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Audible sampleThe Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions
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by Christopher Germer (Author), Sharon Salzberg (Foreword) Format: Kindle Edition
4.5 out of 5 stars 809 ratings
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Great on Kindle
by Christopher Germer (Author), Sharon Salzberg (Foreword) Format: Kindle Edition
4.5 out of 5 stars 809 ratings
Kindle
$34.64Read with Our Free App
Audiobook1 Credit
Great on Kindle
“Buck up.” “Stop feeling sorry for yourself.” “Don’t ruin everything.” When you are anxious, sad, angry, or lonely, do you hear this self-critical voice? What would happen if, instead of fighting difficult emotions, we accepted them? Over his decades of experience as a therapist and mindfulness meditation practitioner, Dr. Christopher Germer has learned a paradoxical lesson: We all want to avoid pain, but letting it in--and responding compassionately to our own imperfections, without judgment or self-blame--are essential steps on the path to healing. This wise and eloquent book illuminates the power of self-compassion and offers creative, scientifically grounded strategies for putting it into action.
Free audio downloads of the meditation exercises are available at the author's website: www.chrisgermer.com.
See also The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook, by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer, which provides step-by-step guidance for building mindful self-compassion skills and applying them to specific life challenges, and Teaching the Mindful Self-Compassion Program, by Christopher Germer and Kristin Neff (for professionals).
Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies (ABCT) Self-Help Book of Merit
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Print length
321 pages
Product description
Review
[T]his book provides practical, life-changing self-help techniques and suggestions for further readings and practice.-- "Library Journal" --This text refers to the audioCD edition.
See also The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook, by Kristin Neff and Christopher Germer, which provides step-by-step guidance for building mindful self-compassion skills and applying them to specific life challenges, and Teaching the Mindful Self-Compassion Program, by Christopher Germer and Kristin Neff (for professionals).
Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies (ABCT) Self-Help Book of Merit
---
Print length
321 pages
Product description
Review
[T]his book provides practical, life-changing self-help techniques and suggestions for further readings and practice.-- "Library Journal" --This text refers to the audioCD edition.
About the Author
Christopher K. Germer, PhD, is a clinical psychologist in private practice in Arlington, Massachusetts, specializing in mindfulness and compassion-based psychotherapy.
He is a founding member of the Institute for Meditation and Psychotherapy, a clinical instructor in psychology at Harvard Medical School, and coeditor of Mindfulness and Psychotherapy and Wisdom and Compassion in Psychotherapy. Dr. Germer lectures and conducts workshops internationally on the art and science of mindful self-compassion.
Review
"[T]his book provides practical, life-changing self-help techniques and suggestions for further readings and practice." ---Library Journal --This text refers to an alternate kindle_edition edition.
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Product details
ASIN : B005CWSC06
Publisher : The Guilford Press; 1st edition (28 April 2009)
Text-to-Speech : Enabled
Screen Reader : Supported
Enhanced typesetting : Enabled
X-Ray : Enabled
Word Wise : Enabled
Sticky notes : On Kindle Scribe
Print length : 321 pagesBest Sellers Rank: 106,194 in Kindle Store (See Top 100
4.5 out of 5 stars 809 ratings
Christopher Germer
For more info and free downloads of self-compassion meditations, please visit https://chrisgermer.com/ and https://centerformsc.org/
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4.5 out of 5 stars
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A. E. Baker
5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful.Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on 22 April 2015
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I was told by my counsellor to be a bit kinder to myself so I bought this book. From the very first chapter it has made a difference to how I am looking at life. I try to read a chapter every week and I find it very easy to read and use. Would recommend this book to anyone who is struggling with anxiety, low self esteem or lost their way in life.
Life is very hard and we are very hard on ourselves - some times we just need to cut ourselves a bit of slack and stand back to admire the view and smell the coffee.
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H MCI
5.0 out of 5 stars Clear & concise.Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on 9 September 2021
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This is an excellent manual on practicing mindfulness with self - compassion to provide relief from emotional suffering. I only wish that I had been aware of both mindfulness & self compassion a long time ago and that easily followed guides like Christopher Germer’s had come to my attention earlier. I have also recently found the teachings of Thay Thich Nhat Hanh both on You Tube & in books to be of immense help.I really hope that anyone suffering from any form of emotional imbalance find these resources to bring the relief that they are providing for me - as long as you are prepared to practice they work.
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Niamh O'Reilly
5.0 out of 5 stars this book helped meReviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on 26 May 2019
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This book has a lot of great material, while still being an easy and entertaining read. it is not too dense or heavy.
I personally found the content really helpful and go back to it frequently. It was my first introduction to self-compassion, and it was a bit of game changer for me. having said, changing habits of life time is hard, but I can't fault the book for that.
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Road Runner
4.0 out of 5 stars Self help path to self esteemReviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on 3 March 2022
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Nice book, well written with good exercises to do. Little bit repetitive but still very useful. I sometimes get a bit wary of American authors, but this book very good.
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Sidney
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing!Reviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on 5 October 2018
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Wish I'd bought this book a decade ago. Beautifully written and wonderfully content, so helpful. Buy it, you won't regret it!
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===
The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions
Christopher K. Germer
,
Sharon Salzberg
(Foreword)
4.00
4,422 ratings220 reviews
Rate this book
“Buck up.” “Stop feeling sorry for yourself.” “Don’t ruin everything.” When you are anxious, sad, angry, or lonely, do you hear this self-critical voice? What would happen if, instead of fighting difficult emotions, we accepted them? Over his decades of experience as a therapist and mindfulness meditation practitioner, Dr. Christopher Germer has learned a paradoxical lesson: We all want to avoid pain, but letting it in--and responding compassionately to our own imperfections, without judgment or self-blame--are essential steps on the path to healing. This wise and eloquent book illuminates the power of self-compassion and offers creative, scientifically grounded strategies for putting it into action. You’ll master practical techniques for living more fully in the present moment -- especially when hard-to-bear emotions arise -- and for being kind to yourself when you need it the most. Free audio downloads of the meditation exercises are available at the author's website: www.mindfulselfcompassion.org.
Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies (ABCT) Self-Help Book of Merit
Genres
Psychology
Self Help
Nonfiction
Spirituality
Buddhism
Mental Health
Personal Development
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306 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2009
Original title
The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions
This edition
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306 pages, Paperback
Published
April 29, 2009 by The Guilford Press
4.00
4,422 ratings220 reviews
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Bunnyhugger
109 reviews · 1 follower
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February 20, 2013
This is a wonderful book. I will try to explain why. There are many books on mindfulness out there, and plenty more on "loving-kindness" (the "compassion" of this title). I've read or at least skimmed quite a few. Too often, I would find it hard to connect with what I was reading or even feel that I could apply the concepts to my own situation in any meaningful way. There were always blocks, the "yes buts". To my surprise, the author of this book, Christopher Germer, anticipated many of my "yes buts". Just as I would find myself thinking something along the lines of "but that wouldn't work for me because XYZ" he would acknowledge it. An example is in the section on the breath. For years, I have been told to focus on the breath. It's the most basic tenet in any mindfulness work. However, I have found this can worsen a certain state of being, when breathing only accentuates the pain in the chest and body, and it actually becomes harder to breathe, which provokes further anxiety, even panic. So it can be frustrating (and alienating) to hear "just focus on the breath" all of the time. However, Germer admits that for some people, when they are truly overwhelmed, it can be too traumatic to focus on what is happening in their own body. He suggests concentrating instead an external focus: the sound of birds outside, a color, something that is outside of yourself. When you feel grounded enough by that, then you may feel able to return to the breath. It's astonishing that this is the first time I have heard this acknowledged by someone and it felt very validating. Another example is when he is talking about acceptance and how that can alleviate the suffering you are feeling and even enable you to move beyond the painful situation. My immediate response was “yes but how is it acceptance if you are using it in the hopes of feeling better?” Again, he acknowledges this and how the brain cannot be tricked this way. Anyway, this review is based on my first reading so is quite rudimentary. I read a library copy but realized that I would need my own copy so I can mark it. I am now about to start a reread with highlighter in hand. I was also thrilled to find out that my therapist is starting an 8 week seminar course with this very author based on the precepts of this book. (This was a total coincidence as I'd picked up this book on my own and had never heard of Christopher Germer.)
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JJ Lassberg
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July 22, 2011
Thoughts for today... stop trying to "cure" myself and start "caring" for myself.
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Cozette R
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October 20, 2013
This book was recommended to me by a doctor. It gives you tools to help you to stop having destructive thoughts towards yourself. A lot of it is teaching you how to meditate. So you can control your mind from having bad thoughts towards yourself. If you struggle with depression and anxiety as I do this book can help.
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Cara
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April 25, 2012
I'm cultivating mindfulness and self-compassion; this book is a gold mine.
Notes
p. 57 All mindfulness exercises have 3 basic components: stop (also, slow down!), observe (notice and label what you're feeling), return (gently refocus on your focal object whenever you stray from it).
p. 66 In times of difficult emotion:
For 10 minutes, find a comfortable position, close your eyes, take 3 relaxing breaths.
- observe your body--position in chair, sensations
- bring attention to your heart region--may want to put hand over heart
- find your breath in the hearth region. Focus on the sensation of breathing in your heart region.
- after a few minutes with the breathing, let go of that and feel the emotion, or the situation surrounding it
- expand your awareness to your whole body--feel the sensation of the emotion. Look for it throughout your body.
- Focus on the single spot where the feeling is most intense. "In your mind, incline gently to that spot." Just breathe naturally and allow the sensation to be there without trying to change it. Be soothed by your breath.
- If the emotion gets too overwhelming, go back to focusing on breath.
- At the end, go back to your breath for a few minutes, then gently open your eyes.
p. 70 label feelings with gentle, accepting tone (ex. "It's dark and hard to see" vs "Oh NO, I can't see a THING! Who knows what's out there?")
p. 82 loving-kindness: wishing happiness for another person.
compassion: wishing the person to be free from suffering
self-compassion includes self-kindness (tolerating own flaws and inadequacies), common humanity (most people feel the same), mindfulness (non-attached awareness)
p. 94 schemas -- lots of suffering here
I identify with abandonment/instability (expect to lose those close to you), mistrust (expect to be hurt or taken advantage of), emotional deprivation (feel like can't get needs met), defectiveness/shame (something is wrong with me), social isolation/alienation (alone in the world, not the same as everyone else), failure (fundamentally inadequate, will fail), unrelenting standards/hypercriticalness (perfectionist, nothing good enough). Phew! No wonder I'm having such a hard time with everything.
p. 113 Exercise: counting self-judgments
"Say to yourself, 'Over the next 15 minutes, I'll check every minute ro so to see if I'm having a self-critical thought." Use a beeping thing if you have one. Count.
p. 115 interventions for happiness: using signature strengths in a new way each day for a week, 3 good things and why they think they happened every day for a week. --positive effects 6 months later, especially for people who kept doing these things (even though they promised not to in the study). (Seligman, M. Rashid, T., & Parks, A. (2006) Positive Psychotherapy. American Psychologist 61(8), 774-788.)
p. 134 loving-kindness meditation
20 minutes -- sit comfortably upright and relaxed. Close your eyes, focus on heart region, 3 slow, easy breaths from the heart.
- observe yourself from the outside
- "Just as all beings wish to be happy and free from suffering, may I be happy and free from suffering."
- keep imagining yourself in the chair and feeling goodwill. Repeat:
May I be safe. May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I live with ease.
- feel the meaning of the phrases
- take your time, be patient, direct yourself back to the phrases when your mind wanders. Go back to the initial sentence when you need to feel it more.
- let it be easy--don't struggle.
- At the end, gently open your eyes.
p. 216 mindful self-compassion meditation
can do in 5 minutes or longer
sit comfortably upright and relaxed. Close your eyes, 3 deep, relaxing breaths.
- open your awareness to all of the sounds around you
- form an image of yourself in your chair, looking at yourself from the outside
- bring awareness inside body--notice sensations in there
- feel breathing wherever it's most obvious. Pay special attention to each exhale
- replace the out-breaths with loving-kindness phrases--repeat, repeat
- gently open eyes
p. 230
start meditation: sit down for 3 seconds. Do longer if you're ready.
can't find page, though I swear I marked this: normally takes 2-3 years before it starts working.
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Jen Marin
122 reviews · 14 followers
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October 15, 2011
Love says, "I am everything."
Wisdom says, "I am nothing."
Between these two my life flows.
~ Nisagradatta Maharaj
Our culture teaches us that happiness depends on external circumstances, but that is not really the case. In The Mindful Path to Self Compassion, Christopher K. Germer, PhD., states that 2/3 of people without chronic back pain display the same structural dysfunction as those experiencing pain. In another study, job satisfaction was found to be a predictor of developing low back pain. Buddhist psychology instead teaches that it is our relationship with our pain that is the problem, and that acceptance may be a more effective strategy than fighting against our troubles. "What we resist, persists."
Germer offers simple and effective strategies for changing our ingrained habits of resistance. Mindfulness meditation is neurological reprogramming that helps us cultivate a calmer and less reactive state. Since "Neurons that fire together, wire together," we can practice paying attention to what we are doing. This allows us to be more intentional in our lives on many levels. By practicing intentional attention in formal sitting practice, we can develop habits of mindfulness that can serve us in times of stress and difficulty.
Having meditated before, I was surprised to feel how different a consistent Metta practice could make me feel. Practicing being kind to myself has transformed my relationship with other people as well. I find myself more able to be present. Even better, I am remembering to judge myself less when I make mistakes, and to help stop others from beating themselves up as well. I think Germer said it very well: "Give yourself the attention you need so you don't need so much attention." This frees up our energy to be more present for others, and lets kindness move through us to do good work in the world. After all, "[t]ransforming relationships with others starts with us; it is an inside job."
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Julie
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June 10, 2018
I found this a hard book to get motivated to read. I've always worked to avoid pain, not to think about it. This book makes a strong case for why we should not work on avoiding pain but instead accept it . Not be resigned to pain and give up - rather to change your emotional & physical reaction to it. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
Germer writes about how we need to practice self acceptance, not try to improve ourselves. We should focus on responding to the pain that comes up in our life, not blindly reacting to it. Relief can only come once we work on how we can make an emotional space for pain that comes up in life. Yet later he writes that accepting present moment flaws doesn't mean we shouldn't try to improve our behaviors. It's a little confusing. I guess he means we should work on bettering on actions not trying to better our core selves?
The main part of the book deals with how to learn "loving-kindness" or self compassion. It's a concept I find difficult to implement. I am much better at beating myself up. I do want to change this though, which is why I picked up this book.
He writes that there are 5 steps to self compassion. 1) Physically - do things that make you feel better physically like exercising, taking a nap, taking a warm bath, eating nourishing food, snuggling with someone, get a massage etc. When you do something, ask yourself "Is this behavior harming me?" 2)Mentally - don't resist your thoughts but allow them. Ask yourself "If I had one month to live, how would I feel about xxx? Would it still matter?" 3)Emotionally - engage in enjoyable activities. This seemed similar to #1 to me. 4)Relationally - try to be helpful to others and 5)Spiritually - take time to cultivate the values you hold dear.
He is a big believer in mindfulness, living in the moment - another idea I struggle with.
Some quotes from the book:
It's not about generating a certain outcome but about generating a kindly attitude.
Give yourself the attention you need so you don't need so much attention.
People are the owners of their deeds. It's their choice how they make themselves happy or free themselves from suffering.
Periods of confusion and doubt are necessary for us to grow.
We must learn to sit comfortably in the midst of our own uncomfortable emotions.
Little by little fills the pot.
If it's not enjoyable, it's not self compassion!
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Jessica
173 reviews
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May 20, 2012
Similar to the mindful book on depression, I found myself feeling this book was written/geared more for that of a lay person. Therefore I found little of it refreshing or helpful for me.
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Magdelanye
1,546 reviews · 189 followers
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November 12, 2018
CKG gives here an outline culled not only from his extensive reading but also from his wide experience and his genuine compassion for the human condition. He is not a guru or even well known. Certainly I had never heard of him when I picked up this unassuming book. But lo! within these covers is the operating manual that went missing when the state began to run this spaceship earth according to the military model.
That was a long time ago, and in the interim we, on the whole, have evolved mostly in our capacity to eradicate opposition.This, unfortunately, includes nature,the enemy of development and also people who do not agree with the rulemakers. As a result,the fiercely competitive nature of postmodern life eradicates joy and robs us of our own creativity. What we have instead is hysteria and gossip, a tendency to compartmentalize and place our hopes on distant goals. Denial of reality is the only way most people can function at all.
This book lets us off the hook without sacrificing our integrity.
Instead of denying reality when it becomes uncomfortable, move toward and not away.
Experience what is around you, especially under your feet. Give yourself what you really
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Brennan
194 reviews · 19 followers
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May 19, 2017
This is the most comprehensive and most valuable book on self-compassion I have come across. 4.5 stars for sure.
The author clarifies the relationship between mindfulness and self-compassion. And does so in a way that brings many ah-ha moments.
Even with having read a lot about self-compassion, I feel I read things in this book I hadn't come across before. And for that I am grateful. I recommend this book to my students and clients frequently.
We all struggle with self-compassion to one degree or another. And we all struggle with self-criticism, feeling isolated in our physical or emotional pain, or getting caught up in negative thoughts and emotions. It is not enough to just be aware of that. It takes an active process of cultivating and nourishing self-compassion - which I truly believe can be a healing balm in our lives.
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John Stepper
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January 4, 2021
Excellent. Full of useful, practical insights that are nicely supported by relatable, everyday stories (his own as well as those of his patients).
The basic material may well be familiar to those who’ve read other mindfulness books, but the way it’s presented motivated me to re-commit to my mediation practice and *sit*! That alone is worth 4 stars. :-)
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