Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating by [Moira Weigel]
by Moira Weigel (Author) Format: Kindle Edition
4.2 out of 5 stars 67 ratings
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322 pages
“Does anyone date anymore?” Today, the authorities tell us that courtship is in crisis. But when Moira Weigel dives into the history of sex and romance in modern America, she discovers that authorities have always said this. Ever since young men and women started to go out together, older generations have scolded them: That’s not the way to find true love. The first women who made dates with strangers were often arrested for prostitution; long before “hookup culture,” there were “petting parties”; before parents worried about cell phone apps, they fretted about joyrides and “parking.” Dating is always dying. But this does not mean that love is dead. It simply changes with the economy. Dating is, and always has been, tied to work.
Lines like “I’ll pick you up at six” made sense at a time when people had jobs that started and ended at fixed hours. But in an age of contract work and flextime, many of us have become sexual freelancers, more likely to text a partner “u still up?” Weaving together over one hundred years of history with scenes from the contemporary landscape, Labor of Love offers a fresh feminist perspective on how we came to date the ways we do. This isn't a guide to “getting the guy.” There are no ridiculous “rules” to follow. Instead, Weigel helps us understand how looking for love shapes who we are—and hopefully leads us closer to the happy ending that dating promises.
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Editorial Reviews
Review
"An addictive and accessible read." ―Amy Finnerty, The New York Times
"Weigel is best when dismantling pop theories through the ages. She brilliantly eviscerates the self-help industry for stoking 'mutual mystification' between the sexes, and unearths intriguing continuities like the way technological advances (including the invention of the automobile) have always led to hand-wringing over the moral bankruptcy of youth . . . Fascinating." ―Jenna Wortham,The New York Times Book Review
"[A] perceptive and wide-ranging investigation into the history of dating in America." ―Alexandra Schwartz, The New Yorker
"The lack of serious conversation about dating has left Weigel with rich territory to explore, and she makes excellent use of it . . . [and her] deliciously incisive observations run throughout the book, making it a thoroughly enjoyable read . . . Weigel presents an insightful analysis of a topic that has largely been left to hucksters and scolds. By commodifying our deepest emotions, Weigel shows how the 'experts' turned dating into a job requiring calculation and deception, but not much love. Maybe it’s time to give notice." ―Sara Eckel, The Washington Post
"[Moira Weigel] makes an entirely convincing case that there never was and never will be one static way of dating." ―Willa Paskin, The Guardian
"[A] sprightly, gently feminist history . . . offer[ing] useful perspectives on dating as both an art and a historical construct." ―Julia M. Kline, The Chicago Tribune
"An occasionally amusing and often provocative look at the work of wooing . . . [A] lively tour of changing romantic mores." ―The Economist
"Much juicier than your average history book . . . [it] reads like a documentary about something you never knew could be so interesting." ―BUST
"[A] smart, refreshing take on the history of dating." ―Publishers Weekly
"Labor of Love makes its case as cheerfully as it does compellingly. Weigel’s book is both intense and lighthearted, by turns easy and surprising, offering momentary delights as well as subtle hints about the future. It’s everything, really, that a good date should be." ―The Atlantic
"A radical Marxist feminist tract disguised as a salmon-pink self-help book." ―Laurie Penny, The New Statesman
"[Moira Weigel's] fresh and often amusing feminist perspective is delightfully interrogative ― and endlessly fascinating." ―Refinery 29
"[A] riveting chronicle of courtship in modern America." ―Entertainment Weekly
"Weigel successfully crafts a theorization of the 'date' as a longstanding site of morphing relations of reproductive labor. . . always show[ing] compellingly that the slippage between romantic and pecuniary matters is altogether nothing new." ―Sophie Lewis, Blindfield Journal
"Labor of Love is remarkable at many levels: Formally, with its interweaving of theory, personal anecdote and social history. Politically, the way it deftly manages to say hugely important things about power and money that so often get left out of the discourse on love. And most of all, it's elegantly written, fun and plain hugely readable." ―Alain de Botton, author of The Course of Love
“Moira Weigel’s Labor of Love rescues the subject of dating from its Trojan horse of triviality. It illuminates the social stakes of feelings too often misunderstood as private or peripheral: romantic desire, romantic frustration, and the shame of caring too much about either one. Witty, lively, and deftly―refreshingly―attentive to largely untold histories, Labor of Love has constructed a dazzling tour of the public infrastructure of our private lives. You will never swipe right the same way again.” ―Leslie Jamison, author of The Empathy Exams
“Labor of Love is a work of essential social history. This is by far the best treatment of courtship, romance, and that awkward squirmy ritual we call a ‘date’ I’ve ever read.” ―Christian Rudder, author of Datacylsm: Who We Are (When We Think No One's Looking) and founder of OkCupid
“As compulsively readable as any self-help dating book, Moira Weigel's Labor of Love is an original, exhaustive study of courtship in the United States across two centuries. As Weigel finds, advances in technology don't necessarily equate with mores: women still serve as the assigned arbiters and police of all things sexual, from holding hands to giving birth. But more than polemic, Labor of Love is a heartfelt work, written from and speaking to the need for intimate connection that animates our willingness to navigate these complex and contradictory codes.” ―Chris Kraus, author of I Love Dick
“Labor of Love is a brilliant history of courtship, love, and sex that is also a brilliant investigation into profound changes in the nature of American work, leisure, consumer society, education, and city life over the twentieth-century and into the new millennium. Elegantly written, gratifyingly clear-eyed, and sharply funny, it restores the essential strangeness of dating, while expertly navigating the fraught contemporary debates over its meaning.” ―Nikil Saval, author of Cubed: A Secret History of the Workplace
“Instead of going out tonight, do yourself a favor: stay in and read this book. Moira Weigel and her genre-bending history of dating are excellent, illuminating company.” ―Astra Taylor, author of The People’s Platform and director of Examined Life and Zizek!
--This text refers to the paperback edition.
About the Author
Moira Weigel was born in Brooklyn. Her writing has appeared in The Guardian, The Nation, The New Republic, n+1, and The New Inquiry, among other publications, and she is currently completing a PhD in Comparative Literature at Yale University. After years of first-person research on dating, she is off the market. Labor of Love is her first book. --This text refers to the paperback edition.
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Product details
ASIN : B0176YG0L0
Publisher : Farrar, Straus and Giroux (May 17, 2016)
Publication date : May 17, 2016
Print length : 322 pages
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Customer Reviews: 4.2 out of 5 stars 67 ratings
Moira Weigel
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Biography
Moira Weigel is a writer, translator, and scholar currently at the Harvard Society of Fellows. In 2017, she received her PhD from Yale University. Her writing has appeared in many publications, including The New York Times, The Guardian, and The New Republic.
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Customer reviews
4.2 out of 5 stars
Top reviews from the United States
snowflake
5.0 out of 5 stars Blown away
Reviewed in the United States on September 2, 2016
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This book is absolutely incredible and you must read it. I've been binge-reading it for the past 24 hours, almost done at this point, and have already emailed or texted 5 people that they must get it ASAP. It has upended some of my long-held convictions of what's "traditional". It has touched upon and tied together all the recent trends - from "Marry Him" to "Rules" to online dating and many others. It added fascinating, often funny and sometimes painful (e.g. AIDS epidemic) historical narratives. It has put words to feelings I've long tried to express myself - the despair of having to play a certain role in dating and suppressing my desires in every step. Most importantly, it has framed what I have long thought of as my personal issues as societal changes or problems at large. I know I will keep thinking about this book for a while, will keep recommending it to others, and will undoubtedly reread it. Many thanks to the author for all the work (and heart) that has gone into researching and writing this book.
11 people found this helpful
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bizallyson
5.0 out of 5 stars Fascinating look at "the search"
Reviewed in the United States on November 5, 2016
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Anyone who is single and finds him or herself on a Friday night apathetically "swiping" and wondering, "how did I get here" should read this book. The answer for how to do something different is not necessarily in its pages but you can take comfort that being single isn't necessarily as bad or as personally a fault as one may think. It's also a fascinating sociological study about culture constructing how we search for love and what we think we are searching for.
4 people found this helpful
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Larry G. Brandt
4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
Reviewed in the United States on November 16, 2016
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A good overview of the modern invention of dating and how the institution escaped the early charges of prostitution. In this current time where people are voting because one man-one woman is their belief of history it should be more popular.
4 people found this helpful
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copperlustre
2.0 out of 5 stars Not worth your time
Reviewed in the United States on April 9, 2019
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Very marginal read. Starts off fairly well but flounders quickly. Don’t bother to get this.
3 people found this helpful
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Mark
5.0 out of 5 stars Well researched and thought-provoking
Reviewed in the United States on September 26, 2016
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Thoughtful, well researched, articulate and thought-provoking. This is the best overview of dating and the history of dating that I've ever read. I highly recommend this book.
3 people found this helpful
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Nicole1
5.0 out of 5 stars Compelling and engaging!
Reviewed in the United States on October 31, 2016
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Five stars! This was a compelling read - Weigel really digs deep into our culture and will make you think about how you think about love (or how you haven't thought about it!). Well-written and well researched with some new information. On a personal level, I have experienced a great deal of growth in my years of dating - this book sheds a great deal of light on where some of my frustrations have originated. As long as there are others who are ready to work and change the social norms, I think we are on the right track!
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Kate Siegel
5.0 out of 5 stars What a wonderful read! Labor of Love is a fanscinating exploration ...
Reviewed in the United States on May 18, 2016
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What a wonderful read! Labor of Love is a fanscinating exploration of how dating has evolved in response to economic, social, and cultural shifts over the last 100 years. While the book is well researched and certainly a serious intellectual exploration of the subject matter, drawing on over 100 years of material, it's hilarious and entirely accessible. I honestly couldn't put it down. Would give it 100 stars if I could!
14 people found this helpful
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Zoe Nesin
5.0 out of 5 stars I totally recommend it.
Reviewed in the United States on August 2, 2016
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This book is fascinating and informative. I'm about 1/3 of the way through and I'm learning a lot of historical information across races, classes, and ethnicities that I was previously unaware of regarding courtship and the institution of dating. If you're a history nerd, especially a women's/people's history nerd, I totally recommend it.
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sarah
5.0 out of 5 stars 'Labor of Love' is absolutely brilliant
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on June 1, 2019
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In the current age of "Hook-Up Culture," it is often said that daters eschew emotional attachments romantic entanglements. Romance is dead; folks simply "hit it and quit it," to use a blunt phrase. Such a statement, Moira Weigel argues, makes many erroneous assumptions about the "traditional" practices of dating in the U.S. Using the tools of diverse fields like cultural studies, cultural history, literary criticism, sociology, and film studies, Weigel provides readers with a wonderfully complex history of dating in the U.S.
Dating as Americans currently know it is a 20th-century invention, a product of industrialization, urbanization, economic shifts, and women entering the U.S. workforce en masse. Weigel asserts that both dating and love are social constructs (as opposed to "naturally" occurring phenomena) subject to the ebbs and flows of the market. Economic regimes, more specifically capitalism, and, in the late 20th and early 21st centuries, neoliberalism, influence dating patterns and habits. Furthermore, dating also spurs a consumer culture that thrives of our (dysfunctional) dating patterns and ceaseless quest for love. What I found most compelling was Weigel's argument that dating itself is also work, a form of labor. The labor of dating, the labor of loving, is, in a deeply unequal society, deeply unequally distributed. The ramifications of this distribution are reified in our social, political, economic, and personal lives.
As Weigel supports her argument by describing dating across the decades of the 20th century, she shares historical facts that upend what we readers think we knew about dating. At the turn of the 20th century, for instance, many first daters were criminalized, especially Black women; the singles bars widespread across the nation today evolved out of the public social spaces created for queer dating; the free love movement of the 1960s was not unique for there was a free love movement in the 1870s after the end of the U.S. Civil War; rent parties, which constituted a way for Black Americans in New York to pay drastically high rents for segregated housing, provided a locale for many Black daters (and later served as the site in which disco music and culture emerged).
'Labor of Love' is absolutely brilliant; it brings a feminist theory, visual culture, history, and critiques of power together in a clever way. My only critique is that I wanted Weigel's argument to be bolder. There wasn't always a clear throughline from each of the chapters to the text's central thesis, and Weigel never makes explicit what precisely is at stake. For instance, while discussing the myth of the biological clock, Weigel is clear that solutions such as egg freezing and IVF (two procedures originally pioneered to aid individuals who had trouble conceiving as opposed to aiding "healthy" women whose work lives would not permit them to conceive prior to their late 30s) does not actually address the problem: notions and practices of work are at odds with the biological constraints that some individuals face with respect to reproduction. I wanted Weigel to parse that statement--explain to her reader how and why that poses an issue for an ostensibly democratic society committed to equity, justice, and reproductive freedom.
Nevertheless, I enjoyed 'Labor of Love' immensely, and would definitely recommend it.
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VTO
5.0 out of 5 stars Very interesting and easily written book!
Reviewed in Germany on November 2, 2016
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I can recommend this book to readers, who are interested in historical-economic perspectives that bring up class, race and gender issues (intersectionality).
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