Showing posts with label trauma. Show all posts
Showing posts with label trauma. Show all posts

2021/10/01

: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness : Damasio, Antonio

Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness : Damasio, Antonio: Amazon.com.au: Books




The publication of this book is an event in the making. All over the world scientists, psychologists, and philosophers are waiting to read Antonio Damasio's new theory of the nature of consciousness and the construction of the self. 

A renowned and revered scientist and clinician, Damasio has spent decades following amnesiacs down hospital corridors, waiting for comatose patients to awaken, and devising ingenious research using PET scans to piece together the great puzzle of consciousness. 

In his bestselling Descartes' Error, Damasio revealed the critical importance of emotion in the making of reason. 

Building on this foundation, he now shows how consciousness is created. Consciousness is the feeling of what happens-our mind noticing the body's reaction to the world and responding to that experience. Without our bodies there can be no consciousness, which is at heart a mechanism for survival that engages body, emotion, and mind in the glorious spiral of human life. 

A hymn to the possibilities of human existence, a magnificent work of ingenious science, a gorgeously written book, The Feeling of What Happens is already being hailed as a classic.


Product description

Review

Antonio Damasio has done it again! Writing for the layman as well as the scientist, he constructs a compelling solution to the problem of consciousness.--Victoria Fromkin, UCLA

This is an extraordinary book. I know of nothing like it.--Jerome Kagan, Harvard University
There is no simpler way to say this: read the book to learn who you are.--Jorie Graham, Poet and Pulitzer Prize Winner

Everyone will be talking about it; everyone will have to read it.--Patricia and Paul Churchland, UCSD

About the Author
ANTONIO DAMASIO is the David Dornsife Professor of Neuroscience and Director of the Brain and Creativity Institute at the University of Southern California. He is also an adjunct professor at the Salk Institute for Biological Studies in La Jolla. He is a member of both the Institute of Medicine of the National Academy of Sciences and the American Academy of Arts and Sciences. 
Descartes' Error was an international bestseller. 
The Feeling of What Happens is being translated into seventeen languages.

Product details
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Mariner Books; First edition (10 October 2000)
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 400 pages
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Top reviews from other countries
neville clay
5.0 out of 5 stars Paradigm-changing classic
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 25 June 2019
Verified Purchase
Hardly an accessible read, though more so than Descartes' Error, yet worth persevering with - for me, a densely detailed yet revelatory model of the arising and maintenance of the felt sense of self, and the most persuasive such model yet, which has (unspoken) parallels with much early Buddhist thought. That being the case, it's surprising that Damasio was so resistant to considering the effect of meditation on self-states.
3 people found this helpful
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Tasha
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 13 November 2019
Verified Purchase
Amazing book, no further explanation needed. If you're interested in the science and theories of consciousness you're going to enjoy Damasio's theory.
One person found this helpful
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Euphemia
5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 15 April 2018
Verified Purchase
Well worth reading and thinking about!
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Andrew E Johnson
4.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 11 February 2013
Verified Purchase
A very interesting hypothesis about how the conscious mind arises out of the brain. At times it felt too much like reading something from one of the old-school philosophers. Indeed Damasio even references some of them as if their non-scientific musings provide additional weight to his arguments, this a shame, but he does bring his work back to provide solid evidence for his hypothesis and suggests questions that other researchers could test in the future.
3 people found this helpful
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Batmon
5.0 out of 5 stars would def recommend
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 5 October 2017
Verified Purchase
This is master piece written in simple language. so interesting!would def recommend it
One person found this helpful

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The Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness
by António R. Damásio

really liked it 4.00  ·   Rating details ·  3,645 ratings  ·  93 reviews

Ahmad Sharabiani
Dec 09, 2019Ahmad Sharabiani rated it really liked it
Shelves: 20th-century, science, biology, philosophy, literature, non-fiction, portuguese, psychology
The Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness, António R. Damásio

There have been many ambitious and important books on the problem of consciousness in the past few years. None has quite the philosophical sophistication and neurophysical knowledge of this one. One of the world's leading experts on the neurophysiology of emotion, professor Damasio shows how our consciousness developed out of the development of emotion brilliantly wide ranging, with fascinating case-studies, the book presents a humane and subtle view of the facility that makes us most profoundly human.

تاریخ نخستین خوانش: روز نهم ماه اکتبر سال 2015 میلادی
عنوان: احساس یک اتفاق؛ نویسنده: آنتونیو داماسیو؛ مترجم: محمدتقی کیمیایی؛ تهران : نگاه معاصر، ‏‫1393؛ در 400 ص؛ شابک: 9789649940205؛ فروست: نگرش فلسفی؛ موضوع: آگاهی - هیجان ها - جسم و جان - از نویسندگان پرتقالی - سده 20 م

ا. شربیانی (less)
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Manuel Antão
Dec 21, 2018Manuel Antão rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2000
If you're into stuff like this, you can read the full review.


Universal Machine: "The Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness" by António R. Damásio


(Original Review, 2000-10-15)


I don't agree that it is as big mystery as pointed out elsewhere in another review I’ve read...I think we do know a great deal about consciousness. The problem lays also in our willingness to explore altered states of consciousness. This must be included in any theory...Some examples of books dedicated to this subject of consciousness. I have been reading lately: “Complete works of Freud and Carl Jung”, “The Tibet Book Of The Dead”, “Tao Te Ching”, R. D. Laing’s “The Politics Of experience (Birds Of Paradise)”, “The Tao Of Physics” by Fritjof Capra, Works Of Richard Feynman, Works of Spinoza, “Altered States Of Consciousness” by Charles T. Tart, “The Conscious Mind” by David J. Chalmers, and Anthropological Studies on Shamanism and so on, indicate that the human animal has not progressed much physiologically over the past two or three thousand years. However we have progressed massively technologically...Plenty of food for thought in this area. (less)
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Joshua Stein
Jun 11, 2011Joshua Stein rated it really liked it
Shelves: mind, philosophy, science
Damasio is a terrific writer, and this is a fantastic assessment of the neurophysiology of consciousness. I strongly recommend it for those who are interested in neuroscience.

There are some concerns I have about the philosophical underpinnings, but Damasio isn't a philosopher. He doesn't grasp the philosophical literature quite as well as, say, Pinker, but he's still a terrific mind and he has a great understanding of neurophysiological involvement in cognitive functions. It's not really that Damasio is presenting a theory of consciousness. Really, Damasio is just presenting some data and some considerations for a potential theory of consciousness, and then referring to several philosophical theories in order to try to see which best reflects his data. That is a totally reasonable approach, and actually much less audacious than what many of his colleagues are attempting to do.

Damasio is very good at equivocating, but being clear about what his views are. He is willing to acknowledge the limits of the data that he has access to, while at the same time asserting that his conclusions are definitive when he means them to be. In that sense, Damasio is a very lucid writer, and is an excellent resource for those who aren't that confident that they can tell real neurophysiological data from bullcrap.

I strongly recommend the book for laymen. I am not sure how much someone with a professional knowledge of the material would get out of this. Some of the more technical details are really interesting, but I am sure that they can be found in other places in the professional literature, where there is far more depth. (less)
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Rory
Jul 07, 2011Rory rated it really liked it
This book is heavier on the neuroanatomy than other books on consciousness, so won't be to everyone's taste.

However, Damasio is an excellent writer and it is very interesting to get a neurologists take on consciousness, particularly as his focus has been on human emotion (finally emerging from the taboo that it has suffered for too long) and he has a long history with clinical patients that he can refer to when discussing the different parts of his anatomy.

Damasio's model of consciousness is intriguing and well worth exploring. He builds it up in three stages; (i) our proto-consciousness, that us based on the basic regulatory functions for governing the body, (ii) our core-consciousness, aware of stimuli as they arrive and finally (iii) the extended-consciousness that involves the auto-biography, the self generated by referring to memory and future plans.

Damasio backs this up with positive and negative examples, referring to clinical patients who have suffered different insults to their CNS.

Recommended - but remember that you will need to be able to tell your hypothalamus from your pre-frontal cortex, if you wish to get the most out of it. (less)
flag7 likes · Like  · 2 comments · see review
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Kent
Jun 20, 2009Kent rated it liked it
Damasio takes a very difficult subject and makes it a little less difficult.

Something I (re)learned: "The net result is that as you think about an object, reconstructing part of the accommodations required to perceive it in the past as well as the emotive responses to it in the past is enough to change the proto-self in much the same manner that I have described for when an external object confronts you directly....In all likelihood, even the plans for future perceptuo-motor accommodations are effective modifiers of the proto-self and thus originators of second-order accounts."

In laymen's terms (as I understand it): Just as recalling an object or event (the memory of, say, an illicit love affair) produces neural patterns in the brain not unlike those produced when the object or event was originally perceived (engaging in an illicit love affair), it's likely that the neural patterns produced by an intention (plans to dip your pen in another man's inkwell, so to speak) are also similar.

In Catholic nuns' terms: Just thinking about the sin is tantamount to committing the sin. (less)
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Samir Rawas Sarayji
Jun 04, 2018Samir Rawas Sarayji rated it liked it
Shelves: non-fiction, psychology
There are interesting aspects to this book that I, as a non-scientist, enjoyed. The focus on the neurological to explain consciousness is the paramount focus, and it’s a new way of looking at the subject of consciousness for me. The material requires concentrated reading particularly because of the new jargon (proto-self, extended consciousness, and other scientific jargon), but mostly because Damasio uses an academic register to argue much of his ideas. This is where I became a bit confused, is the book written for the masses or for the scientific community, because I thought for the former, and if I'm right, then Damasio is one of those writers (at least till that point) who can't simplify and communicate his ideas with analogies and diagrams. When reading a field I've not studied or intend to study, I prefer the layman's approach because I want to get the gist of it and an over-arching view, and not get bogged down rereading a paragraph 3 times to finally say 'ah'. I felt much of the sentences were dense and run-on, there were many instances where a comma or a new sentence would have clarified his thoughts better. There were too few diagrams to illustrate his ideas and explanations. There were also instances where bullet points or lists would have made me absorb the facts much faster and more clearly, rather than convoluted paragraphs. I'm left with a feeling that this is someone who knows much about his field but sucks at bringing it across (unless you're studying his stuff).

My other main concern is the lack of large samples on which he bases his hypotheses. Some of his arguments in this book are presented through case studies (which are always super-interesting) but are not followed up with larger data samples, so the analysis comes across as based on a small sample. I don't know if this is the case in his research or not, but that is how it reads here, and that too left me with an odd feeling. Anyone who has read Freud knows that that is one of his fallacies.

Having said all that, for those who enjoy scientific arguments, and those interested in neurology and consciousness, I'm sure there is much to find here that is of interest. Bear in mind, the book was published in 1999, so things may have changed or even be outdated. (less)
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Nicholas
Nov 15, 2011Nicholas rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: neuroscience
For me this was not an easy read all the way through. I had to keep putting it down every several pages, sometimes to avoid automatically reading it and not understanding it fully....having said that I was rubbish at Biology in school. Surprisingly for the most part, it is not that hard going, and at the end of it you get a good idea where your sense of self comes from and the constituent parts of the Brain and Brain stem that are involved in the processes of consciousness. There are helpful diagrams and a good appendix which make the going a bit easier for the layman, and the author has the impressive ability to impart knowledge without baffling, or presupposing excessive medical training. I'd recommend it to anyone with a curiosity in perception and how emotions are generated and perceived. (less)
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John Turlockton
Apr 05, 2019John Turlockton rated it it was ok
Definitely not for a general audience, he regularly talks about things like parabrachial network or thalamic nuclei without explaining it. At the end there's an appendix where he goes through all the terms he was using throughout the book. I didn't see that part so completely missed it and had to just try figure it out based on what I already knew about the brain structure. Who would explain all the technical terms at the end of a book?

Despite not explaining those things properly, he manages to sometimes over-explain things, like when he spend almost a chapter explaining what an organism is, repeating really obvious things that everyone will know about what makes an object distinct from its surroundings. Even on other parts he talks around in circles sometimes never just saying directly what he's talking about. Generally, throughout the book, the issue is that things aren't explained clearly, it's not like the guys argument is so difficult to understand, it's just never laid out simply like 'this is what I think, 1, 2, 3 and here is my evidence for it.' He also never clearly goes through what I thought what his key point. that consciousness can't exist without emotion, he seems to hint at this throughout the book but never actually goes into it. Maybe this was explained in a previous book? If so, it's certainly not an advertisement for this book.

On evidence, he spends big chunks of the book laying out his argument without giving any evidence, it's only at the start when he's explaining what consciousness is not, and then later in the book at like chapters 8 and 9 that he starts going through evidence for things. Even then he never explains the evidence in an easy-to-read manner (this is part of why I say it's not for a general audience), he basically just says 'yes we have evidence for this' and leaves a footnote number, though in my version there were no footnotes, maybe I have to go online to get them.

Overall I don't know if this is a good argument or not for what consciousness is, because his argument is not clearly laid out nor is his evidence for that argument. If I had the footnotes it might be a good compilation of the studies that support his argument if I was going to read all of them, which I'm not. I'll look for another book on the subject, maybe Edelman or Koch. Stay away from this version unless you just want to read every possible theory of consciousness, even then, I'd advise looking for someone else writing about this theory if you can find it. (less)
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Broodingferret
Apr 18, 2012Broodingferret rated it really liked it
Shelves: biology, psychology, neuroscience
Provocative and well-writen, The Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness is, in many ways, the logical continuation of Descartes' Error: Emotion, Reason and the Human Brain. Moving beyond "simple" decision making, Damásio posits in this work that the whole of consciousness is first initiated by basic regulatory processes, augmented by sensory input, and finally made fully manifest in the moment-by-moment reference of said data to the memories that are represented in the brain as patterns of synaptic connectivity and neuronal activity. Calling on years of experience working with brain trauma patients, Damásio puts both positive and negative evidence to good use in backing up his hypothesis. Though fascinating, this work is highly detailed and dense, and likely to be a challenging read if one doesn't have at least a basic (though more than passing) familiarity with neuoanatomy; in fact, Damásio (and many other scientists) could benefit from a writing class focusing on making science writing more accessible to the layman. Nevertheless, The Feeling of What Happens: Body and Emotion in the Making of Consciousness is enjoyable, thought-provoking, and well worth reading, especially to those with a strong interest in neuroscience and psychology. (less)
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Greg Collver
Apr 02, 2011Greg Collver rated it it was amazing
Very interesting book! I plan to read this book again when I can study it more thoroughly and learn some basic neuroanatomy.

"Perhaps the most startling idea in this book is that, in the end, consciousness begins as a feeling, a special kind of feeling, to be sure, but a feeling nonetheless. I still remember why I began thinking of consciousness as feeling and it seems like a sensible reason: consciousness feels like a feeling, and if it feels like a feeling, it may well be a feeling.

"The seventeenth century French philosopher Malebranche wrote:
It is through light and through a clear idea that the mind sees the essence of things, numbers, and extensions. It is through a vague idea or through feeling that the mind judges the existence of creatures and that it knows its own existence."

(less)
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Michael Vagnetti
May 02, 2012Michael Vagnetti rated it it was amazing
A description of how we feel consciousness, written with authority but also lyricism. For me, this was a remarkable account because it gives the underpinning of why human experience is so transient and elusive. Second, it uses the concept of a wordless brain "narrative" to describe consciousness, undermining language, and thus demonstrates why "subverbal" concepts have such massive weight. For me, language has always been in the shadow of the specter of what Damasio calls the "proto-self." Put another way, in simile, this account exposes consciousness like a giant glacier underneath the ocean, while we sit on a tip above water and think it a profound continent. The most profound passages for me can be found via findings: http://goo.gl/XWY32. (less)
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Carol
Sep 21, 2008Carol rated it it was amazing
This was the first book that gave me the insight into what psycho-physical-whole means.Damasio taught me how our neuro pathways deliver the information we are constantly receiving, to our brain, that then sorts the information and --well--- that is when we know what we know. This understanding has completely transformed my life. I love Damasio, have fantasized for years about inviting him to dinner with a small group of people to talk, laugh, trade stories. I know it would be fun because he quotes playrights, poets etc. in explaining his concepts. (less)
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2021/09/30

Reading THE BODY KEEPS THE SCORE Part 1-2

 Bessel Van Der Kolk


THE BODY KEEPS THE SCORE Content table [total pages 421]



PROLOGUE: FACING TRAUMA

PART ONE: THE REDISCOVERY OF TRAUMA

1. LESSONS FROM VIETNAM VETERANS
2. REVOLUTIONS IN UNDERSTANDING MIND AND BRAIN
3. LOOKING INTO THE BRAIN: THE NEUROSCIENCE REVOLUTION

PART TWO: THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON TRAUMA
4. RUNNING FOR YOUR LIFE: THE ANATOMY OF SURVIVAL
5. BODY-BRAIN CONNECTIONS
6. LOSING YOUR BODY, LOSING YOUR SELF

===
PART THREE: THE MINDS OF CHILDREN [22%, 102]
7. GETTING ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH: ATTACHMENT AND ATTUNEMENT
8. TRAPPED IN RELATIONSHIPS: THE COST OF ABUSE AND NEGLECT
9. WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?
10. DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA: THE HIDDEN EPIDEMIC

PART FOUR: THE IMPRINT OF TRAUMA [37%, 168]

11. UNCOVERING SECRETS: THE PROBLEM OF TRAUMATIC MEMORY
12. THE UNBEARABLE HEAVINESS OF REMEMBERING


===
PART FIVE: PATHS TO RECOVERY [44%, 203]
13. HEALING FROM TRAUMA: OWNING YOUR SELF
14. LANGUAGE: MIRACLE AND TYRANNY
15. LETTING GO OF THE PAST: EMDR
16. LEARNING TO INHABIT YOUR BODY: YOGA
17. PUTTING THE PIECES TOGETHER: SELF-LEADERSHIP [61%, 277]


=====
18. FILLING IN THE HOLES: CREATING STRUCTURES [65,296]
19. REWIRING THE BRAIN: NEUROFEEDBACK
20. FINDING YOUR VOICE: COMMUNAL RHYTHMS AND THEATER
EPILOGUE: CHOICES TO BE MADE

APPENDIX: CONSENSUS PROPOSED CRITERIA FOR DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA DISORDER[79%,356]

====
RESOURCES [80%, 363]
FURTHER READING
NOTES
=====

1부 트라우마의 재발견
1장 베트남전 참전 군인들이 알게 해 준 교훈
2장 마음과 뇌의 이해, 그 혁신적 변화
3장 뇌 속을 들여다보다: 신경과학의 혁명

2부 트라우마 상태의 뇌
4장 필사적인 도주: 생존의 해부
5장 신체와 뇌의 유대
6장 몸을 잃으면 자기self를 잃는다

===
3부 아이들의 마음
7장 애착과 조율: 동일한 파장을 일으키다
8장 관계의 덫: 학대와 방임의 대가
9장 사랑과는 거리가 먼
10장 발달 과정의 트라우마: 숨겨진 유행병

4부 트라우마의 흔적
11장 비밀의 발견: 트라우마 기억의 문제점
12장 참을 수 없는 기억의 무거움


===
5부 회복으로 가는 길
13장 트라우마로부터의 회복: 트라우마의 치유
14장 언어, 기적이자 고통
15장 과거를 떠나보내는 방법: 안구 운동 민감소실 및 재처리 요법EMDR
16장 내 몸에서 살아가는 법을 배우다: 요가
17장 조각 맞추기: 나를 리드하는 기술
===
18장 틈새 메우기: 새로운 구조 만들기
19장 뇌 회로의 재연결: 뉴로피드백
20장 잃어버린 목소리 찾기: 공동체의 리듬, 연극 치료

닫는 글 | 선택 앞에서
감사의 글
부록 | 트라우마 발달 장애 진단 기준에 관한 합의안

참고 자료
더 읽을거리
주석
======
PROLOGUE: FACING TRAUMA


PART ONE: THE REDISCOVERY OF TRAUMA

1. LESSONS FROM VIETNAM VETERANS
- Almost a third of couples engage in violence at some point durin their relationship.
Trauma and loss of self
Numbing
The reorganization of perception
Stuck in trauma
Diagnosing postramautic stress
Framework of PTSD emerges
the biology of traumatic memories of VA
female depression pationts - experience of sexual abuse as children
incest statistics wrong
12 million women ictims of rape. before 15.
ten times the veerans number

A new understanding
trauma results in a fundamental reorganisation of the way mind and brain manage perceptions.
For real change to take place, the body needs to lean that the danger has passed.

===
2. REVOLUTIONS IN UNDERSTANDING MIND AND BRAIN

Trauma before dawn.
sylvia case - helping or gang rape
Making sense of suffering
---
저자의 선생, Elvin Samrad 교수가 말하기를
---
치료사의 임무는 사람들이 즐거움과 비탄을 다 포함한 삶의 현실을 인정하고, 경험하고, 견디게 도아주는 것이다.  
"우리 고통의 가장 큰 원인은 우리가 스스로에게 하는 거짓말"이다. 우리는 우리 경험의 모든 측면에 대해 스스로에게 정직해야 한다고 
그가 종종 말한다: 사람들은 그들이 아는 것과 그들이 느끼는 것을 모르면 절대 나아질 수 없다.
저명한 하버드 교수의 이런 고백을 듣고 놀랐던 기억이 있다. 그가 밤에 잠들을 때 아내의 엉덩이를 만지고 얼마나 위안을 받았지.
자신의 그런 단순한 인간의 욕구를 스스로 공개함으로서 그는 우리가 그것들이 얼마나 인간에게 기본적인지 인식하도록 도왔주었다.
존재라도 우리의 생각이나 세상적인 성취가 아무리 고상하더라도 이런 것들에 주의를 기울이지 않으면 우리의 삶은 정체된 존재가 될 것이다. 
---
development of chemical - emoton approach
chemical imbalance
use of antipsychotic drugs result in reduction of people living in mental hospitals
from 500,000 in 1955, to 100,000 in 1966

Inescapable shock
Animal studies
Adicted to trauma
Soothing the brain
The triaumph of pharmacology
the drug revolution may have done as much harm as good
deflect attention from dealing with the underlying issues.
One in ten Americans now take antidepressants.
Adaptation or desease?
The brain dsease model overlooks four fundamental truths:
our abiity
--

===
3. LOOKING INTO THE BRAIN: THE NEUROSCIENCE REVOLUTION
Speechless horror
Shifting to one side of the brain
Stuck in fight or flight


===
PART TWO: THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON TRAUMA

4. RUNNING FOR YOUR LIFE: THE ANATOMY OF SURVIVAL

2011 5 year old Noam Saul
During disasters young children usually take their cues from thei parents.
Taking an active role

Organised to survive
<cognitive brain> vs <animal brain> (more primitive)
psychological  related to physical

emotion
neuroplasticity

If you feel safe and loved, your brain becmes specialised in exploration, play, and coopation;
if you are frightened and unwanted, it specialises in managing feelings of fear and abandonement.

<emotional brain> vs <rational brain>
emotional brain: programmed

Nerve-chemicals-brain-body

The brain from bottom to top
Mirrorring each other: interpersonal neurobiology
Emphathy - our aility to feel into someone else.
mirror neurons - neural wifi
emphasy, imitation, development of language

trauma almost invariably involved not being see,
not being mirrored, and not being taken into account.

harmonious relationship with other human beings
relaising that other people think and fell differnetly from us is a huge developmental step for 2-3 year olds. 

Indentifying dager: the cook and the smoke detector

trauma increasses the risk of misinterpreting whether a particular situation is dangerous or safe.



Controlling the stress response: The watch tower

IN PTSD the critical balance between the amygdala (smoke detector) and the MPFC (watchtower) shifts radically, which makes it much harder to control emotions and impulases.


The rider and the horse
rational brain  and emotional brain
competent rider and unruly horse
이성적인 두뇌와 감성적인 두뇌 
유능한 기수와 제멋대로인 말

Stan and Ute's brain on trauma.


Dissociation and reliving


The smoke detector goes on overdrive


The timekeeper collapses


The thalamus shuts down


Depersonalisation: split off the self


Learning to live in the present



===
5. BODY-BRAIN CONNECTIONS

A window into the nervous system



The neural love code
Polivagal theory - biology of safety and danger
interplay betweenthe visceral experiences of our body and the voices and faces of people around us.
Kowing that we are seen and heardby the important people in our lives can make us feel calm and safe.
socal relationships important to trauma.
New approaches to healing.



Safety and reciprocity
Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health.

Neuroception - capacity to evaluate relative danger and safety in one's environment.


The levels of safety
1.
2.
3.



Fight or flight versus collapse




How we become human



Defend or relax?



New approaches to treatment






===
6. LOSING YOUR BODY, LOSING YOUR SELF

Losing your body


How do we know we are alive?


The self sensing system


The feeling of what happens  Damasio


The self under threat


Agency: Owning your life


Alexithymia: No wonder for feelings


Depersonalisation


Befriending the body


Connecting with yourself, Connecting with others




===






2021/09/28

The Power of Now Free Summary Review | Eckhart Tolle | PDF | Free Audiobook | Book Mind Map | Infographic | by Chapters

The Power of Now Free Summary Review | Eckhart Tolle | PDF | Free Audiobook | Book Mind Map | Infographic | by Chapters





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The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle Summary, Analysis and Key Insights

posted on SEPTEMBER 13, 2021


Read time: 9 min
A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
Contents hide
1 A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
2 Eckhart Tolle’s Perspective
3 Introduction
4 StoryShot #1: Your Mind and Body Are Separate
5 StoryShot #2: Observe Your Relationship With Your Mind
6 StoryShot #3: Focus on the Present
7 StoryShot #4: Accept the Tragedies in Your Life
8 StoryShot #5: Be Permanently Alert
9 StoryShot #6: Your Ego is Destructive
10 StoryShot #7: Manifest Your Flow of Energy
11 StoryShot #8: Relationships Can Pull You Away From the Present
12 StoryShot #9: Detach to Find Peace
13 StoryShot #10: Surrender Rather Than Resign
14 Final Summary and Review of The Power of Now
15 Rating
16 The Power of Now PDF, Free Audiobook and Animated Book Summary
17 The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle Free Mindmap
18 Related Book Summaries to The Power of Now



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Eckhart Tolle’s Perspective

A German resident of Canada, Eckhart Tolle is a spiritual leader and author. In 2008, the New York Times described Tolle as “the most popular spiritual author in the United States.” Additionally, the Watkins Review claimed in 2011 that he was the most spiritually influential person in the world. Although not identified with a particular religion, Tolle claims to be influenced by multiple religions and spiritual works.
Introduction

The Power of Now states that living in the now is the most authentic path to happiness and enlightenment. Eckhart Tolle awakens readers to their role as a creator of pain. He also shows them how to have a pain-free identity by living fully in the present. If you surrender to the present moment, your problems will no longer exist. The present is where you will find joy, embrace your true self, and discover you are already complete and perfect.
StoryShot #1: Your Mind and Body Are Separate

Your mind is the primary origin of pain. So, if you allow your ego to take over, you will endure considerably more pain. Your mind is associated with pain because it frequently brings up memories. Focusing on your memories often leads to worries about the past and more significant anxiety about the future. Generally, our mind fixates on negative memories. Subsequently, this prevents us from living in the present. The pain associated with memories is compounded by us having no control over these events. Eckhart Tolle highlights that we only have control over the present. We have no control over our memories or future events.

Tolle suggests you try to separate yourself from your mind due to the pain associated with your mind. Try to focus on your body. Your body understands what is best for you. Subsequently, you can learn a lot about the critical factors within your life by choosing to focus on your body. Tolle argues that nobody has ever found enlightenment by focusing on their mind and ignoring their body.

The Buddha was passionate about the concept of separating your mind from your body. The Buddha learned from spending six years abstaining and intermittently fasting that he could not reach enlightenment by separating his body. Instead, he found the only effective practices were those that helped him feel united with his body.
StoryShot #2: Observe Your Relationship With Your Mind

When you seek to detach yourself from your mind, you must be fully conscious of your mind’s power. This consciousness should allow you to highlight the subtle ways your mind causes you pain. This pain could be through behavior or thoughts. Simply observing your relationship with your mind will create a gap in the flow of your thinking. For example, suppose you ask yourself what your next thought will be. There will likely be a delay before your next clear thought arrives. Consistently using questions like this will help you become more conscious of how you become so used to your mind’s flow. Alternatively, breaking up your thoughts will help you isolate your mind and separate yourself from it. Try to accept these thoughts as they arise. But, do not necessarily follow the advice of these thoughts.
StoryShot #3: Focus on the Present

You likely spend most of your time thinking about the past and future. Tolle suggests you could be neglecting the only moment fully available to you, which is your present. No events occur in the past or future. Life is just a continuous stream of present moments over time. The past is a collection of once-present moments that have passed. The future is filled with several present moments that are yet to arrive.

As the past and future are simply alternative versions of the present, there are no advantages to worrying about them. If you can simply focus on the present, you will only be dealing with minor problems as they arise. You can break a challenging task into several minor challenges.
StoryShot #4: Accept the Tragedies in Your Life

Tolle introduces the readers to the concept of pain-body. According to him, pain-body is an accumulation of painful life experiences that were not fully faced and accepted in the moment they happened. They leave an energy form of emotional pain behind. They come together with other energy forms from other instances, and so after some years you have a pain-body: an energy entity consisting of old emotion. It’s a heavy burden for us to carry around and it

continues to grow as we add more pain. The residual pain can overwhelm us, so we must learn to cope with it.

Living in the present does not mean you should surrender to the present. You should adopt mental strategies to deal with any negative feelings that emerge from dealing with the present. Not all pain is within our control, as we all experience challenging moments like loved ones passing away. That said, you must accept these traumatic events for what they are. Doing so will limit the quantity of pain and the length of this painful period. Understanding that nothing can now be changed will help you avoid unnecessary suffering. Detaching from your mind will provide you with the inner strength required to accept painful situations.
StoryShot #5: Be Permanently Alert

Eckhart Tolle describes the optimal state of presence as permanent alertness. As well as separating yourself from your mind, you should also adopt an active waiting technique. Active waiting is characterized by being aware that something important could happen at any moment. So, during this state, you have all your attention focused on the present moment.

Active waiting suppresses any opportunities to daydream, plan for the future, or remember the past. It is impossible to be distracted from the present. One of the strengths of active waiting is that it helps you pay attention to your body for potential events. Tolle explains that Zen masters sneak up on their pupils when they have their eyes closed. Then, they attempt to hit the student. This approach forced their students to adopt active waiting, which helped them fully concentrate on their bodies.
StoryShot #6: Your Ego is Destructive

Tolle speaks at length about the negative impact of your ego. Your ego is a part of your mind that controls your thoughts and behavior. Crucially, ego is part of your ‘inner body,’ which often controls you without your knowledge. Tolle highlights that your ego depends on your misery for its continued existence. As your ego relies on misery, it also obstructs your potential happiness.

The impact of egos on humans is apparent when you consider that nobody wants to suffer. Yet, there are so many people who are architects of their own downfall. They intentionally sabotage their own happiness or stay in painful relationships. The ego is a destructive part of the human mind. It wants to be an essential part of you and knows no limits. So, if you let it gain control, it will bring you much suffering.
StoryShot #7: Manifest Your Flow of Energy

Tolle recommends that readers connect to the unmanifested presence of the now that we carry with us at all times. So, we must practice being present to inner energy for 10-15 minutes at a time. Breaking away from a focus on your body will allow you to be more aware of this energy. Specifically, once you have identified unmanifested energy, you want to flow this energy into the manifested form. Tolle calls this Chi.

Sleep is a period when you will experience more of the unmanifested. But you will not liberate the energy associated with the manifested unless you enter it consciously. So, conscious awareness of the now is your main portal. You can reinforce your awareness of the now by practicing silence. The interplay of sound and silence shapes all our manifested experiences. Space is also the emptiness among the atoms of the world and is comparable to silence. It is usually impossible to be fully aware of space or silence. However, if you can become aware of space, you will also become aware of the unmanifested.

Sleep is an example of an involuntary portal. Similarly, death is another involuntary portal. It opens up briefly at the time of physical death. Suppose you missed all other opportunities for spiritual realization during your lifetime. In this case, you will still have one last portal open up for you immediately after the body has died.
StoryShot #8: Relationships Can Pull You Away From the Present

Relationships are consistently associated with suffering, partly because society believes we are entitled to great relationships. That said, Tolle believes that relationships often pull us away from the present. This is common because relationships encourage us to consider future experiences as saviors. Relationships are naturally addictive because they create a love-hate cycle. These cycles make us feel alive. But we are often drawn to people romantically because of our wounds. Subsequently, we become disillusioned when our romantic partners are unable to heal these wounds.

Your spiritual path should never depend on another person. This is particularly important to consider as relationships can activate the pain-body when we are disillusioned with the relationship. To heal, we must dis-identify with the mind and connect with the now.

Tolle believes women are naturally closer to enlightenment, as they are also naturally closer to their bodies. Men are too obsessed with their minds. Women also have a collective pain-body due to women being subjugated within society. So, women must reflect on how much they resist letting go of their pain.
StoryShot #9: Detach to Find Peace

Simply accepting things as they are is the first step in achieving peace. Tolle suggests you move beyond the binary of good and bad by viewing every experience as potentially moving you toward peace. The ego’s need for control creates the most destructive things in life. We can create drama when we battle with other egos. We can also create drama on our own, battling with our egos. Tolle says humans are the only life form on earth that knows negativity. Fight against this and use detachment to be free of expectations and acquire genuine compassion.
StoryShot #10: Surrender Rather Than Resign

Surrender is not the same thing as resignation. One can surrender to the reality of a situation and still take steps to create a different path. Surrendered actions involve letting go of judgment while seeking change. Tolle believes you can experience more effective motivation when you surrender. Surrender your resistance by acknowledging it and then understanding how your mind seeks to label and judge this resistance. Understanding your resistance will liberate you from being reactive and allow you to choose your actions freely.

Surrendering is another way to achieve peace. Tolle suggests you mindfully surrender to each moment. Say yes to both what is and what isn’t. Without surrendering, we are swapping potential peace for suffering through resistance. You will know that you have effectively surrendered when you no longer have to ask yourself whether you have surrendered.
Final Summary and Review of The Power of Now

The Power of Now is an overview of how you can move from the past and future into the now. Tolle believes that being present and aware of your bodily reactions is key to understanding yourself. Being present requires you to realize the influence of your mind and focus more on your body. The power of being present is the ability to surrender to the reality of pain and still seek change. By accepting hardship, you can find peace and choose your actions freely.
Rating

We rate this book 4.5/5.
Our Score

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The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle Free Mindmap
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Filed Under: All Books, New, Personal Growth, Philosophy, Spirituality & ReligionTagged With: meditation, mindfulness

2021/09/26

THE BODY KEEPS THE SCORE Content table [total pages 421] Bessel Van Der Kolk

Bessel Van Der Kolk

THE BODY KEEPS THE SCORE Content table [total pages 421]



PROLOGUE: FACING TRAUMA

PART ONE: THE REDISCOVERY OF TRAUMA

1. LESSONS FROM VIETNAM VETERANS
2. REVOLUTIONS IN UNDERSTANDING MIND AND BRAIN
3. LOOKING INTO THE BRAIN: THE NEUROSCIENCE REVOLUTION

PART TWO: THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON TRAUMA
4. RUNNING FOR YOUR LIFE: THE ANATOMY OF SURVIVAL
5. BODY-BRAIN CONNECTIONS
6. LOSING YOUR BODY, LOSING YOUR SELF

===
PART THREE: THE MINDS OF CHILDREN [22%, 102]
7. GETTING ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH: ATTACHMENT AND ATTUNEMENT
8. TRAPPED IN RELATIONSHIPS: THE COST OF ABUSE AND NEGLECT
9. WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?
10. DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA: THE HIDDEN EPIDEMIC

PART FOUR: THE IMPRINT OF TRAUMA [37%, 168]

11. UNCOVERING SECRETS: THE PROBLEM OF TRAUMATIC MEMORY
12. THE UNBEARABLE HEAVINESS OF REMEMBERING


===
PART FIVE: PATHS TO RECOVERY [44%, 203]
13. HEALING FROM TRAUMA: OWNING YOUR SELF
14. LANGUAGE: MIRACLE AND TYRANNY
15. LETTING GO OF THE PAST: EMDR
16. LEARNING TO INHABIT YOUR BODY: YOGA
17. PUTTING THE PIECES TOGETHER: SELF-LEADERSHIP [61%, 277]


=====
18. FILLING IN THE HOLES: CREATING STRUCTURES [65,296]
19. REWIRING THE BRAIN: NEUROFEEDBACK
20. FINDING YOUR VOICE: COMMUNAL RHYTHMS AND THEATER
EPILOGUE: CHOICES TO BE MADE

APPENDIX: CONSENSUS PROPOSED CRITERIA FOR DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA DISORDER[79%,356]

====
RESOURCES [80%, 363]
FURTHER READING
NOTES
=====

1부 트라우마의 재발견
1장 베트남전 참전 군인들이 알게 해 준 교훈
2장 마음과 뇌의 이해, 그 혁신적 변화
3장 뇌 속을 들여다보다: 신경과학의 혁명

2부 트라우마 상태의 뇌
4장 필사적인 도주: 생존의 해부
5장 신체와 뇌의 유대
6장 몸을 잃으면 자기self를 잃는다

===
3부 아이들의 마음
7장 애착과 조율: 동일한 파장을 일으키다
8장 관계의 덫: 학대와 방임의 대가
9장 사랑과는 거리가 먼
10장 발달 과정의 트라우마: 숨겨진 유행병

4부 트라우마의 흔적
11장 비밀의 발견: 트라우마 기억의 문제점
12장 참을 수 없는 기억의 무거움


===
5부 회복으로 가는 길
13장 트라우마로부터의 회복: 트라우마의 치유
14장 언어, 기적이자 고통
15장 과거를 떠나보내는 방법: 안구 운동 민감소실 및 재처리 요법EMDR
16장 내 몸에서 살아가는 법을 배우다: 요가
17장 조각 맞추기: 나를 리드하는 기술
===
18장 틈새 메우기: 새로운 구조 만들기
19장 뇌 회로의 재연결: 뉴로피드백
20장 잃어버린 목소리 찾기: 공동체의 리듬, 연극 치료

닫는 글 | 선택 앞에서
감사의 글
부록 | 트라우마 발달 장애 진단 기준에 관한 합의안

참고 자료
더 읽을거리
주석
======

2021/09/25

[책] 성공하는 가족들의 7가지 습관 스티븐 코비 1988

알라딘: 성공하는 가족들의 7가지 습관
스티븐 코비 (지은이),
김경섭 (옮긴이)김영사1998-11-29



460쪽
=====

알라딘 리뷰

<성공하는 사람들의 7가지 습관>에서 `처세술`을 `인생철학`의 차원으로 끌어올렸던 스티븐 코비의 저작. 나의 변화를 통해 남을 변화시킨다는 인간관계의 철학과, 소중한 것을 먼저 하라는 전략적 사고법을 가족 문제에 적용시켰다.

가정생활을 하다보면 타성에 젖기 쉽다. 긴장을 늦추다보니 생각없이 튀어나가는 말도 많다. 가장 가까운 사람들을 가장 멀리 대하고, 가장 소중한 사람들에게 상처를 주는 이 책의 사례들은 우리 자신의 모습에서 그리 멀지 않다.

스티븐 코비가 이들에게 제시하는 해법은 일견 평범한 듯하면서도 아주 실제적이다. 분위기나 기분에 따라 즉각적이고 감성적으로 반응하는 `대응적 반응`을 자제하고, 자기가 설정한 가치와 원칙에 따라 주도적으로 행동하라는 것이다.

무슨 말인가 하면, 아내가 화낸다고 같이 화내지 말고 남편이 무시한다고 덩달아 무시하지 말라는 것이다. 이것은 본능적인 자극-반응의 저차원적 대응책일 뿐, 인간 특유의 주도성을 살린 효율적인 해법이 될 수 없다. 이에는 이, 눈에는 눈은 인간관계의 해법이 아니다.

맞는 말이다. 그러나 문제는 항상 그렇듯이 실천이다. 이 책의 장점은, 한 권을 다 읽고 나면, 실천에의 강한 동기 유발 효과를 느낄 수 있으며, 풍부한 사례와 실험을 통해 얻어진 행동지침들이 설득력 있게 제시되어 있다는 것이다. 가족 문제에 관한 한, 그 어느 책보다 실천에 가까이 있는 책이다.

이 책이 독자로 삼고 있는 대상은, `성공 이데올로기`에 밀려 무시되어온 가족의 가치를 깨닫고 어떻게 하면 행복한 가정을 일궈낼 수 있을지 고민하는 사람들과, 가정 불화가 심각한데도 어디서부터 어떻게 손 대야할지 막막한 채 기존의 관성대로 살아가는 사람들이다. 사회적으로는 성공했지만 가정적으로는 그렇지 못한 사람들, 직장에서는 리드 하지만 집안에서는 속수무책인 사람들도 이 책의 독자층이다. --^조유식^(1999-04-02)

책소개

<성공하는 사람들의 7가지 습관>의 저자 스티븐 코비가 행복한 가정을 만드는 원칙과 실천지침을 제시한 책. 표지에 “1,200만 세계 독자가 기다려온 스티븐 코비의 최신간”이라는 선전문구가 들어 있는데, 스티븐 코비로부터 감화받은 바 있는 그의 팬들 입장에선 과장된 선전문구로 느껴지지 않을 성싶다.대부분의 사람이 첫번째로 꼽는 삶의 가치는 가족이다.

그러나 과연 우리는 가족에게 얼마 만큼의 관심과 시간을 기울이고 있는가? 혹시 업무나 친구, 취미가 생활의 중심을 차지하고 있지는 않은가? 만일 가족에 문제가 있다면 그것은 바로 당신 자신이 문제가 있기 때문이다. <성공하는 사람들의 7가지 습관>에서, 성공전략을 `처세술`로부터 `인간관계의 철학` 수준으로 끌어올린 스티븐 코비는 가족문제에 대해서도 근본적이고 실제적인 처방을 내놓는다.

가족 문제를 얘기하는 책들 중 `사랑`이라는 정서적 접근과 당위에 머물러 있는 책이 적지 않다면, 이 책은 가족이 안고 있는 문제의 핵심을 밝혀내고 구체적 해답을 제시하려고 노력한다. 스티븐 코비는 가정생활의 7가지 원칙을 실생활에서 효과적으로 실천하게 하는 다양한 지침을 제시한다.가족의 공동비전을 설정하는 "가족사명서 만들기", 가족간의 신뢰를 쌓은 "감정은행 계좌 만들기", 유대감과 공감을 높이는 "가족간의 일대일 만남", 가족구성원의 존재 의미를 다지는 "가족내 역할과 계획" 등이 그것이다.

또한 각 장마다 성인과 10대 자녀, 어린 자녀들과 7가지 원칙을 어떻게 실천할지 구체적인 실행지침을 제시한다. 독자들이 자신의 상황에 따라 이것을 실천할 수 있도록 돕고 있다.저자는 그 자신이 9명의 자녀를 둔 아버지이자 여러 손자를 둔 할아버지이다. 그는 이 책에서 자신의 이야기를 솔직하게 털어놓는다. 또 자기계발 컨설턴트로 일하며 경험한 수많은 개인과 가족들의 다양한 사례를 소개한다. 독자들은 이들 사례를 보며 공감과 반성의 시간을 가질 수 있다.


목차
1. 주도적이 되라
`정지 버튼` 만들기 / 네 가지 천부적 능력을 활용하기 / 다섯 번째 천부적 능력 / 사랑은 동사 / 천부적인 능력도 노력해야 쓸 수 있다 / 영향력의 원, 관심의 원 / 어떤 언어를 사용하는지 살펴보자 / 감정은행 계좌 만들기 / 작은 친절의 큰 힘 / 1퍼센트도 남김 없이 사과를 / 등 뒤에서 험담하지 말자 / 약속을 하되 지켜야 한다 / 용서하기 / 사랑의 일차 법칙, 순수한 사랑에는 조건이 없다 / 문젯거리는 모두 저축의 기회 / 습관 1, 다른 모든 습관의 열쇠

2. 습관 2 - 목표를 확립하고 행동하라
우리 가족의 최종 목적지는? / 우리 가족의 사명서 작성 이야기 / 목적지와 나침반을 함께 얻는다 / 가족 사명서 만들기 / 가족 사명서의 위력 / 친척도 하나로 묶어 주는 사명서의 힘 / 세 가지 주의 사항 / 대나무를 기억하라

3. 습관 3 - 소중한 것부터 먼저 하라
소중한 일을 먼저 하지 않는다면 / 왜 소중한 일을 먼저 하지 못하는가? / 부모라는 독특한 역할 / 하부구조가 흔들리면 모든 것이 동요한다 / 가족을 이끄는 것은 공중 그네 묘기 / 정북향은 변하지 않는다 / 누가 우리 자녀들을 양육할 것인가 / 외부에서 내면으로의 방법은 더 이상 효력이 없다 / 가족 내에 구조 만들기 / 주간 가족의 시간 / 가족 사명서를 가족 헌법으로 / 계획의 시간 / 가르침의 시간 / 문제 해결의 시간 / 즐기는 시간 / 실천을 다짐하기 / 일대일 만남의 시간 / 부부간의 일대일 만남의 시간 / 자녀와의 일대일 만남의 시간 / 자식을 바꾸는 것은 지식이 아니라 사랑 / 큰 돌을 먼저 넣어라 / 역할을 중심으로 계획하기 / `여기까지` 그리고 `이제부터`

4. 습관 4 - 상호 이익을 추구하라
지는 것을 좋아하는 사람은 없다 / 승/패의 결과 / 패/승의 결과 / 유일한 대안은 승/승 / `나`에서 `우리`로 / 승/승의 정신을 어떻게 계발할 것인가 / 승/승 합의서 만들기 / 합의서가 지배하는 가족 / 승/승 합의의 다섯 가지 요소 / 큰 그림으로 보기

5. 습관 5 - 경청한 다음에 이해시켜라
고통은 오해에서 시작한다 / 이해는 가장 큰 저축 / 심리적 공기 / 감정은행 계좌의 저축은 이해에서 / 모든 사람은 여리고 상처받기 쉽다 / 억누르는 짐을 벗어 던지기 / 화나는 일 극복하기 / 충실한 통역자가 되어라 / 공감적 경청의 원칙 / 빙산의 일각과 빙산의 몸체 / 공감의 마술사 되기 / 자신을 이해시켜라 / 피드백 주기 / 습관 5의 문화 만들기 / 성장 단계 이해하기 / 시너지의 문을 여는 열쇠

6. 습관 6 - 시너지를 활용하라
모든 습관의 최고선, 시너지 / 1시너지는 모험이다 / 차이점을 존중하고 활용하라 / 차이점이 없으면 시너지도 없다 / 프로세스의 가동 / 가족의 면역 시스템 / "시각이 다르군요. 하지만 좋습니다." / 함께 해결책을 찾아라 / 시너지 연습법 4단계 / 플러스 거래의 시너지 / 모든 상황에 시너지가 필요한 것은 아니다 / 아주 귀하고 감동적인 열매

7. 습관 7 - 끊임없이 쇄신하라
엔트로피 / 상호 의존적인 쇄신의 힘 / 가족 쇄신의 핵심은 전통을 만드는 데 있다 / 쇄신의 정신 배양하기 / 전통은 가족의 상처도 치유한다더보기

===

책속에서

만일 우리가 사회의 다른 모든 분야에서 최선을 다하면서 가족을 등한시 한다면, 그것은 가라앉고 있는 타이타닉 호에서 갑판 의자를 가지런히 정돈하려는 것과 마찬가지가 될 것입니다.

저자 및 역자소개
스티븐 코비 (Stephen R. Covey) (지은이) 

세계적으로 존경받는 리더십 권위자, 가족 공동체 전문가, 교사이자 조직 컨설턴트다. 원칙 중심의 삶과 리더십으로 가족과 조직을 구성하는 법을 가르치며 평생을 보냈다. 하버드대학교에서 MBA 학위를 받았으며, 브리검영대학교에서 박사 학위를 받고 조직 행동학 및 경영 관리학 교수, 교무처장, 부총장을 역임했다. 세계적인 베스트셀러 《성공하는 사람들의 7가지 습관》 외에도 《소중한 것을 먼저 하라》, 《원칙 중심의 리더십》, 《성공하는 사람들의 8번째 습관》 등 베스트셀러가 3,000만 부 이상 판매되었다. 특히 세계 40개 언어로 번역... 더보기
최근작 : <스티븐 코비에게 배우는 효과적인 삶>,<살고 사랑하고 업적을 남겨라>,<성공하는 사람들의 7가지 습관> … 총 452종 (모두보기)


김경섭 (옮긴이) 
《성공하는 사람들의 7가지 습관》 《코엑티브 코칭》 《창의적 교수법》 같은 세계적인 명품 교육들을 한국에 도입한 리더십·코칭 분야 선구자이다. 강의와 코칭으로 아시아 연합운동을 시작했고, 기업은 물론 가정, 학교, 공공 기관이 모두 가슴 뛰는 꿈을 찾아 위대한 성공을 일굴 수 있도록 돕고 있다. 또한 한국코치협회와 청소년교육컨설턴트협회를 창립하여 수만 개의 새로운 직업을 창출하고 있다.

최근작 : <꿈과 끼를 펼쳐라! 밤하늘에 수많은 별처럼>,<암을 이겨내는 사람들의 7가지 습관>,<생각 표현하기 트레이닝 Facilitation Graphics> … 총 62종 (모두보기)
Editor Blog자기계발의 대가, 스티븐 코비 별세 l 2012-07-17
우리는 날로 엄청난 변화가 일어나고 있는 세상에 살고 있습니다. 이러한 변화는 사업체, 가족, 학교, 정부, 개인들로 하여금 피부로 느끼게 하고 진짜 도전과 두려움을 가져오며 그 속도가 점점 빨라지고 있습니다. 이러한 도전의 해결책은 여러 원칙들에 있습니다. 이 원칙들은 영원한 것들입니다. 이것들은 우리가 주변의 변화에서 살아남고, 태풍의 눈에도평온하게 가...

평점분포    8.5
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구매자 (2)
전체 (2)
공감순 
     
가족을 위해 구입한 책이지만, 동서와 조카에게 선물한 책! 다시 구해야 하는데..  구매
웨슬리 2008-09-05 공감 (2) 댓글 (0)
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소중한 것을 먼저 하라는 전략적 사고법을 가족 문제에 적용시킴으로, 가족의 소중함의 절실함을 다시 한 번 깨우치게 되었습니다.  구매
해님 2012-08-29 공감 (0) 댓글 (0)
===
마이리뷰
구매자 (1)
전체 (15)
===
     
가족이 우선일 수밖에 없다..

가족은 가장 당연시 되고 무감각해지기 쉬운 또 다른 형태의 사회이다. 그냥 축소판이라고 해야할까. 매일 아침 가장 먼저 얼굴을 보게 되고 잠들기 전 또 한 번 얼굴을 보게 되는 사람들이 가족 아닌가. 가장 가까이 있어 그들의 기본적인 욕구와 의견을 무시하게 되고 작은 마찰과 불화라도 생길때면 이해할 수 없다는 듯 넘겨버리지 않는가. 이것은 무책임한 행동임에 말할 것도 없다. 지금 당신이 알아야 할 것이 있다. 곁에 있는 소중한 이들을 소홀히 대함으로서 당신 자신이 잃어 가고 있는 것이 있다는 것을. 바로 자신을 효율적으로 경영해나가... + 더보기
상생 2004-02-19 공감(3) 댓글(0)
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마이리뷰
     
가족이 우선일 수밖에 없다.. 

가족은 가장 당연시 되고 무감각해지기 쉬운 또 다른 형태의 사회이다. 그냥 축소판이라고 해야할까. 매일 아침 가장 먼저 얼굴을 보게 되고 잠들기 전 또 한 번 얼굴을 보게 되는 사람들이 가족 아닌가. 가장 가까이 있어 그들의 기본적인 욕구와 의견을 무시하게 되고 작은 마찰과 불화라도 생길때면 이해할 수 없다는 듯 넘겨버리지 않는가. 이것은 무책임한 행동임에 말할 것도 없다. 지금 당신이 알아야 할 것이 있다. 곁에 있는 소중한 이들을 소홀히 대함으로서 당신 자신이 잃어 가고 있는 것이 있다는 것을. 바로 자신을 효율적으로 경영해나가... + 더보기
상생 2004-02-19 공감(3) 댓글(0)
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3주간에 걸친 감동...

3주간에 걸쳐 읽었던 성공하는 가족들의  7가지 습관을 오늘 드디어 끝마쳤다.

좀 더 빨리 읽지 못한것이 후회 될 만큼 벅찬 감동이 올랐다. 스티븐 코비 박사의 저서는 처음 읽어 보았다.   다른 책도 구입해서 읽어볼 예정이다.

이 책을 제대로 활용 하기위해서는 소설이나 수필을 읽듯이 한번 죽 읽어  내려 가기보다는 내게 필요한 부분을 메모 해가면서 그리고 줄도 쳐가면서 읽어야 할 것 같다.  그리고 한번 읽고 책꽂이에 장식용으로 꽂아두는 것이 아니라 내손이 닿기 좋은 곳에 가까이 두고 긴장이 풀리거나 가족간의 대화가 뜻대로 풀려가지 않을때,  무언가 가족간의 관계가 소원해 질때 두고 두고 참고하면 좋겠다는 생각을 했다.

이 책의 내용대로  각 가정이 7가지 습관을 의식적으로 실천하고 노력한다면 튼튼한 가정이 모여있는 우리 사회는 좀더 건강해 질것이고 청소년 비행이나 왕따 와 같은 청소년 문제는 자연스럽게 해결 되지 않을까 생각해본다. (물론 나의 바램 이겠지만....)

이 책에 예시된 상황들을 우리 가정에 그대로 접목 시키기에는 민족적인 정서나 각자 처해있는 환경이 다를수 있겠지만  7가지 습관이라는 기본 골격을 응용해서 각자의 환경에 적용 시켜 본다면 우리 가정은 한걸음 더 발전되고 한걸음 더 행복해진 가정이 될것이라고 생각해본다 .

건강하고 행복한 가정을 원하는 사람이라면, 결혼을 앞둔 예비 부부라면, 부부나 가족간에 문제가 있는 가정이라면 누구든지 읽어 보기를 권하고 싶다.  한단계 업 그레이드 된 가정을 만드는데 도움이 되리라믿는다.

jane 2004-06-26 공감(3) 댓글(0)
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가정이 평안해야 한다

'성공'이라는 말이 추상적이긴 해도 성공이라함은 개인에 더 치중되기 마련이다.. 개인의 사고와 변화됨을 강조하며 성공하는 길에 이르게 해 주고자 수많은 책의 포화상태에서 오히려 우리의 판단력을 요구하는게 현 실정이다...
스티븐 코비의 '성공하는 사람들의 7가지 습관'이라는 제목의 책이 나와있지만 사람들 대신 가족이라는 수식어가 없었다면 이 책도 그냥 지나쳐 버렸을지도 모른다.. 내 자신의 소중함만 키워 가고 그 중심축이 오로지 나였던.. 그래서 늘 식상하고 의미없는 날들의 연속이 존재의 상실감에까지 영향을 미치고 있을때 '가족'이라는 단어만으로도 무언가 내 뒷통수를 치고 있다는 느낌을 받았다.. 나는 정말 소중한 것을 잊고 있었다는 사실을 인정하게 된 것이다.. 이 세상이 내 중심으로 생각되어지고 나 혼자서 모든걸 견디어 온 것 같아도 분명 내게도 가족이라는 울타리가 있었고 존재해왔기 때문이다...
책을 읽기 전에 이런 메세지가 나의 가족을 생각해 보겠다는 계기가 되었고 다 읽고 난 후에는 진정으로 생각하고 실천해 보겠다는 굳은 의지가 되었다.. 읽는 내내 참 많은 반성과 가능성과 희망을 맛보았고 앞으로 가족을 꾸려나가야 할 사람들이 읽어도 참 좋겠다는 생각을 했다.. 결혼을 하기 전에 연애를 하듯.. 아이를 키우기 전에 소중한 가족을 꾸려 나가기 위해 준비하는 것.. 그리고 다듬어 나가는 것이 아이를 낳으므로써 부모가 된다는 것, 결혼을 함으로써 부부가 되는 것과는 분명 다르다는 것을 알기 때문이다...

이 책에 있는 내용을 다 파악하고 이해하며 수용하는 것은 무리일 것이다... 그러기에는 이 책이 조금 두꺼운 감도 없지 않지만 상식적으로 볼때 완벽추구는 더 많은 트러블을 낳기 때문에 정말 우리가족이나 내게 필요한 것만 끈기있게 수용하고 실천하더라도 많은 변화와 유대감이 형성될거라 생각한다..

책에서는 7가지 습관을 제시해 주고 있지만 그 분류는 굳이 하지 않더라도 7가지 과정이 순차적이라는 느낌을 받을 것이다..

1.주도적이 되기 2.목표를 확립하고 행동하기 3.소중한 것부터 먼저하기 4. 상호 이익 추구하기 5.경청한 다음에 이해시키기 6.시너지 활용하기 7. 끊임없이 쇄신하기.....

용어가 조금 딱딱하고 국내가 아닌 외국의 작가가 쓴거라 정서적인게 조금은 안맞고 또 이론적인 부분에서는 조금은 어렵고 깊이 있게 들어간다는 느낌을 받을지라도 읽다보면 가슴이 충분히 느낄 수 있다는 사실을 알게 될 것이다.

나는 아직 미혼이라 내 가정과 아이들과 남편이 없지만 그런 가족에서 자녀의 위치에서 성장했고 존재하고 있고 현재는 언니집에서 동생,이모,처제라는 위치에 있다... 그래서 충분히 그 구성원의 일원으로써의 내 자신과 우리 가족의 울타리를 생각해 보며 비교할 수 있었다...
어렸을때 나는 대가족 틈에서 막내라는 타이틀(?)로 성장했따.. 가족이 많아 늘 북적거렸고 모든게 부족했고 내 자신의 욕구를 채우기에 급급했던 것 같다.. 부모님은 일하시느라 일일이 신경을 못 써주셨고 막내이기 때문에 투정 부릴 줄만 알았지 누군가를 돌보고 화목을 도모한다는 것은 상상할 수 조차 없었다... 그래도 막연히 가족이 많아 좋았다라는 생각만 가지고 있었지 어째서 소중한지 어째서 귀한지 잘 몰랐다.. 책에서 나온 사례들을 보고 우리 부모님이 어렸을때 저렇게 해주었다면 나의 모습은 달라졌을 텐데 라고 막연한 부러움이 앞섰지만 나에게는 아직 가능성이 있었다..내게 가족이 있고 또 새로운 가족을 만들 수 있기 때문이다.. 그 가능성을 생각해 볼때 지금부터 내가 어떻게 해야 하는지 무얼 해야 하는지 조금씩 틀이 잡혀간다..
그러나 요즘 나는 언니와 형부가 없을때 남겨진 조카들 때문에 고민을 한적이 많다.. 맞벌이 하는 언니와 형부가 집에 있는 시간이 적기 때문에 그 가정에서 아이들과 가장 많은 시간을 보내는 사람은 나다.. 즐겁게 보내는 시간도 많지만 아이들이 잘못하거나 내가 짜증이 날때 내사고에 의한 행동과 방법이 올바른가 그른가에 대한 판단이 잘 서지 않기 때문이다...

처음엔 언니와 형부처럼 조근조근 얘기도 하고 혼내기도 하면서 아이들을 다뤘다.. 그러나 시간이 지날수록 아이들을 대할때 소리지르고 윽박지르기 일쑤고 체벌도 서슴치 않는 횟수가 증가하고 있음을 느꼈다.. 거기다가 나의 스트레스의 대상이 아이들이 된 적이 너무나 많다는 생각이 들었다.. 책에서 나오는 사례들.. 그리고 독자에게 말해주는 메세지가 짙어 갈수록 그런 자각은 더 드러났다.. 특히 '경청하고 이해시켜라'라는 부분을 읽을때 나와 조카들의 관계가 가장 먼저 생각이 났고 상황을 곰곰히 생각해 보며 무엇이 잘못되어 가고 있는지 생각해보게 되었다...

습관 4에서 나오는 승/패에만 치우쳐 조카들이 인격체로 성장해가고 있음에도 경청,이해하기,이해시키기,나의 의견 말하기는 완전히 무시되고 있었다.. 그런 부분이 막혀 있기 때문에 나는 언제나 조카들에게 승이여야 했고 조카들은 패여야 했다.. 그러나 계속 이런식의 관계는 더 악화될뿐 친밀감과 유대감 그리고 가족이라는 소속감까지 떨어지고 있었다.. 그런 생각을 늘 하고 있었는데 이 책을 통해 확실하게 문제점을 발견했고 해결책과 가능성을 엿보았다..
조카들과의 유대관게.. 그리고 더 나아가 언니와 형부까지 포함해 가족이라는 관계성 울타리에서 서로가 어떻게 해야 하는지 무엇이 필요한지 알게 되었다.. 부족한게 너무 많았다...
사랑,이해,감사,표현,가족이라는 연계성,대화,경청등....

부족한게 너무나 많지만 앞에서도 말했듯이 이 모든걸 한꺼번에 이루려 한다면 더 악화가 될수도 있을 것이다.. 차근 차근 꾸준히 하는게 중요하다.. 그리고 모든 가족이 참여하고 마음을 열어야 한다.. 그게 결코 쉬운일만은 아닐 것이다.. 그러나 가족이기 때문에 그리고 문제점을 알고 개선시켜야 할 필요성을 느끼기 때문에 같이 노력해야 한다..

나는 동생이기 때문에 언니네 가족에서 싸이드가 된 느낌이 들수도 있겠지만 다음에 그런 가족을 분명 만들 터인데 내가 조카들에게 했던 것들이 그대로 전수되지 말란법이 없다.. 어쩌면 더 심할수도 내 아이니까 더 편애적으로 할 수도 있을 것이다.. 나는 현재 가족의 일원이지만 미래의 가족을 경험하고 있는 것이다.. 현재의 그런 삶이 미래의 나의 가족에 지대한 영향을 미치는 것은 자명한 일이다.. 그래서 현재의 삶을 소중하게 이끌어 나가고 가족이라는 공동체 안에서의 삶이 돈독해 진다면 분명 미래는 나의 가족.. 그리고 현재 나의 가족까지도 풍요롭고 끈적한 유대감과 사랑이 넘치는 관계를 만들어갈 수 있을 것이라 생각한다...

이 책에서 말해주는 많은 것을을 실천할수도 그리고 그것들을 다 담을 여유도 없다.. 어쩌면 이 책을 읽고 가족과의 공동체가 아닌 내 자신을 스스로 제어하고 변화시킴으로써 가족에게 미치는 영향이라고 판단할수도 있을 것이다.. 그러나 내 자신은 결코 혼자서 이루어진 존재가 아니다.. 가족이 있기에 내가 존재하고 있는 것이다..

그 가족안에서 나는 개인이고 내가 가장 소중한 것 같아도 '나'라는 독립적 개체가 아닌 '우리'라는 공동체 자체이다..

내가 부족하면 우리라는 존재 그 자체가 채워줄 것이다..
막연한 채움이 아닌 진정한 마음과 조건없는 사랑이 바탕이 되어 관계를 맺어 가면 서로 서로의 빈곳이 채워져 '우리'라는 '가족'이라는 든든한 울타기라 되는 것이다..
그런 울타리 안에서 나는 소중함이 되고 싶지 않은가...
소중함이 되고 싶다면 당장 가족과의 관계를 회복하라고 말하고 싶다...

- 접기
안녕반짝 2007-05-14 공감(2) 댓글(0)
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혼자 읽기 아까운 책

성공하는 가족들의 7가지 습관

[[ 읽게된 동기 ]]

스티븐 코비 박사님의 저서들을 몇 권 본적이 있다.
'성공하는 사람들의 7가지 습관', '성공하는 사람들의 8번째 습관'이 그것인데
이 두가지 책을 읽고 나의 생각과 생활습관에 많은 변화가 생겼다.
프랭클린 플래너를 사용하기 시작한 것과 그로인해 많은 사람을 새로 알게 된 것..
7가지 습관대로 살고자 노력하는 훌륭한 사람들이 그렇게나 많다는 것을
그동안 내가 얼마나 비효율적으로 살았는지 등등....
아마도 그 책을 읽은 수많은 사람들이 비슷한 경험을 했을 것이라 생각된다.
2005년 쯤인가..  7가지 습관을 거의 6개월 정도 걸려서 읽었던 것 같다.
그만큼 내용도 많을 뿐 아니라..
그냥 술술 읽을 수 없는, 읽는 도중 앞부분도 수시로 봐야하고
책의 내용과 당시의 자신을 계속 비교해 가며 생각할 것이 아주 많았던 것으로 기억한다.
작년부터인가 머릿속에서 책의 내용이 지워져 갈 때 쯤..
다시 한 번 시간을 내서 꼼꼼히 읽어야겠다고 마음먹었는데...
1년이 다 지나도록 한번 펼쳤던 그 책을 다시 집어들지 못하고 있었다.

그러는 와중에 이 책 '성공하는 가족들의 7가지 습관'이 눈에 띄어
반가운 마음에 얼른 집어 들게 되었는데...
이번엔 열흘정도 만에 읽었으니
3년전 당시보다 책읽는 것에서는 많이 발전하지 않았나 자축해 본다  ^^

[[ 읽는 동안 느낀점 ]]

코비 박사님은 강연을 하시는 분 답게 많은 사람들과 만날 기회가 많으신 것 같다.
그래서 이야깃거리..를 저장해 둔 창고가 아마도 엄청나게 크지 않을까 생각해 본다.
그런 이야기 창고를 바탕으로 책을 쓰시니 그 안에 적혀있는 수많은 실제 이야기들과
코비 박사님의 대가족 사이에서 일어나는 일들을 독자들은 마치 자신의 일인것 처럼
생생하게 전달받고 그분의 말씀-즉 7가지습관-에 더욱 집중하게 된다.

이 책은 이전작인 '성공하는 사람들의 7가지 습관'보다 쉽게 씌여져서
읽어 나가는데 큰 어려움은 없다..
그러나 읽고나서 생각해 보니 쉽게쉽게 읽을 수 있는 사람이 많지는 않을 것 같다
왜냐하면 아직 결혼을 하지 않은 나의 경우에도
책을 읽으며 그 속에 있는 수많은 실제 이야기들을 보며
나의 경우와 비교하고 또 앞으로 결혼해서 가정을 갖게 되면 어떻게 해야 할지
책을 잠시 덮고 생각할 것이 정말 많았는데..
하물며 결혼을 해서 자녀가 있는 사람들이 이 책을 읽으면
아마도 노트에 이것 저것 요약하며 따라서 해야 할 일들을 메모하느라
책을 읽는 진도가 더더욱 느려질 것이기 때문이다..

게다가 책을 읽으면서 주변에서 가정생활에 어려움을 겪는 사람들이
(애들이 말을 안듣는다고 속상해 하는 직장선배나,
와이프하고 된통 싸우고 씩씩거리며 출근한 친구녀석.. 등등)
마구 떠올라 도저히 이 책을 혼자서만 볼 수가 없게 된다...

그래서 내 경우에는
책을 50페이지 쯤 읽었을 때 이 책을 5권 더 주문해서
우리과 직원들에게 선물로 드렸는데..
그 중 한분도 이책을 읽고 생각나는 친구분이 있다고 또 주문을 하셨다고 하니...
이 책의 내용을 구구절절히 소개하는 것보다 훨씬 낫지 않나 싶다..
그래서 [[ 책의 내용 ]]은 과감히 생략!!!

[[ 기억에 남는 구절 ]]

"사람들이 나름대로 최선을 다했을 때에는 그것이 기준에 미치는지 아닌지는 전혀 중요하지 않다"
습관 5 경청한 다음 이해시켜라 편에 나오는 코비박사님의 경험담으로부터의 교훈..

어느날 코비박사님의 고된 여행 끝에 아주 지친몸을 끌고 녹초가 된 상태로 집에 돌아왔는데
하루종일 작업실 청소를 한 아들이 박사님을 맞았다.
아들은 자신이 할 수 있는 최대한의 노력을 다해 작업실을 공들여 청소하느라 지쳐있는 상태에서
아버지(박사님)이 자신을 칭찬해 줄꺼라는 믿음으로 눈빛을 반짝이며 기대하였는데...
박사님은 자신의 기준에 부족한 부분을 지적하며 '이것은 왜 안했니... 저건 왜...'라고
이야기 하셨다.. 순간 아들의 눈에서 빛이 사라지는 것을 보고 즉시 실수한 것을 깨닫고
사과하고 왜 그랬는지 설명했지만 그날 저녁 내내 아들의 눈에서 생기가 돌아오지 않았다...

다른 사람이 주요한 업무와 맡은 일을 완성하였거나 큰 노력이 필요한 일을 완수했을때는
항상 존중과 감사와 칭찬을 해야하는 것이다..
- 접기
mumuki 2008-12-14 공감(2) 댓글(0)
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우리 가족 성공시키기....

이 책은 구입을 하였다. 지침서는 구입을 하는게 좋다는게 나의 생각이여서, 과감하게 구입하였다. 본인은 아들과 딸이 있는 주부이다. 나에겐 항상 배가 아픈것이 있었다. TV에서 보면, 어느 가족은 모두가 성공하였다. 가족의 구성원이 어떻게 전부다 성공할 수 있을까? 나는 의문에 휩싸였다. 그 와중에 이 책을 발견했다. 일전에 나는 [성공하는 10대들의 7가지 습관]을 읽어(아들책을 읽어 보았음) 꾀 좋은 책이라고 생각하였다. 한가지 아쉬운 점이라면, 좀 어렵다는 것이다. 내가 책을 적게 읽어서 일까? 여러운 문장이 많이 있었다. 하지만 내용은 풍족하다. [10대들의...]와 비슷한 형식으로 짜여져 있었다. 이 책의 20%정도는 어려워서 중도 포기 했다. 하루에 한개씩 실천하면 꼭 성공하는 가족이 될것이라고 장담한다.
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The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families: Creating a Nurturing Family in a Turbulent World

by 
 4.08  ·   Rating details ·  10,872 ratings  ·  359 reviews

In his first major work since The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey presents a practical and philosophical guide to solving the problems--large and small, mundane and extraordinary―that confront all families and strong communities. By offering revealing anecdotes about ordinary people as well as helpful suggestions about changing everyday behavior, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families shows how and why to have family meetings, the importance of keeping promises, how to balance individual and family needs, and how to move from dependence to interdependence. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families is an invaluable guidebook to the welfare of families everywhere. (less)

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Harini Gopalswami Srinivasan
Aug 03, 2011rated it it was amazing
Shelves: self-help
I didn't expect to like this book as I have a hefty mental block against self-help books. An earlier occupant of my office had left it on the shelf and I eyed it with contempt for years before curiosity finally drove me to flip through the pages. And wham! I suddenly realized all the hype around Stephen Covey wasn't just hype. He is one of those rare people -- I have known two or three in my life -- with the facility of clear thinking, who intuitively understand cause and effect, and therefore act in such a way as to produce the desired outcome.

Why can't the rest of humankind do this? I really don't know. Once we have it pointed out to us, we see it; but there is a kind of fog around our brains that prevents us seeing it on our own. Why else are there so many frustrated people, so many unhappy families? it's not because we want to hurt ourselves and those around us, it's because we don't understand how to 'begin with the end in mind', to think clearly about where we want to go and chalk out our flight plan to get there.

If you're a confused mortal wondering why nothing works out the way you want it to, read this book! If you can practise the techniques it describes, good for you! And even if you can't do it all the time, you'll still gain a better understanding of yourself and your problems. You may skip a lot of the stories, examples and re-caps, as I did. but you'll still get enough out of the book to make you glad you read it.
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Dennis Mitton
Feb 25, 2014rated it liked it
I’ve resisted the Stephen Covey bandwagon: his particular presentation doesn’t appeal to me. His books – to me – read a bit too much like tracts. And the sappy stories and drawings kind of freak me out. I have an overall sense that he is restraining his desire to preach, to lead me to salvation, to shout ‘AMEN!’ But I won’t for one single second deny that he has an unusual insight and wisdom pertaining to success and purpose.

So I read The Seven Habits for Families. There is a lot in here. So much so that I think this is almost better used as a reference book – something to page through every now and then to mull over for a few days. From my vantage the real value of the book comes in the first few chapters when Covey explores the stimulus-pause-response cycle. Something happens – a child breaks a vase or a dad gets a bonus and we have an inclination to act. Act now. To be in the moment, so to speak. Covey takes some pages to show that this space between action and response is where we are able to direct our futures. Our decisions about how to respond set up our future circumstances. It’s a cycle that we can use to point our lives in a direction of our choosing.

Through the rest of the book he focuses on the Seven Habits with applications for families: priorities, relationships, family and personal growth. He spends a good amount of time on the family business plan: putting together a real document that outlines a family’s core principles, priorities, and goals. Take this with a grain of salt and adjust it to your family situation. Other reviewers point out that a family is not a business or a sports team. True enough. But the truism sums it up: it’s easy to get there when you don’t know where you are going. The family plan is an opportunity to talk about what is important and to set common goals. Nothing has to be written in stone. Real business plans certainly aren’t. They set goals and develop plans for how to reach them and then, at regular intervals, assess how they are doing and make requisite changes. I was impressed that Covey stresses that this is not something that is to be churned out in a weekend by dad – it’s not a rule book. He cautions that everyone in the family must be able to take the time they need to think hard about how they and their desires fit into the family. It’s clear to me that the plan is well in play when you simply start thinking about it.

The book settles nicely into Covey’s folksy, ah shucks writing style. It’s easy to read and easy to digest. Some will call it wishful thinking – this is the new millennium after all. Families look different, entertainment looks different, you can have an electronic pet if you prefer. But I think Covey would say that we still want the same thing: parents want their children to grow up to be kind and respectful. We want to enjoy meaningful time with our family and friends. Children want to be understood and listened to. Though the times change human nature remains the same.

People come to these kinds of books with different expectations. For some the book will provide a few useful tips for navigating your family toward a known goal. Others will find it a godsend of wisdom. I find it hard to imagine a family that couldn’t benefit from a reading of the Habits for Families.
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Mommywest
Mar 26, 2009rated it it was amazing
Written using the same principles that were introduced in the bestselling "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People," Stephen Covey applies The Seven Habits to the family using personal, family, and others' experiences to illustrate each concept. Every chapter includes ways to apply the principles in the family, and ways to teach the principles to your family. I've only read a chapter or two of the first Seven Habits book, and so I enjoyed not only learning about the Seven Habits, but how they apply to the family. Like any program, the Seven Habits takes time and application, and then patience to see results, but the Seven Habits are grounded in truths that will help anyone or any family have better relationships and be more successful in life. I loved the illustrating stories and the personal insights that Dr. Covey, his wife, his family, and others shared to help the reader learn how to apply the principles. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants ideas on how to improve family relationships and create a beautiful family culture.

When we lived in student housing at BYU, our stake president (the leader of several LDS congregations) was John Covey, Dr. Covey's brother. We had the privilege of having a half-day seminar given by John and Stephen Covey based on these principles, with break-out sessions given by his wife and daughters and one of the counselors who also worked for Covey. There was no promotion of the company whatsoever; just an excellent discussion of how to build our little budding families in positive, inspired ways. I've always appreciated the time they took out of their busy lives to teach us the doctrines of Jesus Christ and the practical application of them using the experiences they've had in applying the Seven Habits and other truths.
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Erin
Sep 26, 2012rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
I read this as an audiobook which turned out to be a mistake. It's just too hard to absorb the ideas when you are driving, and I wanted to make notes and had to settle for voice memos. When I do a reread, as I should, I will read the paper or e-version.

That said, it was a sound book with a lot of good suggestions. We are actively working on our family dynamics so that we can bring our a-game in anticipation of another child, and this book gave my husband and I a lot of good talking points. I think that's the key to any self-help book like this: you're not going to change just from reading them, but you'll walk away with ideas and things to discuss with your partner, and that's where the change slowly seeps in. See, even "change" is too strong a word because it implies a problem, and you don't need to have a problem to get something from this book. It's more like adding a weight-lifting program to your fitness regime so that you can tone existing muscles. This helps you tone your family structure.

The 7 habits for my own reference are:

1. Be proactive:
rather than reactive

2. Establish a written family or personal mission statement:
Ok yes, this sounds cheesetastic, and no, we haven't done it yet, BUT it is an interesting discussion to talk about what you each think your family's core mission is. Why are you a family unit? What are you hoping to achieve?

3. Put first things first
Your family is first and should be a top priority. Really, actually schedule it on the calendar and treat it like a business meeting. The time is filled, you can't schedule anything else there. This is such a great suggestion, and one we've already put into practice. I had to turn down a fun invitation this Friday because I'd already committed to a storytime with my son. It was on the calendar, so I had that time blocked out for him, and I knew it was a priority for us.

4. Think "win-win"
Boy, isn't this life with a toddler? Every day we try to give him choices (so he feels independent) that we can live with (so we get what we need too). It seems that this extends into older children and family life.

5. Seek first to understand, then to be understood
I loved this one. One thing Covey said that I had to record was that when you love someone, you must love the things they love as much as you love the person themself to truly accept that person.

6. "Synergize"
Find a way to foster family unity through differences, not in spite of.

7. "Sharpen the saw"
Continually work on these 7 things (Covey offers the analogy of a person sawing for two hours to chop down a tree when someone asks if they have tried sharpening the saw. "are you crazy? I can't stop for that!")
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Heather
Mar 01, 2015rated it it was amazing
I really liked 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and in the context of families it makes even more sense.

7 Habits:
1: Use your agency/be proactive. Use the pause button to use 4 gifts.
2: Begin with the end in mind (personal, spouse, family motto/creed).
3: Put first things first (one-on-one time, family nights).
4. Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
5. Think win-win
6. Synergy
7. Sharpen the saw

Husband's comment: Covey is a genius. He has taken certain practices/principles of the LDS church and made them available to a general audience and made a fortune.
My favorite take away: the Emotional Bank Account; every interaction with a member of your family can either be a deposit or a withdrawal. 
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Teresa Raetz
Jan 01, 2014rated it it was ok
I am an admirer of Stephen Covey and his seven habits so I was primed to like this book. There is some good stuff here about adapting the habits to family life, but the book has three large flaws. First, it's repetitive. The sections could each be about 1/3 to 1/2 the length but he repeats himself over and over. I understand the thing about people needing to hear things seven times to get it but this doesn't work well in a book. Second, Covey has very clear biases in favor of the traditional model where the wife stays home and the husband works (and of course same-sex couples don't exist in this world). He refers to single parents but this is apparently the only time it's acceptable for women to work. He's pretty explicit about this belief, going off on a lengthy tangent a little over halfway through and citing research but conveniently leaving out the research that doesn't support his bias. In a world where most mothers work, he gives no attention to how that changed a family. Then there was this: There are real life stories throughout and in one of them a woman tells a bizarre story from her teenaged years about a movie night at home with her mom, who was pregnant. The mom had a miscarriage while they were home alone but she subverted her feelings when her daughter found her in the bathroom. They cleaned up and went on as normal. The adult daughter reflecting back said "instead of wallowing in her grief...she cared more about my feelings than her own and turned what could have been a traumatic experience for me into a positive one." A POSITIVE experience? I found this disturbing. The mother didn't seek medical care or even have a chance to process the feelings and this is seen as a good thing? This is an example of how NOT to handle a miscarriage in my opinion. I didn't actually finish the book because this stopped me in my tracks. (less)
Katie
Nov 17, 2014rated it it was amazing


Getting through this book was very difficult for me. Not because the content was bad, just because it was very...dense. (Also because I'm bad at reading.) If I was reading very meticulously as I am wont to do, I could only manage a couple pages before my brain was saturated. I think, honestly, it could've done with quite a few less stories and examples, and there were definitely times I felt like though something was quite interesting, it wasn't really necessary. You can tell the guy is very well-learned and...maybe wants to show it. Nevertheless it was all quite fascinating.

The content was really quite good in my opinion, though I'm not quite sure how to describe it. It isn't exactly a 7 step system as one would assume, as those are pretty straightforward. It's more like... 7 methodologies for living? Almost like, psychological principles.

It is definitely very wholesome which I appreciate. He covers the importance of spiritual, social-emotional, physical/economic, and mental aspects of life and their importance. He covers modeling and mentoring. Empathetic LISTENING. Creating a win-win situation instead of the win-lose our culture seems to follow. Making the important (not urgent) a priority in our life.

I would definitely recommend this book to anyone that is a part of a family, wants to have a family, or interacts with people. So basically, everyone. My only hesitation is just the length and density. I know there are abridged versions and cliff notes, those might be able to capture the essential methodologies so if you can't make it through the book, try those. Definitely worth having in your tool bag.
(P.S. I like how for our premarital counseling we were required to read several books that were no where near the quality of this. UGH GET IT TOGETHER, PEOPLE. I would HIGHLY recommend this for anyone getting married or especially recently married. THE END.)
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Barbara
Feb 12, 2010rated it it was amazing
This book is the same content as The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, but with a particular emphasis and examples relating to families. I loved how it taught about teaching your children resposibility and how a parent can help most effectively while still letting your children learn. I am glad I read this book now as a fairly new parent because it has already made several things easier and I feel like a much better parent. Although Thom did not read this specific book, he has read The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and so we have had many good discussions on parenting techniques and what works for us. (less)
Donna
Dec 03, 2017rated it liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
I liked the overall message in this, but with me being such a raging cynic, I struggled with execution. I listened to the audio and it turned me off. It felt like a "let's hold hands - kumbaya fest". I don't know what it is, but that kind of thing gets my hackles up.

However, in spite of the cynic within, I did find that this book has some practical applications for strengthening families and how to keep things on a positive note. Keeping the end result in mind, was something I wholeheartedly agree with....particularly when it comes to discipline.
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Brian Bojo
Aug 05, 2011added it
Shelves: 2010
This book took me a while to read because I took extensive notes, which I do not normally do. Covey's 7 Habits as applied to families seek to promote what Covey calls "a beautiful family culture." The author points out that these habits can be applied to any family at any stage of life. To summarize, the 7 habits are as follows: (1) Be proactive rather than reactive; (2) Establish a written family mission statement and written family values; (3) Make family your top priority; (4) Try to create "win-win" scenarios; (5) Seek first to understand, then to be understood; (6) "Synergize", or put all of these together; and (7) "Sharpen the saw", or continually renew yourself and your family physically, mentally, socially, and emotionally.



Numerous anecdotes throughout the book, which are shared by Covey, his family members, and others, provide excellent illustration of the 7 habits. Those of us who learn well via the case method are well served.
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JC
Oct 07, 2010rated it really liked it
Shelves: kindle2010my-firsttime
I don't know how this book got on my kindle, but I am glad that I took the time to read it. I have never read the first book by Stephen Covey, but must say that I quite enjoyed this book and the habits that are presented here for making your family the most important in your life and the most successfully you can. I really like how this book starts out by talking about how we are off course 90% of the time in the family, and we must constantly work to get things back on track. This is a great reference book and one that I want to get my hands on so that I can write in it, highlight it, and make notes. I will definitely be rereading this book as I wasn't fully ready for all of the guidance given here. I highly recommend this book to everyone, single, married or otherwise. (less)