasl starts by explaining some of the basic tenets of Buddhism, then she goes on to explore how they can be applied to common situations parents find themselves facing. Each chapter takes an issue—why children misbehave, managing emotions feelings and impulses, use of electronics, struggles over food, and more—and looks at how parents can respond.

Kasl uses examples, both good and bad, from her own parents and discusses challenges she faced raising her own daughter. The chapters are written so it’s easy to focus and reflect on a single issue before moving on to another. To help with the reflection, Kasl frequently lists suggestions and questions for parents.

You don’t need to believe in Buddhism to find the ideas helpful, and Kasl isn’t trying to convert readers to those beliefs as she writes. Rather, she provides advice that will help parents even if they don’t accept all of her suggestions.

The publisher provided me with a copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.


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Kim
121 reviews2 followers

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June 19, 2019
When you set out to read an "advice book" that is exactly what you are going to get, the author's personal adviced and opinions about the subject at hand. It felt really long and was a bit dry to get through. Some of the advice seemed pretty good: respect your children, be patient, listen, give them plenty of opportunities to learn and grow. 

However, interspersed in the logical advice of respectful parenting, was some odd, and not at all scientifically backed opinions. 

One head scratcher was the endorsement of eating for your blood type. She didn't say you had to do this, but clearly she thought it was good advice. Also, for a book about Buddhism, she references her Quaker upbringing quite a bit and it doesn't feel like this book is really grounded in Buddhism, per se.

Anyway. If you feel like you need some pointers on parenting I say it doesn't hurt to skim through and take what feels right to you and leave the rest.



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Alie Stumpf
69 reviews4 followers

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December 31, 2018
I really loved the beginning of this book & it’s humanistic view of raising children. The author encourages parents to see their children as part of a collective rather than cherishing them simply as individuals. I really appreciate this perspective & tips on how to raise my children this way & beginning was 5 stars. 

I found later chapters on school & sexuality a bit repetitive & overly simplistic. I did lots of skimming/skipping. Maybe the later parts will mean more to me when my kids are older.

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Stephanie
4 reviews

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May 25, 2018
I love everything from this writer, she uses great examples to help you understand the concept.

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Allison
258 reviews

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September 4, 2020
I was hoping for more Buddhist teaching and less psychology.

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Shawn Persinger
Author 6 books8 followers

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March 3, 2022
2.75 stars. In my opinion, anyone inclined to read such a title will find the author preaching to the choir. No insights, simple reminders – be kind.

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Becca Crane
57 reviews4 followers

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April 2, 2021
I liked this book quite a bit. The author was vulnerable about her own experiences as a mother as well as her childhood experiences.

She had the book portioned out into different topics, so you could read it in any order and easily reference.

Overall, relatable and helpful.

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Tracy
255 reviews1 follower

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December 22, 2014
I've read a lot of parenting books, and this is in line with a lot of the books that I have liked. 

Emphasizing listening and empathy and encouraging your children to express their feelings, emotions and opinions. 

Based on the title I was a little worried that this book would be too idealistic and impractical, but the author did a good job of using real-world examples and situations and emphasizing that children need structure and boundaries as well as the freedom to be individuals and make choices that we might not agree with. While this isn't a book I would say everyone should read, it is definitely worthwhile if you do.

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Indiana Todd
1 review

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January 20, 2016
One of the best "parenting" books I've ever encountered. I don't usually go for any packaged ideas about what parenting should look like from any individual or socially biased perspective - this is anything but - a philosophical approach to parenting steeped in scientific theory and the unparalleled compassionate guidance of The Buddha.

 I've read it three times now in my son's three years and each time I've received guidance and encouragement to trust myself and the courage to allow my son to grow into exactly the little man he is supposed to be. 

Very few books empower one to empower others - this is one of them.

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Tamara
301 reviews1 follower

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January 25, 2015
I really enjoyed this book. It is not just a 'parenting' guide or how to, it's also a book to help you in your own journey. It is also easily implemented - you can be more peaceful immediately.

The extensive reading list at the end had me adding many many more books to the TBR shelf!
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Suphatra

199 reviews

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January 2, 2013

Better read for parents of older children (5-18) than of a toddler (mine is 2.5 years old). I'll pick this back up again in the future.

non-fiction

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Jamie

6 reviews

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January 22, 2013

This book changed my life. I am definitely going to read it again and again.

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SomeLady

5.0 out of 5 stars Lovely book to read and re-read as a reminder to ...

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on 25 November 2014

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Lovely book to read and re-read as a reminder to be present and peaceful as a parent. I will often pick this book up and just read a chapter or two to keep me focused on my kids.

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If the Buddha Got Stuck: A Handbook for Change on a Spiritual Path by Charlotte Kasl | Goodreads

If the Buddha Got Stuck: A Handbook for Change on a Spiritual Path by Charlotte Kasl | Goodreads

https://onecard.network/client/en_AU/campbelltown/search/results?qu=AUTHOR%3D%22Kasl%2C+Charlotte.%22

Zen and the art of getting unstuck . . .

Perennial favorites, Charlotte Kasl's If the Buddha Dated, If the Buddha Married and If the Buddha Had Kids have inspired readers with their empowering balance of spiritual and psychological wisdom. This wise yet lighthearted book extends on Dr. Kasl's trademark insight to speak to anyone who's ever experienced being stuck in life. With her signature clarity, wisdom, and wit, she presents seven simple yet profound steps on the path to change: Notice Where You're Stuck; Show Up; Pay Attention; Live in Reality; Connect with Others, Connect with Life; Move from Thought to Action; and Let Go.

Full of insight from Buddhist and other teachings that emphasize the joy that comes with letting go of fears and attachments, If the Buddha Got Stuck is an inspirational and practical roadmap to a happier, more peaceful, and more fulfilling life.

Product description

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Praise for If the Buddha Got Stuck and Charlotte Kasl

"If the Buddha Got Stuck provides a roadmap to freedom and greater possibilities. Regardless of your starting place, Kasl will help you achieve greater joy, authenticity, and peace of mind. . . . Encouraging, practical, beautifully written." --Laura Davis, author of I Thought We'd Never Speak Again and coauthor of The Courage to Heal

"Charlotte Kasl's new book overflows with insight, humor and eminently practical suggestions." --Anita Doyle, former Director of the Jeannette Rankin Peace Center

"[Charlotte Kasl] adds an entirely new level of understanding to our lives through love and not fear." --Geneen Roth, author of When Food is Love

"If previous attempts to work with your life from a Western philosophical or psychological perspective encountered gaps . . . [consider this] your bridge." --Rowan Conrad, PhD, Director, Open Way Mindfulness Center

"If The Buddha Got Stuck brings perspective, inspiring stories, and useful exercises to feel less overwhelmed by life's difficulties." --Lisa M. Najavits, Ph.D., Associate Professor in Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School and author of Seeking Safety: A Treatment Manual for PTSD and Substance Abuse

"[If The Buddha Had Kids] brings the wisdom of the ages to bear to help parents inways that are extraordinarily inspiring and remarkably practical.You discover compassion for your child and compassion for yourself." --Marti Erikson, PhD, coauthor of Last Child in the Woods

Charlotte Kasl

4.13
783 ratings68 reviews
Perennial favorites, Charlotte Kasl’s If the Buddha Dated and If the Buddha Married have inspired readers with their empowering blend of spiritual and psychological insights. Her latest, If the Buddha Got Stuck, is a wise yet lighthearted book that will speak to anyone who's ever experienced being stuck in life and wanted to break free. With her signature clarity, wisdom, and warm heart, Kasl presents readers with seven steps that tap into life’s bigger picture: Notice Where You’re Stuck; Show Up; Pay Attention; Live in Reality; Connect with Others; Move From Thought to Action; and Let Go. Full of insight from Buddhist and other teachings that emphasize the joy that comes with letting go of attachments to events and things, If the Buddha Got Stuck is an inspirational and practical roadmap to a more joyful, peaceful, and fulfilling life.

GenresSelf HelpNonfictionSpiritualityBuddhismPsychologyPhilosophyPersonal Development
...more



240 pages, Paperback

First published January 4, 2005
Original title
If the Buddha Got Stuck: A Handbook for Change on a Spiritual Path



This edition
Format
240 pages, Paperback

Published
January 4, 2005 by Penguin Books

ISBN
9780142196281 (ISBN10: 0142196282)

Language
English




Cara
776 reviews65 followers

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August 30, 2013
This book is completely meh. There are good parts, helpful parts. There's also quite a bit of BS (reiki healing, dowsing, and unabashed orientalism), but mostly it's just more meh. The author quotes so much from other books, I thought I might as well put this book down and read those instead.

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Kathleen
140 reviews1 follower

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November 15, 2008
Normally, I LOATHE self-help books. They only seem to help the writer be able to free whatever is troubling them by writing through it and helps their bank account when people buy it. This one (which I got from the library) seems to be a bit different. More of a spiritual approach to life's path and not "here's how I got better."

That's what I said when I started. It was an interesting read but I guess not memorable because I returned it without really finishing it. I guess I dislike people who figure "it" out and have to tell me what "it" is. I might give it another try but for now, I read all that I can.
startedbutputdown
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Anita Zinn
21 reviews2 followers

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October 14, 2012
Read 6-2012
Please read this one! Quotes: "Our moods, our perspective, and emotional status are directly related to the chemistry in the brain, which is generally affected by exercise, restorative sleep, and healthy eating."

"A peaceful body helps us focus, concentrate, and bring a meditative mindset to what ever we are doing."


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Elle
571 reviews13 followers

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May 14, 2012
I wanted this too be more helpful. I was hooked by the very beginning where it gives an example of a person who isn't excited by things any more (this is a type of stuck) and I was thinking I could be more excited about the simple things in life so I wanted to know particularly about that aspect. But there was no link between the initial examples of stuck and they ways those examples would approach each of the steps ... so I found I was just sort of floating while I read this and had trouble figuring out how to apply some of the stuff to my situation.

...Maybe this wasn't the book for me and I'm not the target audience.
for-your-knowledge
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Sylwia
1,132 reviews27 followers

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November 11, 2017
This was a different experience from the first two books of Kasl's that I read (and rated 5 stars each) If the Buddha Dated andIf the Buddha Got Married. I strongly related and needed the information in those books, whereas as a therapist I already knew a lot of the information in this one. And as a person currently not experiencing any depressive symptoms and not "feeling stuck", I didn't necessarily "need" this book personally. So the experience was different.

Why You Might Bump This Up On Your TBR: Kasl once again teaches us how to incorporate Buddhist practices into our daily thinking patterns in order to reduce a lot of the stress and problems that we might not even realize that we have created for ourselves. She also utilized her PhD in psychology to teach us how to utilize basic therapeutic methods in order to improve our thinking patterns. I will be recommending this to everyone I know who seems "stuck" or is experiencing certain types of depressive symptoms.

Why You Might Bump This Down On Your TBR: I think sections 44 and 48 were not healthy or evidence-based. And unlike the other two books of hers that I read, this one couldn't hold my attention in the very last (7th?) part.

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jill crotty
131 reviews2 followers

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May 7, 2022
There are 62 insights to help you stay awake through life. It is not a book to read all at once. Maybe a daily reading. In the Buddhist teachings, it is all about being in the present..right? To live in the moment and not get attached to the past or future. We only have now. So You cannot be awake and asleep at the same time. These teachings are thoughts and ideas on how to feel at ease in the world. To help us get unstuck in the habits we create that have us going through life asleep. Wake up and Be. I love this Author and her thoughts on this. A good read!

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Amanda
697 reviews107 followers

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March 25, 2009
I wouldn't call myself stuck in a rut but I would describe my life as a bit chaotic. I have been thinking "is there more to this life deal that I should be doing?" even while moving forward towards some goals. I just didn't want to take the chaos with me.

This book is excellent! The reader is walked through how to recognize that they are stuck and then through the steps to get unstuck. I really appreciated the information and have been trying to put a lot of it into practice. Baby steps.

One piece of advice Kasl gives is to just show up to your life. To be aware of what is going on around you and to be aware and in tune with yourself. This is a surprisingly difficult task to accomplish. Even just sitting and chatting with friends, I know that my mind wanders to other things often. I'm making an effort now to be completely present. World of difference.

The reader is advised to live in reality, no more making up stories or not telling the truth. We're shown exercises to practice to connect with ourselves and with life.

Lastly, we're advised on how to get ourselves into action and just let go. Letting go is probably the scariest part, just like stepping off a cliff. Whatever the outcome of whatever our plans, we're advised to just accept them, even if things didn't go our way. But you have to move in order to change. You may lose something in the process of action - quitting a job you hate may lose you status and money - but you move forward into a life that you want to live in.

This book was very inspirational and while I have some ways to go in practicing what it preaches, I'm on the path and moving forward.


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Danielle Buie
1 review2 followers

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March 9, 2019
I just re-read of this book after a decade+, and it still resonates. Great, quick mental health tune-up type of book, with a grounded, genuinely spiritual sensibility that many "self help" books tend to lack. This is a very accessible book full of wisdom and mindfulness - not fluff, for the most part. Even though it's a quick read, it's full of ideas that stick, and words worth coming back to from time to time.

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LemontreeLime
3,157 reviews17 followers

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December 9, 2009
This really was an excellent book, full of thoughtful observations. Its not really so much about the spiritual path persay, but about trying to live life itself. I was impressed. (and felt better too!)
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Angela
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February 22, 2009
Lovely, straightforward writing about buddhist ideas brought to a white middle class level. It was more self help-y than I liked with lots "you shoulds," so I abandoned it half way through. For what its worth.

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If the Buddha Got Stuck: A Handbook for Change on a Spiritual Path Paperback – 4 January 2005

by Charlotte Kasl PH.D. (Author)

4.8 out of 5 stars    153 ratings

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Zen and the art of getting unstuck . . .

Perennial favorites, Charlotte Kasl's If the Buddha Dated, If the Buddha Married and If the Buddha Had Kids have inspired readers with their empowering balance of spiritual and psychological wisdom. This wise yet lighthearted book extends on Dr. Kasl's trademark insight to speak to anyone who's ever experienced being stuck in life. With her signature clarity, wisdom, and wit, she presents seven simple yet profound steps on the path to change: Notice Where You're Stuck; Show Up; Pay Attention; Live in Reality; Connect with Others, Connect with Life; Move from Thought to Action; and Let Go.

Full of insight from Buddhist and other teachings that emphasize the joy that comes with letting go of fears and attachments, If the Buddha Got Stuck is an inspirational and practical roadmap to a happier, more peaceful, and more fulfilling life.

Product description

Review

Praise for If the Buddha Got Stuck and Charlotte Kasl

"If the Buddha Got Stuck provides a roadmap to freedom and greater possibilities. Regardless of your starting place, Kasl will help you achieve greater joy, authenticity, and peace of mind. . . . Encouraging, practical, beautifully written." --Laura Davis, author of I Thought We'd Never Speak Again and coauthor of The Courage to Heal

"Charlotte Kasl's new book overflows with insight, humor and eminently practical suggestions." --Anita Doyle, former Director of the Jeannette Rankin Peace Center

"[Charlotte Kasl] adds an entirely new level of understanding to our lives through love and not fear." --Geneen Roth, author of When Food is Love

"If previous attempts to work with your life from a Western philosophical or psychological perspective encountered gaps . . . [consider this] your bridge." --Rowan Conrad, PhD, Director, Open Way Mindfulness Center

"If The Buddha Got Stuck brings perspective, inspiring stories, and useful exercises to feel less overwhelmed by life's difficulties." --Lisa M. Najavits, Ph.D., Associate Professor in Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School and author of Seeking Safety: A Treatment Manual for PTSD and Substance Abuse

"[If The Buddha Had Kids] brings the wisdom of the ages to bear to help parents inways that are extraordinarily inspiring and remarkably practical.You discover compassion for your child and compassion for yourself." --Marti Erikson, PhD, coauthor of Last Child in the Woods

About the Author

Top reviews from other countries

Miss Hazel Lightfoot

5.0 out of 5 stars An Accessible Buddhism-tinted Empowering Book

Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on 7 January 2013

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I am mid-way through this wonderfully frank and gentle book, and I already feel compelled to spread the word. It's an encouraging and realistic approach to improving your situation, whatever your situation is, whilst remaining grounded in 'what is'. Mindfulness, Action, Conditioning, Perception.....all sorts of subjects are touched on...a myriad of helpful advise and exercises which can only benefit each and every reader.

I give it 5 stars for it's positive and honest approach, and it's reminding us; it comes down to US to put the gentle, compassionate effort in to heal and thrive and live fully. Be gentle with yourselves.

Thank you.

4 people found this helpful

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Mary Drienovsky

5.0 out of 5 stars ... still in the process of reading it but I love it so far

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on 13 March 2016

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I am still in the process of reading it but I love it so far. The book is easy to read with sound advice and great questions to ask ourselves when we are feeling stuck.

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S

4.0 out of 5 stars happy with the purchase

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on 23 September 2015

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Books shipped really fast, happy with the purchase.

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Flora Denneny

5.0 out of 5 stars re-reading again now...

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on 16 June 2016

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yup a gotta read - bought more for pals

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Gordon F. McCauley, MD

5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on 5 May 2018

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Great discussion of this subject

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====

If the Buddha Married by Charlotte Kasl | Goodreads

If the Buddha Married: Creating Enduring Relationships on a Spiritual Path by Charlotte Kasl | Goodreads

Table of Contents

Introduction xvii

PART I The Spiritual Path to Love

Buddhism for Lovers and Partners

3 (12)

Say Hello to Your Beloved: Sufism

15 (2)

Learn to Trust Yourself: The Society of Friends

17 (2)

Explore the Source of an Enduring Bond

19 (10)

Discover the Freedom of Beginner's Mind

29 (5)

Tune In to Yourself, Tune In to Your Lover

34 (5)

PART II I, You, and Us: A Dance in Three Parts

Experience the ``Us'' Place of Relationship: Becoming More Than We Could Be Alone

39 (3)

Experience Living in an ``Us'' Place

42 (2)

Create More ``Us'' Consciousness

44 (6)

Feel the Healing Power of Connection

50 (5)

PART III Look in Your Own Mirror

Recognize the Masks You Wear

55 (3)

Ask Yourself, ``Am I Talking About Myself?''

58 (2)

Remember to Ask, ``Who Owns the Problem?''

60 (1)

Live in the Center of Your Own Life

61 (2)

Notice the Stories You Tell Yourself

63 (4)

PART IV The Daily Practice of Living and Loving

Treasure Trust: Keep Agreements with Great Care

67 (3)

Tune In to Your Deeper Motivation

70 (2)

``That's Not What I Said'': Notice Your Interpretations

72 (4)

Learn to Trust Your Intuition

76 (3)

Of Love and Litter: Dealing with Compulsions in Relationships

79 (5)

Explore Meditation and Psychotherapy

84 (7)

PART V When I Was a Child, I Spoke as a Child: Am I Still Doing It Now?

Ask Yourself, ``What Age Am I at This Moment?''

91 (6)

Find Out Who Married Whom

97 (2)

Recognize the Value of ``Leaving Home''

99 (3)

Explore Levels of Relationships

102 (2)

Level One: Afraid to Be Close, Afraid to Be Separate

104 (2)

Level Two: Sometimes I See You, Sometimes I Don't

106 (7)

Level Three: Knowing Yourself So You Can Know Your Beloved

113 (5)

Level Four: Feeling at Peace with Closeness and Separateness

118 (2)

Level Five: I and Thou-We Are One, We Are Two

120 (7)

PART VI Communion Is the Purpose of Communication

Tune In to the Dance of Sending and Receiving Messages

127 (1)

Remember the Basics of Good Communication

128 (5)

Give No Advice-Well, Most of the Time

133 (3)

Ask for No Advice-Except Sometimes

136 (2)

You Can Defend Yourself Without Being Defensive

138 (2)

Learn the Art of Apology

140 (3)

Rebuild the Bridge: Forgiveness and Letting Go

143 (6)

PART VII Make Friends with Conflict

The Art of Handling Conflict

149 (1)

Meeting Our Differences: Fight the Good Fight

150 (4)

Practice Conflict Prevention

154 (3)

Recognize Counterfeit Conflicts

157 (3)

Remember, We Are Animals with a Neocortex: Recognize Fight, Flight, and Freeze Reactions

160 (4)

Recognize the Many Faces of Anger

164 (11)

What to Do When You Reach an Impasse

175 (4)

Learn Fair-Fight Rules

179 (3)

Learn to Self-Soothe

182 (6)

More Clarity, More Love: Help a Good Relationship Get Better

188 (5)

PART VIII Making Love with the Beloved

Making Love: The Union of Body and Spirit

193 (6)

Sexual High or Sexual Connection: What's the Difference?

199 (5)

Finding Out Why the Fire Has Faded

204 (3)

Deepen Your Sexual Bond

207 (3)

Support Each Other Being Completely Honest

210 (3)

Stay Lovers During the Parenting Years

213 (2)

Understand the True Meaning of Monogamy

215 (2)

What to Do with Attraction to Others

217 (4)

Make Love with a Beginner's Mind

221 (6)

PART IX I and Thou: Even Good Relationships Can Get Better

Keep Your Relationship Dancing

227 (3)

Be Creative Together

230 (2)

Remember, Our Task Is to Expand Our Love-Not to Change Others

232 (3)

Accept Life's Daily Losses

235 (4)

Relationships Need Tending, and Tending Takes Time

239 (2)

Your Loving Relationship Blesses the World

241 (4)

Resources

=====

Review

"We've all heard that mariage can be a spiritual experience; [listening to] this book, you actually believe it." 

---Marianne Williamson, bestselling author of A Return to Love

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

Last year, psychotherapist Charlotte Kasl explored the first flushes of romance in If the Buddha Dated; now she takes the next step in If the Buddha Married: Creating Enduring Relationships on a Spiritual Path. 

There is some strong, wise marital advice here, but how Buddhist is it?

 One glaring fact that Kasl never so much as mentions is that the Buddha did have a wife and child, whom he abandoned in the quest for enlightenment. 

A more interesting book would have investigated the tensions between the demands (and joys) of marital relationships and the individual's need to embark on the spiritual journey.

Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

Review

Praise for If the Buddha Dated

“[Charlotte Kasl] adds an entirely new level of understanding to our lives through love and not fear.” —Geneen Roth, author of When Food is Love

“[This book] focuses not on a lot of basic how-to's or manipulations but on creating spiritual bonds. Kasl does a beautiful job weaving Eastern philosophy into modern day relationships.” —Janet Luhrs, author of Simple Loving and The Simple Living Guide

Praise for If the Buddha Married

“[Kasl] brings the Buddha's wisdom to the complex world of relationships. We've all heard that marriage can be a spiritual experience; reading this book, you actually believe it.” —Marianne Williamson, New York Times bestselling author of A Return to Love and A Year of Miracles

“Filled with succinct and practical advice that is immersed in spiritual wisdom.” —Brenda M. Schaeffer, author of Is It Love or Is It Addiction? and Love's Way

Praise for If the Buddha Had Kids

“Dr. Kasl provides a wonderful blend of Buddhist wisdom, practical suggestions, psychological research, and her own rich perspective of being a mother.  Parents will find this book very helpful in their efforts in promoting healthy brain development.” —Daniel Ladinsky, author of Love Poems from God, A Year with Hafiz, and The Purity of Desire

“This book brings the wisdom of the ages to bear to help parents inways that are extraordinarily inspiring and remarkably practical.You discover compassion for your child and compassion for yourself.” —Marti Erikson, PhD, coauthor of Last Child in the Woods

Praise for If the Buddha Got Stuck

“If the Buddha Got Stuck provides a roadmap to freedom and greater possibilities. Regardless of your starting place, Kasl will help you achieve greater joy, authenticity, and peace of mind. . . . Encouraging, practical, beautifully written.” —Laura Davis, author of I Thought We'd Never Speak Again and coauthor of The Courage to Heal

“Charlotte Kasl's new book overflows with insight, humor and eminently practical suggestions.” —Anita Doyle, former Director of the Jeannette Rankin Peace Center, Missoula, MT

“If previous attempts to work with your life from a Western philosophical or psychological perspective encountered gaps . . . [consider this] your bridge.” —Rowan Conrad, PhD, Director, Open Way Mindfulness Center

“If The Buddha Got Stuck brings perspective, inspiring stories, and useful exercises to feel less overwhelmed by life's difficulties.” —Lisa M. Najavits, Ph.D., Associate Professor in Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School and author of Seeking Safety: A Treatment Manual for PTSD and Substance Abuse

From the Back Cover

If the Buddha Married is filled with the same highly practical, spiritually sound guidance that so clearly touched a chord with readers of If the Buddha Dated. Charlotte Kasl, Ph.D., is a therapist, workshop leader, and spiritual practitioner who is renowned for her ability to speak with depth, wisdom, and humor on important matters of the heart.

In this new book Charlotte Kasl inspires us to create fulfilling and vibrant relationships through a commitment to awareness and truth. Marriage is truly a journey -- combining key teachings of Buddhism with elements of psychology and other spiritual traditions, If the Buddha Married becomes a wise and trusted guide through the joys and thickets of relationships that last and grow.

If the Buddha Married: Creating Enduring Relationships on a Spiritual Path


Charlotte Kasl

4.10
625 ratings44 reviews
If the Buddha Married is filled with the same highly practical, spiritually sound guidance that so clearly touched a chord with readers of If the Buddha Dated. Charlotte Kasl, Ph.D., is renowned for her ability to speak with depth, wisdom, and humor on important matters of the heart.

In this new book, Kasl inspires us to create fulfilling and vibrant relationships through a commitment to awareness and truth. Combining key teachings of Buddhism with elements of psychology, If the Buddha Married becomes a wise and trusted guide through the joys and thickets of relationships that last and grow.

272 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 2001
Original title
If the Buddha Married: Creating Enduring Relationships on a Spiritual Path

This edition
Format
272 pages, Paperback

Published
May 1, 2001 by Penguin Books


Meghan Hughes Ohrstrom
106 reviews1,932 followers

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June 10, 2022
This book was extremely transformative for me. I know it’s very definitive to call a book life-changing, but this marvelous read was exactly that. Charlotte Kasl wrote an immersive, potent, & beautiful guide to loving relationships in all forms. 

This was not even strictly filled with buddhist teachings. It drew from joy, but also quakerism, sufism, Christianity, & more. 

This was such a timely book for me to be gifted by my dear friend Summer right before I got married. I just finished it at the start of our honeymoon, but this book assisted me throughout the last month of me being a fiancé. I drew from this read when I wrote my vows, I brought it down to our ceremony site & read it on the morning of our wedding, & it sparked impeccable conversations within me & the people in my life— not even just with my husband. 

It is very few & far between that I find a self-help sort of book that I resonate with this deeply, but I truly wouldn’t even categorize this as self-help. 

This was a gorgeous guide to conflict resolution, embracing spirituality in relationships, seeking community, learning to be a better listener, speaker, child, friend, & lover. 

I underlined & dog-eared probably half of this book because I wanted to come back to these lessons throughout my life. One of the most important lessons being acceptance for your partner in all stages. 

Remove the veil & see them as they are always— not through how you wish them to be. I will share some of my other favorite quotes here to wrap up this review, but in short, PLEASE read this. It was powerful beyond words. 

• “There is an ecstatic quality to a good relationship— a joy beyond words amidst life’s daily rituals & tasks, a joy if being one with our beloved.” 
• “When we have a problem we have three choices— leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it completely.” 
• “We tend to our relationship on a steady basis, not because we should, but because it feeds the wellspring of our love.”

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Caits Meissner
Author 13 books21 followers

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March 15, 2012
My Aunt bought me this book, sweetly, and gifted me it at a recent bridal shower. What she didn't know is that I read the book, similarly titled, by the same author a few years ago, "If the Buddha Dated" and it absolutely shifted my entire paradigm around love and relationships and dating. 

A very straight-forward, easy to read, beautiful exploration of healthy relationships. Naturally, the marriage version was just the same. The difference? This time around I was supremely affirmed. I learned from the first volume, clearly, and chose right.

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Naomi
196 reviews12 followers

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November 14, 2007
I'm loving the principles in this book and though it took me a little bit of perseverence to get into it I really feel as though I'm learning something from it that I can immediately apply into my daily life - and not just into my significant other's and my relationship, but EVERY relationship.

I especially appreciate the idea of living in this moment, and now this moment, and now this moment, and not comparing our partner to how he used to be last week or a year ago, but who he is right now. 

And growing together by imagining that your mind is completely empty and listening to your friend/lover/partner/whomever with a completely empty mind, the only thing consuming your mind is what they are saying.

Not new ideas but helpful to my life as it takes some Buddhist, Supi (?), and Quaker concepts and makes them applicable to something I'm currently interested in as it is my daily reality. 

Already my life feels more enriched as I reflect on what I read as it pertains to my personal world bubble.

didnt-finish on-my-bookshelf will-come-back-to-later
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Sylwia
1,132 reviews27 followers

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November 11, 2017
Note about queer-inclusion: f/f relationships are included and Kasl has reported in If the Buddha Dated that she dated/s both men and women.

Why I Recommend Bumping This UP On Your TBR: THIS IS A MUST-READ.

I cried so much both because it was touching and because I actually grew and changed as a person while I read it. I have so many post-it tabbies all over it. For anyone who is in a relationship or plans to be in a relationship, you have to read this. Kasl discusses interpersonal relationships (specifically romantic and/or sexual ones) from both the Buddhist ideologies and from basic psychological therapy models. 

This will help you understand the things that you could be doing better in your interpersonal experiences in general! Again, it's a must-read. (If the word "marriage" doesn't sit right with you, I recommend reading If the Buddha Dated first.)

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Sara
3 reviews

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July 5, 2015
Can someone please explain to me how someone could write a whole book on a topic and give it such a stupid name? According to all accounts, the Buddha (Siddhartha Gautama) was married to a woman named Rahula and they had a son together. The traditional story is that he left his young wife and baby to start a personal spiritual journey. How is this the model for "enduring relationships on a spiritual path"?



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Renate Eveline
224 reviews7 followers

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February 10, 2013
Only 3* for a useful book, that I might read again in a few months time. Why???
I like the concepts and find useful stuff in Kasls books, but her style gets a bit in the way for me. All those examples of loving and understanding couples who had problems, but have seen the light... I think I would have got the picture with less examples. Nevertheless some practical eyeopeners!

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Kim Gonzalez
9 reviews

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March 18, 2013
"Think so a love within you so rich and flowing that it can dissolve whatever is hard or knotted or afraid in your heart. Imagine a free-flowing energy so vast it spills out of you and into the heart of your beloved..."

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Paul Black
265 reviews2 followers

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November 8, 2018
This book is brimming with wonderful guidance and suggestions for building a great relation with your husband or wife. I only gave it three stars because it wasn't special to me. We follow the vast majority of the counsel that Dr. Kasl proffers. Additionally, I think she bases her motivations and suggestions too much on the Buddhist principle of letting go, no attachments, no expectations. Instead, I think that the doctrine of an eternal perspective and Jesus Christ's atonement allow us to be untroubled by disappointments or current personal weaknesses while striving to repent, that is, become more like Christ.

The book is structured into nine parts. Almost every chapter is a page or a few pages of wonderful thoughts and suggestions about helping love grow in your marriage.

Read the book. The tone and temperament is kind, loving, and gentle. It won't disappoint you.

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Mom2triplets04
668 reviews25 followers

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January 3, 2018
I listened to this one on audio. It was highly recommended by Sylwia (Wish Fulfillment). Even though I do not follow Buddha I could not stop listening and learned some great ideas. It's a great book on communication with your spouse or even a friend. Most of it was common sense. It's one of those books where you could refer to it again and again. If you are struggling with your marriage or just want to add more communication to your marriage I highly recommend you read this book.
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Kimberly
33 reviews1 follower

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April 5, 2019
I thought this was helpful in many ways. It had simple issues but talked about how to use the solution to a simple problem for a deeper issue. I particularly liked the idea that when we get angry we go back to a certain age where trauma may have occurred. I had a charmed childhood but I still have moments where I go back to my teens where I yelled at my mom. It’s a worthwhile book for any couple.

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Ray

430 reviews

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October 23, 2020

Some very good relationship advice in this book. I would recommend it for couples having problems and even those that aren't, because it could give you tools to prevent having relationship problems in the future.

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Kimberly

174 reviews

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October 9, 2016

Too much of a mishmash of ideas that doesn't treat them within their context -- an approach that can mislead. I would not recommend this book as an accurate representation of Buddhist ideas.

partially-read

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Charmin

806 reviews

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January 16, 2021

HIGHLIGHTS:

1. The marriage is the anchor, the home base, the center of the wheel of life. We find sustenance in it, value it, and are fed by it. Our desire to protect this special union helps still our criticism, own up to our insensitivity, apologize, and forgive. It helps us stretch ourselves to give and be honest. In doing so, both members of the union become more of who they are and thus bring more vitality to the relationship.

2. Successful couples are skillful at reflecting the best parts of each other, creating an upward spiral of warmth, safety, and happiness that embraces the relationship. We need to realize that wisdom rests in experience, observation, and reflection that combines head and heart. It’s something that arises of itself.

3. The first step to awareness comes from recognizing that our judgments of others often reflect judgments of ourselves.

4. Accepting an apology means putting the whole subject to rest and not bringing it up again.

5. Without safety and trust, conflict carries the risk of loss and hurt. As a result, people tend to try to protect themselves by holding back or trying to control their partner.

6. CONFLICT: Resolving conflict requires a softening of our identification with our ego, which wants to be right and to win. Probably the most damaging thing we can do in a relationship is to withdraw emotionally and stockpile hurts and anger. It’s so important to notice tensions and take them seriously when you feel the vitality slipping out of your relationship. Healthy anger is direct, relates to the current situation, and is not attacking or out of control.

7. Loving service is the ultimate measure of a good life, but it must come from a wellspring of life. Love awaits us beneath our anger, fear, sorrow, and hopelessness. Love is a process that evolves over time, through shared experiences of giving, receiving, knowing, change, and loss. We learn to stay clear with each other through a profound level of honesty. We comfort and cherish each other. We laugh, cry, and play together.

8. TEMPTATION: Usually, when there is a serious flirtation or an affair, there has been a long period of dwindling satisfaction in a relationship.

9. If our partner says no to a request, and we pout, feel resentful, or try to convince him or her to give in, we know it was really a demand.

10. People who experience joy and fulfillment naturally want to be of service to others.

On the spiritual path, we don’t ask the world to change for us, we reflect on our own attachments.

To form a truly loving relationship in the “us” place, we need to meet each other as peers, not as children or surrogate parents.

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Britt Doughty-godchaux

54 reviews

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August 4, 2011

This book was given to me by one of my best friends as she has been reading/carrying around the dating version of this book by the same author, and she performs wedding ceremonies and wondered if it would be a good gift for a couple getting married. Much of this book, I felt, was kinda obvious, but then with all the marriages constantly exploding in our society and how little room we are given to process things consciously as individuals or as couples, maybe it is not so obvious. This book is full of excellent tools. Reading it from beginning to end causes some lulls, some boring-ish moments, but on the whole, this book is great for any couple that does want to create a relationship on a spiritual path, BUT watch out what you ask for, because it could seem overwhelming, and definitely presents a serious, on-going challenge. The author makes some interesting points about monogamy that I went away considering as well as creates more space for understanding one's partner. Also helpful. It would depend on the couple, but the weightiness of the challenge presented naturally matches the weightiness of the situation at hand: marriage is a challenge and not the happily-ever-after... this book can be helpful to have around the house along the way.

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Elisa

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September 23, 2014

I have very mixed feelings about this book. There is so much wisdom here, but also so much that is trite and cliched. It almost feels like two different books sometimes. The "case studies" don't add much, and some of them are very odd, like the husband who spends money on hunting dogs, and the wife who cries every time he buys a new dog because she wants to give all their money to charity (and this is "resolved" by their never discussing it) . . . . The chapters on sex read as if they were written by someone who has never actually had sex. It's not really a Buddhist book . . . there is some discussion of Buddhism but it is more a mishmash of various spiritual traditions.

Nonetheless, I have underlines and dogears throughout the better chapters, because the good stuff (especially the sections about communication and conflict) really is good.

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Cassandra

103 reviews

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December 12, 2007

i'm not married, not even close, but i enjoyed if the buddha dated so much that i wanted to check this out. i found that this book isn't just for married couples. while it is geared toward those that are in long term serious relationships there is much that anyone can take away from it. i would definitely recommend reading this along with if the buddha dated to get the most out of both of them.

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Rosanna

35 reviews

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February 2, 2011

OK I didn't want to admit reading this book. But you should read it too. It could really help anyone with any relationship. If you think it couldn't, then you REALLY should because you're a little too smug. Never be smug. Whether you know it or not, you are on a spiritual path and this little book helps you realize that there is nothing so great as the here and now. It's simple but not simplistic.

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Karen

6 reviews

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February 3, 2010

I liked this book because it gives very practical and simple ways to improve marriage and other types of relationships. It's not deep, but I don't think it was meant to be. It's easy to read in small snatches of time. In fact, I read a chapter every day or two and just let the ideas percolate in my unconscious. It's a book I will refer to from time to time when I am too attached to how I think things should be. I recommend it.

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Matt Twyman

6 reviews

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July 23, 2007

this book really helped me in my relationship of 5 years to continue indefinitely. great reminders to continue the search to see someone you love for themselves and to not tire of striving to learn more about them. not so much of a self-help or relationship saver as a conscious-raising route to compassion and reconnection. small short read that's easy to digest.

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Megan

130 reviews

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March 27, 2012

Though I find the title somewhat cheesy, I thought it was a really read-able, useful book about being in intimate relationship with another person or others, and about taking responsibility for our own selves. I actually thought it was more relevant (albeit not as in-depth) than much of what I learned in school about couples therapy?!

therapy-healing

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Josh

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June 15, 2013

I've had the pleasure of reading both 'if the Buddha got stuck' and 'if the Buddha dated'. In if the Buddha married, Dr. Kasl does a wonderful job blending Eastern philosophy with modern day relationship issues. I can't give this book enough praise and rated it a 5 out of 5 stars. If you are seeking enlightenment on how to create an enduring relationship--this is your book!

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Di Hu

6 reviews

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November 4, 2013

No matter where you are in a relationship, dating, engaged, newly wed, celebrating 25 anniversary, there is a great deal for everyone to learn in the book. I listened to the audio book at audible. It is especially a great way to read this book, because it was read, I felt it was like a counselor talking to me, invisible, nonjudgmental but wise and powerful.

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Lidia Viktorova

1 review

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November 7, 2015

This book is designed for people who have more spiritual approach towards the world in general, who are looking to transform their relationship to the 'us world' instead of what is right for me and what is right for you and to project love and kindness not only towards themselves but to the Universe as a whole.

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Beth

111 reviews

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February 15, 2008

Sometimes I wish the for the ideal to happen and even if we think we are prepared by knowledge it sometimes doesn't work out. I admire Kasl's ideals and would love to find someone who was as interested in practicing them as me. But alas, who?

2007-adult

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Pia

24 reviews

5 followers

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November 11, 2014

this is the counter to the catty manipulations of "The Rules"

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Marlo

27 reviews

4 followers

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Want to read

May 30, 2007

I'm sure it's just as helpful as the other book!

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Kim

4 reviews

3 followers

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September 1, 2007

Insightful

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Carrie

2 reviews

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October 20, 2007

I'm reading this now (it's in the bathroom), but I think that marriage is like any other discipline: something to be studied and reflected on in order to improve one's understanding and practice.

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Beth

620 reviews

21 followers

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May 27, 2009

This was more a skim than an actual read for me. I read the sections that interested me and leafed through the others.

religion-philosophy

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Kristen

6 reviews

3 followers

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August 8, 2008

I am loving this. A sequel to if the Buddha Dated

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Sarah

35 reviews

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August 21, 2008

This is by one of my favorite authors-I think it's the best relationship book ever written!

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Michelle

28 reviews

4 followers

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October 19, 2008

thats right...i'm studying.

1 comment

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Jana

770 reviews

87 followers

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March 16, 2010

Many, many excellent words of advice. Lovingkindness. Living in the present. Good stuff! I'm keeping my copy.

non-fiction

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Summer

35 reviews

3 followers

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November 14, 2010

I have a great relationship with my husband and this book gave me ways to make it even better. The advice in the book can work for all relationships too.

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Monica Pawlan

23 reviews

1 follower

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January 23, 2011

This books provides practical and spiritually sound advice for anyone who wants to strengthen a relationship. The book is an easy read with plenty of depth, wisdom and humor.

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Daphane Halfhill

23 reviews

1 follower

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April 19, 2012

i really enjoyed ths book. i still read it again now and again

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Eliz Palma

106 reviews

3 followers

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June 25, 2012

This book had a lot of good suggestions, and gave me a different perspective on problems in my relationship. I think it could greatly help us to communicate if my husband would read it too.

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Laura

27 reviews

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September 18, 2012

Might be helpful if your marriage is struggling. I didn't really find it useful, it was a little more interesting when I started thinking of how some aspects would apply to other couples.

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AtoZ Sky

5.0 out of 5 stars Good book

Reviewed in India 🇮🇳 on 16 February 2019

Verified Purchase

it's a very good book but it is not focused on the Buddha's teaching it is a normal book which gives you and adjustment of life and psychological effect of a good relationship

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Moey

5.0 out of 5 stars Wonderful philosophy for relationships

Reviewed in Canada 🇨🇦 on 21 January 2018

Verified Purchase

Wonderful philosophy for relationships. First few pages resonated with my husband and I and can't wait to practice the suggestions.

One person found this helpful

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Mansi

5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing book for insight into relationship behaviours.

Reviewed in India 🇮🇳 on 27 December 2014

Verified Purchase

I love this book. It was delivered really fast and now I keep it by my bedside. It is an amazing book for anyone who wants to bring understanding and peace in their relationships. Its not preachy at all.

One person found this helpful