4.2 out of 5 stars 52 ratings
Editorial Reviews
From Booklist
Cultural historian Yalom traces the French view of love through the literature and history of the country via the lives of significant figures, both real and imagined, especially writers and their characters. Beginning with courtly love and the quintessential lovers, Abelard and Héloïse, she demonstrates how the French concept of love developed and changed over the years while never losing the unique elements that make romance in France different from anywhere else in the world. Racine’s character, Phaedre, the love letters of Julie de Lespinasse, the person and writings of George Sand, and, of course, Cyrano de Bergerac embody the nuances of romantic gallantry, passion during the revolution, love between men, existentialism and amorousness, and twentieth-century ardor. Don’t doubt that this is a serious, scholarly work, even as Yalom lightens the tone by inserting asides that illuminate her own wry view of the world. This superbly realized and wonderfully engaging work of analytical cultural history creates a class by itself. --Danise Hoover --This text refers to the paperback edition.
Review
''Seductive and fascinating. Marilyn Yalom is the perfect companion for this delightfully candid tour de l'amour.'' --Diane Ackerman, New York Times bestselling author
''Marilyn Yalom is a charming guide on an exploration of desire, romance, sex, and passion a la française. Like a detective on a steamy case, Yalom digs through literature and life, uncovering the mysteries of l'amour. How the French Invented Love will surely seduce you.'' --Ellen Sussman, New York Times bestselling author of French Lessons
''Enchanting . . . At the heart of this delicious book is Yalom the reader, whose fascination with the French way of love and pleasure in sharing her enthusiasms is highly contagious. Readers will want to run to the library and stay there for a year, reading everything she deconstructs.'' --Publishers Weekly (starred review)
''How the French Invented Love is absolutely marvelous, so lively and learned . . . Marilyn Yalom's book is a distinguished contribution to our experience of a great literature, as well as an endearing memoir.'' --Diane Johnson, National Book Award-nominated author of Le Divorce
''Marilyn Yalom reclaims her enchantment with love stories from France. She explores the mysteries and complexities of love as they have been bequeathed by the French from centuries of their literature . . . She goes beyond the recognizable clichés to offer a comprehensive study, a rich psychological and cultural survey.'' --Pierre Saint-Amand, Brown University, author of The Pursuit of Laziness
''Marilyn Yalom combines a witty and conversational style with impressive erudition . . . [She] is no misty-eyed idealist when it comes to love, or to the French, but her personal involvement in the story is part of the charm of this highly readable book.'' -- --Susan Rubin Suleiman, Harvard University, author of Risking Who One Is --This text refers to an alternate kindle_edition edition.
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NewYorker
Briefly NotedFebruary 4, 2013 Issue
How the French Invented Love
by Marilyn Yalom (Harper)
January 27, 2013
This amiable tour through changing French attitudes toward love during the past millennium begins in the twelfth century, when—according to Yalom, a former professor of French—troubadours granted the female objects of their songs an unprecedented power and status.
Various manifestations of courtly love followed, and then a centuries-long oscillation between romanticism and cynicism, as exemplified in the first case by Rousseau and George Sand, and in the second by Molière and Flaubert.
Yalom’s account is engaging, but it lacks focus, and many of her claims are unsubstantiated. She supplements her summaries of love in French culture with lively, if hardly dispositive, anecdotes from her own encounters with France and the French: “My husband, who had never seen a ‘topless’ beach before, expressed keen appreciation for the female descendants of Proust’s delectable young women.” ♦
Published in the print edition of the February 4, 2013, issue.
==
Product details
Publisher : Harper (October 23, 2012)
Print length : 421 pages
Product details
Publisher : Harper (October 23, 2012)
Print length : 421 pages
Customer Reviews:
4.2 out of 5 stars 52 ratings
Biography
MARILYN YALOM is a former professor of French and a senior scholar at the Clayman Institute for Gender Research at Stanford University. She is the author of widely acclaimed books, such as A History of the Breast, A History of the Wife, Birth of the Chess Queen, The American Resting Place (with photographer son Reid Yalom), How the French Invented Love, and, most recently, The Social Sex: A History of Female Friendship, co-authored with Theresa Donovan Brown. She lives in Palo Alto, California, with her husband, psychiatrist and author Irvin D. Yalom.
Customer reviews
4.2 out of 5 stars
Top reviews from the United States
Terence Clarke
5.0 out of 5 stars A look at love,the French wayReviewed in the United States on August 9, 2013
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Marilyn Yalom's HOW THE FRENCH INVENTED LOVE is itself an inventive look at the long tradition of love in French life. The book begins with the famous treatises on courtly love and romance, from that of the 12th century William IX, Duke of Aquitaine through the troubadour traditions of later centuries, to the great love poems like Tristan and Iseult, and guides to lovemaking like Andreas Caopellanus's The Art of Courtly Love. From there, we learn about comic love and tragic love in the works of Moliere and Racine, the art of seduction in the works of Prevost and Rousseau, the Romantic ideals (and disasters) described by George Sand and Gustave Flaubert, and many others all the way to contemporary times. All of this epitomized by Héloise's assurances to Abelard that "Throughout my life. God knows it, it has been you, rather than God, whom I feared offending, you, rather than Him, I wanted to please." Yalom's amazing scholarship, revealed in her expressive writing, assures us of how important the French idea of love has been to the entire western world. We are still mightily influenced by it.
Terence Clarke
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Chuck
4.0 out of 5 stars Amusing readReviewed in the United States on March 11, 2013
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I had a good time reading this overview of French (and to some extent, universal) concepts of love. Yalom's survey of French literature made me want to go out and dive into a stack of the books that she uses as her sources.
There are occasional personal references that sometimes jar. And I did laugh a little at Yalom's contention that she was unable to include a certain examples because of "lack of space." What? Was there a paper shortage? Did Amazon limit the number of bits for digital copies?
Shirley A.
3.0 out of 5 stars The question remains - how/did the French ivent loveReviewed in the United States on August 16, 2013
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This book is only OK. The author drove me a little crazy with providing a reference to a story to make her point - but not completing the story -- and telling me that I would have to read the book that she referenced to understand her example. I also thought it was a book written for Americans by an American rather than providing a more global viewpoint of French culture. I suggest a book titled La Seduction: How the French Play the Game of Life by Elaine Sciolino- to better understand the French, their view point on love, etc.
5 people found this helpful
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Danny S.
4.0 out of 5 stars LovelyReviewed in the United States on March 31, 2013
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You need an open mind to read this book; it carries a variety of subjects that might go against your point of view on life. I thought it was a very delicious read, full of interesting stories. It gave me a new perspective on love, I would recommend it to anyone. I gave it four stars only because the author could have put in more information. But anyways, it is worth the time it takes reading!
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How the French Invented Love: Nine Hundred Years of Passion and Romance
by
3.67 · Rating details · 537 ratings · 93 reviews
“Absolutely marvelous…lively and learned….Marilyn Yalom’s book is a distinguished contribution to our experience of a great literature, as well as an endearing memoir.” —Diane Johnson, author of Lulu in Marrakech and Le Divorce
“[An] enchanting tour of French literature—from Abelard and Heloise in the 12th century to Marguerite Duras in the 20th and Philippe Sollers in the ...more
“[An] enchanting tour of French literature—from Abelard and Heloise in the 12th century to Marguerite Duras in the 20th and Philippe Sollers in the ...more
Paperback, 416 pages
Published October 23rd 2012 by Harper Perennial
Original Title
How the French Invented Love: Nine Hundred Years of Passion and Romance
ISBN
0062048317 (ISBN13: 9780062048318)
Edition Language
English
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So I was led astray by the title of this book How the French Invented Love--doesn't that suggest a sociological explanation of the significance of love in French culture? Now of course, love is important in every culture. But to my romantic American Francophile mind, the French seem to have cornered the market on love. Stereotype or not, it seems to me that the French, both throughout history and today, are much more devoted to the pleasures of love. I was expecting a sociological exploration of this belief. In reading this, I wanted to learn: why do we associate the French so strongly with love? is the French emphasis on love fact or fiction? how do the French treat love differently from other cultures?
Unfortunately, this book somewhat broaches these questions but not sociologically. Rather, Yalom, who writes both congenially and informatively, takes us on a sweeping adventure through French love literature. She begins with the tragic story of Abelard and Heloise, whom she names the "patron saints" of French love. From there we discuss Chrétien de Troyes' Arthurian romances and his focus on courtly love before moving to the invention of gallantry during the reign of Sun King Louis XIV. Then we investigate the Romantics' fixation/fascination on love as the absolute purpose of life and finally we explore the more modern cynicism toward love as found in Proust and Flaubert's Madame Bovary. Yalom does not limit herself to heterosexual love either--lesbian and gay relationships are well-covered. What I found most interesting about this chronological expedition through French literature was the oscillation between periods of romantic attitudes toward love followed by periods of jaded attitudes toward love. A lot of French love literature is motivated by backlash toward these ideals.
While this book left me with a long list of French love stories to seek out, I didn't get the answer to my most pressing questions: do the French actually love differently? and if they do, why? This omission was somewhat assuaged by Yalom's inclusion of several personal anecdotes on French love. She tells charming real life stories of French lovers that are so utterly French in character that I can't help but believe that l'amour à la française is not merely imagined but truly exists.
Here's a LONG list of French works focused on love that Yalom has inspired me to read as soon as possible:
The Lais of Marie de France
The Princesse de Clèves
Les Liaisons Dangereuses
Manon Lescaut
The Misanthrope
The Complete Claudine: Claudine at School; Claudine in Paris; Claudine Married; Claudine and Annie
Indiana
Madame Bovary
Cyrano De Bergerac
Remembrance of Things Past: Volume I - Swann's Way & Within a Budding Grove
The Lover
So obviously that list suggests that you probably shouldn't pick this book up if you're not looking to add even MORE books to your already towering TBR pile. The Francophile in me, however, can't wait. (less)
Unfortunately, this book somewhat broaches these questions but not sociologically. Rather, Yalom, who writes both congenially and informatively, takes us on a sweeping adventure through French love literature. She begins with the tragic story of Abelard and Heloise, whom she names the "patron saints" of French love. From there we discuss Chrétien de Troyes' Arthurian romances and his focus on courtly love before moving to the invention of gallantry during the reign of Sun King Louis XIV. Then we investigate the Romantics' fixation/fascination on love as the absolute purpose of life and finally we explore the more modern cynicism toward love as found in Proust and Flaubert's Madame Bovary. Yalom does not limit herself to heterosexual love either--lesbian and gay relationships are well-covered. What I found most interesting about this chronological expedition through French literature was the oscillation between periods of romantic attitudes toward love followed by periods of jaded attitudes toward love. A lot of French love literature is motivated by backlash toward these ideals.
While this book left me with a long list of French love stories to seek out, I didn't get the answer to my most pressing questions: do the French actually love differently? and if they do, why? This omission was somewhat assuaged by Yalom's inclusion of several personal anecdotes on French love. She tells charming real life stories of French lovers that are so utterly French in character that I can't help but believe that l'amour à la française is not merely imagined but truly exists.
Here's a LONG list of French works focused on love that Yalom has inspired me to read as soon as possible:
The Lais of Marie de France
The Princesse de Clèves
Les Liaisons Dangereuses
Manon Lescaut
The Misanthrope
The Complete Claudine: Claudine at School; Claudine in Paris; Claudine Married; Claudine and Annie
Indiana
Madame Bovary
Cyrano De Bergerac
Remembrance of Things Past: Volume I - Swann's Way & Within a Budding Grove
The Lover
So obviously that list suggests that you probably shouldn't pick this book up if you're not looking to add even MORE books to your already towering TBR pile. The Francophile in me, however, can't wait. (less)
I thoroughly enjoyed this book, having been fascinated with the French and French literature and culture since I pilfered Angelique off of Mom's bookshelf when I was too young to read it (what an American sentiment!). I then proceeded to find and buy all the books in the series, and later managed to study law in France for a summer. I believe that a number of French concepts in those books greatly influenced my life for the better. I have always sought out French classics but, of course, have not been able to read them all, despite my Literature major in college. I now have an even better understanding of the important French literary contributions (novels, letters, author histories, and even some movies) to the French ideals of love from its inception through its ups, downs and all arounds. Thanks Marilyn Yalom for listening to your literary agent and writing this important work, and for treating all the evolutions of love so passionately and thoroughly. Your epilogue was just right; I now have a new item on my bucket list, when I return to Notre Dame one day. I also will definitely read one of your favorite books: "La Princess de Cleves"and look forward to it.
(Thank you to the publisher for allowing me a preview of the book.) (less)
(Thank you to the publisher for allowing me a preview of the book.) (less)
I received a copy of this book from Harper Collins through a First Reads giveaway, thank you!
I was slightly mislead by the title How the French Invented Love and maybe even a little by the description. This book is a quick review of the major novels about love, affairs, sex, desire, and anything related that Yalom felt described the time in which they were written. With stories about their authors and her own personal stories in between, this gives us a picture of France for the last 900 years or so. While this wasn't what I was expecting, it was still a pleasant surprise!
When I read the title, I took this to mean Yalom was going to discuss how the French had influenced love through the rest of society. I didn't read much, if anything to that affect. This book was all about the history of love in France, whether that be people who were born in France or moved there to take part in their forward thinking views.
Regardless, I loved reading all the different ways in which people loved each other, particularly those chapters on love that were not familiar to me. These included the chapters on the existentialists, women's affairs, and marriage hundreds of years ago. I think one of the biggest things we can take away from this book is that love works differently for everyone. What makes one happy doesn't necessarily make another happy. What we need to accept as a society is to each his own! (less)
I was slightly mislead by the title How the French Invented Love and maybe even a little by the description. This book is a quick review of the major novels about love, affairs, sex, desire, and anything related that Yalom felt described the time in which they were written. With stories about their authors and her own personal stories in between, this gives us a picture of France for the last 900 years or so. While this wasn't what I was expecting, it was still a pleasant surprise!
When I read the title, I took this to mean Yalom was going to discuss how the French had influenced love through the rest of society. I didn't read much, if anything to that affect. This book was all about the history of love in France, whether that be people who were born in France or moved there to take part in their forward thinking views.
Regardless, I loved reading all the different ways in which people loved each other, particularly those chapters on love that were not familiar to me. These included the chapters on the existentialists, women's affairs, and marriage hundreds of years ago. I think one of the biggest things we can take away from this book is that love works differently for everyone. What makes one happy doesn't necessarily make another happy. What we need to accept as a society is to each his own! (less)
The title of this book is somewhat misleading. This is not an exploration of how the French idea of love has influenced the Western world through novels, films, theatre, poetry, philosophy and art. There is no argument at all to this effect, and the book never strays outside of France to look at the impact of all of this cultural romantic outpouring. What it is, is a history of love as portrayed via French novels, films, theatre, poetry, philosophy and art. And as such it succeeds admirably.
It's an interesting read, ranging from the troubadours of the twelfth-century up to the Strauss-Kahn controversy in 2011. It takes in Abelard and Heloise, Lancelot and Guinivere, up to Satre and Beavouir, taking in both heterosexual and homosexual love. I know very little about French literature, but I found this exploration of love via the words of Rousseau, Hugo, Proust and others quite enlightening.
What I particularly found interesting is Yalom's argument that to the French, the line dividing love and sex is a very fine one. Whereas English literature is full of chaste lovers, Yalom argues that the French would not consider love without sex as a true, all-encompassing, fulfilling love. As a result, there is a strong current of physical love running through this book alongside the concept of romantic love.
As I said, an interesting read, well-worth the time, but the title is misleading. This is not, as the title suggests, an argument as to how the French idea of love has shaped and formed how the rest of the world views and experiences love. I would have given it an extra star had it been. (less)
It's an interesting read, ranging from the troubadours of the twelfth-century up to the Strauss-Kahn controversy in 2011. It takes in Abelard and Heloise, Lancelot and Guinivere, up to Satre and Beavouir, taking in both heterosexual and homosexual love. I know very little about French literature, but I found this exploration of love via the words of Rousseau, Hugo, Proust and others quite enlightening.
What I particularly found interesting is Yalom's argument that to the French, the line dividing love and sex is a very fine one. Whereas English literature is full of chaste lovers, Yalom argues that the French would not consider love without sex as a true, all-encompassing, fulfilling love. As a result, there is a strong current of physical love running through this book alongside the concept of romantic love.
As I said, an interesting read, well-worth the time, but the title is misleading. This is not, as the title suggests, an argument as to how the French idea of love has shaped and formed how the rest of the world views and experiences love. I would have given it an extra star had it been. (less)
Mar 04, 2017Narges rated it really liked it
Interesting review of 900 years of French literature, culture and outlook towards Love
Nov 02, 2014Emily rated it liked it
As the wife of a Frenchman, I was very curious to read this book. It will be very enjoyable for history and literature lovers as Yalom traces French history and literature relating to love from the times of the troubadours up to the present day. Yalom gave a comprehensive overview of literary movements in France and I have a much better understanding of French literary history. That said however, there is not much more to this book.
While I enjoyed the book, one thing I didn't like was all the sweeping generalizations and stereotypes, although I suppose writing a book on "the French" automatically lends itself to generalizations. Anyone reading this book who doesn't personally know a French person will finish this book believing that all French spouses are unfaithful and the French live for pleasure without regard to morals. I know there is a big generational difference regarding infidelity (with the younger generation expecting marital fidelity, in contrast to Yalom's generation), but I still couldn't help feeling that my husband and his friends wouldn't agree with what the author declared French people to believe. The author also name drops a lot and I had the feeling that she included several details just to make us think she's very cultured and important. It really rubs me the wrong way when an author comes across as self-important.
That said, Yalom knows her stuff. I really learned a LOT from this book and have added many books to my to-read list. I would recommend this book to anyone who loves French literature, but probably not anyone else. (less)
While I enjoyed the book, one thing I didn't like was all the sweeping generalizations and stereotypes, although I suppose writing a book on "the French" automatically lends itself to generalizations. Anyone reading this book who doesn't personally know a French person will finish this book believing that all French spouses are unfaithful and the French live for pleasure without regard to morals. I know there is a big generational difference regarding infidelity (with the younger generation expecting marital fidelity, in contrast to Yalom's generation), but I still couldn't help feeling that my husband and his friends wouldn't agree with what the author declared French people to believe. The author also name drops a lot and I had the feeling that she included several details just to make us think she's very cultured and important. It really rubs me the wrong way when an author comes across as self-important.
That said, Yalom knows her stuff. I really learned a LOT from this book and have added many books to my to-read list. I would recommend this book to anyone who loves French literature, but probably not anyone else. (less)
Sep 17, 2012Audra (Unabridged Chick) rated it really liked it
I'm a Francophile and I love reading; I love romance and I love -- for the most part -- the dramatic tensions that come with romantic stories. Writers on reading bring me joy and I get giddy delight when anyone geeks out about great books.
This book is a breezy, accessible look at French attitudes toward love through nine hundred years of French literature. The subtitle of this book -- Nine Hundred Years of Passion and Romance -- is a little more accurate than the title, I think, although the title is nice and catchy. Yalom argues that the French and French culture swims with a cultural understanding of love, sex, lust, desire, and everything that comes with those feelings due to centuries of literary appreciation of love.
Beginning with Abelard and Héloïse, Yalom combines biography, literary analysis, and her own opinions and observations on French life to argue that the vaunted concepts of love -- and the art of the love affair -- were created and perfected by the French. Chronologically, from the Medieval era on to the 21st century, she discusses the great authors and their works with passion and admiration, interspersing her commentary with personal stories and anecdotes.
While reading, I was reminded a bit of Pamela Druckerman's Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting , which my wife has just finished and won't stopped talking about. Among the many cultural tidbits Druckerman shared was the revelation that French don't believe motherhood has to be a part of a woman's core identity. The concept of the MILF, for example, doesn't exist in France because all women are sexy, whether they're mothers or not.
Yalom echoes some of that sentiment in this book as she compares contemporary French cultural attitudes about sex and love with American attitudes. I can't say how nuanced her commentary is -- and I suspect she's referring to liberal urban centers more so than other parts of France -- but it was interesting to see more than one book echo this sentiment.
Alas, I am prudish enough that Yalom's admiration for her French friends and their affairs didn't convince me that infidelity is romantic. But I loved her delight in French literature and the authors and books she discussed. Many have said you should keep a notepad while reading as you'll want to begin a list (I have!). Those interested in women in academia might enjoy this as well as Yalom often talks about her professional experience with these writers and works as well as her emotional connection to them. (less)
This book is a breezy, accessible look at French attitudes toward love through nine hundred years of French literature. The subtitle of this book -- Nine Hundred Years of Passion and Romance -- is a little more accurate than the title, I think, although the title is nice and catchy. Yalom argues that the French and French culture swims with a cultural understanding of love, sex, lust, desire, and everything that comes with those feelings due to centuries of literary appreciation of love.
Beginning with Abelard and Héloïse, Yalom combines biography, literary analysis, and her own opinions and observations on French life to argue that the vaunted concepts of love -- and the art of the love affair -- were created and perfected by the French. Chronologically, from the Medieval era on to the 21st century, she discusses the great authors and their works with passion and admiration, interspersing her commentary with personal stories and anecdotes.
While reading, I was reminded a bit of Pamela Druckerman's Bringing Up Bebe: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting , which my wife has just finished and won't stopped talking about. Among the many cultural tidbits Druckerman shared was the revelation that French don't believe motherhood has to be a part of a woman's core identity. The concept of the MILF, for example, doesn't exist in France because all women are sexy, whether they're mothers or not.
Yalom echoes some of that sentiment in this book as she compares contemporary French cultural attitudes about sex and love with American attitudes. I can't say how nuanced her commentary is -- and I suspect she's referring to liberal urban centers more so than other parts of France -- but it was interesting to see more than one book echo this sentiment.
Alas, I am prudish enough that Yalom's admiration for her French friends and their affairs didn't convince me that infidelity is romantic. But I loved her delight in French literature and the authors and books she discussed. Many have said you should keep a notepad while reading as you'll want to begin a list (I have!). Those interested in women in academia might enjoy this as well as Yalom often talks about her professional experience with these writers and works as well as her emotional connection to them. (less)
I felt privileged to have read this - and by that, I mean that the word "privilege[d/s]" appeared a little too frequently for my tastes (according to the Search feature on my Kindle, it was a mere 15 times, but a few of those times appeared in the same small Kindle window). As this was an ARC, perhaps that's changed in the final version.
My bigger quibble was that this was not really about the French inventing love, it was how French literature influenced and/or mimicked the state of love in France, starting with the courtly love of the Middle Ages and ending with the sexual revolution as described by Catherine Millet. In other words, literary social history. Now, that's not bad, but it felt like the title and subtitle were false advertising.
As for the contents, perhaps it helps if you've read many (most) of the books discussed (as I have, some in translation, some in the original). It added to my appreciation of how the works in question revealed something about the society at that time, although often I wondered what the "real" French were thinking and doing; literacy being a privilege of the upper classes in the earlier years, would peasants really have been aware of how Cyrano's words affected Roxanne? Or how best to woo a woman? Was adultery as accepted by those in the countryside as it was those in Paris and royal (or semi-royal) circles? These are questions that the author does not address. Obviously there's more evidence and discussion about how the non-literary/average classes feel about things once we move into the 1800s, but even at the end, when the question of Dominique Strauss-Kahn comes up, it feels like there's something missing.
ARC provided by publisher. (less)
My bigger quibble was that this was not really about the French inventing love, it was how French literature influenced and/or mimicked the state of love in France, starting with the courtly love of the Middle Ages and ending with the sexual revolution as described by Catherine Millet. In other words, literary social history. Now, that's not bad, but it felt like the title and subtitle were false advertising.
As for the contents, perhaps it helps if you've read many (most) of the books discussed (as I have, some in translation, some in the original). It added to my appreciation of how the works in question revealed something about the society at that time, although often I wondered what the "real" French were thinking and doing; literacy being a privilege of the upper classes in the earlier years, would peasants really have been aware of how Cyrano's words affected Roxanne? Or how best to woo a woman? Was adultery as accepted by those in the countryside as it was those in Paris and royal (or semi-royal) circles? These are questions that the author does not address. Obviously there's more evidence and discussion about how the non-literary/average classes feel about things once we move into the 1800s, but even at the end, when the question of Dominique Strauss-Kahn comes up, it feels like there's something missing.
ARC provided by publisher. (less)
Nov 02, 2012Natalie E. Ramm rated it it was amazing
How the French Invented Love is a non-fiction book of epic proportion! Not in size but in length of time that it covers. Marilyn Yalom takes an in depth look at love in fiction and poetry over a period of 900 years, starting circa 1100 AD through the 20th century, and she even touches on the 21st century! It is amazingly informative without being pedantic or boring. Her literary examples were the kind that really stick with you and encourage you to explore texts that you normally wouldn’t (unless you were in a French Literature class). My reading list is ever growing…
Yalom is American but is extremely invested in French culture. This gives her a unique perspective that helps us understand how French literature and culture (which is so different from American) molds how the French think about love and romance (and why it’s such a different view than what Americans have). As a feminist, an academic, and a woman devoted to her husband of many years, Yalom is a kindred spirit. She can’t help but add her own views of love in the texts she chooses to present and the way she discusses them. Yalom is a romantic who worries about the present and future of romance but without being accusatory.
This book touches on heterosexual and homosexual romance through history which is fascinating! I wanted to learn more about homosexuality in a historical context, but had no idea that I would do so in such an interesting manner and so soon. This book focuses mostly on France, but does discuss the literature and laws of England at the same time. (less)
Yalom is American but is extremely invested in French culture. This gives her a unique perspective that helps us understand how French literature and culture (which is so different from American) molds how the French think about love and romance (and why it’s such a different view than what Americans have). As a feminist, an academic, and a woman devoted to her husband of many years, Yalom is a kindred spirit. She can’t help but add her own views of love in the texts she chooses to present and the way she discusses them. Yalom is a romantic who worries about the present and future of romance but without being accusatory.
This book touches on heterosexual and homosexual romance through history which is fascinating! I wanted to learn more about homosexuality in a historical context, but had no idea that I would do so in such an interesting manner and so soon. This book focuses mostly on France, but does discuss the literature and laws of England at the same time. (less)
Aug 22, 2019Vassilis Christakis rated it it was amazing
One of the best essays on the history of French romantic literature. Erudite, humane, deep, and insightful. A must for those into French lit.
Page 252 (my book) attributed to Marie de France who lived in the 12 century
“Ni vous sans moi, ni moi sans vous” – “Neither you without me, neither I without you”.
Page 155
To love excessively, wildly, madly to sacrifice and even humble oneself for love is a radical but not unrepresentative expression of French culture.
The ability to love ... a reliable measure of worth.
Page 195
Love was worth living and dying for. In novels and plays, women and men died of broken hearts, even as the authors recovered and went on to new romances.
Page 235
[Even after their defeat in 1870] the Third Republic was ready to prove to the world that it was still the home of fashion, food, art, culture, and love.
Given the subject matter how could this not be an entertaining book! We are presented by the author with a crash course in French literature – and French figures of literature – and how they espoused any type of romance. We are given the whole gamut – true love, passion, jealousy, adultery, marriage... All this, from medieval times to the present. And it would seem that the French are always ahead – although I suspect that the Spanish, Italians, and others would dispute this. There are times where I felt the author was off-track. For instance in the last chapter “Love in the Twenty-first Century”, to quote “Premarital sex, living together ...are ousting old-fashioned lifetime marriage”. Really – these behaviors were in acceptance forty years ago (starting in the 1960’s).
Interestingly she brings up the fact that a few hundred years ago it was “quietly acceptable” for aristocratic women to seek affairs outside of marriage (probably because most marriages of that era were arranged), but not acceptable to experience sexual pleasures before marriage. In our day and age it may be “more acceptable” in general for women to seek “affairs” before marriage and “less acceptable” after marriage. I will end this now and do not wish to open up a discussion on the double standards surrounding male behavior! And I do not imply any moral judgement on the use of the word “acceptable” – what adult people do in their bedrooms (or elsewhere) is their business.
I am not particularly familiar with French novelists, but this Proust fellow strikes me as tremendously tormented.
From page 267
“No other writer renders the misery of love so compellingly.”
And I always thought that existentialism and love were incompatible, but apparently not, for the author discusses the intertwined lives of Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir. And who can match Gustave Flaubert’s “Madam Bovary” for cynicism. But then came “Cyrano de Bergerac” to resurrect romanticism from the sordid gutters!
Some varied quotes from the book. Some wonderful and some less so – this is love after all, where emotions are never in neutral!
Page 109
Amour-passion – the kind of love you would hope to experience at least once in a lifetime.
Page 114
Sentiment, feeling, emotion never disappear.
Page 122
Who does not treasure the belief in a soul mate? Who does not wish to find someone to love, with the hope of being loved in return?
Page 126 from Nicolas Chamfort (1741 – 1794)
“Love, as it exists in society, is only the contact of two epidermises”
Page 126
Love engaging the heart as well as the body
Page 134 Julie de Lespinasse (1732 -1766)
Had “the good fortune of loving and being loved”
Page 140
[Julie de Lespinasse] captivated through her mind and speech.
Page 205
Neither the romantic nor the hedonist is a fully satisfying ideal.
Page 233
[Even after the cynicism of Madame Bovary] romantic love, like bulbs buried underground in the winter, was only waiting for the proper atmosphere to flower again.
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“Ni vous sans moi, ni moi sans vous” – “Neither you without me, neither I without you”.
Page 155
To love excessively, wildly, madly to sacrifice and even humble oneself for love is a radical but not unrepresentative expression of French culture.
The ability to love ... a reliable measure of worth.
Page 195
Love was worth living and dying for. In novels and plays, women and men died of broken hearts, even as the authors recovered and went on to new romances.
Page 235
[Even after their defeat in 1870] the Third Republic was ready to prove to the world that it was still the home of fashion, food, art, culture, and love.
Given the subject matter how could this not be an entertaining book! We are presented by the author with a crash course in French literature – and French figures of literature – and how they espoused any type of romance. We are given the whole gamut – true love, passion, jealousy, adultery, marriage... All this, from medieval times to the present. And it would seem that the French are always ahead – although I suspect that the Spanish, Italians, and others would dispute this. There are times where I felt the author was off-track. For instance in the last chapter “Love in the Twenty-first Century”, to quote “Premarital sex, living together ...are ousting old-fashioned lifetime marriage”. Really – these behaviors were in acceptance forty years ago (starting in the 1960’s).
Interestingly she brings up the fact that a few hundred years ago it was “quietly acceptable” for aristocratic women to seek affairs outside of marriage (probably because most marriages of that era were arranged), but not acceptable to experience sexual pleasures before marriage. In our day and age it may be “more acceptable” in general for women to seek “affairs” before marriage and “less acceptable” after marriage. I will end this now and do not wish to open up a discussion on the double standards surrounding male behavior! And I do not imply any moral judgement on the use of the word “acceptable” – what adult people do in their bedrooms (or elsewhere) is their business.
I am not particularly familiar with French novelists, but this Proust fellow strikes me as tremendously tormented.
From page 267
“No other writer renders the misery of love so compellingly.”
And I always thought that existentialism and love were incompatible, but apparently not, for the author discusses the intertwined lives of Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir. And who can match Gustave Flaubert’s “Madam Bovary” for cynicism. But then came “Cyrano de Bergerac” to resurrect romanticism from the sordid gutters!
Some varied quotes from the book. Some wonderful and some less so – this is love after all, where emotions are never in neutral!
Page 109
Amour-passion – the kind of love you would hope to experience at least once in a lifetime.
Page 114
Sentiment, feeling, emotion never disappear.
Page 122
Who does not treasure the belief in a soul mate? Who does not wish to find someone to love, with the hope of being loved in return?
Page 126 from Nicolas Chamfort (1741 – 1794)
“Love, as it exists in society, is only the contact of two epidermises”
Page 126
Love engaging the heart as well as the body
Page 134 Julie de Lespinasse (1732 -1766)
Had “the good fortune of loving and being loved”
Page 140
[Julie de Lespinasse] captivated through her mind and speech.
Page 205
Neither the romantic nor the hedonist is a fully satisfying ideal.
Page 233
[Even after the cynicism of Madame Bovary] romantic love, like bulbs buried underground in the winter, was only waiting for the proper atmosphere to flower again.
(less)
This was a really annoying book!
It starts out being just what the title says -- Yalom argues that the concept of romantic love was unknown (at least in the Western world) until the French invented it during the 13th century. Okay, fine, I don't think this is true, but I was willing to read along with it, and the first few chapters are interesting looks at medieval love stories like Abelard and Heloise set into the context of their times. It was a fun mix of things I knew & things I didn't with a good thread running through it. I wasn't sure I agreed with Yalom's conclusions, but it gave me lots of things to think about.
As the book went on, though, I started to run into issues:
1. Somewhere during the 18th century Yalom drops the historical aspects of her story in favour of straight literary appreciations. She talks about women of the Revolutionary period being "born into the bourgeois milieu" but never tells us how this milieu developed. This is the point, I think, where the book quits even trying to be a cultural history about the French idea of love & starts just being 'Books Marilyn Yalom really likes that are about people in love.'
2. Yalom seems to be a Freudian and thus gets really into men picking women to be maternal figures due to "want of satisfactory mothering" in their childhoods, about which I am extremely dubious.
3. Yalom is very judgemental of women's physical appearance, saying things like "a Parisian of the upper bourgeoisie may resemble a peasant in the Auvergne only to the extent that a thoroughbred horse looks like a plow horse." I am so horrified to find this kind of 'good breeding' language in a book written this century by a woman who calls herself a feminist that my mind just boggles. Later on she talks about how if a woman works really, really, really hard at it, "it is possible for a woman to keep her sex appeal well into her later years." This is less surprising but I still find it awful.
By the end of the book Yalom is no longer eve trying to explore the history of the concept of romantic love, but instead bemoaning the fact that nobody believes in Legendary Monogamous Love nowadays, and people do not get married expecting to be together for fifty years, and then she talks about a bunch of French movies and how many stars she would give them. I see how she was supposedly tying this into 'What do the French think about love now?' but movie reviews are not cultural history! Neither are Yalom's opinions about cosmetic surgery! Neither are her racist comments about how strange and wonderful it is that people of colour identify with French literature!
I don't think I will be reading any of her other works. (less)
It starts out being just what the title says -- Yalom argues that the concept of romantic love was unknown (at least in the Western world) until the French invented it during the 13th century. Okay, fine, I don't think this is true, but I was willing to read along with it, and the first few chapters are interesting looks at medieval love stories like Abelard and Heloise set into the context of their times. It was a fun mix of things I knew & things I didn't with a good thread running through it. I wasn't sure I agreed with Yalom's conclusions, but it gave me lots of things to think about.
As the book went on, though, I started to run into issues:
1. Somewhere during the 18th century Yalom drops the historical aspects of her story in favour of straight literary appreciations. She talks about women of the Revolutionary period being "born into the bourgeois milieu" but never tells us how this milieu developed. This is the point, I think, where the book quits even trying to be a cultural history about the French idea of love & starts just being 'Books Marilyn Yalom really likes that are about people in love.'
2. Yalom seems to be a Freudian and thus gets really into men picking women to be maternal figures due to "want of satisfactory mothering" in their childhoods, about which I am extremely dubious.
3. Yalom is very judgemental of women's physical appearance, saying things like "a Parisian of the upper bourgeoisie may resemble a peasant in the Auvergne only to the extent that a thoroughbred horse looks like a plow horse." I am so horrified to find this kind of 'good breeding' language in a book written this century by a woman who calls herself a feminist that my mind just boggles. Later on she talks about how if a woman works really, really, really hard at it, "it is possible for a woman to keep her sex appeal well into her later years." This is less surprising but I still find it awful.
By the end of the book Yalom is no longer eve trying to explore the history of the concept of romantic love, but instead bemoaning the fact that nobody believes in Legendary Monogamous Love nowadays, and people do not get married expecting to be together for fifty years, and then she talks about a bunch of French movies and how many stars she would give them. I see how she was supposedly tying this into 'What do the French think about love now?' but movie reviews are not cultural history! Neither are Yalom's opinions about cosmetic surgery! Neither are her racist comments about how strange and wonderful it is that people of colour identify with French literature!
I don't think I will be reading any of her other works. (less)
Dec 02, 2012Margaret Sankey rated it liked it
Taking as a starting point the observation that classic English novels *end* with the main characters marrying, but that French novels *start* there, Yalom, a feminist French literature scholar leads a tour of the key books and their linkage to French tolerance of personal arrangements (I usually show the photo of the Mitterand mistress and wife at his state funeral to my 20th century Europe class and they are stunned)Brits and Americans find bizarre. Does reading Dangerous Liaisons and the Princess of Cleves as standard high school literature make French people inherently sexier? I don't know, but I can't imagine American parents protesting Sarkozy's attempted removal of them from the curriculum the way French people jumped at it. Yalom finds juicy linkages between the fictional and the real--Julie de Lespinasse, Elisabeth LaBas, George Sand, Andre Gide and Colette and same-sex tolerance in Paris, Marguerite Duras and colonialism, Emma Bovary and celebrity culture, the changing view of Strauss-Kahn. And I think about my beautiful certain age mother reducing the men of the Au Printemps shoe department into dazzled sycophants. (less)
Dec 29, 2012Megan Chance rated it liked it
I was expecting a rather more scholarly treatise here, but this book is not really that. It never really enters into the conversation posed by the title--instead, Yalom looks at French literature through the centuries, summarizing the books she's chosen, talking a bit about the authors and their lives. While there is some talk of how these books reflected French culture, she doesn't really draw conclusions, nor does she talk much about how they influenced the culture, or if they did (with a few exceptions), or what made the French what they are when it comes to love, women and sex. She does make some very interesting points about French attitudes toward love and sex as compared to American attitudes, but she never explains why the French are that way. Having said that, Yalom raises some interesting questions (though I'm not sure she does so deliberately), and opens some doors in terms of providing insight into another culture. It's an easy book to read, very conversational, with many personal anecdotes, and so it should appeal to a non-scholarly audience. I wanted a bit more, but I enjoyed what was there. (less)
The surprise of this book is it's really a cross century examination of French literature. And I don't remember who said it or where i read it originally, but in France if you want to change the world, all you have to do is write a novel. Their fiction has more power than the government over it's people. And this book really made that clear just how close the culture is linked to its written words. I never thought about how much the atmosphere of romance was also linked into their books, until Yalom pointed out which books were taught in high school and earlier - A Princess of Cleves and Dangerous Liaisons. Here in the States, we read Tom Sawyer and the Scarlet Letter. Wow if that doesn't answer a ton of questions, and knock some things into perspective, I don't know what does. Good work, brave writing. REALLY brave writing. Looking forward to Marilyn's next book, which I will definitely plan on reading now. (less)
As a Francophile and avid reader of cultural history, I found this book perusing my library's ebook selection and what a treasure! It is a literary history of the French concept of love from the chivalry code that started in medieval France to the current cynical view of love in twenty-first century French culture. At first hesitant that this book would read more like a tome for a comparative literature course (the author does teach at Stanford after all), Marilyn Yalom's writing style of very approachable and easy to follow. She weaves stories of lives, books, and her own personal history, creating a wonderful look of this evolving concept of love. In fact, I loved her writing so much, I am now seeking her backlog, which also follows the history trail of some of our cultural norms.
Do pick this book up of the subject interests you even in the slightest. You may even get some good recommendations on French romans by reading it! (less)
Do pick this book up of the subject interests you even in the slightest. You may even get some good recommendations on French romans by reading it! (less)
Mar 22, 2013Diana rated it did not like it
Stopped reading this book when I wasn't even halfway done because of the multitude of annoying sidebar statements about her personal opinions or life anecdotes, many of them barely relevant to the topic or surprisingly sexist. Here's where I had to stop: "I've heard enough personal stories in my life to know that some people, mostly men, get their sexual highs by manipulating, abusing, or beating up on women." This was the second or third blatantly sexist statement based on "personal stories" in a book written by a literary scholar. I just can't take a researcher seriously when this is what is considered credible data. The author's blatant sexism being magically reinforced by her buddies is neither scientific nor credible in those terms, and it devalues the book as a whole. (less)
