2020/11/07

John Welwood - Wikipedia

John Welwood - Wikipedia

John Welwood

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John Welwood (March 12, 1943[1] – January 17, 2019) was an American clinical psychologist, psychotherapist, teacher, and author, known for integrating psychological and spiritual concepts. He was the Director of the East/West Psychology Program at the California Institute of Integral Studies in San Francisco, and an associate editor of Journal of Transpersonal Psychology.[2][3]

A prominent figure in transpersonal psychology, he was a pioneer in integrating Western psychology and Eastern wisdom. He wrote eight books, including Challenge of the Heart (1985), Journey of the Heart (1990), and Love and Awakening (1996). His 2007 book, Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships, won the 2007 Books for a Better Life Award.[4][5]

His book Toward a Psychology of Awakening is an important synthesis of his earlier works and offers powerful insight into the nature of both western psychology and Buddhism, as well as the profound effects of meditation on the nature of mind.

Trained in existential psychology, Welwood earned a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Chicago in 1974, where he worked with Eugene Gendlin.[3]

Personal life[edit]

He lived in San Francisco, California with his wife, Jennifer, and taught integrated psychospiritual workshops along with his son, Bogar Nagaraj.[6]

Welwood died on January 17, 2019, at age 75.[7][8]

Bibliography[edit]

See also[edit]

References[edit]

  1. ^ "Welwood, John 1943-". worldcat.org. OCLC Online Computer Library Center, Inc. 2019. Retrieved 17 February 2019.[better source needed]
  2. ^ "The Power of Embodied Presence". California Institute of Integral Studies. Retrieved 2013-11-19.
  3. ^ Jump up to:a b "Author - John Welwood". Sounds True. Retrieved 2013-11-19.
  4. ^ "John Welwood". Omega Institute. Retrieved 2013-11-19.
  5. ^ "John Welwood". Shambhala Publications. Retrieved 2013-11-19.
  6. ^ "John Welwood Official Biography". Retrieved 2013-11-19.
  7. ^ Lesser, Elizabeth (12 February 2012). "Obituary - John Welwood". Omega. Retrieved 14 February 2019.
  8. ^ "Obituary - John Welwood '64". Bowdoin College Obituaries. 17 January 2019. Retrieved 14 February 2019.

External links[edit]

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“자원봉사자로만 운영한다는 원칙을 정토회가 지켜나갈 수 있을까요?” - 스님의하루

“자원봉사자로만 운영한다는 원칙을 정토회가 지켜나갈 수 있을까요?” - 스님의하루


자원봉사자로만 운영한다는 원칙을 정토회가 지켜나갈 수 있을까요?

“새로 지어지는 정토회 본부 건물은 주차장, 공연장, 소방시설, 승강기, 전기안전시설 등을 갖추고 있기에 대단히 많은 전문가들이 요구되는 큰 건물입니다. 자원봉사의 원칙을 지키며 이 큰 건물을 유지하고 관리할 수 있을지 걱정이 많이 됩니다. 현재의 3층짜리 법당을 유지해온 것과는 판이하게 상황이 달라질 것 같아요. 물론 스님께서 여러 차례에 걸쳐서 정토회는 자원봉사자로만 운영한다는 원칙을 확고하게 말씀하셨습니다만, 실제 운영을 생각하면 과연 가능할지 우려가 더 큽니다.”



“현재 우리가 살고 있는 자본주의 사회에서는 기업과 단체가 전문 노동자를 고용해서 모든 것을 운영합니다. 그러면 신라시대나 고려시대에는 사찰을 어떻게 운영했을까요? 그 시대에는 하인을 데리고 사는 시스템이 있었어요. 즉, 사찰이 운영될 수 있게 하인을 국가가 공급해 주었습니다.

사람을 고용하는 순간 정토회는...

가령 신라시대에 국가에서 의상 조사를 화엄사 주지로 임명했다고 합시다. 그러면 국가는 화엄사 운영을 위해 땅 천 마지기와 그것을 운영할 하인 50명을 주었습니다. 그 하인들이 농사를 지었고, 그걸 기반으로 해서 사찰을 운영했습니다. 옛날에는 국가에서 주는 하사품이 주로 두 종류였습니다. 첫째는 소출이 나올 수 있는 땅이고, 둘째는 그것을 운영할 사람이었어요.


오늘날에는 어떻습니까? 대부분의 사찰이 땅 대신에 돈을 갖고 운영하고, 하인 대신에 노동자를 고용해서 모든 것을 운영합니다. 큰 절은 물론이고 어느 절이든 다 월급을 받고 일하는 노동자가 그 사찰을 운영합니다. 절마다 농사짓는 사람도 고용하고, 식사를 준비하는 공양주도 고용하고, 청소하는 사람도 고용하고, 수위도 고용하고, 전기 문제를 담당하는 전문가도 고용합니다.

부처님은 어떤 삶을 사셨을까요?

그런데 부처님은 그런 생활을 하지 않으셨어요. 출가하시기 전 속세에 사실 때는 말 모는 하인이 따로 있고, 잠자리 봐주는 하인이 따로 있는 등 여러 명의 하인을 항상 거느리고 있었지만, 출가를 하신 이후로는 하인을 전혀 두지 않았습니다. 늙어서 병이 들었을 때는 같은 수행자인 아난다가 역할 분담을 해서 좀 도와 드렸지만, 이것은 하인을 부리는 것과는 성격이 완전히 달랐어요. 부처님은 신분제 사회 속에서도 신분을 뛰어넘은 삶을 사셨습니다.


그렇다면 오늘날 우리가 붓다의 법을 그대로 지키려면 어떻게 살아야 할까요? 비록 자본주의 사회 속에서 살기는 하지만, 자본주의 사회 속에 산다는 미명하에 사람을 고용하게 되면 붓다의 법을 어기는 것이 됩니다. 왜냐하면 고용을 하는 순간 사람 간의 관계가 달라지기 때문입니다. 예를 들어 저와 질문자는 수행자와 수행자 또는 스승과 제자의 관계로 지금 만나고 있지만, 만약 월급을 주고 제가 질문자를 고용하는 순간 질문자는 저를 ‘스님’이라고 부르더라도 사실은 스님이 아니라 고용주가 됩니다. 고용주와 고용인이라는 세속적 관계로 바뀌는 거예요. 이런 관계에서 만약 제가 월급을 지불하지 않으면 질문자는 굶어야 하는 문제가 발생합니다. 그러면 질문자는 자신의 생존이 걸린 문제이니까 노동권을 지키기 위해 법적 투쟁까지 하게 되는 관계가 됩니다.


이것이 과연 수행 공동체에서 올바른 것일까요? 만약 부득이하게 회관을 운영하기 위해 이런 관계를 맺어야만 한다면, 정토회는 애초에 이런 건물을 짓지 않았어야 해요. 이렇게밖에 운영할 수 없다면 차라리 그 건물을 포기하는 게 맞습니다.


지금까지는 정토회가 이런 원칙을 지켜냈습니다. 그래서 문경 수련원과 두북 수련원을 비롯해 그 어디에서도 운영이나 생활 면에서 사람을 절대 고용하지 않았어요. 건물 자체를 지을 때 전문가가 짓는 것은 어쩔 수 없지만, 운영을 위한 일체의 일들은 모두 정토회 회원 여러분들의 자원봉사로 진행되어 왔습니다. 그런데 새로 건물을 짓게 됨으로 해서 사람을 따로 고용하지 않고는 운영을 할 수 없다는 난관에 부딪힌 겁니다.

부처님의 가르침을 어기면서까지 이 일을 할 필요가 있는가


이 상황에서 저는 원칙을 지키는 것이 우선이라고 생각합니다. 그래서 건물을 짓겠다는 계획을 세울 때부터 제가 이 점에 대해 주의를 줬습니다.

‘고용을 하지 않고 자원봉사 방식으로 건물을 운영할 수 있으면 짓고, 그렇게 못 하면 건물을 짓지 맙시다. 건물을 짓고 나서 고용을 하게 되면 그것은 부처님 가르침에 어긋납니다. 부처님의 가르침에 어긋나는 것은 물론이고, 어쩌면 우리 정토회의 이념에 큰 손상을 입을 수도 있습니다. 세상 사람들은 아무도 문제를 제기하지 않을 겁니다. 세상의 관점에서는 당연한 일이니까요. 그러나 이것은 신라시대에 승려가 절에 노비를 고용해서 농사를 짓고 살았던 것과 다름없는 것이에요.’


이렇게 말하면서 건물 짓는 것에 반대를 했을 때, 고용하지 않고 건물을 운영할 수 있다고 해서 여기까지 온 겁니다. 그런데 막상 건물을 다 짓고 나니 전기기술자며 열관리사며 전문가가 없으면 안 되는 상황이 된 거예요.


그래서 현재 새롭게 제안이 올라온 내용은 건물 관리를 한시적으로 위탁회사에 맡기자는 거예요. 그렇게 하면 정토가 직접 노동자를 고용하지는 않아도 되니까요. 위탁회사가 건물을 관리하는 동안에 옆에서 자원봉사자들이 전문적인 업무를 배우면서 그에 필요한 관련 자격증도 획득해서 그 이후에는 자원봉사자로만 운영을 하자는 제안입니다. 그래서 은퇴한 정토회 회원들 중에서 누구는 전기 관련 업무를 맡고, 누구는 열관리 업무를 맡는 방식으로 운영하면 좋겠다고 해요. 처음부터 자원봉사자가 전문 업무를 맡기는 지금 어렵다고 하면서요. 이런 제안이 들어왔는데, 이것도 제가 허용하지 않았습니다. 그래서 이렇게 말했습니다.


‘그러면 저는 그 건물에 들어가지 않겠습니다. 개원 기념 100일 법문도 새로 지은 건물에서 하지 않고 두북 수련원에서 온라인으로 하는 수밖에 없습니다.’


그랬더니 지금 불사팀에서 자원봉사 운영팀을 구성해서 연구 중에 있습니다. 아무런 대책이 세워져 있지 않은 것은 아니고 이미 팀을 구성해서 엄청나게 연구하고 있어요. 그러나 지금은 불사 책임자가 건물 짓는 일과 건물 운영하는 일을 동시에 신경 쓰고 있다 보니 아무래도 운영 면에는 조금 소홀하게 된 것 같아요. 건물이 완공되기 전에 빨리 운영 문제를 해결해야 합니다.

일반 건물이라면 아무런 문제가 안 돼요. 그냥 위탁관리를 맡기든지 사람을 고용해서 관리를 하면 됩니다. 그러나 정토회는 부처님의 가르침을 실현하고자 하는 수행공동체이기 때문에 문제가 되는 거예요. 고용을 하는 순간 고용주와 고용인의 관계를 맺게 되니까요.

다소 편법이긴 해도 위탁관리를 6개월 맡기는 방식이 새로운 제안으로 올라왔는데, 짧은 시간 동안 임시로 위탁관리를 허용할 것인지, 그것조차 거부하고 차라리 건물의 문을 닫고 사용을 안 할 것인지, 조만간 결론을 내려야 합니다.

만약 부처님의 가르침에 어긋나는 일이 일어난다면 다른 사람은 몰라도 저는 그 건물에 안 들어갈 생각입니다. 새로운 건물의 문 앞에도 가지 않을 생각이에요. 저는 이렇게 생각하고 있어요.

충분한 노력을 했지만 현실이 어쩔 수 없어서 안 될 수도 있습니다. 그러나 ‘일단 건물을 지어놓으면 스님도 어떡하겠느냐. 설마 안 들어오겠어?’ 이런 식으로 생각한다면 오산입니다. 그러면 개원 기념 백일 법문도 모두 취소할 생각이에요. 우리가 부처님의 가르침을 지키려고 지금까지 목숨을 걸고 온갖 고생을 하며 살아왔는데, 건물 하나 때문에 그것을 어기고 살 수는 없잖아요.

어쨌든 지금 다양한 고민을 하며 준비하고 있습니다. 그러니 질문자도 이 일에 자원봉사자로 적극 참여해 주시고, 다른 자원봉사자들도 좀 구해 주세요. 지금 이 법문을 듣고 있는 거사님들도 은퇴한 분이시라면 돈 몇 푼 더 벌려고 하지 마시고 정토회에 와서 건물 운영을 좀 봐주시면 좋겠어요. (웃음)


이 점을 처음부터 얘기했는데도 다른 일로 바쁘다 보니 준비가 좀 미비해요. 얼마 전에 저에게 마지막으로 들어온 요청은 전기기사 한 명만 고용할 수 있도록 해달라는 거예요. 그러나 한 명이나 열 명이나 똑같습니다. ‘건시나 곶감이나’ 이런 속담도 있잖아요. 부처님의 가르침을 어긴 건 마찬가지입니다. 어쨌든 현재는 그런 상태에 놓여 있습니다.”

“네, 잘 알았습니다. 말씀 주신대로 열심히 자원봉사자를 구해 보겠습니다. 이것저것 걱정이 좀 됐었는데 뻥 뚫린 기분입니다. 잘 들었습니다.”

이 외에도 다음과 같은 질문이 있었습니다.
서초 정토회는 기존 업무에 본부를 운영하는 역할도 있어 활동가들이 어떤 활동을 중심에 두고 해 나가야 할지 고민이 됩니다.
부처님께서는 제자들에게 전법의 길을 떠나라고 하실 때 둘이 의지해서 함께 가라고 하지 않고 왜 혼자서 가라고 하셨나요?
온라인 정토회로 전환되고 법당이라는 공간이 없어지면 지역 정토회는 운영을 어떻게 해야 하나요?
정토회 통일의병들이 소임을 2-3개씩 하는데 행복학교 진행까지 하려니 부담이 됩니다. 또 지인들에게 불교대학 홍보 시즌 때마다 홍보문자를 보내고 요즘은 행복학교까지 홍보하니 별로 좋아하지 않아요. 스트레스를 받는데 어떤 마음으로 활동을 해야 할까요?

질문에 대해 답변을 다 해준 후 마지막으로 스님은 다시 한번 정토회가 지켜나가고자 하는 원칙에 대해 강조했습니다.


“스님이 너무 까다롭다고 생각하지 마세요. 부처님이 살아가신 삶에 비교하면 지금 제가 살고 있는 삶은 초호화판입니다. 지금과 같은 온라인 시대에는 제가 있는 이곳에 폐교 하나만 가지고도 얼마든지 활동할 수 있잖아요. 우리가 온라인 시대의 도래를 미처 예상하지 못하고 건물을 짓긴 했습니다만, 새로 지은 건물도 활용 가치가 굉장히 많을 겁니다. 앞으로 정토회 활동이 확대될 것을 예상하면 금방 건물 안이 가득 찰 겁니다.

모순을 해결할 수 있는 방법

그러나 이 세상에서 정한 법규에는 이런 건물은 자격증 있는 사람이 업무를 맡아야 한다고 정해져 있다는 겁니다. 부처님의 가르침인 불법의 원칙과 세상의 원칙이 지금 안 맞고 있는 거예요. 우리가 그런 업무를 능히 맡아서 할 수 있다고 해도 ‘당신한테 자격이 있느냐’ 이렇게 됩니다. 법륜 스님이 이렇게 법문을 하고 여러분들이 다 스님을 좋아해도 동국대 교수 자격은 없어요. 대학도 안 다녔고, 박사 학위도 업으니까요. 환자를 잘 보는 사람이 있어도 의사 자격증이 없으면 의료행위를 할 수가 없잖아요. 그런 것처럼 새로 짓는 건물 운영에도 이런 한계와 모순이 있습니다. 세상의 규칙을 따라가면 부처님의 가르침이 훼손되고, 여기서 부처님의 가르침을 고집하면 세상이 정한 법을 어기는 행위가 돼요. 지금 이런 모순에 놓여 있습니다.

이 모순을 해결하려면 여러분 중에서 전문 자격증이 있는 사람이 큰 뜻을 내어서 새로운 건물 운영에 참여해줘야 해요. 부처님의 가르침도 지키면서 세상의 법규도 지킬 수 있다면 그게 제일 좋잖아요. 그렇게 되기 위해서는 여러분 중 누군가의 헌신적인 삶의 자세가 필요합니다. 안 그러면 건물 문을 닫아 놓아야 해요. 다른 사람들은 그 건물에 들어가 살더라도 저는 밖에서 살 생각입니다.


다시 부처님의 가르침으로 돌아가서


어떤 분은 스님이 타고 다니는 차가 지금 상태로 계속 다니면 위험하다고 하면서 더 좋은 차를 사야 한다는 얘기를 합니다. 그렇지만 저는 지금 타고 다니는 봉고만 해도 부처님에 비해 초호화판이라고 생각하거든요. 거기에 무엇을 더할 필요가 있느냐는 거죠.

부처님이 그렇게 살아가셨기 때문에 저도 조심할 수가 있는 거예요. 그것처럼 제가 이렇게 살아야 미래의 정토회 수행자들도 주의를 하게 된다는 겁니다.


저부터 남이 주는 것 다 받아먹고 살면 후대 사람들도 그 모습을 다 본받게 돼요. 사람은 누구나 그렇게 따라 하게 되어 있습니다. 그렇기 때문에 수행자는 항상 도에 지나치지 않도록 살아야 해요. 여러분도 이렇게 관점을 갖고 수행정진해나가시면 좋겠습니다.”

합장으로 인사를 한 후 생방송을 마쳤습니다.

정토회 정회원들은 모둠별로 화상회의 방에 입장하여 오늘 법문을 들은 소감을 나누었습니다.


스님은 점심 식사를 한 후 여유 시간이 생겨서 농사팀 행자님들에게 산행을 가자고 제안했습니다.

“오후에 다들 뭐 하세요? 산행을 같이 다녀올까 하는데...”

“저희는 요즘 행복학교 진행자 교육을 받고 있어요. 시간을 내기가 어렵겠습니다.”

“알겠습니다.”

아무도 시간이 나지 않아서 산에는 가지 못하고 오후 내내 여러 업무들을 처리하며 시간을 보냈습니다.

내일은 아침에 농사일을 한 후 하루 종일 공동체 법사단과 정토대전 편찬에 대해 회의를 할 예정입니다.
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Interview_Tara_Brach ALLOW LIFE TO BE JUST AS IT IS”

Flow_Mindfulness-Interview_Tara_Brach.pdf

ALLOW LIFE TO BE JUST AS IT IS”
—Tara Brach


Clinical psychologist and mindfulness coach Tara Brach has known
hardships: a mother who struggled with addiction, a miscarriage and
a painful chronic illness. These difficulties, however, led her to find
mindfulness, which has changed her life and helps her to help others.
She shares her insights in her book True Refuge.
---
When Ego Meets Non-Ego

Western psychology and Buddhism—together they offer us a complete diagnosis of the human condition. AndreA Miller talks to three psychotherapists who  are combining them into a powerful path to love and fulfillment







 
for mental well-being, clear seeing, and healthy relationships.
When asked what she views as the essential common ground between Western psychology and Buddhism, Brach says it’s their understanding that suffering comes from the parts of our being that are not recognized and embraced in the light of awareness. “What the two traditions share,” she says, “is shining a light on the rejected, unprocessed parts of the psyche.”

Brach is a clinical psychologist, the founder of the Insight Meditation Community of Washington, D.C., and the author of Radical Acceptance. The inspiration for her new book, True Refuge, was her illness.
When she was mourning the loss of her physical abilities, she became aware of a profound longing to love life no matter what. “I wanted the awakened heart,” she says, “which would allow me to embrace this world—the living world, the dying world, the whole thing.” 
Brach calls that kind of acceptance and inner freedom “true refuge.” It’s true, she writes in her book, “because it does not depend on anything outside ourselves—a certain situation, a person, a cure, even a particular mood or emotion.” 

According to Brach, true refuge has three gateways: truth, love, and awareness. 
  1. “Truth,” explains Brach, “is the understanding or realization that comes out of being present with the life that’s right here and now. 
  2. Love is bringing presence to the domain of the heart, the domain of relationships, and the realization that arises out of that is interconnectedness. 
  3. Then awareness is when we bring presence to the formless awakeness that is right here. When we discover the refuge of our own formless being, that’s awareness waking up to itself.”
 
“Truth, love, and awareness” is Brach’s secularized articulation of the three jewels of Buddhism—
  1. the teacher, Buddha; 
  2. the teaching, dharma; and 
  3. the community, sangha. 
She’s opted for this nonreligious language because she feels the search for true refuge and its three gateways are universal. 

In the context of Buddhism, 
  • truth is dharma,
  •  love is sangha, and 
  • awareness is Buddha. 

But in Christian terms, claims Brach,
  •  “the Father is awareness, 
  • the Son is the living truth of this moment-to-moment experience, and 
  • when awareness and moment-to-moment experience are in relationship, there is love, which is the Holy Ghost.”

without adding more judgment.

 Then she engaged in “I” and investigated the tight knot in her chest. “I asked that tight knot what it believed,” says Brach. “And its views were that nobody was cooperating with my agenda for having a harmonious time and I was falling short. It believed that my son is the one who’s not doing such-and-such and it’s my fault that so-and-so is not getting along.”

Brach breathed into the place that was upset and sent a message of gentleness and kindness inward. That enabled some space, some tenderness, to open up inside. Then the “N” of RAIN—resting in the natural state of awareness—was able to unfold effortlessly. Now when she brought to mind the different members of her family, Brach could still see their neuroses but no longer felt aversion or judgment. These family members were her loved ones. 

RAIN invites a shift in identity, says Brach.
It helps transform an angry, blaming person into a tender presence that gently holds whatever’s going on. “That’s the gift of Buddhism,” 
“What these two traditions share,” Tara Brach says, “is shining a light on the rejected, unprocessed parts Brach concludes.

 “The whole fruit of our path and practice is to wake up from who we thought we were, which is usually separate and deficient 

In her own life, Brach began regularly implementing RAIN when she realized how much separation she created between herself and others whenever she judged, resented, or blamed people or situations, even subtly. 

To explain how RAIN is practiced, she offers an example from her own life: Brach went on holiday with her family and found herself “down on everybody for all their different neuroses, even the family dog for begging at the table.” So she put on her parka, headed outside for a walk, and 
started with “R,” recognize. Annoyed, irritated, blaming—she recognized how she was feeling. 
Moving on to “A,” she allowed those feelings to be there, of the psyche.”

To help us connect more deeply to our own inner life, with each other, and with the world around us, Brach teaches a technique called RAIN. This acronym, originally coined by Vipassana teacher Michele McDonald, stands for: 
  1. Recognize what is happening; 
  2. Allow life to be just as it is; 
  3. Investigate inner experience with kindness; and 
  4. rest in the Natural state of awareness or nonidentification.

in some way, and to rest in the vastness of heart and awareness that is our true nature.”

---

When couples come in to see psychotherapist John Welwood, they often begin by complaining, “We’re so different.” 

“Well, guess what?” says Welwood. “That’s called relationship.” Both globally and personally, we tend to feel threatened by difference. Yet it’s possible to celebrate it and learn from it.

Welwood is a longtime Vajrayana Buddhist who is the author of groundbreaking books such as Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships and Toward a Psychology of Awakening. Like Brach, he believes that humanity’s fundamental problem is that people are disconnected from their true nature. He adds that while this is a spiritual articulation, it is also accurate psychologically. He believes that this disconnection from our true nature happens in relationship, starting when we are children.
Growing up, we are dependent on parents and other adults who are themselves disconnected. Through neglect, abuse, or simply lack of attunement, they transmit disconnection to us. “This is the beginning of relational wounding,” says Welwood. “The child doesn’t feel fully seen, valued, or loved for who they are. Now, you could say, ‘Well, it’s an imperfect world and nobody gets the ideal love,’ and that’s probably true, but not getting it does leave psychological scarring.” For some people, the wounds are minor and readily workable; for others, the wounds are deep and lead to complete dysfunction. 
Relational wounding creates a sense of deficiency inside, which we try to compensate for by proving that we really are loveable—that we really are good or strong or smart. Theoretically it is possible to heal these wounds without the help of a therapist, but practically speaking, says Welwood, “it’s not realistic—just the same way the spiritual path isn’t easy to do on your own.”
The healing power of therapy, he asserts, lies largely in the relationship between the therapist and client. It’s so rare for us to experience being truly seen and related to by another human being that the therapeutic relationship “is like stepping into a healing bath,” he says. “You’re suddenly in an environment where it’s all oriented toward supporting you, hearing you, being with you, valuing you. Because that’s so much needed in our body and mind, we soak it up.” 
But is therapy’s focus on me and my personal story at odds with the Buddhist teachings of no-self? Welwood doesn’t think so. Most of us believe in a false self—the conditioned separate self or ego structure, which defends itself against threats and is a purely conceptual construction. When Buddhism says there is no self, that’s what it’s referring to. But then, says Welwood, there is the true person. open and boundless, it grows out of the understanding of no self, yet has the capacity to lead a full, personal life that’s attuned to relative reality.
“If you just live in the realm of no self,” asks Welwood, “then how do you work with relative situations? The essence of our humanness is relatedness. If you’re in a human relationship, you’ve got to process that relationship. You and your partner have got to talk about what you each like and don’t like, what is hurtful, and what is most important or meaningful to you. From the point of view of pure being, there’s no self and no other—there’s just being. But on the level of the person, you’re different than I am. If we’re going to be able to relate to each other, we really have to get know each other. That’s part of learning to be in a relationship.” 
When asked why intimate relationships so often press our buttons, Welwood turns the question around. “What is the button?” he says. “The button is our relational wounding. If your buttons are pressed, the question is, what is getting triggered? So instead of focusing on the other person and what they’re doing to you or not doing for you, focus on what aspect of the wound is getting touched.” If you understand how things that happened 
It is possible to heal our wounds without a therapist but, says John Welwood, “it’s not realistic—just the same way the spiritual path isn’t easy to do on your own.” 
“Happiness or enlightenment is not some-   thing that takes place in our brains,” Barry   Magid says. “They are functions of a   whole person living a whole life.”
in the past are feeding your feelings in the present moment, then you might find the situation to be more workable.
Marriage, in Welwood’s words, can be like a crucible or alchemical container in which substances are mixed together and transformed. In marriage as a conscious relationship, the container is the commitment to stay with it no matter how difficult it is, the willingness “to bring awareness to whatever is going on, rather than acting out your conditioned patterns from the past. You take everything, all the challenges in the relationship, as opportunities to become more fully awake, to become more fully present, loving, and giving.” The transformation generated between the two people leads to a deep transformation within each of them.
one critical ingredient for healthy intimate relationships is a realistic sense of their limitations: relationships cannot in and of themselves fill the hole of love created in childhood. In Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships, Welwood teaches that we need to learn how to be there for ourselves and recognize that our lives are held in an absolute love. To tap into this love, he offers this six-step exercise:
(1) Settle into your body. Sitting or lying down, take a few deep breaths. 
(2) Turn your attention toward some way in which you feel cut off from love in your life right now and see how that lack feels in your body. 
(3) Without trying to get anything from anybody in particular, open to the pure energy of your longing to feel more connected. Deeply feel the energy in this longing. 
(4) See if you can feel the longing in your heart center and soften your crown center, which is at the top and back of your head.
(5) Notice if there is any presence of love available now. Don’t think about it too hard or fabricate what isn’t there. But if there is some love or warmth at hand, let it enter you. Give yourself ample time to be with whatever you’re experiencing and keep in mind that the presence of absolute love may be very subtle, like being held in a gentle embrace.
(6) Instead of holding yourself up, let love be your ground. Allow yourself to melt.
Welwood came up with this practice because of his own needs. Working with it, he quickly felt profound changes— so much so that he believed he’d never again need love from people in the same way. “I experienced a new kind of trust and relaxation in knowing that I could have my own direct access to perfect love whenever I needed it,” he writes. “My investment in grievance diminished, along with tendencies to expect others to provide ideal love.”
Yet this practice did not prove to be a panacea—nothing is— and Welwood eventually found himself slipping back into old relational expectations. It did, however, leave him with the genuine knowledge that something else was possible. “This served as a polestar,” he concludes, “in guiding me toward seeing what I still need to work on to free myself further.”

---

When people ask Barry Magid what the difference is between psychoanalysis and psychotherapy, he wryly asserts that psychoanalysis doesn’t help anyone.
“This dovetails with the idea of no gain in Zen,” says Magid, who is a psychoanalyst, a psychiatrist, and the founder of The ordinary Mind Zendo in New York. “psychotherapies in a broad sense can be thought of as problem-solving techniques and are very useful as such. In contrast, Zen is not a technique and is not a means to an end. Zen may literally be the only useless thing we do, and this uselessness is actually the essence of Zen being a religious practice. We experience the moment, ourselves, and life itself exclusively for its own sake, and this is the basis of reverence.” Zen is an expression of who we are.
Likewise, psychoanalysis—the classical technique developed by Freud—is an open-ended process in which we stay with our experience without any idea where it’s going to lead. This is the opposite of self-help or self-improvement. Yet paradoxically, it’s profoundly transformative. once we really give up trying to change, real change can occur.
According to Magid, both Zen and psychoanalysis stir up feelings—good and bad—and offer a stable container in which to face them. on the analysis side, the container is the analyst-client relationship. In the zendo, the container is the structure, the setting, and the sitting. Zen students literally sit still with whatever comes up, whether it’s physical or emotional. Both disciplines, in essence, are about staying with a bigger range of experience than we usually want to tolerate; they just do it in two different contexts.
 In Magid’s opinion, “No matter what anyone says, the reason we come to Buddhist practice is that at some level we’re doing it to get rid of an aspect of the self we don’t want to deal with. We might say our aim is to become wiser and more compassionate, but usually what we really want is to get rid of our anxiety, our vulnerability, our anger, and those aspects of sexuality that are troublesome. practice then becomes a way of having one part of ourselves fighting another—one part is trying to throw another part overboard in the name of selflessness.”
 When people practice meditation in this way, says Magid, “something about them ends up feeling dead. They feel like they’ve practiced for a long time, but have failed because they’ve never been able to get rid of…fill in the blank.” Yet practice isn’t intended to get rid of anything. practice should be a way to let everything stay just as it is.
In his book Ordinary Mind, Magid says practicing zazen for the purpose of affecting change is like exercising because you think you’re overweight. If your motivation is to squelch an aspect of yourself that repels you and to actualize an image of yourself that you desire, then you will have to exert continual effort. Yet if you practice or exercise because you feel that doing so is a natural part of the day and because somehow it makes you feel “more like yourself,” then no gaining idea will be necessary to motivate you.
As Magid sees it, neuroscience has been used to fuel the idea that meditation is a means to an end, and he finds this worrisome. “If we think that what we want is to be in a particular brain state, then meditation becomes a means to get into that state, and we start asking if meditation is indeed the most efficient means,” he says. “Maybe we start to wonder if we couldn’t just bypass a lot of that really boring sitting by taking the right pill. And now we’re down a road of thinking that what we’re trying to do is get into a particular subjective state and stay there. But in meditation—and in analysis—we’re trying to learn to not prefer, to not cling to any one state. Similarly, happiness or enlightenment is not something that takes place in our brains. Happiness and enlightenment are functions of a whole person living a whole life.”
Yet in the face of depression and anxiety, Magid does not eschew medication. The real issue “is what someone needs in order to sit still and stay with their own experience. If someone is obsessively ruminating or chronically anxious, that blocks any other kind of experience.” So the use of prozac or another medication may allow some people to experience states of mind beyond the ones they’re stuck in. “I think people are often worried about not being able to do it all on their own or being dependent on medication,” Magid adds. “But nobody’s doing anything on their own. There’s no such thing as autonomy. To enable us to practice, we all rely on the group, the teacher, the tradition—all sorts of things. If for some people medication is what enables them to practice, I have no problem with it.”
Charlotte Beck, Magid’s late teacher, received the Japanese name “Joko” from her Zen teacher, Maezumi Roshi, yet she did not continue the practice of giving students Buddhist names. Magid, however, has adopted the tradition—with a twist. In a ceremony, he gives his students not a special, foreign name, but rather their real name. The one they already use every day. This is his reminder that practice and ordinary life are one and the same. ♦

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True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart by Tara Brach | Goodreads

True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart by Tara Brach | Goodreads

True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart
by Tara Brach (Goodreads Author)
 4.10  ·   Rating details ·  2,661 ratings  ·  137 reviews
How do you cope when facing life-threatening illness, family conflict, faltering relationships, old trauma, obsessive thinking, overwhelming emotion, or inevitable loss? If you’re like most people, chances are you react with fear and confusion, falling back on timeworn strategies: anger, self-judgment, and addictive behaviors. Though these old, conditioned attempts to control our life may offer fleeting relief, ultimately they leave us feeling isolated and mired in pain.
 
There is another way. Beneath the turbulence of our thoughts and emotions exists a profound stillness, a silent awareness capable of limitless love. Tara Brach, author of the award-winning Radical Acceptance, calls this awareness our true refuge, because it is available to every one of us, at any moment, no exceptions. In this book, Brach offers a practical guide to finding our inner sanctuary of peace and wisdom in the midst of difficulty.
 
Based on a fresh interpretation of the three classic Buddhist gateways to freedom—truth, love, and awareness—True Refuge shows us the way not just to heal our suffering, but also to cultivate our capacity for genuine happiness. Through spiritual teachings, guided meditations, and inspirational stories of people who discovered loving presence during times of great struggle, Brach invites us to connect more deeply with our own inner life, one another, and the world around us.
 
True Refuge is essential reading for anyone encountering hardship or crisis, anyone dedicated to a path of spiritual awakening. The book reminds us of our own innate intelligence and goodness, making possible an enduring trust in ourselves and our lives. We realize that what we seek is within us, and regardless of circumstances, “there is always a way to take refuge in a healing and liberating presence.”

Advance praise for True Refuge
 
“Tara Brach writes from the heart to the heart. With candor and calmness, she shares her own and others’ struggles to overcome our deep and constant human dilemmas. Whenever I read Brach, I feel more peaceful and hopeful. I trust myself and the universe more. I feel more connected and grounded in what the Lakota Sioux call Wakan Tanka, The Great Mystery. True Refuge is itself a refuge and I thank the author for it.”—Mary Pipher, Ph.D., New York Times bestselling author of The Green Boat and Reviving Ophelia
 
“There is something very special about this exquisitely written book—its clarity, beauty, simplicity, and humanity practically sing to you. Inspiring and uplifting to read, it also has eminently practical, implementable, step-by-step guidance to practice and live by. And the fifteen brief, powerful guided meditations offer an easy, gentle entry toward inner peace and wisdom. While turning the pages, I thought of a half dozen people who could really use this book as a friendly, loving reference point—myself included!”—Belleruth Naparstek, author of Invisible Heroes and creator of the Health Journeys guided imagery audio series (less)
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Published January 22nd 2013 by Bantam
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Siddhartha by Hermann HesseThe Art of Happiness by Dalai Lama XIVZen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryu SuzukiWhen Things Fall Apart by Pema ChödrönPeace Is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh
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Tabitha
Mar 10, 2013Tabitha rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
I do not know how to review a book without being personal; reading, to me, is insanely personal. Tara Brach begins her book with the revelation that she has spent the past 20 years of her life trying to figure out the source of her chronic, physical pain, only to find out that the condition will be with her the rest of her life. While it did not take me 20 years, I did spend the last decade of my life knowing something was physically wrong with me and desperately trying to find doctors who would listen to me and be able to help (a combination most rare in my experience). And, like Ms Brach, my search resulted in a diagnosis of something that I will spend my life dealing with and being effected by. Truly, those first few pages of True Refuge strongly resonated with me. I understood her writings of longing to find something to take refugee within. Medical problems have a way of being constantly present, always impacting your life, what you can and cannot do. By the time I read this book, I was longing for something to bring comfort, longing for moments of peace, longing to accept what has been placed before me. Without being over-dramatic, I was able to find that within these pages. As with her other book, Tara Brach includes guided meditations at the end of each chapter. If done sincerely, with openness for what unfolds, these guided meditations really did provide me with moments of solace. For that precious gift, this book deserves more stars than I can give. (less)
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Richard Heckler
Jan 22, 2013Richard Heckler rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Reading Tara Brach's new book, True Refuge, is like sitting by a fireplace, listening and talking with a best friend. She writes calmly, intimately, from the inside out. Tara is able to describe the human predicament, our vulnerabilities and foibles, our fears and aspirations, with a respect and accuracy that emboldens us to acknowledge what’s true, and empowers us to begin the reflective work of creating a happier, richer life.

And, she has walked the walk, as you can hear in this video. I am so glad she has taken a bigger step into the public eye. Although one may not imagine it from watching her talks on you tube, or by visiting the webpage of the Insight Meditation Community of Washington DC, or by seeing how humble and personable she is, but Tara has become one of the great Buddhist teachers alive today. I highly recommend 'True Refuge' to…well, anyone, Buddhist or not. It’s a treasure, and will grow only more valuable as we age.
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Jeffrey
Dec 19, 2012Jeffrey rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
The second book by one of the foremost teachers of Buddhist meditation and thought in the West. Tara Brach is without peer in her ability to synthesize the ancient teachings of the Buddha with modern psychology. The clarity and compassion with which she shares her wisdom makes her writing accessible to all, including those with no prior knowledge of Buddhist teachings. The book is a must-read for anyone on a spiritual path. Highly recommended.
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Ayse_
Jun 26, 2017Ayse_ rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
Shelves: reviews
Similar to the wisdom of Pema Chodron, one can find a soothing and encouraging friend in Tara Brach. When the going gets tough, when the breath becomes shallow, its best to take five and listen to what they are saying.. In this particular book, there are meditations that help you persevere and lead you to find your inner strenght. These mental exercises are less fun than grabbing a chocolate cake or a margharita but have zero calories and more refreshing in the long run :)
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Ellie
Mar 10, 2019Ellie rated it it was amazing
Shelves: spiritual, 2019indchal, non-fiction
Although I loved Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha even more, this book was still a 5-star read for me. The meditations are very helpful--really powerful and as in the case of of the first book I read her sharing of personal experience is both touching and encouraging. It also helps ground the practice and helped me to understand better what was happening during my own meditation. (less)
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Raya Sun
Jun 03, 2018Raya Sun rated it really liked it  ·  review of another edition
An essential read, I'm sure I will refer to it often. I'm new to meditation and mindfulness and found this book very instructional in looking within for refuge.

Loving life no matter what, finding refuge within our own hearts and minds--right here, right now, moment to moment.

I appreciate the realistic and gentle tone of the book, as it also details how to deal with difficult emotions using RAIN. Compulsive thinking--with no resolution, going nowhere, in an endless loop, is also discussed.

The book includes many stories of people using the included techniques. I was disappointed to notice an annoying and frustrating, yet common practice in American speech and writing; noting a person's race when it has no relevance to the story. This was only done when the person was African-American or a person or color.

Many stories were told in which the race of the subject was not identified. Why could this not be the case for everyone?

Mentioning race only perpetuates "not like us" which the world needs less of now. (less)
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Robin
Jul 04, 2020Robin rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
True Refuge approaches meditation and mindfulness through a thoughtful emotional lens. On the contrary, the mindfulness approach that I was taught by a therapist instructed me to bring the focus of attention away from my mental ruminations to the present. I was meant to pay attention to sensory stimulation, like the breeze in the afternoon or the golden light of the hour just before the sun sets. In meditation, I was to let thoughts be. They were to come and go like cars at a stoplight while I focused on my breathing.

This practice was soothing during times of little to no stress, but when my mind was really lit up fear, grief, or sadness I felt weirdly uncomfortable when I tried to meditate. What if your present is horrible?

As I tried to breathe in calm and breath out tension, the tension would creep back up my nostrils like invisible smoke. The cars would come to the stoplight, but they wouldn't go. At the end of the meditation session it felt like my entire psyche was 50 car pile up.

Tara Brach is a licensed clinical psychologist as well as a practicing Buddhist. Her approach to mindfulness meditation is a little bit different. With patient anecdotes and quotes from Buddhist teaching, she writes about turning attention inward during difficult times. That very tension that you're trying so hard to breathe out can instead invite a mindful reflection on how you're feeling.

People tend to turn away from noxious stimulus. It's natural. It's harder to sit with our feelings when they are painful. A child burrowing under the covers to hide from the monster in the closet will certainly be afraid every night. Only shining a bright light in the closet helps her realize it's just clothes in there. Likewise, turning away from fear doesn't make it go away. Distraction, avoidance, using alcohol or medication may work in the short term but it doesn't resolve deeper feelings of pain and fear. On the contrary, repressing normal feelings can induce a type of numbness where where you can't feel much of anything at all, good or bad.

Tara Brach encourages the reader to peel off the spacesuit self - the armor we wear to protect our emotions from hurt by others - and bring honest attention to the difficulties we are feeling. By welcoming thoughts and feelings with kindness and allowing them to be expressed and experienced, we can work toward more a sense of perspective, compassion and insight.

Some of the examples in the book make this work seem a little bit easier than it is. At first I found the exercises incredibly difficult and uncomfortable. Turning toward fear or shame or anger is not intuitive. Using mindfulness as a way to gently connect with my physical pain and emotional pain, I began to feel calm again. I had not realized how disconnected from myself I had become, or how hard I had worked on avoiding pain.

Now, I am able to lie still sometimes in the quiet. Before I had to have a radio on or something else to distract me from my own thoughts and my illness. Again I am starting to feel at home in my own body and mind. I can even focus on the sensory kind of mindfulness sometimes.

True Refuge is more reminiscent of therapy work than wellness or self-help work. Many of the exercises involve a sort of cognitive behavior therapy based on the recognition of emotions, reflection and analysis, and self nurturing. I have used this technique over and over again and have found it incredibly helpful. (less)
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Larry Smith
Feb 08, 2015Larry Smith rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Recommends it for: adults, college students, interfaith communities
Welcome this sense of self that Tara Brach is able to touch with us. One of the wonderful things about Tara Brach is her ability to know us through knowing herself, and what she's able to give to us in her advice and examples is how we all connect. There is light within if we open to it. But this is not a "spiritual" book in the sense of being vague or lofty, but a very "practical" book that is based in meditation practice and in being straight with ourselves. What I sense most is her welcoming us to be in touch with ourselves and accept and trust who we are. Unlike our Facebook self, this is the true self that grows and heals with our touching and knowing it. She is a fine writer and guide.
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Colette
Feb 20, 2013Colette added it  ·  review of another edition
Can already tell this is a powerful, honest, just awesome book. I sense i will be dottig it with post-it's as I did her previous book, highly recommended: Radical Acceptance.
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Jill
Jul 10, 2020Jill rated it it was amazing
“We weigh down our lives with memories of what used to be and fears of what we have yet to lose. We make music with what we have left.”

At the risk of being hyperbolic, I think this book may have changed my life. It’s not really new information to me (mindfulness is big focus), but way it was presented really resonated with me and among other things, gives me fresh motivation and approach to meditation practice I struggle with. Found myself taking lots of notes and jotting things down. Lots of examples drawn from Buddhism, so I guess if that’s not your cup of tea might be sorta off putting? (less)
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Alicia
Jul 18, 2020Alicia rated it really liked it
“The great gift of a spiritual path is coming to trust that you can find a way to true refuge. You realize that you can start right where you are, in the midst of your life, and find peace in any circumstance. Even at those moments when the ground shakes terribly beneath you—when there’s a loss that will alter your life forever—you can still trust that you will find your way home. This is possible because you’ve touched the timeless love and awareness that are intrinsic to who you are.”

“The only way to live is by accepting each minute as an unrepeatable miracle.”
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Lisa
Sep 05, 2019Lisa rated it liked it
Shelves: 2019-books-read, mindfulness
My first time completing a book on mindfulness and meditation - listened to as an Audible. The introduction grabbed me, being familiar with chronic pain, and I did find refuge in knowing that it is possible to find other ways to cope with the emotional and physical strain of such a condition. Brach does an excellent job detailing practical practices for such challenges in life. Her focus was more on the psychological aspects, and I would have found it to be a better book with some attention paid to the physical aspects.
I was frustrated with the real life examples that she gave of sessions with clients and the outcome. After YEARS of emotional dysfunction and anxiety, the book portrayed using RAIN as a rather miraculous solution to some issues that had been with many of her clients since childhood. This, combined with some of the less tangible concepts that were difficult to grasp garnered a drop from 3.75 to 3 stars. (less)
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Nakeesha
Jan 10, 2013Nakeesha rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
Its going to take me a minute to read this book -and that's a compliment. Every time I start picking up speed Brach writes something that stops me in my tracks and forces me to stop, backtrack, reread and then live her advice for a couple of days. Then I go back and reread, move forward a little bit, start picking up speed and the process repeats itself. I have a shelf of Buddhist texts, but its Brach that always breaks the information down so sensibly. My favorite parts are when she's giving anecdotal bits about her life and her path-journey. It wasn't a perfect journey. She tells you all her bumps in the road, the times she was mean and selfish. At one point I gasped out loud and said, no you didn't Tara Brach! But she did and in each memory she's teaching you. Its truly a living text.

ARC provided by Net Galley (less)
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T.Kay Browning
Mar 07, 2014T.Kay Browning rated it it was amazing  ·  review of another edition
What I really loved about this book is that I've been listening to/reading Tara Brach for over a year now, one book and a couple dozen podcast episodes and not once did I know that she was diagnosed with a degenerative genetic disease that is slowly making her life ever more painful. She doesn't focus on that to get sympathy or to show strength, but she does bring it out and explore it deeply in this one book in order to relate to those who are experiencing deep sorrow in their lives. She continues to pull out meaning from darkness, never giving simple answers and acknowledging pain in really meaningful ways. (less)
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Melissa
Jul 29, 2013Melissa rated it liked it  ·  review of another edition
Brach writes of her own frustration with a rare disease that causes pain everywhere in her body and has hindered her once active lifestyle, and how meditation has helped. She also describes how she teaches meditation to those who come to her for guidance in handling difficult events in their lives. Author gives a lot of interesting meditation coping skills, but at times it drifts off into 'hippie talk'.

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Wayback Machine When Ego Meets Non-Ego

Wayback Machine When Ego Meets Non-Ego

Western psychology and Buddhism—together they offer us a complete diagnosis of the human condition. Andrea Miller talks to three psychotherapists who are combining them into a powerful path to love and fulfillment.
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