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Kiwiflora
732 reviews
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December 20, 2012
I work closely with terminally ill patients, helping them compile biographies of their lives to leave their families. And yet this process is as much about the patient as it is about the legacy being left. Is there anything more cathartic and indulgent than telling a complete stranger stories about your life, and then seeing it in writing and adorned with photos? For the patient it gives dignity and honour at a difficult time. For me, and I imagine other biographers, it is perhaps one of the most humbling and humane things that can be done for another person. And brings home to me, so much younger than most of the patients I deal with, the title of this book - how the dying teach us to live.
Death is a subject that in our Western civilisation bubble, we choose not to think about until we are suddenly confronted with it. In the flood of emotions that corkscrew through us, we find death is something we are really quite ill equipped to deal with. This beautifully written, and at times achingly sad book lifts the lid on, quite simply, what it is like to die. The author is a psychologist/psychotherapist who specialises in caring for palliative care patients. She works mainly in hospice settings in France. This book has been translated from French. This woman has compassion in buckets, and it seems to me walks a very fine line between her professional role in caring for the patient, and her instincts as a human being to nurture and love those she is caring for. She takes a number of patients of various ages suffering from various illnesses - cancer, aids, motor neurone - and shows us that one's last journey need not be as sad, awful, and heartbreaking as we think it is. By giving these patients dignity, talking to them, letting them talk, not wallowing in sadness when with them, the whole business takes on new and uplifting meaning.
The most important things I got out of this book? The importance of a smile, the importance of the touch of hand on hand, and what it really means to be human.
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Davide
226 reviews
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October 17, 2019
Sono arrivato a questo volume per vie strane: un appunto scribacchiato su un postit in un volume ricevuto in regalo rimandava a "La morte amica". La ricerca infruttuosa per i canali di acquisto ufficiali, ed il reperimento attraverso aNobii (grazie, Lunadinverno), e finalmente la lettura.
Un libro che parla di morte. Una morte dura, difficile. Quella dei malati terminali. L'autrice racconta la propria esperienza in uno dei primi reparti di cure palliative della Francia (siamo nei primi anni '90), dove si assitono pazienti che non hanno più prospettiva di guarigione, ma solo della fine.
E colpisce l'umanità, l'amore, l'arrichimento che queste persone riescono a comunicare. Quando il senso di sconfitta lascia il posto alla consapevolezza della morte, un mondo di profonda umanità si dischiude agli occhi di chi sa coglierlo, offrendo una reciprocità di sentimenti difficile persino da spiegare.
Eppure traspare, netta, a dispetto del comune pensare, la gioia di chi è riuscito a vivere con pienezza i suoi ultimi giorni.
Offrendoci una lezione (ma senza cattedra) che vale la pena di essere ascoltata.
I arrived at this volume by strange ways: a note scribbled on a postit in a volume received as a gift referred to "La morte amica". The fruitless search for the official purchasing channels, and the retrieval through aNobii (thanks, Winter Moon), and finally the reading. A book about death. A hard, difficult death. That of the terminally ill. The author recounts her experience in one of the first palliative care wards in France (we are in the early 1990s), where patients who no longer have the prospect of recovery, only the end, are cared for. And the humanity, the love, the enrichment that these people are able to communicate is striking. When the sense of defeat gives way to the awareness of death, a world of profound humanity opens up to the eyes of those who know how to grasp it, offering a reciprocity of feelings that is difficult even to explain. Yet the joy of those who managed to fully live her last days shines through, despite common thinking. By offering us a lesson (but without a professorship) that is worth listening to.
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Sasha Lynn
74 reviews
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2 followers
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August 10, 2014
I couldn't put this book down. It was written in an almost simplistic way, detailing her work in a palliative care hospital and it was nice. I felt almost as if I was having a conversation with her. I loved how even though death was the main focus it was also about life, love, kindness, and learning to be one with yourself. This book inspired me to try to be a little nicer to everyone and to open up in different little ways.
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Leggere A Colori
437 reviews
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9 followers
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November 24, 2014
Una testimonianza, un tratto della sua biografia, della sua vita professionale all’interno dell’Hospice, scritta con enorme energia e passionalità. C’è l’introduzione di monsieur Mitterrand, anche la testimonianza di una sua visita informale ed esperienza in codesta struttura, tanti casi end-life, lezioni di vita da chi sta per morire…
Continua a leggere su http://www.leggereacolori.com/letti-e...
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Liz
3 reviews
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March 1, 2019
Amazing insight and very touching.
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Vijaya
28 reviews
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November 11, 2020
"It is a mark of his curiosity about this place where death is neither played down nor played up, simply accompanied, and which is not a house of death but of life."
"No, we do not clamp a lid on people's pain, as if we refuse to see or hear it, and if we envelop it, it's in a mantle of warmth and tenderness, to make it just that little bit easier to bear."
~ Marie de Hennezel
This book, originally written in French by Marie de Hennezel and translated to English by Carol Brown Janeway addresses the sensitive topic of death and dying. The original author, Marie de Hennezel, a psychologist and psychotherapist shares her own experience of working with terminally ill patients in palliative care centres in France. She addresses fears and doubts in the minds of patients and their families admitted to the centre. She writes about the kind of utmost attention and care given to them to minimise their suffering. The book also reflects upon how professional caregivers help and support each other in grieving and healing after the death of patients they deeply cared for.
I don't think my words can bring justice to Marie De Hennezel's professional work. She was an esteemed psychologist entrusted with the job of creating awareness about palliative care by health ministry of France. In his foreword to the book, the late president of France, François Mitterrand writes, 'This book is a lesson in living'. The foreword along with the title of the book makes me think that I didn't absorb the essence of the book completely.
What put me off: On one hand, Marie de Hennezel comes across as an epitome of kindness and on the other as a judgemental person. There were several instances where the author interprets the actions of patients into something that fits her understanding to produce philosophical meanings out of it. I found it to be problematic.
The writing is simple. It's a small book with 190 odd pages. I want to read this book again in the future to understand the parts I wasn't able to understand this time.
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N
140 reviews
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23 followers
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September 15, 2019
Engem érdekel a tanatológia, ami a halál illetve a haldoklás tudományával foglalkozik. Polcz Alaine minden könyvét, cikkét stb. elolvastam, mert valaha volt késztetésem arra , hogy hospice alapítványnál, vagy intézményben dolgozzak. A családom nem engedte és ezt tiszteletben tartva, elvetettem a tervemet. Tudomásul vettem, hogy ami engem érdekel, foglalkoztat, esetleg ebben is dolgozzak, az nem csak rám lenne hatással, hanem a környezetemre is. Ez rendben is van, nem erről akarok beszélni. Hanem arról, hogy mi ez a könyv, és milyen az összes többi ilyen könyv, ami az elmúlásról, az elengedésről szól. Minden kultúrában más megközelítése van ennek a témának. Van, ahol őszintén, nyíltan beszélnek róla, az élet velejárójának tekintik és van, ahol, tabutéma, ahol kerülik, nemcsak a halálon való gondolkodást, hanem magát a haldokló embernek az ezzel járó kérdéseit, vágyait, a még elrendezni való teendőit sem veszik figyelembe. Nem fogom most egyértelműen kimondani, hogy ez a félelemből, az ezzel kapcsolatos tudatlanságból és sok minden egyébből ered, mert bár így igaz, de ki ne félne, ha már benne van az elmúlás folyamatában és tudja, hogy kevés az ideje. Ez a könyv azt mutatja be, arról beszél, hogy mit lehet egy olyan helyzetben tenni, mit lehet mondani, mire kell figyelni, amikor egy már nagyon beteg emberrel találkozunk? Mire van szüksége, milyen gondolatai vannak, emlékei, mit szeretne még az élettől és mit a haláltól? De ez csak az egyik oldal, hogy erről beszélni tudjon a szenvedő. Arról is beszél, és nagyon bölcsen teszi ezt, hogy mi a dolga annak, aki ott ül az ágy szélén, figyel és meghallgat. Csendet őriz és békességet ad.
Nem olyan könyv ez, tudom, amit mindenki el akarna olvasni, hanem olyan könyv, amit mindenkinek érdemes lenne.
I am interested in thanatology, which deals with the science of death and dying. All of Polcz Alaine's books, articles, etc. I read it because I once had the urge to work at a hospice foundation or institution. My family didn't allow it, and respecting that, I abandoned my plan. I took it for granted that what interests me, interests me, and maybe I should work on it, would not only affect me, but also my environment. That's fine, that's not what I want to talk about. But about what this book is, and what all other such books are like, which are about passing away, about letting go. Every culture has a different approach to this topic. There are places where they talk about it honestly and openly, it is considered an inherent part of life, and there are places where it is a taboo subject, where it is avoided, not only thinking about death, but also the questions, desires, and tasks of the dying person themselves that come with it are not taken into account. I won't clearly state now that this stems from fear, ignorance and many other things, because although that is true, who wouldn't be afraid if they are already in the process of passing away and know that their time is short. This book presents, talks about what can be done in a situation, what can be said, what should be paid attention to when we meet a person who is already very sick? What do you need, what are your thoughts, memories, what else do you want from life and what from death? But this is only one side, so that the sufferer can talk about it. He also talks, and he does so very wisely, about what is the job of the one sitting on the edge of the bed, watching and listening. It keeps quiet and gives peace. This is not a book that everyone would want to read, I know, but a book that everyone should read.
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Abc
862 reviews
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February 2, 2022
Questa è stata una lettura insolita perché parla di un tema, la morte, che molto spesso releghiamo in un angolino remoto della nostra mente e lo lasciamo lì, considerandolo un tabù, qualcosa di cui è meglio non parlare.
Il libro è scritto da una psicologa che lavora in un hospice, un reparto dedicato ai malati terminali. Malati che non possono più essere sanati dalla medicina, ma che hanno bisogno di un altro tipo di cura, una cura affettiva, che li aiuti ad affrontare il più serenamente possibile gli ultimi giorni della loro vita.
Marie sottolinea più volte la necessità di non celare al malato il suo destino, di non fingere che possa guarire. Infatti molto spesso i malati sono consapevoli di ciò che li attende e hanno bisogno di essere accompagnati, di avere accanto persone che riconoscono il loro stato di moribondi e li sostengono in questi ultimi passi. Essere circondati da parenti che negano la possibilità della morte, infatti, non permette di fare i conti con ciò che sta accadendo e, paradossalmente, non fa altro che generare ansia e paura.
È stata una lettura molto interessante, che mi ha fatto riflettere su molte cose. Purtroppo mi rimane il sospetto che le esperienze raccontate siano state un po' edulcorate perché vengono sempre narrate storie di pazienti "a lieto fine", che sono riusciti a chiudere gli occhi serenamente e in pace col mondo. Avrei preferito che ci fosse stata anche la narrazione di storie meno rassicuranti, magari di persone morte in solitudine, senza la vicinanza dei loro parenti, oppure di persone che non sono riuscite a fare i conti con l'epilogo della loro vita.
Insomma ok parliamo di morte e non consideriamola un tabù, ma se poi ne possiamo parlare soltanto in modo "positivo" non è un po' come celare comunque qualcosa?
This was an unusual reading because it talks about a topic, death, that we very often relegate to a remote corner of our mind and leave it there, considering it a taboo, something it's better not to talk about. The book is written by a psychologist who works in a hospice, a ward dedicated to the terminally ill. Sick people who can no longer be cured by medicine, but who need another type of treatment, emotional care, which helps them to face the last days of their lives as serenely as possible. Marie underlines several times the need not to hide her fate from the patient, not to pretend that he can recover. In fact, very often the sick are aware of what awaits them and need to be accompanied, to have people beside them who recognize their dying state and support them in these final steps. Being surrounded by relatives who deny the possibility of death, in fact, does not allow us to come to terms with what is happening and, paradoxically, does nothing but generate anxiety and fear. It was a very interesting read, which made me think about many things. Unfortunately, I still suspect that the experiences told have been somewhat sweetened because stories of patients with "happy endings" are always told, who have managed to close their eyes serenely and at peace with the world. I would have preferred that there had also been the narration of less reassuring stories, perhaps of people who died alone, without the closeness of their relatives, or of people who have not been able to come to terms with the epilogue of their lives. So ok let's talk about death and not consider it a taboo, but if we can only talk about it in a "positive" way, isn't it a bit like hiding something anyway?
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Ashley McMullen
292 reviews
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November 10, 2020
This book was gifted to me by a college A&P professor when I asked her what book changed her life (or her perspective on life). She pulled this off of her shelf and told me to keep it. That was in 2008, and I just now got around to reading it. Poignant and like having a conversation with a beloved friend, this book very lovingly offers a solace to the topic of death while also showing the compassion, humility, and love that can be shown and given during the last stages of a person's life. It offers lessons on how to show the dying that you care, even if that's as simple as sitting in the same room silently with them, offering a hand to hold, or asking them simply to talk about what they're afraid of.
Listening, and truly caring, seem to be the main themes of Hennezel's methods for providing an open, accepting space for those who are in their last chapters of this life. Her stories were heart-warming, touching, moving. They made me rethink the concept of death while also offering peace and solace in my own personal view of it. They also gave me new perspectives on how to be with someone who is dying - whether it's a terminal illness, or otherwise.
I highly recommend this book. Its lessons on compassion and tenderness are worth it alone, but the stories are well-written, and lovingly penned.
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Gonçalo Ferreira
165 reviews
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10 followers
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November 13, 2020
Prefácio de François Mitterrand (Presidente da França de 1981 até 1995)
"...após ter eu própria recebido uma formação adequada de haptonomia (aproximação táctil afectiva), que abre incontestavelmente caminhos para uma maneira de ser mais humana. Sob a direcção do seu fundador, Frans Veldman, desenvolvemos e amadurecemos as nossas faculdades humanas de contacto, aprendemos, se assim posso dizer, a «ousar» encontrar outro ser humano ao tocar-lhe."
Marie de Hannezel - "Diálogo com a Morte"
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Cheong Ng
11 reviews
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August 6, 2021
Mentioned in Ana Sale's "Let's talk about hard things", this was a lovely look into the world of palliative care. Makes me want to ask my father about his time volunteering in such a unit in the hospital. Also gives a glimpse into the moments right before death, that people want to be treated as they were before before disease/ailment and the courage of the nurses to both keep their composure and treat others with respect at their most vulnerable moments. If only all of us could treat death this way. A true gem of a book.
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Kara
219 reviews
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July 26, 2022
“When people leave us, where do they go?”
Nursed a dull headache as I read this. Too intimate, and sometimes too close to home. Brought me back too vividly to places I’m not sure I’m ready to return to yet. I think I should’ve read this early in season two. But then again. Perhaps it came to me only when it had to.
Tam recommended this, ordered from Thriftbooks and it took more than a month to arrive in Manila.
mirrors
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Martina Frullanti
1 book
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August 16, 2022
Un libro per condividere la scoperta “che lo spazio-tempo della morte è, per chi accetta di entrarci e di guardarla al di là dell’orrore, un’occasione indimenticabile di intimità”.
Un diario di parole dall’eternità, di ore passate vicino alla fine della vita. Una testimonianza toccante e profonda dell’esperienza umana.
“Un messaggio struggente: non ignorate la vita, non ignorate l’amore.”
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Daniela Pavesic
10 reviews
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June 5, 2022
In seguito a un lutto che mi ha colpito particolarmente, ho deciso di approfondire il tema della morte. Nella bibliografia di un libro ho trovato questo testo e ho deciso di leggerlo.
Ho iniziato a capire un po' di più la amore e soprattutto rispettarla.
Consigliatissimo a tutti.
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Myriam
7 reviews
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1 follower
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September 18, 2019
On ne peut que saluer l'authenticité d'un tel ouvrage et sa justesse...
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Marjo_Aquene
25 reviews
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September 29, 2019
Ce livre contient un témoignage très fort émotionnellement et très enrichissant. Merci
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Larada Horner-Miller
6 books
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31 followers
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December 3, 2019
Wow! I finished it & my beliefs about death are altered forever!
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Joukje
120 reviews
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August 18, 2022
Doodgaan is iets waar wij bang voor zijn. Het is fijn als iemand je bijstaat, naar je luistert en je vasthoudt.
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Sean Goh
1,452 reviews
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June 1, 2018
Every now and then I read a book that makes me pause now and then, simply because of emotion welling up. This is one of those books. Renamed "Seize the Day" (but with the same subtext), Marie DeHennezel deftly overturns the notion that a pallative care unit is filled with gloom and despair, instead showing the ignorant how everything changes once one comes to terms with mortality, the earlier, the better.
A must-read, especially for doctors, who deal with death and the dying all the time.
___
Death is like a ship sailing away towards the horizon. There's a moment when it disappears. But just because you can't see it
anymore doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
This kind of speech is more abrupt and stiff, but it's also without artifice, and so more honest.
One always finds out too late that the miracle and the moment are the same.
Doing nothing so as to avoid dying is not a life! So I go forward, aware of the risks. Paralysis and immobility are not living!
If you want to escape, you have to take a big chance.
There's nothing to understand. There's no point in trying to understand. It's all a mystery. You just have to live the mystery.
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Kris
2 reviews
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May 5, 2008
This is one of the most incredible books about death and dying that I've ever read. Marie De Hennezel invites us into her work as a psychologist in a palliative care unit in France. She provides stunning portraits of her "patients" who in their deaths have taught her how to live. This confirmed so much of my intuitions about my own work as a vigil volunteer for our local hospice--things I've suspected as I've journey with others during their last hours but couldn't articulate or couldn't confirm. The insights in this book have also helped me understand things I've seen, but not understood. But most importantly, this book takes a step toward reorienting our culture from its disfunctional and damaging fear of death. By reclaiming death as a profound and sacred part of life, De Hennezel gives the living a true gift.
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Erika
602 reviews
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June 14, 2013
Listening at Mass tonight I could better understand about paying to the last penny all the knots in our personal reletionships...and our need to reconcile with our brothers before we make an offering. Where there are old divisions in our conscience we have to make every effort to make peace.
Marie de Hennezel shares her personal experience of listening and tender affection with several people in their last days. We get many useful clues about listening, affection and collected presence. How beautifully she was able to put people at peace and find the desires that needed to be fulfilled.
With several older people in my life right now, my concerns are the ones she wrote about.
Loaned to me at Saint Leu by Nicole G.
Why are we all so deaf and blind....? The right approach and the right distance adjusted to the person's needs.
non-fiction-and-other
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Youssef Sebti
28 reviews
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December 25, 2016
Ce livre m'a énormément touché. Je ne vais pas mentir, j'ai dû verser une petite larme, les émotions que m'ont procuré cette lecture ont franchement dépassé ma fierté d'homme. Mais effectivement quoi de plus intime que les derniers instants de sa vie ? L'autrice de ce livre est une psychologue qui accompagne les malades dans la fin de leurs existences; qui a eu l'audace et le courage ( et heureusement ) de briser le tabou de la mort sans pour autant détruire l'aura de mystère et le caractère mystique qui l'entoure. Marie de Hennezel nous raconte la fin de chaque patient qu'elle a rencontré et aidé et chaque mourant donne sa part de leçon et d'émotions. On a tous besoin d'un livre pareil qui nous rappelle à quel point la vie est inestimable. Un bouquin triste mais qui remonte le moral.
This book touched me a lot. I'm not going to lie, I had to shed a little tear, the emotions that this reading gave me frankly exceeded my pride as a man. But what could be more intimate than the last moments of his life? The author of this book is a psychologist who accompanies patients at the end of their lives; who had the audacity and the courage (and fortunately) to break the taboo of death without destroying the aura of mystery and the mystical character that surrounds it. Marie de Hennezel tells us about the end of each patient she has met and helped and each dying person gives his share of lessons and emotions. We all need a book like this that reminds us how priceless life is. A sad but uplifting book.
이 책은 나에게 많은 감동을 주었다. 나는 거짓말을하지 않을 것입니다, 나는 약간의 눈물을 흘려야했습니다. 이 독서가 나에게 준 감정은 솔직히 남자로서의 자존심을 넘어 섰습니다. 그러나 그의 삶의 마지막 순간보다 더 친밀한 것은 무엇일까요? 이 책의 저자는 환자의 임종을 함께하는 심리학자다. 신비의 아우라와 죽음을 둘러싼 신비로운 성격을 파괴하지 않으면서 죽음의 금기를 깨는 대담함과 용기(그리고 다행스럽게도)를 가진 사람입니다. Marie de Hennezel은 그녀가 만나고 도왔던 각 환자의 마지막에 대해 이야기하고 죽어가는 각 환자는 자신의 교훈과 감정을 공유합니다. 우리 모두는 삶이 얼마나 소중한지 일깨워주는 이와 같은 책이 필요합니다. 슬프지만 위로가 되는 책.
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Linda Robinson
4 books
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129 followers
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September 22, 2010
Amazing book, written with a good heart and finely expressive language. Quite intimate, but there is no sense of invading anyone's privacy; the subject and people are clearly cared for, about, and well. The last time this book was checked out was in 2006, and only a few times before that, with a publication date of the 90s, it's clear that death is not what Americans want to read about. This book should be in everyone's collection for the time when it will be most needed, and everyone will reach that time and everyone will need someone to attend, accompany and care.
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Jill
35 reviews
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October 31, 2010
In the past several years because of deaths close to me, I have noticed that we do not do death well in the US. It does not seem to be discussed and few people are comfortable speaking with people who have had someone close die. This book changes all of that. In addition to a passionate, caring description of the process of dying, it also promotes the idea that there is something beyond, which I find comforting. Though it sounds like a sad book, it is just the opposite.
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Lael
34 reviews
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March 19, 2007
My father had hospice care before he died in 1996. Reading this book later helped me put to rest some of the questions I had about what he might have been experiencing, whether my family and I had done everything “right” to help him, etc. A very thoughtful book that addresses a subject American culture is mostly loath to discuss.
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Linda
209 reviews
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July 20, 2012
Written during the beginning of the AIDS crisis AND the beginning of palliative care in France. Stories and thoughts are just as applicable today. It was interesting to read her latest book, "The Art of Growing Old" first, and see how the author's life view has developed since she wrote "Intimate Death".
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Sambasivan
939 reviews
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December 3, 2015
Simple but powerful writing. Tugs at your heart. The kind of work the author does for the palliative care of dying patients where no solution is available from medical science, is admirable, to say the least. The foreword by the French Prime Minister clearly shows the impact her work has had on the people of Paris.
Must read.
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aayushi
116 reviews
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176 followers
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November 9, 2018
This book is a substantiation of the undying human spirit. Marie spends time with people who are terminally ill, waiting for death. The way Marie is fearless and brave to let her heart break is inspiring. The book which has 'dying' in it's title teaches not just about death, but compassion, kindness, relationships and made me aware of my power to touch other people's lives.
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Danielle Angueira
4 reviews
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July 30, 2008
It really shows you how to care for people who are dying and to not be afraid to try and develop a relationship with them. Wonderful for anyone who knows someone that might be close to the end of their life; and so this is a wonderful book for everyone.
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Sue
6 reviews
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2 followers
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April 5, 2009
This book lives up to its title -- it truly is an "intimate" account of Dr. de Hennezel's work with patients at a hospice in France. I learned much about how to create a more intimate relationship with my hospice patients.
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