Transcript
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Simon and Schuster audio presents The Road Less Traveled and Beyond
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spiritual growth in an Age of Anxiety ridden and read by M Scott Peck MD
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[Music]
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I am 60 years of age that statistic means different things
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for different people for me since I am not in the best of
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health and feel I've lived enough for three lifetimes it means that it is time
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I should start getting my Affairs in order as they say
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it seems proper for me these days to be about the business of tying up the Loose
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Ends of my life insofar as it is in my power to do so
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I write this book in that endeavor I wrote The Road Less Traveled at the
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vigorous age of 40. it was as if a spigot had been opened and other books
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have come pouring out ever since people have asked me what I hope to
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achieve by a particular book as if I generally had a grand strategy in mind
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the truth is I wrote them not out of strategy but simply because each book
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has said write me however hard it might be to defy there
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is such a thing as a muse and I have always and only operated
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under its orders all of my books are quite different from one another yet all of them have
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explored questions of epistemology epistemology is that branch of
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philosophy which addresses the question how do we know what we think we know how
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do we know anything a major theme of my work is the
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encouragement of the greatest possible range of thought in our search for
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answers and as I have come to realize all my Works whether for adults or children
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whether focused upon the individual or Society whether fiction or non-fiction
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may be looked upon in part as elaborations of one or more of the key
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Concepts in The Road Less Traveled as elaborations they carry those
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Concepts further they look deeper they go beyond
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this book is entitled The Road Less Traveled and Beyond because it ties
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together many of the ways over the past 20 years that I was pushed often
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stumbling to move beyond my first book in both my public writing and my
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personal Journey some may consider The Road Less Traveled
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and Beyond a compilation a compendium or a summary of all my published work
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but those words are inadequate synthesis would be a more adequate
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description but still fails to capture the beyondness of this work
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for in addition to tying up loose ends I wanted to break new ground as well
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I've been powerfully assisted in doing so by a quote attributed to Justice
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Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr who once said I don't give a fig for the Simplicity on
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this side of complexity but I would die for the Simplicity on
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the other side his profound sentiment has led me to
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organize this work into three sections
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part one is called Crusade against simplistic
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in it I decry the Primitive and effortless simplistic thinking that lies
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at the root of so much individual and societal sickness
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in part two wrestling with reality I describe the complex choices we must
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continually make and remake if we are to live well
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and in part three the other side of complexity
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I describe where we can arrive when we have been willing to pay all our proper
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intellectual and emotional dues although the phrase the other side rings
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with possible intimations of Heaven I am not so bold as to suggest that we can
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reach a heaven on Earth this side of the grave what I do suggest however is that we can
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indeed come to exist in a closer relationship to the holy
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and that on the other side of complexity there is a kind of Simplicity where we
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can know with humility that in the end all things point to God
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foreign
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[Music] [Applause]
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[Music]
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part one Crusade against simplistic
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in Ireland the Middle East Somalia Sri Lanka and countless other war-torn areas
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around the world Prejudice religious intolerance greed and fear have erupted
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into violence that has taken the lives of Millions America the damage caused by
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institutionalized racism is perhaps more subtle but no less devastating to the
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social fabric Rich versus poor black versus white
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pro-life versus pro-choice straight versus gay all our social political and economic
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conflicts fought under the banner of some ideology or deeply held belief
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but given the divisive and destructive results are these ideologies and beliefs
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rational or mere rationalizations for otherwise unreasonable Acts
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how often in fact do we stop to think about what we believe
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one of the major dilemmas we Face both as individuals and as a society is
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simplistic thinking or the failure to think it all it isn't just a problem it is the
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problem if we don't begin to think well it's highly likely that we may end up killing
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ourselves although I believe the route to finding answers is primarily through better
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thinking even this is not as simple as it may seem thinking is difficult
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thinking is complex and thinking is more than anything else a process with a
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course or Direction a lapse of time and a series of steps or stages that lead to
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some result to think well is a laborious often painstaking process until one becomes
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accustomed to being thoughtful an all too common flaw is that most
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people tend to believe they somehow instinctively know how to think and communicate
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in reality they do neither well either because they are too self-satisfied to
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examine their assumptions about thinking or too self-absorbed to invest the time
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and energy to do so as a result it is impossible to tell why
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they think as they do or how they make their decisions and when challenged they show very
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little awareness or become easily frustrated about the Dynamics involved
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in truly thinking and communicating well from my practice as a psychiatrist and
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my experiences and observations in general I have become familiar with the
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common errors related to the failure to think well one of course is simply not thinking
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another is making assumptions in thinking through the use of one-dimensional logic stereotypes and
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labeling another problem is the belief that thinking and communication don't require
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much effort another is assuming that thinking is a waste of time which is a particular
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factor in the quiet rage we experience around the failure to solve many social
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problems everywhere we turn the evidence is
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astounding simplistic thinking has become pandemic in society
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unfortunately various institutions in their failure to teach or demonstrate
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how to think well set people up for thinking simplistically
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typically this failure is found among the most influential institutions of
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society including more often than not the family the church and the mass media
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these institutions often unwittingly promote half truths sometimes even
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blatant lies under the guise of cultural ideas that we've taken for granted to be
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normal on the basis of cultural norms we usually assume that if everyone is
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thinking this or doing that it must be normal and correct
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there are positive Norms of course such as those that promote the work ethic and
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encourage civility in our interactions with each other but the negative Norms are the ones that
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create cultural chaos and they are the ones we must rethink
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frequently they are dressed up and made to look and sound pretty but when you go
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beneath the surface you'll find they are negative precisely because they
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discourage our growth they are based on half truths and
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outright lies that serve to manipulate and Hold Us hostage psychologically and
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spiritually the biggest lie promoted by some of our
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social institutions is that we're here to be happy all the time
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for motives of profit the lies of materialism and advertising suggests
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that if we're not happy comfortable and fulfilled we must be eating the wrong
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cereal or driving the wrong car or that we must not have it right with God
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how Wicked the truth is that our finest moments
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more often than not occur precisely when we are uncomfortable when we're not
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feeling happy or fulfilled when we're struggling and searching
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in this bombardment of one-dimensional thinking we're told and clear but subtle
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ways about what is expected of us in order to fit into society
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if we want to be seen as normal we are simply expected to go along with the
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lies our laziness our natural idolatry of
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ease and comfort makes us co-conspirators with the mass media
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media images are ripe with rigid Concepts about our Humanity
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the negative Norm in our advertising directly or indirectly suggests that
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women are primarily sexual objects who lose their value as they age
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the valuable male in our advertising is the one who makes money
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in part because of the simplistic inherent in sexist thinking many a man
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deems his work outside the home as exponentially more important than his
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wife's homemaking skills in order to boost his self-image despite the
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tensions it creates to uphold his flawed assumptions rather than update their Vision both men
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and women in our society engage in simplistic thinking in order to conform
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to negative norms we have an obligation to confront our
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simplistic thinking about what being normal should mean
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to use critical thinking doesn't mean that everyone must become a walking encyclopedia
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but we have an obligation to study learn and think about those things that are of
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high importance one of the most crucial skills of
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critical thinking is that of deciding what is essential to think or learn
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about and what is non-essential and we must acknowledge the gaps in our
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own knowledge rather than let Pride fear or laziness lure us into taking the role
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of the know-it-all to assume we know everything and
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particularly something we don't really know as the old saying goes is to make
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an ass out of you and me there are people who assume their way of
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thinking whether it's about a woman's right to abortion or about prayer in
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schools has to be always right despite any evidence to the contrary
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they can't won't consider alternatives
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some of the most common and often destructive assumptions are based on stereotypes about ourselves and other
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people stereotyping typically involves labeling and categorizing people and things in a
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simple-minded manner many make judgments about others on the basis of labels such as associating
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liberals with bleeding hearts and conservatives with the righteously rigid
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racial and ethnic labels are ripe with misleading assumptions about the
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characters of individuals who are identified with these groups there is a common assumption among many
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that anyone who openly calls himself a Christian must be a Fundamentalist
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or that anyone who calls himself agnostic must not be spiritually mature
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we need to use labels to size up some things
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there are times when we must make temporary decisions until we have more
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information or experience about a situation or person but for the most part we tend to label
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for the wrong reasons when we use labeling to make assumptions
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and unjustly discriminate against others or to make excuses for ourselves we
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infer broader qualities about a person or a situation without the information
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necessary to support our conclusions sometimes the consequences can be
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destructive not only to others but to ourselves
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when I was in Psychiatry training schizophrenia was labeled as a thinking
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disorder or a thought disorder since that time I have come to believe
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that all psychiatric disorders are thinking disorders
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individuals at the extremes of mental illness such as those with some forms of
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schizophrenia are clearly the victims of disordered thinking and may be so far
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out of touch with reality that they cannot function well in day-to-day
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activities yet we have all met narcissists obsessive compulsives and passive
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dependent people in our social and work lives their mental health may be fragile but
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they manage to appear normal and get by the fact however is that they too are
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disordered thinkers narcissists cannot think about other
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people obsessive compulsives cannot think about the big picture
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passive dependent people cannot think for themselves
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in every psychiatric condition I have worked with over the years there was
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some disorder of thinking involved most people who go into therapy are
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suffering from either a Neurosis or a character disorder
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among the general population who never go to see a psychotherapist these
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conditions are equally prominent and are again the result of disordered thinking
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both are at root illusions of responsibility and as such they are
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opposite styles of thinking and relating to the world and the problems in life
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the neurotic person is under the illusion that she is responsible for
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everyone or everything and as a result often assumes too much responsibility
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when neurotics are in conflict with the world they tend to automatically assume
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that they are at fault the person with the character disorder
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on the other hand operates under the illusion that he shouldn't have to be responsible for himself or anyone else
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thus he's not likely to take on enough responsibility
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let me point out that all of us have to live with some illusions
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they are what psychologists call Healthy illusions that help support us during
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periods of transition in life and give us hope
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take the illusion of romantic love people wouldn't get married without it
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the illusion that raising children is going to be more fun than pain is
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healthy too otherwise we wouldn't have children Illusions are not totally bad unless we
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hold on to them far too long and beyond their usefulness
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the problem comes when our Illusions consistently interfere with growth
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for example the 16 year old who becomes obsessive in her thinking about her
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eating habits and appearance May react as if she is never thin enough or good
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enough to measure up to the other girls in her school in taking this illusion to an extreme
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she may starve herself and become anorectic or she may outgrow this neurotic dilemma
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by the time she reaches her twenties and become more confident and self-assured
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so a mild Neurosis or slight character disorder need not be viewed as a
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lifetime disposition on the other hand are persistent
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neuroses and character disorders are crippling if not dealt with
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Carl Jung wrote Neurosis is always a substitute for
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legitimate suffering but the substitute can become more painful than the legitimate suffering it
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was designed to avoid as I wrote In The Road Less Traveled
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true to form many will then attempt to avoid this pain and this problem in turn
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building layer upon layer of neurosis fortunately however some possess the
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courage to face their neuroses and begin usually with the help of psychotherapy
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to learn how to experience legitimate suffering in any case when we avoid the legitimate
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suffering that results from dealing with problems we also avoid the growth that
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problems demand from us when I was in training it was
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fashionable to decry intellectual insight the only thing that was considered
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important was emotional insight as if intellectual understanding was worthless
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this was simplistic thinking while I agree that ultimately there has
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to be emotional Insight most of the time you can't even begin to understand the
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emotional aspects of an individual case until you have attained intellectual
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insight let us take the Oedipus complex for example
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an adult with an unresolved Oedipus complex cannot be healed unless he first
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intellectually knows what an Oedipus complex is if he can be healed at all
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to become healthy adults we first must resolve the edible dilemma of giving up
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our sexual feelings for our parents if it's a boy the father is seen as the
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competition for the mother's attention if it's a girl the desire for the father
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is a sexual or love object means competing with the mother it's crucial that as people become
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adults they come to terms with not being able to possess the parent in the way
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that they have fantasized a woman who moved from Florida to
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Connecticut to see me for therapy was a case in point she was an early fan of The Road Less
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Traveled and she had the money to make such a move in hindsight I should have discouraged
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her from packing up and moving so far because there are always local therapists available
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it was one of several mistakes I made in this case and her healing was incomplete
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given the difficulties I encountered with her in therapy the furthest we got
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in penetrating the real issue was the day when she first heard herself clearly
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utter her hidden motives for coming to me for therapy after leaving a session this particular
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day she sat in her car sobbing and shaking at the steering wheel
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well maybe when I get over my Oedipus complex she said then Dr Peck will marry
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me I had become the Father Figure in her life a replacement for the father she
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could not have later she said to me maybe you're right
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maybe I do have an Oedipus Complex but we wouldn't have gotten even that
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far had I not first intellectually explain to her what an Oedipus complex
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was to give up something represents making a change but many people are unwilling to
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make the changes that will heal them that is the sort of price they pay for a
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thinking disorder given our almost addictive Reliance on
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assumptions and the illusions that coexist with them we often miscommunicate with others creating
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great chaos the failure to question our assumption leads to failures in really hearing what
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is being communicated to us we remain oblivious to the basics of
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good communication many people think that listening is a
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passive interaction it is just the reverse listening well is
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an active exercise of our attention and by necessity hard work
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when we extend ourselves by attempting to listen and communicate well we take
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an extra step or walk an extra mile we do so in opposition to the inertia of
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laziness or the resistance of fear which always requires hard work
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listening well requires total concentration upon another and is a
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manifestation of love in broadest sense of the word an essential part of listening well is
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the discipline of bracketing the temporary giving up or setting aside of
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your own prejudices frames of reference and Desires in order to experience as
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far as possible another's World from the inside stepping inside his or her shoes
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this unification of speaker and listener is actually an extension an enlargement
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of ourselves and new knowledge is always gained from
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it moreover since listening well involves bracketing it also temporarily involves
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a total acceptance of the other sensing this acceptance the speaker will
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feel less and less vulnerable and more and more inclined to open up the inner
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recesses of his or her mind to The Listener as this happens speaker and listener
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begin to understand each other more and more most of the time we lack this energy
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even though we may feel in our business dealings or social relationships that we
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are listening well what we are usually doing is listening selectively
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often we have a preset agenda in mind and wonder as we listen how we can
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achieve certain desired results to get the conversation over with as quickly as
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possible or redirected in ways more satisfactory to us
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many of us are far more interested in talking than in listening
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or we simply refuse to listen to what we don't want to hear
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I have found that knowing that one is being truly listened to is frequently in
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and of itself remarkably therapeutic it should go without saying that you
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can't truly communicate well if you don't listen well and you are unable to listen well unless
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you are thinking well there is a sharp distinction between disordered versus clear thinking yet
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there is a rule in Psychiatry that there is no such thing as a bad thought or
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feeling it is a useful rule in certain ways in other ways it is itself simplistic
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we can make ethical judgments only about actions if someone thinks about hitting you and
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then proceeds to bash you over the head with a lamp that is bad
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to just think about doing it isn't it is the distinction between private
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thought and public action the latter involves externalizing our
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thoughts by acting on them so we arrive at a paradox regarding
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freedom and thinking on the one hand we are free to think
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anything to be healed we have to be free to be ourselves
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but that doesn't mean we are free to impose our thoughts on others or engage
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in destructive actions without consequences thus with the freedom to think and feel
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comes the responsibility to discipline our thoughts and feelings
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I Champion a proposal by a friend of mine who wants to underscore these
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points in a symbolic way he believes we should erect a statue of
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responsibility on the west coast to bring balance to the Statue of Liberty
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that stands on the East Coast indeed we cannot separate freedom from
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responsibility with the freedom that we have to think for ourselves ultimately we must hold
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ourselves accountable for how and what we think and whether we are using our
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capacity for thinking to get the most out of life
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along with the belief most people have that they naturally know how to think is
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an underlying correlating assumption that thinking doesn't require much effort or time
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while we are fortunate to live in a society that allows the efficient use of
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our time in everyday living such as being able to pick up dry cleaning and a
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meal along the same route on our way home we have come to expect results to
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be as quick as service at a fast food restaurant we are encouraged to use our time
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efficiently but we seldom take the time to think efficiently
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as a result many people show little interest in contemplation
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they wouldn't think of going on a long automobile trip without consulting a map
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and deciding which route to take but in their psychosocial spiritual
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journey through life they rarely stop to think about why they're going where
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they're going where they really want to go or how best to plot out and
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facilitate the journey in this simplistic approach we often
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Overlook various aspects of Our Lives that are desperate for attention until
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they become full-blown crises or we dismiss new ideas that could
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further our growth simply because they do not fit in within the general framework of our preconceived notions
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and self-concepts an enormous amount of time is spent
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simply reacting we must acknowledge that thinking well is a time-consuming process
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we cannot expect instant results I consider one of my identities to be
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that of an efficiency expert both as a psychiatrist and as a writer I
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have worked to help people live their lives more efficiently not necessarily
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to be happy or comfortable all the time but rather to learn as much as possible
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in any given situation and get the most out of life
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when you are efficient you can accomplish more things in a shorter time
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span in thinking efficiently you learn how to prioritize what's important in order to
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face life's difficulties head on rather than pretend they are inconsequential
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efficiency necessarily includes discipline being disciplined involves an ability to
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delay gratification as well as a willingness to consider alternatives
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on the other hand thinking simplistically leads you to make undisciplined knee-jerk responses rather
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than considering choices that would lead to wise and productive decisions
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to think well demands the integration of multiple dimensions in order to see the
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whole picture it is the essence of thinking with integrity
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the word integrity comes from the noun integer which means whole entire
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complete to think and ultimately to act with Integrity we have to integrate the
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multiple reasons and dimensions of our incredibly complex world
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we psychiatrists have a verb for the opposite of integrate to compartmentalize
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it means to take things that are properly related and stick them in separate airtight compartments in our
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minds where they don't have to rub up against each other and cause us any stress or pain friction or tension
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if you want to think with integrity and you are willing to Bear the pain involved you will inevitably encounter
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paradox the prefix para is Greek meaning by the
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side of past Beyond doxa means opinion
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thus the Paradox refers to a statement contrary to Common belief or one that
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seems contradictory unbelievable or absurd but may actually be true in fact
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if a concept is paradoxical that itself should suggest that its facts of
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integrity and has the Ring Of Truth conversely if a concept is not in the
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least paradoxical you may suspect that it has failed to integrate some aspect
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of the whole the ethic of rugged individualism is an
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example many fall prey to this illusion because they do not or will not think with
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integrity for the reality is that we do not exist either by or for ourselves
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if I think with any integrity at all I have to recognize that my life is
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nurtured by the entire fabric of family society and creation
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I am not solely an individual I am interdependent and much of the time
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I do not even have the right to act ruggedly
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to understand Paradox ultimately means being able to grasp two contradictory
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Concepts in one's mind without going crazy as a psychiatrist I do not use the word
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crazy in a flippant way it can actually make people crazy when
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something they have taken for granted to be true and the only truth comes into
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question it is certainly a skill of mental acrobatics to juggle opposing ideas in
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one's mind without automatically negating or rejecting the reality of one
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or the other but even when the greatest impulse is to
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deny something that one finds hard to digest such as the fact that evil
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coexists with good in our world the ability to understand Paradox is
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necessary in the process of sorting through Illusions half truths and
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outright lies it is unquestionable that certain
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changes are needed in society to encourage better thinking but at the
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same time each individual is responsible for his or her own thinking and how to
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meet this challenge ultimately if we can teach people to
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think well we could heal most of the ills of individuals and most of the ills
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of society
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the point of thinking well is to become more conscious which in turn is a
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prerequisite for solving problems well but what is consciousness
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and why is it the point Consciousness is among many other things
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including Love Prayer Beauty and community that are too large complex and
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mysterious to submit to any single adequate definition
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that there is no single adequate definition of Consciousness is not surprising
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for the most part we can Define only those things that are smaller than we
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are I believe that all those things too large for a single simplistic definition
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including Consciousness ultimately have something to do with God
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that is why for example the Muslims have a Prohibition against any image of God
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since it could not capture or Define God but would only represent a tiny segment
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of the whole and hence would be in a sense a desecration
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Consciousness has no specific sight in the brain nonetheless insofar as it can be
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regionalized it is more localized in our frontal lobes than anyplace else
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tumors of our frontal lobes will often first manifest themselves by a
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diminished awareness and alertness and hence a diminished capacity to solve
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complex problems Sciences of anthropology in neuroanatomy
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strongly suggest that the direction of all evolution is toward the development
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of the frontal lobes and hence the development of consciousness
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but the Bible in mythology also have much to teach about the evolution of
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human consciousness the great myth of Genesis 3 one of the
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most complicated and multi-dimensional myths about our Humanity provides us
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with another major hint in it God forbade Adam and Eve to eat of
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the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil instead they gave into
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temptation urged by a fallen angel we are told
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in their Disobedience they hid from God when God asked why they were hiding they
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explained it was because they were naked who told you you were naked God asked
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and the secret was out in other words the first result of
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eating of the tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil is that Adam and Eve became shy or modest because they were
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now self-conscious they were aware that they were naked
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from this we can extrapolate that the emotions of guilt and shame are
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manifestations of consciousness and although both emotions can be
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exaggerated to the point of pathology within limits they are an essential part
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of our humanity and necessary for our psychological development and
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functioning so Genesis 3 is a myth of evolution
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and specifically of human evolution into consciousness
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like other myths it is an embodiment of Truth
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when we humans became self-conscious we became conscious of ourselves as
42:06
separate entities we lost that sense of Oneness with
42:12
nature and the rest of creation this loss is symbolized by our
42:18
banishment from Paradise and inevitably as Adam and Eve developed a higher level
42:24
of self-awareness they arrived at a realization that consequences follow
42:30
action and that their choices would be forever burdensome by virtue of the
42:36
responsibility entail all of humanity has inherited this
42:42
predicament we have all been thrust into the desert of maturity
42:50
thus there is a far more profound implication of our Evolution into Consciousness than just guilt or shame
42:58
it is when we are conscious that we have free will more than anything else I believe what
43:06
is meant by God creating Us in his own image is that through the evolutionary
43:11
process he gave us free will there is no free will when we are
43:17
operating at a purely reflexive or instinctual level
43:23
as soon as God our evolution gave us free will he immediately let
43:29
loose the potential for human evil in the world there is no choice there is no evil if
43:37
one is to have free will then one must have the power to choose between Good
43:43
and Evil and one is as free to choose the evil as
43:48
the good so it strikes me as no accident that the
43:53
very next thing that happened in the story was an example of evil in Genesis 4 Cain murders Abel
44:03
was it nothing more than a matter of free will that he chose to do so
44:08
when God asked Cain where Abel was he replied with a question
44:13
am I My Brother's Keeper we can recognize this as a gross
44:20
rationalization representing defensive thinking it is extremely shallow almost reflexive
44:27
thinking this gives us a hint that Cain murdered Abel because he chose not to think more
44:34
deeply with free will we have the choice to think or to not think
44:41
or to think deeply or to think shallowly
44:47
but why would someone choose not to think deeply why would someone choose to think only
44:54
simplistically superficially and reflexively the answer is that despite our
45:02
Consciousness what we have in common with other creatures is a preference to
45:07
avoid pain to think deeply is often more painful
45:12
than thinking shallowing the pain involved may not make
45:19
Consciousness seem worthwhile or good until you consider some of the prices we
45:24
pay for failing to grow in Consciousness or to think with integrity
45:30
there is much evil in the world unnecessary individual suffering
45:36
tremendous damage to human relations and societal chaos
45:41
due to our failures to Think and Grow in consciousness
45:47
while important distinctions are to be made between evil and Insanity illness
45:53
and sin I wrote in people of the lie that to name something correctly gives
45:59
us a certain amount of power over it I believe that evil can be defined as a
46:06
specific form of mental illness and should be subject to at least the same
46:12
intensity of scientific
46:38
foreign
46:49
to explain the unknown there is widespread denial of this in
46:55
our country many downplay or hesitate to see evil for what it truly is
47:02
in part because they don't want to appear to be acting arrogant or holier
47:07
than thou indeed it is quite common to read newspaper articles that describe Those
47:13
who commit a range of human atrocities as simply
47:19
as a psychiatrist I believe the word sick is more appropriately applied to
47:25
those who are afflicted with something for which treatment or a cure is possible and also desired
47:33
although evil people are operating from a sick perspective the difference is
47:39
that many of those who are sick deal with their venom internally turning it
47:44
painfully upon themselves if they choose not to seek help those who are evil go another way
47:53
they fail to suffer because they lash out at others and use
47:58
them as scapegoats it is the people around them who must suffer
48:05
of course an evil deed does not an evil person make
48:11
otherwise we would all be designated as evil because we all do evil things
48:18
but I believe it would be a mistake to think of sin or evil as simply a matter
48:23
of degree sinning is most broadly defined as missing the mark
48:30
which means we sin every time we fail to hit the bullseye
48:36
sin is nothing less than a failure to be continually perfect
48:41
and because it is impossible for us to be continually perfect we are all
48:47
sinners Carl Jung ascribed the root of human
48:52
evil to what he called the refusal to meet the shadow
48:58
by the shadow young meant the part of our mind that contains those things that
49:04
we would rather not own up to that we are continually trying to hide
49:09
from ourselves and others and sweep under the rug of our consciousness
49:17
those who are evil refuse to Bear the pain of guilt or to allow the shadow
49:23
into Consciousness and meet it instead they will set about often at
49:31
great effort militantly trying to destroy the evidence of their sin or anyone who
49:38
speaks of it or represents it and in this act of Destruction their
49:44
evil is committed traditional Freudian psychology has
49:50
taught us that the causes of most psychological disorders stem from hidden
49:55
feelings feelings of anger unacknowledged sexual desire
50:01
Etc because of this psychological illness has been localized in the unconscious
50:08
Realm by most thinkers as if the unconscious were the seat of
50:13
psychopathology and symptoms were like Subterranean demons that surfaced to torment the
50:20
individual my own view is the opposite
50:26
I believe that all psychological disorders are basically disorders of
50:31
consciousness they are not rooted in the unconscious but in a conscious mind that refuses to
50:40
think and is unwilling to deal with certain issues bear certain feelings or
50:46
tolerate pain these issues feelings or desires are in
50:52
the unconscious only because a pain avoiding conscious mind has thrust them
51:00
there of course no one walking around is so
51:06
unhealthy that he is not at least slightly conscious and no one is so healthy that she is
51:12
totally conscious but perhaps the best measure of the degree of Consciousness can be found in
51:20
the consistency of a person's General approach to thinking for example a person who is oriented
51:28
more toward thinking simplistically has a lesser degree of Consciousness than a
51:33
person who thinks with integrity in this way thinking and Consciousness
51:38
are inextricably locked together in a parallel relationship
51:45
and the search for greater Consciousness is the foundation of mental and
51:50
spiritual growth it is through this growth that we become ever more competent
51:58
although we can pinpoint various capabilities and talents that allow us
52:03
to meet the demands of life or to develop a deafness in problem-solving
52:09
skills General competence is a much more complex capability
52:16
true competence is more about growing in wisdom than mere knowledge
52:22
it entails striving toward a psychological and spiritual maturity
52:27
that results in real personal power one way of talking about this
52:34
progression of awareness or Consciousness is in terms of what is known as ego development
52:41
in a world waiting to be born I wrote that the ego is the governing part of
52:47
our personality and its development in early childhood the ego is totally
52:54
down at the level of the emotions and totally enmeshed with them
52:59
when children are joyful they are one hundred percent joyful
53:04
when they are sad they are 100 percent sad sometimes to the point of being
53:10
inconsolable the capacity for self-awareness very
53:16
gradually increases throughout childhood in adolescence however it undergoes a
53:23
dramatic growth spurt for the first time young people have a
53:28
quite obvious observing ego now they can observe themselves being
53:34
joyful or sad or angry when they are feeling so this means that the ego is no longer
53:42
wholly confined to the level of the emotions now a part of it the observing ego is
53:49
detached from the emotions above them looking on there is a certain resulting loss of
53:57
spontaneity since self-consciousness often becomes
54:02
painful at this stage of Psychosocial Spiritual Development many people move
54:09
into adulthood forsaking rather than continuing its development
54:15
when unwittingly the majority settle for a limited even diminished awareness of
54:22
their own feelings and Imperfections they have stopped short on the Journey of personal growth
54:28
thereby failing to fulfill their human potential or grow into true
54:35
psychospiritual power but a fortunate minority for reasons
54:41
both mysterious and graceful continue the journey ever strengthening their
54:48
observing egos rather than allowing them to atrophy
54:53
exercising the observing ego is crucial because if it becomes strong enough the
54:59
individual is then in a position where she can proceed to the next stage and
55:05
develop what I call a Transcendent ego with a Transcendent ego we become more
55:13
aware of our broader Dimensions better prepared to realistically decide when
55:20
where and why to express the essence of Who We Are
55:25
in becoming more conscious of the full range of our thoughts and feelings we
55:30
inevitably become less threatened by the knowledge of our flaws and can more
55:36
readily integrate and appreciate the whole of who we are the good and the bad
55:43
yet once again in the interest of reality we must remember that all
55:49
blessings are potential curses and that both Consciousness and competence are
55:55
inextricably interwoven with pain in the price of greatness Arnold Ludwig
56:03
examined the lives of 1004 eminent figures of the 20th century who
56:10
represented various disciplines including artists writers inventors and
56:16
other creative individuals in exploring the relationship between
56:21
genius and mental health Ludwig wrote that among the common elements of the
56:27
great Geniuses of our times all showed a Readiness to discard prevalent views
56:34
irreverence toward established Authority a strong capacity for Solitude and a
56:42
psychological unease which could cause mental trouble such as depression
56:48
anxiety or alcoholism but if these qualities were not too
56:54
incapacitating they actually contributed to the individual's ability to achieve
57:00
significant creativity Blaze new trails propose radical Solutions and promote
57:07
new schools of thought one aspect of the pain of being gifted
57:14
and highly conscious has to do with the struggle to come to terms with one's
57:19
superiority as I wrote in a world waiting to be born many who are truly Superior will
57:27
struggle against their genius call to personal and civil power because they
57:33
reject the calling from fear of exercising Authority usually they are reluctant to consider
57:41
themselves better than or above others do in large part to a sense of humility
57:48
that accompanies their personal and spiritual power
57:53
yet another painful burden that comes with increased Consciousness and competence is the loneliness of
58:00
transcending traditional culture throughout the ages there have been only
58:06
a few among Millions a Socrates or a Jesus who have obviously
58:12
risen above the rigidity of culture and simplistic thinking of their times
58:20
now as a result of mass communications
58:25
Psychotherapy and Grace I would estimate that there are many thousands of adults
58:31
in our country who are on this Cutting Edge but deep thinkers are often
58:39
misunderstood by the masses who continue to view life and the world
58:44
simplistically since many who are conscious do not readily buy into the go along to get
58:52
along mentality that is prevalent in society they find it hard to fit neatly
58:58
into the mainstream they pay a price of feeling at least partially alienated from families and
59:06
isolated from old friends and cultural rituals
59:11
there is still another pain of Consciousness so great and so important that it warrants even deeper
59:18
consideration I refer to our consciousness of death and die
59:25
in our death denying and youth worshiping culture we go to Great
59:30
Lengths to avoid facing even the smallest reminders of death
59:35
the path of health and healing is the opposite from that of the denial of
59:40
death whether young or old a deep consciousness of death ultimately leads
59:47
us on a path towards seeking meaning inherent in this is that we must come to
59:54
terms with the reality of change which requires adjustments all the time in the
1:00:01
way we think and behave and particularly when we have become the
1:00:06
most comfortable with Where We Are and change often feels like dying like
1:00:14
death I have suggested many reasons to grow in
1:00:19
consciousness but we can always ask more radical questions
1:00:25
if one reason is to find meaning what meaning are we seeking
1:00:30
the more we can become conscious the more we will grow in power and
1:00:35
competence but to what purpose granted that the whole thrust of
1:00:41
evolution is in the direction of consciousness but where are we evolving toward
1:00:49
nothing will ever remove all mystery but I believe at least part of the answer to
1:00:56
these questions can be found in the Latin derivation of the word conscious
1:01:02
which is Khan scary meaning literally to
1:01:07
know with what a strange derivative to know with
1:01:14
to know with what I suggest that the answer is to know
1:01:19
with God I have said that psychological disorders primarily have their root in
1:01:26
Consciousness rather than our unconscious that nasty material is contained in our
1:01:33
unconscious only because our conscious mind refuses to deal with it
1:01:38
if we can deal with this unpleasant stuff then our unconscious mind offers
1:01:44
an absolute Garden of delights through which we are connected to God
1:01:51
in other words I believe that God reveals herself to us through our
1:01:56
unconscious if we are willing to be open to it and conscious of its wisdom
1:02:05
if we are not necessarily here to be happy fulfilled or comfortable all the
1:02:12
time what are we here for what is the meaning of life
1:02:18
I believe the reason we are here is to learn which is to say to evolve
1:02:25
and I defy you to imagine a more ideal environment for human learning than this
1:02:33
life it is a life filled with vicissitudes uncertainty and hard lessons
1:02:41
but in Benjamin Franklin's words those things that hurt instruct
1:02:47
and as is the case with both thinking and Consciousness the business of
1:02:52
learning is neither simple nor entirely straightforward it too is filled with mystery
1:03:00
my primary identity is that of a scientist and we scientists are
1:03:07
empiricists who believe that the best route to knowledge is through experience
1:03:13
so we scientists conduct experiments or controlled experiences to gain new
1:03:20
knowledge and find truth in the world by the same token I am a spiritual
1:03:26
person I know of God not only because of Faith but also on the basis of evidence namely
1:03:34
my experiences of Grace I have commonly spoken about Grace as a
1:03:42
pattern of Highly improbable events with a beneficial outcome
1:03:47
this is why I have concluded that in such patterns we can see the fingerprints if not the actual hand of
1:03:56
God my assertion that this world is an ideal
1:04:01
environment for human learning suggests the possibility that it might have been
1:04:06
constructed by God for that purpose which immediately brings us to a
1:04:12
discussion about the notion of the Soul Keats referred to this world as the veil
1:04:20
of Soul making which means we're here to learn and be
1:04:26
prepared this belief is one that Christianity and other religions have in common with
1:04:32
reincarnation Theory which suggests that we're here to get rid of Bad Karma and
1:04:37
to learn lessons that are necessary so that we can eventually make the transition Beyond this world of rebirth
1:04:46
I Define the soul as a god-created god nurtured unique developable Immortal
1:04:56
human spirit by God nurtured I mean that not only did
1:05:02
God create us from the moment of our conception but also that God through
1:05:07
Grace continues to nurture us throughout our lives
1:05:12
there would be no point in her doing so unless she wanted something from us
1:05:18
what does she want she wants us to learn and most of Grace seems to be devoted to
1:05:27
that end the other key word to describe the soul is developable
1:05:34
there would be no point in God wanting us to learn unless we were capable of
1:05:40
development we are evolving creatures not only as an
1:05:46
entire race but as individuals as physical beings our bodies stop
1:05:53
developing and inevitably decay but our psychospiritual development can
1:06:00
continue until the moment we die and I suspect long long afterwards
1:06:07
for this psychospiritual development I will frequently use the word growth
1:06:13
and in this way growth is inextricably dependent upon learning
1:06:22
during our childhood most of our learning is passive in other words for
1:06:28
the most part it just happens for example to this day how children
1:06:35
learn to speak their language remains mostly a mystery and even before children learn language
1:06:42
they learn what psychologists call their ego boundaries
1:06:47
there is reason to believe that the newborn infant cannot distinguish himself from the world
1:06:54
but somehow during the first nine months of Life the child learns that his arm is
1:07:00
his and that it is different from mummies are and his fingers are distinguishable from Daddy's fingers
1:07:08
he learns that when he has a stomachache that doesn't mean that the whole world must have a stomachache too
1:07:15
such learning does not seem to be a matter of choice which is why I call it passive
1:07:21
although it is passive learning during childhood is extremely important
1:07:27
it is also the time when if we are fortunate we will begin to gain
1:07:33
emotional as well as intellectual intelligence
1:07:38
many have steadfastly bought into the notion that intelligence can only be
1:07:44
gauged by numerical measures that is perhaps true of analytical
1:07:49
intelligence but as a result other aspects of intelligence have tended to
1:07:55
be overlooked or down plagued particularly those involving intangible
1:08:00
factors such as self-awareness empathy and social consciousness
1:08:07
thus I find quite promising some new research that suggests how someone
1:08:12
handles emotions is as much an accurate and important indication of human
1:08:18
intelligence as intellectual skills
1:08:24
developing emotional intelligence are formidable in a culture that emphasizes
1:08:30
left brain intellectual over right brain intuitive reasoning
1:08:37
it is no wonder that in childhood we find the beginnings of emotional numbness when children learn to repress
1:08:44
feelings or shut off completely many adults who are not comfortable with
1:08:51
emotions may constantly criticize children about feelings or scold them to
1:08:59
not feel that way resulting in the repression of emotional awareness
1:09:06
vitally important as the passive learning of childhood is both emotionally and intellectually the
1:09:14
active learning of adulthood if it occurs at all is ultimately even
1:09:19
more important among some psychologists there has been a tendency to think that by adolescence
1:09:27
the damage has been done that For Better or For ill the personality is set
1:09:33
this is not necessarily so among other things it is possible that
1:09:40
as Jonathan Swift said the latter part of a man's life is taken up in curing
1:09:47
all of the Follies prejudices and false opinions he has contracted in the former
1:09:53
part the active learning of adulthood is not only possible but infinitely desirable
1:10:02
in some ways we understand much more clearly how people can learn in
1:10:07
adulthood by active deliberate choice what we do not understand about is why
1:10:15
we are now confronted with the extraordinary mystery of the human will
1:10:21
I believe that a strong will is one of the greatest blessings that can be bestowed upon a human being
1:10:29
for instance it is strong-willed people those with the mysterious will to grow
1:10:35
who do well in Psychotherapy no matter what their childhood or background was
1:10:41
like no matter what the odds on the other hand other people who seem
1:10:47
to lack this mysterious will to grow May possess all manner of assets and yet sit
1:10:53
on their Duff getting no place in further along the road less travel I
1:11:00
wrote that I used to explain to my patients that having a weak will is like
1:11:05
having a little donkey in your backyard it can't hurt you very much
1:11:11
about the worst it can do is Chomp on your tulips but it can't help you that much either
1:11:17
and you could end up with a life of regrets for not doing things you thought
1:11:22
you should do having a strong will on the other hand is like having a dozen Clydesdales in
1:11:30
your backyard those horses are massive creatures and
1:11:36
extremely strong and if they are not properly trained disciplined and harnessed they will
1:11:43
knock your house down on the other hand if they are properly trained disciplined and harnessed then
1:11:50
with them you can literally move mountains thus the distinction between the harness
1:11:58
and unharnessed will is important but to what should the will be harnessed
1:12:05
your will cannot be harnessed simply to yourself it has to be harnessed to a power higher
1:12:13
than yourself in his book will and spirit the first
1:12:21
chapter of which is entitled willingness and willfulness the psychiatrist Gerald
1:12:28
May wrote that willfulness characterizes the unharnessed human will
1:12:36
whereas willingness identifies the strong will of a person who is willing
1:12:41
to go where he or she is called or led by a higher power
1:12:48
furthermore given the relationship between willingness and a higher power
1:12:53
it is no coincidence that as I wrote in the road last travel the will to grow is
1:12:59
in essence the same phenomenon as love I defined love as the will to extend
1:13:08
oneself for one's own or another's spiritual growth
1:13:14
genuinely loving people are by definition growing people
1:13:19
thus I have come to believe that people's capacity to love hence their
1:13:25
will to grow is nurtured not only during childhood by loving parents but also
1:13:31
throughout their lives by Grace or God's love
1:13:37
even many who do not identify God as their higher power may show a
1:13:42
willingness to submit themselves to something they consider to be greater than themselves
1:13:48
such as the ideals of Love Light and Truth in the end of course all these qualities
1:13:56
have something to do with God nonetheless it is my impression that as
1:14:02
they continue over the years and decades to devote their will to learning and
1:14:07
growth these people almost inevitably will fall into the hands of the Living
1:14:12
God and their soul will be in a personal relationship with its creator and
1:14:20
nurturer we have all heard about narcissists
1:14:27
people who cannot or will not think about other people I believe that we are all born
1:14:35
narcissists healthy people grow out of their natural narcissism which can be accomplished
1:14:42
only as they become more conscious and learn to consider others more
1:14:48
this learning is a spiral process because the more we learn the more
1:14:53
conscious we become learning my way out of narcissism has
1:14:59
been the single greatest theme of my life and looking back marriage has been my
1:15:06
greatest teacher in a world waiting to be born I wrote that because of my own narcissism early
1:15:13
in our relationship it only began to dawn on me after two years of marriage
1:15:18
that my wife Lily might be something more than my appendage
1:15:24
it was the friction of our relationship that opened my eyes
1:15:29
I found myself repeatedly annoyed at her for being away from home shopping at
1:15:35
times when I needed her and equally annoyed at her for pestering
1:15:40
me when I felt in need of Solitude gradually I began to realize that most
1:15:47
of my irritation was the result of a bizarre assumption in my mind
1:15:53
I assumed that Lily should somehow be there for me whenever I wanted her and
1:15:59
not be there whenever her presence was inconvenient furthermore I assume that she should not
1:16:06
only know which time was which but also know it without my having to tell her
1:16:13
it was perhaps another decade before I was able to fully cure myself of that
1:16:20
particular insanity but that was only the beginning
1:16:26
one of the reasons my marriage to Lily has survived is because we each in our
1:16:31
own way are deeply considerate people at first however this consideration had
1:16:38
more to do with our self-image than anything else we wanted to think of ourselves as good
1:16:44
people so we tried to be good being good meant being considerate and
1:16:50
we knew the Great rule of goodness or consideration was do unto others as you
1:16:55
would have done unto you so we tried very hard to treat each other the way we wanted to be treated
1:17:03
only it didn't work out very well because like many couples the reality is
1:17:09
that Lily and I entered marriage as milder types of narcissists
1:17:14
we were exquisitely polite but not yet wise because we were operating under the
1:17:21
narcissistic assumption that the other was just like us or else misguided
1:17:28
but as I recounted in a book partly about the Journey of our marriage together in search of stones what we
1:17:36
eventually Learned was that the golden rule is just the beginning to grow we had to learn to recognize and
1:17:44
respect the otherness of each other indeed this is the advanced course of
1:17:51
marriage which teaches do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you
1:17:57
were in their particular unique and different shoes
1:18:02
it is not easy learning after almost six Decades of living Lily
1:18:09
and I are still learning it and sometimes feel like beginners we are learning that our differences
1:18:16
create the spice of our marriage as well as the wisdom of it the expression two heads are better than
1:18:23
one would be meaningless if both heads were exactly the same
1:18:28
so growing out of narcissism allows for the process known as collaboration where
1:18:35
people labor together with wits as well as brawn
1:18:40
yet we are confronted with a paradox even as we strive to grow out of
1:18:46
narcissism it is vital that we simultaneously learn to come to terms
1:18:52
with just how important and valuable we are we need to be able to recognize both the
1:19:00
good and bad parts of ourselves but that does not mean as many falsely
1:19:06
conclude that we should give more Credence to the negative parts of who we
1:19:11
are and downplay or altogether dismiss the good parts
1:19:16
yet many do so in trying to display a pseudo-humility that may extend to an
1:19:23
inability to receive compliments or assert themselves when appropriate to do
1:19:28
so further there is a distinction to be made between self-love which I propose
1:19:36
is always a good thing and self-esteem which I propose can often be
1:19:42
questionable for example there are times when we act in ways that are Unbecoming
1:19:50
if we deny that our behavior is bad and fail to seek ways to correct it or
1:19:56
redeem ourselves by learning from what we have done wrong then we are more concerned about self-esteem
1:20:04
on the other hand if we are operating from a sense of self-love the healthier
1:20:11
thing to do would be to acknowledge our mistakes and chastise ourselves if we
1:20:17
must while Discerning that our failure at any given moment does not totally
1:20:23
Define our Worth or who we are as a person such moments are crucial to our growth
1:20:30
because loving ourselves requires the capacity to recognize that there is
1:20:36
something about us that we need to work on so there is a difference between
1:20:41
insisting that we always feel good about ourselves which is narcissistic and
1:20:48
synonymous with constantly preserving our self-esteem and insisting that we
1:20:53
regard ourselves as important or valuable which is healthy self-love
1:21:00
understanding and making this distinction is a prerequisite for mature
1:21:05
Mental Health as I wrote In The Road Less Traveled the
1:21:11
primary determinant of whether we consider ourselves valuable and important is whether our parents treated
1:21:18
us as if we were valuable and important nonetheless 18 years after the fact I
1:21:25
believe I was unduly pessimistic when I described the problem of someone who enters adulthood with a deep-seated lack
1:21:33
of self-value I had said it was close to impossible for such a person to ever learn a
1:21:40
healthy sense of worth but I now know there are at least two ways that a significant number who had
1:21:47
never learned to Value themselves when they were children can learn to do so
1:21:53
one is through the process of long-term psychotherapy in which the therapist can and often
1:22:00
does become a substitute parent of sorts and heals by persistently demonstrating
1:22:07
her or his sense of the patient's value certainly the most common response I
1:22:14
have received from my own patients at the conclusion of a lengthy and successful course of psychotherapy was
1:22:22
you know Dr Peck you treated me as if I was more important than I thought I was
1:22:31
there is a second way of learning to Value ourselves as adults sometimes God actually seems to
1:22:39
intervene directly in people's lives to give them a message of their value
1:22:46
because of the powerful nature of such an experience its beneficiaries remain
1:22:52
puzzled and awed by it although appreciative and humble they
1:22:57
often continue to ask why me years after the fact
1:23:03
because they still wonder what they had done to deserve such a blessing
1:23:08
it is indeed an experience of overwhelming Grace when one who for so
1:23:14
long has devalued himself is granted a divine revelation that he indeed does
1:23:21
matter after all unbridled narcissism is the principal
1:23:28
precursor of psychospiritual illness the healthy spiritual life consists of
1:23:35
progressively growing out of narcissism failure to grow out of it although
1:23:41
extremely common is also extremely destructive the prospect of our death and the
1:23:49
process of our dying physically can be one of the greatest if not the greatest stimulus for such Healthy Growth
1:23:57
when psychiatrists talk about injuries to Pride we call them narcissistic
1:24:03
injuries and on any scale of narcissistic injuries death is the
1:24:08
ultimate we suffer little narcissistic injuries all the time
1:24:13
a classmate calls us stupid for example we're the last to be chosen for
1:24:19
someone's volleyball team colleges turn us down employers criticize us we get
1:24:26
fired our children reject us as a result of these narcissistic
1:24:31
injuries we either become embittered or we grow but death is the big one
1:24:39
nothing threatens our narcissistic attachment to ourselves and our
1:24:44
self-conceit more than our impending obliteration
1:24:50
the smart way is to face death as early as possible in doing so we can realize something
1:24:57
really rather simple that is insofar as we can overcome our narcissism we can
1:25:04
overcome our fear of death for people who learn to do this the
1:25:10
prospect of Death Becomes a magnificent stimulus for their psychological and
1:25:15
spiritual growth since I am going to die anyway they think what's the point of preserving
1:25:22
this attachment I have to my silly old self and so they set forth on a journey
1:25:29
towards selflessness Elizabeth Cooper Ross in her Classic on
1:25:35
death and dying was the first scientific person who dared to ask people what they
1:25:41
were experiencing as they faced their physical death doing so she discerned that there are
1:25:48
five emotional stages in the process of physically dying denial anger bargaining depression and
1:25:58
finally acceptance in the first stage denial people might
1:26:04
say the lab must have gotten my tests mixed up with somebody else's it can't
1:26:09
be happening to me but denying doesn't work for very long so they get angry they get angry at the
1:26:17
doctors angry at the nurses angry at the hospital angry at their relatives angry
1:26:22
at God when anger doesn't get them anywhere then they start to bargain they say
1:26:29
maybe if I go back to church and start praying again my cancer will go away or
1:26:34
maybe if I start being nicer to my children for a change my kidneys will improve
1:26:41
and when that doesn't get results they begin to realize The Jig Is up and
1:26:46
they're really going to die at that point they become depressed
1:26:52
if they can hang in there and do what therapists call the work of depression
1:26:58
then they can emerge at the other end of their depression and enter the fifth
1:27:03
stage acceptance this is a stage of great spiritual calm
1:27:10
and tranquility and even light for many
1:27:15
I cannot emphasize how important these stages of dying are to the process of
1:27:21
unlearning and new learning they are routinely gone through not only
1:27:26
by individuals but also groups and even entire nations
1:27:32
consider for instance the behavior of the United States in Vietnam
1:27:37
when evidence first began to accumulate in 1963 and 1964 that our policies in
1:27:45
Vietnam were not working what was our nation's first reaction denial
1:27:51
nothing was really wrong all we needed was a few more special forces troops and
1:27:56
a few more million dollars then in 1966 and 1967 as evidence
1:28:03
continued to accumulate that our policies were not working and obviously
1:28:08
seriously flawed what was the government's reaction anger
1:28:13
the day of the body count began and me lie and torture
1:28:19
yet by 1969 and 1970 when the evidence was now massive that our policies were a
1:28:25
failure our next response was to attempt to bargain our way out of Vietnam
1:28:31
we selectively stopped bombing here as a carrot and started bombing there as a
1:28:37
stick ing that we could somehow bring North Vietnam to the negotiating table
1:28:43
but it continued to fail although some of us as individuals went
1:28:49
through a significant depression over Vietnam our government led the majority
1:28:54
of Americans to believe that somehow we had succeeded in bargaining our way out
1:29:00
of Vietnam this was not true we were defeated we
1:29:05
fled with over half a million men because as a nation we generally failed
1:29:12
at the time to do the work of depression involved in this tragedy there was little evidence that we learned any
1:29:18
lesson as a result only recently 25 years after the fact
1:29:24
does it look as if we may have done some portion of the work of that depression
1:29:30
and come to some modicum of humility in our international relations
1:29:37
to learn something new we often have to empty ourselves of the old
1:29:43
and we often feel as if the pain will last forever but in the cycle of Life there is always
1:29:50
opportunity for renewal hope is the foundation of the rebirthing
1:29:58
that may follow death and change so too it is that the stage of
1:30:04
depression is inevitably followed by the stage of acceptance
1:30:09
initially the stage of rebirth may be as painful as the die in fact learning new
1:30:16
ways may seem incredibly dangerous but learning is an adventure a journey
1:30:23
into the unknown it is human and smart to be afraid of
1:30:28
the unknown to be at least a tiny bit scared when embarking on an adventure
1:30:34
but it is only from Adventures that we learn much of significance
1:30:40
going into Psychotherapy is one of the greatest adventures in human growth because of its potential to bring about
1:30:47
the most significant learning many individuals in facing the truth of
1:30:53
their limitations become more spiritually aware through the humility of coming clean and getting real
1:31:02
sometimes it's hard to distinguish whether it is courage or desperation
1:31:08
the urgency that comes from hitting rock bottom that leads someone to embark on
1:31:14
the adventure of psychotherapy Rumi a 13th century Muslim Mystic said
1:31:21
organs evolve in response to necessity therefore increase your necessity
1:31:30
so I believe that the acceptance of necessity is an act of Courage itself
1:31:36
thus even with necessity or feeling desperate seems the consuming motivation
1:31:41
it still takes courage to go into therapy because it is truly going into
1:31:47
the unknown relatively few people understand what
1:31:53
courage is most people think it is the absence of fear
1:31:58
the absence of fear is not Courage the absence of fear is some kind of brain
1:32:04
damage courage is the capacity to go ahead in spite of the fear where in spite of the
1:32:11
pain when you do that you will find that overcoming that fear will not only make
1:32:17
you stronger but will be a big step forward toward maturity
1:32:39
[Music] widespread denial of this in our County
1:32:48
but there is no way in larger systems such as businesses that you can have a
1:32:53
structure of accountability without a chain of command what that chain of command will look
1:33:00
like can vary considerably but somewhere The Buck has to stop
1:33:06
because they have had unpleasant experiences with hierarchical authority systems there is a tendency on the part
1:33:13
of many people to distrust all structure they need to guard against such a
1:33:19
tendency there can be highly dysfunctional structures but structure is by no means
1:33:27
all bad most of it is good indeed over the years I have come to
1:33:33
learn that not only children but adults very much need structure
1:33:40
although people often don't realize it structures can be flexible
1:33:45
a significant part of the work at fce is to teach organizations both large and
1:33:51
small how to operate in community when operating in a community mode the
1:33:58
group does not have a rigid Authority structure Authority and leadership are
1:34:03
shared as they must be to maximize communication but we could not do this work if it
1:34:10
meant that organizations had to abandon their hierarchical Authority structure altogether
1:34:16
we can do it only because it is possible for an organization to operate in a
1:34:21
hierarchical mode while dealing with its day-to-day operations but it can switch to a community mode in
1:34:29
response to certain issues and problems like those of diversity and morale and
1:34:35
situations when group decision making is required
1:34:40
as I noted in The Road Less Traveled one of the characteristics of individual
1:34:46
mental health is what I call flexible response systems
1:34:51
this is also a characteristic of organizational health an organization that has two modes of
1:34:58
operating at its command and can use one or the other contingent upon the
1:35:04
circumstances is obviously going to be a healthier organization than one that can
1:35:10
only function in a single way wherever a structure of accountability
1:35:16
and differing roles has been established there you will find boundaries
1:35:22
every human being has to deal with boundary issues within the organization
1:35:28
of his or her marriage nuclear family extended family network of friendship
1:35:34
and employment each of us as individuals must make
1:35:39
choices day in and day out defining our boundaries within the framework of any
1:35:46
organization perhaps the easier of such choices
1:35:51
involves the degree to which you are going to respect other people's boundaries
1:35:57
these boundaries will vary from Individual to individual and culture to culture
1:36:03
psychologists for instance have discerned that within any culture there is actually a specific spatial distance
1:36:10
within which most people feel comfortable communicating with their fellows
1:36:16
in the United States that distance is relatively large and seldom do we talk
1:36:22
with the new acquaintance unless our faces are a good three feet distant from each other
1:36:28
in India on the other hand the norm may be more like one foot
1:36:34
when we speak about giving each other space however we mean something much
1:36:39
more complex than mere footage perhaps the most agonizing decisions we
1:36:46
ever have to make are when to intervene in the Affairs of our children friends
1:36:52
or as we get older in the lives of our parents
1:36:57
in my experience a greater problem than learning and awareness of another's
1:37:02
boundaries and when and how to respect that is the problem of choosing and
1:37:07
setting our own boundaries when I was still in the practice of psychotherapy it seemed to me that at
1:37:15
least half of my patients had what I came to call drawbridge problems
1:37:21
sooner or later I would say to them all of us live in a castle around the castle there is a moat and
1:37:29
over the moat there is a drawbridge which we can lower open or raise shut
1:37:34
depending upon our will the problem was that their drawbridges
1:37:39
did not work very well either they were laid open all the time so that virtually anyone and everyone
1:37:47
could amble into their personal space prowl around stay as long as they liked
1:37:52
and do whatever harm they would or else their drawbridges were raised
1:37:58
shut and stuck so that nobody or no thing could penetrate their isolated
1:38:04
solitude neither case was benign
1:38:09
it is our choice when to lower our drawbridges and when to raise them but
1:38:15
this Choice leads us into yet another complexity insofar as we may keep our draw Bridges
1:38:22
open people or issues may come into our lives and hurt us
1:38:27
not so much physically as emotionally the response of many to this dilemma is
1:38:33
to keep their physical draw Bridges somewhat open but keep their emotional drawbridges firmly closed
1:38:42
it is as if an executive has an open door policy but nobody who comes in
1:38:47
through that door ever affects him one of our ongoing problems in life is
1:38:54
to continually choose the degree to which we are going to allow ourselves to
1:38:59
be emotionally affected by issues and other people it is the Dilemma of vulnerability
1:39:07
the word vulnerability means the ability to be wounded
1:39:12
in choosing how vulnerable we are going to be as human beings it is essential
1:39:18
that we make the distinction between wounding as in being hurt and wounding
1:39:23
as in being damaged under almost all circumstances it would
1:39:30
be plain stupid to walk into a situation where you are likely to be permanently
1:39:36
damaged but it might be very smart to open yourself up to situations within limits
1:39:42
where you would be likely to experience some emotional pain such as in taking a risk to enter a
1:39:50
relationship that has the potential to lead to commitment I am not advising anyone to be totally
1:39:57
vulnerable nor to be vulnerable at all times nonetheless if you choose to be a
1:40:05
healing presence in the world it will be necessary to choose throughout your life
1:40:10
to retain the capacity to be wounded to at least some degree
1:40:16
in a justifiably famous book entitled the wounded healer Ori nowin writes that
1:40:23
if we are to be effective healers we must allow ourselves within limits to be
1:40:29
continually wounded and that indeed it is only out of our woundedness that we
1:40:35
can heal or be healed it has become very fashionable these
1:40:42
days to use the term dysfunctional for organizations whether they are
1:40:47
businesses or families indeed it is so fashionable that like
1:40:52
community and civility the word dysfunctional is rapidly descending into meaninglessness
1:40:59
when I was still giving lectures I used to ask my audiences upon occasion will
1:41:05
anyone here who was not brought up in a dysfunctional family please raise your
1:41:12
hand not a hand would be raised all organizations are dysfunctional
1:41:19
but the point is that some are more dysfunctional than others
1:41:25
we have seen that one of the sub-tenants of systems theory is that whenever you change a part of the system all the
1:41:32
other parts have to change however systems inherently resist change
1:41:39
they resist healing the plain fact of the matter is that most organizations despite the blatancy
1:41:47
of their dysfunctionality and its cost ineffectiveness would rather remain
1:41:52
dysfunctional than grow toward greater civility civility does not come naturally
1:42:00
it takes Consciousness and action to achieve incivility comes more naturally
1:42:08
and due to laziness it is simply easier to be uncivil
1:42:13
if that seems to be a pessimistic view there is still room for optimism
1:42:19
it may be derived from my statement that all organizations are dysfunctional
1:42:26
what this means for you as heads of families and businesses is that you
1:42:31
cannot do it perfectly but you do the best you can anyway
1:42:37
to be as civil as possible in these complex and demanding roles is the path
1:42:43
of smart selfishness even though it requires a great deal of psychospiritual exertion
1:42:51
and as I suggested in a world waiting to be born while incivility is easier the
1:42:57
creation of a relatively civil organization or culture is in the long
1:43:02
run more cost effective it is also the route to creating something that is more
1:43:09
healing and alive we have many choices to make as we play
1:43:16
varying roles and face many tasks responsibilities and challenges in our
1:43:22
families work lives and group affiliations but our lives become even more complex
1:43:30
when we look beyond our nuclear families and the particular organizations to
1:43:35
which we belong or have contact with on a regular basis we all belong to an even larger
1:43:43
organization that we call Society we co-exist as a collective community of
1:43:50
human beings stretching beyond the boundaries of different towns and cities
1:43:55
counties and States regions and Nations we are all citizens of the world
1:44:03
and as members of this social order we confront profound choices about what
1:44:09
citizenship means to more closely examine the complexities
1:44:15
of citizenship and to look at Society realistically inevitably we will be
1:44:21
confronted by a number of paradoxes first among them is the Paradox of Good
1:44:28
and Evil in one of his letters the Apostle Paul wrote that this Human Society was ruled
1:44:36
by principalities and Powers his phrase for the demonic
1:44:43
whether we interpret the Demonic as some external force or simply our human
1:44:48
nature and original sin the notion that the devil is the ruler of this world has
1:44:54
an enormous amount of truth to it given the prevalence of War genocide
1:45:01
poverty starvation gross inequality in the distribution of wealth racism and
1:45:08
sexism Despair and hopelessness drug abuse white-collar crime in our
1:45:14
institutions violent crime on our streets and child and spousal abuse in
1:45:20
our homes evil seems to be the order of the day
1:45:25
the word Satan originally meant adversary in Christian theology Satan is also
1:45:33
called the devil we are being adversarial when we speak of playing The Devil's Advocate
1:45:40
Satan or the devil mythologically was originally a good Angel who was cast out
1:45:47
of heaven for Disobedience and pride and became the personification of evil and
1:45:53
the adversary of man a certain amount of adversarialism is
1:45:59
good for our thinking and growth the flippant practice of playing The
1:46:05
Devil's Advocate however May hide a hint of the Sinister
1:46:10
any adversarial position which is persistently contrary and opposed to
1:46:16
human growth and directly opposite of that which is Godly contains the harsh
1:46:22
ingredients for the perpetuation of evil the word diabolic is derived from the
1:46:31
Greek diabolene meaning to throw apart fragment or compartmentalize
1:46:39
among the most diabolic aspects of the fragmentation of our Collective Consciousness are those things so common
1:46:47
that they have become institutionalized we're institutionalized evils such as
1:46:53
racism sexism ageism and homophobia exist for example we find the Dual
1:47:00
mechanisms of Oppression and dehumanization when certain segments of humanity are
1:47:08
systematically regarded as disposable or irrelevant or treated with derision dire
1:47:15
consequences for the Integrity of the entire Society are inevitable
1:47:21
often the forces of evil are more subtle than blatant
1:47:27
almost as horrific as evil itself is the denial of it
1:47:32
as I wrote about in search of stones many ride a train to work every day from
1:47:39
their Suburban Havens to downtown New York City never looking up from their
1:47:44
newspapers as they passed the most impoverished sections of Harlem
1:47:49
the slums are rendered invisible and so too are those enmeshed in them
1:47:57
on the other hand there are those who take a cynical view of the world and
1:48:02
seem to believe that evil lurks behind everything their vision is gloom and doom even in
1:48:10
the midst of innocence and beauty they look for the worst in everything never giving notice to that which is
1:48:17
positive and life-affirming when Despair and cynicism are like
1:48:22
demons to us we risk perpetuating evil as well
1:48:28
if we are to look at our society realistically we will recognize the
1:48:33
powerful influences of both good and evil forces the world is not all
1:48:40
beautiful neither is it all bad thus a most critical challenge we face
1:48:46
is developing the ability to gain and maintain a balanced perspective
1:48:54
while the prevailing judeo-christian view is that this is a good World
1:49:00
somehow contaminated by evil as a mostly middle of the road Christian my
1:49:06
preferred view is that this is a naturally evil World somehow contaminated by goodness
1:49:13
we can look at children for example and rejoice in their innocence and spontaneity
1:49:20
but the fact is they are all born Liars cheats thieves and manipulators
1:49:26
so it's hardly remarkable that many children grow up to be adult Liars cheats thieves and manipulators
1:49:34
what's harder to explain is why so many people grow up to be good and honest
1:49:40
while capable of evil human beings overall are often better than might be
1:49:46
expected in my experience with the community building workshop sponsored by fce I've
1:49:53
been immensely impressed by what I've come to call the routine heroism of
1:49:59
human beings it is also common to discover how people in tragic circumstances such as the
1:50:07
Oklahoma City bombing and other crisis situations rise to the occasion
1:50:13
there is abundant evidence of how people can be incredibly good when they are
1:50:18
pulling together there is a tendency among many whether
1:50:23
they are rich or poor to habitually believe that they are entitled to something for nothing or behave as if
1:50:31
the world owes them rather than the other way around there are numerous reasons behind this
1:50:39
seemingly pervasive attitude of entitlement in in search of stones I cite one
1:50:46
particularly American reason it is the notion put forth by the Declaration of Independence
1:50:53
we hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal
1:51:00
that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights that
1:51:07
among these are life liberty and the pursuit of happiness
1:51:12
I believe these words are paradoxically perhaps the most profound and silliest
1:51:19
words ever written they constitute a magnificent and holy
1:51:26
Vision that accurately captures the essence of The Human Condition
1:51:31
at the same time they are horribly misleading
1:51:37
we are all equal in the sight of God beyond that however we are utterly
1:51:45
unequal we have different gifts and liabilities different genes different
1:51:51
languages and cultures different values and styles of thinking different
1:51:56
personal histories different levels of competence and on and on
1:52:03
indeed Humanity might properly be labeled the unequal species
1:52:10
the false notion of our equality propels us into the pretense of pseudo-community
1:52:18
the notion that everyone is the same and when the pretense fails as it must
1:52:24
for any intimacy or authenticity we are propelled to attempt to achieve equality
1:52:30
by force the force of gentle persuasion followed by less and less gentle
1:52:36
persuasion we totally misinterpret our task
1:52:41
society's task is not to establish equality it is to develop systems that
1:52:48
deal humanely with our inequality systems that within reason celebrate and
1:52:55
encourage diversity the concept of Human Rights is Central
1:53:01
to the development of such systems and I wholeheartedly applaud the Bill of Rights as it is generally interpreted by
1:53:09
the courts I am much more dubious however about the sweeping rights claimed by the
1:53:16
Declaration of Independence the rights to life liberty and the pursuit of
1:53:21
happiness as I approach old age for instance I am
1:53:27
increasingly dubious about my right to life in certain respects
1:53:33
as an author and teacher I must question my Liberty to lie or even subtly distort
1:53:40
as a psychiatrist and theologian I'm not sure how worthy a Pursuit of Happiness
1:53:46
Is Knowing happiness to be either a side effect of some deeper pursuit or else
1:53:52
the result of self-delusion my still larger problem is with the
1:53:58
aggregate of these rights add the rights of life liberty and the
1:54:03
pursuit of happiness together and it sounds as if we have a right to peace as
1:54:09
if we are entitled to peace without having to work for it
1:54:15
the same paradoxical principles hold true for achieving that much yearned for
1:54:21
condition called inner peace although we have the right to desire it
1:54:26
we are no more entitled to Inner Peace than outer peace yet many protest with indignation when
1:54:34
life itself interrupts the happiness or Serenity they have come to see as an
1:54:40
entitlement moreover in order to possess inner peace we are frequently required to First be
1:54:48
willing to forsake it only those who constantly lie to
1:54:53
themselves without qualm can have peace of mind but if we do not want to be self-brain
1:55:01
damaged in this manner we need to remember that there is something far
1:55:06
more important than inner peace integrity
1:55:12
Integrity among other things requires the willingness to endure discomfort for
1:55:18
the sake of Truth we must be aware that there is a false
1:55:23
kind of peace of mind that derives from being out of touch with ourselves
1:55:30
true inner peace requires us to be close and intimate with every facet of
1:55:36
ourselves to be not only invested in our rights but also concerned about our
1:55:42
responsibilities which brings us to the Paradox of responsibility
1:55:48
as Citizens we are affected by a variety of issues at the local state and
1:55:54
National levels depending upon the impact of these issues on our daily lives and the lives
1:56:00
of others different roles and responsibilities may be required of us
1:56:06
some attempt to meet this challenge to make a difference by diligently voting
1:56:11
in every local and national election others choose the root of participating
1:56:17
in efforts to help those in need at a neighborhood community organization
1:56:22
still others make Financial contributions to support causes of interest and concern to them
1:56:30
but many resist taking any kind of responsibility they find it easier to look to others to
1:56:38
be the Messiahs to solve all the world's problems the Paradox is that we are responsible
1:56:46
for everything and at the same time we cannot be
1:56:51
responsible for everything the answer to this and to all paradoxes
1:56:57
is not to run with only one side of the equation but to embrace both sides of
1:57:03
the truth an unknown seamstress at a Montgomery
1:57:08
Alabama Department Store in 1955 Rosa Parks unwittingly helped change our
1:57:16
nation when her refusal to yield her bus seat to a white man triggered a boycott
1:57:22
that lasted 381 days her feet tired and her dignity
1:57:29
repeatedly tested this 42 year old black woman was arrested and subsequently
1:57:35
fired from her job her simple action and subsequent actions
1:57:40
on the parts of many others spurred a movement that led to tremendous legal
1:57:46
reform in this country not everyone can have an impact at the
1:57:52
same level as the Rosa Parks but we each can take a stand in the struggle against
1:57:58
all kinds of evil in our world indeed the battle against evil begins at
1:58:04
home we must deal with ourselves and our families first and work to create
1:58:10
healthier communication and interactions think globally act locally is a good
1:58:19
guideline to follow in most cases beyond our own rights and standing up
1:58:26
for our personhood we need sometimes to be willing to take a stand on behalf of
1:58:32
others even when there seems no direct benefit to ourselves
1:58:38
sometimes we must be willing to do so at our own risk the responsibility for Discerning when
1:58:45
to go out on a limb is a choice that each individual must make based on what
1:58:51
he or she is willing to give up for the sake of standing for something
1:58:57
there are times when we are truly in a bind about exactly where to draw lines
1:59:03
of responsibility in such cases we need to do the best we can and then simply concede the rest to
1:59:11
uncertainty we will not always know for sure whether we could have done more whether we
1:59:18
should have spoken up when we heard a racial slur or intervened when we heard
1:59:23
a neighbor verbally abusing his wife in the face of complex and overwhelming
1:59:30
social responsibilities we need to remember that if we become gripped by Despair and burnout we will not only be
1:59:38
useless to ourselves but also to others I have for years been consoled by an
1:59:45
account of a patient of mine who attended a conference at which one of the Berrigan brothers who have long been
1:59:52
involved in radical Civil Disobedience on behalf of disarmament was speaking
1:59:59
someone asked father Berrigan how he could continue over decades to do his
2:00:05
work when it seemed to have no obvious results he responded we don't even think about
2:00:13
results if we did we would be dead by now
2:00:18
the results are not our concern we just do what we think is right what we feel
2:00:25
we have to do and leave the results up to God
2:00:30
we must choose not only the level of our involvement and our responsibility as
2:00:36
Citizens but also consider the paradoxes of time and money
2:00:41
deciding when to get involved is crucial given both that we can never do
2:00:47
everything we want to do in this life and our own resources whether time
2:00:52
energy or money are limited many significant contributions are made
2:00:59
to society through the giving of time money or other resources on the strength
2:01:06
of strong principles by individuals who regard their citizenship as a
2:01:11
responsibility volunteerism is the word we use to
2:01:17
describe efforts at trying to do good in spheres Beyond personal economic
2:01:22
interests and family as soon as a person stands up for something with no expectations of reward
2:01:30
his involvement in a cause is essentially voluntary a philanthropist volunteers his money
2:01:38
a teacher May provide free after-school tutoring to children in a poor
2:01:44
neighborhood a student may assist at a homeless shelter a homemaker may make weekly visits to
2:01:52
spend quality time with lonely residents at a home for the elderly
2:01:57
just as time is important other resources also make a difference in
2:02:02
one's ability to serve Society many misconstrue activism and thus
2:02:08
rejected due to the simplistic notion that it is a call to radical poverty
2:02:15
working for the good of society need not be synonymous with a total sacrifice of
2:02:21
one's comfort some years ago I read the proceedings of
2:02:28
a conference of community activists in Nova Scotia one of the speakers who had spent many
2:02:35
years on the front lines of social action and volunteerism said the
2:02:41
greatest contribution you can make to the poor is by not becoming one of them
2:02:47
this statement may seem harsh but out of my own experience it struck me in part
2:02:53
at least as having the Ring Of Truth fce for instance has been able to do its
2:03:00
peacemaking and poverty work only because it is a financially solvent
2:03:05
non-profit organization [Music]
2:03:23
thank you part three
2:03:29
the other side of complexity
2:03:34
in the end all things point to God
2:03:40
I said at the beginning that the organization of this book evolved from a
2:03:46
single sentence a quote attributed to Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr
2:03:52
I don't give a fig for the Simplicity on this side of complexity
2:03:58
but I would die for the Simplicity on the other side
2:04:04
to Journey to the other side of complexity we are challenged to make a
2:04:09
radical shift in thought we are invited to move Way Beyond any
2:04:15
simplistic understanding in order to consider what strict scientists might
2:04:20
call the god Theory let's explore the god Theory and the
2:04:27
scientific evidence albeit most of it indirect that seems to show that all
2:04:34
things do indeed point to God scientific Geniuses including Carl Jung
2:04:42
and Albert Einstein have been among those who left the world a legacy through their Works which Advance the
2:04:49
search for meaning in life and understanding of the universe and both made personal proclamations
2:04:56
that their scientific inquiries had led them to conclude that God is indeed real
2:05:04
but despite the assured observations of divinity from some of science's
2:05:09
brightest Minds we still can't cite any scientific specific proof to support the
2:05:16
existence of God any Proclamation about the existence of
2:05:21
God brings about at least a bit of skepticism and properly so
2:05:27
because it can't be proven by traditional scientific measures
2:05:32
the result however is an attitude on the part of many scientists not only of
2:05:37
skepticism but outright rejection of anything that cannot be measured
2:05:44
but if we cannot capture or measure God neither can we fully measure and capture
2:05:51
light gravity or subatomic particles despite their obvious existence
2:05:58
indeed in exploring such phenomena as the nature of light electromagnetism
2:06:04
quantum mechanics and relativity Theory physical science has matured over the
2:06:10
past Century to the point where it is increasingly recognized that at a
2:06:15
certain level reality is utterly paradoxical
2:06:20
given the fact that God cannot be measured many simply do not believe in
2:06:27
her existence materialists and those who are highly secular require proof in the form of
2:06:35
visible evidence basically materialists live by a central
2:06:40
belief that reality is only that which the five senses can detect
2:06:46
in other words their motto is likely to be what you see is what you get
2:06:54
secularism is a more complex phenomenon perhaps it can most simply be defined by
2:07:00
comparing it with its opposite this is what the Theologian Michael Novak did so clearly when he
2:07:07
distinguished between what he called the sacred Consciousness and the secular consciousness
2:07:14
the individual with a secular Consciousness essentially thinks that he is the center of the universe
2:07:21
such people tend to be quite intelligent they know full well that they are but
2:07:26
one of six billion human beings scratching out an existence on the
2:07:31
surface of a medium-sized planet that is a small fragment of a tiny solar system
2:07:37
within a Galaxy among countless galaxies and that each of those other human
2:07:43
beings also thinks that he is the center of the universe consequently intelligent though they may
2:07:50
be people with a secular Consciousness are prone to feel a bit lost within this
2:07:57
hugeness and despite their centrality to often
2:08:02
experience a sense of meaninglessness and insignificance
2:08:08
the person with a sacred Consciousness on the other hand does not think of himself as the center of the universe
2:08:15
for him the center resides elsewhere specifically in God in the sacred
2:08:23
yet with this lack of centrality he is actually less likely to feel
2:08:28
insignificant or meaningless than the secularist is because he sees himself
2:08:34
existing in relationship with that sacred other and it is from this relationship that he
2:08:41
derives his meaning and significance sometimes people fall in between with
2:08:49
one foot planted in sacred Consciousness and the other in secular consciousness
2:08:54
moreover there are different types of secularism and religiosity
2:08:59
so part of the science of God is Not only to consider that which is
2:09:05
unexplainable to materialists but also to come to terms with the fact that
2:09:10
people are different in their relationship to God to do so it's necessary to clarify the
2:09:18
difference between spirituality and religion I have gradually come to restrict my
2:09:25
definition of religion to that which involves an organized body of beliefs with a specific Creed and membership
2:09:34
boundaries spirituality is much broader and for my
2:09:40
definition of it I refer to the words that William James in his classic work
2:09:46
the varieties of religious experience used to Define religion
2:09:51
the attempt to be in harmony with an unseen Order of Things
2:09:58
for me that covers everyone's spirituality or lack thereof
2:10:04
as a self-designated Christian I personally not only believe that there
2:10:10
is a higher power behind the visible order of things but also that it is not
2:10:16
neutral that it actively wants us to be in harmony with it
2:10:22
obviously many people are religious but not spiritual and vice versa
2:10:28
one of the most secular persons I've ever met was a Catholic nun with whom I
2:10:33
worked for a year she had been in a Convent for 25 years and had no desire to be anything but a
2:10:41
nun despite the fact that she did everything nuns do confession and service to the
2:10:48
community for example she gave virtually no thought to God in
2:10:53
her daily life others are spiritual but not religious and there are those who are a
2:10:59
combination of both as I am growing up in a primarily secular
2:11:05
environment my Spiritual Development was enabled by all the world's great
2:11:10
religions and it wasn't until age 43 that I was baptized non-denominationally as a
2:11:17
Christian with minor exceptions I believe wholeheartedly in Christian doctrine
2:11:24
on the other hand I also make use of the teachings of other great religions
2:11:31
a sequence or pattern of stages my theory on the stages of spiritual
2:11:38
growth was first outlined in The Road Less Traveled but I wasn't as clear
2:11:44
about those stages back then as I am now very briefly they are stage one which I
2:11:52
label chaotic anti-social in this most primitive stage people may
2:11:58
appear religious or secular but either way their belief system is profoundly
2:12:04
superficial they are essentially unprincipled this may be thought of as a stage of
2:12:11
lawlessness stage two which I label formal
2:12:17
institutional this is a stage of the letter of the law in which religious fundamentalists
2:12:24
meaning most religious people are to be found
2:12:29
stage three skeptic individual people in this stage are usually
2:12:36
scientific minded rational moral and humane
2:12:42
their Outlook is predominantly materialistic they tend to be not only skeptical of the spiritual but
2:12:49
disinterested in anything that cannot be proven stage four
2:12:56
the mystical communal stage in this most mature stage of religious
2:13:02
development which may be thought of as one of the spirit of the law women and
2:13:08
men are rational but do not make a fetish of rationalism they have begun to doubt their own
2:13:15
doubts they feel deeply connected to an unseen Order of Things although they cannot
2:13:22
fully Define it they are comfortable with the mystery of the sacred
2:13:29
I must caution that these stages should not be viewed simplistically
2:13:34
superficially many people might appear to be in a more advanced stage than they
2:13:39
truly are a considerable number of new agers and scientists for instance are basically
2:13:45
fundamentalists while some evangelicals are stage four Mystics
2:13:51
furthermore not only are there gradations within each stage but also
2:13:56
people who are in transition from one stage to the next and while some are developing others for
2:14:03
various reasons are deeply stuck or fixated in a particular stage
2:14:11
many of us are so weighed down with psycho-spiritual baggage that we remain
2:14:17
unaware of how religion and spiritual issues have an impact on our lives and
2:14:23
our perceptions of God's role in them this psycho-spiritual baggage is often
2:14:29
unconstructive and unnecessary some is the result of religious excesses
2:14:36
such as the Inquisition which led to an Unwritten social contract separating
2:14:42
religion and science the original relationship between religion and science was one of
2:14:48
integration and this integration had a name philosophy
2:14:54
early philosophers like Plato and Aristotle and Thomas Aquinas were men of
2:15:00
scientific bent they thought in terms of evidence and questioned premises but they were also
2:15:07
totally convinced that God was the essential reality
2:15:12
in the 16th century however things began to go sour and hit bottom when Galileo
2:15:19
was summoned before the Inquisition he was forced to recant his belief in
2:15:25
copernican theory that the planets revolve around the Sun and then was placed under house arrest for the
2:15:32
remainder of his life but soon it was the church that had to
2:15:37
recant and the result was an Unwritten social contract dividing up the
2:15:43
Territory between science religion and government
2:15:48
in the early 1700s Isaac Newton was president of the Royal Society of London
2:15:55
for improving natural knowledge according to the unwritten contract
2:16:02
natural knowledge was distinguished from Supernatural knowledge
2:16:08
natural knowledge had become the province of science Supernatural knowledge was now the
2:16:14
province of religion and according to the rules of the contract never the
2:16:19
twain should meet one effect of that separation was the emasculation of philosophy
2:16:27
since natural knowledge became the domain of scientists and Supernatural knowledge that of the theologians the
2:16:34
poor philosophers were left only with what fell through the cracks which was not much
2:16:42
for 200 years this contract worked the problem is that now it is tearing us
2:16:49
apart due to the secularization of education for example we can't even teach values
2:16:57
in our public education although Public Schools teach science there seems to be a view that religion
2:17:05
shouldn't be touched there's absolutely no reason not to teach religion it can be done much in
2:17:12
the same objective manner that science is taught with a focus on all religions
2:17:17
and their key Concepts since values are ultimately related to
2:17:23
basic religious ideas the approach to teaching values can be along the same
2:17:28
lines where there is no partiality to any particular ideas but a general
2:17:34
overview with specific Concepts and theories the effect of the unwritten contract
2:17:41
also touches my own field of psychiatry Psychiatry defining itself as scientific
2:17:49
has totally neglected the spiritual I doubt that it is possible for a
2:17:55
psychiatrist to complete his or her residency training without significant exposure to Stage Theory
2:18:02
Freud's stages of psychosexual development Piaget's stages of cognitive
2:18:09
development and Ericsson stages of maturation and their predictable crises
2:18:15
yet to my knowledge in their training psychiatrists receive absolutely no
2:18:21
exposure to the stages of Spiritual Development the truth is there is room for both
2:18:28
faith and reason and only when we are able to integrate the attributes of faith and reason into
2:18:35
our lives can we come closer to what constitutes integrity
2:18:40
I don't know who originally coined the term but a few theologians are
2:18:45
increasingly exalting the holy conjunction the holy conjunction is the word and
2:18:54
instead of an either or style of mentation we are pushing for both and
2:19:00
thinking we are not trying to get rid of reason but to promote reason Plus
2:19:08
reason and mystery reason and emotion
2:19:13
reason and intuition reason and Revelation reason and wisdom
2:19:20
reason and love the holy conjunction is the conjunction
2:19:25
of integrity I have often wondered what might lie
2:19:31
Beyond The Age of Reason I don't know but I hope it will be the
2:19:36
age of integration in that age science and religion will
2:19:42
work hand in hand and both will be more sophisticated as a result
2:19:48
before we can arrive at the age of integration however we ourselves must
2:19:53
become more sophisticated in our thinking specifically we must come to learn how
2:19:59
to think paradoxically because we will encounter Paradox when reason becomes
2:20:04
integrated with the Holy conjunction reason alone will not make sense of such
2:20:11
a teaching as whoever will save his life shall lose it and whoever shall lose his
2:20:18
life will find it
2:21:08
becoming whole involves using latent talents that can be learned or developed
2:21:15
usually only with a great deal of practice and often only with the maturity required to allow humility to
2:21:23
work on our weak sides one crucial way that we become whole is
2:21:28
by learning from others having Role Models helps prevent us from
2:21:34
having to learn everything from scratch so to speak since if we are good listeners and
2:21:39
observers we can avoid some of the pitfalls that someone else has experienced on the same path we are
2:21:46
walking but we must Choose Wisely whom we emulate because Role Models may be
2:21:52
detrimental at times in childhood one of the roots for learning for better or worse is through
2:22:00
our parents as our primary role models in adulthood we have the opportunity to
2:22:07
make a deliberate choice of Role Models including not only how to choose good
2:22:12
Role Models but even how to appropriately use negative role models to serve as examples of what not to do
2:22:21
the subject of continuing learning is a matter of great importance not only for
2:22:28
individuals but for groups in trying to unlearn Old patterns of
2:22:33
behavior and enter into new processes of learning the entire group will
2:22:38
experience some emptiness it is a phenomenon I have witnessed many
2:22:44
times for the past Dozen Years The Greatest Adventure of my professional life and
2:22:51
learning has come from working with others in the foundation for Community encouragement or fce
2:22:58
it is the mission of fce to teach the principles of community by which we mean
2:23:04
the principles of healthy communication within and between groups
2:23:09
fce teaches groups how to be healthy and whole
2:23:14
even holy when groups are healthy the individual
2:23:19
members are in an environment where they can learn more effectively and
2:23:25
efficiently about themselves and other people than any other place
2:23:32
the group itself also learns although it takes a great deal of work
2:23:38
including the work of unlearning a group can develop a consciousness of its own
2:23:45
which is wiser and greater than the sum of its individual members
2:23:51
such groups can become extraordinarily effective decision-making bodies
2:23:58
our work at fce has dovetailed with that of Peter sengi at the organizational
2:24:04
Learning Center at MIT in his book The Fifth Discipline sangi
2:24:11
coined the term learning organization which is synonymous with what we at fce
2:24:17
call sustainable community a learning organization must be a
2:24:23
community a sustainable Community will be a learning organization
2:24:29
the key issue however is this matter of continuing learning
2:24:34
it is comparatively easy for organizations to learn temporarily when
2:24:40
they are facing some kind of a crisis what is not so easy is to learn
2:24:46
continually we believe that groups can begin to
2:24:51
integrate A New Perspective about learning when it is seen more as an opportunity for individual and
2:24:58
Collective growth than simply a burden to be tolerated we have gained glimpses of how to teach
2:25:05
this but only glimpses build is a true Frontier
2:25:10
[Music]
2:25:29
part two wrestling with the complexity of
2:25:35
everyday life part of the complexity of life is that
2:25:42
at one in the same time we are individuals members of family and work
2:25:47
organizations and of society indeed it is almost arbitrary to
2:25:54
separate these categories but it is sometimes necessary to make such distinctions in order to talk about
2:26:01
anything in depth therefore as we begin to discuss some of
2:26:07
the complex choices we must make in our hearts and Minds let me Focus first upon
2:26:13
what I believe to be the most critical choice as always Consciousness precedes choice
2:26:22
without it there is no choice the single most important personal
2:26:28
choice that we can make is the choice of forever increasing consciousness
2:26:34
Consciousness however does not make choices easy to the contrary it multiplies the
2:26:41
options consider for example how we might deal with our anger
2:26:47
in the midbrain there are collections of nerve cells or centers that not only
2:26:53
govern but actually produce our powerful emotions one of these is an anger Center
2:27:02
in further along The Road Less Traveled I wrote that the anger Center in humans
2:27:07
Works in exactly the same way as it does in other creatures it is basically a territorial mechanism
2:27:14
firing off whenever any other creature impinges Upon Our territory
2:27:21
we are no different from a dog fighting another dog that wanders into its
2:27:26
territory except that for us human beings are definitions of territory or boundaries
2:27:33
are so complex and multifaceted not only do we have a geographical
2:27:40
territory and become angry when someone comes Uninvited onto our property and
2:27:45
starts picking our flowers but we also have a psychological territory and we
2:27:51
become angry whenever anyone criticizes us we also have a theological or an
2:27:58
ideological territory and we tend to become angry when anyone casts aspersions upon our belief systems even
2:28:06
when the critic is a stranger to us and speaking into a microphone thousands of
2:28:11
miles away we must learn a whole complex set of
2:28:17
ways of dealing with anger sometimes we need to think my anger is
2:28:22
silly and immature it's my fault where sometimes we should conclude this person
2:28:28
did impinge upon my territory but it was an accident and there's no reason to get
2:28:33
angry about it or well he did violate my territory a little bit but it's no big
2:28:39
deal it's not worth blowing up about but every once in a while after we think
2:28:45
about it for a couple of days we may discern that someone really did seriously violate our territory
2:28:52
then it may be necessary to go to that person and say listen I've got a real
2:28:58
bone to pick with you and sometimes it might even be necessary to get angry immediately and blast that
2:29:06
person right on the spot so there are at least five different
2:29:12
ways to respond when we're angry and we have to learn which response is
2:29:18
appropriate in any given situation this requires extraordinary
2:29:24
consciousness of what is going on both inside and outside of ourselves
2:29:30
it is no wonder that very few people learn how to deal well with their anger
2:29:35
before they are into their 30s or 40s and many never learn to do so
2:29:41
constructively to grow we must learn to discern between
2:29:47
that which is self-destructive and that which is self-constructive
2:29:52
when I was in practice after about five sessions I would no longer allow any of
2:29:59
my patients to use the word unselfish I would tell them that I was a totally
2:30:06
selfish human being who had never done anything for anyone else
2:30:11
when I watered my flowers I did not say to them oh look flowers what I'm doing
2:30:17
for you you ought to be grateful to me I was doing it because I liked pretty
2:30:22
flowers similarly when I extended myself for one
2:30:27
of my children it was because I like to have an image of myself in my mind as a
2:30:33
reasonably decent father and a reasonably honest man in order to maintain those two images
2:30:40
side by side with any Integrity every so often I had to extend myself beyond what
2:30:46
I might normally feel like doing besides I also like pretty children
2:30:54
the truth is that we rarely do anything without some gain or benefit to
2:30:59
ourselves however small or subtle selfishness isn't always a simple matter
2:31:07
what I would do was ask my patients to distinguish between the path of smart
2:31:13
selfishness and the path of stupid selfishness the path of stupid selfishness is the
2:31:20
path of trying to avoid all pain the path of smart selfishness is trying
2:31:26
to discern which pain or suffering particularly emotional suffering is
2:31:32
constructive and which is unconstructive my preferred words for constructive and
2:31:40
unconstructive suffering are respectively existential and neurotic
2:31:47
existential is that which is an inherent part of existence and cannot be
2:31:54
legitimately avoided such as the suffering involved in growing up and
2:31:59
learning to be independent the suffering involved in learning how to become interdependent
2:32:05
and even dependent again the suffering that is associated with loss and giving up the suffering of old
2:32:12
age and dying from all of these kinds of suffering we
2:32:18
have a great deal to learn neurotic suffering on the other hand is
2:32:24
that emotional suffering which is not an inherent part of existence it is unconstructive and unnecessary and
2:32:32
rather than enhancing our existence impedes it what we need to do with neurotic
2:32:39
suffering is get rid of it just as quickly as possible because it is like carrying 98 golf clubs around the course
2:32:47
and all you need is 10 or 12 to play a perfectly good game
2:32:53
a significant part of the existential suffering of life is the suffering
2:32:58
involved in constantly Discerning or choosing what we are responsible for and
2:33:05
what we are not responsible for and maintaining a healthy balance
2:33:11
character disordered person avoids that existential suffering what may not be so
2:33:17
obvious is that the neurotic also does by simply assuming that everything is
2:33:24
her responsibility she will ultimately suffer more through neurotic suffering
2:33:30
even though she does avoid the existential suffering of having to make
2:33:35
choices the kind of suffering that may be involved in saying to people no I'm
2:33:41
drawing the line discipline is the means for solving
2:33:47
life's problems all discipline is a form of submission
2:33:52
the discipline to discern what we are or are not responsible for is most crucial
2:34:00
since we must go through the existential suffering of choosing when and what to
2:34:07
submit to and what not to submit to whether it is to our own egos to love to
2:34:14
God or even to the forces of evil ultimately we have to choose whether or
2:34:21
not to submit to God and indeed even choose the kind of God that we are going
2:34:27
to submit to the term higher power was coined or at
2:34:34
least initially popularized by the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
2:34:40
in a world waiting to be born I wrote that the term implies that there is something higher than us as individuals
2:34:48
and that it is appropriate to submit ourselves to that something higher be it
2:34:54
love light truth or God thy will not mine be done is a glorious
2:35:02
expression of desire for such submission and the key word is Will
2:35:09
God is light God is love God is truth people need not be Believers in God but
2:35:15
if they are to be healthy they must submit themselves to these attributes of
2:35:21
God submission to the light might be defined as submission to the choice of
2:35:27
Consciousness and hence sight both external sight and particularly insight
2:35:36
then there is the choice of whether to submit to love or not in The Road Less Traveled I defined love
2:35:42
as the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own or
2:35:48
another's spiritual growth this definition is an acknowledgment
2:35:54
that love is far broader than romance marriage or parenting
2:36:01
there are numerous paradoxes related to love that test the myths and common
2:36:07
thinking in our culture for instance we have all been told that
2:36:12
it is better to give than to receive I believe it would be more appropriate
2:36:19
to say that it is just as good to receive as it is to give yet many have
2:36:26
neurotic guilt over this issue and feel compelled to live up to cultural or
2:36:32
religious ideals about charity that potentially promote more bitterness and
2:36:37
friction Than Love in the true sins we have also been taught that love is
2:36:43
gentle love is kind and yet there are times when we must display what is called tough love
2:36:51
the reality is that we cannot love well if we are constantly extending ourselves
2:36:57
to others and not nurturing ourselves submission to love does not mean being a
2:37:05
doormat due to cultural indoctrination many people equate love with doing
2:37:12
they feel they have to do something simply because of their own or others expectations
2:37:19
the Paradox is that many times just doing nothing just being who you are
2:37:25
rather than constantly focusing on what you do is the more loving approach
2:37:32
along with the choice of how much and what kinds of responsibility we will
2:37:38
assume we must also face the choice of vocation to most people vocation simply means
2:37:46
what one does for a living one's occupation or career secular definition of vocation usually
2:37:54
implies only income producing activity the religious definition however is more
2:38:01
literal yet far more complex it literally means calling
2:38:08
in this sense vocation implies a relationship for if someone is called
2:38:14
something must be doing the calling I believe this something is God
2:38:21
calls us human beings whether Skeptics or Believers to certain often very
2:38:28
specific activities it is quite obvious that while one
2:38:33
person may be called to be a homemaker another may be called to be a lawyer a scientist or an advertising executive
2:38:42
there are different kinds of career callings and for many there are
2:38:47
sequential callings but what is less obvious are the spiritual and ethical issues relevant to
2:38:54
one's vocation as a scientist am I called to work on weapons development as a lawyer am I
2:39:02
called to defend someone I suspect is guilty as a gynecologist do I or do I not
2:39:08
perform abortions just as some discover that certain aspects of their vocation do not fit or
2:39:16
feel right to them others spend years even a lifetime fleeing their true
2:39:22
vocation a 40 year old sergeant major in the Army once consulted me for a mild depression
2:39:29
that he ascribed to an upcoming reassignment to Germany in two weeks time
2:39:35
he and his family were sick and tired of moving he claimed it was unusual for top ranking enlisted
2:39:43
men or officers to seek psychiatric consultation especially for such a minor
2:39:49
condition several other things were also extraordinary about this man
2:39:55
people do not get to be sergeant majors without considerable intelligence and
2:40:01
competence but my patient exuded wit and gentility as well
2:40:07
somehow I was not surprised to learn that painting was his Hobby
2:40:12
he struck me as being artistic after he told me he had been in the
2:40:17
service for 22 years I asked him since you're so fed up with moving why don't
2:40:23
you retire I wouldn't know what to do with myself he replied
2:40:28
you could paint as much as you wanted I suggested no that's just a hobby he said it's not
2:40:37
something I could make a living at I requested that he brings samples of
2:40:42
his most recent paintings to our next appointment the following week he brought two one in oil and the other
2:40:50
watercolor both were magnificent they were modern
2:40:55
imaginative even flamboyant with an extraordinarily effective use of shape
2:41:01
shade and color when I inquired he said that he did three or four paintings a year but never
2:41:08
attempted to sell any of them only gave them away to friends look I said you've got real talent I
2:41:17
know it's a competitive field but these are salable painting ought to be more than just a
2:41:22
hobby for you talents a subjective judgment he demured
2:41:28
so I'm the only one who's ever told you you have real talent no but if you keep
2:41:33
looking up in the sky your feet are bound to stumble I then told him it seemed obvious that
2:41:40
he had a problem with underachievement probably rooted either in some kind of
2:41:45
fear of failure or fear of success or both I offered to obtain for him a medical
2:41:52
release from his assignment so that he could stay on post and we could work together exploring the roots of his
2:41:59
problem but he was adamant that it was his duty to proceed to Germany
2:42:05
I advised him how to get Psychotherapy over there but I doubt he took my advice
2:42:11
I suspect his resistance to his obvious vocation was so great that he would
2:42:16
never follow the call no matter how clear or loud
2:42:22
given our free will we have a choice to refuse to heed God's calling for us
2:42:29
the fact that we have a vocation doesn't necessarily mean that we will follow it
2:42:34
conversely the fact that we want to do something or even have a talent for it
2:42:40
doesn't necessarily mean that it is what God wants us to do
2:42:47
yet another important choice we have in our individual lives is the choice of
2:42:53
how to regard the things that happen I am thinking especially of the happy
2:42:58
surprises we didn't expect it is easy to take a lot for granted in
2:43:04
this life including good luck and unexpected gifts indeed in this remarkably secular age we
2:43:13
are actually encouraged to think in terms of luck as if Good Fortune has no
2:43:19
more meaning than a roll of the dice yet there is another way to look at good
2:43:25
luck and unexpected gifts this Theory posits a superhuman Giver
2:43:30
God who likes to give gifts to human creatures because he particularly loves
2:43:36
us whether this God has anything to do with the downpours in our lives is uncertain
2:43:43
although in retrospect they often seem to have been blessings in disguise
2:43:49
as to those things that are recognizable gifts some of us see a pattern of beneficence
2:43:56
to them far greater and more constant than any pattern of misfortune
2:44:01
for this beneficent pattern of gift giving we have a name Grace
2:44:08
if something is earned it is not a true gift Grace however is unearned
2:44:16
it is for free it is gratis the words Grace Gratis and gratitude
2:44:23
flow into one another if you perceive Grace you will naturally
2:44:29
feel grateful a story told to me by a famous preacher
2:44:34
involved a Young Yankee who on a business trip had to drive through the
2:44:40
south for the first time in his life he had driven all night and was in a
2:44:45
hurry by the time he arrived in South Carolina he was really hungry and
2:44:50
stopped at a Roadside Diner he ordered a breakfast of scrambled eggs and sausage and so was taken by surprise
2:44:59
when his order came back and there was a white blob of something on the plate
2:45:05
what's that he asked the waitress why them's grits sir she replied
2:45:13
but I didn't order them he said you don't order gritsa she responded
2:45:19
they just come and that said the preacher is very much
2:45:24
like Grace is like grits you don't order it it just
2:45:30
comes in my experience the ability to
2:45:36
appreciate pleasant surprises as gifts tends to be good for one's Mental Health
2:45:43
those who perceive Grace in the world are more likely to be grateful than
2:45:48
those who don't and grateful people are more likely to be happy than ungrateful ones
2:45:56
they are also more likely to make others happy feeling given to by the world they feel
2:46:03
predisposed to give back to the world an attitude of gratitude may not
2:46:11
entirely be a matter of choice indeed it is my belief that a grateful
2:46:17
heart is itself a gift in other words the capacity to
2:46:23
appreciate gifts is a gift it is also the greatest blessing a human
2:46:29
being May possess other than a strong will but that doesn't mean that a grateful
2:46:35
heart cannot be nurtured by choice the final choice of Our Lives on this
2:46:42
Earth is whether or not we go out in style it's not a matter of whether to die but
2:46:49
how we have a lifetime to prepare but unfortunately the denial of Aging in
2:46:57
our culture goes hand in love with the denial of death as I make clear in my forthcoming book
2:47:04
denial of the Soul when I say dying in style I do not mean taking the root of
2:47:12
euthanasia euthanasia basically involves trying to
2:47:17
make something clean that is inherently messy it is in my opinion an attempt to
2:47:25
shortcut the existential and legitimate suffering of dying thereby shortcutting
2:47:31
the opportunity for Learning and growth to die gracefully I believe is to make
2:47:38
the choice to see dying as a learning opportunity and to welcome the stripping
2:47:44
away of Life as a cleansing so that the true Dignity of the Soul can shine
2:47:50
through death is the ultimate emptiness but there are other kinds of emptiness
2:47:56
that we can deliberately choose throughout life there are many varieties of emptiness
2:48:02
but the most important and the easiest to speak about without getting too mystical is the emptiness of not knowing
2:48:11
despite living in a society that appears to push a know-it-all mentality and
2:48:17
label those who don't always seem to be in the know as incompetence we still
2:48:23
have a choice to not know without feeling incompetent or guilty about it
2:48:29
in fact there are times in each of Our Lives when it is not only proper but
2:48:35
healing to give up thinking we know all the answers
2:48:40
although there is no certain formula there is a guideline to help but particularly difficult times in life
2:48:47
when we seem to have no idea what step to take next or whom to turn to
2:48:54
it is to recognize that the unconscious is always one step ahead of the
2:49:00
conscious mind the problem is we don't know whether it's a head in the right direction or
2:49:06
the wrong direction we don't always know if that's still Small Voice we hear is the voice of the
2:49:14
Holy Spirit or Satan or just our glands
2:49:19
it is therefore impossible ever to know that what we are doing is right at the
2:49:25
time since knowing is a function of consciousness however if your will is steadfastly to
2:49:33
the good and if you are willing to suffer fully when the good seems ambiguous which to me seems about 98.7
2:49:42
percent of the time then you're unconscious will always be one step
2:49:47
ahead of your conscious mind in the right direction in other words you will do the right
2:49:54
thing but you won't have the luxury of knowing it at the time you are doing it
2:50:00
indeed you will do the right thing precisely because you've been willing to
2:50:05
forgo that luxury and if this guideline seems obscure then
2:50:11
you might want to remember that almost all of the evil in this world is committed by people who are absolutely
2:50:18
certain that they know what they're doing
2:50:24
we may think that we make personal life choices as individuals
2:50:29
as if the individual more or less existed in isolation legality is that we do not so exist
2:50:39
we human beings are social creatures and virtually all of our choices are made
2:50:45
under the influence and in the context of the various organizations in which we
2:50:51
participate by organizations I do not mean simply business organizations
2:50:59
families are organizations and many of the principles that hold true for
2:51:04
families also hold true for businesses and vice versa
2:51:09
on the largest scale our whole society is an organization
2:51:15
on the smallest every single social relationship we have is an organization
2:51:22
if the decisions we make affected only ourselves we could simply do whatever we
2:51:28
want to do take responsibility for it and deal with the consequences of our
2:51:33
actions but when others are involved this brings us very clearly into the realm of ethics
2:51:40
and the matter of Civility all that is generally meant these days
2:51:46
by civility is mere superficial politeness but the fact of the matter is that
2:51:53
people have been politely stabbing each other in the back and politely hurting each other for God knows how long
2:52:00
I was helped to arrive at a more meaningful definition of Civility by an
2:52:06
Englishman of the last century Oliver Hereford who is famed for saying a
2:52:12
gentleman is someone who never hurts another person's feelings unintentionally
2:52:19
what that meant to me is that sometimes it may be necessary to hurt another person's feelings but the key element is
2:52:27
that of intention meaning to be aware of what you are doing
2:52:33
such awareness requires consciousness so in my book on the subject a world
2:52:39
waiting to be born I Define civility not as mere superficial politeness but as
2:52:46
consciously motivated organizational behavior that is ethical in submission
2:52:52
to a higher power it can be assumed that anyone who has
2:52:58
made the choice to be conscious wants to be a civil person
2:53:03
but there is a major problem here in order to be civil we must not only be
2:53:09
conscious of our own motivations but also conscious of the organization or
2:53:15
system in which we are acting civility requires organizational as well
2:53:21
as individual consciousness consequently if we aspire to ever
2:53:26
greater civility we must increasingly think in terms of systems
2:53:33
the most enjoyable part of my medical school education was the study of
2:53:38
microscopic Anatomy all external appearances to the contrary
2:53:43
our bodies are mostly water consequently when you look at thin
2:53:49
slices of our organs under a microscope you cannot see much except pallid
2:53:55
indistinguishable filaments but if you take these same slices soak
2:54:01
them for a while in selected dyes and look again suddenly you have entered a fairyland a
2:54:09
garden of delights compared to which Disneyland is downright incipit
2:54:15
no matter what our age station or even state of health at this level we are all
2:54:22
very beautiful on the inside gradually as I peered at one beautiful
2:54:29
cell after another something dawned on me each and every cell was not only a
2:54:36
system in itself but also a minuscule part of a larger even more complex
2:54:42
system the absorbing Villi cells the smooth muscle cells and the connective tissue
2:54:49
cells holding them together we're all an integrated part of an organ in this case the small intestine
2:54:57
the small intestine in turn was part of the digestive system and the digestive system was integrated
2:55:05
with other systems of the body then I realized that since each
2:55:10
individual cell was a component of an organ and each individual organ a component of a body system and each such
2:55:18
system a component of the body as a whole was it not possible that my body
2:55:24
was also part of a larger system in other words might I my individual
2:55:31
self be but a single cell of an organ of some gigantic organism
2:55:38
of course as a fledgling physician I was connected
2:55:43
directly or indirectly to countless other individual human cells to my
2:55:49
parents who paid my tuition to the older Physicians who taught me
2:55:54
to the laboratory technicians who conducted the tests I ordered to
2:55:59
hospital administrators to manufacturers who made the equipment I used to the
2:56:05
patients I used that equipment on to growers in Mississippi and California
2:56:10
Who Sold cotton to the North Carolina textile workers who made the clothes I
2:56:16
wore to ranchers in Kansas who grew the beef and farmers in New Jersey who grew
2:56:22
the lettuce I ate to the truck drivers who transported all these things to me
2:56:27
to my landlord to the barber who cut my hair and on and on
2:56:35
so it was although I had not yet even heard the term that I became a
2:56:41
Foursquare believer in systems theory the basic tenet of systems theory which
2:56:48
is actually not a theory but a fact is that everything is a system
2:56:54
our Earth is of course a part of the solar system and as we begin to reach even further
2:57:01
out into space we will probably perceive a systemic nature to the galaxies and
2:57:07
the universe itself beyond the fact that everything that exists is part of a system systems
2:57:15
theory also holds that if you change one component of the system all the other
2:57:22
parts must also change but even with a relatively Advanced
2:57:27
degree of Consciousness most of us remain remarkably unconscious of the
2:57:33
complex organizations and social systems to which we belong
2:57:39
the fact is there is no way that we can evolve into a more Civil Society until
2:57:47
ever greater numbers of us are willing to make the choice not only for personal
2:57:52
Consciousness but also to think in terms of whole systems
2:57:59
I have a friend who is one of the first American Pilots shot down and captured
2:58:05
by the North Vietnamese in the early days of his seven-year captivity he and his fellow prisoners of
2:58:13
War were systematically tortured in an extraordinary book about his
2:58:19
experiences he made it quite clear that his captors were engaging in fully
2:58:24
conscious organizational behavior they knew exactly what they were doing
2:58:30
they knew that anyone will break under enough pain and that their torture would
2:58:36
extract confessions no matter how false useful for propaganda purposes and
2:58:44
serving their organizational mission even those who were horrified by the
2:58:50
incivility of America's prosecution of the visitor torture to have been a civil
2:58:55
response or in any way Justified so civility is something more than
2:59:02
organizational behavior that is merely consciously motivated it must be ethical
2:59:08
as well in dealing with the ethical complexities that confront individuals and
2:59:15
organizations I have found the distinction between code ethics and
2:59:20
situation ethics to be helpful almost essential code ethics are derived from various
2:59:28
ethical prescriptions that have been in use throughout history the earliest known is the code of
2:59:35
hamirabbai far better known to us are the Ten Commandments
2:59:41
what such codes do is to pronounce certain acts to be bad wrong or
2:59:47
unpermissible under any circumstances for instance one of the Ten Commandments
2:59:54
States Thou shalt not kill it doesn't say thou shalt not kill
3:00:00
except in time of war or Thou shalt not kill except in self-defense
3:00:06
it says Thou shalt not kill period no ifs ands or buts
3:00:14
the basic tenet of situation ethics however is that no ethical judgment can
3:00:20
be made about any Act without consideration of the circumstances under which it occurs
3:00:26
unlike the Ten Commandments situation ethics would allow for killing in such
3:00:32
circumstances as wartime and self-defense I heartily support the movement of
3:00:39
society and of individuals in their own personal decision-making towards
3:00:45
situational ethics as a psychiatrist I am very familiar
3:00:50
with the fact that rigid code ethics often have inhumane consequences
3:00:56
but there are two caveats to be considered one is that the use of situation ethics
3:01:03
means that there are no formulas and healthy individuals have the
3:01:09
responsibility to reconsider their behavior each time the situation changes
3:01:15
ever so slightly my other caveat is that I do not want to
3:01:21
imply that code ethics are useless for instance I'm not sure we would even
3:01:27
attempt to discriminate between just and unjust wars were it not for the
3:01:34
existence of a persisting code ethic that states Thou shalt not kill
3:01:42
there are several important ways of looking at the relationship between individuals and organizations
3:01:49
one is to recognize the difference between dependence and collaboration
3:01:56
in The Road Less Traveled I noted that we all have dependency needs and
3:02:01
feelings but these do not constitute love and that to be driven by them is to fall
3:02:08
into the terrible trap of dependency it is a trap because it leaves the
3:02:14
dependent individual with a continual feeling that he cannot be whole or happy
3:02:20
without the almost constant attention of other people at the time I wrote The Road Less
3:02:27
Traveled I myself was still operating to some degree under the ethic of good old
3:02:33
American rugged individualism and as I mentioned earlier the problem
3:02:39
with the ethic of rugged individualism is that it neglects the other side of the coin
3:02:45
in the different drum written seven years later I denounced this simplistic
3:02:51
one-sided non-paradoxical and therefore fallacious ethic and in talking about Community
3:02:58
began to Champion interdependence my most dramatic examples of the virtues
3:03:06
of interdependence have come from my work in helping groups build community
3:03:11
but let me also sing its Praises in the smallest of organizations
3:03:17
marriage over the years Lily and I have come to
3:03:22
appreciate each other's very different styles as gifts and have slowly begun to
3:03:28
incorporate the other's gifts into ourselves as a consequence she and I are gradually
3:03:36
becoming more whole as individuals but this would not have been possible
3:03:41
had we not first come to terms with our individual limitations and recognize the
3:03:48
value of our interdependence the only problem with the word interdependence is that it may suggest
3:03:55
to some codependency a fashionable word this past decade
3:04:01
codependency refers to a relationship in which the partners cater to and thereby
3:04:07
encourage each other's weaknesses so it may be helpful to think of
3:04:13
interdependence in terms of another word collaboration laboring together
3:04:21
when collaboration is poor in an organization the system can look quite
3:04:27
ugly but when the collaboration is good not only is the organization efficient but
3:04:34
its system can be so beautiful to behold that it approaches a kind of mystical
3:04:40
Glory interdependence does not necessarily mean that the collaborating individuals
3:04:47
have different roles usually however it does and whenever
3:04:52
there are different roles in an organization two important factors immediately come into play
3:04:59
accountability and structure in our marriage I am able to depend upon
3:05:06
Lily for most of the home making because she not only does it but does it well
3:05:12
and she can depend upon me for the money making for the same reason
3:05:18
we play these roles well because we consider ourselves responsible for doing
3:05:24
so in other words we hold ourselves and each other accountable
3:05:31
on the negative side accountability implies that someone is subject to being
3:05:36
judged on the positive side it implies that the accountable person is trusted
3:05:43
we're Lilly to significantly fail to perform her homemaking role where she no
3:05:49
longer accountable I could no longer trust her to fulfill that role and would
3:05:55
have to step in and take over such a takeover would be natural and
3:06:00
simple if her loss of accountability was due to a temporary physical illness
3:06:05
for instance when she had a breast abscess following the birth of our third child it was the most natural thing in
3:06:13
the world for me to take over the care of that infant and our two other young children
3:06:19
had that not been a temporary condition however it would have meant a major
3:06:24
restructuring of our marriage so differing roles and accountabilities
3:06:31
imply structure within a small but not necessarily
3:06:36
simple organization like marriage the roles and structure may be relatively
3:06:42
informal but the larger and more complex the organization becomes the more it is
3:06:48
essential that the accountability structure be formalized
3:06:54
Whenever there is accountability structured into a system be it as small as a marriage or as large as a
3:07:01
corporation there is also an authority structure this doesn't mean that Authority can't
3:07:07
be shared for instance the money Lily and I save is split equally between us any
3:07:15
important decision about the children and about major Investments or expenses
3:07:20
we have always made conjointly nonetheless as individuals we each have
3:07:27
limited Authority within our own domains our marriage is in no way hierarchical
3:07:35
although there is a system of accountability neither of us is the overall boss
3:07:42
but there is no way in larger systems such as businesses that you can have a
3:07:47
structure of accountability without a chain of command what that chain of command will look
3:07:54
like can vary considerably but somewhere The Buck has to stop
3:08:00
because they have had unpleasant experiences with hierarchical authority systems there is a tendency on the part
3:08:07
of many people to distrust all structure they need to guard against such a tended
3:08:50
pet specifically we must come to learn how
3:08:56
to think paradoxically because we will encounter Paradox when reason becomes
3:09:01
integrated with the Holy conjunction reason alone will not make sense of such
3:09:07
a teaching as whoever will save his life shall lose it and whoever shall lose his
3:09:13
life will find it in my primary identity as a scientist I
3:09:21
want and like proof being as much a logical sort as a
3:09:27
mystical one I expect statistical proof whenever possible to convince me of most
3:09:33
things but I've become more and more impressed by the frequency of statistically highly
3:09:39
improbable events in their very improbability I gradually began to see the Fingerprints of God
3:09:48
on the basis of such events in my own life and in the lives of patience I know
3:09:54
that Grace is real there is a pattern to these highly
3:09:59
improbable events such that almost all seem to have a beneficial outcome
3:10:05
I had stumbled upon a synonym for Grace serendipity
3:10:11
Webster's Dictionary defines Serendipity as the gift of finding valuable or
3:10:18
agreeable things not sought for one of the reasons many people resist
3:10:24
Grace is because we are not fully aware of its presence we don't find valuable things not sought
3:10:32
for because we fail to appreciate the value of the gift when it is given to us
3:10:37
and consequently we failed to take full advantage of it I have come to believe that the
3:10:45
commonality of Grace or Serendipity indicates that these phenomena are part
3:10:50
of or manifestations of a single phenomenon a powerful force originating
3:10:57
outside of human consciousness which nurtures the spiritual growth of human
3:11:03
beings we who are properly skeptical and scientific minded may be inclined to
3:11:10
dismiss this Force since we can't touch it and have no decent way to measure it
3:11:16
yet it exists it is real I believe that the radical healing
3:11:22
influence of Grace is also manifested to us through revelation
3:11:28
whenever something happens that is beyond coincidence the chances are great that the hand of God is at work
3:11:36
but does God actually ever directly speak to us or reveal himself to us
3:11:43
the answer is yes the most common way is through her still
3:11:49
small voice my clearest recent encounter with God's
3:11:55
still Small Voice occurred in early fall 1995. after I had completed the first
3:12:01
draft of my novel in heaven as on Earth and it had been accepted for publication
3:12:08
the moment for rewriting was upon me and I had a problem in the first draft I'd used myself as
3:12:16
the main character and I was certain this needed to be changed in the second draft
3:12:22
for the rewriting I needed to improve the development of the character
3:12:28
yet I've never been very good at stepping outside of myself moreover the nature of the plot demanded
3:12:35
that the main character be a man very much like me specifically someone who
3:12:40
was an intellectual with psychiatric training and an amateur Theologian to
3:12:46
boot it was a problem indeed and I had not the faintest idea how to solve it
3:12:53
it was at this point one afternoon when I was working on something else and my
3:12:58
problem was on the back burner that I heard a still Small Voice say read the
3:13:04
book of Daniel like almost every school child I knew
3:13:09
that Daniel was a prophet who for some reason had been thrown into the lion's den and managed by God's grace to
3:13:16
survive beyond that I knew nothing I had never read the book of Daniel I had never had
3:13:23
any intention to and I had absolutely no idea why this voice should be telling me
3:13:29
to read it I shook my head and returned to dictating letters
3:13:35
the next afternoon while searching for some papers in my wife's office The Voice came back
3:13:42
read the book of Daniel it repeated this time I did not shake my head
3:13:49
somewhat experienced with the voice of the holy spirit's capacity for persistence I recognize that God might
3:13:56
be nudging me towards something although God only knew what or why
3:14:01
still I was in no hurry at noon the following day while taking
3:14:07
my daily walk The Voice came back in an even more insistent form of a question
3:14:14
Scotty when are you going to read the book of Daniel it asked
3:14:20
so as soon as I returned I pulled down one of our Bibles and read the book of
3:14:25
Daniel I learned many things but the most useful thing for me at that moment was
3:14:32
the realization that there were dramatic parallels between Daniel and myself
3:14:38
although far more courageous faithful and Noble than I he too was clearly an
3:14:44
intellectual As an interpreter of Dreams he became something of a psychiatrist and later as
3:14:52
a prophet something of a theologian so it was that my own life had evolved
3:14:58
and it quickly dawned on me that I had the solution to my problem
3:15:03
henceforth the central character of my novel would be a Daniel not Scotty
3:15:10
and both the similarities and differences between us allowed me to
3:15:15
step outside of myself in a myriad of little ways to make that character believable
3:15:22
in this case I received not a solution but the gift of a path to the solution
3:15:28
of my problem the gift made no sense to me I was unaware that it had any relation to my
3:15:36
problem it was a path I would not ordinarily have followed I did not welcome it indeed my first
3:15:44
reaction was to reject the gift because it seemed so alien to my ego
3:15:50
it's no wonder that many feel so confused about Discerning Revelations
3:15:56
the closeness between this voice and an ordinary thought calls for a note of
3:16:02
caution one would be ill-advised to go around describing all or most of his thoughts
3:16:09
to the word of God it can quickly lead to insanity
3:16:14
but there are some guidelines for discernment first it's important to take time unless
3:16:22
you are in an emergency situation to reality tests whether it might be the
3:16:27
voice of the Holy Spirit or merely your own thought and you will have that time
3:16:34
indeed if you disregard the voice at first it will almost always repeat
3:16:39
itself as did mine about Daniel secondly this voice of the Holy Spirit
3:16:46
or comforter as Jesus called it is always constructive never destructive
3:16:54
it may call upon you to do something different and that may feel slightly risky but it won't be a major risk
3:17:02
if you hear a voice telling you to kill yourself to cheat or steal or to blow
3:17:08
all your life savings on a yacht get yourself to a psychiatrist
3:17:13
on the other hand the voice will usually seem just a little bit crazy
3:17:19
this is what distinguishes it from your own thought there is a faintly alien quality to it
3:17:26
as if it came from somewhere else which it does the Holy Spirit doesn't need to speak to
3:17:34
us to tell us something we already know or to push us in ways we don't need to
3:17:40
be pushed one of the other ways God speaks to us
3:17:45
attempts to nurture us is through some of our dreams particularly those that
3:17:52
call Young labeled Big Dreams when I was in practice some of my
3:17:57
patients aware that dreams could contain answers to their problems avidly sought
3:18:02
these answers by deliberately mechanically and with considerable effort recording each and every one of
3:18:09
their dreams in complete detail but in addition to there not being enough time in therapy to analyze most
3:18:16
dreams I found that their voluminous dream material could serve to prevent work in more fruitful areas of analysis
3:18:25
such patients had to be taught to stop searching after their dreams and to let
3:18:30
their dreams come to them to let their unconscious make the choice of which dreams should enter consciousness
3:18:38
once a patient learned to make no conscious effort to clutch at dreams the
3:18:44
remembered dream material not only could decrease in quantity but also dramatically increase in quality
3:18:53
the result then could be an opportunity for the patient's dreams these gifts
3:18:58
from the unconscious now no longer sought for to elegantly facilitate the
3:19:04
healing process that was desired this is what Jung meant by a big dream
3:19:10
it is one which almost shrieks to us remember me
3:19:16
when I rode in The Road Less Traveled that the purpose of growth was for us to become more conscious and in turn evolve
3:19:24
I suggested that this evolutionary path in human life points directly to God
3:19:31
God wants us to learn and develop in this life and I believe actually
3:19:37
nurtures Us in doing so but when I went on to suggest that God
3:19:43
ultimately wants us to evolve toward becoming God like God that statement caused a great
3:19:50
deal of theological indigestion it seemed to be a potentially satanic
3:19:56
notion after all did not Satan think he could be like God or as good as God
3:20:04
I could have prevented much of this indigestion had I gone on to write about the great Paradox involved
3:20:12
the Paradox is that we ourselves cannot become like God except by bumping
3:20:19
ourselves off except through the humility of emptiness
3:20:25
there is an important word in theology for this endeavor kenosis which is defined as the process
3:20:34
of the self emptying itself of self it is the essence of the message of the
3:20:41
great spiritual Masters like Buddha and Christ throughout human history
3:20:47
we need to pair away our egos to know the truth of the Paradox whoever loses
3:20:54
his life for my sake will find it the image used in Christianity for the
3:21:01
goal of the canonic process is that of the empty vessel
3:21:06
we need to retain enough of our ego the governing part of our personality to be
3:21:13
a functioning container otherwise we would have no identity at all beyond that however the whole point of
3:21:21
spiritual growth is to get rid of our ego sufficiently in order to become empty enough to be filled with God's
3:21:28
spirit with our true soul everyone prays
3:21:35
the most die-hard secularists prey in moments of Agony or ecstasy even if they
3:21:41
are not aware of it instinctively they will cry out during orgasm
3:21:47
oh God or o Christ similarly when they are lying in bed
3:21:53
racked with the flu every bone aching they're likely to moan oh God
3:22:00
or their thoughts turned to God in moments of Terror which has led to the famous saying there are no atheists in
3:22:08
the Foxhole one of the differences between secularists and those of religious or
3:22:15
spiritual persuasion is that the latter occasionally think about God during the
3:22:21
99.5 percent of the time when we're not in agony or ecstasy
3:22:28
but what is prayer most people think of prayer as simply speaking to God
3:22:34
this definition is not all that bad as long as we realize that there are innumerable ways of speaking to God
3:22:43
hence such prayer can be divided into many types group prayer and individual
3:22:49
prayer formal and informal prayer prayers of praise and adoration and
3:22:55
gratitude prayers of repentance and forgiveness petitionary prayers for others or for
3:23:03
oneself Etc I would also like to include meditation as prayer and again there are many kinds
3:23:10
of meditation I believe the best forms are those when we deliberately quiet and empty
3:23:17
ourselves in order to be able to listen to God or for God
3:23:24
this doesn't mean that God will answer spiritual experiences are actually
3:23:30
unlikely to happen to one when praying but there is a sense many of us have
3:23:36
that an active prayer life increases the chances of having and identifying
3:23:41
spiritual experiences at other times then there is the matter of thinking and
3:23:48
its relationship to prayer thinking well can and does merge into
3:23:55
prayer although not wholly adequate my favorite definition of prayer one that doesn't
3:24:01
even mention God is that of Matthew Fox who defined it as a radical response to
3:24:09
the mysteries of life most of my time at prayer I am not so
3:24:15
much talking to God or listening to God as I am just thinking but doing so with
3:24:22
God in mind before I can respond radically to the
3:24:27
mysteries of life I have to think about them deeply as well as think about the
3:24:32
mysteries of my own life and the whole range of potential options of response
3:24:38
to them God I wonder how this looks to you
3:24:43
through your eyes I am pondering this type of prayer is often referred to
3:24:50
as contemplative prayer and usually it is wordless
3:24:56
I used to think that Faith preceded prayer and that only those with a great
3:25:01
deal of Faith would pray a great deal some years ago however I ran across an
3:25:08
ancient Christian motto so ancient that it was in Latin Lex or Randy Lex credenti which
3:25:17
translated means the rule of prayer precedes the rule of faith
3:25:23
in other words I had things reversed the deeper truth is that if one prays a
3:25:30
lot then and only then will one be likely to grow in faith
3:25:37
we also need to glance briefly at a phenomenon that could be called the
3:25:42
testing of Faith which may occur to any religious person at a time of crisis
3:25:49
usually the crisis is survived and the faith survives with it
3:25:55
but there is another type of testing that is actually more predictable and most likely to occur to highly developed
3:26:03
spiritual people for this phenomenon Saint John of the cross in the 16th century coined the
3:26:10
phrase The Dark Knight of the Soul The Dark Knight of the Soul refers to a
3:26:18
point where God seems to have become totally absent and often for a prolonged
3:26:23
period of time to the person experiencing this crisis the still Small Voice she has come to
3:26:31
distinguish his Gods seems to have faded or stopped altogether
3:26:37
might God deliberately make herself inaccessible it is conceivable when we think of how
3:26:43
appropriate it is that a mature Faith needs to be tested
3:26:49
in what return can I make republished as gifts for the journey I used the analogy
3:26:55
of a young child perhaps two years of age who will have no trouble believing
3:27:00
in mummy's presence and care when she is right there in the room with him but he will become panicked when he
3:27:08
can't see her and begin to think that she no longer exists as his faith in her is so tested over
3:27:15
several years however he will slowly come to learn that she has other concerns to tend to
3:27:22
gradually he will realize that mummy is probably just down the hall making his
3:27:27
bed that she is not truly vanished or abandoned him that she is still actively
3:27:33
loving and caring for him only in a different manner than that which he had originally counted on
3:27:41
certainly by the time they have reached the Dark Night of the Soul most of the
3:27:46
faithful remain faithful they continue to pray and praise the seemingly absent
3:27:53
God as did job by and large their motto might be that of Jesus on
3:27:59
the cross when he cried out my God my God why have you forsaken me
3:28:05
but it was still God that Jesus was calling to praying to
3:28:13
it may also help them to know that more than a few designated Saints who are not
3:28:18
Martyrs who died in bed spent their last days months or years in
3:28:24
the dark night before they moved on many of us secularists and spiritual
3:28:32
people alike questioned the existence of God most when we look at our world and
3:28:38
ask why there is so much pain and suffering and downright evil
3:28:43
why aren't things perfect it is simply not enough to answer God's
3:28:49
ways are mysterious no answer can be offered with certainty
3:28:55
but I'd like to discuss one relatively modern speculative addition to the more
3:29:01
ancient traditional view of God Theory which posits that God is omnipotent
3:29:08
I believe that God has to operate within constraints even if they are the
3:29:14
constraints that he himself created the moment God granted Us free will was
3:29:20
the moment that human evil was let loose in the world as well as human goodness
3:29:26
having once granted Us free will God is no longer omnipotent
3:29:31
he has constrained himself and no matter how much it might hurt him in most
3:29:37
respects he simply has to let us be I don't mean to imply that God is
3:29:44
totally helpless what I do mean to imply is that God is Not So omnipotent that she doesn't have
3:29:51
to operate within the constraints of this natural order of illness aging
3:29:57
death and physical Decay or within the more terrible constraints of allowing
3:30:03
human evil even on such a mass scale as the Holocaust
3:30:09
and equally important addendum to the god theory has come over the course of
3:30:14
the past 50 years to be known as process theology
3:30:19
it challenges the traditional notion of a God who is a static unchanging being
3:30:26
it suggests that like all living beings God is in process living suffering and
3:30:34
growing right alongside of us albeit just a step or two ahead of us
3:30:41
insofar as God is a Creator why shouldn't she be an experimenter every
3:30:47
bit as much as a human scientist albeit a bit more imaginative sophisticated and
3:30:54
artistic we scientists are generally comfortable with the fact that many if not most of
3:31:02
our experiments fail that is they are trials there is always room for improvement
3:31:10
might we not look upon a highly imperfect even Evil Soul as a failed
3:31:17
experiment we also know that we have as much to learn from failed experiments as from
3:31:25
successful ones they are what send us back to the drawing board and perhaps they do so for
3:31:32
God also this new concept of process theology is
3:31:38
so critically important not only because it adds a large piece to the puzzle of
3:31:44
imperfection even evil in the world but also because it implies that it is good
3:31:49
for people to be in a state of change the same holds true for our
3:31:56
organizations and Society for all life itself
3:32:01
the healthier we are the more we will be in process the more vibrant the more
3:32:08
lively we are the more we will be changing
3:32:14
God is too immense to be limited to any chapter or book or even Bible
3:32:21
yet there is one word for our Human Experience whenever we happen seemingly
3:32:27
by accident to tap into to participate consciously in that immensity
3:32:34
it is the experience of Glory and how we yearn for it
3:32:41
blindly usually falsely and more often than not destructively we seek after
3:32:48
Glory as nothing else as C.S Lewis pointed out in his great
3:32:54
sermon the weight of Glory God in his gentleness would never have
3:33:00
created us with an appetite for something unreal or utterly unobtainable
3:33:07
we hunger only because there is food we thirst because there is drink
3:33:14
so it is with Glory we yearn for it as nothing else precisely because there is a God
3:33:22
urging us on to Union with her but make no mistake real glory is an
3:33:30
attribute only of God True Glory is ours only insofar as we
3:33:37
submit ourselves to the true God but who what where is the true God
3:33:46
in denial of the soul I pointed out with many qualifications that suicide
3:33:52
including euthanasia is usually not an action of Courage but of the most
3:33:58
questionable hubris the reason for this seemingly harsh
3:34:04
assessment is that we are not our own creators and hence we do not have the moral right
3:34:11
to be our own Destroyers humankind does not have the power to
3:34:18
make the sun rise or set we can predict and respond to the weather but we do not determine what it
3:34:25
will be from day to day I do not know how to create an iris or a
3:34:31
rose I can only Steward one so it is with myself
3:34:37
presumably even more complicated than a flower I could not possibly have even imagined
3:34:44
myself into existence but to a considerable extent I can
3:34:49
choose to decently nurture or not nurture myself in other words while I cannot be my own
3:34:57
Creator I can play a role as co-creator
3:35:03
the concept of co-creatorship and its responsibility has become quite popular
3:35:09
in theology in recent years but I have not read of this responsibility being extended to its
3:35:16
ultimate the fact is that we humans are free to
3:35:22
choose our own vision of God and no choice we make can be as potent in our
3:35:28
personal lives or as agents of society so we come to a crescendo of paradox
3:35:38
on the one hand God is unquestionably our creator
3:35:43
on the other in choosing the kind of God we believe in we are in a sense creating
3:35:50
God not only for ourselves but also for others who will see God reflected in our
3:35:57
beliefs our actions and in our very spirit but bear in mind that we cannot know God
3:36:06
in the traditional scientific sense a Hasidic story passed on to me by Eric
3:36:14
frohm makes the point it is the story of a good Jewish man let
3:36:19
us call him Mordecai who prayed one day o God let me know your true name even as
3:36:27
the Angels do the Lord God heard his prayer and granted it allowing Mordecai to know his
3:36:35
true name whereupon Mordecai crept under the bed and yelped in sheer animal Terror oh God
3:36:43
let me forget your true name and the Lord God heard that prayer and
3:36:49
granted it also something of the same point was made by
3:36:54
the Apostle Paul when he said it is a terrifying thing to fall into
3:37:00
the hands of the Living God yet in the end all things point to God
3:37:09
[Music]
3:37:29
and now dear God darling Lord let me
3:37:34
speak with you do you remember that reporter
3:37:40
the one who pretended to be religious and then when I had talked for days
3:37:45
about you concluded by commenting it's clear to me Scotty that you could
3:37:51
never really communicate with your parents you must have been a very lonely child
3:37:57
I wonder if that doesn't have a lot to do with your belief in God
3:38:03
of course I knew at that point we had lost it do you mean is God my imaginary
3:38:09
companion I responded rhetorically actually I don't think I was a
3:38:16
particularly lonely child I went on all children are lonely
3:38:21
my parents were attentive and I could talk to them about things small
3:38:27
I had at least a modicum of friends more than most and more still as I got
3:38:34
older but is God my imaginary companion oh yes indeed yes
3:38:42
yet as I've been trying to tell you that's just one of a thousand reasons I
3:38:48
believe naturally it had no effect
3:38:53
but the fact is you have been beside me in this imagination for longer than I
3:38:59
can remember and it's been a great trip together hasn't it Lord
3:39:05
now I'm old I cannot be sure whether we're near the end or still merely
3:39:12
preparing to blast off but of this I'm sure there is not one
3:39:18
moment I can declare you to have been absent from me note my words
3:39:25
you created me to be precise with words I was not saying I've always felt your
3:39:32
presence or been aware of you frankly most of the time I haven't even
3:39:38
bothered to think of you you've been so good to me
3:39:45
oh there were a few bad years early on the year in the fourth grade in a new
3:39:51
school and two years later when I was 10 and couldn't understand why all my
3:39:58
classmates suddenly turned on me again how could I have understood
3:40:04
unaware you had created me a leader who without intent threatened the top dog
3:40:11
it was 30 more years before I realized what had transpired before I even
3:40:17
realized I was a leader but those were less than two years out
3:40:23
of 12. the rest were magical what can I say
3:40:29
there was an ice house behind our summer home and an orchard where the neighbor's
3:40:36
sheep grazed and in September the white clouds grazed the sky and I knew my
3:40:43
parents loved me and I knew you were behind it all like
3:40:49
the Ice House deep deep ancient
3:40:54
cool in the summer and above all providing it is a paradox at one in the same time
3:41:02
I was grateful and I took you for granted like the Ice House you were just there
3:41:10
at 13 I went to boarding school it was a place without love
3:41:17
everything was wrong they said it was right 30 months it took me to think for myself
3:41:25
I walked out not yet an adult exactly but a man who knew his soul belonged to
3:41:32
you and never again to Fashion yes those were tough years the toughest
3:41:41
they were also when I can first remember talking about you vaguely I recall arguing Your Existence
3:41:48
with my adolescent friends or was it your non-existence
3:41:54
it doesn't matter what matters is that I was thinking about you
3:42:00
15 was the last bad year since there have been bad moments
3:42:08
maybe even a few of tragedy but no bad years
3:42:13
some years it has even seemed as if you had placed me on a kind of Grand
3:42:18
Vacation I cannot imagine anything I could ever have done to deserve such kindness
3:42:27
was it at five or ten or fifteen that I first decided to speak the truth when I
3:42:35
could have gotten away with a lie I can't recall
3:42:40
certainly by college honesty had become my habit some have said my compulsion
3:42:47
I do not mean I never withhold a piece of Truth now and then only that it is
3:42:53
painful for me to love in such a way but I try not to withhold even a smidgen
3:43:01
from myself and if there is a secret to all my good fortune I suppose that is it
3:43:09
but it is not my doing it was you who planted in me the seed
3:43:15
this Burning thirst for the real besides since you know the reality of my
3:43:22
heart to what end should I seek to deceive except to isolate myself from
3:43:28
you and that is the very last thing I could ever desire
3:43:35
book I was asked to praise the one with the title intuition
3:43:41
it never mentioned you that might have been pardonable save
3:43:46
that it drew no distinction between intuition and revelation I did not feel I could bless such a book
3:43:53
that left you out but was I being Fair perhaps its author
3:43:59
was right and I was wrong perhaps you did not exist
3:44:05
so I sat down to think about it first I thought about how much of my own
3:44:11
work was predicated on you I had a large stake in you
3:44:17
could I relinquish that if it were the reality could I disavow you
3:44:23
yes then I was utterly free to contemplate your non-existence
3:44:30
I began with the usual famine and flood drought and destruction
3:44:37
poverty greed war and torture hate lying
3:44:42
and manipulation disease mental and physical and all things unfair
3:44:49
but it was of no use there was no evil I could blame on you that required you for its explanation
3:44:57
weep yes but blame you no
3:45:03
then there was human goodness as have others I could speculate on how
3:45:08
altruism may have been bred into us for its survival value oh yes I knew about sociobiology and
3:45:17
other modern Notions and while I could choose to see your hand in these matters I could also
3:45:24
choose not to the same with beauty trees and flowers
3:45:29
valleys and mountains streams rivers lakes oceans and all manner of water and
3:45:36
weather shrieked to me of your creation yet if need be I could close my ears
3:45:44
there is nothing that compels me to find your presence in Sunrise or Sunset
3:45:50
Starlight or Moonlight or all things green wondrous ever so wondrous but I cannot
3:45:58
insist upon your design it is not Beyond me to imagine a
3:46:04
wondrous accident no these big things I can deal with
3:46:11
it is the little things this business of Revelation I cannot
3:46:16
handle the occasional dream more elegant by far
3:46:21
than my capacity for construction the quiet voice one might think is that
3:46:27
of my waking brain save that when it rarely speaks it teaches me with wisdom
3:46:33
Beyond any brain and those coincidences which might be
3:46:38
merely amusing if they could be understood as such I cannot explain these little things
3:46:46
except to know that in them you have revealed yourself and I cannot explain why except that you
3:46:54
love me and that I cannot explain except that you love us all
3:47:01
none of this has been in my control never have you operated by my schedule
3:47:08
yes my dearest I talk of you as if you were my imaginary companion but only as
3:47:15
if if you really were imaginary then you would obey my imagination
3:47:22
leaping in form and time in accordance with my desire but that's not the way it works is it
3:47:30
and it is I who must strive to be obedient know my companion you keep me strange
3:47:38
company coming to me whenever however and in whatever form you desire
3:47:45
utterly unpredictable the Hindus I am told have a concept they
3:47:52
call the god of the Void if they are referring to your silence
3:47:57
when I want your voice to your apparent absence when I want your presence to
3:48:03
your unpredictability to your namelessness to the fact that you are
3:48:09
far more ephemeral than my imagination then I think I know what they mean
3:48:16
but you are not a void although you are more likely to come to me when I am empty
3:48:22
to us when we are empty you yourself are not emptiness
3:48:28
without form like us more than us you are capable of
3:48:35
emptying yourself of setting yourself aside for the sake of love
3:48:40
but you are not a void rather I should call you a god of
3:48:46
fullness I am not ready to know your true name
3:48:52
nor yet to see you face to face but mysterious though you may be you are
3:48:58
no Cipher and there are things I can tell the world with gladness about
3:49:04
exactly who you are most importantly you are a person
3:49:12
why do we have such trouble with this wishing to neuter you into some abstract
3:49:19
Force I know I did it myself I wanted to be
3:49:25
sophisticated I wanted to be sure people knew you weren't my imaginary companion
3:49:31
some mere Heavenly projection of myself as the proverbial wise old man with a
3:49:37
Long White Beard how many years was it before I could finally speak my heart to publicly
3:49:45
acknowledge your personhood I am so slow
3:49:52
you don't have a long light beard you do not even have a body as we are
3:49:58
accustomed to think of bodies but you have a personality
3:50:03
a personality definite beyond our own a personality vibrant beyond our
3:50:10
imagination and how could this be were you not a person
3:50:16
so it is of your personality I speak your uncapturable spirit
3:50:23
and my language will be that of emotion not of jeans or beards or protoplasm
3:50:30
although sometimes I suppose you are the ultimate protoplasm
3:50:36
the obvious is that you are a loving God trying to be scientific in my published
3:50:43
work I have shied away from the emotion of love and all its capacity for
3:50:49
self-deception the proof of the pudding is in the eating as my grandfather would have said
3:50:56
or handsome is as handsome does and I have insisted upon so-called
3:51:03
operational definitions of love which has been all to the good save that
3:51:10
it may have obscured the fact we cannot be loving unless we want to be
3:51:15
and that behind the wanting lies and emotion the most unsimple and demanding emotion
3:51:24
there is real love demands that we suffer that I
3:51:30
allow my beloved to break my heart piece by piece yet still carry on
3:51:37
continuing to love with a heart that is ever larger as the result
3:51:43
on the eve of his execution for plotting out of love to murder Hitler the
3:51:51
Christian martyr Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote only a suffering God will do
3:51:57
you dear God have not called me to quite such agonizing complexity
3:52:04
nonetheless you have permitted me a taste of it when I have been called to
3:52:09
intervene in the lives of others thinking of how you have intervened in
3:52:15
my own life with unfailing goodness of judgment I sense the awesome energy required and
3:52:23
I know you have brooded over me with a devotion I can barely understand
3:52:29
I can only assume you suffer so over us all
3:52:34
and I am not sure I became an adult until I began to feel sorrow for you
3:52:43
but you needless to say are a paradoxical God
3:52:48
and what amazes me even more than your continual suffering is your persistent
3:52:54
gaiety you are a playful God and one of the things I know about you
3:53:01
is your sense of humor if for no other reason then it is clear
3:53:06
you love to confound me as soon as I think I have obtained a
3:53:12
handle on your creation you instantly come along to ask but what about this
3:53:19
Scotty this defilement of my certainty is so
3:53:24
routine I have been forced to conclude you must take a certain Delight in it
3:53:31
in the face of all the Sorrows of the world I am sometimes tempted to despair
3:53:38
and this is what I find most strange about you I can feel your suffering but never have
3:53:46
I sensed in you one second of despair unlike me your Delight in your creation
3:53:54
seems constant you are to me an amazingly cheerful God
3:54:00
and I pray that someday I shall learn your secret
3:54:06
you are also a sexy god now I sense you mail now female
3:54:13
but never neuter indeed sex is one of your tricks
3:54:18
infinitely confounding yet among other things the most glorious play we humans
3:54:24
are allowed So Glorious I cannot explain the pleasure saved to positive as a gift
3:54:32
deliberately offered to give us a taste for you and your playfulness
3:54:38
I used to speak of this in a lecture it was the one where the audience was most
3:54:43
likely to weep with passion except for those who walked out Simply unable to
3:54:50
Bear your intimacy yet you are a god of restraint
3:54:55
having given us in your image free will you never dictate never threaten nor
3:55:02
punish I do not know the boundaries of your power but sometimes I wonder if you can
3:55:09
only create having long ago forever forsaken the capacity to destroy anything
3:55:17
you give us our space forcing nothing and not once have I ever been violated
3:55:24
by you you are the gentlest of beings
3:55:30
you love variety in variety you Delight
3:55:35
I sit in a meadow on a summer afternoon and from a single spot I can observe a
3:55:41
hundred different plants a dozen species of winged insects
3:55:46
and had I the vision within the soil I could watch colonies of bacteria and
3:55:52
whole societies of viruses intermingling
3:55:59
but what impresses me most is the variety
3:56:06
but what impresses me most is the variety of humans each with unique limitations each with
3:56:14
unique gifts from them you have given me so many friends all different
3:56:21
and my entire life has been spent in a web of Exchange
3:56:26
often I have not exchanged well forgive me Lord for all those I have
3:56:33
failed I thank you for my friends and most
3:56:38
especially for my best friend 37 years ago when Lily and I were wed I
3:56:46
did not know who she was Nor she me nor much about ourselves
3:56:52
nor anything about marriage at all the learning was often to be painful
3:56:57
although without it there would have been nothing somehow we made it through
3:57:03
and it would be wrong not to give ourselves any credit but tell me this utterly innocent back
3:57:10
then how did I know in my blind ignorance that Lily more different than
3:57:16
I could imagine was right for me I cannot explain it unless you were
3:57:22
invisibly at my side guiding me while I like Jacob was unaware
3:57:29
and I like Jacob must now exclaim surely God was in this place and I I did
3:57:38
not know it in the end all things point to you
3:57:45
we are old now early old we have lived so hard
3:57:51
and it is a time of waiting tending to our aching bodies as best we can for
3:57:57
whatever little you have left in store for us here like the old we look back facing
3:58:04
failures and enjoying the successes of our past we can account for the failures
3:58:11
the successes seem more mysterious again we take some credit but again we
3:58:19
know you have helped us in all we have achieved this looking back is part of detaching
3:58:27
mostly we are looking forward much as I have enjoyed this world I have
3:58:33
forever felt one part alien as if I did not quite belong here
3:58:39
a decade ago after a five-day meeting that he led Jim a most extraordinary man
3:58:46
commented Scotty I have no idea what planet we're
3:58:52
from but it seems to have been the same one a year later almost to the day walking
3:58:59
across the street in France Jim was hit by a car from behind
3:59:04
it killed him instantly my reaction was one part grief and two
3:59:10
parts Envy around that time I read a work of
3:59:15
Science Fiction its story was that of aliens Who and the guise of humans colonized Earth
3:59:23
at one point a few of their number were given the opportunity to return to their
3:59:29
original Planet I threw the book down on my bed clothes sobbing to you Lord I want to go home
3:59:38
please take me home now a decade later I do not feel so
3:59:45
frantic as it becomes ever more clear it won't be so long before I get my wish
3:59:52
I'm coming home Lord I have no desire to disparage this world
4:00:00
the older I am the more I can see how precious it is to you
4:00:05
you have said it before us for a purpose you have laid it out like a jigsaw
4:00:11
puzzle to which the box has been lost but the pieces are so colorful we
4:00:18
children cannot help but pick them up and start to play painstakingly we put one piece together
4:00:25
with another the puzzle is huge eventually it Dawns on us we will never
4:00:33
begin to have enough time to complete it this may be a moment for despair
4:00:39
tempting us to discard you you are so much larger than us
4:00:45
yet if we are alert there are other lessons to be learned
4:00:50
in fact the puzzle is so huge it is amazing that we can put one piece
4:00:56
together with another at all it seems almost Pure Luck
4:01:02
save that it happened so frequently we sense our hands and eyes have been
4:01:07
Guided by an instinct we cannot explain who has not had the experience
4:01:15
then those few pieces put together offer us tiny glimpses of the hole and it
4:01:21
looks beautiful designedly enticing finally we find in those few attached
4:01:28
fragments occasional cryptic messages once I interdigitated pieces that fit
4:01:36
into a strange sign it was in French and read
4:01:41
foreign do with this what you will
4:01:48
I myself have chosen by your grace to see it as something more than a childish
4:01:55
game and some soon day I imagine I may even
4:02:00
see the picture on the box or LED deeper into your mystery be
4:02:06
handed a jigsaw or else as a trembling Apprentice even a
4:02:12
paintbrush in the meantime thank you for letting me know that it is
4:02:19
you who are the name of the game foreign