OPINION
OP-DOCS
Have You Considered the Benefits of Crying?
A teacher travels across Japan to encourage adults to cry more.
0:00/10:53
TRANSCRIPT
Tears Teacher
A teacher travels across Japan to encourage adults to cry more.
Have you cried recently? When was the last time you cried? Do you mind telling me? You don’t remember. You haven’t cried in a while. I see. Yes, yes. The Ladder Café is open. Let’s go. Until I started this job, I wasn’t able to cry. But crying therapy has changed my body. It’s more emotional now. I don’t catch colds anymore. Crying has boosted my immune system. Good morning. Nice to meet you. When I was talking to people, I used to hide a little. But getting used to crying has helped me express my opinion more, be more myself. I’m Nakajima... I’m Yoshida, nice to meet you. [omit] Are you by yourself? Yes. There’s a camera today, they are doing a documentary about me. [writes: ‘Crying therapy’] Today, I am going to introduce you to crying therapy. Crying therapy is making yourself cry on purpose, 2-3 times a month, to detox your heart. So let me ask you: have you cried recently? Try to remember. Who cried yesterday? Last week? How about last month. No one! Last year? Japanese society doesn’t approve of tears. Men shouldn’t cry. You shouldn’t cry in public. Holding back tears is considered a virtue. But we now understand that crying is good for the body. People who weren’t crying want to try, and they ask me to teach them to improve their health. I play a variety of videos: about families, animals, sports… It could be an athlete winning a gold medal. For me, I like videos about grandmothers. Just seeing a grandmother makes me well up. It’s my weak spot. It hits home. It can be anything. That you are tired, or whatever stresses you out. Just write it down. Now put your complaints in this weeping box. My grandpa passed away three years ago. Whenever I was going through a rough patch, he’d always look out for me. Thank you for having my back. I want to make this cafe a crying cafe. It would be open all day and all night. Having been a tears teacher for 5 years, I’ve realised that there’s many people who want to cry. They come to me asking for a place to weep. I’m thinking of making a special Tears cocktail for the cafe, something blue. Above all, I want to make men in their 40s cry. I am myself 43, and I feel like men my age are really suffering. At work, they’re under pressure from older and younger colleagues, and stress builds up. My friend actually died from overwork. He kept saying how stressful his job was. I hadn’t started crying therapy yet, but I can’t help but think that if I’d given him time and space to cry, he would maybe still be alive. My dad? Yeah, he’s seen me at work. I needed a helping hand and asked him to attend a workshop. I was embarrassed, but he did say he was proud of my work. I looked at him after the workshop, but he turned away. He was crying. I think he was ashamed of crying in front of his son. Those are fake glasses. Do I look different? I don’t look like a weirdo? What’s different? I don’t know. But when I wear these, my state of mind changes. I need a different mindset to go outside and teach. I put on my public persona. I don’t have children. But if I ever do, I would teach them how meaningful crying is. You grow emotionally when you cry. In Japan, we say “a child who cries grows up healthy”. I think that when you cry, you learn about yourself. It’s important for people to stay vulnerable to live a fulfilling a life. When I have kids, I’ll teach them to cry regularly. Maybe we’ll watch movies together. That’d be nice.
10:53
Tears Teacher
A teacher travels across Japan to encourage adults to cry more.CreditCredit...Noemie Nakai
Video by Noemie Nakai
Ms. Nakai is a filmmaker.
This film is part of a special Op-Docs series of short documentaries from the 2021 Sundance Film Festival.
It’s safe to say we all have more to cry about this year. Gone, for the most part, are the days when shedding tears around other people was derided as inappropriate or embarrassing: Even leaders are crying in public. And that’s OK: Crying can be really, really good for you.
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Reader PicksAll
KIMO commented July 28, 2020
K
KIMO
N NM
July 28, 2020
The day that President Obama gave the press briefing regarding the Sandy Hook school shooting, he couldn't hold back tears. He wiped at his eyes several times. Seeing a leader express authentic emotions in responding to those horrible acts by the shooter is what leadership is.
Many of us were crying too. Displaying and sharing in our grief is leadership.
I was gad to see a world leader respond with tears because it is an appropriate response.
Tears are a healthy response and should not be held back.
3 Replies126 RecommendShareFlag
Barb Davis commented July 28, 2020
B
Barb Davis
NoVA
July 28, 2020
July 23rd is my crying day. It marks the day my young son died from a horrendous freak accident. Twenty five years later my grandson was born on that very date. I go to what my son termed the kissing tree where I would kiss him goodbye before he walked the rest of the way to school every day. I touch the tree and empty my heart of all the joy and pain that has collected during the year.
4 Replies103 RecommendShareFlag
Chauncey Gardner commented July 28, 2020
C
Chauncey Gardner
The Great Flyover
July 28, 2020
I served my country in Vietnam. A stupid war and I didn’t want to go, but I did. I figured I owed somebody something for the good life I had been given. I, and some of my veteran buddies, stayed up the night Trump was declared the winner. Couldn’t believe it. It took a while to sober up but I knew that we were in trouble. So, now, I look at the condition my country is in and, it breaks my heart to say, this isn’t my country anymore and it hasn’t been for a long time. I live here because I refuse to go someplace else. Trump will not run me off. I’ll vote for Biden on November 3rd. But, I have no reason to believe that anything will be different on November 4. What the hell is wrong with us?
69 RecommendShareFlag
Ceeside commented July 28, 2020
C
Ceeside
Eastern Shore of Virginia
July 28, 2020
I have shed more tears over the last 5 months than ever before in a continuous manner. I don't weep over my misfortunes (as a small business owner I am fortunate to barely survive). I weep for those less fortunate who are striving to keep their heads above the rapidly rising waters of economic disaster.
Personally, I don't know the answer to all this turbulence except vote your conscience November 3 and show your love for the United States of America and the Constitution.
58 RecommendShareFlag
Justin commented July 28, 2020
J
Justin
the Moon
July 28, 2020
I don't like crying in public but when I came back from Afghanistan sometimes the tears would come late at night. It eased some of the pain and helped make the transition from war to peace easier. Want to bring tears to my eyes...then play "The Green Fields of France" from the Dropkick Murphys (there may be other versions but the Murphys do it amazingly). A beautiful song.
44 RecommendShareFlag
Frantzie Couch commented July 28, 2020
F
Frantzie Couch
Oklahoma
July 28, 2020
My daughter texted me a story recently, which I see as related, however tangentially, to this movement in Japan. She wrote: Theme parks in Japan have banned screaming on roller coasters, because it spreads coronavirus, The Wall Street Journal reports, and advised riders, "Please scream inside your heart." My daughter added: What a perfect summation of how I'm moving through this whiplash world: I'm screaming in my heart." That's what you and a lot of us are doing: screaming in our hearts. So, scream on. And cry if you feel like it!!!
43 RecommendShareFlag
TM commented July 28, 2020
T
TM
Boston
July 28, 2020
During this era of instability, disorientation and suffering, crying is particularly important. I once read a study that suggested the composition of tears of joy was different from the composition of tears of sorrow. I can believe that.
I have cried at the dedication of the front-line workers, the sorrow of the families of victims of Covid 19, the fear in the eyes of the virus's victims, the inability of POTUS to experience or express one bit of grief, the selflessness of humans, as well as their hard-hardedness.
An image of the Tetons on TV the other night reduced me to tears.
It takes courage to cry, to openly acknowledge suffering, that of yourself and others. It gives you courage to go on and to take whatever action you can to help.
As someone once said, it is the most profound form of prayer.
41 RecommendShareFlag
Ben commented July 29, 2020
B
Ben
Berkeley, CA
July 29, 2020
Sometimes, to avoid crying -- or even experiencing sadness -- a person will get angry instead. This is truly unfortunate, and has caused a great deal of suffering in the world.
38 RecommendShareFlag
Beatrice Pinch commented July 28, 2020
B
Beatrice Pinch
Los Angeles, California
July 28, 2020
I was only now weeping my eyes out for my country, as I watched Bill Barr (who I long to see dis-Barred) bully his way through testimony to the House of Representatives. These are sad times.
36 RecommendShareFlag
alyaly commented July 29, 2020
A
alyaly
Ft. Collins, CO
July 29, 2020
When we moved my mother at age 83 out of her home of 23 years into a continuing care retirement facility, she was crying often each day. I was certain that she was probably clinically depressed and took her to see her family doctor. After talking to her and examining her, her doctor told me that she was simply mourning the life she left behind. He then told me it was OK to cry, and that he cried almost every week. He was right, of course. My mother adjusted to her new home, and lived an independent and fulfilling life there into her 95th year.
36 RecommendShareFlag
Dominic Gonzalez commented July 28, 2020
D
Dominic Gonzalez
San Antonio
July 28, 2020
Teaching a kid not to cry is like telling them to throw away the blue crayon. A developed palette of emotions blends our perspectives into nuanced schemes.
1 Reply35 RecommendShareFlag
Sue commented July 28, 2020
S
Sue
Philadelphia
July 28, 2020
If you are female you better never, ever cry at work. You will be called emotional and perhaps much worse and your judgement may even be called into question.
1 Reply31 RecommendShareFlag
Alice commented July 28, 2020
A
Alice
Oregon
July 28, 2020
I’ve always been a person who cries easily. It’s genetic really: my dad’s the same way, so were his mother and sister. I cry probably every day. I once couldn’t hold back tears of joy at a baseball game when they announced that a pitcher from a team in another city had pitched a perfect game. (“What a great game this is. He worked so hard, no one deserves it more.”). My husband commented wryly “usually it takes something sad, like someone drops their pizza.” I’m comfortable with this in myself, but truly, it’s not always a good thing.
I often experience that my tears trigger unpleasant emotional responses in others. They may feel angry, as if I’m doing something shameful in public. They may feel manipulated. They may feel I am “acting like a child.” They may feel responsible for rescuing me — from the emotional catastrophe that crying would represent for them. (I don’t have tears because of emotional catastrophe, I seem to have tears with day-to-day emotions, quite often the good ones actually.). Please stop crying right now, you’re distressing ME!
So yes — if you can’t, it’s good to learn to let them come. But it’s also good to be aware that tears impact others in ways you’re not expecting or may not like.
30 RecommendShareFlag
Linda commented July 28, 2020
L
Linda
California
July 28, 2020
I've had depression and anxiety since childhood, partly from becoming a member of the 'me,too' club at age 6. Even then, my profound love of animals was evident, as my abuser told me he would make me watch him kill the animals in my care if I told anyone what he was doing to me. I didn't tell anyone in my family about the abuse until I was nearly 40.
It has taken me years to figure out that, as painful as the things were that he did to my body, what was most distressing was the thought that anyone would intentionally hurt an animal. Considering humans' ongoing destruction of the natural world, I cry nearly every day, partly out of sorrow for the animals, partly because I see plants and animals as miracles that most people take for granted, never taking the time to ponder how awesome and mysterious they are.
I also weep reading about the amazing things that have happened in the BLM protests, like Patrick Hutchinson, the Black man in London who pulled a right-wing, white man to safety after he was knocked down. I weep reading about John Lewis and his steadfast belief in the Divine Love that we all have within.
I weep because I see all living things as part of Something perfect and awesome, just wrapped in different flesh.
I weep because we destroy the very things that could be our salvation.
I weep. I accept tears as part of my life, and try to not fight them. We have been given tears to shed for a reason, even if we are not sure what that reason is.
29 RecommendShareFlag
Kathy Lollock commented July 28, 2020
K
Kathy Lollock
Santa Rosa, CA
July 28, 2020
Tears are nature's way of opening up those vents of internal pressure, much like a pressure cooker. But it is more than a release of tension, of stress, of sadness. Crying is human; it is empathetic. It shows others we care, we understand; we have compassion. For us women, society has, for the most part, accepted our tears of grief or tears of joy. But this American societal paradigm has been unfair toward men. They are looked upon as weak, unmanly, "girlie," if even one tear is shed. Paradoxically, the most internally strong men I have had the honor of knowing have not been ashamed of shedding tears...my dear dad, my wonderful husband, and even politicians like President Obama. These are men who are secure in their own skin, who have self-esteem, and self-respect. These are the people whom I want to be part of my life.
28 RecommendShareFlag
American2020 commented July 28, 2020
A
American2020
USA
July 28, 2020
I'm in recovery and for the past 32 years I've learned that I don't get to choose which emotions to stuff.
It all comes out in the wash...tears, joy, and sometimes for survival, numbness.
I've been in some dark places in life. Danced with Mr D. many times but I have to say, it has taken every skill I possess to accept this turn of events...a global pandemic and the misery my fellow humans are experiencing.
I am an unashamed crier or I would go mad.
1 Reply25 RecommendShareFlag
Mollyo commented July 28, 2020
M
Mollyo
Seattle
July 28, 2020
When I was going through a rough patch, I went to therapy, and the best advice she gave me was to put my hand over my heart and say to myself that this is hard. What I'm going through is hard. I think crying is part of taking care of your heart, which gets neglected sometimes! As Rosie Greer sang, "It's all right to cry. It might make you feel better."
24 RecommendShareFlag
Eveline Sperling commented July 28, 2020
E
Eveline Sperling
Chevy Chase, MD
July 28, 2020
Being aware and feeling our emotions is so important! I developed chronic pain and illness (Fibromyalgia and ME/CFS) and luckily I found Dr. John Sarno's work and almost recovered now. I did tons of emotional work (cried every day for over a year) and other work to get out the stress response that was always on overdrive and I have gone from almost bedridden to walking a couple miles a day. When we block too much emotion the stress response comes on and it comes out as chronic pain and other symptoms like IBS, Migraines, skin conditions, tinnitus, and more.
1 Reply24 RecommendShareFlag
Andris commented July 29, 2020
A
Andris
Quakertown, PA
July 29, 2020
As an elder Boomer guy who hasn't cried much ever, I doubt if I could learn how. But I sure would love to just howl at the state of America right now.
23 RecommendShareFlag
Chauncey Gardner commented July 28, 2020
C
Chauncey Gardner
The Great Flyover
July 28, 2020
Oh, yeah...between crying and drinking, I have a fair shot of reaching November 3rd.
22 RecommendShareFlag
H Pearle commented July 28, 2020
H
H Pearle
Rochester, NY
July 28, 2020
Again, much thanks for this incredible wisdom.
The last time I had a good cry, I was crying for joy.
A train was passing by, and I gave the engineer, thumbs up.
The engineer blasted his horn, in response, as the train came.
I started to cry, with joy, and my heart felt like it might burst.
The crying lasted for minutes, as the train kept coming.
I just allow myself to cry, more, to gain motivation.
Much thanks
22 RecommendShareFlag
David_60 commented July 28, 2020
D
David_60
Austin, Texas
July 28, 2020
I cry all the time as it is. I guess I'm ahead of the game.
22 RecommendShareFlag
Sheltered In Place commented July 28, 2020
S
Sheltered In Place
Dripping Springs Texas
July 28, 2020
I’m good at crying. If it was ever discouraged I have no memory of it. I’m one of those cry at the drop of a hat kind.
My husband is not. But after 40 years together I’ve learned three things. One is being watchful, and intuiting when he needs the release of tears. Second which one of the handful of songs I know are guaranteed to bring him to tears best fits this moment? And third, to be his safe space where the release is welcome and acknowledged, and needs no explanation.
Sometimes, though, it’s the laughters that are called for, because they are very different! I can usually get those going in a heated moment when I remind him that we agreed 40 years ago that there would be no divorce in this house!
Murder? Maybe...
1 Reply18 RecommendShareFlag
Deborah Lusk commented July 28, 2020
D
Deborah Lusk
Portland Oregon
July 28, 2020
I’ve often seen a small child throwing a fit in the market or at the park and the screaming and crying ensues. Instead of thinking, I wonder what’s wrong or why don’t they stop, I think, wow, how lucky they are to be able to do that. To get it all out. Whatever they need to do to get it out. I think if we took time to throw a tantrum and cry as adults, as long as we don’t freak others out, so maybe privately, how much better we’d feel.
17 RecommendShareFlag
Suzy Sandor commented July 29, 2020
S
Suzy Sandor
NYC
July 29, 2020
Crying is great relief, it just feels very good but how does an adult make it happen, our eyes are dried our emotions buried deep down so as not to feel much.
17 RecommendShareFlag
Sutter commented July 28, 2020
S
Sutter
Sacramento
July 28, 2020
Most of the time I can't cry. I wish I could for relief/release.
1 Reply16 RecommendShareFlag
Blanche White commented July 29, 2020
B
Blanche White
South Carolina
July 29, 2020
Crying is simply the body spontaneously reacting to cleanse itself of a situation it has determined that the mind has no control over and cannot fix. When the mind/ego tries to prevent the body from such expression, scarring results whether it is visible or not.
16 RecommendShareFlag
Jim Anderson commented July 29, 2020
J
Jim Anderson
Bethesda
July 29, 2020
I never needed to learn how to cry. All I had to do was grow up in the United States. That was enough to bring out the tears.
16 RecommendShareFlag
Sally commented July 28, 2020
S
Sally
Where The West Begins
July 28, 2020
Conversely - Laughter is also an important part of expressing one's emotions. It can help clear your head (and heart) of negative thoughts too. Give a good cry. AND give a good, long and loud laugh. For a few minutes. It's infectious! Pun intended.
Stay well and keep the love and support going in all directions!
15 RecommendShareFlag
jazz one commented July 28, 2020
J
jazz one
wi
July 28, 2020
@Barb Davis
I am so sorry for your son's tragic death. The kissing tree ritual is very wise of you; I hope you find some comfort and healing in that. It is very resilient of you to find such an outlet and you have my admiration.
That your grandson was born on that same date 25 years later is so interesting.
After much much much personal trauma in our family -- the first grandchild born into our very small clan arrived on the same date as her great-grandmother's death 18 years prior.
It was the first really 'good news' in long stretch of pain.
We all saw -- and continue to view -- it as kind of a 'heavenly exchange' -- as the granddaughter has so much of her departed great-grammy in her.
I hope you feel your young son's presence often in the light and energy of your grandson.
15 RecommendShareFlag
Jane commented July 28, 2020
J
Jane
Chicago
July 28, 2020
how incredibly beautiful. how incredible — your grandson! and how profound is loss. i am sorry you lost your son. thank you for sharing this.
15 RecommendShareFlag
Matt Morley commented July 29, 2020
Matt Morley
Matt Morley
Chevy Chase, Md
July 29, 2020
@Observer I don't think it's an anti-laughter movement at all.
15 RecommendShareFlag
Don Salmon commented July 28, 2020
D
Don Salmon
asheville nc
July 28, 2020
There are many kinds of tears.
There are tears of empathy and compassion (as one commenter mentioned, the tears shed by President Obama after Sandy Hook)
Then there are the tears that are shed when a child doesn't get his way (and when the child wishes to exact revenge on those he thinks stood in the way of his getting what he wanted).
Those are VERY different.
Then there are the tears that are shed in wonder at the beauty, the mystery and awesome-ness of life, of the universe.
Perhaps those tears are the source of all other tears, but separating ourselves out as some sort of special entity, deserving of special favor, distorts their expression.
(PS: If you notice that the first two kinds of tears are reflective of world leaders who are, well, in some way associated with each other, you may not be entirely wrong)
14 RecommendShareFlag
Kathy Lollock commented July 28, 2020
K
Kathy Lollock
Santa Rosa, CA
July 28, 2020
@Barb Davis Barb, thank you for your beautiful and poignant words. God bless you.
13 RecommendShareFlag
U.C. Graduate commented July 28, 2020
U
U.C. Graduate
Los Angeles
July 28, 2020
It's interesting to see how cultures change over time. Just a couple of decades ago, it would have been unimaginable to see a Japanese man who goes around the country teaching people how to cry. After the bubble economy and the lost decade, the films of Akira Kurosawa and the novels of Haruki Murakami, the Asian Financial Crisis and Fukushima Disaster, and COVID-19 and the delay of Tokyo 2020 Olympics, Japanese have many reasons and pathways to get in touch with their inner-selves and private emotions. The only solace during this time is the palpable feeling that all of this will lead to a new beginning.
12 RecommendShareFlag
Lynn commented July 28, 2020
L
Lynn
NYC
July 28, 2020
@Bob Krantz I don't agree that anyone should try to 'overcome' emotions. I mean, our feelings are our feelings. I also don't agree with 'not always trusting our feelings', for the same reasons.
Rather, we need to stop and consider our feelings... where are they coming from, etc. This is all the more true when those feelings have a negative impact on us, i.e., anger, jealousy, desire for revenge, and especially when those feelings are impinging on our day-to-day lives, our ability to function at a healthy level, etc.
But to actually shed tears? Seems pretty clear to most of us that it's a perfectly natural response...and a healthy one at that...just like sneezing, coughing, etc. Far too many cultures have stigmatized crying in and of itself, just as they have mental illness for example. That can obviously be very damaging, and can stunt personal/emotional growth.
12 RecommendShareFlag
The Pessimistic Shrink commented July 29, 2020
T
The Pessimistic Shrink
Henderson, NV
July 29, 2020
"Crying is a language – a primitive one, but nevertheless a very human one. The history of neurosis is the history of misery and the need to cry out this misery. Crying is not only an expression of general hurt; it is also a vehicle that carries us back through time to those specific traumas that were buried long ago by the processes of repression. It is tears that break down those barriers and help us on that voyage through time when we were hurt and could not cry. Tears wash away our pain and unmask the unconscious. This is not a metaphor but a biological fact.
“Tears of early loss are the solution that dissolves the walls of the unconscious and liberates encapsulated pain." (Arthur Janov, The New Primal Scream)
12 RecommendShareFlag
NP commented July 28, 2020
NP
NP
Midwest
July 28, 2020
My coauthor and I wrote about using movies to get in touch with your emotions and cry them out in our Cinematherapy book series. You start with crying about what's going on in the movie and soon, you're just releasing your own emotions. Go for the tearjerkers (or as we called them, Copious Weepers).
11 RecommendShareFlag
Andrea R commented July 29, 2020
Andrea R
Andrea R
Brooklyn
July 29, 2020
The video itself made me cry. Beautiful!
Sometimes when I have the feeling inside that I need to get out some tears, I watch videos about animals or other cute things, or really inspiring things. I always feel so much better after crying.
I kid around that I sometimes need to watch some "cry porn".
11 RecommendShareFlag
Carolyn Waller commented July 28, 2020
C
Carolyn Waller
Albuquerque
July 28, 2020
My doctor advised me that crying was good for us under the present circumstances. I have only cried twice since the virus took over our minds, bodies and souls, but maybe I will try it. The price is definitely right.
11 RecommendShareFlag
Usok commented July 28, 2020
U
Usok
Houston
July 28, 2020
It doesn't seem to have sufficient scientific proof that crying more can increase or improve ones immune system.
But crying does seem to release emotion or pressure a bit. People feel better or more relax afterward. According to Chinese theory, "chi" will flow more smooth internally and body tends to heal itself better.
10 RecommendShareFlag
Mm commented July 28, 2020
M
Mm
Alameda
July 28, 2020
I don't know if I consider crying good. I was a female who was emotional at work. I blame hormones.
The two times I cried in extreme despair because of a great loss I feel that something in me physically broke and was never the same again. I don't know if I consider that good.
I wish humans did not have to face so much despair during our lives.
10 RecommendShareFlag
PJS commented July 29, 2020
P
PJS
NYC
July 29, 2020
@Sue - That was never my experience as a woman who couldn’t control my tears a couple of times at work. One or two of my colleagues witnessed it and comforted me during that time. In a way, I think that I was respected more as they got to see a side of me that was very human and I don’t regret that one bit. I would imagine that if anyone, male or female, cried too much then I could see that being problematic. But the mere act of crying does reveal a tender vulnerability that makes us more alive and really connects us all as humans.
At the end of the day I was still respected by my colleagues and the sight of me crying had no negative effects on my career.
10 RecommendShareFlag
Kathleen Imanishi commented July 28, 2020
K
Kathleen Imanishi
Seattle, WA
July 28, 2020
Thank you for such a lovely, heartwarming story that reminds us crying is a good thing. I’ll never forget the time I reached out to hug my Dad after he started crying in front of his doctor and my siblings. He wouldn’t let me. I understood why at the time, but to see him struggle with his own emotions made me so sad. Your message surely will inspire others to shed tears more often regardless of the time, place or situation.
9 RecommendShareFlag
pardon me commented July 28, 2020
P
pardon me
Birmingham, AL
July 28, 2020
There do seem to be many kinds of crying, just as there are many types of laughing. I worry most about people who don't seem moved to tears even when confronted with stories or images of sadness and horror.
1 Reply8 RecommendShareFlag
Jarl Forsman commented July 28, 2020
J
Jarl Forsman
Sausalito, CA
July 28, 2020
@Bob Krantz This is not really about expressing your emotions, it's about acknowledging what you truly feel and allowing yourself to feel the emotion, not act on it, but feel it. If we allow ourselves to actually experience our true feelings, they are free to dissolve. If we repress them, they will come out later, often at inappropriate times or cause us to act in a way that recreates the same feeling. We don't need to overcome our emotions, we need to acknowledge the truth of how we feel. Otherwise, they will overwhelm us and cause us to act irrationally. It's only when we've acknowledged our true feelings that we can then act from a place of balance and authenticity. I think you're mixing up acknowledging and allowing ourselves to actually feel our feelings with acting on them or expressing them to others. Our emotions are an inside job. Crying is just allowing ourselves to feel authentically and then get on with life.
8 RecommendShareFlag
JNan commented July 28, 2020
J
JNan
Arlington, VA
July 28, 2020
I’m having flashbacks to the scheduled crying of Holly Hunter’s character in the movie Broadcast News!
2 Replies8 RecommendShareFlag
Viseguy commented July 29, 2020
Viseguy
Viseguy
NYC
July 29, 2020
Don't hold in your sneezes. Let them out, loud and ostentatious. To do otherwise is not good for you -- your eardrums, your nasal passages, your lungs. I've been saying that to my wife for 37 years.
Likewise, tears. Let them out -- it's good for your soul, and all the organs your soul embodies.
Sneezes are easier than tears, I can tell you from experience.
8 RecommendShareFlag
Art Likely commented July 28, 2020
Art Likely
Art Likely
Out in the Sunset
July 28, 2020
@Sheltered In Place The end of your post didn't bring me to tears, but it did stimulate my laughter muscles. Thanks! :) (Married 39 years here.)
7 RecommendShareFlag
Vivian Chomel commented July 28, 2020
Vivian Chomel
Vivian Chomel
Netherlands
July 28, 2020
@pardon me
Trump should be crying on national television for all the pain and loss he has caused during this initial Covid-19 Crisis. His lack of compassion is beyond anything I have ever seen in any president while in office.
7 RecommendShareFlag
BBzadeh commented July 28, 2020
B
BBzadeh
Washington, DC
July 28, 2020
If you look at the Shia Muslim culture of Iran, you will find a strong culture of crying at religious events when worshipping Shia saints. It is universal: men, women, the top of the religious hierarchy, leading politicians, blue collar people - they all cry.
7 RecommendShareFlag
Rhonda commented July 28, 2020
Rhonda
Rhonda
Pennsylvania
July 28, 2020
I am really happy to hear about this.
As a college student in the early 90s working weekends in the campus library, before Pokemon became a thing, I found friendship and acceptance among the Japanese.
It saddens me still that one of my first Japanese acquaintances committed suicide a few miles from campus before I got to really know her. It was a shock, as my initial impression was that she was calm and pleasant, not stressed and/or depressed.
Over the years, those who would become my friends would often confide in me privately--they trusted me with their fears, concerns, and to use a term some would use to describe more serious situations--failures.
Sometimes they would talk about fears with respect to one another. I noticed a pattern that while many shared similar feelings and concerns, almost no one was willing to share these feelings with their Japanese friends or family.
I asked, "Why? What would be the worst thing that would happen?"
One said, "Even if other people have the same concerns, we'll never really know because no one would want to admit it, because it's a weakness. To be the first means to face rejection."
These days, my kids watch anime, with no influence from me. The characters are often highly dramatic and emotional, whether male or female.
I've often wondered if this was a result of finding a more socially acceptable way of displaying or venting emotions or if it was to present emotions as absurd.
I don't know who I'd ask.
7 RecommendShareFlag
Fozzy Bear commented July 28, 2020
F
Fozzy Bear
Muppetland
July 28, 2020
I used to wear my emotions on my sleeve. I was taught it was perfectly OK to feel my feelings and I took that seriously for a long time. And while I haven't given up on that commitment to emotional integrity, I have hardened like a plant. I cried a little while reading Sebastian Junger's book "Tribe," about PTSD and the military last month. But I've seen too many things or come close to seeing such disaster that I am a dried up well. I wish I could cry, but trouble calls and I must guard the cave. When one slips through, I get disappointed but I'm basically dried up and numb––no crying.
7 RecommendShareFlag
N J commented July 29, 2020
N
N J
Chicago
July 29, 2020
Our decades-long list of misdeeds as an empire should give us all cause to weep. If, collectively, we never come to understand this, our inevitable decline will only be more severe.
7 RecommendShareFlag
David D commented July 29, 2020
D
David D
Central Mass
July 29, 2020
Literally cried just watching this
7 RecommendShareFlag
Sues commented July 28, 2020
S
Sues
PNW
July 28, 2020
I don't cry much. Wish I did. Whenever I do cry, I feel better for it.
This short film was food for thought.
6 RecommendShareFlag
sg commented July 28, 2020
S
sg
nj
July 28, 2020
@Barb Davis So sorry for your pain, and thank you for sharing this beautiful story. Wishing you peace on every July 23rd, and all the days in between. Enjoy that blessed grandson!
4 Replies5 RecommendShareFlag
M S J commented July 29, 2020
M
M S J
Chicago
July 29, 2020
Check out "Re-evaluation Counseling". Crying (discharging) is encouraged. It's been around for decades and has helped a lot of people.
5 RecommendShareFlag
Majd commented July 29, 2020
M
Majd
Seattle
July 29, 2020
A great book on the subject
A great to book, that digs deep into how crying unlocks
the necessary human elements needed to accept one's vulnerability and let go into the tears.
https://www.amazon.com/Strength-Within-Tears-Path-Crying/dp/1469781514
5 RecommendShareFlag
Observer commented July 29, 2020
Observer
Observer
Canada
July 29, 2020
Some years ago "forced laughing out loud" was marketed as the cure for unhappiness and related psychosomatic illnesses. It was popularized in India and spread all over the world. CBS's 60 Minutes reported it. People in groups are laughing themselves silly in parks as their daily exercise.
So the anti-laughter movement is the latest fad from Japan. Perhaps after a good cry people can go to the park and laugh their heads off. Then go home and cry some more. There are plenty to cry about these days.
Does it sound like lunacy?
1 Reply5 RecommendShareFlag
Arvay commented July 28, 2020
A
Arvay
Fairbanks, Alaska
July 28, 2020
Definitely good for hay fever!
I've been watching a lot of online concerts. Pandemic concerts tend to be emotionally heavy. It's great for cleaning the eyes and sinuses!
4 RecommendShareFlag
Juliet commented July 28, 2020
Juliet
Juliet
Memphis, TN
July 28, 2020
It seems to me that there are many kinds of crying. My husband cried tears of joy when our first baby was born and I get teary eyed every time I see a baby born on TV. There are movies that can make one cry; certain music even. And there is crying from sadness, like when a love affair has ended, or someone has died. All of those seem acceptable, understandable. But what about crying because someone reprimanded you at work? That has happened to me a couple of times and it is very embarrassing because it seems childish and therefore unacceptable. I have always been a person who cries easily and it is a trait that I dislike. I would love to talk to the Japanese crying therapist about that.
1 Reply4 RecommendShareFlag
Bob Krantz commented July 28, 2020
B
Bob Krantz
SW Colorado
July 28, 2020
Sure, there are benefits from expressing emotions, especially in extreme situations.
But there are also important benefits in overcoming emotions, and not letting our feelings overwhelm rational, objective thinking, again especially in extreme situations.
Do not always trust your feelings.
4 Replies4 RecommendShareFlag
Jay Orchard commented July 28, 2020
J
Jay Orchard
Miami Beach
July 28, 2020
Given the choice between crying and laughing I would go for laughing each time.
4 RecommendShareFlag
H Pearle commented July 28, 2020
H
H Pearle
Rochester, NY
July 28, 2020
@KIMO
Thanks, so much. This reminds me when I cried for joy.
On "Bastille Day", July 14, 2017, I watched a passing train. As the train approached, from below, I gave it 2 thumbs up.
All of a sudden, the engineer blew the train whistle, twice.
Surprised, I started to cry for joy, and I could not stop.
My heart started to beat and I was afraid it might burst.
The crying lasted for minutes, as I tried to calm down.
It was a wonderful feeling, but since then, I am not crying.
Watching this film, may help me to cry again, now.
(My interest is student motivation and this may help)
Thank you so very much www.SavingSchools.org
4 RecommendShareFlag
Vivian Chomel commented July 28, 2020
Vivian Chomel
Vivian Chomel
Netherlands
July 28, 2020
@Juliet
I know about the “crying events at work”, never pleasant though it plagued me through all of my jobs until one famous day I simply quit working. I was lucky I guess. Some of us just don’t perform our best on the job and it’s really not all our fault. We take things much too personally and perhaps a little medication would have solved a part of the problem. So is life.
4 RecommendShareFlag
H Pearle commented July 28, 2020
H
H Pearle
Rochester, NY
July 28, 2020
@KIMO
Again, much thanks for this incredible wisdom.
The last time I had a good cry, I was crying for joy.
A train was passing by, and I gave the engineer, thumbs up.
The engineer blasted his horn, as the train came.
I cried, with joy, and my heart felt like it might burst.
The crying lasted for minutes, as the train kept coming.
I must allow myself to cry, more, to wake up, more!
(My interest is student motivation and crying may help)
Much thanks
4 RecommendShareFlag
Diane Kravif commented July 29, 2020
D
Diane Kravif
Los Angeles, CA
July 29, 2020
I found this video intriguing but frustrating. It left so many obvious questions unanswered. How did Mr. Yoshida become interested in this subject and what are his qualifications for teaching it? How does he teach people to cry? How can people learn to force themselves to cry? What health benefits does crying have, and have these benefits been confirmed through medical research?
4 RecommendShareFlag
Blanche White commented July 29, 2020
B
Blanche White
South Carolina
July 29, 2020
@American2020
Roy Orbison can be thanked for giving men his musical permission to cry and making it feel ok and even natural.
4 RecommendShareFlag
Upstate NYer commented July 28, 2020
U
Upstate NYer
Canandaigua NY
July 28, 2020
What does one do if one no longer knows how to cry, and hasn't done so in >50 years?
2 Replies3 RecommendShareFlag
Bob Krantz commented July 28, 2020
B
Bob Krantz
SW Colorado
July 28, 2020
@Lynn
With all respect, people who always give in to emotion might not be the most reliable in dire situations. Perhaps almost a cliche, but I am pretty sure what Chesley Sullenberger accomplished required him to overcome some strong emotions.
And people who always trust their feelings are likely to be often wrong, or at least regret decisions they made without stopping to think more rationally.
Finally, we all need to build stronger resistance to feelings and emotions that others can induce. If we demand a world safe from emotional distress, we will spend all our time policing what others say, and imagine they might think.
(I do agree that crying should not be stigmatized. But I also would not encourage people to cry all the time about trivial things.)
3 RecommendShareFlag
H Pearle commented July 28, 2020
H
H Pearle
Rochester, NY
July 28, 2020
@KIMO
Again, much thanks for this incredible wisdom.
The last time I had a good cry, I was crying for joy.
A train was passing by, and I gave the engineer, thumbs up.
The engineer blasted his horn, as the train came.
I cried, with joy, and my heart felt like it might burst.
The crying lasted for minutes, as the train kept coming.
I must allow myself to cry, more, to wake up, more!
(My interest is student motivation and crying may help)
Much thanks
2 RecommendShareFlag
Gem commented July 29, 2020
G
Gem
Northern Calif. Coast
July 29, 2020
@Eveline Sperling
Can you recommend Sarno’s books which helped you to cry?
2 RecommendShareFlag
margot brinn commented July 29, 2020
M
margot brinn
ithaca, new york
July 29, 2020
@Upstate NYer I think if you find a friend who you trust, who can welcome your feelings, not try to stop them, or jolly you out of them, and take turns listening to each other, you will reclaim the ability.
2 RecommendShareFlag
Peter commented July 29, 2020
P
Peter
Australia
July 29, 2020
@Dominic Gonzalez a perfect analogy. All the more so because blue is my favourite color.
2 RecommendShareFlag
BBzadeh commented July 28, 2020
B
BBzadeh
Washington, DC
July 28, 2020
If you look at the Shia Muslim culture of Iran, you will find a strong culture of crying at religious events when worshipping Shia saints. It is universal: men, women, the top of the religious hierarchy, leading politicians, blue collar people - they all cry.
7 RecommendShareFlag
Rhonda commented July 28, 2020
Rhonda
Rhonda
Pennsylvania
July 28, 2020
I am really happy to hear about this.
As a college student in the early 90s working weekends in the campus library, before Pokemon became a thing, I found friendship and acceptance among the Japanese.
It saddens me still that one of my first Japanese acquaintances committed suicide a few miles from campus before I got to really know her. It was a shock, as my initial impression was that she was calm and pleasant, not stressed and/or depressed.
Over the years, those who would become my friends would often confide in me privately--they trusted me with their fears, concerns, and to use a term some would use to describe more serious situations--failures.
Sometimes they would talk about fears with respect to one another. I noticed a pattern that while many shared similar feelings and concerns, almost no one was willing to share these feelings with their Japanese friends or family.
I asked, "Why? What would be the worst thing that would happen?"
One said, "Even if other people have the same concerns, we'll never really know because no one would want to admit it, because it's a weakness. To be the first means to face rejection."
These days, my kids watch anime, with no influence from me. The characters are often highly dramatic and emotional, whether male or female.
I've often wondered if this was a result of finding a more socially acceptable way of displaying or venting emotions or if it was to present emotions as absurd.
I don't know who I'd ask.
7 RecommendShareFlag
Fozzy Bear commented July 28, 2020
F
Fozzy Bear
Muppetland
July 28, 2020
I used to wear my emotions on my sleeve. I was taught it was perfectly OK to feel my feelings and I took that seriously for a long time. And while I haven't given up on that commitment to emotional integrity, I have hardened like a plant. I cried a little while reading Sebastian Junger's book "Tribe," about PTSD and the military last month. But I've seen too many things or come close to seeing such disaster that I am a dried up well. I wish I could cry, but trouble calls and I must guard the cave. When one slips through, I get disappointed but I'm basically dried up and numb––no crying.
7 RecommendShareFlag
N J commented July 29, 2020
N
N J
Chicago
July 29, 2020
Our decades-long list of misdeeds as an empire should give us all cause to weep. If, collectively, we never come to understand this, our inevitable decline will only be more severe.
7 RecommendShareFlag
David D commented July 29, 2020
D
David D
Central Mass
July 29, 2020
Literally cried just watching this
7 RecommendShareFlag
Sues commented July 28, 2020
S
Sues
PNW
July 28, 2020
I don't cry much. Wish I did. Whenever I do cry, I feel better for it.
This short film was food for thought.
6 RecommendShareFlag
sg commented July 28, 2020
S
sg
nj
July 28, 2020
@Barb Davis So sorry for your pain, and thank you for sharing this beautiful story. Wishing you peace on every July 23rd, and all the days in between. Enjoy that blessed grandson!
4 Replies5 RecommendShareFlag
M S J commented July 29, 2020
M
M S J
Chicago
July 29, 2020
Check out "Re-evaluation Counseling". Crying (discharging) is encouraged. It's been around for decades and has helped a lot of people.
5 RecommendShareFlag
Majd commented July 29, 2020
M
Majd
Seattle
July 29, 2020
A great book on the subject
A great to book, that digs deep into how crying unlocks
the necessary human elements needed to accept one's vulnerability and let go into the tears.
https://www.amazon.com/Strength-Within-Tears-Path-Crying/dp/1469781514
5 RecommendShareFlag
Observer commented July 29, 2020
Observer
Observer
Canada
July 29, 2020
Some years ago "forced laughing out loud" was marketed as the cure for unhappiness and related psychosomatic illnesses. It was popularized in India and spread all over the world. CBS's 60 Minutes reported it. People in groups are laughing themselves silly in parks as their daily exercise.
So the anti-laughter movement is the latest fad from Japan. Perhaps after a good cry people can go to the park and laugh their heads off. Then go home and cry some more. There are plenty to cry about these days.
Does it sound like lunacy?
1 Reply5 RecommendShareFlag
Arvay commented July 28, 2020
A
Arvay
Fairbanks, Alaska
July 28, 2020
Definitely good for hay fever!
I've been watching a lot of online concerts. Pandemic concerts tend to be emotionally heavy. It's great for cleaning the eyes and sinuses!
4 RecommendShareFlag
Juliet commented July 28, 2020
Juliet
Juliet
Memphis, TN
July 28, 2020
It seems to me that there are many kinds of crying. My husband cried tears of joy when our first baby was born and I get teary eyed every time I see a baby born on TV. There are movies that can make one cry; certain music even. And there is crying from sadness, like when a love affair has ended, or someone has died. All of those seem acceptable, understandable. But what about crying because someone reprimanded you at work? That has happened to me a couple of times and it is very embarrassing because it seems childish and therefore unacceptable. I have always been a person who cries easily and it is a trait that I dislike. I would love to talk to the Japanese crying therapist about that.
1 Reply4 RecommendShareFlag
Bob Krantz commented July 28, 2020
B
Bob Krantz
SW Colorado
July 28, 2020
Sure, there are benefits from expressing emotions, especially in extreme situations.
But there are also important benefits in overcoming emotions, and not letting our feelings overwhelm rational, objective thinking, again especially in extreme situations.
Do not always trust your feelings.
4 Replies4 RecommendShareFlag
Jay Orchard commented July 28, 2020
J
Jay Orchard
Miami Beach
July 28, 2020
Given the choice between crying and laughing I would go for laughing each time.
4 RecommendShareFlag
H Pearle commented July 28, 2020
H
H Pearle
Rochester, NY
July 28, 2020
@KIMO
Thanks, so much. This reminds me when I cried for joy.
On "Bastille Day", July 14, 2017, I watched a passing train. As the train approached, from below, I gave it 2 thumbs up.
All of a sudden, the engineer blew the train whistle, twice.
Surprised, I started to cry for joy, and I could not stop.
My heart started to beat and I was afraid it might burst.
The crying lasted for minutes, as I tried to calm down.
It was a wonderful feeling, but since then, I am not crying.
Watching this film, may help me to cry again, now.
(My interest is student motivation and this may help)
Thank you so very much www.SavingSchools.org
4 RecommendShareFlag
Vivian Chomel commented July 28, 2020
Vivian Chomel
Vivian Chomel
Netherlands
July 28, 2020
@Juliet
I know about the “crying events at work”, never pleasant though it plagued me through all of my jobs until one famous day I simply quit working. I was lucky I guess. Some of us just don’t perform our best on the job and it’s really not all our fault. We take things much too personally and perhaps a little medication would have solved a part of the problem. So is life.
4 RecommendShareFlag
H Pearle commented July 28, 2020
H
H Pearle
Rochester, NY
July 28, 2020
@KIMO
Again, much thanks for this incredible wisdom.
The last time I had a good cry, I was crying for joy.
A train was passing by, and I gave the engineer, thumbs up.
The engineer blasted his horn, as the train came.
I cried, with joy, and my heart felt like it might burst.
The crying lasted for minutes, as the train kept coming.
I must allow myself to cry, more, to wake up, more!
(My interest is student motivation and crying may help)
Much thanks
4 RecommendShareFlag
Diane Kravif commented July 29, 2020
D
Diane Kravif
Los Angeles, CA
July 29, 2020
I found this video intriguing but frustrating. It left so many obvious questions unanswered. How did Mr. Yoshida become interested in this subject and what are his qualifications for teaching it? How does he teach people to cry? How can people learn to force themselves to cry? What health benefits does crying have, and have these benefits been confirmed through medical research?
4 RecommendShareFlag
Blanche White commented July 29, 2020
B
Blanche White
South Carolina
July 29, 2020
@American2020
Roy Orbison can be thanked for giving men his musical permission to cry and making it feel ok and even natural.
4 RecommendShareFlag
Upstate NYer commented July 28, 2020
U
Upstate NYer
Canandaigua NY
July 28, 2020
What does one do if one no longer knows how to cry, and hasn't done so in >50 years?
2 Replies3 RecommendShareFlag
Bob Krantz commented July 28, 2020
B
Bob Krantz
SW Colorado
July 28, 2020
@Lynn
With all respect, people who always give in to emotion might not be the most reliable in dire situations. Perhaps almost a cliche, but I am pretty sure what Chesley Sullenberger accomplished required him to overcome some strong emotions.
And people who always trust their feelings are likely to be often wrong, or at least regret decisions they made without stopping to think more rationally.
Finally, we all need to build stronger resistance to feelings and emotions that others can induce. If we demand a world safe from emotional distress, we will spend all our time policing what others say, and imagine they might think.
(I do agree that crying should not be stigmatized. But I also would not encourage people to cry all the time about trivial things.)
3 RecommendShareFlag
H Pearle commented July 28, 2020
H
H Pearle
Rochester, NY
July 28, 2020
@KIMO
Again, much thanks for this incredible wisdom.
The last time I had a good cry, I was crying for joy.
A train was passing by, and I gave the engineer, thumbs up.
The engineer blasted his horn, as the train came.
I cried, with joy, and my heart felt like it might burst.
The crying lasted for minutes, as the train kept coming.
I must allow myself to cry, more, to wake up, more!
(My interest is student motivation and crying may help)
Much thanks
2 RecommendShare
