Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion Paperback – 4 January 2023
In Ejaculate Responsibly, Gabrielle Blair expands on her viral Twitter thread and offers a provocative reframing of the abortion issue. In a series of 25 brief arguments, she deftly makes the case for moving the abortion debate away from controlling and legislating women’s bodies and instead directs the focus on men’s lack of accountability in preventing unwanted pregnancies.
Highly readable, accessible, funny, and unflinching, Blair builds her argument by walking readers through the basics of fertility (men are 50 times more fertile than woman), the unfair burden placed on women when it comes to preventing pregnancy (90% of the birth control market is for women), the wrongheaded stigmas around birth control for men (condoms make sex less pleasurable, vasectomies are scary and emasculating), and the counterintuitive reality that men, who are fertile 100% of the time, take little to no responsibility for preventing pregnancy.
"Blair’s fresh reframe should be required reading for any person who has sex, wants to have sex or is raising someone who might have sex in the future. This slender book has what it takes to be the foundation for a movement."―Washington Post
"Flashes of acerbic humor and eye-opening statistics bolster Blair’s common-sense case. This polemic has the power to change minds."―Publishers Weekly
"Any reader of this gorgeous manifesto, men especially, would be ha rd-pressed to walk away from it without being reminded (*mind blown emoji*) that putting the entire very heavy burden on women to not get pregnant, or to be unable to terminate because of all that’s gone on to make abortion illegal or inaccessible, makes a lot less sense than just not getting them pregnant in the first place."―Oprah Daily
From the Back Cover
ABORTION IS A MEN'S ISSUEBy making the case that men are responsible for all unintended pregnancies, Ejaculate Responsibly turns the usual unproductive and polarizing abortion debate on its head. In 28 brief arguments Gabrielle Blair gets us out of the destructive loop centered on controlling and legislating women's bodies, focuses on men's accountability, and presents a powerful, fair, and effective way out of the abortion impasse.
About the AuthorGabrielle Stanley Blair is the founder of Alt Summit, the blockbuster biannual conference for lifestyle bloggers and creative entrepreneurs, currently in its twelfth year. She is also the founder of DesignMom.com. Started in 2006, it has been named a Website of the Year by Time magazine, praised as a top parenting blog by The Wall Street Journal, Parents, and Better Homes & Gardens, and won the Iris Award for Blog of the Year. Her first book, Design Mom: How to Live with Kids, a New York Times bestseller, was published in 2015 by Artisan. On her website, Gabrielle covers the intersection of design and parenting, with thoughtful posts on topics like how to talk to your kids about sex, family travel, food kids will really eat, political issues, and family-friendly design. Gabrielle and her husband, Ben Blair, have six children – Ralph, Maude, Olive, Oscar, Betty, and Flora June. Her family divides their time between the United States and France.
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Publisher : Workman
Publication date : 4 January 2023
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Top reviews from other countries
Mattie S
5.0 out of 5 stars every man or "pro-life" person needs to read thisReviewed in France on 18 August 2023
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This book is amazing, clear, straightforward, easy to understand. Note to the author: you should partner with an OB-GYN and give conferences in congress (state and federal) where you summarize this book to conservatives dumbwits who put all the responsibility of contraception on women. Also tell them in the clearest way possible that ectopic pregnancies can NEVER EVER be re-implanted.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Great!Reviewed in Belgium on 20 October 2023
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This book offers such a surprising and refreshing perspective! Once you've read it, you wonder how you could have been blind for so long!!! I can't wait for the French version to arrive so I can distribute it around me!!! An important message that makes and will make a difference! There is a before and an after! I highly recommend it! It also reads super fast 😉
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5.0 out of 5 stars Seriously an important book for everyone young and oldReviewed in the United States on 10 January 2025
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Important arguments (many new to me) put forth in a concise and articulate way that is easy to read and understand. Really important concepts for teenagers to take to heart and older people to keep in mind when making decisions. LOVE THIS BOOK.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Everybody shoul read it, from puberty onwardReviewed in Italy on 8 January 2024
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I'm suggesting this little essay to all my friends, as it's a super powerful explanation on how to make feel women free from the stigma of responsibility of unwanted pregnancies and on the other hand it clarifies what are the real fundamental men's responsibilities behind every abortion.
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5.0 out of 5 stars A smart, often amusing, well-researched, important bookReviewed in Spain on 12 November 2022
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Although I am decades past breeding age, I heard about this book and decided I had to read it. Important, timely, wonderful! If I could afford to do so, I would send a copy to the wives and daughters of every cruel, foolish, misogynistic politician who votes against women's health and welfare. As it is, I will simply encourage everyone to read this. Thank you, Mrs Blair.
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5.0 out of 5 stars Required read!
Reviewed in Canada on 27 October 2022
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This book should be required reading for all people! Gabrielle Blair delivers on her promise to reframe the abortion issue by not talking about abortions! Her thoughtful arguments are cleverly worded, succinct and flow to create a narrative. It's a quick read, but one that you can go back to in small chunks or pages at a time. There is so much more information here then was in the original twitter thread.
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I. Read
5.0 out of 5 stars Clear argumentation and an important read
Reviewed in the Netherlands on 20 October 2022
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Gabrielle Blair is a mom of six, a Mormon and she sure knows a thing or two about women's reproductive rights. Clear & easy to read arguments. Read it and talk about it.
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Carol El Hawary
5.0 out of 5 stars Best book I've ever read on preventing abortion
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 6 December 2023
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This is an outstanding book. Using facts, evidence and research (all provided), the author makes an entirely compelling case on the best way to prevent unwanted pregnancies and resulting abortions. Short, easy to read and perfectly uncompromising on where responsibility should truly lie. A masterpiece.
In fact, this book should be required reading for children when they reach puberty. For the boys so that as adult men they can make the choice to ejaculate responsibly, and for the girls so they understand that the enormous burden of preventing unwanted pregnancies does not fall completely to them, as it largely does now. I wish I'd had it when I was that age. I'd have made very different decisions.
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Ana Luiza
5.0 out of 5 stars Must read
Reviewed in Germany on 11 May 2024
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Short, sharp, precise. The content of this book should be obvious, but unfortunately it is not, and that is why this book is so much needed! Just buy it!
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Cliente Kindle
5.0 out of 5 stars Interesting way to discuss an old theme
Reviewed in Brazil on 8 November 2022
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It's a quick (I read it in an afternoon) and refreshing way to discuss the abortion theme, and so obviously logic that it’s a mystery why it has not been done before (not really, the answer is misogyny, as explained in the book). Gabrielle Blair writes in a very clear, easy and pacient way, I believe it's a perfect book to gift tenagers and young adults.
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Jessica Langsen
5.0 out of 5 stars Must read for anyone but parents especially
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 20 October 2022
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Incredible perspective that applies fresh thinking to an old, destructive mindset. I have two boys and this is takeaway I want them bringing to relationships—it’s on them to ensure everyone has a good time without an unintentional pregnancy. “Put responsibility on the people who are capable of making a baby 24/7 from puberty onward, not the ones only capable for 24 hours a month.”
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Laura
5.0 out of 5 stars a vital must read
Reviewed in France on 6 June 2023
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This book. just this book. if it was handed to the people who rule out countries (men) it would heal a lot of things.
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Jules
5.0 out of 5 stars Required reading
Reviewed in Germany on 1 June 2023
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Written in an entertaining and informative way.
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Mom, wife, sister, human
5.0 out of 5 stars Must read book
Reviewed in the United States on 22 August 2024
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I understand that the cover and just the title could be a little off-putting for some people, but it's a scientific word And we should not be afraid to use it. Men do not shoulder the responsibility of unwanted pregnancy and as this book points out, they are responsible for 100% of all unwanted pregnancies. Yes, it takes two to tango of course, but many women are getting pregnant and do not want to be pregnant, might not even want to have intercourse or be sexually assaulted and still paying the consequences of men's actions. It's very quick and to the point, with talking points that will help you have a discussion with anyone who wants to talk to you about women's reproductive rights and health care.
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2 people found this helpful
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Franny Glass
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant book that shifts the conversation
Reviewed in Canada on 18 October 2023
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Gabrielle Blair's book is a must read for teacher's and public health/school nurses who are tasked with educating the next generation about sexual health - specifically birth control.
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars A Very Important Book!
Reviewed in Canada on 20 October 2022
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This is a well thought out argument for why abortion is also a men’s issue. It supports the idea that reducing the amount of abortions would be ideal for everyone. It demonstrates that there is more to talk about than just Pro Choice vs. Pro life. EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS BOOK!
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Loira A.
5.0 out of 5 stars 10/10 recommend to everyone I know
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 24 November 2022
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Don't hesitate in buying this! It's going in everyone's stocking this year. It reframes abortion into a way you can't believe you haven't been thinking about since the beginning. She's not controversial and doesn't include morality or religion in it, but public policy and points of view. I have 3 boys and this was such an important read.
2 people found this helpful
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EDJ
5.0 out of 5 stars Absolutely Brilliant - should be compulsory sex education in high schools
Reviewed in the United States on 1 December 2023
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This book should be part of sex education in every High School possibly around the globe but especially in the western world.
People with penises are more fertile than people with vaginas. They should use condoms or vasectomies during all penetrative sexual encounters unless they are trying (as a couple) to conceive a baby. This would lower the abortion rate. This would lower the spread of STIs. People with penises can, in fact, find brands of condoms that make little or no difference to their personal experience of pleasure.
I kept laughing as I read this book because it packs a brutal punch. Why haven’t people with penises taken as much responsibility for contraception and STI protection as people with vaginas? Why aren’t they boasting about the amazing brands of condoms that offer them protection from both unwanted pregnancy and STIs, and with barely an impact on pleasure? Why aren’t they boasting about their vasectomies and how they recovered within a few days, were back at work and now able to have sex without concern that they might conceive?
People with vaginas have paid a high price using hormonal contraceptives that often do decrease their pleasure and wreak havoc on their bodies and hormones. People with penises need to step up. Everyone wants to see the abortion rate decrease and the most effective way to do that is to educate people with penises how to ejaculate responsibly! It’s actually a no brainer! People with penises actually should be held accountable as much as people with vaginas have been in the past. Gabrielle argues they should be even more accountable because they are statistically, on average, 50 times more fertile.
If I had kids with penises I would teach them this. I will be encouraging family and friends to read it. I think it should be taught in high schools.
I loved this book!
10 people found this helpful
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Philippe PEREIRA
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read!
Reviewed in France on 20 October 2022
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Incredibly fair. This book should be translated into French and read by middle school students. We are in 2022, it is high time for mentalities to change. I recommend!
3 people found this helpful
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Jr Ranger
5.0 out of 5 stars Every young man and woman should read this
Reviewed in the United States on 2 April 2024
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My first review was censored. No idea why. My language here will be more circumspect. I suspect that even repeating the title will trigger a censor-bot, sigh.
The book deserves 5 stars for accuracy and clarity about a subject which rhymes with flex, connects, & complex effects.
The author speaks frankly about little things that come out of men and fertilize things in women to create little people. It talks about taking responsibility for keeping things apart so little people aren't created. It's a short, approachable, non-inflammatory book, appropriate for use in highschool and college health and human (rhymes with ejects) classes. It discussed life choices (can I say that word, choice? Or will that trigger another notification that I've violated community guidelines?)
Written by a married parent of 6, belonging to a well established church, it will be acceptable to all communities, regardless of their stance various social and economic issues.
Get it, read it and pass it along to your favorite fertile man and woman.
7 people found this helpful
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Cierra Block
5.0 out of 5 stars Read it in one sitting
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 20 October 2022
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A must read for anyone wanting to discuss abortion. Gabby examines how our culture puts all the pressure on women to prevent pregnancies, and what we can do to reframe the abortion argument.
The brilliant thing is she doesn't ascribe religious or moral attributes to the argument. I'm recommending it to everyone I know.
2 people found this helpful
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Laura
5.0 out of 5 stars Mind blown!
Reviewed in Canada on 19 October 2023
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Everyone should read this book - women and men. The information is straightforward and factually correct and well-laid out in an easy to read and understand manner. It really is a whole new way to think about abortion.
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Gabby
5.0 out of 5 stars A Must Read
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 22 October 2022
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Easy read with well thought out arguments on the abortion debate. Really expands on the author's original Twitter thread with very clear citations and sources.
2 people found this helpful
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Sara
5.0 out of 5 stars Got 90 minutes? (or less) Read this!
Reviewed in the United States on 31 December 2023
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This little book packs a big punch. It should be required reading for every person on the planet above age 14, and every religious, conservative politician or Supreme Court Justice should be required to read it twice. Gabrielle knows of what she speaks. With 28 different arguments she tells us how unwanted pregnancies can be massively reduced when men inform themselves and prepare themselves to step up and support their wives, girlfriends, partners, FWBs, one night stands etc in avoiding the very avoidable circumstance of an unwanted or unintended pregnancy. Blair adds just enough humor to this very serious subject to make it fun to read and easy to absorb. I can’t recommend this book enough. After you finish it, give it to someone else, there’s so much great information and startling statistics, it is absolutely worth sharing with anyone you know.
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars Essential Reading
Reviewed in Canada on 20 October 2022
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A worthwhile and important book for all. The book isn’t about trying to get you to change your position on abortion. The book is for everyone and invites us all to consider a different way of tackling the issue.
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Erin
5.0 out of 5 stars My jaw dropped
Reviewed in Canada on 19 October 2022
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I consider myself well informed on women's issues including reproduction rights and US abortion issues. The American news regarding Roe was talked about in my country. This book made my jaw drop several times- I just would never have thought to frame arguments this way. I have experienced the pressure of men expecting a pass on using a condom, and Doctors minimizing womens pain in healthcare, so glad to see these issues addressed in the book. Gabrielle has written a book that will surely change American society for the better. I will be giving this book to my teens to read, and passing it along to Guidance counsellors at the school where I work. I highly recommend this book to men and women.
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Emily L
4.0 out of 5 stars Still withholding information
Reviewed in the United States on 13 December 2022
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I am encouraged by this book, yet I was greatly disappointed by Argument No. 3 that “women’s fertility is unpredictable.” I know the author went to great lengths to provide eye-opening and accurate information for this book, but this chapter still withheld critical information in women’s health.
Women are absolutely able to track their cycles to identify a fertile window and avoid pregnancy. When taught by a trained instructor of a modern fertility-awareness based method (FABM), perfect use efficacy is 98%. Any doctor who says that tracking a woman’s cycle “is ABSOLUTELY not recommended to be used as birth control” (p. 18) is lacking in education and is doing a disservice to women.
On the topic of efficacy, 98% perfect use efficacy is higher than the surprisingly recommended pull-out method on p. 34. That was shocking. To completely write off an evidence-based method that supports women’s empowerment on one page, and yet claim the pull-out method is so great on another made my jaw drop. Since I’m a pharmacist, I’ll call out a one other point on efficacy. The pill’s efficacy was stated as 99%. This is perfect use. Typical use efficacy of the pill is 93%, which is par with the typical use efficacy of most modern FABMs.
Women have risen to the highest levels of business, science, medicine, law, and more. Women outperform men in many facets of life. Yet we are told, “you couldn’t possibly learn how your body works.” My own body? I can become a surgeon, lawyer, or CEO but can’t figure out when my own body is ovulating? That’s bull. And that’s patriarchy.
I recommend the author to listen to the Fertility Friday podcast for many relatable topics, such as IUD insertion pain, support for condom use, injustice of female contraception options, and more. Possibly she will gain new insight on fertility awareness as a reliable method of family planning, as well, and use her platform to further illuminate the broken narrative around reproduction.
45 people found this helpful
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Sarah Panzetta
4.0 out of 5 stars A brilliant read but unfair and wrong about the fertility awareness method
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 24 June 2024
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I loved nearly everything about this book. It’s a thought-provoking and often very funny polemic about men needing to do their bit when it comes to contraception.
It's also very practical and offers encouraging evidence and advice. For example couples report better sex lives after a vasectomy, and “Experiment until you find a condom that works really well for you and your partner so that you don’t ever feel like it’s a bummer when you use a condom.”
Unfortunately, the author only offers half-truths about using fertility awareness as contraception, which is also known as the fertility awareness method or natural family planning.
She’s right to say “There is no neon light that flashes to let a woman know her egg is ready to be fertilized. No alarm clock goes off. No built-in gauge pops when she’s fertile, like a turkey timer on Thanksgiving.”
But she’s wrong to say this means fertility awareness doesn’t work.
A sustained rise in waking temperature, combined with a double-check like changes to your cervical fluid, is a reliable way to know ovulation has been and gone and the infertile days at the end of your cycle have begun.
The infertile days at the beginning of your cycle are less reliable and some women don’t get any. But most will get a few, and simple calculations can help you do this. The easiest is probably “Shortest cycle in the last year minus 20 equals your first fertile day”.
The NHS website says fertility awareness can be up to 99% effective when it is used correctly and suggests getting support from a Fertility UK practitioner.
Despite that, this is a brilliant book. Maybe there’ll be an update at some point.
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Janet P.
5.0 out of 5 stars Everyone should read this book!
Reviewed in Canada on 20 October 2022
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No matter your stance, this book will make you look at the abortion debate in a new way. I am passing on to my teens, my boys especially. It is just such a new and better way to think!
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Amazon Customer
5.0 out of 5 stars GREAT BOOK
Reviewed in the United States on 23 July 2025
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After reading this book, I realize men should take a lot more active role in preventing abortion. It's not right to put all the responsibility on women. Men should take 100% responsibility for birth control, since it is the women who carry a baby for 9 months.
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Sharon Orlopp
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November 16, 2022
10+++ stars! This book is a MUST READ for men and women. It will truly change the narrative and outcome regarding unwanted pregnancies and abortions.
Gabrielle Blair describes herself as a religious mom with six children. She started a blog, Design Mom, which has won awards and she wrote a NY Times bestseller, also called Design Mom.
Ejaculate Responsible outlines 28 arguments on why men should be focused on eliminating unwanted pregnancies. Blair indicates that 99% of abortions are due to unwanted pregnancies.
This book does a terrific job creating a new narrative that is supported by data. With men actively involved and responsible for how and where they deposit their sperm, we can significantly reduce unwanted pregnancies and abortions.
Some of the highlights include:
1. Men are 50 times more fertile than women. A woman's body produces one fertile egg for approximately 24 hours each month. An 80 year-old woman who menstruates for 40 years will have 480 days of fertility. Compare that with an 80 year-old man who will have 24,208 days of fertility once he achieves puberty. Every time a man has sex, he can potentially impregnate someone because he is always fertile.
2. Sperm live up to five days. A couple can have sex on a Monday and the egg can be released by the woman's ovaries on Thursday and the sperm that are still hanging around can breach the egg wall. Some doctors recommend keeping sperm away from eggs for seven days. The challenge is that knowing when an egg is released is challenging.
3. Ovulation is involuntary; ejaculation is not.
4. The process for obtaining birth control is very different for men and women. Men can locate condoms at convenience stores, gas stations, bars, grocery stores, etc. To obtain birth control, a woman needs a prescription from a doctor which requires an appointment and an exam, locating a healthcare provider that takes new patients, having health insurance, waiting six weeks for an appointment, coming up with the money for the appointment, taking time off from work, missing work/school and finding childcare, waiting 45 minutes in line at the pharmacy, etc.
5. Stark facts about pregnancy and childbirth: The US is ranked #56, dead last in industrial nations for maternal deaths. The mortality rate for pregnancy is 17.4 per 100,000. On-duty murder rate for police officers is lower at 13.5 per 100,000. A pregnant woman is more likely to die from a pregnancy than a police officer will be killed on the job.
6. When a man's sperm is deposited in a woman, he risks the woman's body, health, income, relationships, social status, even her life and he risks creating another human being.
The premise of the book is that if we focus on dramatically reducing the number of irresponsible ejaculations, this will dramatically reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies which will reduce the number of abortions.
Blair ends her book with specific action steps we can each take.
Highly recommend! Blair and her book are change agents!
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Nika
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January 17, 2023
"I would rather stand three times with a shield in battle than give birth once."
(Medea, Euripides)
This short book does succeed in shedding light on some facts that affect most people across the globe. Dealing with pregnancy, childbirth, and abortion, it shifts focus from women to men.
1. Men are much more fertile than women. It is a biological fact.
Once we recognize this disparity in fertility, it becomes crystal clear that pregnancy and abortion are not “a woman’s issue.” Men don’t play a minor or supporting role in pregnancy. Men’s lifelong continual fertility is the central driving force behind all unwanted pregnancies.
2. "Ovulation only leads to pregnancy when a man chooses to ejaculate and add his sperm."
"Ovulation is involuntary. Ejaculation is voluntary."
Unlike women, men get to choose what to do with their bodily fluids.
3. The book underscores the question of responsibility. Men have to take responsibility for their bodies and consider a big amount of damage they can cause. "Relying on his sexual partner to use birth control is avoiding or relinquishing his responsibility."
4. When society is geared towards men’s pleasure, women predictably face difficulties in protecting their own bodies and avoiding unwanted pregnancies. Societal norms and history have led us not to be honest about pregnancy and childbirth. As the author points out, our culture consistently downplays what women experience during pregnancy and childbirth.
5. The author refers to uneven sexual power dynamic and its consequences which often work against women.
When the fact that a woman has been living with an abuser is brought to light, the public tends to blame the woman, perhaps inadvertently, by asking "Why doesn’t that woman just pick a better man?" As if any man with abusive inclinations admitted to it on the first date. However, we better ask "Why are there so many abusive men?" or "Why don’t we teach men not to abuse?"
6. There are very little repercussions for men causing unwanted pregnancies. They can leave in most cases, while women cannot walk out on unwanted pregnancies. Data shows that abortion bans work poorly.
Do you want to reduce significantly the number of abortions? To this end, you do not have to regulate and control women’s bodies. Today we know what works best (free birth control, high-quality sex education).
A culture of ejaculating responsibly, combined with free and accessible birth control and thorough sex education, will bring the number of unwanted pregnancies close to zero.
7.
No matter what a woman “lets” a man do, she can’t (legally) make a man ejaculate inside of her. When he does, that’s 100 percent his doing. We know this is true because if she “let” him put his penis in a waffle iron, he wouldn’t. If someone tells you to do an irresponsible thing, and you choose to do that irresponsible thing, that’s on you.
This quote, sprinkled with some wit, speaks for itself and captures the key message of this book.
These and other arguments bring the author to the conclusion that "We need to focus on men and stopping irresponsible ejaculations. Everything else—reducing unwanted pregnancies, reducing abortions—follows from this critical focus."
I would add that if you want to acquire a brief knowledge about the content of this book, you can go through the titles of each chapter. They are quite straightforward.
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Kara Benkovich
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August 26, 2023
THIS SHOULD BE REQUIRED READING FOR EVERY HUMAN!!!!
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Oliver Samuels
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October 27, 2022
On the surface, Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion appears to be clever satire and if that were actually the case, I would applaud it. Men have historically been notorious for not accepting any responsibility for unplanned pregnancies, so this is an important topic that deserves to be discussed honestly.
The problem, however is that this book is not satire. Gabrielle Stanley Blair truly believes that men are 100% responsible for unplanned pregnancies and lays out a series of 28 brief arguments in support of that belief. Although her reasoning is billed as clever, compelling, unflinching and funny, I found it to be a mishmash of muddled thinking and flawed ethics.
Blair’s basic premise is simple: Without men, there are no sperm and without sperm there is no conception and without conception there is no pregnancy. Men are therefore the cause of all pregnancies, which makes them 100% responsible. This is a textbook example of a fallacy in formal logic known as casual reductionism: X causes Y; therefore X is the sole cause of Y even though A, B & C were also equally necessary.
The mathematical corollary to a man being 100% responsible for an unplanned pregnancy is that a woman bears no responsibility even if she prefers sex without a condom herself and urges her partner not to wear one. Blair attempts to argue that point in an number of ways, none of which actually hold water. She points out that a man wouldn’t put his penis in a waffle iron just because a woman wants him to, and while it’s true that you don’t have to act on the bad ideas of others and have nobody but yourself to blame for any negative results you experience if you do, this does not absolve a participating party of their own responsibility.
Blair offers a second analogy of a man who asks a friend to fire a gun at him. The friend complies and the man is fatally wounded. Blair claims a moral equivalency between a man's ability to point a gun in a safe direction and his ability to point his penis in a safe direction, but there are substantial differences between homicide and consensual sex. The physical expression of sexuality is a normal and natural part of life whereas homicide is not. The principles of consent and assumption of risk are rarely applicable to homicide whereas they are rarely inapplicable to consensual sex. You cannot negotiate away your right to life, but you can and do accept more mundane forms of risk. This happens when you purchase a front row seat at a ball game or a lift ticket at a ski resort, or admission to an amusement park. It also happens when you engage in consensual sex.
An analogy can be a useful rhetorical device, but it is not usually a valid argument in and of itself. Or as Plato said: “Arguments that make their point by means of similarities are impostors, and, unless you are on your guard against them, will quite readily deceive you.” Given that Blair makes no bones about the fact that she would like to see legal consequences for irresponsible ejaculation, a little more legal theory and a little less rhetoric is in order here.
One of Blair’s ideas is mandatory vasectomies for all boys reaching the age of puberty, which is typically twelve to thirteen years old. Perhaps she is unfamiliar with the Eugenics movement of the early 20th century and how we as a society eventually decided that forced sterilization is a criminal act. It doesn’t matter how you sugar-coat it. --You can call it a proposal, a thought experiment, or anything else you like. A crime against children for no other reason than they are male children is despicable. Given that Blair deplores attempts by pro-life groups to police women’s bodies, her inclusion of this idea in her book is not only morally reprehensible, but wildly hypocritical as well.
Although this approach no doubt plays well among like-minded women on Twitter, it virtually guarantees that Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion will not reach the audience it needs to reach the most, which is truly unfortunate.
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Jamie
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May 22, 2023
Wow, where do I start? This was an extremely eye-opening read. Blair made a multitude of solid arguments for “responsible ejaculation” in this book and I don't disagree with any of them. The basic premise for all of her arguments is this: in order to reduce the number of unwanted pregnancies (and therefore abortions) we should be focusing on men. And, well … it's not untrue. Men are 50x more fertile than women, men can choose when and where to ejaculate (unlike women, who can't control ovulation), and men's birth control methods are safer, more readily available, and have fewer side effects than those available to the opposite sex. So why does the responsibility of preventing unwanted pregnancies fall almost exclusively on women?
In case you were wondering, Blair doesn't just pull her arguments out of thin air. This book is meticulously researched and every chapter is filled to the brim with data and statistics. But not in a boring sort of way; while the included facts are often alarming and disheartening, they're always interesting and relevant to the topic at hand. At the end of the book, she provides a website that you can visit to find further information on her sources.
I only have one complaint about this book and it involves parts of the chapter regarding adoption. I know I'm particularly sensitive to this subject since I have an adopted son, and it's entirely possible that I'm reading things into her words that weren't truly there so I'm just going to leave it at what I've already written.
To sum things up, this is a well-researched book that provides important insight into the issues of unwanted pregnancy and abortion, and I absolutely believe that it should be required reading for every politician looking to restrict the rights of women under the guise of “preventing abortions.”
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Eunice
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October 11, 2022
I’ve been a huge fan of the Twitter thread that started it all, so there was no question I was going to enjoy this book. Filled with reasonable arguments and backed up by facts (along with the reproductive education none of us got), I am convinced more than ever, that abortion is a men’s issue. Must read regardless of your position on abortion because it’s just good sense. Semen kills, y’all.
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Kendra
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December 23, 2022
I could not put this book down. I have been wanting to read it since I heard of it on the author’s IG a while back. The thesis of Ejaculate Responsibly is that 100% of unwanted pregnancies are caused by men and their sperm. The current conversation about women and abortion is completely backwards. There are safe, inexpensive, and less invasive contraceptives available to men—condoms and vasectomies-- that if used would nearly eliminate unwanted pregnancies resulting in abortions. The current societal norm of putting the responsibility completely on the shoulders of women to prevent unwanted pregnancies is ridiculous. Women cannot control what time of the month their egg is fertilized. Most birth control options for women are hormones with extensive side effects. IUD installations are often painful yet not administered with pain killers the way vasectomies are for men. Tubal ligations have many side effects with a long recovery involved. Men have complete control of where and when they ejaculate, with very few repercussions if they choose irresponsibly. This book should be required reading and a part of sexual education in the United States—along with free and accessible contraception for all.
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September 3, 2022
I want to start by saying I was very excited to read this book.
I have been following Gabrielle Blair for years and her Twitter threads have been an amazing source of well structured, simple and clear arguments. This book is the same.
One argument at a time, she makes the case with precision and undeniable facts that all unwanted pregnancies are the result of an irresponsible ejaculation, and explores accurately the heavy burden put on people with uteruses on preventing pregnancies, regardless of their sexual pleasure, the pain caused by birth control methods, the cost of the entire procedures, and the very very limited time they actually are able to become pregnant.
I would say this is a must read for everyone, if it wasn't for the inacceptable trans erasure in the choice of vocabulary and phrasing. It is 2022, and everyone can do better than this. It would have been really easy and simple to NOT correlate penises with men and vaginas with women, especially in this climate of transphobia. Especially since trans people who get pregnant are particularly vulnerable in the system Blair is describing.
Is this book a valuable collection of facts about pregnancies, birth control, ejaculation, orgasms and inequality all caused by the misogyny and sexism deeply rooted in history? Yes.
Would I pay money to read this would and would I recommend others do? No.
Thank you NetGalley and Workman Publishing Company for the opportunity to read this ARC.
Kevin Kelsey
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February 7, 2024
Required reading in a post Roe v Wade world. The author brilliantly removes the left/right polish from the topic of Abortion and shifts the conversation to the causes of unwanted pregnancy. In doing so, she makes a more effective argument that abortion IS essential health care (all while never actually saying it), that men need to take responsibility for their ejaculations, contraceptives should be widely and freely available, and that we need a fact based sex education system.
If you are pro-abortion, you probably already know and agree with these talking points, but there’s still a lot to digest here. If you’re anti-abortion and ACTUALLY want to reduce the number of abortions in a REAL WAY that ACTUALLY works, instead of the hollow and ineffective symbolic victory that overturning Roe v Wade was, you need to read this book because it lays it all out. Best of all, it’s simple as hell.
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Ejaculate Responsibly: One Woman’s Take on the Contraception Controversy
Gabrielle Blair’s new book urges men to take responsibility for their own sperm.
By Kate KellyPublished: Nov 15, 2022
Years ago, I dated a man who told me he had a child he never saw or supported because, he said, his ex “stole” his sperm. I was very confused about how that would even be physically possible. After asking a series of follow-up questions like a cross examiner on a crusade, I found out that what he actually meant was, yes, he’d had consensual sex with the former girlfriend and had chosen not to use a condom. She had either not used contraception or not used it properly, and ended up pregnant. Ergo (in his mind) she had “stolen” his sperm.
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I couldn’t stop thinking about dudes like him as I read Gabrielle Blair’s new book, Ejaculate Responsibly. Any reader of this gorgeous manifesto, men especially, would be hard-pressed to walk away from it without being reminded (*mind blown emoji*) that putting the entire very heavy burden on women to not get pregnant, or to be unable to terminate because of all that’s gone on to make abortion illegal or inaccessible, makes a lot less sense than just not getting them pregnant in the first place.
The impetus behind this project was a wildly popular thread on Twitter in which Blair, who is also author of the bestseller Design Mom, made the straightforward, yet somehow controversial claim that “all unwanted pregnancies are caused by irresponsible ejaculations…” and pointed out that “there are men willing to risk getting a woman pregnant—which means literally risking her life, her health, her social status, her relationships, and her career, so that they can experience a few minutes of…pleasure.…” The book version expands on her epic Twitter thread, with each section presenting a concise argument for responsible ejaculation and placing an equal portion of the blame for pregnancy on impregnators, where it belongs.
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The genius of a book that grows out of a dynamic online thread is that the author has had the chance to open-source all the counterarguments and think through responses in advance. This is reflected in the book’s footnotes. Blair is able to anticipate what opponents will say (thanks, Twitter!) and preempt their arguments with cogent, well-researched counterpoints and relatable anecdotes. For example, in the notes for the section about birth control for men, Blair points out that one in five women gets pregnant when relying only on the “pull-out method.” If women are expected to use their birth control perfectly (and they are), men should, too.
The book is the best possible collaborative case for men to take responsibility for their own sperm. And it’s a slim volume that’s convenient enough to carry around with you, or even gift to your congressperson, as many have apparently already done. Ordering copies for elected officials has become a thing.
Author Blair is a Mormon mother of six. As a former Mormon myself, I was impressed with her frank talk about biology and (gasp) sex in such a straightforward and unperturbed way. Sex positivity is not something our faith community is known for; in fact, it’s quite the opposite. But that’s what’s so engaging about the book and Blair herself. She manages to disarm you with her candor—like a Mormon missionary, passing out condom knowledge to any stranger who will listen, in lieu of Scriptures.
In this time of severe attacks on women’s reproductive lives and freedom across the country, perhaps responsible-ejaculation evangelists like Blair are what we need. The book has already managed to grab enormous attention. It has outlets from CBS Mornings to USA Today mentioning the word ejaculate in casual coverage, which is a true feat. It’s possible that only a Mormon could manage to insert such a taboo word into polite conversation as if it has always been quotidian.
And therein lies the genius of Ejaculate Responsibly—it completely flips a discussion that has been hyperfocused for millennia on women to men in a delightfully disorienting way. She makes people of all genders reflect on such topics as how long women are fertile and the dramatic side effects of having to use hormonal birth control. She helps everyone rethink why we have been okay with women accepting the disproportionate burden for preventing pregnancies and letting their partners off the hook.
Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion
Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion
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Blair also focuses on the importance of training the next generation in a different, more egalitarian way. “As parents, as a culture, we need to emphasize how carefully sperm needs to be handled.…” Her matter-of-fact framing and focus on the next generation makes space for new types of conversations about reproductive rights and responsibilities far into the future. For Blair, this is not untested. She mentions in the acknowledgments that her own children have had strangers challenge them on her mom’s views, and that they’ve been able to hold their own and navigate conversations that are difficult even for adults with ease, thanks to her example and approach.
Ejaculate Responsibly is like having a friend whisper all the best rebuttals to you when you’re having a lively debate. It’s the ultimate Phone-a-Friend for abortion arguments. I know that if I had had this book those many years ago, I would not have bought the argument that my ex had had his sperm “stolen” even for one second. I would have had the perfect words to tell him that, in fact, it was he who failed to ejaculate responsibly.
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In Ejaculate Responsibly, Gabrielle Blair Makes Abortion a Men’s Issue
By Michelle Ruiz
October 18, 2022
Ejaculate Responsibly Gabrielle Blair
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There is nothing subtle about author and Design Mom blogger Gabrielle Blair’s new book. Both its eye-opening title, Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion, and its thesis, which appears in all caps on page 1, demand “a crucial refocus” of the issue of abortion and pregnancy prevention: “IT’S THE MEN.”
In a dire post–Roe v. Wade clime, Blair mounts a radical argument that really shouldn’t be: that abortion is, indeed, a men’s issue. “Currently, conversations about abortion are entirely centered on women—on women’s bodies and whether women have a right to terminate an unwanted pregnancy,” she writes in the introduction. Meanwhile, “men cause all unwanted pregnancies,” Blair asserts. “An unwanted pregnancy only happens if a man ejaculates irresponsibly—if he deposits his sperm in a vagina when he and his partner are not trying to conceive. It’s not asking a lot for men to avoid this.”
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In her taut, 143-page manifesto, Blair lays out 28 potent, plainspoken supporting arguments calling for greater male responsibility. She begins with simple biology—the fact that “men are 50 times more fertile than women”—making it nonsensical to place “the burden of pregnancy prevention on the person who is fertile for 24 hours a month, instead of the person who is fertile 24 hours a day, every day of their life.”
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The author, a pro-choice Mormon mother of six, goes on to contrast the difficulty in accessing and using female contraception (from the pill to the patch, IUDs, and others) with the fact that male birth control—chiefly condoms and vasectomies—is “easier, cheaper, more convenient, safer, and more effective than birth control options for women.” Yet as argument number nine posits, socially and culturally “we expect women to do the work of pregnancy prevention.” (Blair issues the disclaimer that she does not use inclusive language in the book, calling it “a cisgender heterosexual argument for people engaging in cisgender sexual relationships.”)
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Memes, tweets, and signs decried this point in post-Roe protests: “Don’t like abortion? Get a vasectomy!” But while those felt, at times, like little more than clever retorts, Blair offers a tactical, full-throated cry for men to step up and make condoms ubiquitous and vasectomies (her husband had one) more common. Currently, she writes, only 9% of men get vasectomies, despite the fact that they are less invasive than tubal ligation (or getting one’s tubes tied). Which brings Blair to argument number 10: “We don’t mind if women suffer as long as it makes things easier for men.”
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Ejaculate Responsibly alternately provokes dawning recognition (many points feel like they’ve been hiding in plain sight) and simmering rage. It isn’t women’s sexual freedom that should be considered incendiary, I considered after reading number 24, but men’s sperm. “Sperm should be considered a dangerous bodily fluid that can cause pain, a lifetime of disruption, and even death for some,” Blair writes. “Sperm can create a person. Sperm can kill a person.” By way of solutions, she points to a discourse shift, promoting condoms the way seat belts once were; “thorough sex ed”; free, accessible birth control; and calling on politicians to focus on men too, asking them, “What is your plan for preventing irresponsible ejaculations?”
Blair recently spoke with Vogue via Zoom about the genesis of her book, the joy of vasectomies, and how men can take action.
Vogue: You say up-front in the introduction that you’re “a religious mother of six.” Did you include that description because it goes against the perception of who might write this book?
Gabrielle Blair: One hundred percent. I did that very intentionally. I know that if people see religious or Mormon or mother of six, they’re going to immediately make assumptions about me, and those assumptions are probably not going to be correct as far as my politics, or my views on abortion, go. But I know that I can use that as a tool, and I can invite people in to listen to these ideas that wouldn’t be willing to do so if I led with “I’m pro-choice.”
When I first saw the title, Ejaculate Responsibly, it reminded me of when Roe was overturned, and there were tweets and memes and protest signs urging men to get vasectomies. Sometimes that felt, to me, almost like a cute retort, but this book is a very full-throated argument for it.
I mean, I think it’s both. It’s really pointing out this double standard, this ridiculousness that we are so swift to regulate women’s bodies. We don’t hesitate. We’re so, so open and willing to do that and absolutely unwilling to even consider a very safe procedure for men. We would never make that a law. There’s no world I can conceive of where that could happen. So it’s being cheeky and showing a double standard.
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Vasectomies are amazing. They’re so much safer than tubal ligations, and yet tubal ligations are so much more common than vasectomies because we have all these weird myths and stigmas around vasectomy—and also around condoms, around anything that is perceived as affecting men’s sexuality. It’s dumb and bizarre, and it’s totally changeable. These are just conversations that we need to have.
Is the lack of conversation around men’s reproductive health care part of the problem here?
I don’t hate men. I don’t think they’re evil. I think they’re doing their best, right? I have a lot in my life that I adore. Perhaps no one’s really pointed out to them before, “This is how you can engage responsibly. Hey, your sperm can cause serious problems for another person.” Once it clicks for them, they’re like, Oh, I create a dangerous substance with my own body, and I gotta be really careful with that. Period.
Gabrielle Blair
Ejaculate Responsibly author Gabrielle Blair Photo: Ben Blair
This argument began as a Twitter thread in 2018. What was percolating in your mind back then that made you zero in on men and pregnancy prevention?
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I was done having kids. My husband had had a vasectomy years before, so I hadn’t had to worry about birth control for a few years. I read some statistics about how many abortions there were per year, and it was higher than I expected. I talk to women for a living. This is what I’ve done since 2006, in online and public and private forums. The idea that women would just be like, Yes, I wanna go have an invasive procedure instead of birth control—that didn’t make sense. And it was like: light-bulb moment.
Until my husband’s vasectomy, I tried every kind of birth control, and that might be counterintuitive because I do have six kids, but I actually got to choose when I had my kids. That was an amazing, empowering thing. On the other hand, I hated the pill. I hated the shot. IUD? I bled for a year. Birth control’s really hard for a lot of people. Even if you’re not having side effects, it’s so much work. You have to find a doctor that’s on your insurance, if you have insurance. The steps to even get to the doctor, transportation issues, budget issues, childcare. A full-body exam. And then you have to take it every day, and you’re only fertile 12 to 24 hours of that month. It’s absolutely insane.
I started exploring, Okay, well, what about men’s birth control? Why aren’t more men getting vasectomies or at the very least using a condom? That’s not a big ask. I could see really clearly that condoms are the opposite of women’s birth control as far as ease, accessibility, affordability, no side effects, no physical exam. You don’t need to wear one if you’re not gonna have sex that day. All the inconveniences just disappear.
You really highlight this disparity: how much of the burden is on women versus men, despite how much easier it is for men to prevent pregnancy—
…And how much more fertile they are! They’re fertile from puberty till death. Forever. Ovulation is completely unpredictable. Even if you have a very regular cycle, there’s a 10-day window where you can ovulate, and yet we are totally focused on trying to control this 12 to 24 hours.
I dog-eared number nine: “We expect women to do the work of pregnancy prevention.” Why?
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I mean, 2000 years of patriarchy? I don’t know. I’ve thought about this a lot. One observation: Until the advent of paternity tests, we could not prove who the father was and there was nothing women could do. This was just on women because women are physically pregnant. They are the ones having to deal with this, right? Paternity tests have changed things. You start thinking about male physiology. Who’s causing these pregnancies? It’s sperm. Every time a man has sex, every time, he could cause a pregnancy.
I was surprised that vasectomies are so uncommon—only 9% of men get them.
It’s insane, and it’s this thing that any couple can testify [to]: It improves your sex life. The burden is just gone.
Do you think women have internalized that it’s our job to handle birth control so much so that we don’t even push back against that expectation?
Oh, one hundred percent. It’s just unquestioned. It’s hard to see because we’re swimming in it. I want every man to read this, but also every woman needs to know how unfair this is and have the realization: “My partner could help me with this, and that’s a legitimate thing to ask for.” We’ve got an $8 billion birth-control industry, 90% of which is purchases by women for women. Honestly, if you are an anti-abortion political candidate, your number one platform, if you were actually serious, should be free vasectomy for all. And of course you’re not doing that.
How did the Roe decision impact the message of the book?
It strengthens it. It just makes it so clear. Our country, our society, we’re so focused on women’s bodies—on abortion, on regulating women, women, women, and totally ignoring this thing that would actually help, would actually work. It’s so clear that the anti-abortion crowd doesn’t actually care. We’ve just seen it with Herschel Walker. They do not actually care if someone has an abortion that’s on their team or is their candidate. They just want to control women. The book makes that irrefutable: If someone wants there to be no abortions, great, we actually know how to reduce abortions. It’s not magic. It’s free and easily available birth control. It’s free vasectomies, it’s really excellent, age-appropriate sex ed at every grade level.
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What do men need to do to be in this fight and start to decentralize reproductive health as a women’s issue?
I hope this book helps facilitate that conversation. I think a lot of this is just making them aware. Like, hey, women have been taking birth control, paying for birth control, dealing with the side effects of birth control, and you haven’t had to worry about it, but you were enjoying the benefits of her work. If that birth control goes away or abortion goes away, which it already has in many states, that is going to affect you. So step up. Men can easily stop abortion without touching an abortion law, or even mentioning women, simply by ejaculating responsibly. [Men] are better positioned physically to prevent a pregnancy than any woman. You are the only person that gets to decide whether or not you release sperm. That is 100% on you as a man. We are not asking them to have a miserable sex life. We’re not asking them to do anything difficult in any way. There’s this one tiny thing they need to avoid. Do not let your sperm get by an egg.
This interview has been edited and condensed.
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Conscience Magazine
Book Review: Ejaculate Responsibly
By Steph Black August 8, 2023
Birth Control
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Ejaculate Responsibly
By Gabrielle Blair
Published by Workman Publishing, 2022, 144 pages, $14.99
I was riding a bus in 2018 when I opened Twitter and read, “I’m a mother of six, and a Mormon. I have a good understanding of arguments surrounding abortion, religious and otherwise. I’ve been listening to men grandstand about women’s reproductive rights, and I’m convinced men actually have zero interest in stopping abortion. Here’s why…” Gabrielle Blair later turned her viral thread into Ejaculate Responsibly: A Whole New Way to Think About Abortion. The book is revolutionary — a manifesto calling straight, cisgender men to take ownership of their fertility.
On March 2, 2023, Blair spoke at Sixth & I Historic Synagogue in Washington, D.C., with writer and transgender activist Charlotte Clymer. While men cause 100% of unwanted pregnancies, women bear the responsibility of managing their fertility as well as their partner’s, Blair said.
“Fertility is seen as a women’s issue, despite the fact that women are only fertile for approximately 24 hours every 28 days, whereas men are fertile at all times for their entire lives,” said Blair. Taking birth control, purchasing Plan B, having abortions, or even giving birth are a woman’s job. When it comes to using an IUD, taking a pill, getting a shot, or wearing a ring or patch, a woman is essentially “on the job” 24/7 — not to mention all the work that goes into getting the prescription in the first place — regardless of whether she plans to have sex. Men can walk into any bodega, buy a box of condoms for a couple bucks, and hold onto it until they need it. It’s also worth noting women also buy nearly one-third of all condoms sold in the United States.
Clymer, who spent time on staff at Catholics for Choice, also discussed what she called the “surprisingly misogynistic” relationship between birth control and the Catholic church.
As Blair explained, most birth control pill packs include three weeks of birth control pills and one week of sugar pills. The sugar pills do nothing more than allow the body to mimic a period that is not medically necessary. This artificial week of bleeding, Blair said, “was created in an attempt to convince the pope” to accept the birth control pill. As we know, that attempt failed.
When the conversation transitioned to audience Q&A, a Mormon woman from Virginia asked how to navigate these conversations with kids. “Talk in age-appropriate ways about sex in as normal of a way as possible,” Blair said. “When parents feel weird about a conversation, so do the kids.”
Asked about moving the needle in religious communities that prioritize abstinence and men’s sexual needs, Blair talked about the importance of using social pressure for good. She recounted how when she grew up, no one wore seat belts, but when a group of “cool” teenagers from the city came to her town, they refused to start driving until everyone in the car had buckled. From that day on, she buckled her seat belt. “In the same way that I would now never drive without a seat belt, I want men to feel like they would never ejaculate irresponsibly — and say so to their friends,” she said.
"The book is revolutionary — a manifesto calling straight, cisgender men to take ownership of their fertility... I gifted five copies of Ejaculate Responsibly to men in my life."
— Steph Black
As I took notes throughout the talk, I realized that I regret times I tried to act like the “cool girl” by not requiring my male sexual partners to wear condoms because I had an IUD. I took men at their word when they told me that they didn’t have an STI, something they might not have even known about — or worse, could have lied about. I’m now happily married to a woman, so I will never get the chance for a do-over with a male one-night stand (which is totally fine by me), but part of me wishes I could have been like those teenagers who couldn’t imagine starting the car before everyone had buckled.
Did the men I slept with refuse to wear condoms with future partners because I had been the cool girl who didn’t? There are so many societal pressures — and even the potential threat of violence — that explain my desire to be the chill, easygoing girl. But I wish I’d been the cool girl who casually and assuredly puts her clothes back on instead.
I’m not the only one who had a strong reaction to the conversation between Blair and Clymer. Sam, a 20-year-old man from Maryland, learned about the book when his conservative, religious aunt mocked it. He later asked his mother to drive him to the book talk to hear for himself what it meant to ejaculate responsibly. “I definitely plan on learning more about my fertility and being more comfortable talking about this with female partners in the future,” he said.
Corinne, also 20, told me that she has never had a sexual partner, but when her mother left the book on the kitchen counter, she picked it up and began to flip through it. “This book will empower me when I do decide [to have sex].”
Last year I gifted five copies of Ejaculate Responsibly to men in my life. I expected them to laugh off the gift as another of my abortion-related antics, but I was pleasantly surprised. All were curious enough to at least read it and learn more about the attention-grabbing title.
Blair holds, as she puts it, “a baseline belief that people are good and want to be good.” People of all genders want cis men to be part of the solution to the abortion rights crisis. Blair’s work offers men options beyond donating money or attending protests: It invites them to reframe their entire approach to sex. Her book and the conversations it provokes may usher in a new era in which men, rather than women, are the subject of the autonomy and reproductive rights conversation.
Steph Black
Steph Black
(she/her) is a Jewish activist and writer based in Washington, D.C., where she fights to expand abortion access and reproductive justice. Read her writing, follow her work, and subscribe to her newsletter at stephblackstrategies.com.
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Gabrielle Blair Embraces ‘the Least Sexy Way to Talk About Sex’
In her book “Ejaculate Responsibly,” the home renovation guru encourages readers to revisit their thinking about unwanted pregnancies.
By Elisabeth Egan
Published Nov. 8, 2022
Rarely does an author pull off a pivot as head-spinning as the one Gabrielle Blair made between her first book and her second. “Design Mom” (2015) is a room-by-room guide to living with children, featuring aspirational photography, tips for decluttering a mudroom and gentle reminders not to skew too highbrow in the Lego phase of life.
Now the 48-year-old mother of six is back with “Ejaculate Responsibly,” a 28-point treatise focusing on the role men play in procreation. “Currently, conversations about abortion are entirely centered on women — on women’s bodies, and whether women have the right to terminate an unwanted pregnancy,” writes Blair. Her ideas grew out of a Twitter thread fired off in 2018 when she was tired of hearing male politicians grandstand about abortion. Disciples of Blair’s home renovation content were right there with her.
In a phone interview, Blair explained her embrace of the unsexy, unpopular word “ejaculate,” which until now has mostly been confined to high school health classrooms. (Can’t you picture it on the blackboard, scrawled in yellow chalk?) “It’s a lot of syllables. It isn’t turning anyone on,” she said. “It’s the least sexy way to talk about sex.” Blair was aware that her book’s title might disqualify her from the morning television circuit, but she stood her ground because “I feel like it captures in two words this singular focus: If we radically reduce irresponsible ejaculations, then we’ll radically reduce unwanted pregnancies, which will radically reduce abortions.”
On the day her book came out, Blair was going about her business at home in Normandy, France (she moved from Oakland, Calif., three years ago), when she started getting messages telling her that “Ejaculate Responsibly” had been featured in a segment on “CBS Mornings.” “My publicity team had no idea it was going to happen,” she recalled. “And it was a man presenting, which was even better because these ideas can be hard for men to hear. They don’t want a lecture from middle-aged Gabby.”
Other morning shows followed. Naturally Blair has received the occasional critique of her work — mainly from strangers who haven’t actually read the book — but so far the response has been positive. “People across the political spectrum have read these ideas and they get it,” said Blair, who supports abortion rights. “They’re like, of course we should be focused on prevention. It means you can have discussions where you’re not trying to debate when life begins, when a fetus becomes a baby. That’s all gone because we didn’t create the fetus in the first place. We ejaculated responsibly. It feels so achievable and solvable.”
Elisabeth Egan is an editor at the Book Review and the author of “A Window Opens.”
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