2022/10/31
Supporting our True Selves - Jenny Spinks The Australian Friend
Quakers and Their Simplicity Testimony_Jenny Spinks_2000.pdf
2022/10/29
파독 간호사, 호스피스, 동성결혼…“다시 태어나도 같은 선택” : 여성 : 사회 : 뉴스 : 한겨레
파독 간호사, 호스피스, 동성결혼…“다시 태어나도 같은 선택”
등록 :2022-10-29
이유진 기자
다큐 ‘두 사람’ 상영 계기 방한
30여년 ‘동반자’ 생활 끝 결혼
“난관 많은 삶의 숙제 이어져도
불행 속 나를 내버려두지 않아”
[한겨레S] 인터뷰
‘70대 재독 호스피스·성소수자’ 김인선-이수현 부부
김인선·이수현씨가 24일 오후 서울 금천구의 한 공원에서 앉아 자세를 취했다. 이정용 선임기자 lee312@hani.co.kr
22살의 푸르던 청춘은 어느덧 일흔이 넘은 할머니가 되었다. 김인선(72)씨는 독일에서 간호사, 신학 연구자, 이방인들의 마지막 길을 함께하는 호스피스 리더로서 많은 일을 했다. 30대 중후반에 느닷없이 여자를 사랑하게 되어 남편과 이혼하고 동성 연인을 선택한 레즈비언으로서도 파란만장한 생애를 살았다. 지난 8월31일, 김인선씨는 30여년간 함께 살아온 ‘짝꿍’ 이수현(74)씨와 혼인신고를 마쳤다. 독일은 2001년 8월1일 ‘생활동반자 관계에 관한 법률’(생활동반자법)을 시행하며 동성 간 혼인과 유사한 파트너십을 가능하게 했고 2017년 10월1일부터 동성 간 혼인을 허용했다. 동성혼 시행 이후 동성혼의 비율은 전체 혼인 건수 중 약 3%다.
지난 10~13일 이 부부의 일상을 다룬 다큐멘터리 영화 <두 사람>(감독 반박지은)이 부산국제영화제에서 상영되었다. 영화제를 계기로 한국에 온 두 사람을 지난 24일, 서울 금천구에서 만났다. 영화보다 영화 같은 두 사람의 영화는 29일 오후 한국퀴어영화제에서 1회 특별상영된다. 입장권은 일찌감치 전석 매진됐다.
무지개 깃발을 몸에 두른 김인선(왼쪽)씨를 이수현씨가 바라보고 있다. 영화 <두 사람> 스틸컷, 부산국제영화제 누리집
독일의 한국 할머니 커플
―1985년에 만나 1990년부터 함께 살아오셨는데, 결혼을 결심하신 이유가 있나요?
이수현(이하 이) 서로 의지하고 권리를 주장하면서 동시에 의무도 행할 수 있는 그런 안정된 삶을 저는 원했어요. 게다가 이 친구(김인선)가 2009년과 2019년 두번에 걸쳐 암이 발병했거든요. 법적인 보호자가 아니면 병실에 들어갈 수가 없었어요. 그래서 결심했죠.
―생활동반자등록은 안 하셨어요?
이 저희는 안 했어요. 자타가 공인하는 (커플로서) 삶을 1990년부터 살았는데 법적인 절차가 필요하겠나 생각했죠. 그런데 이 친구가 아프면서 안 되겠다 싶어 손잡고 혼인청에 찾아간 거죠. 그런데 엄청난 서류가 필요했어요. 이 친구가 독일에서 결혼했던 증서, 이혼했던 증서, 그리고 (가족관계증명서 등) 한국 서류도 갖고 와야 된다고.
1948년 충남 홍성 태생인 이수현씨는 1975년 간호사로 독일에 파견돼 지금까지 한국 국적을 유지하고 있다. 하지만 50년 가까운 세월 동안 이국에서 생활한 터라 가족관계증명서 발급은 쉽지 않았다. 더군다나 김인선씨는 1984년 파독 광부 출신 동포 남성과 결혼한 독일 국적의 시민권자다. 그런 그가 다시 결혼하게 되면서 한국의 원가족관계증명서가 필요했는데 발급이 거의 불가능해 보였던 것이다. 김인선씨는 혼외자였고, 그의 존재를 한국에서 증명해줄 사람도 없었다. 희미한 기억을 더듬어 영사관을 통해 ‘1950년 마산 태생 김인선’의 가족관계등록부를 찾긴 했지만, ‘그 김인선’은 이미 결혼한 상태였다. 아버지가 같되 어머니가 다른 비슷한 나이의 자매일 것으로 추정한다. 부자 아버지의 집 뒷방에 고아처럼 모여 살던 여러 혼외자들 중 하나였으리라. 한국영사관과 독일 구청에 어렵게 소명하여 천신만고 끝에 결혼할 수 있었다.
서울 종로구 한 카페 겸 문화공간에서 특별상영 중인 <두 사람>을 관객들이 관람하고 있다. 이유진 기자
―한국에 또 다른 김인선씨가 살고 있는 거네요.
김인선(이하 김) 그렇게 내가 특별한 사람이라니까.(웃음)
이 사실은 중간에 결혼을 포기했어요. 독일에 있는 성소수자와 이민자들 커뮤니티의 사회복지사가 도와줘서 다시 용기가 난 거죠. 그 사람도 이란 난민 출신이에요.
김 파란만장한 속에 장미는 핀다.(웃음)
이 (결혼사진을 보여주며) 혼인청에서 예물 교환을 하는데, 우린 작은 천사 조각상을 하나씩 주고받았어요. 수호천사죠.(웃음) 30년간 서로 의지하고 배려하고 보호해준다는 마음에서 살았는데 결혼 뒤 그런 마음이 더 강해진 것 같아요.
김 동성과 이성 간의 결혼 생활은 조금 다른 것 같아요. (수현은) 때로는 언니 같고 때로는 친구 같고 때로는 할머니 같고. 좋은 파트너예요. 내가 해봐서 하는 말이 아니라, 어디 사람이든 누굴 사랑하든 인격적으로 서로 존중할 수 있는 사회가 되면 참 좋을 것 같아요.
―결혼하고 달라진 점이 있다면요?
이 결혼 뒤 병원이나 공공기관에서 당당하게 “가족입니다”라고 얘기하고 대신 일을 처리하거나 병실에 자연스레 들어가서 보살필 수 있게 됐어요. 많은 것이 달라졌죠. 세월이 그저 번개처럼 지나갔을 뿐이에요.
이수현씨는 독일에서 매년 퀴어퍼레이드에 참석했다. 잡채와 동그랑땡을 만들어 성소수자 친구들과 즐기면서 자연스럽게 지내는 것에 익숙하다. 얼마 전 오래 함께 일했던 남자 간호사가 동성 연인과 결혼을 했다며 신나는 피로연 장면을 핸드폰으로 보여주었다. 독일 성소수자 커뮤니티에 친숙한 이수현씨지만, 그 또한 한국의 가족들을 생각하면 마음이 편치만은 않았다. 이수현씨는 “(자신의 커밍아웃과 결혼이) 한국에 있는 가족에게 폐가 되지 않을까 걱정했지만, 지금은 홀가분하고 마음이 가볍다”고 말했다. 이번에 두 사람은 이수현씨 부모님 산소를 찾아 큰절을 했다. 친지들은 뜻밖에 오래전부터 어느 정도 두 사람의 관계를 눈치채고 있었노라고 했다.
독일 신학대학에서 공부할 때 목사복을 입은 모습. 김인선, 나무연필 제공
동행과 죽음
갯마을의 11남매 대가족 틈에서 활발하게 자란 이수현씨와 달리 김인선씨의 어린 시절은 답답하고 혼란스러웠다. 그는 일본에서 유학하고 신문기자로 일하던 인텔리 신여성 어머니와 경남 마산의 부잣집 아들인 색소포니스트 아버지 사이에서 태어났다. 유부남 아버지는 미혼인 어머니를 속였고, 어머니는 뱃속의 아이를 유산하려고 안 해본 일이 없었다. 가까스로 태어난 어린 인선의 생애를 붙든 건 외할머니였다. 독일인과 결혼해 외국으로 떠난 어머니는 딸을 조카라고 속여 독일에 초청했지만 데리고 사는 건 아니었다. 22살의 나이에 수녀원에서 주경야독하면서 겨우 독일에 정착한 김인선씨는 한인교회에서 소개로 만난 한 남자와 1984년 결혼했고, 어머니는 그런 딸의 결혼과 이혼을 모두 완강하게 반대하고 비난했다. 말년의 어머니는 지독하게 미워하던 딸과 그 동반자의 살뜰한 보살핌 속에 세상을 떠났다. 마침내 어머니는 딸에게 사과했다고 한다. “미안하다. 이제 좋은 짝을 만났으니 변치 않고 잘 살아라. 나는 나 자신을 위해서 살았지만 그것도 별것 아니더라. 너는 남을 위해서 살기로 했으니까 잘 해보아라.”
2001년 호스피스 활동을 시작한 김인선씨는 2004년 호스피스 지도자로서 자격증을 취득하고 2005년 6월 독일에서 세상을 떠나는 이방인들을 돌보는 단체인 ‘동행-이종문화간의 호스피스’를 설립했다. 독일 최초의 이종문화 간 호스피스 단체였다.
이수현(왼쪽)·김인선씨의 젊은 시절. 각각 33살, 31살 때다. 부산국제영화제 누리집
김 처음부터 저희 어머님이 많이 도와주셨어요. “네가 성장하는 동안 해준 게 너무 없으니 지금이라도 경제적으로 보탬이 되면 좋겠다”고 하셨죠.
이 어머니가 저희 활동을 굉장히 좋아하셨고 자랑스러워하셨어요. 미안하셨던지 돌아가실 때까지 대소변은 딸이 못 받게 하셔서 제가 수발했어요. 2007년 어머니 돌아가신 다음날이 ‘동행’에서 자선 음악회를 하는 날이었어요. 둘이 흰옷을 입고 참석해 행사를 무사히 마친 다음 마이크 잡고 말했죠. “어제 저녁 6시에 저희 어머님이 돌아가셨습니다”라고요.
‘동행’을 위해 이수현씨는 노후자금을 내놓았고, 김인선씨는 생명보험을 헐었다. 모두 5만유로, 지금 환율로 7000만원이 넘는 거액이다. 단체는 2008년 앙겔라 메르켈 독일 총리에게 감사패를 받았고 한국에서도 2010년 비추미 여성대상 등 많은 상찬을 받았다. 하지만 후원과 회비만으로는 재정적 어려움이 컸고 결국 2009년 파산신고를 했다. 노후자금이 다 들어갔지만 두 사람 모두 “후회는 없다”고 했다.
다행히 독일 휴머니즘협회 베를린지부에서 새 호스피스 단체를 만들어달라는 제안을 해왔다. 그렇게 2009년 4월 ‘동반자-이종문화간의 호스피스’라는 단체를 설립했다. 하지만 삶의 숙제는 끝나지 않았다. 김인선씨가 유방암 3기 진단을 받은 것이다. 이것도 끝이 아니었다. 자서전을 집필하고 영화를 찍으며 지내던 2019년, 다시 난관이 찾아왔다. 이번엔 자궁암이었다. 무수한 죽음을 만나고, 자신의 죽음을 놓고도 깊게 숙고했을 김인선씨의 결론은 무엇일까.
2019년 6월1일 서울퀴어문화축제에 참석한 김인선씨. <한겨레> 자료사진
―잘 죽으려면 어떡해야 하나요?
김 잘 사는 게 잘 죽는 것이에요. 매일매일 매 순간 삶의 마지막인 것처럼요. 내가 기뻐하는 일을 하는 것, 나의 행복을 찾는 것이 중요해요. 자신과 대화하는 사람은 내가 지금 행복한지 불행한지, 누가 나를 지금 힘들게 하고 있는지 정확하게 알죠. 울분을 다스리게도 되고요. 스스로 관찰을 해서 나를 찾는 일이 굉장히 중요합니다.
―임종기의 환자들은 어떻게 위로하세요?
김 ‘어떻게 삶을 마감하고 싶으냐’고 물어보면 ‘아직까지 생각 안 했다’는 사람이 대부분이에요. 누구나 죽음에 대한 공포가 있어요. 그럴 때 “나는 독일에서 살지만 수장을 해서 한국으로 띄워 보내줬으면 좋겠다고 생각한다”면서 제 얘기를 먼저 꺼내요. 이렇게 대화가 조금씩 풀리죠. 호스피스는 환자의 상황을 예민하게 판단해야 해요. 중요한 건 그 사람에게 휩쓸리면 안 된다는 거죠. 내가 같이 죽어줄 수는 없거든요. 나를 지켜야 되는 거예요.
이 호스피스 얘기를 하니 눈이 반짝반짝하네.(웃음)
할머니처럼, 언니처럼, 친구처럼 이수현씨는 김인선씨를 예민하게 보살폈다. 추울세라 등 뒤로 점퍼를 덮어주었다.
부산국제영화제 상영작 <두사람> 주인공 김인선가 24일 오후 서울 금천구청옆 소공원에서 사진촬영을 하고 있다. 이정용 선임기자 lee312@hani.co.kr
다시 태어나도 같은 삶
김인선씨는 배움에 대한 갈망이 컸다. 보훔대학교 신학부를 나와 2003년 베를린 훔볼트대학에서 신학 석사학위를 받았다. 오래전부터 목사가 되어 한인 여성을 돕고 한인 1세와 정체성 혼란을 겪는 한인 2세의 간극을 좁히는 일을 하고 싶었다. 하지만 결국 목사가 되지는 못했다. 목사 시험에서 좋은 성적을 거뒀지만 석연찮게 합격하지 못한 것이다. 성적 지향 때문이라 짐작만 할 뿐이다. 자서전에서 김인선씨는 “나는 난관이 있다고 해서 그 불행 가운데 나를 내버려두지 않았다”고 썼다. <내게 가장 소중한 것은 나 자신이었다>라는 책 제목은 김인선씨 인생 전체를 상징하는 말과도 같다. 소설가 조선희씨는 이 책을 두고 “진흙뻘에서 장미가 피어나는 이야기, 진화하는 삶, 끊임없이 스스로를 업그레이드시키는 라이프스토리”라고 말했다.
―다시 태어난다면요?
김 똑같은 삶을 살았을 것 같아요. 힘든 때도 많았지만 재미있는 것도 많았거든.(웃음) 내 마음대로, 내가 선택하고, 나중에 후회를 하더라도 내가 한 일이니까 되도록 긍정적으로 보자, 그렇게 생각해요.
이 인생에 양면이 있다니까요. 내 경우엔 어려서 거의 막내로 자라면서 허리가 다 꼬부라진 엄마한테서 그걸 배웠어요. 우리 나이가 되니까 무슨 일이 발생하더라도 아무리 나쁜 일이 일어나도 돌이켜 보면 어떤 면은 참 좋았다고 생각돼요.
―두 분이 간호사로 일할 땐 성추행을 당하기도 했다고요.
이 너무 순진했기 때문에 환자들이 ‘흑심’을 가졌다는 생각을 전혀 안 한 거야. 예를 들어서 혈압을 재느라 “손을 줘보세요” 하면 그냥 손이 여기(가슴)까지 와. 독일 간호사들한테는 그런 일이 없었어요.
―그래도 독일에서 많은 것을 배우셨어요.
김 야간고등학교를 졸업하고 간호사가 되고, 디아코니세(개신교 여성 전문 섬김직), 신학 석사, 문화중재자, 슈퍼바이저, 호스피스 팀장이 되었어요. 일하면서 공부할 수 있도록 독일 사회가 기회를 준 것이죠.
―한국 가부장제가 외면한 김인선을 독일 사회가 거두고, 이수현이 키운 것 같아요. 뒷바라지한 분의 공로가 크십니다.
이 할머니 역할을 조금 했을 뿐이에요. 뭐 하나라도 챙겨 먹이고 싶고 편하게 해주고 싶은 마음이죠. 제가 이 친구 삶을 아니까 애잔하고 마음이 아파요. 목사가 안 됐을 때 나도 낙심천만이었지만 호스피스로서 우리는 더 많은 일을 했어요. 그것도 인생의 양면성이죠.
영화 <두 사람>(감독 반박지은)의 한 장면. 이수현씨가 파독 당시 자신의 모습을 가리키고 있다. 부산국제영화제 누리집
역사의 수레바퀴 속에서
‘동행’에는 이들처럼 역사의 수레바퀴 아래 고통받은 사람들이 모여들었다. 한국, 인도, 베트남, 필리핀, 파키스탄, 튀르키예 등에서 온 이주민들이 호스피스 자원봉사자 교육을 받았고 고향 사람들의 이 세상 마지막 길을 동행했다. 전쟁통에 이주한 베트남인들도 독일에서 많은 고초를 겪었다. 동독은 1950년대부터 북베트남 출신 저임금 노동자들을 연수생으로 초청했지만 통일 독일은 이들에게 합법적 체류 자격을 주지 않았다.
이 북베트남 사람들은 경제적으로 많이 어려웠고 배움도 부족했어요. 저희들한테도 “따이안, 따이안”(대한, 대한)이라면서 굉장히 무서워했죠. 그들을 생각하면 지금도 마음이 아프고, (잘못이 있다면) 사죄하는 마음도 있고 늘 애잔해요. 제가 본 가장 비참했던 죽음은 베트남 엄마하고 아들이 독일로 피난을 와서 사는 경우였어요. 베트남인 예비 며느리가 형편없는 집 거실에 누워 있는데, 배가 동산만 해가지고 오늘내일하는 거예요. 그 옆에는 시어머니 될 사람이 돌아가시려고 오늘내일하더라고. 정말 기가 막혔어요. 어쩌면 이럴 수가 있을까…. 결국은 돌아가셨죠. 필리핀, 타이에서 온 결혼이주여성들도 독일에서 고통받는 경우가 많습니다. 시리아 난민으로 오신 분들 텐트에도 찾아가서 저희가 목사님 도움을 받아가며 음식을 끓여주고 지원을 해주었죠.
김 우리가 외국인이니까, 남의 일 같지 않았죠.
―이젠 파독 간호사나 광부분들도 많이 돌아가셨죠?
이 그럼요. 이제 교포신문 한 면이 부고로 꽉 차요.
―두분의 파란만장한 이야기로도 지면이 꽉 찰 것 같습니다. 독자들께 꼭 해주고 싶은 말씀은요?
김 내 삶의 주인공은 나다. 내가 어떻게 하느냐에 따라서 행복과 불행도 결정된다고 생각해요. 되도록 밝게, 다른 사람한테 조금이라도 웃음을 줄 수 있는 그런 삶이면 좋겠다고 생각합니다. 그리고 정말 하고 싶은 일이 있으면 가능한 한 오늘 하자. 내일이 안 올 수도 있으니까요.
이 이런저런 얘기 다 하려면 밤을 새워야 돼. 어때, 오늘 시간 좀 괜찮으세요?(웃음)
이수현(왼쪽), 김인선씨가 햇살 속으로 걸어 가고 있다. 이정용 선임기자 lee312@hani.co.kr
이유진 선임기자 frog@hani.co.kr
45 Years review – a very stylish marriage | 45 Years | The Guardian
Show captionMark Kermode's film of the week
45 Years review – a very stylish marriage
Tom Courtenay and Charlotte Rampling are at the top of their game in this compelling drama of lost love and missed opportunity
Mark Kermode, Observer film critic
@KermodeMovie
Sun 30 Aug 2015
Superbly nuanced performances from Charlotte Rampling and Tom Courtenay and exquisite direction by Andrew Haigh, who also co-wrote the film, turn an apparently everyday story of a marriage in quiet crisis into something rather extraordinary. A subtle examination of the persistence of the past and the fragile (in)stability of the present, this is a portrait of a rock-solid relationship facing a fissure that cuts to its very core in the runup to the titular wedding anniversary.
The source material is David Constantine’s enigmatic short story In Another Country, in which an ageing married man receives a letter telling him that the body of his previous girlfriend has been found, perfectly preserved in the ice of the Alps where she fell 50 years ago. This news gets a chilly reception from his wife, who is alarmed by the frozen spectre of a former love. “Into the little room came a rush of ghosts,” writes Constantine, the vision of “my Katya”, who has aged not a day since her death, creating an icy fracture as tangible as that into which the poor soul tripped and fell all those years ago.Charlotte Rampling: ‘You can’t fool an audience with lots of bits and pieces. You have to lead them somewhere’
From the kaleidoscopic shards of this slender story, Haigh, who describes 45 Years as a “companion piece” to 2011’s affectionate Weekend, wrings a tale of remarkable complexity, depth and darkness. While accepting that she can hardly resent a relationship that happened before they met, Rampling’s watchful Kate struggles to make sense of her childless marriage in the new knowledge of this perfectly preserved interloper. As for Courtenay’s bamboozled Geoff, the discovery of Katya’s body turns him into a man out of time (“She looks like she did in 1962 and I look like this”), his spirit spiralling back toward distant youth, his memories clearer and more vivid than his foggy-eyed vision of the present.
The dialogue is naturalistic and the Norfolk Broads setting melancholic (its flatness in stark contrast to Geoff’s former Alpine adventures), yet there is something steely that lies beneath – a touch of Michael Haneke’s frost. The days are chaptered like a crime thriller and more than once I was reminded of the secrets and lies of Caché, Geoff furtively slipping into the attic in search of buried mementoes, Kate threatened by photo slides revealing the chasmic depths of her husband’s past. Ironically, it is the honesty with which Geoff answers his wife’s questions (“Would you have married her?”) that gives Kate cause to doubt him. Meanwhile, the diegetic musical choices tell a sinister tale of their own; after describing how he suspected their Alpine guide of flirting with his girlfriend, Geoff leads Kate around the living room to the tune of Stagger Lee, its themes of quarrelling and murder unabated by Lloyd Price’s upbeat treatment. (The Turtles’s Happy Together and the Moody Blues’ Go Now also provide arch romantic commentary.)
Amid the suspicion there is tenderness too, an abortive bash at lovemaking depicted with a frank and gentle quality that speaks volumes about the couple’s shared sexual past. These are characters whose history is alive in every glance and gesture, Haigh and cinematographer Lol Crawley (shooting on 35mm) favouring lengthy two-shots in which either partner may drift in or out of frame, allowing the performances to breathe in unedited takes. There’s no room to hide, and Courtenay and Rampling are at the top of their game throughout, drawing us into their hopes and fears even as we watch them from a distance. Rampling in particular is a symphony of physical cries and whispers, her worried eyes and strained smiles choreographed with breath-taking precision, her face falling as slowly as the melting ice with which Geoff becomes so obsessed.
Like the final shot of The Long Good Friday, which lingers upon Bob Hoskins’s face as he revisits the events that brought him to this sorry pass, 45 Years shows us the past materialising in the expressions of those trapped in the present, staring into an uncertain future. As Geoff and Kate dance to the Platters’ plaintive Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, we see their history laid bare, well-rehearsed moves made unfamiliar, embraces separated by distance – physical and temporal. Viewers will decide for themselves what the film’s parting shot means (another Hanekean trope), but I suspect most will agree about the haunting quality of this deceptively simple and richly disorienting glance into the abyss.
2022/10/28
Becoming Myself: a psychiatrist’s memoir eBook : Yalom, Irving
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Becoming Myself: a psychiatrist’s memoir Kindle Edition
by Irvin D. Yalom (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
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The must-read new memoir from one of psychiatry’s most important figures.
Irvin D. Yalom has made a career of investigating the lives of others. In this profound memoir, he turns his writing and his therapeutic eye upon himself. He opens his story with a nightmare: He is twelve, and is riding his bike past the home of an acne-scarred girl. Like every morning, he calls out, hoping to befriend her, ‘Hello, Measles!’ But in his dream, the girl’s father makes Yalom understand that his daily greeting has hurt her. For Yalom, this was the birth of empathy; he would not forget the lesson.
As Becoming Myself unfolds, we see the development of the compassionate and insightful thinker whose books have been a beacon to so many. This is not simply one man's life story — Yalom’s reflections on his life and growth are an invitation for us to reflect on the origins of our own selves and the meanings of our lives.
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Book Description
The must-read new memoir from one of psychiatry's most important figures. --This text refers to the paperback edition.
About the Author
Irvin D. Yalom is emeritus professor of psychiatry at Stanford University School of Medicine. The author of two definitive psychotherapy textbooks, Dr Yalom has written several books for the general reader, including Love's Executioner, Staring at the Sun, Creatures of a Day, and Becoming Myself; and the novels When Nietzsche Wept; The Schopenhauer Cure, and The Spinoza Problem. Dr Yalom lives in Palo Alto and San Francisco, California. --This text refers to the paperback edition.
Review
Wonderful, compelling and as insightful about its subject and about the times he lived in as you could hope for. A fabulous read (Abraham Verghese, author of Cutting for Stone)
Irvin D. Yalom is the psychiatrist who thinks like a philosopher and writes like the fine novelist he also happens to be. Becoming Myself delivers not only the engrossing story of one exceptional individual's life, it shines with revelations regarding life as it ought to be lived (Rebecca Newberger Goldstein, author of Plato at the Googleplex: Why Philosophy Won't Go Away)
This is a book to read and reread for years to come, a memorable journey through Yalom's time and ours (Jay Parini, author of The Last Station and New and Collected Poems: 1975-2015)
A candid, insightful memoir by one of the world's most important and accomplished experts on the human soul (Daniel Menaker, author of The Treatment and My Mistake: A Memoir) --This text refers to an alternate kindle_edition edition.
Review
One of the Guardian's best books of 2017
Becoming Myself offers a rich exploration of some of the author's favorite themes with a rare honesty, openness and generosity... But it is in the way Yalom weaves together insights and recommendations about therapeutic praxis that he is most compelling. His ideas about therapy and technique build upon a child-like curiosity and unquenchable thirst for learning about the human condition. The medium for delivery is Yalom's brilliant story-telling...and the result is a treasure trove of gems about how we can best create the kind of connection and impact that foster satisfaction and success for our patients, as well as for ourselves.--American Journal ofPsychoanalysis
Fans of this eloquent and introspective author will welcome this innermost chronicle of his history, passions, and the keys to unlocking a fruitful life.--Kirkus Reviews
I loved reading Becoming Myself, having been a huge fan of Irvin D. Yalom for many years. This is the book we've been waiting for from him, his own deep journey into the self.... This is a book to read and reread for years to come, a memorable journey through Yalom's time and ours.--Jay Parini, author of The Last Station and New and Collected Poems: 1975-2015
I've always wondered, as any reader would wonder, about the author, about the balance between the professional and the personal and how out of that alchemy the writing emerged. Finally, in Becoming Myself, we have the answer, and it is wonderful, compelling, and as insightful about its subject and about the times he lived in as you could hope for. A fabulous read.--Abraham Verghese, author of Cutting for Stone
In 40 chapters, from 'The Birth of Empathy' to 'A Novice at Growing Old, ' the author writes with authority, energy, and humility.... An honest, engaging, and rewarding autobiography. For Yalom's admirers and those interested in the philosophy of psychology and memoirs.--Library Journal, starred review
Irv Yalom is the psychiatrist who thinks like a philosopher and writes like the fine novelist he also happens to be. Becoming Myself delivers not only the engrossing story of one exceptional individual's life. It shines with revelations regarding life as it ought to be lived.--Rebecca Newberger Goldstein, author of Plato at the Googleplex: Why Philosophy Won't Go Away
Near the end of Becoming Myself, Irvin Yalom claims to be 'a novice at growing old'--to which I say, 'Oh, please!--you're as good at it as you have been at everything else.' This is a candid, insightful memoir by one of the world's most important and accomplished experts on the human soul.--Daniel Menaker, author of The Treatment and My Mistake: A Memoir
Part memoir, part diary, and part teaching tool, Yalom's autobiography is revealing, inspiring, and moving. It is well written and well organized....Yalom's warm personality permeates the pages...[a] delightful memoir.--Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy
When Yalom publishes something--anything--I buy it, and he never disappoints. He's an amazing storyteller, a gorgeous writer, a great, generous, compassionate thinker, and--quite rightly--one of the world's most influential mental healthcare practitioners.--Nicola Barker, Guardian
Wise and warm, this memoir recounts a life well lived.--Campus Circle --This text refers to an alternate kindle_edition edition.
From the Inside Flap
Irvin D. Yalom has made a career of investigating the lives of others. In Becoming Myself, his long-awaited memoir, he turns his therapeutic eye on himself, delving into the relationships that shaped him and the groundbreaking work that made him famous.
The first-generation child of immigrant Russian Jews, Yalom grew up in a lower-class neighbourhood in Washington DC. Determined to escape its confines, he set his sights on becoming a doctor. An incredible ascent followed: we witness his start at Stanford Medical School amid the cultural upheavals of the 1960s, his turn to writing fiction as a means of furthering his exploration of the human psyche and his rise to international prominence.
Yalom recounts his revolutionary work in group psychotherapy and how he became the foremost practitioner of existential psychotherapy, a method that draws on the wisdom of great thinkers over the ages. He reveals the inspiration for his many seminal books, including Love's Executioner and When Nietzche Wept, which meld psychology and philosophy to arrive at arresting new insights into the human condition. Interweaving the stories of his most memorable patients with personal tales of love and regret, Becoming Myself brings readers close to Yalom's therapeutic technique, his writing process and his family life.
In this, his final work, Yalom finds wisdom in a line from Charles Dickens: 'For, as I draw closer and closer to the end, I travel in the circle nearer and nearer to the beginning'. Following Yalom back to his beginnings is an invitation to travel nearer to our own, and the opportunity will stand as one of his most profound gifts.--This text refers to an alternate kindle_edition edition.
From the Back Cover
'I have been a Yalom fan for the longest time - I always admired the deftness of his stories, the insights that came out of his obvious compassion and love for his characters. Of course psychiatrists are expected to have such insights, but it's not the rule that they can convey that as beautifully as Yalom does in his fiction. I've always wondered, as any reader would wonder, about the author, about the balance between the professional and the personal, and how out of that alchemy the writing emerged. Finally, in Becoming Myself, we have the answer and it is wonderful, compelling and as insightful about its subject and about the times he lived in as you could hope for. A fabulous read' - Abraham Verghese, author of Cutting for Stone
'Irvin D. Yalom is the psychiatrist who thinks like a philosopher and writes like the fine novelist he also happens to be. Becoming Myself delivers not only the engrossing story of one exceptional individual's life, it shines with revelations regarding life as it ought to be lived' - Rebecca Newberger Goldstein, author of Plato at the Googleplex; Why Philosophy Won't Go Away
'I loved reading Becoming Myself, having been a huge fan of Irvin D. Yalom for many years. This is the book we've been waiting for from him, his own deep journey into the self. This intimate and vivid narrative should, in fact, help readers to interrogate their own lives: Yalom shows us what an unflinching, clear-eyed self-analysis might look like. This is a book to read and reread for years to come, a memorable journey through Yalom's time and ours' - Jay Parini, author of The Last Station and New and Collected Poems: 1975-2015
'Near the end of Becoming Myself, Irvin Yalom claims to be "a novice at growing old" - to which I say, "Oh, please! - you're as good at it as you have been at everything else". This is a candid, insightful memoir by one of the world's most important and accomplished experts on the human soul' - Daniel Menaker, author of The Treatment and My Mistake: A Memoir--This text refers to an alternate kindle_edition edition.
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4.7 out of 5 stars 743 ratings
Irvin D. Yalom
Professor of Psychiatry at Stanford University. Author of nonfiction psychiatry texts, novels, and books of stories. Currently in private practice of psychiatry in Palo Alto and San Francisco, California.
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DissidentPhoenix
5.0 out of 5 stars EnjoyableReviewed in Australia 🇦🇺 on 24 December 2017
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I have read several of Yalom's books in the past and love them. His lessons have enriched my own work as a therapist greatly. It's interesting to read his memoir. I feel that he has had a very fortunate life, full of kindness. Even his mother who seems very close to an antagonist with her harshness and disapproval also worked hard to give Yalom the life he led. I can't help but wonder how a more traumatic life may have impacted such a gentle and thoughtful soul as Yalom. We'll never know and I think I'm glad of that.
I was also pleased and interested to read his musings about some of his previous work, especially an earlier story in which he worked with an overweight patient. Some might criticize this memoir and say that little seemed to happen, or complain that Yalom spent much time describing his professional life. I don't think those things are really worth criticizing. It's obvious to me that his career has been a large part of his life. I also don't imagine that he's someone who would seek to dramatize his family life too much. This isn't a juicy 'tell all' and I respect that.
As I read, I could imagine myself in conversation with Irv. I think I'd enjoy the experience.
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Linda Crawford
4.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating insight into therapy and therapistsReviewed in Australia 🇦🇺 on 14 August 2018
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I found this book insightful. I have very little experience of therapy and none of psychotherapy and found the autobiography an insight into psychotherapy and the people who seek this therapy to work through the problems they face in life. I wonder whether anglo-saxons use therapy much and this book makes me think maybe we should!
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John Falcon
5.0 out of 5 stars Great narrative of a soulful journey.Reviewed in Australia 🇦🇺 on 17 November 2017
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Great narrative of a soulfil journey. As a psychotherapist myself, I hear the gift our clients offer us. An inspiration for the meaning of life.
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Hande Z
5.0 out of 5 stars Seeing through the veilReviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on 12 February 2018
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There are three qualities that make a memoir memorable. First, it must have a good story to tell. Secondly, it must be well told. Thirdly, it has to be an honest account. So far as the third of these is concerned, we will not know if Yalom had not been truthful; but reading it, there is nothing that suggests that he had misrepresented anything, nor was there any obvious attempt to withhold some crucial part. Hence, judging it by the first two criteria, it is possible to award this book less than five stars only if one is disdainful of psychiatry in general, and psycho-analysis in particular. But, I think that even so, if one has the patience to read through, one might become a convert.
Yalom tells his life story, from the memories of his childhood, to his reflections on growing old - he's now 85. He laced his accounts with attempts to analyse himself, sharing his personal analysis with the world, inviting each of his readers to do the same with their lives; and importantly, guiding them, teaching them, just how to do so. He has incredible stories and analysis. One of my favourites is his account of his meeting with Victor Frankl, the author of 'The Meaning of Life'. Yalom had reached out to him seeking help with his own, growing anxieties, only to find Frankl to be an ego maniac. Years later, reading and thinking about Frankl again, Yalom realised Frankl's true greatness.
The themes underlying this book are memory and its recollection; the distortion of what comes through when we recall past events; the types of psychiatric techniques and an assessment of how they function; and finally, the influence of Marilyn (Yalom's wife), literature, and existentialism (in that order) on Yalom's life. The most important subject of the book, perhaps, is death, and how we can deal with its inevitability. His reflections and study of death cuts across all the three broad themes.
After having enjoyed the book, I listened to the audio cd version read by Peter Berkrot, and found hints of egoism in the book that I had only sensed lightly when I read the book. Perhaps it could be the tone and manner of Berkrot’s reading. There are too many instances in which a less excited and self-satisfying tone may not have the effect of a self-conscious speaker. Perhaps Berkrot’s style might be suitable for a biography. Should he have been more conscious of the fact that he was reading an autobiography – that he was speaking as Dr Yalom, and not about Dr Yalom; but this does not detract from the five-star quality of the book
Yalom says that Roth's book, 'The Radetsky March' is the one book he will keep forever on his shelf as one that he will read over and over again. 'Becoming Myself' may itself become our Radetsky March
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Sol
5.0 out of 5 stars Read this review before you buy!!! If you find it useful please give me a thumbs upReviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on 16 December 2017
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Amazing read. A must for any training therapists. As a training psychotherapist I have found Yalom to be a true inspiration. He is freakishly honest in his writing and his writing style makes for a very easy read. This is the kind of book that you pick up and do not want to put back down, the kind about which you wish it will just go on forever. This book makes for a great bedtime read as the content is very light, yet it is so full with such great insight. Learning has never before been so easy and fun!
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N.S.
3.0 out of 5 stars A bit pompousReviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on 28 March 2018
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There is no doubting Yalom's gifts or worldly success, it was therefore quite superfluous for him to describe them quite so relentlessly. He seems to be rather lacking in self awareness and humour for someone of his calibre, but I suspect he may not be alone amongst his colleagues in this. He was however able to detect the pomposity and blind spots of Bettelheim and Frankl rather better than in himself. I agree with the other comments that more modesty would have made for a more engaging read. Still an interesting read, though, even if I liked him less after reading it.
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Marsha
5.0 out of 5 stars A thought provoking review of a life well livedReviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on 12 March 2018
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Having been an avid reader of Yalom, I was relishing reading his memoir. With the knowledge that he intended this memoir to be his last book, I suspected that would make it a more complex experience (both for him as writer and for me as reader). I often slow down when approaching the end of any of Irvin’s books, savoring the last pages and delaying the inevitable end. Knowing that this was intended to be his last book carried with it an in-built sense of loss from the outset as opposed to just at the end. Quite fitting then that Irvin provided this information publicly for his readers rather than shying away from it. Not only does that demonstrate the kind of transparency that he has long advocated in his therapeutic work, but it also serves as an example of a non-avoidant approach to an ending. To his readers then, not only to his patients, he is offering an opportunity to engage in something meaningful knowing that it will be finite. Irvin makes that choice himself not once, but many times throughout his life. Reflecting back through all his years of both group and individual work with terminally ill patients, we get to see the value in that choice for both him and his patients. In his personal life too, we get to see that the same choices are apparent. At 86, he has lost close friends, colleagues, family members and members of his unique leaderless support group of therapists. Irvin still chooses engagement over avoidance. Love and the accompanying loss win out each time over withdrawing from attachments in order to lessen the loss.
Given that he has dedicated much of his working life to philosophizing about such issues, “Becoming Myself” provides a unique opportunity to learn about what he knows about how events in his own life informed and fueled the evolution of these ideas. In life, as with most good stories, the early chapters often have a disproportionately large influence on the shape of what is to come. We learn that Irvin didn’t enjoy his life during childhood. With hardworking but uneducated immigrant parents living in squalor conditions, he faced constant threat as the only Jew amongst Christians and the only white kid in a black neighbourhood. He dreamed of a better life and of being rescued. He later marveled at the pride of self-creation but also acknowledged the inherent loss within that. With the luxury of hindsight, Irvin reflects back on his life and introduces us to a whole host of people who though not his primary carers, did serve as mentors to him without him knowing it fully at the time. The most significant of these being his wife Marilyn.
A pivotal moment in Irvin’s history was when he faced the full wrath of his mother at 14 years of age. His relationship with her was always fractious, but when his father awoke with severe chest pains, the blame was turned immediately on to him. He describes his mother shouting “you killed him”! The kindness of the visiting Doctor who relieved him instantly from that responsibility was a defining moment. Irvin knew from this point on that he would like to become a Doctor and have the power to deliver that same kind of comfort to others. The contrast between his mother’s lack of concern for him and the Doctors intuitive empathy set him on a career path whereby the ability to “empathise” would play centre stage indeed! This orientation was corroborated further during his own analysis when recounting this very episode in his life. The warm response that he received from his otherwise reserved and stony analyst, crystalized his position over empathy being as effective as any “interpretation” when treating patients. Of cause, the more Irvin developed and fine-tuned his ability to empathise with others, the more guilt he experienced over his earlier inability to empathise with his own parents predicaments whilst they were alive.
Later accounts in the memoir of his encounters with eminent therapist Viktor Frankl provide further opportunities for him to examine his relationship with empathy. We learn that timing also plays a big part in a person’s ability to be fully open to what they are hearing in any encounter. Irvin retrospectively noted how during his time spent with Viktor, he wasn’t ready to fully embrace and take on board the horror of Viktor’s stay in Auschwitz. He made a conscious note to himself when meeting other leading experts in the field to not miss that chance for a fuller more empathic meeting of minds. He was able to achieve this with Rollo May. Later still in the memoir, the issue re-appears again. This time Irvin discusses a life-long friend who had asked him to help write about his life experiences during the Nazi occupation of Budapest. Irvin was painfully aware that they were speaking of these experiences, 50 years into their friendship when they hadn’t done so until this point. His friend knew Irvin wasn’t ready to digest this information until then. With familiar integrity and ever growing empathic capacity, Irvin was able to turn both his friends experiences, together with something of their own friendship into an ebook novella.
Irvin continuously re-evaluates the validity of his approach to life, relationships and work. He has done this not only through research and clinical work, but via the characters in his many stimulating novels. This is where Irvin has really had free reign to creatively explore the big questions to the fullest. When first reading “The Schopenhauer Cure”, I fantasised about whether the dialogue between Julius and Philip was similar to one that would have gone on internally between Irvin and his shadow self. Irvin, like Philip and Schopenhauer is deeply intellectual but has also been uncomfortable in his own skin for periods of his life. Like his protagonists, he also remembers the tortures in adolescence of unfulfilled sex drive. This theme appears again in “Lying on the couch”. Ernest is an earnest man but still not invulnerable to the power of seduction. In his real life, Irvin tells us that his wife Marilyn’s book, “The history of the breast” was a nod to her husband’s fascination with the subject. I found myself thinking how useful writing may have been as an outlet for these explorations. Unlike with actors in a movie, the consequences of the dramas can remain safely on the page. In his actual life, Irvin has remained married and devoted.
I also imagined Nietzsche representing Julius interchangeably with Irvin at other times. Reading “Becoming Myself”, I hypothesized a Nietzsche versus Schopenhauer philosophical battle of the titans! If the ending of Irvin’s book was to be a battle of identifications between Schopenhauer’s perspective in one corner and Nietzsche’s in the other, I was pleased that Nietzsche’s perspective won. Whilst Schopenhauer concluded that “At the end of his life, no man if be sincere and in possession his faculties, would ever go through it again”, Nietzsche’s contrasting ”Was that life? Well then, once again”, resonated deeper with Irvin.
To engage with any book means at one level accepting the journey of a beginning, middle, and end. As with life, however, Irvin has illustrated how this is not a straight forward linear process. He describes the process of circling back more in old age. In much the same way, I was pleased to discover on finishing the book, that my fears about finishing the book were ameliorated when I found myself circling back many times to earlier chapters! Irvin draws our attention to the fact that different lessons can be gleaned from the same words depending on how ready we are to receive them. He also sheds light on how unreliable our own versions of reality are, even when talking about our own lives. He is mindful when recounting his own history, of how easy it is to construct stories. Indeed, we often end up remembering the constructed stories more easily than the actual events.
One of Irvin’s previous books was called “The gift of therapy”. Reading his memoir feels a lot like being given a gift, but this time it isn’t just the gift of therapy but the gift of human authenticity, from one human to another. Through his own accounts of key periods in his life, we get to see the wider context of what was going internally and externally as each book idea materialized. If you are a fan of his work, it is very satisfying to learn more about the process from conception to germination and to see his views on that process retrospectively. In addition, we are even treated to an imagined enactment of what the “him” now would say in conversation to his younger self. This was a real highlight of the memoir for me.
This book reveals a man who has actively participated in the joys of life and who has lived it fully. From his extensive travels around the world and his elected Sojourns, to his pleasure in life-long friendships and family, here is a man who has lived his life thoughtfully and consciously. His unconscious life (in the form of the many dreams he describes), equally informs him and adds to the quality of his conscious life. We learn that he has few regrets, but that even a life well lived will still have some sorrow in it that can’t go completely.
When I finished reading this memoir, I was surprised to realise that so much of what he explicitly describes about himself, already came across strongly from reading any one of his many enriching books and novels. So much of him is there, present, in any one piece of work.
The over-riding lasting feeling from this memoir is that of an opportunity being offered. For those of us who are not ready to stare straight into the sun, reading this book allows you to perhaps face it in fragments. Irvin has stared at the sun for a long time now, and he has not yet got burned! I feel that his ability to stare at the sun can sometimes be mistaken for an orientation towards it. In contrast, the memoir reveals a man heavily invested in life and the living of it.
He may have written his last book but I suspect he will still continue to write in one form or another, if he wants to. I look forward to reading anything further that he does write but I’m also very satisfied with the wealth of offerings here.
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Petrarch'sGirl
4.0 out of 5 stars Fantastic moments sprinkled within dull yarnsReviewed in the United Kingdom 🇬🇧 on 30 January 2021
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Yalom is obviously incredibly talented and prestigious in his field. The book starts off with some extremely vulnerable admissions which were insightful and very brave. Then it seems as he gets further stuck into his career he is merely listing off his achievements and accolades. This appears a bit detached and even odd compared to the vulnerability we see in the first quarter of the book. But despite this there are still many fascinating insights and tidbits and I would still very much recommend it as a read.
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A Beginner's Guide to Numerology: How to Find Your Life Path Number | Allure
ALLURE ASTROLOGY
Numerology Numbers: What Is Your Life Path Number?
Learn how you can use your birth date and name to easily determine your Life Path and Destiny Numbers.
BY December 1, 2021
Clara Hendler / Allure
Have you ever found yourself gazing at the clock at exactly 11:11? Or wondering why you so frequently meet people born on the same day of the month? Or why your lucky number shows up in the most unexpected places? Numerology numbers make up a powerful, sacred system that goes back thousands of years. Using that system, Life Path Numbers and Destiny Numbers — among other basic numerology principles — can be easily calculated. As a professional astrologer, I use the principles of numerology to add dimensionality to my work. Whether I'm working with a client or writing horoscopes, calculating numerology is an incredible enhancement to mystical study.
Just as your astrology birth chart contains powerful metaphysical insight — the planets and zodiac signs are connected to specific attributes — the teachings of numerology can also offer insight on personality, future events, and even life's greater purpose.
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Allure chatted with Ophi Edut of the AstroTwins about the relationship between astrology and numerology. "Numerology is an awesome companion to astrology. It helps clarify the sign by providing additional nuance," Ophi explains, adding that numerology enhances your understanding of self by revealing not just how you express yourself, but where you output your inherent energy. For instance: "Numerology reveals the age of your soul. If you're a Leo sun with an 8 Life Path, you know that the Leo nature is being filtered more internally than externally."
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Numerology is also a great tool for making sense of recurring digits. "With numerology, you can use specific pieces of information, such as a home address, to derive details," Ophi says. "You really start to see patterns everywhere."
Numerical repetition and synchronicity have been observed for thousands of years. Chaldean numerology is based on ancient Babylonian practices, and Kabbalistic studies of Jewish mysticism explore recurring digits within the Old Testament. In fact, many occultists believe that the appearance of 11:11 is connected to the tetragrammaton — the unpronounceable four-letter name for the God of Israel.
Numerology is an awesome companion to astrology — it helps clarify the sign by providing additional nuance.
The numerology most frequently practiced today is based on the teachings of the ancient Greek philosopher, Pythagoras. Pythagoras was a brilliant mathematician, but he wasn't just interested in quantitative solutions. He believed that the physical world was the amalgamation of the energetic vibrations of numbers, and developed a system that corresponded letters with integers. This practice was a study of numerical interconnectivity — the belief that everything is aligned through non-physical forces best articulated through numbers.
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I know, I know. Math can be intimidating. In fact, many are intimidated by numerology because, after one too many confusing tests in grade school, calculating digits isn't everyone's idea of a "good time." But I have great news: You don't need to be a math person to explore the magick of numerology. All it takes to start uncovering the mystical properties of numbers is a pen, paper, and some super simple arithmetic (or the nearest calculator).
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How do you calculate your Numerology Life Path Number?
The easiest way to start working with numerology is by analyzing your unique date of birth. Numerology is all about getting to the root number. To do this, you simply reduce digits until you reach a single-digit number, excluding 11 and 22, which are considered Master Numbers (more on this later). This single digit is your individual Life Path Number.
The Life Path Number is similar to your Sun Sign in astrology: It reveals your identity, including strengths, weaknesses, talents, and ambitions. Your Life Path Number also exposes the tone of your experiences, and why events occur past, present, and future. Simply put, it creates an organized, structured system that illuminates your lived experiences.
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Let's say your birthday is August 18, 1989. To calculate your Life Path Number, you will reduce each component of this date to a single digit:
The month, 8, remains a single digit = 8.
The date, 18, is reduced to 1 + 8 = 9.
The year, 1989, is reduced to 1 + 9 + 8 + 9. This equals 27. Then, 27 is reduced to 2 + 7 = 9.
Then, we add the reduced month, date, and year numbers (8 + 9 + 9) and arrive at 26. Finally, we add 2 + 6, and reach 8. If you were born on August 18, 1989, your Life Path Number is 8 (and you and I also share a birthday!).
It may seem daunting at first, but once you see it all written out this way, it becomes far less intimidating, right? Right!
What are Master Numbers in Numerology?
As mentioned above, the only time you would not reduce the final number is if you attain 11 or 22. These are considered Master Numbers and connote a more intensified version of their root numbers (2 and 4, respectively). Master Numbers suggest a powerful vibrational energy that is associated with learning, achievement, and success, but likely in a more stressful or higher-stakes context.
For instance, Sir Paul McCartney, perhaps England's most famous Gemini, was born on June 18, 1942. When this date is reduced (month = 6, day = 9, year = 7), the sum is 22. Rather than simplify this to a single digit (yielding 4), the number 22 reflects the Master Number — the higher-octane iteration of 4, revealing McCartney's strong "life mission."
How do you calculate your Destiny Number in Numerology?
You can also use numerology to derive the root number of names or words — this is where our ancient buddy Pythagoras offers some guidance. According to his theories, certain letters have specific numerical values, which are as follows:
1 = A, J, S
2 = B, K, T
3 = C, L, U
4 = D, M, V
5 = E, N, W
6 = F, O, X
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7 = G, P, Y
8 = H, Q, Z
9 = I, R
Using this technique, it's easy to find the root number associated with names, which numerologists refer to as your Destiny Number. To find your Destiny Number, calculate the root number of your full name (first, middle, last) by reducing each name to a single digit, and adding up the total.
For example, my full name reveals my Destiny Number: ALIZA (1 + 3 + 9 + 8 + 1 = 22, which becomes 2 + 2 = 4) KELLY (2 + 5 + 3 + 3 + 7 = 20, which becomes 2 + 0 = 2), resulting in a Destiny Number of 6 (because 4 + 2 = 7).
Whereas your Life Path reveals your greater purpose, your Destiny Number offers insight as to how you will express your greater goals. So, as a Life Path 8 person, my mission is to cultivate abundance, and I will express this through my Destiny Number 6: nurture, healing, and empathy. That definitely resonates!
Which Numerology numbers are most powerful?
So, now that you've calculated your Life Path Number and Destiny Number, it's time to find out what these digits really mean. Let’s take a closer look!
Number 1 (10/1, 19/1)
Just as Aries, the first sign of the zodiac, is about action and initiation, 1 is linked to forward motion in Numerology. 1 symbolizes a pioneering spirit, independent nature, and innate leadership capabilities. On a bad day, 1 can be a bit bossy or boastful, hiding any insecurities behind over-developed self-importance. 1 must remember that although it is first, it can very quickly become the loneliest number. Even the most autonomous 1s need the support of their friends, family, and lovers.
Number 2 (11/2, 20/2)
The number 2 is linked to sensitivity, balance, and harmony. Within numerology, the 2 vibration assumes the role of the mediator, creating harmony by bringing together dissonant forces through compassion, empathy, and kindness. 2 is linked to psychic abilities and intuition, and if this number appears as a Life Path or Destiny Number, the individual will be astute to subtle energy shifts and emotional nuances. Because 2 is so sensitive, it is very conflict-averse, and can end up feeling under-appreciated or unacknowledged. 2 must avoid seeking external validation and, instead, realize that perfect equilibrium needed already exists within.
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Number 3 (12/3, 21/3)
Communication is paramount for 3. Symbolically, 3 represents the output of two joined forces: It is the essence of creation. 3 is highly gifted at expression, seamlessly sharing innovative and pioneering concepts through art, writing, and oration. Your work inspires, motivates, and uplifts others, and 3 finds great joy making others smile. However, 3 is also known to be quite moody, and if 3 feels misunderstood, may withdraw entirely. The escapist tendencies of 3 are easily mitigated by practicing peaceful mindfulness: With such an active imagination, it’s important for 3 to find moments of quiet to reset, restore, and recharge.
Number 4 (13/4, 22/4, 31/4)
In numerology, 4 has an earthy-energy and is centered around fortifying its roots. 4 adamantly believes in the physical world and knows that investing in a solid infrastructure is necessary for building a lasting legacy. Practical, hardworking, and responsible, the vibration of the number 4 is focused on creating logical systems that can support scalable growth. There is a solidity to 4, however, that can quickly devolve into rigidity; 4 must remember that rules are meant to enhance, not inhibit. It’s easy for 4 to become stubborn, so 4 benefits from learning to loosen up and think outside the box. 4 will feel liberated and inspired by finding the bravery to take a few bold risks.
Number 5 (14/5, 23/5, 32/5)
Free-thinking, adventurous, and progressive, 5 is defined by freedom. 5 needs to experience the world by engaging its five senses: For 5, life lessons are acquired through spontaneous acts of bravery. Akin to Sagittarius energy within astrology, 5 is known for its playful, impulsive, and vivacious spirit. But on the other side of its signature joie de vivre, 5 can become restless and impatient. Since 5 is always seeking discovery, it has a difficult time accepting life’s day-to-day responsibilities — including professional and interpersonal commitments. 5 must remember that when it narrows its gaze, it will discover that the most rewarding exploration exists in its own backyard.
Number 6 (15/6, 24/6, 33/6)
6 is recognized for its nurturing, supportive, and empathic nature. A true healer, 6 has the ability to problem solve in both the emotional and physical realms, helping others through its straightforward, yet gentle, approach. 6 has a strong sense of responsibility and cares deeply for its friends, family, and lovers. This number also can easily communicate with children and animals, displaying a soft tenderness and caretaker spirit. But not everything needs to be parented, and sometimes 6’s protective energy can become domineering and controlling. To avoid carrying the world on its shoulders, 6 must learn to build trust and understanding for others: Simply put, everyone must follow their own unique path.
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Number 7 (16/7, 25/7, 34/7)
The detectives of numerology, 7 is known for its investigative abilities and analytical skills. Astrologically, the number 7 can be thought of as a blend of Virgo and Scorpio energy: 7 is extremely detail-oriented, but is driven by inner-wisdom as opposed to tangible realities. 7 has a keen eye, and its astute observations fuel a quick-witted, inventive spirit. Because it can quickly find the flaws in almost any system, 7 is a bit of a perfectionist. 7 will often assume fault, so it's important for this number to counterbalance its inherent skepticism with an open mind. Not everything will be foolproof — but that’s what makes life fun.
Number 8 (17/8, 26/8, 35/8)
8 is all about abundance. Within numerology, this number is linked to material wealth and financial success. Ambitious and goal-oriented, 8 can effortlessly assume leadership positions through its natural magnetism. 8 applies big-picture thinking to broaden its scope, racing up the top of any ladder to reach extraordinary heights. But with great power comes great responsibility: 8 breeds workaholics, and on a bad day, can become excessively controlling and possessive. However, its negative qualities can be lessened by giving back to the community. By using this success to help others, 8 realizes that there is nothing more valuable than contributing to the greater good.
Number 9 (18/9, 27/9, 36/9)
As the final single digit within numerology, 9 connotes an old soul. 9 is no stranger life's ups-and-downs of life — been there, done that. Accordingly, 9 can effortlessly synthesize large quantities of stimuli, psychically connecting the dots to form a cohesive whole. The mission for 9 is to reach its highest state of consciousness, and to help others also achieve this spiritual awareness. 9 isn't afraid to transform, and its malleable spirit inspires others to explore their own ranges of motion. Since 9, in many ways, has transcended the physical plane, it must constantly remember to anchor itself. 9 must learn to balance the abstract with the tangible, ultimately finding its place at the intersection of fantasy and reality.
Master Number 11 (11/2)
Master Number 11 revs up the energy of Number 2; its purpose is to heal the self and others through its elevated psychic abilities. Often, Master Number 11's intuitive gifts are a result of extreme life circumstances: Master Number 11 has no choice but to cultivate extrasensory talents. In numerology, Master Number 11 is connected to spiritual enlightenment, awareness, and philosophical balance.
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Master Number 22 (22/4)
Master Number 22, often referred to as the Master Builder, expands on the vibrations of Number 4. Master Number 22 is inspired to create platforms in the physical realm that transcend immediate realities — by fusing the tangible and intangible, Master Number 22 cultivates a dynamic long-term legacy. Master Number 22's skills are usually a byproduct of early childhood instability that fuels innovative thought. Industrious, creative, and dependable, Master Number 22 is always on a mission to transform.
Read more stories on astrology and the occult:The Personalities of a Libra, Scorpio, Aquarius, Cancer, and Virgo, According to P1Harmony
An Astrology Beginner's Guide to Understanding the Planets
Everything You Need to Know About Finding Your Twin Flame
I have the scoop on which sign you should date right here:
Find Aliza on Instagram, Twitter, and her website.
Aliza Kelly is a New York-based astrologer, occultist, and writer. She is the author of The Mixology of Astrology (Adams Media/Simon Schuster), Starring You: A Guided Journey Through Astrology (little bee books), and This Is Your Destiny (Macmillan) and hosts the weekly podcast, Stars Like Us. Her writing... Read more
Astrology Writer
KEYWORDSALLURE ASTROLOGYASTROLOGYBIRTH CHARTBIRTHDAYOCCULTISMOCCULTRELATIONSHIPSSIGNWELLNESSSERVICE
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Numerology - Wikipedia 수비학
Numerology
Numerology (also known as arithmancy) is the belief in an occult, divine or mystical relationship between a number and one or more coinciding events. It is also the study of the numerical value, via an alphanumeric system, of the letters in words and names. When numerology is applied to a person's name, it is a form of onomancy. It is often associated with the paranormal, alongside astrology and similar to divinatory arts.
Despite the long history of numerological ideas, the word "numerology" is not recorded in English before c. 1907.[2]
The term numerologist can be used for those who place faith in numerical patterns and draw inferences from them, even if those people do not practice traditional numerology. For example, in his 1997 book Numerology: Or What Pythagoras Wrought (Dudley 1997), mathematician Underwood Dudley uses the term to discuss practitioners of the Elliott wave principle of stock market analysis.
HistoryEdit
The practice of gematria, assigning numerical values to words and names and imputing those values with religious meaning, dates back to antiquity. An Assyrian inscription from the 8th century BC, commissioned by Sargon II. declares "the king built the wall of Khorsabad 16,283 cubits long to correspond with the numerical value of his name."[3] Rabbinic literature used gematria to interpret passages in the Hebrew Bible.
In 325 AD, following the First Council of Nicaea, departures from the beliefs of the state church were classified as civil violations within the Roman Empire. Numerology, referred to as isopsephy, remained in use in conservative Greek Orthodox circles.[citation needed]
The 6th century philosopher and mystic Pythagoras believed that numbers carried sacred codes and were divinely inspired and created.[citation needed]
Some alchemical theories were closely related to numerology. For example, Persian-Arab alchemist Jabir ibn Hayyan (died c. 806−816) framed his experiments in an elaborate numerology based on the names of substances in the Arabic language.[4]
Numerology is prominent in Sir Thomas Browne's 1658 literary Discourse The Garden of Cyrus. Throughout its pages, the author attempts to demonstrate that the number five and the related quincunx pattern can be found throughout the arts, in design, and in nature – particularly botany.[citation needed]
MethodsEdit
Learn more This article includes a list of general references, but it lacks sufficient corresponding inline citations. (September 2021) |
Alphanumeric systemsEdit
There are various numerology systems which assign numerical value to the letters of an alphabet. Examples include the Abjad numerals in Arabic, Hebrew numerals, Armenian numerals, and Greek numerals. The practice within Jewish tradition of assigning mystical meaning to words based on their numerical values, and on connections between words of equal value, is known as gematria.
Latin alphabet systemsEdit
There are various systems of numerology that use the Latin alphabet. Different methods of interpretation exist, including Chaldean, Pythagorean, Hebraic, Helyn Hitchcock's method, Phonetic, Japanese, Arabic and Indian.
Pythagorean methodEdit
In the so-called 'Pythagorean' method (which uses a kind of place-value for number-letter attributions, as does the ancient Hebrew and Greek systems), the letters of the modern Latin alphabet are assigned numerical values 1 through 9.[5]
Chaldean methodEdit
A lesser known method, more popular in the nineteenth and early twentieth century, is the so-called 'Chaldean' method; in this context, "Chaldean" is an old-fashioned name for the Aramaic languages. In the Chaldean method number 9 is not used in the calculations, at least in practice. It is left out because it is thought to be divine and sacred, and therefore unassignable.
This method is radically different from the Pythagorean (as well as both the ancient Greek and Hebrew systems) as letters are assigned values based on equating Latin letters with letters of the Hebrew alphabet in accordance with sound equivalents (then number associations being derived via its gematria) rather than applying the ancient system of place-value used by the Hebrew and Greek gematria (although 'place-value' is almost universally interpreted in the ancient world according to units, tens and hundreds, which nonetheless have the same digital root as place value); in consequence of this there are several slightly different versions, there being disagreements over some of the letter-sound equivalents (it doesn't help matters that the Hebrew alphabet has only twenty-two letters whilst the modern English alphabet has twenty-six).
Agrippan methodEdit
Heinrich Cornelius Agrippa applied the concept of arithmancy to the classical Latin alphabet in the 16th century in Three Books of Occult Philosophy. He mapped the letters as follows (in accordance with the Latin alphabet's place-value at that time):[6]
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
A | B | C | D | E | F | G | H | I |
10 | 20 | 30 | 40 | 50 | 60 | 70 | 80 | 90 |
K | L | M | N | O | P | Q | R | S |
100 | 200 | 300 | 400 | 500 | 600 | 700 | 800 | 900 |
T | V[a] | X | Y | Z | I[b] | V[c] | HI[d] | HV[e] |
Note that the letters U, J, and W were not commonly considered part of the Latin alphabet at the time.
English QaballaEdit
English Qaballa (EQ) refers to a system of Hermetic Qabalah that interprets the letters of the English alphabet via an assigned set of values developed by James Lees in 1976. Like most of the systems developed since the death of Aleister Crowley (1875-1947), it was created with the intent of gaining a better understanding of the mysteries elaborated in his inspired works, especially those in Liber AL vel Legis, the Book of the Law. According to Jake Stratton-Kent, "the English Qaballa is a qabalah and not a system of numerology. A qabalah is specifically related to three factors: one, a language; two, a 'holy' text or texts; three, mathematical laws at work in these two."[7][8]
Chinese numerologyEdit
Some Chinese assign a different set of meanings to the numbers and certain number combinations are considered luckier than others. In general, even numbers are considered lucky, since it is believed that good luck comes in pairs.
Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), and its associated fields such as acupuncture, base their system on mystical numerical associations, such as the "12 vessels circulating blood and air corresponding to the 12 rivers flowing toward the Central Kingdom; and 365 parts of the body, one for each day of the year" being the basis of locating acupuncture points.[9]
Other usesEdit
In scienceEdit
Scientific theories are sometimes labeled "numerology" if their primary inspiration appears to be a set of patterns rather than scientific observations. This colloquial use of the term is quite common within the scientific community and it is mostly used to dismiss a theory as questionable science.[citation needed]
The best known example of "numerology" in science involves the coincidental resemblance of certain large numbers that intrigued mathematical physicist Paul Dirac, mathematician Hermann Weyl and astronomer Arthur Stanley Eddington.[10] These numerical coincidences refer to such quantities as the ratio of the age of the universe to the atomic unit of time, the number of electrons in the universe, and the difference in strengths between gravity and the electric force for the electron and proton.[11] (See also Fine-tuned universe).
The discovery of atomic triads, an early attempt to sort the elements into some logical order by their physical properties, was once considered a form of numerology, and yet ultimately led to the construction of the periodic table. Here the atomic weight of the lightest element and the heaviest are summed, and averaged, and the average is found to be very close to that of the intermediate weight element. This did not work with every triplet in the same group, but worked often enough to allow later workers to create generalizations.[citation needed]
Wolfgang Pauli was also fascinated by the appearance of certain numbers, including 137, in physics.[12]
British mathematician I. J. Good wrote:
There have been a few examples of numerology that have led to theories that transformed society: see the mention of Kirchhoff and Balmer in Good (1962, p. 316) ... and one can well include Kepler on account of his third law. It would be fair enough to say that numerology was the origin of the theories of electromagnetism, quantum mechanics, gravitation.... So I intend no disparagement when I describe a formula as numerological.
When a numerological formula is proposed, then we may ask whether it is correct. ... I think an appropriate definition of correctness is that the formula has a good explanation, in a Platonic sense, that is, the explanation could be based on a good theory that is not yet known but 'exists' in the universe of possible reasonable ideas.[13]
In wireless communicationEdit
Wireless communication uses "numerology" to refer to "waveform parametrization, e.g., cyclic prefix, subcarrier spacing."[14]
See alsoEdit
- Biblical numerology – Use of numbers for their symbolic value in biblical texts
- Number of the beast – Number associated with the Beast of Revelation
- Numbers in Egyptian mythology
- Numbers in Norse mythology – Significant numbers in Norse mythology and Vikingism
- Numerology and the Church Fathers
- Significance of numbers in Judaism
- Synchromysticism – Belief system attributing meaning to coincidences
- Synchronicity – Jungian concept of the meaningfulness of acausal coincidences
ReferencesEdit
CitationsEdit
- ^ Valeri 1971.
- ^ "Home : Oxford English Dictionary". oed.com.
- ^ Luckenbill 1927, pp. 43, 65.
- ^ "Abū Mūsā Jābir ibn Ḥayyān | Muslim alchemist". Encyclopedia Britannica. Retrieved 17 January 2018.
- ^ Christie 2005, pp. 10–11.
- ^ Agrippa 1651, pp. 235–236.
- ^ Stratton-Kent 1988, p. 17.
- ^ Stratton-Kent 1988b.
- ^ Matuk 2006.
- ^ Gamow 1968.
- ^ Stenger 2004.
- ^ Falk 2009.
- ^ Good 1990, p. 141.
- ^ Zaidi et al. 2016.
Works citedEdit
Learn more This article lacks ISBNs for the books listed in it. (October 2022) |
- Agrippa, Heinrich Cornelius (1651) [1533]. Three Books of Occult Philosophy. Vol. 2. Translated by French, John. London: Gregory Moule. pp. 235–236.
- Christie, Anne (2005). Simply Numerology. New York: Sterling Publishing Company. ISBN 140272277X.
- Dudley, Underwood (1997). Numerology: Or, What Pythagoras Wrought. Mathematical Association of America.
- Falk, Dan (24 April 2009). "Cosmic numbers: Pauli and Jung's love of numerology". New Scientist (2705).
- Gamow, George (1 February 1968). "Numerology of the Constants of Nature". Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. 59 (2): 313–318. Bibcode:1968PNAS...59..313G. doi:10.1073/pnas.59.2.313. ISSN 0027-8424. PMC 224670. PMID 16591598.
- Good, I. J. (1990). "A Quantal Hypothesis for Hadrons and the Judging of Physical Numerology". In G.R. Grimmett; D.J.A. Welsh (eds.). Disorder in Physical Systems. Oxford University Press. ISBN 978-0198532156.
- Luckenbill, Daniel (1927). Ancient Records of Assyria and Babylonia. Vol. 2. University of Chicago Press.
- Matuk, Camillia (2006). "Seeing the Body: The Divergence of Ancient Chinese and Western Medical Illustration" (PDF). JBC. 32 (1) – via Northwestern.edu.
- Stenger, Victor (2004). "Is the Universe Fine-Tuned for Us?" (PDF). In Young, Matt; Edis, Taner (eds.). Why Intelligent Design Fails: A Scientific Critique of the New Creationism. Rutgers University Press. pp. 172–184. ISBN 978-0813538723. Archived from the original (PDF) on 16 July 2012 – via University of Colorado.
- Stratton-Kent, Jake (March 1988). "The English Qaballa". The Equinox: British Journal of Thelema. VII (1): 17–25. ISSN 0953-7015.
- Stratton-Kent, Jake (May 1988b). "What is a Qabalah?". The Equinox: British Journal of Thelema. VII (2): 59–61. ISSN 0953-7015.
- Valeri, Valerio (1971). "BONGO, Pietro in "Dizionario Biografico"". www.treccani.it (in Italian). Retrieved 13 January 2017.
- Zaidi, Ali A.; Baldemair, Robert; Tullberg, Hugo; Bjorkegren, Hakan; Sundstrom, Lars; Medbo, Jonas; Kilinc, Caner; Da Silva, Icaro (15 November 2016). "Waveform and Numerology to Support 5G Services and Requirements". IEEE Communications Magazine. 54 (11): 90–98. doi:10.1109/MCOM.2016.1600336CM. ISSN 1558-1896.
Further readingEdit
- Bullinger, E. W. (1921). Number in Scripture. Eyre & Spottiswoode (Bible Warehouse) Ltd. Archived from the original on 14 October 2011. Retrieved 26 February 2008 – via Philologos,org.
- Schimmel, Annemarie (1993). The Mystery of Numbers. New York: Oxford University Press. ISBN 0-87-516422-6.
External linksEdit
- Media related to Numerology at Wikimedia Commons
- Number symbolism on the Encyclopædia Britannica