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All the Young Men Hardcover – 1 December 2020
by Ruth Coker Burks (Author), Kevin Carr O'Leary (Author)
4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 2,055 ratings
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All The Young Men, a gripping and triumphant tale of human compassion, is the true story of Ruth Coker Burks, a young single mother in Hot Springs, Arkansas, who finds herself driven to the forefront of the AIDS crisis, and becoming a pivotal activist in America's fight against AIDS.
In 1986, 26-year old Ruth visits a friend at the hospital when she notices that the door to one of the hospital rooms is painted red. She witnesses nurses drawing straws to see who would tend to the patient inside, all of them reluctant to enter the room. Out of impulse, Ruth herself enters the quarantined space and immediately begins to care for the young man who cries for his mother in the last moments of his life. Before she can even process what she's done, word spreads in the community that Ruth is the only person willing to help these young men afflicted by AIDS, and is called upon to nurse them. As she forges deep friendships with the men she helps, she works tirelessly to find them housing and jobs, even searching for funeral homes willing to take their bodies - often in the middle of the night. She cooks meals for tens of people out of discarded food found in the dumpsters behind supermarkets, stores rare medications for her most urgent patients, teaches sex-ed to drag queens after hours at secret bars, and becomes a beacon of hope to an otherwise spurned group of ailing gay men on the fringes of a deeply conservative state.
Throughout the years, Ruth defies local pastors and nurses to help the men she cares for: Paul and Billy, Angel, Chip, Todd and Luke. Emboldened by the weight of their collective pain, she fervently advocates for their safety and visibility, ultimately advising Governor Bill Clinton on the national HIV-AIDS crisis.
This deeply moving and elegiac memoir honors the extraordinary life of Ruth Coker Burks and the beloved men who fought valiantly for their lives with AIDS during a most hostile and misinformed time in America.
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Length
304
Pages
Language
EN
English
Publisher
Grove Press
Publication date
2020
December 1
Product description
Review
Praise for All The Young Men
UK BESTSELLER
Finalist for the Lambda Literary Award
One of Library Journal's Best Biographies and Memoirs of 2020
"My friend Ruth Coker Burks is one of the most amazing people I know. The care she gave HIV-positive gay men in and around our hometown of Hot Springs, Arkansas during the desperate early days of the AIDS crisis helped them live and die with dignity in the face of stigma and discrimination. In All the Young Men, Ruth tells their stories and hers with the same warmth, wit, grace, and gumption that I have admired for decades. This book will make you love her as much as I do." --President Bill Clinton
"Burks and [O'Leary] balance tragedy with bright moments of joy, sly humor and inspiring empathy in this surprisingly pleasurable memoir." --San Francisco Chronicle
"Throughout the memoir, it's hard not to fall in love with Burks for her big-heartedness and enduring sense of humor in the face of suffering... Burks forges a path alongside these vulnerable men, her embrace of education and rejection of bigotry light the way forward for us all." --BookPage, starred review
A powerful memoir... Burks's spirited, straightforward prose balances the heartbreak of her story with just enough humor and toughness. A must-read for anyone interested in narratives of front-line responses to the early AIDS crisis as well as personal accounts of kindness and determination. --Library Journal, starred review
"Burks' vivid memories of 'my guys' and the trials she endured fighting against prejudice offer a portrait of courageous compassion that is both rare and inspiring . . . [A] deeply moving, meaningful book."--Kirkus Reviews
"Anecdotes of small-town gay bars and drag queen rivalries add levity to tales of hardship and sacrifice--crosses set ablaze on her lawn, her young daughter ostracized at school . . . This worthy account offers as much bitter as sweet." --Publishers Weekly
All The Young Men is an urgent story that needs to be told about the early years of AIDS in the American South. From her first moving encounter with an abandoned young man hours before he died, Ruth Coker Burks cares for ill gay men and fights homophobia with compassion, wit, courage and righteous anger. It's inspiring and compelling to read of her battles against indignities and intimidation, bigoted families and churches, and demeaning health care. The reader cheers her on when Coker Burks finds both opponents and allies in her work. She writes of Jimmy, Howard, Douglas, Danny, Neil, Tim and Jim, Marc, Bob and Phil, Chip, Luke, Angel, Jerry, Misty, Billy and all her 'guys' 'I wanted them to be counted, to have their lives matter.' All The Young Men achieves that beautifully, memorably, in their honour.--ROBERT HAMBERGER, author of A Length of Road
"This crisp, clear book describes without sentimentality the brave story of a woman who sacrificed her standing in her community for men she didn't yet know. At great personal hazard, she managed to love people who had been discarded as unlovable and gave them respect, compassion, and dignity. Many so-called 'inspirational books' are mawkish; this one is merely honest. It is a compelling book about courage and love." --Andrew Solomon, author of The Noonday Demon and Far from the Tree
"An extraordinary tale." --The Evening Standard
"It's a brighter story of human nature...this is a paean to making friendships across boundaries, to being kind even when the cost is nearly unbearable." --The Guardian
"Kevin Carr O'Leary has taken Burks' stories and turned them into a beautiful book, catching her Southern sass and charm." --The Sunday Times
"Burks's mission, once surreptitious, is no longer a secret." --People
"In those desperate early days, thank God Ruth Coker Burks was there to stand up against fear and stigma."--President Bill Clinton
This astonishing modern-day Good Samaritan story will move you to tears of sadness and outrage, but also buoy you. For Coker Burks is a do-gooder with sass. And hers is a story of ordinary but heroic human empathy that we could all do with reading right now. --CAROLINE SANDERSON, The Bookseller
"If you are hungry for a humane approach to an epidemic, read this astonishing book." --Richie Jackson, author of Gay Like Me
"Ruth's gumption to do what's right and the way it constantly guides her is a gift to the rest of us. She is full of compassion and a firm, deep-seated belief that all people are worthy human beings. She saw an injustice and acted . . . This book is perfect for the time we are in right now . . . Vastly transcends what readers will first hear about it." --Sheryl Cotleur, Head Buyer, Copperfield's Books, Sebastopol, CA
About the Author
Ruth Coker Burks was a young single mom in Hot Springs, Arkansas who cared for people with AIDS when no one else would in the 1980s and 1990s. With no medical background, Ruth single-handedly created a network of care, and saw to the final resting places of roughly a thousand men abandoned by families and neglected by medical professionals. For 30 years, Ruth has been an advocate for the LGBTQ community. She currently resides in Northwest Arkansas.
In the summer of 1997, Kevin Carr O'Leary was 21 and a recent graduate of Wesleyan University when he started work at Poz, a landmark magazine about living with HIV. He has since co-written five New York Times non-fiction best sellers, including Strength in Stillness with Transcendental Meditation instructor Bob Roth, This Is Me with actress Chrissy Metz, and Open Book with singer Jessica Simpson. He lives in Brooklyn with his husband and two children.
Product details
Publisher : Grove Press (1 December 2020)
Language : English
Hardcover : 304 pages
ISBN-10 : 0802157246
ISBN-13 : 978-0802157249
Dimensions : 14.99 x 3.56 x 23.11 cmBest Sellers Rank: 515,131 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)56 in AIDS (Books)
493 in Nosology
514 in Infectious DiseasesCustomer Reviews:
4.7 4.7 out of 5 stars 2,055 ratings
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Top reviews from Australia
Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars what an amazing womanReviewed in Australia on 30 September 2023
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I loved this book. Ruth what a beautiful person you are, thank goodness for people like you. Very inspirational. I hope you realise how much you changed things for the better. Congratulations
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gamann
5.0 out of 5 stars Every person today should read this book on CARING!Reviewed in Australia on 17 July 2021
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With our world today turning more and more inward with selfishness and “don’t care” attitudes, everyone could learn the most valuable lesson of this young woman on how to care and “give a damn” for her fellow human. An incredible book of love and caring for other people at times when they cannot care for themselves. The pleasure of giving is enough of a reward. People today could learn an awful lot from this book and even more if they put that caring into practice!
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Rebecca E.
5.0 out of 5 stars Best book I have read in a long time- what an amazing life!Reviewed in Australia on 13 May 2021
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I could not put this books down. you would think the topic might make it a sad read, but while of course there are sad moments what you really get is how amazing humans can be, even in the hardest of times.
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scott bray
5.0 out of 5 stars A must readReviewed in Australia on 21 February 2021
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I couldn’t put this down. This is an amazing, yet heart breaking story. Ruth is my new hero and what she did for these guys as society abandoned them was amazing. In amongst the sadness there are moments of humour and endless tales of compassion. Thank you Ruth.
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Hazes
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read!Reviewed in Australia on 16 March 2021
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An amazing read. I couldn't put it down. So sad and inspirational at the same time. If only we all had her courage to stand up and care for our fellow human beings in time of need!
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Megan Pentecost
5.0 out of 5 stars Incredible story of a very brave and caring womanReviewed in Australia on 3 April 2021
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A very inspirational story of a life dedicated to others
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Em Jay Reads
5.0 out of 5 stars A great snapshot of a time and place. Highly recommended!Reviewed in Australia on 3 December 2020
ALL THE YOUNG MEN is one of those books that produced so many varied and opposing emotions in me. I cried. I laughed. I was angry. I was in awe of Ruth Coker Burks who single handedly did so much to help an already ostracised group of people that society, and especially their own families, shunned because of their illness.
The story is divided between the lives of the AIDs sufferers Burks helps and her own hardship-filled life that I found just as interesting.
Both stories are set against the 1980s background when the stigma of an HIV or AIDS diagnosis came with prejudice and fear. The story also highlights the hypocrisy of religion and the astonishingly sexist and insincere attitudes prevalent in Arkansas at the time.
The writing flows nicely, and is both candid and emotive. I found the book a great snapshot of a time and place.
Highly recommended!
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Monica Mac
5.0 out of 5 stars The most moving book I have ever read.Reviewed in Australia on 5 December 2020
In my opinion, this book should be required reading for kids in high school. It is a powerful account of the early days of the AIDS crisis and the attitudes that people had towards the LGBTI community.
I have to tell you that I both laughed and cried throughout this book. I also cheered on Ruth Coker Burks, who is one heck of a woman!! Anything you want done, I reckon she would be your gal, truly. I loved the passages in the book where she puts on her best clothes and her highest heels and then goes and gets what she needs for "her guys". This lady truly deserves all the accolades that anyone could possibly get and I wish I could give her a hug. But I digress.
Ruth is a young, single mum living in Arkansas, and she is a woman of strong faith. She is supporting a friend in hospital when she comes across a poor guy who is being neglected by the nurses because he has AIDS. This is back in 1986 when AIDS was a death sentence. I remember the early days of the AIDS crisis too, and there was a LOT of fear in the community. For a time, we honestly didn't know how the virus spread and because everyone who got it, died, people were genuinely terrified for their lives. Of course, we all know better now, but it is something to keep in mind.
At the time the AIDS crisis was just beginning, I was a 17 year old girl who had just left home. I had gay friends and actually went to my first drag show when I was 17 (underage of course, but they let me in anyway). I agree with Ruth, after you have been to a drag show, a straight pageant is really a bit boring! I remember everyone talking about AIDS and how it was a gay disease. My gay friends were scared but I don't remember ever been scared of THEM and life just continued on as normal. There was a lot of fear mongering on the TV though, that I remember very well. Little kids who got the virus from blood transfusions and being kicked out of kindergarten, that sort of thing.
Anyway, this book is all about people's attitudes about others who were gay, or otherwise not living life the way they thought they should, and the way that Ruth became the "go-to girl" when you had a guy infected with the virus who didn't have anyone else. I can't even imagine how it was, to spend time with these young men, watching them fade away, and knowing that their families were living so close by but wanted nothing to do with them. It really was appalling. So much ignorance!! So much snobbery towards Ruth too. The attitudes of some of the Church members shocked me the most though, wow.
This book was not all doom and gloom though. One of the stand-out messages for me was that family can be anyone - blood or not. Ruth didn't have a lot of family, she had her daughter Allison and that was about it. She had a few good friends, but so many in the LGBTI community became her family and that was just so beautiful to read. I LOVED that Allison was such a fantastic, kind little girl who loved Ruth's guys just as much as Ruth did and I am sure that she gave them a lot of love and comfort too. And Paul - what a special man :) Ruth's friendship with Billy made my heart feel really full as well.
Big sigh. It has taken me a full 24 hours after finishing this book, to think about what to write and I still don't think I have done this book justice. My big hope is that people know better now and all those people who judged, rejected and were downright nasty back in the 80's and 90's, have gotten themselves educated and are better people now. Human nature being what it is though, that probably isn't the case :(
Just read it!!
5 stars from me.
Thank you to NetGalley and Grove Press.
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Top reviews from other countries
Pennylope
5.0 out of 5 stars A true storyReviewed in the United Kingdom on 11 November 2023
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I was nursing in the 80s when AIDS was terrifying for everyone. This book shows how one woman in the USA helped those no one else would and how despite the stigma that became attached to her too, that’s she carried on, to support and care for these men.
A story I won’t forget.
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Asmodeus Ex
5.0 out of 5 stars amazing bookReviewed in Germany on 17 September 2023
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very well written, absolutely worth the read
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Paisley Princess
5.0 out of 5 stars She Saw To It That Their Souls Were NOT RotReviewed in the United States on 13 July 2023
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In 1986 AIDS hysteria was in its fever pitch. Ruth Coker Burks visits her friend in the hospital when she sees what would change her life: a young man, alone, treated by hospital staff as if he has the plague. The man was dying from AIDS, and Ruth took it upon herself to make sure he didn’t die alone. It was at that moment that Ruth became an AIDS activist.
Ruth Coker Burks didn’t have to be an activist. She was a southern woman with southern sensibilities, living in a state where many saw AIDS as God’s punishment. She was raising a child alone, and she had a stable career. But she soon realized that there were many men, often disowned from their families, who were dying alone. If their families, hometowns, or their state wouldn’t give them their human dignity, SHE would.
The more we see of Ruth’s AIDS activism, the more we see how inhumane humans can be. Ruth and her child are shunned by her community, received death threats, and even had a burning cross put on her lawn. Worse, we see how horrific those who were dying/and or died of AIDS were treated. The level of hatred you will read in “All the young men” will bring you to tears. I was brought to tears. Nevertheless, Ruth stayed courageous, becoming family to many who had none.
I remember the AIDS epidemic in the 80s. The hysteria behind it was driven by fear, ignorance, and homophobia. Eventually life-prolonging drugs became available, which meant AIDS wasn’t an automatic death sentence anymore. Even in the south, AIDS awareness resulted in more services available for those with AIDS, which meant Ruth wasn’t needed anymore. Progress isn’t always good, and sometimes it’s just…Progress.
Ruth Coker Burkes never questioned whether what she was doing was right or if it was worth the sacrifice. She didn’t need to, because when you know you’re doing right, there is no sacrifice.
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tj2094
5.0 out of 5 stars A must readReviewed in the United States on 16 November 2023
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All the raw emotion and compassion come through in the stories of these young men and a kind hearted stranger who makes it her mission to give them some dignity during the early days of the aids crisis in small town Arkansas.
Keep the tissue handy.
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Margaux H
5.0 out of 5 stars There are no words to express my love for this bookReviewed in France on 15 April 2022
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Ruth Coker Burks is the strongest, kindest, most inspiring person I have ever read about. This story is so, so important to read. All these men who died, in such terrible ways... it's gut-wrenching. All those people who hated them and rejected them... it's enraging. And I also think about all the partners and friends who lost someone they loved and cherished.
I cannot imagine how heartbreaking it must have been for Mrs. Burks. All that struggle and loss she faced alone (or almost, her daughter was with her, of course). Especially losing Billy, her best friend.
I didn't think people could be so good to others. It gives me hope.
This book is both heartbreaking and heartwarming. I am so glad I bought it.
Thank you, Ruth Coker Burks, for all your hard, painful, crucial work and for all your boundless and selfless care and love.
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