The death of Christianity in the U.S. – Baptist News Global

The death of Christianity in the U.S. – Baptist News Global
The death of Christianity in the U.S.

OPINION
MIGUEL DE LA TORRE | NOVEMBER 13, 2017



Christianity has died in the hands of Evangelicals. Evangelicalism ceased being a religious faith tradition following Jesus’ teachings concerning justice for the betterment of humanity when it made a Faustian bargain for the sake of political influence. The beauty of the gospel message — of love, of peace and of fraternity — has been murdered by the ambitions of Trumpish flimflammers who have sold their souls for expediency. No greater proof is needed of the death of Christianity than the rush to defend a child molester in order to maintain a majority in the U.S. Senate.

Evangelicals have constructed an exclusive interpretation which fuses and confuses white supremacy with salvation. Only those from the dominant culture, along with their supposed inferiors who with colonized minds embrace assimilation, can be saved. But their salvation damns Jesus. To save Jesus from those claiming to be his heirs, we must wrench him from the hands of those who use him as a façade from which to hide their phobias — their fear of blacks, their fear of the undocumented, their fear of Muslims, their fear of everything queer.

Evangelicalism has ceased to be a faith perspective rooted on Jesus the Christ and has become a political movement whose beliefs repudiate all Jesus advocated. A message of hate permeates their pronouncements, evident in sulphurous proclamations like the Nashville Statement, which elevates centuries of sexual dysfunctionalities since the days of Augustine by imposing them upon Holy Writ. They condemn as sin those who express love outside the evangelical anti-body straitjacket.

Evangelicalism’s unholy marriage to the Prosperity Gospel justifies multi-millionaire bilkers wearing holy vestments made of sheep’s clothing who discovered being profiteers rather than prophets delivers an earthly security never promised by the One in whose name they slaughter those who are hungry, thirsty and naked, and the alien among them. Christianity at a profit is an abomination before all that is Holy. From their gilded pedestals erected in white centers of wealth and power, they gaslight all to believe they are the ones being persecuted because of their faith.

Evangelicalism’s embrace of a new age of ignorance, blames homosexuality for Harvey’s rage rather than considering the scientific consequences climate change has on the number of increasing storms of greater and greater ferocity. To ignore the damage caused to God’s creation so the few can profit in raping Mother Earth causes celebrations in the fiery pits of Gehenna.

Evangelicalism forsakes holding a sexual predator, an adulterer, a liar and a racist accountable, instead serving as a shield against those who question POTUS’ immorality because of some warped reincarnation of Cyrus. Laying holy hands upon the incarnation of the very vices Jesus condemned to advance a political agenda — instead of rebuking and chastising in loving prayer — has prostituted the gospel in exchange for the victory of a Supreme Court pick.

Evangelicalism either remained silent or actually supported Charlottesville goose steppers because they protect their white privilege with the doublespeak of preserving heritage, leading them to equate opponents of fascist movements with the purveyors of hatred. Jesus has yet recovered from the vomiting induced by the Christian defenders of torch-wielding white nationalists calling for “blood-and-soil.”

The Evangelicals’ Jesus is satanic, and those who hustle this demon are “false apostles, deceitful workers, masquerading as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising, then, if his servants also masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve” (2 Cor. 11:13-15, NIV).

You might wonder if my condemnation is too harsh. It is not, for the Spirit of the Lord has convicted me to shout from the mountaintop how God’s precious children are being devoured by the hatred and bigotry of those who have positioned themselves as the voice of God in America.

As a young man, I walked down the sawdust aisle at a Southern Baptist church and gave my heart to Jesus. Besides offering my broken heart, I also gave my mind to understanding God, and my arm to procuring God’s call for justice. I have always considered myself to be an evangelical, but I can no longer allow my name to be tarnished by that political party masquerading as Christian. Like many women and men of good will who still struggle to believe, but not in the evangelical political agenda, I too no longer want or wish to be associated with an ideology responsible for tearing humanity apart. But if you, dear reader, still cling to a hate-mongering ideology, may I humbly suggest you get saved.

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OPINION: VIEWS EXPRESSED IN BAPTIST NEWS GLOBAL COLUMNS AND COMMENTARIES ARE SOLELY THOSE OF THE AUTHORS.

TAGS:CharlottesvilleClimate Changedeath of Christianitydeath of churchEvangelicalEvangelicalismgospel and politicsJusticeMiguel de la TorreNashville StatementPoliticsPresident Trumpprosperity gospelRoy Moorewhite privilegewhite supremacy

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MIGUEL DE LA TORRE

Brené Brown 2] Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live

Rising Strong: How the Ability to Reset Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead: Brené Brown: 9780812985801: Amazon.com: Books

Amazon.com Review

An Amazon Best Book of August 2015: You may be someone who looks at Rising Strong and says, “oh, that’s not really for me….” Translation: I don’t read or need that self-help stuff, give me a good novel and go away. But Brené Brown isn’t a spiritual guru, or someone who’s risen from the ashes to tell us how to live our lives. She’s a researcher. And Rising Strong isn’t some feel-good-get-over-it regimen; it’s more investigative reporting on the common denominators of people who whole-heartedly get back up and go another round after getting their asses handed to them in big and small ways. In her straightforward Texan voice, Brown sets the table for us to get curious about life’s sticky moments and invites us to serve ourselves a plate of what she’s learned in over a decade of research. I don’t know about you, but I’m not trying to be famous or come up with a cure that will change the world, I just want to live happily and keep getting back in the arena whether I’ve been rocked on my heels, knocked to my knees, or gone face down in the dirt. For my money, seeing how I can do that better is worth reading about. – Seira Wilson--This text refers to the Hardcover edition.

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Review

“[Brené Brown’s] research and work have given us a new vocabulary, a way to talk with each other about the ideas and feelings and fears we’ve all had but haven’t quite known how to articulate. . . . Brené empowers us each to be a little more courageous.”—The Huffington Post

“With a fresh perspective that marries research and humor, Brown offers compassion while delivering thought-provoking ideas about relationships—with others and with oneself.”—Publishers Weekly

“It is inevitable—we will fall. We will fail. We will not know how to react or what to do. No matter how or when it happens, we will all have a choice—do we get up or not? Thankfully, Brené Brown is there with an outstretched arm to help us up.”—Simon Sinek, author of Start with Why and Leaders Eat Last

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About the Author

Dr. Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation-Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work.

She has spent the past sixteen years studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy and is the author of three #1 New York Times bestsellers – The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, and Rising Strong. Her latest book, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and The Courage to Stand Alone, will be released Fall 2017.

Brené’s TED talk, "The Power of Vulnerability," is one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world with over 30 million views.

In addition to her research and writing, Brené is the Founder and CEO of BRAVE LEADERS INC - an organization that brings evidence-based courage building programs to teams, leaders, entrepreneurs, change makers, and culture shifters. Brené lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband, Steve, and their children, Ellen and Charlie.

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Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.


One

The Physics of Vulnerability

When it comes to human behavior, emotions, and thinking, the adage “The more I learn, the less I know” is right on. I’ve learned to give up my pursuit of netting certainty and pinning it to the wall. Some days I miss pretending that certitude is within reach. My husband, Steve, always knows I’m mourning the loss of my young-­researcher quest when I am holed up in my study listening to David Gray’s song “My Oh My” on repeat. My favorite lyrics are:

What on earth is going on in my head?

You know I used to be so sure.

You know I used to be so definite.

And it’s not just the lyrics; it’s the way that he sings the word def.in.ite. Sometimes, it sounds to me as if he’s mocking the arrogance of believing that we can ever know everything, and other times it sounds like he’s pissed off that we can’t. Either way, singing along makes me feel better. Music always makes me feel less alone in the mess.

While there are really no hard-­and-­fast absolutes in my field, there are truths about shared experiences that deeply resonate with what we believe and know. For example, the Roosevelt quote that anchors my research on vulnerability and daring gave birth to three truths for me:

I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.

Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.

A lot of cheap seats in the arena are filled with people who never venture onto the floor. They just hurl mean-­spirited criticisms and put-­downs from a safe distance. The problem is, when we stop caring what people think and stop feeling hurt by cruelty, we lose our ability to connect. But when we’re defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Therefore, we need to be selective about the feedback we let into our lives. For me, if you’re not in the arena getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.

I don’t think of these as “rules,” but they have certainly become guiding principles for me. I believe there are also some basic tenets about being brave, risking vulnerability, and overcoming adversity that are useful to understand before we get started. I think of these as the basic laws of emotional physics: simple but powerful truths that help us understand why courage is both transformational and rare. These are the rules of engagement for rising strong.

1. If we are brave enough often enough, we will fall; this is the physics of vulnerability. When we commit to showing up and risking falling, we are actually committing to falling. Daring is not saying, “I’m willing to risk failure.” Daring is saying, “I know I will eventually fail and I’m still all in.” Fortune may favor the bold, but so does failure.

2. Once we fall in the service of being brave, we can never go back. We can rise up from our failures, screwups, and falls, but we can never go back to where we stood before we were brave or before we fell. Courage transforms the emotional structure of our being. This change often brings a deep sense of loss. During the process of rising, we sometimes find ourselves homesick for a place that no longer exists. We want to go back to that moment before we walked into the arena, but there’s nowhere to go back to. What makes this more difficult is that now we have a new level of awareness about what it means to be brave. We can’t fake it anymore. We now know when we’re showing up and when we’re hiding out, when we are living our values and when we are not. Our new awareness can also be invigorating—­it can reignite our sense of purpose and remind us of our commitment to wholeheartedness. Straddling the tension that lies between wanting to go back to the moment before we risked and fell and being pulled forward to even greater courage is an inescapable part of rising strong.

3. This journey belongs to no one but you; however, no one successfully goes it alone. Since the beginning of time, people have found a way to rise after falling, yet there is no well-­worn path leading the way. All of us must make our own way, exploring some of the most universally shared experiences while also navigating a solitude that makes us feel as if we are the first to set foot in uncharted regions. And to add to the complexity, in lieu of the sense of safety to be found in a well-­traveled path or a constant companion, we must learn to depend for brief moments on fellow travelers for sanctuary, support, and an occasional willingness to walk side by side. For those of us who fear being alone, coping with the solitude inherent in this process is a daunting challenge. For those of us who prefer to cordon ourselves off from the world and heal alone, the requirement for connection—­of asking for and receiving help—­becomes the challenge.

4. We’re wired for story. In a culture of scarcity and perfectionism, there’s a surprisingly simple reason we want to own, integrate, and share our stories of struggle. We do this because we feel the most alive when we’re connecting with others and being brave with our stories—­it’s in our biology. The idea of storytelling has become ubiquitous. It’s a platform for everything from creative movements to marketing strategies. But the idea that we’re “wired for story” is more than a catchy phrase. Neuroeconomist Paul Zak has found that hearing a story—­a narrative with a beginning, middle, and end—­causes our brains to release cortisol and oxytocin. These chemicals trigger the uniquely human abilities to connect, empathize, and make meaning. Story is literally in our DNA.

5. Creativity embeds knowledge so that it can become practice. We move what we’re learning from our heads to our hearts through our hands. We are born makers, and creativity is the ultimate act of integration—­it is how we fold our experiences into our being. Over the course of my career, the question I’ve been asked more than any other is, “How do I take what I’m learning about myself and actually change how I’m living?” After teaching graduate social work students for eighteen years; developing, implementing, and evaluating two curricula over the past eight years; leading more than seventy thousand students through online learning courses; and interviewing hundreds of creatives, I’ve come to believe that creativity is the mechanism that allows learning to seep into our being and become practice. The Asaro tribe of Indonesia and Papua New Guinea has a beautiful saying: “Knowledge is only a rumor until it lives in the muscle.” What we understand and learn about rising strong is only rumor until we live it and integrate it through some form of creativity so that it becomes part of us.

6. Rising strong is the same process whether you’re navigating personal or professional struggles. I’ve spent equal time researching our personal and our professional lives, and while most of us would like to believe that we can have home and work versions of rising strong, we can’t. Whether you’re a young man dealing with heartbreak, a retired couple struggling with disappointment, or a manager trying to recover after a failed project, the practice is the same. We have no sterile business remedy for having fallen. We still need to dig into the grit of issues like resentment, grief, and forgiveness. As neuroscientist Antonio Damasio reminds us, humans are not either thinking machines or feeling machines, but rather feeling machines that think. Just because you’re standing in your office or your classroom or your studio doesn’t mean that you can take the emotion out of this process. You cannot. Remember those badasses I referenced in the introduction? One more thing they have in common is that they don’t try to avoid emotions—­they are feeling machines who think and engage with their own emotions and the emotions of the people they love, parent, and lead. The most transformative and resilient leaders that I've worked with over the course of my career had three things in common: First, they recognize the central role that relationships and story play in culture and strategy, and they stay curious about their own emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. Second, they understand and stay curious about how emotions, thoughts, and behaviors are connected in the people they lead, and how those factors affect relationships and perception. And, third, they have the ability and willingness to lean in to discomfort and vulnerability.

7. Comparative suffering is a function of fear and scarcity. Falling down, screwing up, and facing hurt often lead to bouts of second-­guessing our judgment, our self-­trust, and even our worthiness. I am enough can slowly turn into Am I really enough? If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past decade, it’s that fear and scarcity immediately trigger comparison, and even pain and hurt are not immune to being assessed and ranked. My husband died and that grief is worse than your grief over an empty nest. I’m not allowed to feel disappointed about being passed over for promotion when my friend just found out that his wife has cancer. You’re feeling shame for forgetting your son’s school play? Please—­that’s a first-­world problem; there are people dying of starvation every minute. The opposite of scarcity is not abundance; the opposite of scarcity is simply enough. Empathy is not finite, and compassion is not a pizza with eight slices. When you practice empathy and compassion with someone, there is not less of these qualities to go around. There’s more. Love is the last thing we need to ration in this world. The refugee in Syria doesn’t benefit more if you conserve your kindness only for her and withhold it from your neighbor who’s going through a divorce. Yes, perspective is critical. But I'm a firm believer that complaining is okay as long as we piss and moan with a little perspective. Hurt is hurt, and every time we honor our own struggle and the struggles of others by responding with empathy and compassion, the healing that results affects all of us.

8. You can’t engineer an emotional, vulnerable, and courageous process into an easy, one-­size-­fits-­all formula. In fact, I think attempting to sell people an easy fix for pain is the worst kind of snake oil. Rising Strong doesn’t offer a solution or a recipe or step-­by-­step guidance. It presents a theory—­grounded in data—­that explains the basic social process that men and women experience as they are working to rise after falling. It is a map meant to orient you to the most significant patterns and themes that emerged from the research. In my interviews with others and my own experiences, I’ve seen the process take twenty minutes, and I’ve seen it take twenty years. I’ve seen people get stuck, set up camp, and stay in one place for a decade. While the process does seem to follow a few patterns, it presents no formula or strictly linear approach. It’s a back-­and-­forth action—­an iterative and intuitive process that takes different shapes for different people. There is not always a relationship between effort and outcome in this process. You can’t game it or perfect it so it’s fast and easy. You have to feel your way through most of it. The contribution I hope to make is to put language around the process, to bring into our awareness some of the issues that we may need to grapple with if we want to rise strong, and to simply let people know that they’re not alone.

9. Courage is contagious. Rising strong changes not just you, but also the people around you. To bear witness to the human potential for transformation through vulnerability, courage, and tenacity can be either a clarion call for more daring or a painful mirror for those of us stuck in the aftermath of the fall, unwilling or unable to own our stories. Your experience can profoundly affect the people around you whether you’re aware of it or not. Franciscan friar Richard Rohr writes, “You know after any truly initiating experience that you are part of a much bigger whole. Life is not about you henceforward, but you are about life.”

10. Rising strong is a spiritual practice. Getting back on our feet does not require religion, theology, or doctrine. However, without exception, the concept of spirituality emerged from the data as a critical component of resilience and overcoming struggle. I crafted this definition of spirituality based on the data I’ve collected over the past decade: Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to one another by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and belonging. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning, and purpose to our lives. Some of us call that power greater than ourselves God. Some do not. Some people celebrate their spirituality in churches, synagogues, mosques, or other houses of worship, while others find divinity in solitude, through meditation, or in nature. For example, I come from a long line of folks who believe that fishing is church, and one of my closest friends believes that scuba diving is the holiest of experiences. As it turns out, our expressions of spirituality are as diverse as we are. When our intentions and actions are guided by spirituality—­our belief in our interconnectedness and love—­our everyday experiences can be spiritual practices. We can transform teaching, leading, and parenting into spiritual practices. Asking for and receiving help can also be spiritual practices. Storytelling and creating can be spiritual practices, because they cultivate awareness. While these activities can be spiritual practices, it appears that rising strong after falling must be a spiritual practice. Rising demands the foundational beliefs of connection and requires wrestling with perspective, meaning, and purpose. I recently came across this quote on Liz Gilbert's Instagram feed—and I think it sums this up perfectly: “Grace will take you places hustling can’t.”

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Two

Civilization Stops at the Waterline

I once made a map of my heart, and smack-­dab in the center of that map I drew Lake Travis. Nestled in the gorgeous Texas Hill Country, right on the western edge of Austin, the lake is a sixty-­five-­mile-­long reservoir of the Colorado River. It is a place of rocky banks, breathtaking cliffs, and mesquite trees, all surrounding cold turquoise water.

I spent every summer of my childhood at Lake Travis. It’s where I learned how to fish for perch and largemouth bass, run a catfish trotline, whittle, build tree houses, and set a proper table. My great-­aunt Lorenia and her husband, Uncle Joe, had a house in Volente. Back then the area around the lake was rural, home to country folk with trucks and fishing poles who didn’t consider themselves residents of Austin—­they just lived “at the lake.” Today the same area is considered a suburb of Austin and studded with mansions and gated neighborhoods.

Aunt Bea lived next door to Aunt Lorenia, and Ma and Pa Baldwin lived in the next house down with their daughter and son-­in-­law, Edna Earl and Walter. Edna Earl and Aunt Lorenia were best friends until they died. I spent hours running barefoot from house to house, screen doors slamming behind me. I’d play cards with Aunt Bea, then run back to Aunt Lorenia’s to bake a pie. I would collect rocks and catch fireflies with Ma and Pa. Edna Earl loved to listen to my knock-­knock jokes.

Aunt Lorenia was the local Avon lady. Helping her pack up the goods and “work her route” was the highlight of my summers. From the time I was in fourth grade, we’d jump in the pickup, her on the driver’s side and me in the passenger seat with my Red Ryder BB gun, the bags of cosmetics, perfumes, and creams piled between us. I was in charge of the lipstick samples—­a shiny vinyl box filled with what seemed like hundreds of tiny white tubes of lipstick in every imaginable color and formulation.

We’d travel down long gravel roads, then park at a customer’s metal gate. Aunt Lorenia would get out first to open the gate and check for wild animals and rattlesnakes. Once she’d made her assessment, she’d yell back, “Bring the lipstick. Leave the gun.” Or “Bring the lipstick. Grab the gun.” I’d slide down out of the truck, lipstick and sometimes Red Ryder in hand, and we’d walk up to the house.

After long mornings of delivering Avon, we’d make sandwiches, pack them up, and grab a handful of worms from the worm farm Uncle Joe had made in a converted 1930s Westinghouse Coca-­Cola ice chest in their backyard. With our lunch and bait, we’d head down to the dock to fish and float in inner tubes on the lake. I was never happier anywhere in my life than I was floating around on Lake Travis. I can still close my eyes and remember what it felt like to drift along in my tube, feeling the warm sun on my skin as I watched dragonflies skip along the water and kicked away perch nibbling at my toes.

The Big Door Prize

Lake Travis was magic for me—­the kind of magic you want to share with your own kids. So, when Steve and I were planning our 2012 summer vacation, we decided to rent a house about half an hour from Aunt Lorenia and Uncle Joe’s. We were excited because it was the first time we had blocked out such a long stretch for a vacation—­we’d be gone for two whole weeks. Lawless one-­week vacations are fine, but our family functions better with a few limits in place. So we decided for this vacation that we’d monitor technology with the kids, keep reasonable bedtimes, cook and eat relatively healthy meals, and work out as often as possible. Our siblings and parents were coming to spend time with us over the course of the vacation, so we put everyone on notice about the “healthy vacation” plans. Flurries of emails detailing meal planning and grocery lists ensued.

The rental house was tucked away along a deepwater cove on the lake and had a long stretch of stairs leading down to an old dock with a corrugated tin roof. Steve and I committed to swimming across the cove every day of our vacation. It was about five hundred yards each way. The day before we left, I went out and bought a new Speedo and replaced my goggles. It had been a long time since Steve and I had swum together. Twenty-­five years, to be exact. We met when we both were lifeguarding and coaching swimming. While I still swim every week, it’s more of a “toning” endeavor for me. Steve, on the other hand, was a competitive swimmer in high school, played club water polo in college, and is still a serious swimmer. I gauge the differences in our current abilities this way: He still does flip turns. I touch and go these days.

Early one morning, before any of our tribe was up, Steve and I headed down to the dock. My sisters and their families were visiting, so we felt comfortable leaving the kids up at the house. We dove in and started our trek across the cove. About halfway across, we both stopped to perform the basic open-­water swimming check for boats. As we treaded water and looked for lake traffic, our eyes met. I was overwhelmed by gratitude for the surrounding beauty and the gift of finding myself swimming in my magic lake with the guy I met in the water some twenty-­five years ago. Feeling the intense vulnerability that always accompanies deep joy for me, I let my sentiments roam free, tenderly telling Steve, “I’m so glad we decided to do this together. It’s beautiful out here.” Steve is so much better at putting himself out there that I prepared myself for an equally gushing response. Instead he flashed a noncommittal half smile and replied, “Yeah. Water’s good.” Then he started swimming again.

We were only about fifteen feet apart. Didn’t he hear me? I thought. Maybe he just heard something other than what I said. Maybe my unexpected touchy-feely-ness took him off guard, and he was so overwhelmed with love that he was rendered speechless? Whatever the case, it was weird and I didn’t like it. My emotional reaction was embarrassment, with shame rising.

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dinglefest
VINE VOICE
5.0 out of 5 stars
A bold call to fall, get up, and try again
July 12, 2015

This book definitely works as a standalone piece, but it's meant to build upon her prior works. As Brene shares in the first chapter, the progression of her works is that the first book, http://www.amazon.com/The-Gifts-Imperfection-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X, has the message "Be you," while the next one, http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1592408419/, is a call to "Be all in." This book? "Fall. Get up. Try again."

This isn't another book telling you it's okay with fail. No, the assumption is that you have failed or will do so in the not too distant future. What will you do when it's time to get back up? In the author's words, "my goal for this book is to slow down the falling and rising processes: to bring into our awareness all the choices that unfurl in front of us during those moments of discomfort and hurt, and to explore the consequences of those choices." In this book, she uses stories and research, but unlike previous books, many of the stories in this one are her own personal ones. That makes it feel a little less like a book and a little more like an encouraging yet tough-love conversation with a trusted friend or mentor.

Truth and Dare: An Introduction
This part of the book got me a little nervous, if I'm honest. It was here I realized that this book was all about drilling down deep into the most difficult and uncomfortable moments in our lives, getting honest, and holding ourselves accountable to move forward in the after. I wasn't sure I wanted in on all of that. It seemed hard and dirty and messy and, well, uncomfortable. For starters, she dives into the idea that failure is painful, poignantly pointing out that our celebration of redemption often skips over the real hurts that needed redemption in the first place. We're guilty of "gold-plating grit," she writes, as we make failure seem fashionable without acknowledging the inherent desperation, shame, and dismay. Then enters my favorite Brenéism from this book: "the [awesome] deficit." What we need - and lack - is "a critical mass of [awesome people] who are willing to dare, fall, feel their way through tough emotion, and rise again" instead of just glossing over the pain or stuffing it down deep or taking it out on other people. (The bracketed word above isn't what she wrote, but Amazon's review guidelines won't publish a review with the real word. It's bad plus a synonym for donkey.)

Chapter 1: The Physics of Vulnerability
Here, vulnerability is presented as courage rather than weakness. Just as I remember the laws of physics from high school, Brené offers a new twist: if we are brave enough often enough, we will fall. That's what the physics of vulnerability is. Being brave and falling changes us for the better, while the individual path can be isolating and the need to ask for help challenging. As she writes about our being wired for story, I couldn't help but think of two powerful books (both from a Christian perspective, FYI, in case that's not your thing): Nish Weiseth's http://www.amazon.com/Speak-Your-Story-Change-World/dp/0310338174/ and Annie Down's http://www.amazon.com/Lets-All-Be-Brave-Everything/dp/031033795X. The most powerful point from this chapter, though, is that comparative suffering is detrimental: hurt is hurt, and love is needed in response without ration.

Chapter 2: Civilization Stops at the Waterline
The title of this chapter comes from a Hunter S. Thompson quotes. But the waterline is also a call to a powerful story Brené uses to open this chapters, about her husband and a morning swim and a vulnerable conversation for both of them. Then she lays out a story-telling paradigm - borrowed from Pixar - to apply to our lives in how we deal with the conflict parts in our real-life stories. This is where the meat of the book emerges. The rising strong process is (1) the reckoning, as we walk into our story, (2) the rumble, as we own our story, and (3) the revolution as we transform how we live as a result of our story. That's how we can rise strong from our failures.

The next several chapters build on that process...

Chapter 3: Owning Our Stories
This is where Brene challenges us as readers to accept or turn down the invitation to own our stories, rather than minimizing, compartmentalizing, hiding, or editing them. Owning our stories also means we're not defined by them or denying them. They are ours. Then to do so, the three steps begin...

Chapter 4: The Reckoning
As we reckon our stories, Brené pushes readers to feel and recognize our emotions and then get curious enough about them to dig a little deeper. Doing so, she writes, keeps us from offloading our hurts in a variety of unproductive ways: lashing out our hurts, bouncing our hurts away as if they don't matter, numbing our hurts through one or more methods, stockpiling our hurts by keeping everything inside, or getting stuck in our hurt. In this chapter, she also offers amazing strategies for reckoning with emotion, and I know I'll botch them if I even attempt to summarize them.

Chapter 5: The Rumble
In this chapter, we reexamine our stories, diving deeper to mine for truths, including errors in our own first retelling of the failure tale.

Chapter 6: Sewer Rats and Scofflaws
This chapter takes the rumble a bit further with discussions of boundaries, integrity, and generosity.

Chapter 7: The Brave and the Brokenhearted
This chapter as a whole is too meaty to succinctly summarize in this review beyond the subtitle: "rumbling with expectations, disappointment, resentment, heartbreak, connection, grief, forgiveness, compassion, and empathy." On a personal note, my heart jumped and then sank and then fluttered when I got to this chapter. For reasons not relevant to this review, I'm finding myself to be the brave and brokenhearted this week, and it's hard. I saw the title and my heart jumped as I thought, This is the one for me, my current faceplant situation. Then I read the subtitle and my heart sank as I thought, But Brené isn't going to make this easy, because it isn't easy and I'm sure there aren't shortcuts, plus she's been telling me to feel and I don't really want to right now. Finally, my heart fluttered, knowing this was part of my rumbling. I needed to drive forward to rise strong.

Chapter 8: Easy Mark
This chapter continues to expand on the concept of the rumble - which makes sense, because Brené states in chapter 2 that the second day/stage/point is the most important in the process. In her reckoning-rumbling-revolution paradigm, then, it makes sense to dissect rumbling the most. This chapter's subtitle also describes much of the content: "rumbling with need, connection, judgment, self-worth, privilege, and asking for help."

Chapter 9: Composting Failure
In this chapter, Brené dives deeper once more into the rumble, this time with the subtitle: "rumbling with fear, shame, perfectionism, accountability, trust, failure, and regret."

Chapter 10: You Got To Dance With Them That Brung You
Yep, another dive deep chapter on rumbling, this time "rumbling with shame, identity, and nostalgia." This one had a lot of gut punch for me, and Brené - at the risk of looking like a brat - shared a vulnerable story that helped me get vulnerable with myself in return in much needed ways.

Chapter 11: The Revolution
The revolution is what comes after the rumbling. It's the act of rising strong, but it can't be done before all the prior work. Revolution is the act of intentionally choosing authenticity and worthiness as an act of resistance in this world. With this the last chapter, Brené closes it out with a poem by Nayyirah Waheed, ending with "we are rising strong."

This book is a bold call to fall, get up, and try again. May we all rise strong.
Read less
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AmazonCustomer
3.0 out of 5 star
I'm a Fan, But This Book Missed the MarkAugust 28, 2015
Format: Hardcover

I have loved Brene Brown's books but this one didn't resonate. Too many personal anecdotes and examples that didn't apply. I got tired of her "cussing" and while I appreciate that she's proud of being from Texas, a list of why she's a Texan didn't apply to this book. I felt it was something that would have worked better on her blog. Brown's other personal examples of people around her "making up" things, her hatred of some poor woman she had to room with at a conference, and her drawn out story about a vulnerable moment with her husband seemed like a stretch she used to try and illustrate a point. They fell short.

The same is true for the "from the research" stories she told. They were long, drawn out, and overly forced to fit into her point. This PAINS ME to say this, because I have loved just about everything else she's done or written. In fact, I'd probably give this two stars if it wasn't her. I appreciate this effort but it really seemed like she didn't have enough material to make this book a helpful, practical reference. If you're looking to really "rise strong" and start again I would recommend Daring Greatly instead.
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Kelly
2.0 out of 5 starsDisappointedJune 8, 2016
Format: Hardcover|Verified Purchase

I love Brene and was inspired to buy this after watching her Oprah interview about this. Pretty much everything I needed to know was in the interview. This book seems to just say the same thing over and over. It seemed like she tried to stretch out what could have been a blog topic into a book. There was no need for a book. Very hard to get into. Her other books are much better.
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Taylor Ellwood
VINE VOICE
5.0 out of 5 starsHow to reset and rise strongDecember 16, 2017
Format: Paperback|Verified Purchase

In Rising Strong, Brene Brown explores how to reset your life when you've experienced adversity. This book was very timely for me to read because of some tough experiences I've had n this last year. Reading through it gave me valuable techniques to draw on as I work through those experiences. It's helped me work through some tough emotions and behavior patterns and provided me a way forward. I'd highly recommend this book to anyone dealing with some life changing struggles, who needs some guidance on how to move forward, but also to anyone who wants to improve how they work through difficult situations.
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Kleinhaus
4.0 out of 5 stars
Brene Brown is one of my favorite authors. This is the third book I have ...January 20, 2018
Format: Paperback|Verified Purchase

Brene Brown is one of my favorite authors. This is the third book I have read by her. While I do recommend this book, it is very different from some of her others. I found that some of her other books I could pick up for 10 minutes a day, read a short bit, and pick it up again the next day. This book has longer stories in it, so I have to read an entire chapter in one sitting, which takes longer than the 10 minutes I have every morning before work. I still recommend it, but I like her other books better.
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K. Boddy
5.0 out of 5 stars
Great reading for anyone.September 25, 2015
Format: Kindle Edition|Verified Purchase

Everything about Brene Brown has pulled at me since I first heard her speak on TEDX HOUSTON. I have re-watched her 2 talks multiple times. I have read or listened on Audio most of her books. I took 2 e-courses that she offered and hope she will have one for this book too.
In this book she examines the issues that we all have and I assume, like me you will see yourself in the details. She gives us ideas that will help us deal with the tough moments in our lives. The arguments with your spouse or your children often cause us to ruminate and come up with the wrong reasons why we were having that argument.
I cannot recommend this book to any person willing to examine themselves and their actions. This book is helpful and full of great examples (stories.)
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A. Sun
5.0 out of 5 stars
Depth of SoulDecember 7, 2015
Format: Hardcover|Verified Purchase

Rarely does a book speak to me enough that I would feel compelled to write a review. This book speaks to me on such a deep level, I feel I must. The concept that grief is connected to forgiveness was the missing key for me in respect to some major hurts I've yet to be able to let go. After sobbing to the recognition, I was able to find the relief and understanding that had previously eluded me. Thank you, Dr. Brown!
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Brown. 3] Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging

Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone: Brené Brown: 9780812995848: Amazon.com: Books

Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone: Brené Brown

#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A timely and important new book that challenges everything we think we know about cultivating true belonging in our communities, organizations, and culture, from the #1 bestselling author of Rising Strong, Daring Greatly, and The Gifts of Imperfection

HELLO SUNSHINE BOOK CLUB PICK

“True belonging doesn’t require us to change who we are. It requires us to be who we are.” Social scientist Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, has sparked a global conversation about the experiences that bring meaning to our lives—experiences of courage, vulnerability, love, belonging, shame, and empathy. In Braving the Wilderness, Brown redefines what it means to truly belong in an age of increased polarization. With her trademark mix of research, storytelling, and honesty, Brown will again change the cultural conversation while mapping a clear path to true belonging.

Brown argues that we’re experiencing a spiritual crisis of disconnection, and introduces four practices of true belonging that challenge everything we believe about ourselves and each other. She writes, “True belonging requires us to believe in and belong to ourselves so fully that we can find sacredness both in being a part of something and in standing alone when necessary. But in a culture that’s rife with perfectionism and pleasing, and with the erosion of civility, it’s easy to stay quiet, hide in our ideological bunkers, or fit in rather than show up as our true selves and brave the wilderness of uncertainty and criticism. But true belonging is not something we negotiate or accomplish with others; it’s a daily practice that demands integrity and authenticity. It’s a personal commitment that we carry in our hearts.” Brown offers us the clarity and courage we need to find our way back to ourselves and to each other. And that path cuts right through the wilderness. Brown writes, “The wilderness is an untamed, unpredictable place of solitude and searching. It is a place as dangerous as it is breathtaking, a place as sought after as it is feared. But it turns out to be the place of true belonging, and it’s the bravest and most sacred place you will ever stand.”

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Editorial Reviews

Review


Praise for Brené Brown’s Rising Strong

“[Brown’s] research and work have given us a new vocabulary, a way to talk with each other about the ideas and feelings and fears we’ve all had but haven’t quite known how to articulate. . . . [She] empowers us each to be a little more courageous.”—The Huffington Post

“It is inevitable—we will fall. We will fail. We will not know how to react or what to do. No matter how or when it happens, we will all have a choice—do we get up or not? Thankfully, Brené Brown is there with an outstretched arm to help us up.”—Simon Sinek, author of Start with Why and Leaders Eat Last

“With a fresh perspective that marries research and humor, Brown offers compassion while delivering thought-provoking ideas about relationships—with others and with oneself.”—Publishers Weekly
About the Author


Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW, is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation–Brené Brown Endowed Chair at the Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past sixteen years studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy and is the author of three #1 New York Times bestsellers: The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, and Rising Strong. Her TED talk—“The Power of Vulnerability”—is one of the top five most-viewed TED talks in the world, with more than thirty million views. Brown lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband, Steve, and their children, Ellen and Charlie.See all Editorial Reviews


Product details

Hardcover: 208 pages
Publisher: Random House; F First Edition edition (September 12, 2017)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0812995848




More about the author
› Visit Amazon's Brené Brown Page

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Biography
Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation – Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work.

She has spent the past sixteen years studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy and is the author of four #1 New York Times bestsellers – The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, and Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and The Courage to Stand Alone.

Brené’s TED talk – The Power of Vulnerability – is one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world with over 30 million views.

In addition to her research and writing, Brené is the Founder and CEO of BRAVE LEADERS INC – an organization that brings evidence-based courage building programs to teams, leaders, and organizations.

Brené lives in Houston, Texas with her husband, Steve, and their children, Ellen and Charlie.

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5.0 out of 5 starsA clumsy review, from someone who didn't expect this book to matter...
ByGingerbreadTOP 100 REVIEWERon September 12, 2017

I've been staring at the computer screen for about 10 minutes now, trying to start this review, and having no idea how to do so. I just can't make the words come out, and writing the review terrifies me, and makes me feel a little ill. You see, I didn't buy, or read this book because I know the author or her work. I did both because the content sounded interesting, and because I needed my next big review. Yes, I read this book so I could review it, which is where the ill part enters. I started working toward being an Amazon Top 1000 reviewer about a year ago. Not because I really cared about the rank...it was just a goal. Something intangible I could work toward. And I chose it, because sad though it is, my reviews on Amazon and Goodreads are the last place in this entire world where I am willing to communicate, in any capacity, with other human beings. They're all I have left.

I live a sad life. I have no friends and I'm lonely... So lonely that as I type this I feel like crying, even though I accepted this as my reality a long time ago. I cancelled facebook two years ago. I lost my last real friend three years ago. I struggle to call and make appointments because it requires talking to strangers, and for this reason I also can't go to the grocery store, or the gas station, or any other list of a hundred places that normal people go to have normal lives.

You see, I decided five years ago that I was done with fitting in, and that I'd rather be lonely and alone, than to continue immersing myself in a world I found caustic.

Everywhere I looked people seemed to be shouting, trying to make their voices heard. The most recent clever story on facebook. The most wittily stated opinion. I didn't see kindness, I saw intolerance and rudeness. I saw people ripping each other down through the medium of social media because they didn't have to look that person in the face, and see how their comments hurt them. Then I watched as that attitude seemed to make people less tolerant in the real world as well. I wanted no part of it anymore. From that point on I was standing alone, and that was that. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but as the years have passed, I've cut myself so far off from humanity that it feels like I'm the only person left in my world. It hurts, SO much, but I don't know how to undo it. I don't know how to go back.

At least...I didn't. I know this review is already too long, and all I've done is clumsily muddle my way through it—attempting to express something I don't even know if others will understand. This is frustrating for me, because I don't want to talk about myself, and doing so is terrifying, particularly after so many years of silence. But I didn't know how else to express the impact this book had on me, without first talking about how much pain I've been in, and how nefarious my reasons for reading it in the first place. I got the "standing alone" part down pat. I did that years ago. The part I couldn't find, that maybe I'd never have found on my own, is the part where I know how to belong to something again. Join the world. Feel a connection to life and humanity.

I cried just about the entire duration of this book. I got it because it sounded "interesting", but I feel like it opened up a hole in the side of my sad little world. I didn't think it would apply to me, but it's changed my life. I expected to write an honest, clinical review discussing its contents from a dispassionate point of view. But instead, here I am, still clumsily attempting to convey my feelings in the hopes that some part of this review might encourage even one other person to read this book.

Everyone should read this book. Everyone who wants to stand alone, but still belong. Everyone who already is alone, and wants to be a part of something again. Everyone who is tired of a humanity that is separated. Give it a shot. If nothing else, get the sample chapters, and see if there's something in it that might speak to you.

And if my review is clumsy, I sincerely apologize. Please don't let that turn you off from the book. It changed my life, and I think it can do as much for many.

EDIT: It's been 6 months since I wrote this review, and when I said this book changed my life, it did. Oh, how it did! I got into therapy. I've made some friends who share my interests, and even many of my anxieties. I no longer feel lonely or threatened. If anyone out there struggles as I did, please know that help is available, and change is possible. All it takes is one moment that changes all other moments. For me, that was this book! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for all of you who have supported me, and supported each other. Humanity is far more wonderful than I once believed! <3
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5.0 out of 5 stars
Brene Brown's Best Book So Far--For Every Reader
ByO. Merce BrownVINE VOICEHALL OF FAMETOP 500 REVIEWERon September 13, 2017

*****
Like all of Brene Brown's books, this one is life-transforming. I would recommend that everyone--everyone--read each book of hers, in order, and this one last, as it is the culmination of all of the other books. But even better, buy this book, read it, go back and read the others and then read this again! This is the best of all of her books, as well as a prescription for being alive now, of being a citizen, a human being, a kind and caring and loving person--now--at this time in history. It is about how to be brave, kind, and good--no matter what your faith or lack of faith--and of dealing with the fractionalization of our country and of moving towards a re-humanizing (as opposed to dehumanizing) of our communities and families and other relationships, of transforming conflict in brave and true ways.

The book's theme is "true belonging", which the author defines as: "...the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn't require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are." This might sound a bit unusual, but the book unfolds this idea in beautiful ways that truly will appeal to every reader--no matter what your ideology (including religious and political), no matter what your race, gender, or background.

Read this book; I cannot convey in a review how much it has the potential to change your life for the better. I read it yesterday and today in two sittings and am going back again and again to the writing, the ideas, and the inspiration to me to life more authentically and to be able to connect with others in deeper and braver ways.

Highly recommended.
*****
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5.0 out of 5 stars
I've only listened to the first chapter of the book ...
ByRonnieTexason September 12, 2017

I've only listened to the first chapter of the book so far and I've been in tears three times. This book has already opened my heart and squeezed it hard. I can't wait to listen to the rest - my dog is going to be getting some long walks.
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5.0 out of 5 stars
Handbook for Honest Living
Bysisterjessieon September 12, 2017

You only need to read this book if you are a human.
This is the book that I needed now.
I needed to be reminded that respect begins with respect to myself.
I belong to me.
This is the lesson that I want to teach my children.
The only way to teach is by example.
Thank you, Brene.
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5.0 out of 5 stars
This helps me feel that I can do this.
ByC. Burtonon September 21, 2017

This is a powerful book. I can't begin to approach the words of a particular reviewer who really gets to the heart of the book but I can say I have been searching for information like this most of my life. On numerous occasions, in youth, young adulthood, and on, I have found myself in the wilderness and turned to unhealthy solaces. As with physical pain, the best way to heal from emotional pain is to move through it. Therapy can help point out the problems but this book actually talks about the challenging but effective ways to handle them. She's said this over and over again: It isn't easy but it's so worthwhile.
To the reviewers who feel she's repeating herself, I say that like any good teacher, she's going into greater depth. This is Authenticity 405 instead of 101. Her political comments aren't aimed at any one party but at the position of "US versus THEM". I know some people who would refer to this information as pious or psychobabble or any number of dismissing adjectives but people love this because it's profound and people hate it because it's hard. I think I can do this. Thank you, Brene Brown.
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5.0 out of 5 stars
LOVE!
ByD. Spenceron September 13, 2017

Brene Brown speaks truth to the heart. Truly, this book is a gift to the world especially now with the divisive rhetoric and fear mongering in our political arena. For all people, of all ages, of all beliefs and all affiliations. This book, living its wisdom, can change the world one person at a time.
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4.0 out of 5 stars
Learn to Love YOU & Loving Others is Much Easier!
BySteven Woloszyk
on October 13, 2017

Brené Brown has written three NY Times bestsellers. She also has one of the five most viewed TED talks with over 30 million views called “The Power of Vulnerability.”

This book is about our yearning to belong and how having the courage to be ourselves, being authentic, and having the courage to stand alone can help us accomplish a sense of belonging. This sounds like quite a paradox, but Brené brings clarity to this conundrum by the end of the book.

BRAVING is an acronym that Brené introduced in an earlier book called Rising Strong. It is about trusting others and self-trust. She calls this her wilderness checklist. Gaining this trust is about:

• Boundaries. This is making sure that we’re clear on respecting boundaries, and when in doubt, we ask.

• Reliability. We do what what we say we are going to do.

• Accountability. We own our mistakes, apologize, and make things right.

• Vault. Simply keeping things in confidence and sharing only the things that are ours to share.

• Integrity. Practicing our values and always doing what is right even if it’s uncomfortable.

• Non-judgment. We can differ in opinions and still respect each other.

• Generosity. We extend the most generous interpretation possible to the intentions, words, and actions of others.

Our world is so polarized today. We tend to look at each other’s differences. We separate ourselves with regards to politics, religion, social class, etc., and tend to gravitate towards those who think the same as us. Our differences are magnified more so today than at any other time in our history.

Brené gives us four elements to help with the reality of today’s world. They are:

1 - People Are Hard to Hate Close Up. Move In.
2 - Speak Truth to BS. Be Civil.
3 - Hold Hands. With Strangers.
4 - Strong Back. Soft Front. Wild Heart.

This book helps us understand that our imperfections, uniqueness, our fears, etc., are what make us who we are. Brené says that once we embrace our humanness, our shortcomings, and we love ourselves for who we are, will we find our sence of belonging.

This book was published September 12th, 2017 and already has 176 reviews on Amazon giving it a 4.6 rating. Goodreads gives it 4.32 stars after 2,433 ratings and 366 reviews. The timing of this book couldn’t be more apropos with the divisiveness of our world today. I definitely recommend this one and I give it 4 stars.

#FridaysFind #MIAGD #BrenéBrown #BRAVING #BravingTheWilderness #Authenticity #BeYou
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5.0 out of 5 stars
Read it only if you are human! (not for perfect, know-it-all people)
BySabinaon October 23, 2017

Being a fan of Brene Brown’s previous books, I expected this one to be good. I definitely did not expect it to hit home so hard.

Multiple times when reading this book I had to put it down, close my eyes and reflect.

Although written in an easy to read way, this was not an easy read. It was not easy because with everything that is happening in the US and worldwide, with the mess on both national and international political scene, the hate people give to one another, I also got pulled into taking sides. It is so easy to disagree with anyone whose opinion differs from our own. It is so easy to become obsessed with the political drama and point fingers at the ‘bad guys’. This book changed me.

"The goal is to get to the place where we can think, I am aware of what’s happening, the part I play, and how I can make it better, and that doesn't mean I have to deny the joy in my life."

Braving the Wilderness is an eye opener.

"Today we are edging closer and closer to a world where political and ideological discourse has become an exercise in dehumanization. And social media are the primary platforms for our dehumanizing behavior. On Twitter and Facebook we can rapidly push the people with whom we disagree into the dangerous territory of moral exclusion, with little to no accountability, and often in complete anonymity."

Brene touches upon all the topics that divide our society, if not the world: 2016 US election, the disrespect between Republicans and Democrats, all possible aspects of racism, gun laws, the way social media and anonymity makes it easy to express hateful opinions. But this is not a book about Democrats, Republicans, Whites or Blacks. This is a book about people – human beings coming together, coexist peacefully and get along.
It challenges everything we think we know about belonging, not only on the personal level, but also much broader spectrum – the country, our communities, and our cultures.

Brene focuses on basic rules, which may not speak to you when you look at them briefly, but make so much sense when you open your mind and think about them deeply.

"People are hard to hate close up. Move in."

"Speak truth to BS. Be Civil."

"Hold hands. With strangers."

"Strong back. Soft front. Wild heart."

Recommended read for everyone!
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5.0 out of 5 stars
Her best book yet
ByRomyon September 14, 2017

If you are seeking true connection and the feeling you belong because of who you uniquely are, read this book. "If I get to be me, I belong. If I have to be like you, I fit in."
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1.0 out of 5 stars
this is perfect. With someone dealing with MDD
ByMegan L.on December 16, 2017

If you’re a white suburban mom just getting into self help, this is perfect. With someone dealing with MDD, ADHD, anxiety, and PTSD this book gave me like 2 skills I can use while the remaining pages talked about the author’s privledged life experiences in an attempt to relate to the reader. While I appreciate the attempt, I would also like a more comparable experience to feeling out of place than when she met Oprah, maybe try a more relatable touch that isn’t something most of us can’t experience. Overall, I felt that this book was inaccurate in representing the Average Person with a Mental Illness and their struggles with how someone with four other businesses would spend writing a book. Effort was nice, but most self help books written by successful white women do marginally better than others. Not well written, scattered stories and thoughts to try and fit the subject, and experiences that made me feel unaccomplished in my struggles. I’m looking for actual in addition to my therapy and medication in self help nonfiction, not how you overcame feeling alone meeting your favorite, and incredibly famous, poet that only a small percentage get to experience. 1/5


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0 out of 5 stars
this is perfect. With someone dealing with MDD
ByMegan L.on December 16, 2017

If you’re a white suburban mom just getting into self help, this is perfect. With someone dealing with MDD, ADHD, anxiety, and PTSD this book gave me like 2 skills I can use while the remaining pages talked about the author’s privledged life experiences in an attempt to relate to the reader. While I appreciate the attempt, I would also like a more comparable experience to feeling out of place than when she met Oprah, maybe try a more relatable touch that isn’t something most of us can’t experience. Overall, I felt that this book was inaccurate in representing the Average Person with a Mental Illness and their struggles with how someone with four other businesses would spend writing a book. Effort was nice, but most self help books written by successful white women do marginally better than others. Not well written, scattered stories and thoughts to try and fit the subject, and experiences that made me feel unaccomplished in my struggles. I’m looking for actual in addition to my therapy and medication in self help nonfiction, not how you overcame feeling alone meeting your favorite, and incredibly famous, poet that only a small percentage get to experience. 1/5
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Showing 1 comments
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I'm wondering if you have read any of the following:
Brain Maker by David Perlmutter MD, board certified neurologist and Fellow of the American Academy of Nutrition.
The UltraMind Solution by Mark Hyman, MD, director of the Center for Functional Medicine at the Cleveland Clinic.
The Mind-Gut Connection by Emeran Mayer, MD, PhD, head of psychiatry and microbiome research at UCLA.
A Mind of Your Own by Kelly Brogan MD, board certified psychiatrist and integrative holistic medicine.
(Note - Dr. Brogan's book is only for those who already know that mental health care has for the most part been monopolized by a medical system that puts profits first. If you don't already know this, you may be offended by her blunt honesty about this.)
All of the above books are excellent and enlightening, but none are stand-alones. It may be helpful to read more than one. The Emeran Mayer book may not be very helpful to you, but I included it since he's at UCLA making him the most mainstream one who thinks out of the box. I think you would get more useful information from the other 3 books.
I wish you the best.
Leave a reply

Brown.The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are


5.0 out of 5 stars

Recent break-up, divorce, etc.? Make this your very first read!
ByAndrew M. Roy Jr.on June 24, 2015

Let me begin by stating where I was coming from, when I picked this book up. I've spent 11 years in the Army and done quite a few combat deployments. Moreover, I had recently been dumped in my 'perfect' engagement by my fiancee who had been cheating on me with a male coworker. So, this 'emotional' genre of reading isn't usually my thing and my sense of worthiness was very injured. I initially avoided this book out of concern that it was one of many under-evidenced self-help titles.

Changing my mind on reading this was undoubtedly one of the best decisions I have ever made and I am a much better person for it. I don't guarantee very much, due to my skeptical nature; but, I think I can guarantee that something in this book will profoundly change you. Perhaps this was done by Dr. Brown's approach of confronting the 'things that stand in our way' of leading a 'wholehearted life'. This is important because thoughtful people need to confront these things in order to overcome them and develop not just a positive mindset; but, a *realistic* one that doesn't ignore the potentially negative cognitions that arise.

Some of my PROs and CONs follow. But, allow me to be clear: if you have just been dumped, divorced, or experienced a break-up, then I think this is a great book for you. Some other titles like to do half-baked analysis of what happened between you two. Some of those books are like your own, highly-biased pep talker ("she was all wrong for you", "you're better off, now", etc.). While well-meaning, this can weaken you going forward. They sacrifice truth and accuracy for 'feel-good' support.

Much has already been said about this book, so I've avoided a super thorough review.

PROs
-well-organized content. topics overlap somewhat (of course), but they are introduced in the form of very manageable daily 'guideposts'.
-content is qualitative research-based. I think this is the right approach, since qualitative research is well-suited to derive meaning from the experiences of people.
-writing style is down-to-earth, clear, and very humorous at times.
-the book is relatively inexpensive.
-the approach of tackling 'obstacles' of thinking that prevent wholehearted living.
-realistic expectations of the results of reading this book.
-comprehensive treatment of the elements of wholehearted living.
-the persuasiveness of pretty much every guidepost.

CONs
-for the uninitiated (read: myself), I thought that guidepost 8 wasn't as clear in defining the concept of stillness.
-umm.. I'll have to get back to you on this one.

I would like to conclude with a few things that convince me that something in this book has made profound changes. First, I grew-up with a very domineering father and reading this book has made me truly comfortable with him for the first time in my life. Second, I NEVER danced at a bar without having some 'liquid courage' to prime me. After reading, I danced several songs (badly, of course ;-) ) and truly enjoyed myself. Third, because of my balding, etc. I always felt a little too self-conscious to dare flirting with some very beautiful ladies that I've met. Not any more.

These are just a few thoughts, but I hope that they speak to someone out there.

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3.0 out of 5 stars
Skip this and read DARING GREATLY
ByKStaron March 14, 2016
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I read "Daring Greatly" about 6 months ago after watching Dr. Brown's TED talks and that book honest to goodness changed my life. I was excited to read this one, particularly because I found her discussion of perfectionism so helpful in Daring Greatly. I have to admit that as much as I still admire Brene Brown, I found this to be a watered down version of Daring Greatly and I kind of regret buying it (I don't regret READING it, but I do regret paying for it, and I don't feel that this improves my library).

I found this was a little shallow and abstract, whereas Daring Greatly so eloquently and articulately put words to ideas we understand intuitively, and it really enhanced my emotional vocabulary. This book offered little in that respect. Some of it (shame vs guilt, for example) was redundant of Daring Greatly (and other texts for that matter) and her discussion of ideas like intuition, spirituality, and numbing were vague and unhelpful to me. She was mostly quoting other people's definitions and discussion of these topics, and while some the quotes were thought-provoking, I didn't feel that it really enlightened me.

Her examples were also not as compelling in this text. It was mostly about her, and while some of the examples were useful and memorable, I came away feeling like she was painting a picture of her family rather than focusing on her research and data. Daring Greatly, on the other hand, was written in such an empathetic and compassionate way that I kept saying, "YES! That's me! She understands!" or "Wow! That's totally my brother-in-law!" It was like one light bulb after another going off. Reading Daring Greatly was so inspiring and healing. This book didn't have that same level of empathy and was missing that universal quality, focusing instead on examples that were auto-biographical. Some other reviewers said this read like a blog, and I have to agree. By the end of this book I didn't feel UNDERSTOOD like I did after reading Daring Greatly. I honestly felt that as I read Daring Greatly, Brene Brown was like looking inside me and having a conversation with me, even though she doesn't even know me. After reading The Gifts of Imperfection, however, I felt that I understood more about her and less about myself.

There was also something a little kitschy about this. She had a section after each chapter called DIG deep where she listed ways that she tries to employ these strategies, and she often said "Amen" at the end of some quotes. While cute, it lacked the maturity and empathy of Daring Greatly.

She was also a little judgmental in this book (towards others and towards herself) and I could ironically see her striving for perfectionism (like in order to be perfect she needs to become "wholehearted," so she is actively working to employ these strategies rather than actually embodying them). It is almost like by the time she got to Daring Greatly she was fully reborn and had reached that full enlightenment, and she was still working on getting there in this text.

Additionally, unlike Daring Greatly, this reads a little bit like a checklist (see comment above) of things you should do: 1. don't be a perfectionist 2. Get creative 3. Rest and play 4. But don't numb 5. Dance like no one is watching you 6. practice self-compassion 7. Have faith. By the end I felt like I was being told what to do to be happy, as if it was a formula. While some of the advice was certainly helpful, it wasn't inspiring in the same way Daring Greatly was. Daring Greatly got at the heart of one's emotions. It talked about courage, authenticity, compassion (true ideals) and it showed how there is extraordinary in the ordinary. The Gifts of Imperfection seemed to get sidetracked by specifics (dancing, jewelry making, her childhood house in New Orleans) and it never reached that universality that was so healing in Daring Greatly.

Lastly, this book was highly referential. As I said earlier, she quotes a lot of other people to get at defining abstract terms. She also references the work of many other psychologists, researchers, etc. For example, Kristin Neff and Marci Alboher. It isn't that I didn't appreciated her references, but this felt blog-like again: "Hey I read this and I LOVED this idea, check it out!" Or "this quote inspires me! Let me share." In contrast, it felt like Brene Brown had found her own voice in Daring Greatly, and no longer needed to continually reference others' work and could just share her research and the conclusions she reached from it.

All in all, while The Gifts of Imperfection was a nice book that offered a little refresher of Brown's understanding of "wholehearted living" with some ideas about intuition and faith, creativity, and song and dance, it was not as sophisticated or inspiring as her latest book Daring Greatly, which really felt like a true culmination of her research and experiences. I'd skip this one; or at least just borrow it from the library...
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5.0 out of 5 starsThis book has changed my life.
ByLindsay Bakeron August 14, 2011
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I've been through 6 therapists, I've struggled with depression for nearly twenty years, never could finish anything I started, and everyone always assumed I had ADHD. Not until therapist number five did someone point out to me that ADHD is often mistaken for anxiety and he was sure that was my problem. Boy was he right. Sadly, he was terrible at treating, so I found a new therapist who encouraged me to embrace the bad days and bad times and she pointed me to Brene Brown's TED talk on vulnerability. It really spoke to me, so I thought it would be a good idea to read her book. I just looked at the screen for a full minute trying to figure out how to put into words how much this book has helped me and I just can't find them. All those years I thought I had ADHD, I was just afraid of what people would think. I would pick up a new hobby hoping it would be the one that I could stick with and foster, only to give up on it. Never was the problem an attention deficiency, it was a courage deficiency. The author talks a lot about how making a major change in your life isn't something you wake up and do one day, it's something you practice every single day. And most will struggle with it, but without the struggle, we lose out on so much. I will have far fewer regrets on my deathbed having read this book. If you read these Ms. Brown, THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart.
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5.0 out of 5 starsThis book is awesome.
ByBrian Johnsonon December 1, 2016
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“Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.

Wholehearted living is not a onetime choice. It is a process. In fact, I believe it’s the journey of a lifetime. My goal is to bring awareness and clarity to the constellation of choices that lead to Wholeheartedness and to share what I’ve learned from many, many people who have dedicated themselves to living and loving with their whole hearts.

Before embarking on any journey, including this one, it’s important to talk about what we need to bring along. What does it take to live and love from a place of worthiness? How do we embrace imperfection? How do we cultivate what we need and let go of the things that are holding us back? The answers to all of these questions are courage, compassion, and connection—the tools we need to work our way through our journey.”

~ Brené Brown from The Gifts of Imperfection

Reading Brené Brown’s books makes you feel safe.

Well, actually, they make you feel a little freaked out (laughing) as you look into some areas you may not like to look—like vulnerability and shame—but, ultimately, they make you feel more of the three qualities she advocates (and models) so powerfully: courage, compassion, and connection. And, in the process, like you’ve come home to yourself.

And that’s awesome. :)

Her work as a shame and vulnerability researcher led her to discover people who had figured out the keys to shame resilience and what she calls Wholehearted living. (Think: half-hearted kindasorta going thru the motions vs. WHOLEhearted, all-in joyful living!)
This book walks us through the ten “guideposts” of Wholehearted living in. It’s a quick-reading, fun, inspiring and wise little book that I highly recommend.

Let’s explore some of the Big Ideas:

1. Dos and Don’ts - Of Wholehearted living.
2. Guideposts - Ten of them.
3. Practicing - Is where it’s at.
4. Ordinary Courage - Requires vulnerability.
5. A Deep Sense of Love - And belonging is required.

Here’s to doing the little things (diligently, patiently, persistently and playfully) as we cultivate courage, compassion, and connection that help us live Wholeheartedly and put our soul in a wonderfully good mood!

More goodness— including PhilosophersNotes on 300+ books in our ​*OPTIMIZE*​ membership program. Find out more at brianjohnson . me.
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5.0 out of 5 starsAmazing book, amazing author
ByEmma Con June 20, 2016
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My goodness, this book is challenging! However, I am a huge fan of Brene Brown, so I am reading all of her books even if the truth she speaks is the last thing I want to hear. This book has really helped me to examine my intentions behind my actions and then revise my thinking to be more whole-hearted. I have learned a lot about my own disordered thoughts and behaviors, where they might stem from, and what to do about them. I now find myself recognizing destructive cycles and breaking the thought chain before it can spiral out of control. That has drastically improved my life and my relationships. This book has been a tremendous blessing in disguise as I venture out into life on my own post-college.
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4.0 out of 5 starsThe first "How I Helped Myself Book" I've ever read.
ByYoyoMitchon December 3, 2014
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Review of: The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brené Brown,;; Hazelden, Center City, Minnesota 55012, © 2010 by Brené Brown, 138 pages. [Nov. ‘14]

“Self-Help” books are endemic. Most of us want to improve some part of our life on an ongoing basis thus “How To” books abound – “Lose Weight Easily,” “Change Your Life in 30 Days,” “How Better Friends in Can Make You Rich!” – titles that intrigue and hook into our hope that “it will be better, then!” Rarely does a book come from an outlook of “this is how I changed my life, maybe it will be of help to you,” yet that is the style and tone offered by Dr. Brown in this well researched (she is a professional researcher), concise book whose writing is more prose than technical. The book deserves to be read slowly enough so the practical suggestions can take root beyond the, “Oh, that’s interesting!” phase, but could easily be read through in a weekend.
Dr. Brown is clear in her writing that people and things only change when the work is done to make those changes. The “Sub-Sub-Title of the book is “Your Guide To a Wholehearted Life” and is the result of her having experienced a “Breakdown Spiritual Awakening” (her description) in 2007. She defines Wholeheartedness “is as much about embracing our tenderness and vulnerability as it is about developing knowledge and claiming power.” (p.xi). Because she choose to grasp this time period as moment of awakening rather than a time of grief, she frames the “steps” to living Wholeheartedly as “Guideposts,” framing the tasks more as a guided journey than a “Fix It Fast” guarantee.
None of the Guideposts are surprising and each is discussed in a chatty manner that feels more akin to having a talk with a trusted other than it does the results of a professional researcher, which is a good move if the author desires to have her results actually read. This does not diminish the data she presents, especially when she uses her personal experience when relating said findings. The Guideposts are (emphases are mine):

#1 – Cultivating Authenticity: Letting Go of What People Think (so
much for holding to my Co-Dependency!”)
#2 – Cultivating Self-Compassion: Letting Go of Perfectionism (I
don’t have to be right all the time?!?!)
#3 – Cultivating a Resilient Spirit: Letting Go of Numbing and
Powerlessness (feeling deeply is part of LIVING)
#4 – Cultivating Gratitude and Joy: Letting Go of Scarcity and Fear of
the Dark (what I have is sufficient)
#5 – Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith: Letting Go of the Need
for Certainty
#6 – Cultivating Creativity: Letting Go of Comparison (Being “me” is
a good thing.)
#7 – Cultivating Play and Rest: Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status
Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth (WHEW! Thank
goodness!)
#8 – Cultivating Calm and Stillness: Letting Go of Anxiety as a
Lifestyle (If people did this, I’d be out of work.)
#9 – Cultivating Meaningful Work: Letting Go of Self-Doubt
“Supposed To”
#10 – Cultivating Laughter, Song and Dance: Letting Go of Being Cool
and “Always in Control”

Each chapter ends with a DIG (Deliberate, Inspired, Going) reflection. This is a time to actually consider what was just read, consider what needs to be done if one is to incorporate that step into one’s life and create a plan to practice that choice regularly.
I found this book to be helpful and encouraging. The author offers no guarantees of how changes will occur only that these “guideposts” made, and continue to make, a difference in her life.
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5.0 out of 5 starsWonderful and Beautiful
ByW. Goodwinon January 20, 2018
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Mrs. Brown is truly a story teller. I woke up at 2 am not feeling well from a cold, but emotionally is where I felt the worst. A few days of passing and I had enough of this feeling of self doubt. I may have quit if it was just pure research, but her countless stories of her own struggles were so easy to identify with. I'm just thankful I'm sick so my roommates couldn't hear a grown man's sniffling. I'm really kidding, I don't actually mind telling people I cry. Just thought it would be funny to include a piece on shame.

For years I've used healing others in order to prove my own worth. I've dated purely in a way that I must help and heal them in order to feel my own place as worthwhile in the relationship. It doesn't allow me to get close because I'm lacking in authenticity and vulnerability. I may have felt that I was showing these people their worth, but really I wasn't showing them love. The part on faith will be hard for me I've always loved certainty and with emotional distant parents I've always held expectations of people leaving me. This book laid bare my struggles and I thank Brene Brown and my wonderful therapist for making it easy to unpack all of this in a digestible manner. Perhaps I'll finally get passed my compassion fatigue and truly love. One day at a time.
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5.0 out of 5 starsYOU ARE WORTHY
ByLynn G.Top Contributor: Babieson September 22, 2017
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The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to be and Embrace Who You Are is an excellent book. You are enough. This New York Times best selling author and professor has written a very powerful and inspiring book. She really connects well with the reader emotionally. She expresses her opinion and her own personal experiences. This author does not lecture and tell the reader nor instruct what the reader should do. Goes beyond the common way of looking at things to bring the "ah-Ha" moments one can really relate to. The main messages are let go of insecurity, guilt, shame, discomfort and expectations.
“Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.”

“When I let go of trying to be everything to everyone, I had much more time, attention, love, and connection for the important people in my life.”

“To love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life that doesn’t come with guarantees – these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain. But, I’m learning that recognizing and leaning into the discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude and grace.”

HINT if you have not seen her TED talk on vulnerability you should do so. GREAT read and we HIGHLY RECOMMEND it even though it is somewhat repetitive and not too well organized..
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5.0 out of 5 starsI'm definitely re-reading
ByC.J. Darlingtonon November 13, 2017
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This is one of those books that can stand multiple readings. I finished it in a week and immediately decided I needed to read it again. The thing I love about Brene's writing (and her talks) is that she takes all these dysfunctional aspects of people and rather than labeling and making us feel like we're screwed up, she equates it to being human and gives practical ways to embrace the vulnerabilities, which in turn leads to healing and wholeheartedness. It's not about quick fixes or even "fixing" at all. It's about the heart and how we approach life from a different perspective. I'm definitely re-reading this one.
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5.0 out of 5 starsStop pretending and perfecting, and start embracing who you are
ByJacob Kimon June 7, 2017
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Brene Brown is someone who can put the most fundamental human needs into words that really come to life and make sense and get people to talk about them and put them into practice. I have grown up in a generally healthy social and family life. I have been to college, grown up in a strong religious background and community, my parents being missionaries, and I think I have more or less been happy. Still, her words have shaken me up and helped me to realize what really matters, and what was keeping me from being me and embracing the life and freedom that God has created me to be. In addition, I have come to embrace others in the same way.

Her work has helped me to put pieces together that I think I have known in my head to some degree, but did not know how it fits together and make sense in my life and in the world.

This book can be seen as a foundational book among three of her books (including Daring Greatly, and Rising Strong). I highly recommend reading these.