Cultivating Skillful Means
Lesson
8
| Cultivating Skillful Means | 2 of 11 |
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Patience — the antidote to anger
As the Dalai Lama points out frequently, the most destructive of the afflictive emotions is anger, or more generally the powerful negative thoughts and emotions that surface when we experience trouble or potential harm. The counter force to these afflictive emotions is a quality expressed in Tibetan as so pa. Although the ideas it conveys are universal, there is no single equivalent in English. While translated most frequently as patience, so pa literally means "able to bear" or "able to withstand."
The first step in ethical practice is to check our response to negative thoughts and emotions as they arise. The next step what we do after applying the brakes—is to counter that provocation with patience. 
Forbearance
So pa contains the idea of resolution, suggesting a deliberate response to negative emotions, not our ordinary emotional reactions. It suggests facing adversity and challenges with forbearance, with strength and courage, and with composure.
How do the lessons of dependent origination (Lesson 3) apply to the quality of patience? |
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When we are able to accept the unfathomable web of interrelated causes and conditions underlying every act and every situation, we can more easily acknowledge the difficulties, challenges and sacrifices needed in pursuit of a higher, spiritual aim.
How might patience support nonviolence? |
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So pa enables us not only to refrain from physical reactions when we are provoked, but also to let go of our negative thoughts and emotions. We cannot speak of so pa when we give in to someone yet we do so grudgingly or resentfully. The essence of so pa is resolute forbearance in the face of adversity.
Reflect on how easily in adversity you focus on how you are being injured or are the victim of injustice. |
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When we can use patient forbearance to respond to difficulties rather than the usual afflictive emotions, we are less likely to surrender to the urge to feel victimized or injured, and are thus less likely to strike out and cause harm.
Passive resignation?
Does the Dalai Lama's description of forbearance mean it is not appropriate to respond to others with strong measures? Or that we must simply accept what others do? Or that we should never act at all when we meet with harm. Is impatience always negative? |
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Of course, in discussing the concept of patience, as in most other things, there can be positive and negative kinds of patience. Impatience isn't always bad. For instance, it can help you take action to get things done. Even in your daily chores, like cleaning your room, if you have too much patience, you might move too slowly and get little done. Or, impatience to gain world peace--that certainly can be positive.
The Dalai Lama distinguishes between patience and passivity. While acknowledging that there are circumstances that demand strong responses, verbal and active, we must consciously act from the place of so pa. But since it safeguards our inner composure, so pa means we are in a stronger position to judge an appropriately non-violent response than if we are overwhelmed by negative thoughts and emotions.
Does advocating patience imply that people are not responsible for their actions? |
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The question of blame is not only pointless but damaging, as it generates further suffering. Better to wisely see that those acting harmfully are operating from ignorance and in the process harming themselves, their peace of mind, their inner balance. Better then for us to have compassion for the harm they cause themselves than worry about the harm they may cause us.
Does patient forbearance mean we should not do everything we can to solve our problems whenever they can be solved? |
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Patience with wisdom
With inner composure we are able to discern which problems can be solved and which we should accept.
What problem in your life that brings up afflictive emotions might best be accepted rather than fought? |
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In the West, a common example is old age, which we are far better off acknowledging the reality of than agonizing over.
Patient forbearance, then, is the quality which enables us to prevent negative thoughts and emotions from taking hold of us. It safeguards our peace of mind in the face of adversity and provides us with the strength to resist suffering and protects us from losing compassion even for those who would harm us. Through practicing patience in this way, our conduct is rendered ethically wholesome.
