The Road Less Travelled By Scott Peck | Full Audiobook (??)

The Road Less Travelled By Scott Peck | Full Audiobook

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Perhaps no book in this generation has had a more profound impact on our intellectual and spiritual lives than The Road Less Traveled. With sales of more than seven million copies in the United States and Canada, and translations into more than twenty-three languages, it has made publishing history, with more than ten years on the New York Times bestseller list.

Written in a voice that is timeless in its message of understanding, The Road Less Traveled continues to help us explore the very nature of loving relationships and leads us toward a new serenity and fullness of life. It helps us learn how to distinguish dependency from love; how to become a more sensitive parent; and ultimately how to become one’s own true self.

Recognizing that, as in the famous opening line of his book, “Life is difficult” and that the journey to spiritual growth is a long one, Dr. Peck never bullies his readers, but rather guides them gently through the hard and often painful process of change toward a higher level of self-understanding.

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Transcript

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Simon and Schuster audio presents The Road Less Traveled and Beyond

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spiritual growth in an Age of Anxiety ridden and read by M Scott Peck MD

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[Music]

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I am 60 years of age that statistic means different things

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for different people for me since I am not in the best of

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health and feel I've lived enough for three lifetimes it means that it is time

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I should start getting my Affairs in order as they say

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it seems proper for me these days to be about the business of tying up the Loose

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Ends of my life insofar as it is in my power to do so

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I write this book in that endeavor I wrote The Road Less Traveled at the

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vigorous age of 40. it was as if a spigot had been opened and other books

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have come pouring out ever since people have asked me what I hope to

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achieve by a particular book as if I generally had a grand strategy in mind

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the truth is I wrote them not out of strategy but simply because each book

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has said write me however hard it might be to defy there

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is such a thing as a muse and I have always and only operated

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under its orders all of my books are quite different from one another yet all of them have

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explored questions of epistemology epistemology is that branch of

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philosophy which addresses the question how do we know what we think we know how

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do we know anything a major theme of my work is the

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encouragement of the greatest possible range of thought in our search for

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answers and as I have come to realize all my Works whether for adults or children

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whether focused upon the individual or Society whether fiction or non-fiction

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may be looked upon in part as elaborations of one or more of the key

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Concepts in The Road Less Traveled as elaborations they carry those

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Concepts further they look deeper they go beyond

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this book is entitled The Road Less Traveled and Beyond because it ties

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together many of the ways over the past 20 years that I was pushed often

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stumbling to move beyond my first book in both my public writing and my

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personal Journey some may consider The Road Less Traveled

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and Beyond a compilation a compendium or a summary of all my published work

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but those words are inadequate synthesis would be a more adequate

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description but still fails to capture the beyondness of this work

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for in addition to tying up loose ends I wanted to break new ground as well

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I've been powerfully assisted in doing so by a quote attributed to Justice

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Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr who once said I don't give a fig for the Simplicity on

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this side of complexity but I would die for the Simplicity on

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the other side his profound sentiment has led me to

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organize this work into three sections

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part one is called Crusade against simplistic

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in it I decry the Primitive and effortless simplistic thinking that lies

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at the root of so much individual and societal sickness

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in part two wrestling with reality I describe the complex choices we must

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continually make and remake if we are to live well

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and in part three the other side of complexity

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I describe where we can arrive when we have been willing to pay all our proper

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intellectual and emotional dues although the phrase the other side rings

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with possible intimations of Heaven I am not so bold as to suggest that we can

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reach a heaven on Earth this side of the grave what I do suggest however is that we can

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indeed come to exist in a closer relationship to the holy

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and that on the other side of complexity there is a kind of Simplicity where we

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can know with humility that in the end all things point to God

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foreign

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[Music] [Applause]

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[Music]

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part one Crusade against simplistic

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in Ireland the Middle East Somalia Sri Lanka and countless other war-torn areas

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around the world Prejudice religious intolerance greed and fear have erupted

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into violence that has taken the lives of Millions America the damage caused by

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institutionalized racism is perhaps more subtle but no less devastating to the

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social fabric Rich versus poor black versus white

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pro-life versus pro-choice straight versus gay all our social political and economic

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conflicts fought under the banner of some ideology or deeply held belief

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but given the divisive and destructive results are these ideologies and beliefs

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rational or mere rationalizations for otherwise unreasonable Acts

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how often in fact do we stop to think about what we believe

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one of the major dilemmas we Face both as individuals and as a society is

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simplistic thinking or the failure to think it all it isn't just a problem it is the

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problem if we don't begin to think well it's highly likely that we may end up killing

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ourselves although I believe the route to finding answers is primarily through better

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thinking even this is not as simple as it may seem thinking is difficult

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thinking is complex and thinking is more than anything else a process with a

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course or Direction a lapse of time and a series of steps or stages that lead to

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some result to think well is a laborious often painstaking process until one becomes

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accustomed to being thoughtful an all too common flaw is that most

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people tend to believe they somehow instinctively know how to think and communicate

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in reality they do neither well either because they are too self-satisfied to

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examine their assumptions about thinking or too self-absorbed to invest the time

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and energy to do so as a result it is impossible to tell why

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they think as they do or how they make their decisions and when challenged they show very

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little awareness or become easily frustrated about the Dynamics involved

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in truly thinking and communicating well from my practice as a psychiatrist and

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my experiences and observations in general I have become familiar with the

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common errors related to the failure to think well one of course is simply not thinking

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another is making assumptions in thinking through the use of one-dimensional logic stereotypes and

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labeling another problem is the belief that thinking and communication don't require

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much effort another is assuming that thinking is a waste of time which is a particular

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factor in the quiet rage we experience around the failure to solve many social

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problems everywhere we turn the evidence is

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astounding simplistic thinking has become pandemic in society

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unfortunately various institutions in their failure to teach or demonstrate

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how to think well set people up for thinking simplistically

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typically this failure is found among the most influential institutions of

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society including more often than not the family the church and the mass media

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these institutions often unwittingly promote half truths sometimes even

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blatant lies under the guise of cultural ideas that we've taken for granted to be

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normal on the basis of cultural norms we usually assume that if everyone is

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thinking this or doing that it must be normal and correct

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there are positive Norms of course such as those that promote the work ethic and

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encourage civility in our interactions with each other but the negative Norms are the ones that

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create cultural chaos and they are the ones we must rethink

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frequently they are dressed up and made to look and sound pretty but when you go

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beneath the surface you'll find they are negative precisely because they

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discourage our growth they are based on half truths and

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outright lies that serve to manipulate and Hold Us hostage psychologically and

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spiritually the biggest lie promoted by some of our

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social institutions is that we're here to be happy all the time

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for motives of profit the lies of materialism and advertising suggests

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that if we're not happy comfortable and fulfilled we must be eating the wrong

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cereal or driving the wrong car or that we must not have it right with God

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how Wicked the truth is that our finest moments

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more often than not occur precisely when we are uncomfortable when we're not

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feeling happy or fulfilled when we're struggling and searching

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in this bombardment of one-dimensional thinking we're told and clear but subtle

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ways about what is expected of us in order to fit into society

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if we want to be seen as normal we are simply expected to go along with the

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lies our laziness our natural idolatry of

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ease and comfort makes us co-conspirators with the mass media

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media images are ripe with rigid Concepts about our Humanity

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the negative Norm in our advertising directly or indirectly suggests that

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women are primarily sexual objects who lose their value as they age

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the valuable male in our advertising is the one who makes money

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in part because of the simplistic inherent in sexist thinking many a man

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deems his work outside the home as exponentially more important than his

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wife's homemaking skills in order to boost his self-image despite the

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tensions it creates to uphold his flawed assumptions rather than update their Vision both men

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and women in our society engage in simplistic thinking in order to conform

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to negative norms we have an obligation to confront our

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simplistic thinking about what being normal should mean

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to use critical thinking doesn't mean that everyone must become a walking encyclopedia

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but we have an obligation to study learn and think about those things that are of

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high importance one of the most crucial skills of

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critical thinking is that of deciding what is essential to think or learn

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about and what is non-essential and we must acknowledge the gaps in our

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own knowledge rather than let Pride fear or laziness lure us into taking the role

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of the know-it-all to assume we know everything and

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particularly something we don't really know as the old saying goes is to make

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an ass out of you and me there are people who assume their way of

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thinking whether it's about a woman's right to abortion or about prayer in

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schools has to be always right despite any evidence to the contrary

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they can't won't consider alternatives

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some of the most common and often destructive assumptions are based on stereotypes about ourselves and other

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people stereotyping typically involves labeling and categorizing people and things in a

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simple-minded manner many make judgments about others on the basis of labels such as associating

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liberals with bleeding hearts and conservatives with the righteously rigid

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racial and ethnic labels are ripe with misleading assumptions about the

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characters of individuals who are identified with these groups there is a common assumption among many

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that anyone who openly calls himself a Christian must be a Fundamentalist

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or that anyone who calls himself agnostic must not be spiritually mature

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we need to use labels to size up some things

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there are times when we must make temporary decisions until we have more

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information or experience about a situation or person but for the most part we tend to label

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for the wrong reasons when we use labeling to make assumptions

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and unjustly discriminate against others or to make excuses for ourselves we

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infer broader qualities about a person or a situation without the information

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necessary to support our conclusions sometimes the consequences can be

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destructive not only to others but to ourselves

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when I was in Psychiatry training schizophrenia was labeled as a thinking

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disorder or a thought disorder since that time I have come to believe

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that all psychiatric disorders are thinking disorders

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individuals at the extremes of mental illness such as those with some forms of

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schizophrenia are clearly the victims of disordered thinking and may be so far

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out of touch with reality that they cannot function well in day-to-day

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activities yet we have all met narcissists obsessive compulsives and passive

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dependent people in our social and work lives their mental health may be fragile but

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they manage to appear normal and get by the fact however is that they too are

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disordered thinkers narcissists cannot think about other

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people obsessive compulsives cannot think about the big picture

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passive dependent people cannot think for themselves

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in every psychiatric condition I have worked with over the years there was

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some disorder of thinking involved most people who go into therapy are

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suffering from either a Neurosis or a character disorder

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among the general population who never go to see a psychotherapist these

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conditions are equally prominent and are again the result of disordered thinking

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both are at root illusions of responsibility and as such they are

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opposite styles of thinking and relating to the world and the problems in life

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the neurotic person is under the illusion that she is responsible for

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everyone or everything and as a result often assumes too much responsibility

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when neurotics are in conflict with the world they tend to automatically assume

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that they are at fault the person with the character disorder

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on the other hand operates under the illusion that he shouldn't have to be responsible for himself or anyone else

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thus he's not likely to take on enough responsibility

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let me point out that all of us have to live with some illusions

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they are what psychologists call Healthy illusions that help support us during

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periods of transition in life and give us hope

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take the illusion of romantic love people wouldn't get married without it

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the illusion that raising children is going to be more fun than pain is

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healthy too otherwise we wouldn't have children Illusions are not totally bad unless we

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hold on to them far too long and beyond their usefulness

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the problem comes when our Illusions consistently interfere with growth

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for example the 16 year old who becomes obsessive in her thinking about her

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eating habits and appearance May react as if she is never thin enough or good

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enough to measure up to the other girls in her school in taking this illusion to an extreme

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she may starve herself and become anorectic or she may outgrow this neurotic dilemma

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by the time she reaches her twenties and become more confident and self-assured

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so a mild Neurosis or slight character disorder need not be viewed as a

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lifetime disposition on the other hand are persistent

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neuroses and character disorders are crippling if not dealt with

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Carl Jung wrote Neurosis is always a substitute for

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legitimate suffering but the substitute can become more painful than the legitimate suffering it

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was designed to avoid as I wrote In The Road Less Traveled

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true to form many will then attempt to avoid this pain and this problem in turn

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building layer upon layer of neurosis fortunately however some possess the

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courage to face their neuroses and begin usually with the help of psychotherapy

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to learn how to experience legitimate suffering in any case when we avoid the legitimate

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suffering that results from dealing with problems we also avoid the growth that

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problems demand from us when I was in training it was

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fashionable to decry intellectual insight the only thing that was considered

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important was emotional insight as if intellectual understanding was worthless

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this was simplistic thinking while I agree that ultimately there has

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to be emotional Insight most of the time you can't even begin to understand the

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emotional aspects of an individual case until you have attained intellectual

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insight let us take the Oedipus complex for example

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an adult with an unresolved Oedipus complex cannot be healed unless he first

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intellectually knows what an Oedipus complex is if he can be healed at all

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to become healthy adults we first must resolve the edible dilemma of giving up

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our sexual feelings for our parents if it's a boy the father is seen as the

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competition for the mother's attention if it's a girl the desire for the father

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is a sexual or love object means competing with the mother it's crucial that as people become

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adults they come to terms with not being able to possess the parent in the way

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that they have fantasized a woman who moved from Florida to

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Connecticut to see me for therapy was a case in point she was an early fan of The Road Less

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Traveled and she had the money to make such a move in hindsight I should have discouraged

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her from packing up and moving so far because there are always local therapists available

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it was one of several mistakes I made in this case and her healing was incomplete

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given the difficulties I encountered with her in therapy the furthest we got

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in penetrating the real issue was the day when she first heard herself clearly

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utter her hidden motives for coming to me for therapy after leaving a session this particular

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day she sat in her car sobbing and shaking at the steering wheel

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well maybe when I get over my Oedipus complex she said then Dr Peck will marry

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me I had become the Father Figure in her life a replacement for the father she

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could not have later she said to me maybe you're right

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maybe I do have an Oedipus Complex but we wouldn't have gotten even that

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far had I not first intellectually explain to her what an Oedipus complex

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was to give up something represents making a change but many people are unwilling to

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make the changes that will heal them that is the sort of price they pay for a

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thinking disorder given our almost addictive Reliance on

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assumptions and the illusions that coexist with them we often miscommunicate with others creating

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great chaos the failure to question our assumption leads to failures in really hearing what

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is being communicated to us we remain oblivious to the basics of

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good communication many people think that listening is a

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passive interaction it is just the reverse listening well is

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an active exercise of our attention and by necessity hard work

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when we extend ourselves by attempting to listen and communicate well we take

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an extra step or walk an extra mile we do so in opposition to the inertia of

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laziness or the resistance of fear which always requires hard work

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listening well requires total concentration upon another and is a

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manifestation of love in broadest sense of the word an essential part of listening well is

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the discipline of bracketing the temporary giving up or setting aside of

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your own prejudices frames of reference and Desires in order to experience as

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far as possible another's World from the inside stepping inside his or her shoes

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this unification of speaker and listener is actually an extension an enlargement

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of ourselves and new knowledge is always gained from

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it moreover since listening well involves bracketing it also temporarily involves

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a total acceptance of the other sensing this acceptance the speaker will

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feel less and less vulnerable and more and more inclined to open up the inner

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recesses of his or her mind to The Listener as this happens speaker and listener

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begin to understand each other more and more most of the time we lack this energy

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even though we may feel in our business dealings or social relationships that we

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are listening well what we are usually doing is listening selectively

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often we have a preset agenda in mind and wonder as we listen how we can

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achieve certain desired results to get the conversation over with as quickly as

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possible or redirected in ways more satisfactory to us

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many of us are far more interested in talking than in listening

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or we simply refuse to listen to what we don't want to hear

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I have found that knowing that one is being truly listened to is frequently in

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and of itself remarkably therapeutic it should go without saying that you

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can't truly communicate well if you don't listen well and you are unable to listen well unless

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you are thinking well there is a sharp distinction between disordered versus clear thinking yet

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there is a rule in Psychiatry that there is no such thing as a bad thought or

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feeling it is a useful rule in certain ways in other ways it is itself simplistic

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we can make ethical judgments only about actions if someone thinks about hitting you and

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then proceeds to bash you over the head with a lamp that is bad

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to just think about doing it isn't it is the distinction between private

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thought and public action the latter involves externalizing our

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thoughts by acting on them so we arrive at a paradox regarding

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freedom and thinking on the one hand we are free to think

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anything to be healed we have to be free to be ourselves

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but that doesn't mean we are free to impose our thoughts on others or engage

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in destructive actions without consequences thus with the freedom to think and feel

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comes the responsibility to discipline our thoughts and feelings

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I Champion a proposal by a friend of mine who wants to underscore these

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points in a symbolic way he believes we should erect a statue of

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responsibility on the west coast to bring balance to the Statue of Liberty

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that stands on the East Coast indeed we cannot separate freedom from

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responsibility with the freedom that we have to think for ourselves ultimately we must hold

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ourselves accountable for how and what we think and whether we are using our

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capacity for thinking to get the most out of life

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along with the belief most people have that they naturally know how to think is

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an underlying correlating assumption that thinking doesn't require much effort or time

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while we are fortunate to live in a society that allows the efficient use of

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our time in everyday living such as being able to pick up dry cleaning and a

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meal along the same route on our way home we have come to expect results to

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be as quick as service at a fast food restaurant we are encouraged to use our time

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efficiently but we seldom take the time to think efficiently

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as a result many people show little interest in contemplation

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they wouldn't think of going on a long automobile trip without consulting a map

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and deciding which route to take but in their psychosocial spiritual

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journey through life they rarely stop to think about why they're going where

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they're going where they really want to go or how best to plot out and

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facilitate the journey in this simplistic approach we often

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Overlook various aspects of Our Lives that are desperate for attention until

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they become full-blown crises or we dismiss new ideas that could

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further our growth simply because they do not fit in within the general framework of our preconceived notions

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and self-concepts an enormous amount of time is spent

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simply reacting we must acknowledge that thinking well is a time-consuming process

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we cannot expect instant results I consider one of my identities to be

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that of an efficiency expert both as a psychiatrist and as a writer I

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have worked to help people live their lives more efficiently not necessarily

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to be happy or comfortable all the time but rather to learn as much as possible

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in any given situation and get the most out of life

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when you are efficient you can accomplish more things in a shorter time

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span in thinking efficiently you learn how to prioritize what's important in order to

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face life's difficulties head on rather than pretend they are inconsequential

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efficiency necessarily includes discipline being disciplined involves an ability to

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delay gratification as well as a willingness to consider alternatives

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on the other hand thinking simplistically leads you to make undisciplined knee-jerk responses rather

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than considering choices that would lead to wise and productive decisions

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to think well demands the integration of multiple dimensions in order to see the

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whole picture it is the essence of thinking with integrity

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the word integrity comes from the noun integer which means whole entire

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complete to think and ultimately to act with Integrity we have to integrate the

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multiple reasons and dimensions of our incredibly complex world

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we psychiatrists have a verb for the opposite of integrate to compartmentalize

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it means to take things that are properly related and stick them in separate airtight compartments in our

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minds where they don't have to rub up against each other and cause us any stress or pain friction or tension

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if you want to think with integrity and you are willing to Bear the pain involved you will inevitably encounter

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paradox the prefix para is Greek meaning by the

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side of past Beyond doxa means opinion

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thus the Paradox refers to a statement contrary to Common belief or one that

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seems contradictory unbelievable or absurd but may actually be true in fact

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if a concept is paradoxical that itself should suggest that its facts of

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integrity and has the Ring Of Truth conversely if a concept is not in the

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least paradoxical you may suspect that it has failed to integrate some aspect

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of the whole the ethic of rugged individualism is an

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example many fall prey to this illusion because they do not or will not think with

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integrity for the reality is that we do not exist either by or for ourselves

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if I think with any integrity at all I have to recognize that my life is

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nurtured by the entire fabric of family society and creation

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I am not solely an individual I am interdependent and much of the time

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I do not even have the right to act ruggedly

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to understand Paradox ultimately means being able to grasp two contradictory

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Concepts in one's mind without going crazy as a psychiatrist I do not use the word

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crazy in a flippant way it can actually make people crazy when

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something they have taken for granted to be true and the only truth comes into

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question it is certainly a skill of mental acrobatics to juggle opposing ideas in

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one's mind without automatically negating or rejecting the reality of one

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or the other but even when the greatest impulse is to

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deny something that one finds hard to digest such as the fact that evil

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coexists with good in our world the ability to understand Paradox is

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necessary in the process of sorting through Illusions half truths and

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outright lies it is unquestionable that certain

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changes are needed in society to encourage better thinking but at the

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same time each individual is responsible for his or her own thinking and how to

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meet this challenge ultimately if we can teach people to

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think well we could heal most of the ills of individuals and most of the ills

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of society

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the point of thinking well is to become more conscious which in turn is a

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prerequisite for solving problems well but what is consciousness

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and why is it the point Consciousness is among many other things

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including Love Prayer Beauty and community that are too large complex and

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mysterious to submit to any single adequate definition

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that there is no single adequate definition of Consciousness is not surprising

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for the most part we can Define only those things that are smaller than we

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are I believe that all those things too large for a single simplistic definition

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including Consciousness ultimately have something to do with God

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that is why for example the Muslims have a Prohibition against any image of God

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since it could not capture or Define God but would only represent a tiny segment

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of the whole and hence would be in a sense a desecration

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Consciousness has no specific sight in the brain nonetheless insofar as it can be

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regionalized it is more localized in our frontal lobes than anyplace else

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tumors of our frontal lobes will often first manifest themselves by a

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diminished awareness and alertness and hence a diminished capacity to solve

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complex problems Sciences of anthropology in neuroanatomy

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strongly suggest that the direction of all evolution is toward the development

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of the frontal lobes and hence the development of consciousness

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but the Bible in mythology also have much to teach about the evolution of

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human consciousness the great myth of Genesis 3 one of the

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most complicated and multi-dimensional myths about our Humanity provides us

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with another major hint in it God forbade Adam and Eve to eat of

40:36

the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil instead they gave into

40:41

temptation urged by a fallen angel we are told

40:46

in their Disobedience they hid from God when God asked why they were hiding they

40:55

explained it was because they were naked who told you you were naked God asked

41:01

and the secret was out in other words the first result of

41:08

eating of the tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil is that Adam and Eve became shy or modest because they were

41:16

now self-conscious they were aware that they were naked

41:23

from this we can extrapolate that the emotions of guilt and shame are

41:28

manifestations of consciousness and although both emotions can be

41:33

exaggerated to the point of pathology within limits they are an essential part

41:39

of our humanity and necessary for our psychological development and

41:44

functioning so Genesis 3 is a myth of evolution

41:49

and specifically of human evolution into consciousness

41:54

like other myths it is an embodiment of Truth

42:00

when we humans became self-conscious we became conscious of ourselves as

42:06

separate entities we lost that sense of Oneness with

42:12

nature and the rest of creation this loss is symbolized by our

42:18

banishment from Paradise and inevitably as Adam and Eve developed a higher level

42:24

of self-awareness they arrived at a realization that consequences follow

42:30

action and that their choices would be forever burdensome by virtue of the

42:36

responsibility entail all of humanity has inherited this

42:42

predicament we have all been thrust into the desert of maturity

42:50

thus there is a far more profound implication of our Evolution into Consciousness than just guilt or shame

42:58

it is when we are conscious that we have free will more than anything else I believe what

43:06

is meant by God creating Us in his own image is that through the evolutionary

43:11

process he gave us free will there is no free will when we are

43:17

operating at a purely reflexive or instinctual level

43:23

as soon as God our evolution gave us free will he immediately let

43:29

loose the potential for human evil in the world there is no choice there is no evil if

43:37

one is to have free will then one must have the power to choose between Good

43:43

and Evil and one is as free to choose the evil as

43:48

the good so it strikes me as no accident that the

43:53

very next thing that happened in the story was an example of evil in Genesis 4 Cain murders Abel

44:03

was it nothing more than a matter of free will that he chose to do so

44:08

when God asked Cain where Abel was he replied with a question

44:13

am I My Brother's Keeper we can recognize this as a gross

44:20

rationalization representing defensive thinking it is extremely shallow almost reflexive

44:27

thinking this gives us a hint that Cain murdered Abel because he chose not to think more

44:34

deeply with free will we have the choice to think or to not think

44:41

or to think deeply or to think shallowly

44:47

but why would someone choose not to think deeply why would someone choose to think only

44:54

simplistically superficially and reflexively the answer is that despite our

45:02

Consciousness what we have in common with other creatures is a preference to

45:07

avoid pain to think deeply is often more painful

45:12

than thinking shallowing the pain involved may not make

45:19

Consciousness seem worthwhile or good until you consider some of the prices we

45:24

pay for failing to grow in Consciousness or to think with integrity

45:30

there is much evil in the world unnecessary individual suffering

45:36

tremendous damage to human relations and societal chaos

45:41

due to our failures to Think and Grow in consciousness

45:47

while important distinctions are to be made between evil and Insanity illness

45:53

and sin I wrote in people of the lie that to name something correctly gives

45:59

us a certain amount of power over it I believe that evil can be defined as a

46:06

specific form of mental illness and should be subject to at least the same

46:12

intensity of scientific

46:38

foreign

46:49

to explain the unknown there is widespread denial of this in

46:55

our country many downplay or hesitate to see evil for what it truly is

47:02

in part because they don't want to appear to be acting arrogant or holier

47:07

than thou indeed it is quite common to read newspaper articles that describe Those

47:13

who commit a range of human atrocities as simply

47:19

as a psychiatrist I believe the word sick is more appropriately applied to

47:25

those who are afflicted with something for which treatment or a cure is possible and also desired

47:33

although evil people are operating from a sick perspective the difference is

47:39

that many of those who are sick deal with their venom internally turning it

47:44

painfully upon themselves if they choose not to seek help those who are evil go another way

47:53

they fail to suffer because they lash out at others and use

47:58

them as scapegoats it is the people around them who must suffer

48:05

of course an evil deed does not an evil person make

48:11

otherwise we would all be designated as evil because we all do evil things

48:18

but I believe it would be a mistake to think of sin or evil as simply a matter

48:23

of degree sinning is most broadly defined as missing the mark

48:30

which means we sin every time we fail to hit the bullseye

48:36

sin is nothing less than a failure to be continually perfect

48:41

and because it is impossible for us to be continually perfect we are all

48:47

sinners Carl Jung ascribed the root of human

48:52

evil to what he called the refusal to meet the shadow

48:58

by the shadow young meant the part of our mind that contains those things that

49:04

we would rather not own up to that we are continually trying to hide

49:09

from ourselves and others and sweep under the rug of our consciousness

49:17

those who are evil refuse to Bear the pain of guilt or to allow the shadow

49:23

into Consciousness and meet it instead they will set about often at

49:31

great effort militantly trying to destroy the evidence of their sin or anyone who

49:38

speaks of it or represents it and in this act of Destruction their

49:44

evil is committed traditional Freudian psychology has

49:50

taught us that the causes of most psychological disorders stem from hidden

49:55

feelings feelings of anger unacknowledged sexual desire

50:01

Etc because of this psychological illness has been localized in the unconscious

50:08

Realm by most thinkers as if the unconscious were the seat of

50:13

psychopathology and symptoms were like Subterranean demons that surfaced to torment the

50:20

individual my own view is the opposite

50:26

I believe that all psychological disorders are basically disorders of

50:31

consciousness they are not rooted in the unconscious but in a conscious mind that refuses to

50:40

think and is unwilling to deal with certain issues bear certain feelings or

50:46

tolerate pain these issues feelings or desires are in

50:52

the unconscious only because a pain avoiding conscious mind has thrust them

51:00

there of course no one walking around is so

51:06

unhealthy that he is not at least slightly conscious and no one is so healthy that she is

51:12

totally conscious but perhaps the best measure of the degree of Consciousness can be found in

51:20

the consistency of a person's General approach to thinking for example a person who is oriented

51:28

more toward thinking simplistically has a lesser degree of Consciousness than a

51:33

person who thinks with integrity in this way thinking and Consciousness

51:38

are inextricably locked together in a parallel relationship

51:45

and the search for greater Consciousness is the foundation of mental and

51:50

spiritual growth it is through this growth that we become ever more competent

51:58

although we can pinpoint various capabilities and talents that allow us

52:03

to meet the demands of life or to develop a deafness in problem-solving

52:09

skills General competence is a much more complex capability

52:16

true competence is more about growing in wisdom than mere knowledge

52:22

it entails striving toward a psychological and spiritual maturity

52:27

that results in real personal power one way of talking about this

52:34

progression of awareness or Consciousness is in terms of what is known as ego development

52:41

in a world waiting to be born I wrote that the ego is the governing part of

52:47

our personality and its development in early childhood the ego is totally

52:54

down at the level of the emotions and totally enmeshed with them

52:59

when children are joyful they are one hundred percent joyful

53:04

when they are sad they are 100 percent sad sometimes to the point of being

53:10

inconsolable the capacity for self-awareness very

53:16

gradually increases throughout childhood in adolescence however it undergoes a

53:23

dramatic growth spurt for the first time young people have a

53:28

quite obvious observing ego now they can observe themselves being

53:34

joyful or sad or angry when they are feeling so this means that the ego is no longer

53:42

wholly confined to the level of the emotions now a part of it the observing ego is

53:49

detached from the emotions above them looking on there is a certain resulting loss of

53:57

spontaneity since self-consciousness often becomes

54:02

painful at this stage of Psychosocial Spiritual Development many people move

54:09

into adulthood forsaking rather than continuing its development

54:15

when unwittingly the majority settle for a limited even diminished awareness of

54:22

their own feelings and Imperfections they have stopped short on the Journey of personal growth

54:28

thereby failing to fulfill their human potential or grow into true

54:35

psychospiritual power but a fortunate minority for reasons

54:41

both mysterious and graceful continue the journey ever strengthening their

54:48

observing egos rather than allowing them to atrophy

54:53

exercising the observing ego is crucial because if it becomes strong enough the

54:59

individual is then in a position where she can proceed to the next stage and

55:05

develop what I call a Transcendent ego with a Transcendent ego we become more

55:13

aware of our broader Dimensions better prepared to realistically decide when

55:20

where and why to express the essence of Who We Are

55:25

in becoming more conscious of the full range of our thoughts and feelings we

55:30

inevitably become less threatened by the knowledge of our flaws and can more

55:36

readily integrate and appreciate the whole of who we are the good and the bad

55:43

yet once again in the interest of reality we must remember that all

55:49

blessings are potential curses and that both Consciousness and competence are

55:55

inextricably interwoven with pain in the price of greatness Arnold Ludwig

56:03

examined the lives of 1004 eminent figures of the 20th century who

56:10

represented various disciplines including artists writers inventors and

56:16

other creative individuals in exploring the relationship between

56:21

genius and mental health Ludwig wrote that among the common elements of the

56:27

great Geniuses of our times all showed a Readiness to discard prevalent views

56:34

irreverence toward established Authority a strong capacity for Solitude and a

56:42

psychological unease which could cause mental trouble such as depression

56:48

anxiety or alcoholism but if these qualities were not too

56:54

incapacitating they actually contributed to the individual's ability to achieve

57:00

significant creativity Blaze new trails propose radical Solutions and promote

57:07

new schools of thought one aspect of the pain of being gifted

57:14

and highly conscious has to do with the struggle to come to terms with one's

57:19

superiority as I wrote in a world waiting to be born many who are truly Superior will

57:27

struggle against their genius call to personal and civil power because they

57:33

reject the calling from fear of exercising Authority usually they are reluctant to consider

57:41

themselves better than or above others do in large part to a sense of humility

57:48

that accompanies their personal and spiritual power

57:53

yet another painful burden that comes with increased Consciousness and competence is the loneliness of

58:00

transcending traditional culture throughout the ages there have been only

58:06

a few among Millions a Socrates or a Jesus who have obviously

58:12

risen above the rigidity of culture and simplistic thinking of their times

58:20

now as a result of mass communications

58:25

Psychotherapy and Grace I would estimate that there are many thousands of adults

58:31

in our country who are on this Cutting Edge but deep thinkers are often

58:39

misunderstood by the masses who continue to view life and the world

58:44

simplistically since many who are conscious do not readily buy into the go along to get

58:52

along mentality that is prevalent in society they find it hard to fit neatly

58:58

into the mainstream they pay a price of feeling at least partially alienated from families and

59:06

isolated from old friends and cultural rituals

59:11

there is still another pain of Consciousness so great and so important that it warrants even deeper

59:18

consideration I refer to our consciousness of death and die

59:25

in our death denying and youth worshiping culture we go to Great

59:30

Lengths to avoid facing even the smallest reminders of death

59:35

the path of health and healing is the opposite from that of the denial of

59:40

death whether young or old a deep consciousness of death ultimately leads

59:47

us on a path towards seeking meaning inherent in this is that we must come to

59:54

terms with the reality of change which requires adjustments all the time in the

1:00:01

way we think and behave and particularly when we have become the

1:00:06

most comfortable with Where We Are and change often feels like dying like

1:00:14

death I have suggested many reasons to grow in

1:00:19

consciousness but we can always ask more radical questions

1:00:25

if one reason is to find meaning what meaning are we seeking

1:00:30

the more we can become conscious the more we will grow in power and

1:00:35

competence but to what purpose granted that the whole thrust of

1:00:41

evolution is in the direction of consciousness but where are we evolving toward

1:00:49

nothing will ever remove all mystery but I believe at least part of the answer to

1:00:56

these questions can be found in the Latin derivation of the word conscious

1:01:02

which is Khan scary meaning literally to

1:01:07

know with what a strange derivative to know with

1:01:14

to know with what I suggest that the answer is to know

1:01:19

with God I have said that psychological disorders primarily have their root in

1:01:26

Consciousness rather than our unconscious that nasty material is contained in our

1:01:33

unconscious only because our conscious mind refuses to deal with it

1:01:38

if we can deal with this unpleasant stuff then our unconscious mind offers

1:01:44

an absolute Garden of delights through which we are connected to God

1:01:51

in other words I believe that God reveals herself to us through our

1:01:56

unconscious if we are willing to be open to it and conscious of its wisdom

1:02:05

if we are not necessarily here to be happy fulfilled or comfortable all the

1:02:12

time what are we here for what is the meaning of life

1:02:18

I believe the reason we are here is to learn which is to say to evolve

1:02:25

and I defy you to imagine a more ideal environment for human learning than this

1:02:33

life it is a life filled with vicissitudes uncertainty and hard lessons

1:02:41

but in Benjamin Franklin's words those things that hurt instruct

1:02:47

and as is the case with both thinking and Consciousness the business of

1:02:52

learning is neither simple nor entirely straightforward it too is filled with mystery

1:03:00

my primary identity is that of a scientist and we scientists are

1:03:07

empiricists who believe that the best route to knowledge is through experience

1:03:13

so we scientists conduct experiments or controlled experiences to gain new

1:03:20

knowledge and find truth in the world by the same token I am a spiritual

1:03:26

person I know of God not only because of Faith but also on the basis of evidence namely

1:03:34

my experiences of Grace I have commonly spoken about Grace as a

1:03:42

pattern of Highly improbable events with a beneficial outcome

1:03:47

this is why I have concluded that in such patterns we can see the fingerprints if not the actual hand of

1:03:56

God my assertion that this world is an ideal

1:04:01

environment for human learning suggests the possibility that it might have been

1:04:06

constructed by God for that purpose which immediately brings us to a

1:04:12

discussion about the notion of the Soul Keats referred to this world as the veil

1:04:20

of Soul making which means we're here to learn and be

1:04:26

prepared this belief is one that Christianity and other religions have in common with

1:04:32

reincarnation Theory which suggests that we're here to get rid of Bad Karma and

1:04:37

to learn lessons that are necessary so that we can eventually make the transition Beyond this world of rebirth

1:04:46

I Define the soul as a god-created god nurtured unique developable Immortal

1:04:56

human spirit by God nurtured I mean that not only did

1:05:02

God create us from the moment of our conception but also that God through

1:05:07

Grace continues to nurture us throughout our lives

1:05:12

there would be no point in her doing so unless she wanted something from us

1:05:18

what does she want she wants us to learn and most of Grace seems to be devoted to

1:05:27

that end the other key word to describe the soul is developable

1:05:34

there would be no point in God wanting us to learn unless we were capable of

1:05:40

development we are evolving creatures not only as an

1:05:46

entire race but as individuals as physical beings our bodies stop

1:05:53

developing and inevitably decay but our psychospiritual development can

1:06:00

continue until the moment we die and I suspect long long afterwards

1:06:07

for this psychospiritual development I will frequently use the word growth

1:06:13

and in this way growth is inextricably dependent upon learning

1:06:22

during our childhood most of our learning is passive in other words for

1:06:28

the most part it just happens for example to this day how children

1:06:35

learn to speak their language remains mostly a mystery and even before children learn language

1:06:42

they learn what psychologists call their ego boundaries

1:06:47

there is reason to believe that the newborn infant cannot distinguish himself from the world

1:06:54

but somehow during the first nine months of Life the child learns that his arm is

1:07:00

his and that it is different from mummies are and his fingers are distinguishable from Daddy's fingers

1:07:08

he learns that when he has a stomachache that doesn't mean that the whole world must have a stomachache too

1:07:15

such learning does not seem to be a matter of choice which is why I call it passive

1:07:21

although it is passive learning during childhood is extremely important

1:07:27

it is also the time when if we are fortunate we will begin to gain

1:07:33

emotional as well as intellectual intelligence

1:07:38

many have steadfastly bought into the notion that intelligence can only be

1:07:44

gauged by numerical measures that is perhaps true of analytical

1:07:49

intelligence but as a result other aspects of intelligence have tended to

1:07:55

be overlooked or down plagued particularly those involving intangible

1:08:00

factors such as self-awareness empathy and social consciousness

1:08:07

thus I find quite promising some new research that suggests how someone

1:08:12

handles emotions is as much an accurate and important indication of human

1:08:18

intelligence as intellectual skills

1:08:24

developing emotional intelligence are formidable in a culture that emphasizes

1:08:30

left brain intellectual over right brain intuitive reasoning

1:08:37

it is no wonder that in childhood we find the beginnings of emotional numbness when children learn to repress

1:08:44

feelings or shut off completely many adults who are not comfortable with

1:08:51

emotions may constantly criticize children about feelings or scold them to

1:08:59

not feel that way resulting in the repression of emotional awareness

1:09:06

vitally important as the passive learning of childhood is both emotionally and intellectually the

1:09:14

active learning of adulthood if it occurs at all is ultimately even

1:09:19

more important among some psychologists there has been a tendency to think that by adolescence

1:09:27

the damage has been done that For Better or For ill the personality is set

1:09:33

this is not necessarily so among other things it is possible that

1:09:40

as Jonathan Swift said the latter part of a man's life is taken up in curing

1:09:47

all of the Follies prejudices and false opinions he has contracted in the former

1:09:53

part the active learning of adulthood is not only possible but infinitely desirable

1:10:02

in some ways we understand much more clearly how people can learn in

1:10:07

adulthood by active deliberate choice what we do not understand about is why

1:10:15

we are now confronted with the extraordinary mystery of the human will

1:10:21

I believe that a strong will is one of the greatest blessings that can be bestowed upon a human being

1:10:29

for instance it is strong-willed people those with the mysterious will to grow

1:10:35

who do well in Psychotherapy no matter what their childhood or background was

1:10:41

like no matter what the odds on the other hand other people who seem

1:10:47

to lack this mysterious will to grow May possess all manner of assets and yet sit

1:10:53

on their Duff getting no place in further along the road less travel I

1:11:00

wrote that I used to explain to my patients that having a weak will is like

1:11:05

having a little donkey in your backyard it can't hurt you very much

1:11:11

about the worst it can do is Chomp on your tulips but it can't help you that much either

1:11:17

and you could end up with a life of regrets for not doing things you thought

1:11:22

you should do having a strong will on the other hand is like having a dozen Clydesdales in

1:11:30

your backyard those horses are massive creatures and

1:11:36

extremely strong and if they are not properly trained disciplined and harnessed they will

1:11:43

knock your house down on the other hand if they are properly trained disciplined and harnessed then

1:11:50

with them you can literally move mountains thus the distinction between the harness

1:11:58

and unharnessed will is important but to what should the will be harnessed

1:12:05

your will cannot be harnessed simply to yourself it has to be harnessed to a power higher

1:12:13

than yourself in his book will and spirit the first

1:12:21

chapter of which is entitled willingness and willfulness the psychiatrist Gerald

1:12:28

May wrote that willfulness characterizes the unharnessed human will

1:12:36

whereas willingness identifies the strong will of a person who is willing

1:12:41

to go where he or she is called or led by a higher power

1:12:48

furthermore given the relationship between willingness and a higher power

1:12:53

it is no coincidence that as I wrote in the road last travel the will to grow is

1:12:59

in essence the same phenomenon as love I defined love as the will to extend

1:13:08

oneself for one's own or another's spiritual growth

1:13:14

genuinely loving people are by definition growing people

1:13:19

thus I have come to believe that people's capacity to love hence their

1:13:25

will to grow is nurtured not only during childhood by loving parents but also

1:13:31

throughout their lives by Grace or God's love

1:13:37

even many who do not identify God as their higher power may show a

1:13:42

willingness to submit themselves to something they consider to be greater than themselves

1:13:48

such as the ideals of Love Light and Truth in the end of course all these qualities

1:13:56

have something to do with God nonetheless it is my impression that as

1:14:02

they continue over the years and decades to devote their will to learning and

1:14:07

growth these people almost inevitably will fall into the hands of the Living

1:14:12

God and their soul will be in a personal relationship with its creator and

1:14:20

nurturer we have all heard about narcissists

1:14:27

people who cannot or will not think about other people I believe that we are all born

1:14:35

narcissists healthy people grow out of their natural narcissism which can be accomplished

1:14:42

only as they become more conscious and learn to consider others more

1:14:48

this learning is a spiral process because the more we learn the more

1:14:53

conscious we become learning my way out of narcissism has

1:14:59

been the single greatest theme of my life and looking back marriage has been my

1:15:06

greatest teacher in a world waiting to be born I wrote that because of my own narcissism early

1:15:13

in our relationship it only began to dawn on me after two years of marriage

1:15:18

that my wife Lily might be something more than my appendage

1:15:24

it was the friction of our relationship that opened my eyes

1:15:29

I found myself repeatedly annoyed at her for being away from home shopping at

1:15:35

times when I needed her and equally annoyed at her for pestering

1:15:40

me when I felt in need of Solitude gradually I began to realize that most

1:15:47

of my irritation was the result of a bizarre assumption in my mind

1:15:53

I assumed that Lily should somehow be there for me whenever I wanted her and

1:15:59

not be there whenever her presence was inconvenient furthermore I assume that she should not

1:16:06

only know which time was which but also know it without my having to tell her

1:16:13

it was perhaps another decade before I was able to fully cure myself of that

1:16:20

particular insanity but that was only the beginning

1:16:26

one of the reasons my marriage to Lily has survived is because we each in our

1:16:31

own way are deeply considerate people at first however this consideration had

1:16:38

more to do with our self-image than anything else we wanted to think of ourselves as good

1:16:44

people so we tried to be good being good meant being considerate and

1:16:50

we knew the Great rule of goodness or consideration was do unto others as you

1:16:55

would have done unto you so we tried very hard to treat each other the way we wanted to be treated

1:17:03

only it didn't work out very well because like many couples the reality is

1:17:09

that Lily and I entered marriage as milder types of narcissists

1:17:14

we were exquisitely polite but not yet wise because we were operating under the

1:17:21

narcissistic assumption that the other was just like us or else misguided

1:17:28

but as I recounted in a book partly about the Journey of our marriage together in search of stones what we

1:17:36

eventually Learned was that the golden rule is just the beginning to grow we had to learn to recognize and

1:17:44

respect the otherness of each other indeed this is the advanced course of

1:17:51

marriage which teaches do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you

1:17:57

were in their particular unique and different shoes

1:18:02

it is not easy learning after almost six Decades of living Lily

1:18:09

and I are still learning it and sometimes feel like beginners we are learning that our differences

1:18:16

create the spice of our marriage as well as the wisdom of it the expression two heads are better than

1:18:23

one would be meaningless if both heads were exactly the same

1:18:28

so growing out of narcissism allows for the process known as collaboration where

1:18:35

people labor together with wits as well as brawn

1:18:40

yet we are confronted with a paradox even as we strive to grow out of

1:18:46

narcissism it is vital that we simultaneously learn to come to terms

1:18:52

with just how important and valuable we are we need to be able to recognize both the

1:19:00

good and bad parts of ourselves but that does not mean as many falsely

1:19:06

conclude that we should give more Credence to the negative parts of who we

1:19:11

are and downplay or altogether dismiss the good parts

1:19:16

yet many do so in trying to display a pseudo-humility that may extend to an

1:19:23

inability to receive compliments or assert themselves when appropriate to do

1:19:28

so further there is a distinction to be made between self-love which I propose

1:19:36

is always a good thing and self-esteem which I propose can often be

1:19:42

questionable for example there are times when we act in ways that are Unbecoming

1:19:50

if we deny that our behavior is bad and fail to seek ways to correct it or

1:19:56

redeem ourselves by learning from what we have done wrong then we are more concerned about self-esteem

1:20:04

on the other hand if we are operating from a sense of self-love the healthier

1:20:11

thing to do would be to acknowledge our mistakes and chastise ourselves if we

1:20:17

must while Discerning that our failure at any given moment does not totally

1:20:23

Define our Worth or who we are as a person such moments are crucial to our growth

1:20:30

because loving ourselves requires the capacity to recognize that there is

1:20:36

something about us that we need to work on so there is a difference between

1:20:41

insisting that we always feel good about ourselves which is narcissistic and

1:20:48

synonymous with constantly preserving our self-esteem and insisting that we

1:20:53

regard ourselves as important or valuable which is healthy self-love

1:21:00

understanding and making this distinction is a prerequisite for mature

1:21:05

Mental Health as I wrote In The Road Less Traveled the

1:21:11

primary determinant of whether we consider ourselves valuable and important is whether our parents treated

1:21:18

us as if we were valuable and important nonetheless 18 years after the fact I

1:21:25

believe I was unduly pessimistic when I described the problem of someone who enters adulthood with a deep-seated lack

1:21:33

of self-value I had said it was close to impossible for such a person to ever learn a

1:21:40

healthy sense of worth but I now know there are at least two ways that a significant number who had

1:21:47

never learned to Value themselves when they were children can learn to do so

1:21:53

one is through the process of long-term psychotherapy in which the therapist can and often

1:22:00

does become a substitute parent of sorts and heals by persistently demonstrating

1:22:07

her or his sense of the patient's value certainly the most common response I

1:22:14

have received from my own patients at the conclusion of a lengthy and successful course of psychotherapy was

1:22:22

you know Dr Peck you treated me as if I was more important than I thought I was

1:22:31

there is a second way of learning to Value ourselves as adults sometimes God actually seems to

1:22:39

intervene directly in people's lives to give them a message of their value

1:22:46

because of the powerful nature of such an experience its beneficiaries remain

1:22:52

puzzled and awed by it although appreciative and humble they

1:22:57

often continue to ask why me years after the fact

1:23:03

because they still wonder what they had done to deserve such a blessing

1:23:08

it is indeed an experience of overwhelming Grace when one who for so

1:23:14

long has devalued himself is granted a divine revelation that he indeed does

1:23:21

matter after all unbridled narcissism is the principal

1:23:28

precursor of psychospiritual illness the healthy spiritual life consists of

1:23:35

progressively growing out of narcissism failure to grow out of it although

1:23:41

extremely common is also extremely destructive the prospect of our death and the

1:23:49

process of our dying physically can be one of the greatest if not the greatest stimulus for such Healthy Growth

1:23:57

when psychiatrists talk about injuries to Pride we call them narcissistic

1:24:03

injuries and on any scale of narcissistic injuries death is the

1:24:08

ultimate we suffer little narcissistic injuries all the time

1:24:13

a classmate calls us stupid for example we're the last to be chosen for

1:24:19

someone's volleyball team colleges turn us down employers criticize us we get

1:24:26

fired our children reject us as a result of these narcissistic

1:24:31

injuries we either become embittered or we grow but death is the big one

1:24:39

nothing threatens our narcissistic attachment to ourselves and our

1:24:44

self-conceit more than our impending obliteration

1:24:50

the smart way is to face death as early as possible in doing so we can realize something

1:24:57

really rather simple that is insofar as we can overcome our narcissism we can

1:25:04

overcome our fear of death for people who learn to do this the

1:25:10

prospect of Death Becomes a magnificent stimulus for their psychological and

1:25:15

spiritual growth since I am going to die anyway they think what's the point of preserving

1:25:22

this attachment I have to my silly old self and so they set forth on a journey

1:25:29

towards selflessness Elizabeth Cooper Ross in her Classic on

1:25:35

death and dying was the first scientific person who dared to ask people what they

1:25:41

were experiencing as they faced their physical death doing so she discerned that there are

1:25:48

five emotional stages in the process of physically dying denial anger bargaining depression and

1:25:58

finally acceptance in the first stage denial people might

1:26:04

say the lab must have gotten my tests mixed up with somebody else's it can't

1:26:09

be happening to me but denying doesn't work for very long so they get angry they get angry at the

1:26:17

doctors angry at the nurses angry at the hospital angry at their relatives angry

1:26:22

at God when anger doesn't get them anywhere then they start to bargain they say

1:26:29

maybe if I go back to church and start praying again my cancer will go away or

1:26:34

maybe if I start being nicer to my children for a change my kidneys will improve

1:26:41

and when that doesn't get results they begin to realize The Jig Is up and

1:26:46

they're really going to die at that point they become depressed

1:26:52

if they can hang in there and do what therapists call the work of depression

1:26:58

then they can emerge at the other end of their depression and enter the fifth

1:27:03

stage acceptance this is a stage of great spiritual calm

1:27:10

and tranquility and even light for many

1:27:15

I cannot emphasize how important these stages of dying are to the process of

1:27:21

unlearning and new learning they are routinely gone through not only

1:27:26

by individuals but also groups and even entire nations

1:27:32

consider for instance the behavior of the United States in Vietnam

1:27:37

when evidence first began to accumulate in 1963 and 1964 that our policies in

1:27:45

Vietnam were not working what was our nation's first reaction denial

1:27:51

nothing was really wrong all we needed was a few more special forces troops and

1:27:56

a few more million dollars then in 1966 and 1967 as evidence

1:28:03

continued to accumulate that our policies were not working and obviously

1:28:08

seriously flawed what was the government's reaction anger

1:28:13

the day of the body count began and me lie and torture

1:28:19

yet by 1969 and 1970 when the evidence was now massive that our policies were a

1:28:25

failure our next response was to attempt to bargain our way out of Vietnam

1:28:31

we selectively stopped bombing here as a carrot and started bombing there as a

1:28:37

stick ing that we could somehow bring North Vietnam to the negotiating table

1:28:43

but it continued to fail although some of us as individuals went

1:28:49

through a significant depression over Vietnam our government led the majority

1:28:54

of Americans to believe that somehow we had succeeded in bargaining our way out

1:29:00

of Vietnam this was not true we were defeated we

1:29:05

fled with over half a million men because as a nation we generally failed

1:29:12

at the time to do the work of depression involved in this tragedy there was little evidence that we learned any

1:29:18

lesson as a result only recently 25 years after the fact

1:29:24

does it look as if we may have done some portion of the work of that depression

1:29:30

and come to some modicum of humility in our international relations

1:29:37

to learn something new we often have to empty ourselves of the old

1:29:43

and we often feel as if the pain will last forever but in the cycle of Life there is always

1:29:50

opportunity for renewal hope is the foundation of the rebirthing

1:29:58

that may follow death and change so too it is that the stage of

1:30:04

depression is inevitably followed by the stage of acceptance

1:30:09

initially the stage of rebirth may be as painful as the die in fact learning new

1:30:16

ways may seem incredibly dangerous but learning is an adventure a journey

1:30:23

into the unknown it is human and smart to be afraid of

1:30:28

the unknown to be at least a tiny bit scared when embarking on an adventure

1:30:34

but it is only from Adventures that we learn much of significance

1:30:40

going into Psychotherapy is one of the greatest adventures in human growth because of its potential to bring about

1:30:47

the most significant learning many individuals in facing the truth of

1:30:53

their limitations become more spiritually aware through the humility of coming clean and getting real

1:31:02

sometimes it's hard to distinguish whether it is courage or desperation

1:31:08

the urgency that comes from hitting rock bottom that leads someone to embark on

1:31:14

the adventure of psychotherapy Rumi a 13th century Muslim Mystic said

1:31:21

organs evolve in response to necessity therefore increase your necessity

1:31:30

so I believe that the acceptance of necessity is an act of Courage itself

1:31:36

thus even with necessity or feeling desperate seems the consuming motivation

1:31:41

it still takes courage to go into therapy because it is truly going into

1:31:47

the unknown relatively few people understand what

1:31:53

courage is most people think it is the absence of fear

1:31:58

the absence of fear is not Courage the absence of fear is some kind of brain

1:32:04

damage courage is the capacity to go ahead in spite of the fear where in spite of the

1:32:11

pain when you do that you will find that overcoming that fear will not only make

1:32:17

you stronger but will be a big step forward toward maturity

1:32:39

[Music] widespread denial of this in our County

1:32:48

but there is no way in larger systems such as businesses that you can have a

1:32:53

structure of accountability without a chain of command what that chain of command will look

1:33:00

like can vary considerably but somewhere The Buck has to stop

1:33:06

because they have had unpleasant experiences with hierarchical authority systems there is a tendency on the part

1:33:13

of many people to distrust all structure they need to guard against such a

1:33:19

tendency there can be highly dysfunctional structures but structure is by no means

1:33:27

all bad most of it is good indeed over the years I have come to

1:33:33

learn that not only children but adults very much need structure

1:33:40

although people often don't realize it structures can be flexible

1:33:45

a significant part of the work at fce is to teach organizations both large and

1:33:51

small how to operate in community when operating in a community mode the

1:33:58

group does not have a rigid Authority structure Authority and leadership are

1:34:03

shared as they must be to maximize communication but we could not do this work if it

1:34:10

meant that organizations had to abandon their hierarchical Authority structure altogether

1:34:16

we can do it only because it is possible for an organization to operate in a

1:34:21

hierarchical mode while dealing with its day-to-day operations but it can switch to a community mode in

1:34:29

response to certain issues and problems like those of diversity and morale and

1:34:35

situations when group decision making is required

1:34:40

as I noted in The Road Less Traveled one of the characteristics of individual

1:34:46

mental health is what I call flexible response systems

1:34:51

this is also a characteristic of organizational health an organization that has two modes of

1:34:58

operating at its command and can use one or the other contingent upon the

1:35:04

circumstances is obviously going to be a healthier organization than one that can

1:35:10

only function in a single way wherever a structure of accountability

1:35:16

and differing roles has been established there you will find boundaries

1:35:22

every human being has to deal with boundary issues within the organization

1:35:28

of his or her marriage nuclear family extended family network of friendship

1:35:34

and employment each of us as individuals must make

1:35:39

choices day in and day out defining our boundaries within the framework of any

1:35:46

organization perhaps the easier of such choices

1:35:51

involves the degree to which you are going to respect other people's boundaries

1:35:57

these boundaries will vary from Individual to individual and culture to culture

1:36:03

psychologists for instance have discerned that within any culture there is actually a specific spatial distance

1:36:10

within which most people feel comfortable communicating with their fellows

1:36:16

in the United States that distance is relatively large and seldom do we talk

1:36:22

with the new acquaintance unless our faces are a good three feet distant from each other

1:36:28

in India on the other hand the norm may be more like one foot

1:36:34

when we speak about giving each other space however we mean something much

1:36:39

more complex than mere footage perhaps the most agonizing decisions we

1:36:46

ever have to make are when to intervene in the Affairs of our children friends

1:36:52

or as we get older in the lives of our parents

1:36:57

in my experience a greater problem than learning and awareness of another's

1:37:02

boundaries and when and how to respect that is the problem of choosing and

1:37:07

setting our own boundaries when I was still in the practice of psychotherapy it seemed to me that at

1:37:15

least half of my patients had what I came to call drawbridge problems

1:37:21

sooner or later I would say to them all of us live in a castle around the castle there is a moat and

1:37:29

over the moat there is a drawbridge which we can lower open or raise shut

1:37:34

depending upon our will the problem was that their drawbridges

1:37:39

did not work very well either they were laid open all the time so that virtually anyone and everyone

1:37:47

could amble into their personal space prowl around stay as long as they liked

1:37:52

and do whatever harm they would or else their drawbridges were raised

1:37:58

shut and stuck so that nobody or no thing could penetrate their isolated

1:38:04

solitude neither case was benign

1:38:09

it is our choice when to lower our drawbridges and when to raise them but

1:38:15

this Choice leads us into yet another complexity insofar as we may keep our draw Bridges

1:38:22

open people or issues may come into our lives and hurt us

1:38:27

not so much physically as emotionally the response of many to this dilemma is

1:38:33

to keep their physical draw Bridges somewhat open but keep their emotional drawbridges firmly closed

1:38:42

it is as if an executive has an open door policy but nobody who comes in

1:38:47

through that door ever affects him one of our ongoing problems in life is

1:38:54

to continually choose the degree to which we are going to allow ourselves to

1:38:59

be emotionally affected by issues and other people it is the Dilemma of vulnerability

1:39:07

the word vulnerability means the ability to be wounded

1:39:12

in choosing how vulnerable we are going to be as human beings it is essential

1:39:18

that we make the distinction between wounding as in being hurt and wounding

1:39:23

as in being damaged under almost all circumstances it would

1:39:30

be plain stupid to walk into a situation where you are likely to be permanently

1:39:36

damaged but it might be very smart to open yourself up to situations within limits

1:39:42

where you would be likely to experience some emotional pain such as in taking a risk to enter a

1:39:50

relationship that has the potential to lead to commitment I am not advising anyone to be totally

1:39:57

vulnerable nor to be vulnerable at all times nonetheless if you choose to be a

1:40:05

healing presence in the world it will be necessary to choose throughout your life

1:40:10

to retain the capacity to be wounded to at least some degree

1:40:16

in a justifiably famous book entitled the wounded healer Ori nowin writes that

1:40:23

if we are to be effective healers we must allow ourselves within limits to be

1:40:29

continually wounded and that indeed it is only out of our woundedness that we

1:40:35

can heal or be healed it has become very fashionable these

1:40:42

days to use the term dysfunctional for organizations whether they are

1:40:47

businesses or families indeed it is so fashionable that like

1:40:52

community and civility the word dysfunctional is rapidly descending into meaninglessness

1:40:59

when I was still giving lectures I used to ask my audiences upon occasion will

1:41:05

anyone here who was not brought up in a dysfunctional family please raise your

1:41:12

hand not a hand would be raised all organizations are dysfunctional

1:41:19

but the point is that some are more dysfunctional than others

1:41:25

we have seen that one of the sub-tenants of systems theory is that whenever you change a part of the system all the

1:41:32

other parts have to change however systems inherently resist change

1:41:39

they resist healing the plain fact of the matter is that most organizations despite the blatancy

1:41:47

of their dysfunctionality and its cost ineffectiveness would rather remain

1:41:52

dysfunctional than grow toward greater civility civility does not come naturally

1:42:00

it takes Consciousness and action to achieve incivility comes more naturally

1:42:08

and due to laziness it is simply easier to be uncivil

1:42:13

if that seems to be a pessimistic view there is still room for optimism

1:42:19

it may be derived from my statement that all organizations are dysfunctional

1:42:26

what this means for you as heads of families and businesses is that you

1:42:31

cannot do it perfectly but you do the best you can anyway

1:42:37

to be as civil as possible in these complex and demanding roles is the path

1:42:43

of smart selfishness even though it requires a great deal of psychospiritual exertion

1:42:51

and as I suggested in a world waiting to be born while incivility is easier the

1:42:57

creation of a relatively civil organization or culture is in the long

1:43:02

run more cost effective it is also the route to creating something that is more

1:43:09

healing and alive we have many choices to make as we play

1:43:16

varying roles and face many tasks responsibilities and challenges in our

1:43:22

families work lives and group affiliations but our lives become even more complex

1:43:30

when we look beyond our nuclear families and the particular organizations to

1:43:35

which we belong or have contact with on a regular basis we all belong to an even larger

1:43:43

organization that we call Society we co-exist as a collective community of

1:43:50

human beings stretching beyond the boundaries of different towns and cities

1:43:55

counties and States regions and Nations we are all citizens of the world

1:44:03

and as members of this social order we confront profound choices about what

1:44:09

citizenship means to more closely examine the complexities

1:44:15

of citizenship and to look at Society realistically inevitably we will be

1:44:21

confronted by a number of paradoxes first among them is the Paradox of Good

1:44:28

and Evil in one of his letters the Apostle Paul wrote that this Human Society was ruled

1:44:36

by principalities and Powers his phrase for the demonic

1:44:43

whether we interpret the Demonic as some external force or simply our human

1:44:48

nature and original sin the notion that the devil is the ruler of this world has

1:44:54

an enormous amount of truth to it given the prevalence of War genocide

1:45:01

poverty starvation gross inequality in the distribution of wealth racism and

1:45:08

sexism Despair and hopelessness drug abuse white-collar crime in our

1:45:14

institutions violent crime on our streets and child and spousal abuse in

1:45:20

our homes evil seems to be the order of the day

1:45:25

the word Satan originally meant adversary in Christian theology Satan is also

1:45:33

called the devil we are being adversarial when we speak of playing The Devil's Advocate

1:45:40

Satan or the devil mythologically was originally a good Angel who was cast out

1:45:47

of heaven for Disobedience and pride and became the personification of evil and

1:45:53

the adversary of man a certain amount of adversarialism is

1:45:59

good for our thinking and growth the flippant practice of playing The

1:46:05

Devil's Advocate however May hide a hint of the Sinister

1:46:10

any adversarial position which is persistently contrary and opposed to

1:46:16

human growth and directly opposite of that which is Godly contains the harsh

1:46:22

ingredients for the perpetuation of evil the word diabolic is derived from the

1:46:31

Greek diabolene meaning to throw apart fragment or compartmentalize

1:46:39

among the most diabolic aspects of the fragmentation of our Collective Consciousness are those things so common

1:46:47

that they have become institutionalized we're institutionalized evils such as

1:46:53

racism sexism ageism and homophobia exist for example we find the Dual

1:47:00

mechanisms of Oppression and dehumanization when certain segments of humanity are

1:47:08

systematically regarded as disposable or irrelevant or treated with derision dire

1:47:15

consequences for the Integrity of the entire Society are inevitable

1:47:21

often the forces of evil are more subtle than blatant

1:47:27

almost as horrific as evil itself is the denial of it

1:47:32

as I wrote about in search of stones many ride a train to work every day from

1:47:39

their Suburban Havens to downtown New York City never looking up from their

1:47:44

newspapers as they passed the most impoverished sections of Harlem

1:47:49

the slums are rendered invisible and so too are those enmeshed in them

1:47:57

on the other hand there are those who take a cynical view of the world and

1:48:02

seem to believe that evil lurks behind everything their vision is gloom and doom even in

1:48:10

the midst of innocence and beauty they look for the worst in everything never giving notice to that which is

1:48:17

positive and life-affirming when Despair and cynicism are like

1:48:22

demons to us we risk perpetuating evil as well

1:48:28

if we are to look at our society realistically we will recognize the

1:48:33

powerful influences of both good and evil forces the world is not all

1:48:40

beautiful neither is it all bad thus a most critical challenge we face

1:48:46

is developing the ability to gain and maintain a balanced perspective

1:48:54

while the prevailing judeo-christian view is that this is a good World

1:49:00

somehow contaminated by evil as a mostly middle of the road Christian my

1:49:06

preferred view is that this is a naturally evil World somehow contaminated by goodness

1:49:13

we can look at children for example and rejoice in their innocence and spontaneity

1:49:20

but the fact is they are all born Liars cheats thieves and manipulators

1:49:26

so it's hardly remarkable that many children grow up to be adult Liars cheats thieves and manipulators

1:49:34

what's harder to explain is why so many people grow up to be good and honest

1:49:40

while capable of evil human beings overall are often better than might be

1:49:46

expected in my experience with the community building workshop sponsored by fce I've

1:49:53

been immensely impressed by what I've come to call the routine heroism of

1:49:59

human beings it is also common to discover how people in tragic circumstances such as the

1:50:07

Oklahoma City bombing and other crisis situations rise to the occasion

1:50:13

there is abundant evidence of how people can be incredibly good when they are

1:50:18

pulling together there is a tendency among many whether

1:50:23

they are rich or poor to habitually believe that they are entitled to something for nothing or behave as if

1:50:31

the world owes them rather than the other way around there are numerous reasons behind this

1:50:39

seemingly pervasive attitude of entitlement in in search of stones I cite one

1:50:46

particularly American reason it is the notion put forth by the Declaration of Independence

1:50:53

we hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal

1:51:00

that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights that

1:51:07

among these are life liberty and the pursuit of happiness

1:51:12

I believe these words are paradoxically perhaps the most profound and silliest

1:51:19

words ever written they constitute a magnificent and holy

1:51:26

Vision that accurately captures the essence of The Human Condition

1:51:31

at the same time they are horribly misleading

1:51:37

we are all equal in the sight of God beyond that however we are utterly

1:51:45

unequal we have different gifts and liabilities different genes different

1:51:51

languages and cultures different values and styles of thinking different

1:51:56

personal histories different levels of competence and on and on

1:52:03

indeed Humanity might properly be labeled the unequal species

1:52:10

the false notion of our equality propels us into the pretense of pseudo-community

1:52:18

the notion that everyone is the same and when the pretense fails as it must

1:52:24

for any intimacy or authenticity we are propelled to attempt to achieve equality

1:52:30

by force the force of gentle persuasion followed by less and less gentle

1:52:36

persuasion we totally misinterpret our task

1:52:41

society's task is not to establish equality it is to develop systems that

1:52:48

deal humanely with our inequality systems that within reason celebrate and

1:52:55

encourage diversity the concept of Human Rights is Central

1:53:01

to the development of such systems and I wholeheartedly applaud the Bill of Rights as it is generally interpreted by

1:53:09

the courts I am much more dubious however about the sweeping rights claimed by the

1:53:16

Declaration of Independence the rights to life liberty and the pursuit of

1:53:21

happiness as I approach old age for instance I am

1:53:27

increasingly dubious about my right to life in certain respects

1:53:33

as an author and teacher I must question my Liberty to lie or even subtly distort

1:53:40

as a psychiatrist and theologian I'm not sure how worthy a Pursuit of Happiness

1:53:46

Is Knowing happiness to be either a side effect of some deeper pursuit or else

1:53:52

the result of self-delusion my still larger problem is with the

1:53:58

aggregate of these rights add the rights of life liberty and the

1:54:03

pursuit of happiness together and it sounds as if we have a right to peace as

1:54:09

if we are entitled to peace without having to work for it

1:54:15

the same paradoxical principles hold true for achieving that much yearned for

1:54:21

condition called inner peace although we have the right to desire it

1:54:26

we are no more entitled to Inner Peace than outer peace yet many protest with indignation when

1:54:34

life itself interrupts the happiness or Serenity they have come to see as an

1:54:40

entitlement moreover in order to possess inner peace we are frequently required to First be

1:54:48

willing to forsake it only those who constantly lie to

1:54:53

themselves without qualm can have peace of mind but if we do not want to be self-brain

1:55:01

damaged in this manner we need to remember that there is something far

1:55:06

more important than inner peace integrity

1:55:12

Integrity among other things requires the willingness to endure discomfort for

1:55:18

the sake of Truth we must be aware that there is a false

1:55:23

kind of peace of mind that derives from being out of touch with ourselves

1:55:30

true inner peace requires us to be close and intimate with every facet of

1:55:36

ourselves to be not only invested in our rights but also concerned about our

1:55:42

responsibilities which brings us to the Paradox of responsibility

1:55:48

as Citizens we are affected by a variety of issues at the local state and

1:55:54

National levels depending upon the impact of these issues on our daily lives and the lives

1:56:00

of others different roles and responsibilities may be required of us

1:56:06

some attempt to meet this challenge to make a difference by diligently voting

1:56:11

in every local and national election others choose the root of participating

1:56:17

in efforts to help those in need at a neighborhood community organization

1:56:22

still others make Financial contributions to support causes of interest and concern to them

1:56:30

but many resist taking any kind of responsibility they find it easier to look to others to

1:56:38

be the Messiahs to solve all the world's problems the Paradox is that we are responsible

1:56:46

for everything and at the same time we cannot be

1:56:51

responsible for everything the answer to this and to all paradoxes

1:56:57

is not to run with only one side of the equation but to embrace both sides of

1:57:03

the truth an unknown seamstress at a Montgomery

1:57:08

Alabama Department Store in 1955 Rosa Parks unwittingly helped change our

1:57:16

nation when her refusal to yield her bus seat to a white man triggered a boycott

1:57:22

that lasted 381 days her feet tired and her dignity

1:57:29

repeatedly tested this 42 year old black woman was arrested and subsequently

1:57:35

fired from her job her simple action and subsequent actions

1:57:40

on the parts of many others spurred a movement that led to tremendous legal

1:57:46

reform in this country not everyone can have an impact at the

1:57:52

same level as the Rosa Parks but we each can take a stand in the struggle against

1:57:58

all kinds of evil in our world indeed the battle against evil begins at

1:58:04

home we must deal with ourselves and our families first and work to create

1:58:10

healthier communication and interactions think globally act locally is a good

1:58:19

guideline to follow in most cases beyond our own rights and standing up

1:58:26

for our personhood we need sometimes to be willing to take a stand on behalf of

1:58:32

others even when there seems no direct benefit to ourselves

1:58:38

sometimes we must be willing to do so at our own risk the responsibility for Discerning when

1:58:45

to go out on a limb is a choice that each individual must make based on what

1:58:51

he or she is willing to give up for the sake of standing for something

1:58:57

there are times when we are truly in a bind about exactly where to draw lines

1:59:03

of responsibility in such cases we need to do the best we can and then simply concede the rest to

1:59:11

uncertainty we will not always know for sure whether we could have done more whether we

1:59:18

should have spoken up when we heard a racial slur or intervened when we heard

1:59:23

a neighbor verbally abusing his wife in the face of complex and overwhelming

1:59:30

social responsibilities we need to remember that if we become gripped by Despair and burnout we will not only be

1:59:38

useless to ourselves but also to others I have for years been consoled by an

1:59:45

account of a patient of mine who attended a conference at which one of the Berrigan brothers who have long been

1:59:52

involved in radical Civil Disobedience on behalf of disarmament was speaking

1:59:59

someone asked father Berrigan how he could continue over decades to do his

2:00:05

work when it seemed to have no obvious results he responded we don't even think about

2:00:13

results if we did we would be dead by now

2:00:18

the results are not our concern we just do what we think is right what we feel

2:00:25

we have to do and leave the results up to God

2:00:30

we must choose not only the level of our involvement and our responsibility as

2:00:36

Citizens but also consider the paradoxes of time and money

2:00:41

deciding when to get involved is crucial given both that we can never do

2:00:47

everything we want to do in this life and our own resources whether time

2:00:52

energy or money are limited many significant contributions are made

2:00:59

to society through the giving of time money or other resources on the strength

2:01:06

of strong principles by individuals who regard their citizenship as a

2:01:11

responsibility volunteerism is the word we use to

2:01:17

describe efforts at trying to do good in spheres Beyond personal economic

2:01:22

interests and family as soon as a person stands up for something with no expectations of reward

2:01:30

his involvement in a cause is essentially voluntary a philanthropist volunteers his money

2:01:38

a teacher May provide free after-school tutoring to children in a poor

2:01:44

neighborhood a student may assist at a homeless shelter a homemaker may make weekly visits to

2:01:52

spend quality time with lonely residents at a home for the elderly

2:01:57

just as time is important other resources also make a difference in

2:02:02

one's ability to serve Society many misconstrue activism and thus

2:02:08

rejected due to the simplistic notion that it is a call to radical poverty

2:02:15

working for the good of society need not be synonymous with a total sacrifice of

2:02:21

one's comfort some years ago I read the proceedings of

2:02:28

a conference of community activists in Nova Scotia one of the speakers who had spent many

2:02:35

years on the front lines of social action and volunteerism said the

2:02:41

greatest contribution you can make to the poor is by not becoming one of them

2:02:47

this statement may seem harsh but out of my own experience it struck me in part

2:02:53

at least as having the Ring Of Truth fce for instance has been able to do its

2:03:00

peacemaking and poverty work only because it is a financially solvent

2:03:05

non-profit organization [Music]

2:03:23

thank you part three

2:03:29

the other side of complexity

2:03:34

in the end all things point to God

2:03:40

I said at the beginning that the organization of this book evolved from a

2:03:46

single sentence a quote attributed to Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr

2:03:52

I don't give a fig for the Simplicity on this side of complexity

2:03:58

but I would die for the Simplicity on the other side

2:04:04

to Journey to the other side of complexity we are challenged to make a

2:04:09

radical shift in thought we are invited to move Way Beyond any

2:04:15

simplistic understanding in order to consider what strict scientists might

2:04:20

call the god Theory let's explore the god Theory and the

2:04:27

scientific evidence albeit most of it indirect that seems to show that all

2:04:34

things do indeed point to God scientific Geniuses including Carl Jung

2:04:42

and Albert Einstein have been among those who left the world a legacy through their Works which Advance the

2:04:49

search for meaning in life and understanding of the universe and both made personal proclamations

2:04:56

that their scientific inquiries had led them to conclude that God is indeed real

2:05:04

but despite the assured observations of divinity from some of science's

2:05:09

brightest Minds we still can't cite any scientific specific proof to support the

2:05:16

existence of God any Proclamation about the existence of

2:05:21

God brings about at least a bit of skepticism and properly so

2:05:27

because it can't be proven by traditional scientific measures

2:05:32

the result however is an attitude on the part of many scientists not only of

2:05:37

skepticism but outright rejection of anything that cannot be measured

2:05:44

but if we cannot capture or measure God neither can we fully measure and capture

2:05:51

light gravity or subatomic particles despite their obvious existence

2:05:58

indeed in exploring such phenomena as the nature of light electromagnetism

2:06:04

quantum mechanics and relativity Theory physical science has matured over the

2:06:10

past Century to the point where it is increasingly recognized that at a

2:06:15

certain level reality is utterly paradoxical

2:06:20

given the fact that God cannot be measured many simply do not believe in

2:06:27

her existence materialists and those who are highly secular require proof in the form of

2:06:35

visible evidence basically materialists live by a central

2:06:40

belief that reality is only that which the five senses can detect

2:06:46

in other words their motto is likely to be what you see is what you get

2:06:54

secularism is a more complex phenomenon perhaps it can most simply be defined by

2:07:00

comparing it with its opposite this is what the Theologian Michael Novak did so clearly when he

2:07:07

distinguished between what he called the sacred Consciousness and the secular consciousness

2:07:14

the individual with a secular Consciousness essentially thinks that he is the center of the universe

2:07:21

such people tend to be quite intelligent they know full well that they are but

2:07:26

one of six billion human beings scratching out an existence on the

2:07:31

surface of a medium-sized planet that is a small fragment of a tiny solar system

2:07:37

within a Galaxy among countless galaxies and that each of those other human

2:07:43

beings also thinks that he is the center of the universe consequently intelligent though they may

2:07:50

be people with a secular Consciousness are prone to feel a bit lost within this

2:07:57

hugeness and despite their centrality to often

2:08:02

experience a sense of meaninglessness and insignificance

2:08:08

the person with a sacred Consciousness on the other hand does not think of himself as the center of the universe

2:08:15

for him the center resides elsewhere specifically in God in the sacred

2:08:23

yet with this lack of centrality he is actually less likely to feel

2:08:28

insignificant or meaningless than the secularist is because he sees himself

2:08:34

existing in relationship with that sacred other and it is from this relationship that he

2:08:41

derives his meaning and significance sometimes people fall in between with

2:08:49

one foot planted in sacred Consciousness and the other in secular consciousness

2:08:54

moreover there are different types of secularism and religiosity

2:08:59

so part of the science of God is Not only to consider that which is

2:09:05

unexplainable to materialists but also to come to terms with the fact that

2:09:10

people are different in their relationship to God to do so it's necessary to clarify the

2:09:18

difference between spirituality and religion I have gradually come to restrict my

2:09:25

definition of religion to that which involves an organized body of beliefs with a specific Creed and membership

2:09:34

boundaries spirituality is much broader and for my

2:09:40

definition of it I refer to the words that William James in his classic work

2:09:46

the varieties of religious experience used to Define religion

2:09:51

the attempt to be in harmony with an unseen Order of Things

2:09:58

for me that covers everyone's spirituality or lack thereof

2:10:04

as a self-designated Christian I personally not only believe that there

2:10:10

is a higher power behind the visible order of things but also that it is not

2:10:16

neutral that it actively wants us to be in harmony with it

2:10:22

obviously many people are religious but not spiritual and vice versa

2:10:28

one of the most secular persons I've ever met was a Catholic nun with whom I

2:10:33

worked for a year she had been in a Convent for 25 years and had no desire to be anything but a

2:10:41

nun despite the fact that she did everything nuns do confession and service to the

2:10:48

community for example she gave virtually no thought to God in

2:10:53

her daily life others are spiritual but not religious and there are those who are a

2:10:59

combination of both as I am growing up in a primarily secular

2:11:05

environment my Spiritual Development was enabled by all the world's great

2:11:10

religions and it wasn't until age 43 that I was baptized non-denominationally as a

2:11:17

Christian with minor exceptions I believe wholeheartedly in Christian doctrine

2:11:24

on the other hand I also make use of the teachings of other great religions

2:11:31

a sequence or pattern of stages my theory on the stages of spiritual

2:11:38

growth was first outlined in The Road Less Traveled but I wasn't as clear

2:11:44

about those stages back then as I am now very briefly they are stage one which I

2:11:52

label chaotic anti-social in this most primitive stage people may

2:11:58

appear religious or secular but either way their belief system is profoundly

2:12:04

superficial they are essentially unprincipled this may be thought of as a stage of

2:12:11

lawlessness stage two which I label formal

2:12:17

institutional this is a stage of the letter of the law in which religious fundamentalists

2:12:24

meaning most religious people are to be found

2:12:29

stage three skeptic individual people in this stage are usually

2:12:36

scientific minded rational moral and humane

2:12:42

their Outlook is predominantly materialistic they tend to be not only skeptical of the spiritual but

2:12:49

disinterested in anything that cannot be proven stage four

2:12:56

the mystical communal stage in this most mature stage of religious

2:13:02

development which may be thought of as one of the spirit of the law women and

2:13:08

men are rational but do not make a fetish of rationalism they have begun to doubt their own

2:13:15

doubts they feel deeply connected to an unseen Order of Things although they cannot

2:13:22

fully Define it they are comfortable with the mystery of the sacred

2:13:29

I must caution that these stages should not be viewed simplistically

2:13:34

superficially many people might appear to be in a more advanced stage than they

2:13:39

truly are a considerable number of new agers and scientists for instance are basically

2:13:45

fundamentalists while some evangelicals are stage four Mystics

2:13:51

furthermore not only are there gradations within each stage but also

2:13:56

people who are in transition from one stage to the next and while some are developing others for

2:14:03

various reasons are deeply stuck or fixated in a particular stage

2:14:11

many of us are so weighed down with psycho-spiritual baggage that we remain

2:14:17

unaware of how religion and spiritual issues have an impact on our lives and

2:14:23

our perceptions of God's role in them this psycho-spiritual baggage is often

2:14:29

unconstructive and unnecessary some is the result of religious excesses

2:14:36

such as the Inquisition which led to an Unwritten social contract separating

2:14:42

religion and science the original relationship between religion and science was one of

2:14:48

integration and this integration had a name philosophy

2:14:54

early philosophers like Plato and Aristotle and Thomas Aquinas were men of

2:15:00

scientific bent they thought in terms of evidence and questioned premises but they were also

2:15:07

totally convinced that God was the essential reality

2:15:12

in the 16th century however things began to go sour and hit bottom when Galileo

2:15:19

was summoned before the Inquisition he was forced to recant his belief in

2:15:25

copernican theory that the planets revolve around the Sun and then was placed under house arrest for the

2:15:32

remainder of his life but soon it was the church that had to

2:15:37

recant and the result was an Unwritten social contract dividing up the

2:15:43

Territory between science religion and government

2:15:48

in the early 1700s Isaac Newton was president of the Royal Society of London

2:15:55

for improving natural knowledge according to the unwritten contract

2:16:02

natural knowledge was distinguished from Supernatural knowledge

2:16:08

natural knowledge had become the province of science Supernatural knowledge was now the

2:16:14

province of religion and according to the rules of the contract never the

2:16:19

twain should meet one effect of that separation was the emasculation of philosophy

2:16:27

since natural knowledge became the domain of scientists and Supernatural knowledge that of the theologians the

2:16:34

poor philosophers were left only with what fell through the cracks which was not much

2:16:42

for 200 years this contract worked the problem is that now it is tearing us

2:16:49

apart due to the secularization of education for example we can't even teach values

2:16:57

in our public education although Public Schools teach science there seems to be a view that religion

2:17:05

shouldn't be touched there's absolutely no reason not to teach religion it can be done much in

2:17:12

the same objective manner that science is taught with a focus on all religions

2:17:17

and their key Concepts since values are ultimately related to

2:17:23

basic religious ideas the approach to teaching values can be along the same

2:17:28

lines where there is no partiality to any particular ideas but a general

2:17:34

overview with specific Concepts and theories the effect of the unwritten contract

2:17:41

also touches my own field of psychiatry Psychiatry defining itself as scientific

2:17:49

has totally neglected the spiritual I doubt that it is possible for a

2:17:55

psychiatrist to complete his or her residency training without significant exposure to Stage Theory

2:18:02

Freud's stages of psychosexual development Piaget's stages of cognitive

2:18:09

development and Ericsson stages of maturation and their predictable crises

2:18:15

yet to my knowledge in their training psychiatrists receive absolutely no

2:18:21

exposure to the stages of Spiritual Development the truth is there is room for both

2:18:28

faith and reason and only when we are able to integrate the attributes of faith and reason into

2:18:35

our lives can we come closer to what constitutes integrity

2:18:40

I don't know who originally coined the term but a few theologians are

2:18:45

increasingly exalting the holy conjunction the holy conjunction is the word and

2:18:54

instead of an either or style of mentation we are pushing for both and

2:19:00

thinking we are not trying to get rid of reason but to promote reason Plus

2:19:08

reason and mystery reason and emotion

2:19:13

reason and intuition reason and Revelation reason and wisdom

2:19:20

reason and love the holy conjunction is the conjunction

2:19:25

of integrity I have often wondered what might lie

2:19:31

Beyond The Age of Reason I don't know but I hope it will be the

2:19:36

age of integration in that age science and religion will

2:19:42

work hand in hand and both will be more sophisticated as a result

2:19:48

before we can arrive at the age of integration however we ourselves must

2:19:53

become more sophisticated in our thinking specifically we must come to learn how

2:19:59

to think paradoxically because we will encounter Paradox when reason becomes

2:20:04

integrated with the Holy conjunction reason alone will not make sense of such

2:20:11

a teaching as whoever will save his life shall lose it and whoever shall lose his

2:20:18

life will find it

2:21:08

becoming whole involves using latent talents that can be learned or developed

2:21:15

usually only with a great deal of practice and often only with the maturity required to allow humility to

2:21:23

work on our weak sides one crucial way that we become whole is

2:21:28

by learning from others having Role Models helps prevent us from

2:21:34

having to learn everything from scratch so to speak since if we are good listeners and

2:21:39

observers we can avoid some of the pitfalls that someone else has experienced on the same path we are

2:21:46

walking but we must Choose Wisely whom we emulate because Role Models may be

2:21:52

detrimental at times in childhood one of the roots for learning for better or worse is through

2:22:00

our parents as our primary role models in adulthood we have the opportunity to

2:22:07

make a deliberate choice of Role Models including not only how to choose good

2:22:12

Role Models but even how to appropriately use negative role models to serve as examples of what not to do

2:22:21

the subject of continuing learning is a matter of great importance not only for

2:22:28

individuals but for groups in trying to unlearn Old patterns of

2:22:33

behavior and enter into new processes of learning the entire group will

2:22:38

experience some emptiness it is a phenomenon I have witnessed many

2:22:44

times for the past Dozen Years The Greatest Adventure of my professional life and

2:22:51

learning has come from working with others in the foundation for Community encouragement or fce

2:22:58

it is the mission of fce to teach the principles of community by which we mean

2:23:04

the principles of healthy communication within and between groups

2:23:09

fce teaches groups how to be healthy and whole

2:23:14

even holy when groups are healthy the individual

2:23:19

members are in an environment where they can learn more effectively and

2:23:25

efficiently about themselves and other people than any other place

2:23:32

the group itself also learns although it takes a great deal of work

2:23:38

including the work of unlearning a group can develop a consciousness of its own

2:23:45

which is wiser and greater than the sum of its individual members

2:23:51

such groups can become extraordinarily effective decision-making bodies

2:23:58

our work at fce has dovetailed with that of Peter sengi at the organizational

2:24:04

Learning Center at MIT in his book The Fifth Discipline sangi

2:24:11

coined the term learning organization which is synonymous with what we at fce

2:24:17

call sustainable community a learning organization must be a

2:24:23

community a sustainable Community will be a learning organization

2:24:29

the key issue however is this matter of continuing learning

2:24:34

it is comparatively easy for organizations to learn temporarily when

2:24:40

they are facing some kind of a crisis what is not so easy is to learn

2:24:46

continually we believe that groups can begin to

2:24:51

integrate A New Perspective about learning when it is seen more as an opportunity for individual and

2:24:58

Collective growth than simply a burden to be tolerated we have gained glimpses of how to teach

2:25:05

this but only glimpses build is a true Frontier

2:25:10

[Music]

2:25:29

part two wrestling with the complexity of

2:25:35

everyday life part of the complexity of life is that

2:25:42

at one in the same time we are individuals members of family and work

2:25:47

organizations and of society indeed it is almost arbitrary to

2:25:54

separate these categories but it is sometimes necessary to make such distinctions in order to talk about

2:26:01

anything in depth therefore as we begin to discuss some of

2:26:07

the complex choices we must make in our hearts and Minds let me Focus first upon

2:26:13

what I believe to be the most critical choice as always Consciousness precedes choice

2:26:22

without it there is no choice the single most important personal

2:26:28

choice that we can make is the choice of forever increasing consciousness

2:26:34

Consciousness however does not make choices easy to the contrary it multiplies the

2:26:41

options consider for example how we might deal with our anger

2:26:47

in the midbrain there are collections of nerve cells or centers that not only

2:26:53

govern but actually produce our powerful emotions one of these is an anger Center

2:27:02

in further along The Road Less Traveled I wrote that the anger Center in humans

2:27:07

Works in exactly the same way as it does in other creatures it is basically a territorial mechanism

2:27:14

firing off whenever any other creature impinges Upon Our territory

2:27:21

we are no different from a dog fighting another dog that wanders into its

2:27:26

territory except that for us human beings are definitions of territory or boundaries

2:27:33

are so complex and multifaceted not only do we have a geographical

2:27:40

territory and become angry when someone comes Uninvited onto our property and

2:27:45

starts picking our flowers but we also have a psychological territory and we

2:27:51

become angry whenever anyone criticizes us we also have a theological or an

2:27:58

ideological territory and we tend to become angry when anyone casts aspersions upon our belief systems even

2:28:06

when the critic is a stranger to us and speaking into a microphone thousands of

2:28:11

miles away we must learn a whole complex set of

2:28:17

ways of dealing with anger sometimes we need to think my anger is

2:28:22

silly and immature it's my fault where sometimes we should conclude this person

2:28:28

did impinge upon my territory but it was an accident and there's no reason to get

2:28:33

angry about it or well he did violate my territory a little bit but it's no big

2:28:39

deal it's not worth blowing up about but every once in a while after we think

2:28:45

about it for a couple of days we may discern that someone really did seriously violate our territory

2:28:52

then it may be necessary to go to that person and say listen I've got a real

2:28:58

bone to pick with you and sometimes it might even be necessary to get angry immediately and blast that

2:29:06

person right on the spot so there are at least five different

2:29:12

ways to respond when we're angry and we have to learn which response is

2:29:18

appropriate in any given situation this requires extraordinary

2:29:24

consciousness of what is going on both inside and outside of ourselves

2:29:30

it is no wonder that very few people learn how to deal well with their anger

2:29:35

before they are into their 30s or 40s and many never learn to do so

2:29:41

constructively to grow we must learn to discern between

2:29:47

that which is self-destructive and that which is self-constructive

2:29:52

when I was in practice after about five sessions I would no longer allow any of

2:29:59

my patients to use the word unselfish I would tell them that I was a totally

2:30:06

selfish human being who had never done anything for anyone else

2:30:11

when I watered my flowers I did not say to them oh look flowers what I'm doing

2:30:17

for you you ought to be grateful to me I was doing it because I liked pretty

2:30:22

flowers similarly when I extended myself for one

2:30:27

of my children it was because I like to have an image of myself in my mind as a

2:30:33

reasonably decent father and a reasonably honest man in order to maintain those two images

2:30:40

side by side with any Integrity every so often I had to extend myself beyond what

2:30:46

I might normally feel like doing besides I also like pretty children

2:30:54

the truth is that we rarely do anything without some gain or benefit to

2:30:59

ourselves however small or subtle selfishness isn't always a simple matter

2:31:07

what I would do was ask my patients to distinguish between the path of smart

2:31:13

selfishness and the path of stupid selfishness the path of stupid selfishness is the

2:31:20

path of trying to avoid all pain the path of smart selfishness is trying

2:31:26

to discern which pain or suffering particularly emotional suffering is

2:31:32

constructive and which is unconstructive my preferred words for constructive and

2:31:40

unconstructive suffering are respectively existential and neurotic

2:31:47

existential is that which is an inherent part of existence and cannot be

2:31:54

legitimately avoided such as the suffering involved in growing up and

2:31:59

learning to be independent the suffering involved in learning how to become interdependent

2:32:05

and even dependent again the suffering that is associated with loss and giving up the suffering of old

2:32:12

age and dying from all of these kinds of suffering we

2:32:18

have a great deal to learn neurotic suffering on the other hand is

2:32:24

that emotional suffering which is not an inherent part of existence it is unconstructive and unnecessary and

2:32:32

rather than enhancing our existence impedes it what we need to do with neurotic

2:32:39

suffering is get rid of it just as quickly as possible because it is like carrying 98 golf clubs around the course

2:32:47

and all you need is 10 or 12 to play a perfectly good game

2:32:53

a significant part of the existential suffering of life is the suffering

2:32:58

involved in constantly Discerning or choosing what we are responsible for and

2:33:05

what we are not responsible for and maintaining a healthy balance

2:33:11

character disordered person avoids that existential suffering what may not be so

2:33:17

obvious is that the neurotic also does by simply assuming that everything is

2:33:24

her responsibility she will ultimately suffer more through neurotic suffering

2:33:30

even though she does avoid the existential suffering of having to make

2:33:35

choices the kind of suffering that may be involved in saying to people no I'm

2:33:41

drawing the line discipline is the means for solving

2:33:47

life's problems all discipline is a form of submission

2:33:52

the discipline to discern what we are or are not responsible for is most crucial

2:34:00

since we must go through the existential suffering of choosing when and what to

2:34:07

submit to and what not to submit to whether it is to our own egos to love to

2:34:14

God or even to the forces of evil ultimately we have to choose whether or

2:34:21

not to submit to God and indeed even choose the kind of God that we are going

2:34:27

to submit to the term higher power was coined or at

2:34:34

least initially popularized by the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous

2:34:40

in a world waiting to be born I wrote that the term implies that there is something higher than us as individuals

2:34:48

and that it is appropriate to submit ourselves to that something higher be it

2:34:54

love light truth or God thy will not mine be done is a glorious

2:35:02

expression of desire for such submission and the key word is Will

2:35:09

God is light God is love God is truth people need not be Believers in God but

2:35:15

if they are to be healthy they must submit themselves to these attributes of

2:35:21

God submission to the light might be defined as submission to the choice of

2:35:27

Consciousness and hence sight both external sight and particularly insight

2:35:36

then there is the choice of whether to submit to love or not in The Road Less Traveled I defined love

2:35:42

as the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own or

2:35:48

another's spiritual growth this definition is an acknowledgment

2:35:54

that love is far broader than romance marriage or parenting

2:36:01

there are numerous paradoxes related to love that test the myths and common

2:36:07

thinking in our culture for instance we have all been told that

2:36:12

it is better to give than to receive I believe it would be more appropriate

2:36:19

to say that it is just as good to receive as it is to give yet many have

2:36:26

neurotic guilt over this issue and feel compelled to live up to cultural or

2:36:32

religious ideals about charity that potentially promote more bitterness and

2:36:37

friction Than Love in the true sins we have also been taught that love is

2:36:43

gentle love is kind and yet there are times when we must display what is called tough love

2:36:51

the reality is that we cannot love well if we are constantly extending ourselves

2:36:57

to others and not nurturing ourselves submission to love does not mean being a

2:37:05

doormat due to cultural indoctrination many people equate love with doing

2:37:12

they feel they have to do something simply because of their own or others expectations

2:37:19

the Paradox is that many times just doing nothing just being who you are

2:37:25

rather than constantly focusing on what you do is the more loving approach

2:37:32

along with the choice of how much and what kinds of responsibility we will

2:37:38

assume we must also face the choice of vocation to most people vocation simply means

2:37:46

what one does for a living one's occupation or career secular definition of vocation usually

2:37:54

implies only income producing activity the religious definition however is more

2:38:01

literal yet far more complex it literally means calling

2:38:08

in this sense vocation implies a relationship for if someone is called

2:38:14

something must be doing the calling I believe this something is God

2:38:21

calls us human beings whether Skeptics or Believers to certain often very

2:38:28

specific activities it is quite obvious that while one

2:38:33

person may be called to be a homemaker another may be called to be a lawyer a scientist or an advertising executive

2:38:42

there are different kinds of career callings and for many there are

2:38:47

sequential callings but what is less obvious are the spiritual and ethical issues relevant to

2:38:54

one's vocation as a scientist am I called to work on weapons development as a lawyer am I

2:39:02

called to defend someone I suspect is guilty as a gynecologist do I or do I not

2:39:08

perform abortions just as some discover that certain aspects of their vocation do not fit or

2:39:16

feel right to them others spend years even a lifetime fleeing their true

2:39:22

vocation a 40 year old sergeant major in the Army once consulted me for a mild depression

2:39:29

that he ascribed to an upcoming reassignment to Germany in two weeks time

2:39:35

he and his family were sick and tired of moving he claimed it was unusual for top ranking enlisted

2:39:43

men or officers to seek psychiatric consultation especially for such a minor

2:39:49

condition several other things were also extraordinary about this man

2:39:55

people do not get to be sergeant majors without considerable intelligence and

2:40:01

competence but my patient exuded wit and gentility as well

2:40:07

somehow I was not surprised to learn that painting was his Hobby

2:40:12

he struck me as being artistic after he told me he had been in the

2:40:17

service for 22 years I asked him since you're so fed up with moving why don't

2:40:23

you retire I wouldn't know what to do with myself he replied

2:40:28

you could paint as much as you wanted I suggested no that's just a hobby he said it's not

2:40:37

something I could make a living at I requested that he brings samples of

2:40:42

his most recent paintings to our next appointment the following week he brought two one in oil and the other

2:40:50

watercolor both were magnificent they were modern

2:40:55

imaginative even flamboyant with an extraordinarily effective use of shape

2:41:01

shade and color when I inquired he said that he did three or four paintings a year but never

2:41:08

attempted to sell any of them only gave them away to friends look I said you've got real talent I

2:41:17

know it's a competitive field but these are salable painting ought to be more than just a

2:41:22

hobby for you talents a subjective judgment he demured

2:41:28

so I'm the only one who's ever told you you have real talent no but if you keep

2:41:33

looking up in the sky your feet are bound to stumble I then told him it seemed obvious that

2:41:40

he had a problem with underachievement probably rooted either in some kind of

2:41:45

fear of failure or fear of success or both I offered to obtain for him a medical

2:41:52

release from his assignment so that he could stay on post and we could work together exploring the roots of his

2:41:59

problem but he was adamant that it was his duty to proceed to Germany

2:42:05

I advised him how to get Psychotherapy over there but I doubt he took my advice

2:42:11

I suspect his resistance to his obvious vocation was so great that he would

2:42:16

never follow the call no matter how clear or loud

2:42:22

given our free will we have a choice to refuse to heed God's calling for us

2:42:29

the fact that we have a vocation doesn't necessarily mean that we will follow it

2:42:34

conversely the fact that we want to do something or even have a talent for it

2:42:40

doesn't necessarily mean that it is what God wants us to do

2:42:47

yet another important choice we have in our individual lives is the choice of

2:42:53

how to regard the things that happen I am thinking especially of the happy

2:42:58

surprises we didn't expect it is easy to take a lot for granted in

2:43:04

this life including good luck and unexpected gifts indeed in this remarkably secular age we

2:43:13

are actually encouraged to think in terms of luck as if Good Fortune has no

2:43:19

more meaning than a roll of the dice yet there is another way to look at good

2:43:25

luck and unexpected gifts this Theory posits a superhuman Giver

2:43:30

God who likes to give gifts to human creatures because he particularly loves

2:43:36

us whether this God has anything to do with the downpours in our lives is uncertain

2:43:43

although in retrospect they often seem to have been blessings in disguise

2:43:49

as to those things that are recognizable gifts some of us see a pattern of beneficence

2:43:56

to them far greater and more constant than any pattern of misfortune

2:44:01

for this beneficent pattern of gift giving we have a name Grace

2:44:08

if something is earned it is not a true gift Grace however is unearned

2:44:16

it is for free it is gratis the words Grace Gratis and gratitude

2:44:23

flow into one another if you perceive Grace you will naturally

2:44:29

feel grateful a story told to me by a famous preacher

2:44:34

involved a Young Yankee who on a business trip had to drive through the

2:44:40

south for the first time in his life he had driven all night and was in a

2:44:45

hurry by the time he arrived in South Carolina he was really hungry and

2:44:50

stopped at a Roadside Diner he ordered a breakfast of scrambled eggs and sausage and so was taken by surprise

2:44:59

when his order came back and there was a white blob of something on the plate

2:45:05

what's that he asked the waitress why them's grits sir she replied

2:45:13

but I didn't order them he said you don't order gritsa she responded

2:45:19

they just come and that said the preacher is very much

2:45:24

like Grace is like grits you don't order it it just

2:45:30

comes in my experience the ability to

2:45:36

appreciate pleasant surprises as gifts tends to be good for one's Mental Health

2:45:43

those who perceive Grace in the world are more likely to be grateful than

2:45:48

those who don't and grateful people are more likely to be happy than ungrateful ones

2:45:56

they are also more likely to make others happy feeling given to by the world they feel

2:46:03

predisposed to give back to the world an attitude of gratitude may not

2:46:11

entirely be a matter of choice indeed it is my belief that a grateful

2:46:17

heart is itself a gift in other words the capacity to

2:46:23

appreciate gifts is a gift it is also the greatest blessing a human

2:46:29

being May possess other than a strong will but that doesn't mean that a grateful

2:46:35

heart cannot be nurtured by choice the final choice of Our Lives on this

2:46:42

Earth is whether or not we go out in style it's not a matter of whether to die but

2:46:49

how we have a lifetime to prepare but unfortunately the denial of Aging in

2:46:57

our culture goes hand in love with the denial of death as I make clear in my forthcoming book

2:47:04

denial of the Soul when I say dying in style I do not mean taking the root of

2:47:12

euthanasia euthanasia basically involves trying to

2:47:17

make something clean that is inherently messy it is in my opinion an attempt to

2:47:25

shortcut the existential and legitimate suffering of dying thereby shortcutting

2:47:31

the opportunity for Learning and growth to die gracefully I believe is to make

2:47:38

the choice to see dying as a learning opportunity and to welcome the stripping

2:47:44

away of Life as a cleansing so that the true Dignity of the Soul can shine

2:47:50

through death is the ultimate emptiness but there are other kinds of emptiness

2:47:56

that we can deliberately choose throughout life there are many varieties of emptiness

2:48:02

but the most important and the easiest to speak about without getting too mystical is the emptiness of not knowing

2:48:11

despite living in a society that appears to push a know-it-all mentality and

2:48:17

label those who don't always seem to be in the know as incompetence we still

2:48:23

have a choice to not know without feeling incompetent or guilty about it

2:48:29

in fact there are times in each of Our Lives when it is not only proper but

2:48:35

healing to give up thinking we know all the answers

2:48:40

although there is no certain formula there is a guideline to help but particularly difficult times in life

2:48:47

when we seem to have no idea what step to take next or whom to turn to

2:48:54

it is to recognize that the unconscious is always one step ahead of the

2:49:00

conscious mind the problem is we don't know whether it's a head in the right direction or

2:49:06

the wrong direction we don't always know if that's still Small Voice we hear is the voice of the

2:49:14

Holy Spirit or Satan or just our glands

2:49:19

it is therefore impossible ever to know that what we are doing is right at the

2:49:25

time since knowing is a function of consciousness however if your will is steadfastly to

2:49:33

the good and if you are willing to suffer fully when the good seems ambiguous which to me seems about 98.7

2:49:42

percent of the time then you're unconscious will always be one step

2:49:47

ahead of your conscious mind in the right direction in other words you will do the right

2:49:54

thing but you won't have the luxury of knowing it at the time you are doing it

2:50:00

indeed you will do the right thing precisely because you've been willing to

2:50:05

forgo that luxury and if this guideline seems obscure then

2:50:11

you might want to remember that almost all of the evil in this world is committed by people who are absolutely

2:50:18

certain that they know what they're doing

2:50:24

we may think that we make personal life choices as individuals

2:50:29

as if the individual more or less existed in isolation legality is that we do not so exist

2:50:39

we human beings are social creatures and virtually all of our choices are made

2:50:45

under the influence and in the context of the various organizations in which we

2:50:51

participate by organizations I do not mean simply business organizations

2:50:59

families are organizations and many of the principles that hold true for

2:51:04

families also hold true for businesses and vice versa

2:51:09

on the largest scale our whole society is an organization

2:51:15

on the smallest every single social relationship we have is an organization

2:51:22

if the decisions we make affected only ourselves we could simply do whatever we

2:51:28

want to do take responsibility for it and deal with the consequences of our

2:51:33

actions but when others are involved this brings us very clearly into the realm of ethics

2:51:40

and the matter of Civility all that is generally meant these days

2:51:46

by civility is mere superficial politeness but the fact of the matter is that

2:51:53

people have been politely stabbing each other in the back and politely hurting each other for God knows how long

2:52:00

I was helped to arrive at a more meaningful definition of Civility by an

2:52:06

Englishman of the last century Oliver Hereford who is famed for saying a

2:52:12

gentleman is someone who never hurts another person's feelings unintentionally

2:52:19

what that meant to me is that sometimes it may be necessary to hurt another person's feelings but the key element is

2:52:27

that of intention meaning to be aware of what you are doing

2:52:33

such awareness requires consciousness so in my book on the subject a world

2:52:39

waiting to be born I Define civility not as mere superficial politeness but as

2:52:46

consciously motivated organizational behavior that is ethical in submission

2:52:52

to a higher power it can be assumed that anyone who has

2:52:58

made the choice to be conscious wants to be a civil person

2:53:03

but there is a major problem here in order to be civil we must not only be

2:53:09

conscious of our own motivations but also conscious of the organization or

2:53:15

system in which we are acting civility requires organizational as well

2:53:21

as individual consciousness consequently if we aspire to ever

2:53:26

greater civility we must increasingly think in terms of systems

2:53:33

the most enjoyable part of my medical school education was the study of

2:53:38

microscopic Anatomy all external appearances to the contrary

2:53:43

our bodies are mostly water consequently when you look at thin

2:53:49

slices of our organs under a microscope you cannot see much except pallid

2:53:55

indistinguishable filaments but if you take these same slices soak

2:54:01

them for a while in selected dyes and look again suddenly you have entered a fairyland a

2:54:09

garden of delights compared to which Disneyland is downright incipit

2:54:15

no matter what our age station or even state of health at this level we are all

2:54:22

very beautiful on the inside gradually as I peered at one beautiful

2:54:29

cell after another something dawned on me each and every cell was not only a

2:54:36

system in itself but also a minuscule part of a larger even more complex

2:54:42

system the absorbing Villi cells the smooth muscle cells and the connective tissue

2:54:49

cells holding them together we're all an integrated part of an organ in this case the small intestine

2:54:57

the small intestine in turn was part of the digestive system and the digestive system was integrated

2:55:05

with other systems of the body then I realized that since each

2:55:10

individual cell was a component of an organ and each individual organ a component of a body system and each such

2:55:18

system a component of the body as a whole was it not possible that my body

2:55:24

was also part of a larger system in other words might I my individual

2:55:31

self be but a single cell of an organ of some gigantic organism

2:55:38

of course as a fledgling physician I was connected

2:55:43

directly or indirectly to countless other individual human cells to my

2:55:49

parents who paid my tuition to the older Physicians who taught me

2:55:54

to the laboratory technicians who conducted the tests I ordered to

2:55:59

hospital administrators to manufacturers who made the equipment I used to the

2:56:05

patients I used that equipment on to growers in Mississippi and California

2:56:10

Who Sold cotton to the North Carolina textile workers who made the clothes I

2:56:16

wore to ranchers in Kansas who grew the beef and farmers in New Jersey who grew

2:56:22

the lettuce I ate to the truck drivers who transported all these things to me

2:56:27

to my landlord to the barber who cut my hair and on and on

2:56:35

so it was although I had not yet even heard the term that I became a

2:56:41

Foursquare believer in systems theory the basic tenet of systems theory which

2:56:48

is actually not a theory but a fact is that everything is a system

2:56:54

our Earth is of course a part of the solar system and as we begin to reach even further

2:57:01

out into space we will probably perceive a systemic nature to the galaxies and

2:57:07

the universe itself beyond the fact that everything that exists is part of a system systems

2:57:15

theory also holds that if you change one component of the system all the other

2:57:22

parts must also change but even with a relatively Advanced

2:57:27

degree of Consciousness most of us remain remarkably unconscious of the

2:57:33

complex organizations and social systems to which we belong

2:57:39

the fact is there is no way that we can evolve into a more Civil Society until

2:57:47

ever greater numbers of us are willing to make the choice not only for personal

2:57:52

Consciousness but also to think in terms of whole systems

2:57:59

I have a friend who is one of the first American Pilots shot down and captured

2:58:05

by the North Vietnamese in the early days of his seven-year captivity he and his fellow prisoners of

2:58:13

War were systematically tortured in an extraordinary book about his

2:58:19

experiences he made it quite clear that his captors were engaging in fully

2:58:24

conscious organizational behavior they knew exactly what they were doing

2:58:30

they knew that anyone will break under enough pain and that their torture would

2:58:36

extract confessions no matter how false useful for propaganda purposes and

2:58:44

serving their organizational mission even those who were horrified by the

2:58:50

incivility of America's prosecution of the visitor torture to have been a civil

2:58:55

response or in any way Justified so civility is something more than

2:59:02

organizational behavior that is merely consciously motivated it must be ethical

2:59:08

as well in dealing with the ethical complexities that confront individuals and

2:59:15

organizations I have found the distinction between code ethics and

2:59:20

situation ethics to be helpful almost essential code ethics are derived from various

2:59:28

ethical prescriptions that have been in use throughout history the earliest known is the code of

2:59:35

hamirabbai far better known to us are the Ten Commandments

2:59:41

what such codes do is to pronounce certain acts to be bad wrong or

2:59:47

unpermissible under any circumstances for instance one of the Ten Commandments

2:59:54

States Thou shalt not kill it doesn't say thou shalt not kill

3:00:00

except in time of war or Thou shalt not kill except in self-defense

3:00:06

it says Thou shalt not kill period no ifs ands or buts

3:00:14

the basic tenet of situation ethics however is that no ethical judgment can

3:00:20

be made about any Act without consideration of the circumstances under which it occurs

3:00:26

unlike the Ten Commandments situation ethics would allow for killing in such

3:00:32

circumstances as wartime and self-defense I heartily support the movement of

3:00:39

society and of individuals in their own personal decision-making towards

3:00:45

situational ethics as a psychiatrist I am very familiar

3:00:50

with the fact that rigid code ethics often have inhumane consequences

3:00:56

but there are two caveats to be considered one is that the use of situation ethics

3:01:03

means that there are no formulas and healthy individuals have the

3:01:09

responsibility to reconsider their behavior each time the situation changes

3:01:15

ever so slightly my other caveat is that I do not want to

3:01:21

imply that code ethics are useless for instance I'm not sure we would even

3:01:27

attempt to discriminate between just and unjust wars were it not for the

3:01:34

existence of a persisting code ethic that states Thou shalt not kill

3:01:42

there are several important ways of looking at the relationship between individuals and organizations

3:01:49

one is to recognize the difference between dependence and collaboration

3:01:56

in The Road Less Traveled I noted that we all have dependency needs and

3:02:01

feelings but these do not constitute love and that to be driven by them is to fall

3:02:08

into the terrible trap of dependency it is a trap because it leaves the

3:02:14

dependent individual with a continual feeling that he cannot be whole or happy

3:02:20

without the almost constant attention of other people at the time I wrote The Road Less

3:02:27

Traveled I myself was still operating to some degree under the ethic of good old

3:02:33

American rugged individualism and as I mentioned earlier the problem

3:02:39

with the ethic of rugged individualism is that it neglects the other side of the coin

3:02:45

in the different drum written seven years later I denounced this simplistic

3:02:51

one-sided non-paradoxical and therefore fallacious ethic and in talking about Community

3:02:58

began to Champion interdependence my most dramatic examples of the virtues

3:03:06

of interdependence have come from my work in helping groups build community

3:03:11

but let me also sing its Praises in the smallest of organizations

3:03:17

marriage over the years Lily and I have come to

3:03:22

appreciate each other's very different styles as gifts and have slowly begun to

3:03:28

incorporate the other's gifts into ourselves as a consequence she and I are gradually

3:03:36

becoming more whole as individuals but this would not have been possible

3:03:41

had we not first come to terms with our individual limitations and recognize the

3:03:48

value of our interdependence the only problem with the word interdependence is that it may suggest

3:03:55

to some codependency a fashionable word this past decade

3:04:01

codependency refers to a relationship in which the partners cater to and thereby

3:04:07

encourage each other's weaknesses so it may be helpful to think of

3:04:13

interdependence in terms of another word collaboration laboring together

3:04:21

when collaboration is poor in an organization the system can look quite

3:04:27

ugly but when the collaboration is good not only is the organization efficient but

3:04:34

its system can be so beautiful to behold that it approaches a kind of mystical

3:04:40

Glory interdependence does not necessarily mean that the collaborating individuals

3:04:47

have different roles usually however it does and whenever

3:04:52

there are different roles in an organization two important factors immediately come into play

3:04:59

accountability and structure in our marriage I am able to depend upon

3:05:06

Lily for most of the home making because she not only does it but does it well

3:05:12

and she can depend upon me for the money making for the same reason

3:05:18

we play these roles well because we consider ourselves responsible for doing

3:05:24

so in other words we hold ourselves and each other accountable

3:05:31

on the negative side accountability implies that someone is subject to being

3:05:36

judged on the positive side it implies that the accountable person is trusted

3:05:43

we're Lilly to significantly fail to perform her homemaking role where she no

3:05:49

longer accountable I could no longer trust her to fulfill that role and would

3:05:55

have to step in and take over such a takeover would be natural and

3:06:00

simple if her loss of accountability was due to a temporary physical illness

3:06:05

for instance when she had a breast abscess following the birth of our third child it was the most natural thing in

3:06:13

the world for me to take over the care of that infant and our two other young children

3:06:19

had that not been a temporary condition however it would have meant a major

3:06:24

restructuring of our marriage so differing roles and accountabilities

3:06:31

imply structure within a small but not necessarily

3:06:36

simple organization like marriage the roles and structure may be relatively

3:06:42

informal but the larger and more complex the organization becomes the more it is

3:06:48

essential that the accountability structure be formalized

3:06:54

Whenever there is accountability structured into a system be it as small as a marriage or as large as a

3:07:01

corporation there is also an authority structure this doesn't mean that Authority can't

3:07:07

be shared for instance the money Lily and I save is split equally between us any

3:07:15

important decision about the children and about major Investments or expenses

3:07:20

we have always made conjointly nonetheless as individuals we each have

3:07:27

limited Authority within our own domains our marriage is in no way hierarchical

3:07:35

although there is a system of accountability neither of us is the overall boss

3:07:42

but there is no way in larger systems such as businesses that you can have a

3:07:47

structure of accountability without a chain of command what that chain of command will look

3:07:54

like can vary considerably but somewhere The Buck has to stop

3:08:00

because they have had unpleasant experiences with hierarchical authority systems there is a tendency on the part

3:08:07

of many people to distrust all structure they need to guard against such a tended

3:08:50

pet specifically we must come to learn how

3:08:56

to think paradoxically because we will encounter Paradox when reason becomes

3:09:01

integrated with the Holy conjunction reason alone will not make sense of such

3:09:07

a teaching as whoever will save his life shall lose it and whoever shall lose his

3:09:13

life will find it in my primary identity as a scientist I

3:09:21

want and like proof being as much a logical sort as a

3:09:27

mystical one I expect statistical proof whenever possible to convince me of most

3:09:33

things but I've become more and more impressed by the frequency of statistically highly

3:09:39

improbable events in their very improbability I gradually began to see the Fingerprints of God

3:09:48

on the basis of such events in my own life and in the lives of patience I know

3:09:54

that Grace is real there is a pattern to these highly

3:09:59

improbable events such that almost all seem to have a beneficial outcome

3:10:05

I had stumbled upon a synonym for Grace serendipity

3:10:11

Webster's Dictionary defines Serendipity as the gift of finding valuable or

3:10:18

agreeable things not sought for one of the reasons many people resist

3:10:24

Grace is because we are not fully aware of its presence we don't find valuable things not sought

3:10:32

for because we fail to appreciate the value of the gift when it is given to us

3:10:37

and consequently we failed to take full advantage of it I have come to believe that the

3:10:45

commonality of Grace or Serendipity indicates that these phenomena are part

3:10:50

of or manifestations of a single phenomenon a powerful force originating

3:10:57

outside of human consciousness which nurtures the spiritual growth of human

3:11:03

beings we who are properly skeptical and scientific minded may be inclined to

3:11:10

dismiss this Force since we can't touch it and have no decent way to measure it

3:11:16

yet it exists it is real I believe that the radical healing

3:11:22

influence of Grace is also manifested to us through revelation

3:11:28

whenever something happens that is beyond coincidence the chances are great that the hand of God is at work

3:11:36

but does God actually ever directly speak to us or reveal himself to us

3:11:43

the answer is yes the most common way is through her still

3:11:49

small voice my clearest recent encounter with God's

3:11:55

still Small Voice occurred in early fall 1995. after I had completed the first

3:12:01

draft of my novel in heaven as on Earth and it had been accepted for publication

3:12:08

the moment for rewriting was upon me and I had a problem in the first draft I'd used myself as

3:12:16

the main character and I was certain this needed to be changed in the second draft

3:12:22

for the rewriting I needed to improve the development of the character

3:12:28

yet I've never been very good at stepping outside of myself moreover the nature of the plot demanded

3:12:35

that the main character be a man very much like me specifically someone who

3:12:40

was an intellectual with psychiatric training and an amateur Theologian to

3:12:46

boot it was a problem indeed and I had not the faintest idea how to solve it

3:12:53

it was at this point one afternoon when I was working on something else and my

3:12:58

problem was on the back burner that I heard a still Small Voice say read the

3:13:04

book of Daniel like almost every school child I knew

3:13:09

that Daniel was a prophet who for some reason had been thrown into the lion's den and managed by God's grace to

3:13:16

survive beyond that I knew nothing I had never read the book of Daniel I had never had

3:13:23

any intention to and I had absolutely no idea why this voice should be telling me

3:13:29

to read it I shook my head and returned to dictating letters

3:13:35

the next afternoon while searching for some papers in my wife's office The Voice came back

3:13:42

read the book of Daniel it repeated this time I did not shake my head

3:13:49

somewhat experienced with the voice of the holy spirit's capacity for persistence I recognize that God might

3:13:56

be nudging me towards something although God only knew what or why

3:14:01

still I was in no hurry at noon the following day while taking

3:14:07

my daily walk The Voice came back in an even more insistent form of a question

3:14:14

Scotty when are you going to read the book of Daniel it asked

3:14:20

so as soon as I returned I pulled down one of our Bibles and read the book of

3:14:25

Daniel I learned many things but the most useful thing for me at that moment was

3:14:32

the realization that there were dramatic parallels between Daniel and myself

3:14:38

although far more courageous faithful and Noble than I he too was clearly an

3:14:44

intellectual As an interpreter of Dreams he became something of a psychiatrist and later as

3:14:52

a prophet something of a theologian so it was that my own life had evolved

3:14:58

and it quickly dawned on me that I had the solution to my problem

3:15:03

henceforth the central character of my novel would be a Daniel not Scotty

3:15:10

and both the similarities and differences between us allowed me to

3:15:15

step outside of myself in a myriad of little ways to make that character believable

3:15:22

in this case I received not a solution but the gift of a path to the solution

3:15:28

of my problem the gift made no sense to me I was unaware that it had any relation to my

3:15:36

problem it was a path I would not ordinarily have followed I did not welcome it indeed my first

3:15:44

reaction was to reject the gift because it seemed so alien to my ego

3:15:50

it's no wonder that many feel so confused about Discerning Revelations

3:15:56

the closeness between this voice and an ordinary thought calls for a note of

3:16:02

caution one would be ill-advised to go around describing all or most of his thoughts

3:16:09

to the word of God it can quickly lead to insanity

3:16:14

but there are some guidelines for discernment first it's important to take time unless

3:16:22

you are in an emergency situation to reality tests whether it might be the

3:16:27

voice of the Holy Spirit or merely your own thought and you will have that time

3:16:34

indeed if you disregard the voice at first it will almost always repeat

3:16:39

itself as did mine about Daniel secondly this voice of the Holy Spirit

3:16:46

or comforter as Jesus called it is always constructive never destructive

3:16:54

it may call upon you to do something different and that may feel slightly risky but it won't be a major risk

3:17:02

if you hear a voice telling you to kill yourself to cheat or steal or to blow

3:17:08

all your life savings on a yacht get yourself to a psychiatrist

3:17:13

on the other hand the voice will usually seem just a little bit crazy

3:17:19

this is what distinguishes it from your own thought there is a faintly alien quality to it

3:17:26

as if it came from somewhere else which it does the Holy Spirit doesn't need to speak to

3:17:34

us to tell us something we already know or to push us in ways we don't need to

3:17:40

be pushed one of the other ways God speaks to us

3:17:45

attempts to nurture us is through some of our dreams particularly those that

3:17:52

call Young labeled Big Dreams when I was in practice some of my

3:17:57

patients aware that dreams could contain answers to their problems avidly sought

3:18:02

these answers by deliberately mechanically and with considerable effort recording each and every one of

3:18:09

their dreams in complete detail but in addition to there not being enough time in therapy to analyze most

3:18:16

dreams I found that their voluminous dream material could serve to prevent work in more fruitful areas of analysis

3:18:25

such patients had to be taught to stop searching after their dreams and to let

3:18:30

their dreams come to them to let their unconscious make the choice of which dreams should enter consciousness

3:18:38

once a patient learned to make no conscious effort to clutch at dreams the

3:18:44

remembered dream material not only could decrease in quantity but also dramatically increase in quality

3:18:53

the result then could be an opportunity for the patient's dreams these gifts

3:18:58

from the unconscious now no longer sought for to elegantly facilitate the

3:19:04

healing process that was desired this is what Jung meant by a big dream

3:19:10

it is one which almost shrieks to us remember me

3:19:16

when I rode in The Road Less Traveled that the purpose of growth was for us to become more conscious and in turn evolve

3:19:24

I suggested that this evolutionary path in human life points directly to God

3:19:31

God wants us to learn and develop in this life and I believe actually

3:19:37

nurtures Us in doing so but when I went on to suggest that God

3:19:43

ultimately wants us to evolve toward becoming God like God that statement caused a great

3:19:50

deal of theological indigestion it seemed to be a potentially satanic

3:19:56

notion after all did not Satan think he could be like God or as good as God

3:20:04

I could have prevented much of this indigestion had I gone on to write about the great Paradox involved

3:20:12

the Paradox is that we ourselves cannot become like God except by bumping

3:20:19

ourselves off except through the humility of emptiness

3:20:25

there is an important word in theology for this endeavor kenosis which is defined as the process

3:20:34

of the self emptying itself of self it is the essence of the message of the

3:20:41

great spiritual Masters like Buddha and Christ throughout human history

3:20:47

we need to pair away our egos to know the truth of the Paradox whoever loses

3:20:54

his life for my sake will find it the image used in Christianity for the

3:21:01

goal of the canonic process is that of the empty vessel

3:21:06

we need to retain enough of our ego the governing part of our personality to be

3:21:13

a functioning container otherwise we would have no identity at all beyond that however the whole point of

3:21:21

spiritual growth is to get rid of our ego sufficiently in order to become empty enough to be filled with God's

3:21:28

spirit with our true soul everyone prays

3:21:35

the most die-hard secularists prey in moments of Agony or ecstasy even if they

3:21:41

are not aware of it instinctively they will cry out during orgasm

3:21:47

oh God or o Christ similarly when they are lying in bed

3:21:53

racked with the flu every bone aching they're likely to moan oh God

3:22:00

or their thoughts turned to God in moments of Terror which has led to the famous saying there are no atheists in

3:22:08

the Foxhole one of the differences between secularists and those of religious or

3:22:15

spiritual persuasion is that the latter occasionally think about God during the

3:22:21

99.5 percent of the time when we're not in agony or ecstasy

3:22:28

but what is prayer most people think of prayer as simply speaking to God

3:22:34

this definition is not all that bad as long as we realize that there are innumerable ways of speaking to God

3:22:43

hence such prayer can be divided into many types group prayer and individual

3:22:49

prayer formal and informal prayer prayers of praise and adoration and

3:22:55

gratitude prayers of repentance and forgiveness petitionary prayers for others or for

3:23:03

oneself Etc I would also like to include meditation as prayer and again there are many kinds

3:23:10

of meditation I believe the best forms are those when we deliberately quiet and empty

3:23:17

ourselves in order to be able to listen to God or for God

3:23:24

this doesn't mean that God will answer spiritual experiences are actually

3:23:30

unlikely to happen to one when praying but there is a sense many of us have

3:23:36

that an active prayer life increases the chances of having and identifying

3:23:41

spiritual experiences at other times then there is the matter of thinking and

3:23:48

its relationship to prayer thinking well can and does merge into

3:23:55

prayer although not wholly adequate my favorite definition of prayer one that doesn't

3:24:01

even mention God is that of Matthew Fox who defined it as a radical response to

3:24:09

the mysteries of life most of my time at prayer I am not so

3:24:15

much talking to God or listening to God as I am just thinking but doing so with

3:24:22

God in mind before I can respond radically to the

3:24:27

mysteries of life I have to think about them deeply as well as think about the

3:24:32

mysteries of my own life and the whole range of potential options of response

3:24:38

to them God I wonder how this looks to you

3:24:43

through your eyes I am pondering this type of prayer is often referred to

3:24:50

as contemplative prayer and usually it is wordless

3:24:56

I used to think that Faith preceded prayer and that only those with a great

3:25:01

deal of Faith would pray a great deal some years ago however I ran across an

3:25:08

ancient Christian motto so ancient that it was in Latin Lex or Randy Lex credenti which

3:25:17

translated means the rule of prayer precedes the rule of faith

3:25:23

in other words I had things reversed the deeper truth is that if one prays a

3:25:30

lot then and only then will one be likely to grow in faith

3:25:37

we also need to glance briefly at a phenomenon that could be called the

3:25:42

testing of Faith which may occur to any religious person at a time of crisis

3:25:49

usually the crisis is survived and the faith survives with it

3:25:55

but there is another type of testing that is actually more predictable and most likely to occur to highly developed

3:26:03

spiritual people for this phenomenon Saint John of the cross in the 16th century coined the

3:26:10

phrase The Dark Knight of the Soul The Dark Knight of the Soul refers to a

3:26:18

point where God seems to have become totally absent and often for a prolonged

3:26:23

period of time to the person experiencing this crisis the still Small Voice she has come to

3:26:31

distinguish his Gods seems to have faded or stopped altogether

3:26:37

might God deliberately make herself inaccessible it is conceivable when we think of how

3:26:43

appropriate it is that a mature Faith needs to be tested

3:26:49

in what return can I make republished as gifts for the journey I used the analogy

3:26:55

of a young child perhaps two years of age who will have no trouble believing

3:27:00

in mummy's presence and care when she is right there in the room with him but he will become panicked when he

3:27:08

can't see her and begin to think that she no longer exists as his faith in her is so tested over

3:27:15

several years however he will slowly come to learn that she has other concerns to tend to

3:27:22

gradually he will realize that mummy is probably just down the hall making his

3:27:27

bed that she is not truly vanished or abandoned him that she is still actively

3:27:33

loving and caring for him only in a different manner than that which he had originally counted on

3:27:41

certainly by the time they have reached the Dark Night of the Soul most of the

3:27:46

faithful remain faithful they continue to pray and praise the seemingly absent

3:27:53

God as did job by and large their motto might be that of Jesus on

3:27:59

the cross when he cried out my God my God why have you forsaken me

3:28:05

but it was still God that Jesus was calling to praying to

3:28:13

it may also help them to know that more than a few designated Saints who are not

3:28:18

Martyrs who died in bed spent their last days months or years in

3:28:24

the dark night before they moved on many of us secularists and spiritual

3:28:32

people alike questioned the existence of God most when we look at our world and

3:28:38

ask why there is so much pain and suffering and downright evil

3:28:43

why aren't things perfect it is simply not enough to answer God's

3:28:49

ways are mysterious no answer can be offered with certainty

3:28:55

but I'd like to discuss one relatively modern speculative addition to the more

3:29:01

ancient traditional view of God Theory which posits that God is omnipotent

3:29:08

I believe that God has to operate within constraints even if they are the

3:29:14

constraints that he himself created the moment God granted Us free will was

3:29:20

the moment that human evil was let loose in the world as well as human goodness

3:29:26

having once granted Us free will God is no longer omnipotent

3:29:31

he has constrained himself and no matter how much it might hurt him in most

3:29:37

respects he simply has to let us be I don't mean to imply that God is

3:29:44

totally helpless what I do mean to imply is that God is Not So omnipotent that she doesn't have

3:29:51

to operate within the constraints of this natural order of illness aging

3:29:57

death and physical Decay or within the more terrible constraints of allowing

3:30:03

human evil even on such a mass scale as the Holocaust

3:30:09

and equally important addendum to the god theory has come over the course of

3:30:14

the past 50 years to be known as process theology

3:30:19

it challenges the traditional notion of a God who is a static unchanging being

3:30:26

it suggests that like all living beings God is in process living suffering and

3:30:34

growing right alongside of us albeit just a step or two ahead of us

3:30:41

insofar as God is a Creator why shouldn't she be an experimenter every

3:30:47

bit as much as a human scientist albeit a bit more imaginative sophisticated and

3:30:54

artistic we scientists are generally comfortable with the fact that many if not most of

3:31:02

our experiments fail that is they are trials there is always room for improvement

3:31:10

might we not look upon a highly imperfect even Evil Soul as a failed

3:31:17

experiment we also know that we have as much to learn from failed experiments as from

3:31:25

successful ones they are what send us back to the drawing board and perhaps they do so for

3:31:32

God also this new concept of process theology is

3:31:38

so critically important not only because it adds a large piece to the puzzle of

3:31:44

imperfection even evil in the world but also because it implies that it is good

3:31:49

for people to be in a state of change the same holds true for our

3:31:56

organizations and Society for all life itself

3:32:01

the healthier we are the more we will be in process the more vibrant the more

3:32:08

lively we are the more we will be changing

3:32:14

God is too immense to be limited to any chapter or book or even Bible

3:32:21

yet there is one word for our Human Experience whenever we happen seemingly

3:32:27

by accident to tap into to participate consciously in that immensity

3:32:34

it is the experience of Glory and how we yearn for it

3:32:41

blindly usually falsely and more often than not destructively we seek after

3:32:48

Glory as nothing else as C.S Lewis pointed out in his great

3:32:54

sermon the weight of Glory God in his gentleness would never have

3:33:00

created us with an appetite for something unreal or utterly unobtainable

3:33:07

we hunger only because there is food we thirst because there is drink

3:33:14

so it is with Glory we yearn for it as nothing else precisely because there is a God

3:33:22

urging us on to Union with her but make no mistake real glory is an

3:33:30

attribute only of God True Glory is ours only insofar as we

3:33:37

submit ourselves to the true God but who what where is the true God

3:33:46

in denial of the soul I pointed out with many qualifications that suicide

3:33:52

including euthanasia is usually not an action of Courage but of the most

3:33:58

questionable hubris the reason for this seemingly harsh

3:34:04

assessment is that we are not our own creators and hence we do not have the moral right

3:34:11

to be our own Destroyers humankind does not have the power to

3:34:18

make the sun rise or set we can predict and respond to the weather but we do not determine what it

3:34:25

will be from day to day I do not know how to create an iris or a

3:34:31

rose I can only Steward one so it is with myself

3:34:37

presumably even more complicated than a flower I could not possibly have even imagined

3:34:44

myself into existence but to a considerable extent I can

3:34:49

choose to decently nurture or not nurture myself in other words while I cannot be my own

3:34:57

Creator I can play a role as co-creator

3:35:03

the concept of co-creatorship and its responsibility has become quite popular

3:35:09

in theology in recent years but I have not read of this responsibility being extended to its

3:35:16

ultimate the fact is that we humans are free to

3:35:22

choose our own vision of God and no choice we make can be as potent in our

3:35:28

personal lives or as agents of society so we come to a crescendo of paradox

3:35:38

on the one hand God is unquestionably our creator

3:35:43

on the other in choosing the kind of God we believe in we are in a sense creating

3:35:50

God not only for ourselves but also for others who will see God reflected in our

3:35:57

beliefs our actions and in our very spirit but bear in mind that we cannot know God

3:36:06

in the traditional scientific sense a Hasidic story passed on to me by Eric

3:36:14

frohm makes the point it is the story of a good Jewish man let

3:36:19

us call him Mordecai who prayed one day o God let me know your true name even as

3:36:27

the Angels do the Lord God heard his prayer and granted it allowing Mordecai to know his

3:36:35

true name whereupon Mordecai crept under the bed and yelped in sheer animal Terror oh God

3:36:43

let me forget your true name and the Lord God heard that prayer and

3:36:49

granted it also something of the same point was made by

3:36:54

the Apostle Paul when he said it is a terrifying thing to fall into

3:37:00

the hands of the Living God yet in the end all things point to God

3:37:09

[Music]

3:37:29

and now dear God darling Lord let me

3:37:34

speak with you do you remember that reporter

3:37:40

the one who pretended to be religious and then when I had talked for days

3:37:45

about you concluded by commenting it's clear to me Scotty that you could

3:37:51

never really communicate with your parents you must have been a very lonely child

3:37:57

I wonder if that doesn't have a lot to do with your belief in God

3:38:03

of course I knew at that point we had lost it do you mean is God my imaginary

3:38:09

companion I responded rhetorically actually I don't think I was a

3:38:16

particularly lonely child I went on all children are lonely

3:38:21

my parents were attentive and I could talk to them about things small

3:38:27

I had at least a modicum of friends more than most and more still as I got

3:38:34

older but is God my imaginary companion oh yes indeed yes

3:38:42

yet as I've been trying to tell you that's just one of a thousand reasons I

3:38:48

believe naturally it had no effect

3:38:53

but the fact is you have been beside me in this imagination for longer than I

3:38:59

can remember and it's been a great trip together hasn't it Lord

3:39:05

now I'm old I cannot be sure whether we're near the end or still merely

3:39:12

preparing to blast off but of this I'm sure there is not one

3:39:18

moment I can declare you to have been absent from me note my words

3:39:25

you created me to be precise with words I was not saying I've always felt your

3:39:32

presence or been aware of you frankly most of the time I haven't even

3:39:38

bothered to think of you you've been so good to me

3:39:45

oh there were a few bad years early on the year in the fourth grade in a new

3:39:51

school and two years later when I was 10 and couldn't understand why all my

3:39:58

classmates suddenly turned on me again how could I have understood

3:40:04

unaware you had created me a leader who without intent threatened the top dog

3:40:11

it was 30 more years before I realized what had transpired before I even

3:40:17

realized I was a leader but those were less than two years out

3:40:23

of 12. the rest were magical what can I say

3:40:29

there was an ice house behind our summer home and an orchard where the neighbor's

3:40:36

sheep grazed and in September the white clouds grazed the sky and I knew my

3:40:43

parents loved me and I knew you were behind it all like

3:40:49

the Ice House deep deep ancient

3:40:54

cool in the summer and above all providing it is a paradox at one in the same time

3:41:02

I was grateful and I took you for granted like the Ice House you were just there

3:41:10

at 13 I went to boarding school it was a place without love

3:41:17

everything was wrong they said it was right 30 months it took me to think for myself

3:41:25

I walked out not yet an adult exactly but a man who knew his soul belonged to

3:41:32

you and never again to Fashion yes those were tough years the toughest

3:41:41

they were also when I can first remember talking about you vaguely I recall arguing Your Existence

3:41:48

with my adolescent friends or was it your non-existence

3:41:54

it doesn't matter what matters is that I was thinking about you

3:42:00

15 was the last bad year since there have been bad moments

3:42:08

maybe even a few of tragedy but no bad years

3:42:13

some years it has even seemed as if you had placed me on a kind of Grand

3:42:18

Vacation I cannot imagine anything I could ever have done to deserve such kindness

3:42:27

was it at five or ten or fifteen that I first decided to speak the truth when I

3:42:35

could have gotten away with a lie I can't recall

3:42:40

certainly by college honesty had become my habit some have said my compulsion

3:42:47

I do not mean I never withhold a piece of Truth now and then only that it is

3:42:53

painful for me to love in such a way but I try not to withhold even a smidgen

3:43:01

from myself and if there is a secret to all my good fortune I suppose that is it

3:43:09

but it is not my doing it was you who planted in me the seed

3:43:15

this Burning thirst for the real besides since you know the reality of my

3:43:22

heart to what end should I seek to deceive except to isolate myself from

3:43:28

you and that is the very last thing I could ever desire

3:43:35

book I was asked to praise the one with the title intuition

3:43:41

it never mentioned you that might have been pardonable save

3:43:46

that it drew no distinction between intuition and revelation I did not feel I could bless such a book

3:43:53

that left you out but was I being Fair perhaps its author

3:43:59

was right and I was wrong perhaps you did not exist

3:44:05

so I sat down to think about it first I thought about how much of my own

3:44:11

work was predicated on you I had a large stake in you

3:44:17

could I relinquish that if it were the reality could I disavow you

3:44:23

yes then I was utterly free to contemplate your non-existence

3:44:30

I began with the usual famine and flood drought and destruction

3:44:37

poverty greed war and torture hate lying

3:44:42

and manipulation disease mental and physical and all things unfair

3:44:49

but it was of no use there was no evil I could blame on you that required you for its explanation

3:44:57

weep yes but blame you no

3:45:03

then there was human goodness as have others I could speculate on how

3:45:08

altruism may have been bred into us for its survival value oh yes I knew about sociobiology and

3:45:17

other modern Notions and while I could choose to see your hand in these matters I could also

3:45:24

choose not to the same with beauty trees and flowers

3:45:29

valleys and mountains streams rivers lakes oceans and all manner of water and

3:45:36

weather shrieked to me of your creation yet if need be I could close my ears

3:45:44

there is nothing that compels me to find your presence in Sunrise or Sunset

3:45:50

Starlight or Moonlight or all things green wondrous ever so wondrous but I cannot

3:45:58

insist upon your design it is not Beyond me to imagine a

3:46:04

wondrous accident no these big things I can deal with

3:46:11

it is the little things this business of Revelation I cannot

3:46:16

handle the occasional dream more elegant by far

3:46:21

than my capacity for construction the quiet voice one might think is that

3:46:27

of my waking brain save that when it rarely speaks it teaches me with wisdom

3:46:33

Beyond any brain and those coincidences which might be

3:46:38

merely amusing if they could be understood as such I cannot explain these little things

3:46:46

except to know that in them you have revealed yourself and I cannot explain why except that you

3:46:54

love me and that I cannot explain except that you love us all

3:47:01

none of this has been in my control never have you operated by my schedule

3:47:08

yes my dearest I talk of you as if you were my imaginary companion but only as

3:47:15

if if you really were imaginary then you would obey my imagination

3:47:22

leaping in form and time in accordance with my desire but that's not the way it works is it

3:47:30

and it is I who must strive to be obedient know my companion you keep me strange

3:47:38

company coming to me whenever however and in whatever form you desire

3:47:45

utterly unpredictable the Hindus I am told have a concept they

3:47:52

call the god of the Void if they are referring to your silence

3:47:57

when I want your voice to your apparent absence when I want your presence to

3:48:03

your unpredictability to your namelessness to the fact that you are

3:48:09

far more ephemeral than my imagination then I think I know what they mean

3:48:16

but you are not a void although you are more likely to come to me when I am empty

3:48:22

to us when we are empty you yourself are not emptiness

3:48:28

without form like us more than us you are capable of

3:48:35

emptying yourself of setting yourself aside for the sake of love

3:48:40

but you are not a void rather I should call you a god of

3:48:46

fullness I am not ready to know your true name

3:48:52

nor yet to see you face to face but mysterious though you may be you are

3:48:58

no Cipher and there are things I can tell the world with gladness about

3:49:04

exactly who you are most importantly you are a person

3:49:12

why do we have such trouble with this wishing to neuter you into some abstract

3:49:19

Force I know I did it myself I wanted to be

3:49:25

sophisticated I wanted to be sure people knew you weren't my imaginary companion

3:49:31

some mere Heavenly projection of myself as the proverbial wise old man with a

3:49:37

Long White Beard how many years was it before I could finally speak my heart to publicly

3:49:45

acknowledge your personhood I am so slow

3:49:52

you don't have a long light beard you do not even have a body as we are

3:49:58

accustomed to think of bodies but you have a personality

3:50:03

a personality definite beyond our own a personality vibrant beyond our

3:50:10

imagination and how could this be were you not a person

3:50:16

so it is of your personality I speak your uncapturable spirit

3:50:23

and my language will be that of emotion not of jeans or beards or protoplasm

3:50:30

although sometimes I suppose you are the ultimate protoplasm

3:50:36

the obvious is that you are a loving God trying to be scientific in my published

3:50:43

work I have shied away from the emotion of love and all its capacity for

3:50:49

self-deception the proof of the pudding is in the eating as my grandfather would have said

3:50:56

or handsome is as handsome does and I have insisted upon so-called

3:51:03

operational definitions of love which has been all to the good save that

3:51:10

it may have obscured the fact we cannot be loving unless we want to be

3:51:15

and that behind the wanting lies and emotion the most unsimple and demanding emotion

3:51:24

there is real love demands that we suffer that I

3:51:30

allow my beloved to break my heart piece by piece yet still carry on

3:51:37

continuing to love with a heart that is ever larger as the result

3:51:43

on the eve of his execution for plotting out of love to murder Hitler the

3:51:51

Christian martyr Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote only a suffering God will do

3:51:57

you dear God have not called me to quite such agonizing complexity

3:52:04

nonetheless you have permitted me a taste of it when I have been called to

3:52:09

intervene in the lives of others thinking of how you have intervened in

3:52:15

my own life with unfailing goodness of judgment I sense the awesome energy required and

3:52:23

I know you have brooded over me with a devotion I can barely understand

3:52:29

I can only assume you suffer so over us all

3:52:34

and I am not sure I became an adult until I began to feel sorrow for you

3:52:43

but you needless to say are a paradoxical God

3:52:48

and what amazes me even more than your continual suffering is your persistent

3:52:54

gaiety you are a playful God and one of the things I know about you

3:53:01

is your sense of humor if for no other reason then it is clear

3:53:06

you love to confound me as soon as I think I have obtained a

3:53:12

handle on your creation you instantly come along to ask but what about this

3:53:19

Scotty this defilement of my certainty is so

3:53:24

routine I have been forced to conclude you must take a certain Delight in it

3:53:31

in the face of all the Sorrows of the world I am sometimes tempted to despair

3:53:38

and this is what I find most strange about you I can feel your suffering but never have

3:53:46

I sensed in you one second of despair unlike me your Delight in your creation

3:53:54

seems constant you are to me an amazingly cheerful God

3:54:00

and I pray that someday I shall learn your secret

3:54:06

you are also a sexy god now I sense you mail now female

3:54:13

but never neuter indeed sex is one of your tricks

3:54:18

infinitely confounding yet among other things the most glorious play we humans

3:54:24

are allowed So Glorious I cannot explain the pleasure saved to positive as a gift

3:54:32

deliberately offered to give us a taste for you and your playfulness

3:54:38

I used to speak of this in a lecture it was the one where the audience was most

3:54:43

likely to weep with passion except for those who walked out Simply unable to

3:54:50

Bear your intimacy yet you are a god of restraint

3:54:55

having given us in your image free will you never dictate never threaten nor

3:55:02

punish I do not know the boundaries of your power but sometimes I wonder if you can

3:55:09

only create having long ago forever forsaken the capacity to destroy anything

3:55:17

you give us our space forcing nothing and not once have I ever been violated

3:55:24

by you you are the gentlest of beings

3:55:30

you love variety in variety you Delight

3:55:35

I sit in a meadow on a summer afternoon and from a single spot I can observe a

3:55:41

hundred different plants a dozen species of winged insects

3:55:46

and had I the vision within the soil I could watch colonies of bacteria and

3:55:52

whole societies of viruses intermingling

3:55:59

but what impresses me most is the variety

3:56:06

but what impresses me most is the variety of humans each with unique limitations each with

3:56:14

unique gifts from them you have given me so many friends all different

3:56:21

and my entire life has been spent in a web of Exchange

3:56:26

often I have not exchanged well forgive me Lord for all those I have

3:56:33

failed I thank you for my friends and most

3:56:38

especially for my best friend 37 years ago when Lily and I were wed I

3:56:46

did not know who she was Nor she me nor much about ourselves

3:56:52

nor anything about marriage at all the learning was often to be painful

3:56:57

although without it there would have been nothing somehow we made it through

3:57:03

and it would be wrong not to give ourselves any credit but tell me this utterly innocent back

3:57:10

then how did I know in my blind ignorance that Lily more different than

3:57:16

I could imagine was right for me I cannot explain it unless you were

3:57:22

invisibly at my side guiding me while I like Jacob was unaware

3:57:29

and I like Jacob must now exclaim surely God was in this place and I I did

3:57:38

not know it in the end all things point to you

3:57:45

we are old now early old we have lived so hard

3:57:51

and it is a time of waiting tending to our aching bodies as best we can for

3:57:57

whatever little you have left in store for us here like the old we look back facing

3:58:04

failures and enjoying the successes of our past we can account for the failures

3:58:11

the successes seem more mysterious again we take some credit but again we

3:58:19

know you have helped us in all we have achieved this looking back is part of detaching

3:58:27

mostly we are looking forward much as I have enjoyed this world I have

3:58:33

forever felt one part alien as if I did not quite belong here

3:58:39

a decade ago after a five-day meeting that he led Jim a most extraordinary man

3:58:46

commented Scotty I have no idea what planet we're

3:58:52

from but it seems to have been the same one a year later almost to the day walking

3:58:59

across the street in France Jim was hit by a car from behind

3:59:04

it killed him instantly my reaction was one part grief and two

3:59:10

parts Envy around that time I read a work of

3:59:15

Science Fiction its story was that of aliens Who and the guise of humans colonized Earth

3:59:23

at one point a few of their number were given the opportunity to return to their

3:59:29

original Planet I threw the book down on my bed clothes sobbing to you Lord I want to go home

3:59:38

please take me home now a decade later I do not feel so

3:59:45

frantic as it becomes ever more clear it won't be so long before I get my wish

3:59:52

I'm coming home Lord I have no desire to disparage this world

4:00:00

the older I am the more I can see how precious it is to you

4:00:05

you have said it before us for a purpose you have laid it out like a jigsaw

4:00:11

puzzle to which the box has been lost but the pieces are so colorful we

4:00:18

children cannot help but pick them up and start to play painstakingly we put one piece together

4:00:25

with another the puzzle is huge eventually it Dawns on us we will never

4:00:33

begin to have enough time to complete it this may be a moment for despair

4:00:39

tempting us to discard you you are so much larger than us

4:00:45

yet if we are alert there are other lessons to be learned

4:00:50

in fact the puzzle is so huge it is amazing that we can put one piece

4:00:56

together with another at all it seems almost Pure Luck

4:01:02

save that it happened so frequently we sense our hands and eyes have been

4:01:07

Guided by an instinct we cannot explain who has not had the experience

4:01:15

then those few pieces put together offer us tiny glimpses of the hole and it

4:01:21

looks beautiful designedly enticing finally we find in those few attached

4:01:28

fragments occasional cryptic messages once I interdigitated pieces that fit

4:01:36

into a strange sign it was in French and read

4:01:41

foreign do with this what you will

4:01:48

I myself have chosen by your grace to see it as something more than a childish

4:01:55

game and some soon day I imagine I may even

4:02:00

see the picture on the box or LED deeper into your mystery be

4:02:06

handed a jigsaw or else as a trembling Apprentice even a

4:02:12

paintbrush in the meantime thank you for letting me know that it is

4:02:19

you who are the name of the game foreign

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