The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families by Stephen R. Covey | Goodreads
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The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families
by
Stephen R. Covey (Foreword),
Sandra M. Covey (Foreword)
4.15 · Rating details · 8,210 ratings · 288 reviews
In his first major work since The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey presents a practical and philosophical guide to solving the problems--large and small, mundane and extraordinary―that confront all families and strong communities. By offering revealing anecdotes about ordinary people as well as helpful suggestions about changing everyday behavior, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families shows how and why to have family meetings, the importance of keeping promises, how to balance individual and family needs, and how to move from dependence to interdependence. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families is an invaluable guidebook to the welfare of families everywhere. (less)
Paperback, 390 pages
Published September 15th 1998 by Griffin (first published September 1st 1996)
Original Title
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families
ISBN
0307440850 (ISBN13: 9780307440853)
Edition Language
English
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Aug 03, 2011Harini Srinivasan rated it it was amazing
Shelves: self-help
I didn't expect to like this book as I have a hefty mental block against self-help books. An earlier occupant of my office had left it on the shelf and I eyed it with contempt for years before curiosity finally drove me to flip through the pages. And wham! I suddenly realized all the hype around Stephen Covey wasn't just hype. He is one of those rare people -- I have known two or three in my life -- with the facility of clear thinking, who intuitively understand cause and effect, and therefore act in such a way as to produce the desired outcome.
--
Why can't the rest of humankind do this? I really don't know. Once we have it pointed out to us, we see it; but there is a kind of fog around our brains that prevents us seeing it on our own. Why else are there so many frustrated people, so many unhappy families? it's not because we want to hurt ourselves and those around us, it's because we don't understand how to 'begin with the end in mind', to think clearly about where we want to go and chalk out our flight plan to get there.
If you're a confused mortal wondering why nothing works out the way you want it to, read this book! If you can practise the techniques it describes, good for you! And even if you can't do it all the time, you'll still gain a better understanding of yourself and your problems. You may skip a lot of the stories, examples and re-caps, as I did. but you'll still get enough out of the book to make you glad you read it. (less)
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Mar 26, 2009Mommywest rated it it was amazing
Written using the same principles that were introduced in the bestselling "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People," Stephen Covey applies The Seven Habits to the family using personal, family, and others' experiences to illustrate each concept.
Every chapter includes ways to apply the principles in the family, and ways to teach the principles to your family. I've only read a chapter or two of the first Seven Habits book, and so I enjoyed not only learning about the Seven Habits, but how they apply to the family. Like any program, the Seven Habits takes time and application, and then patience to see results, but the Seven Habits are grounded in truths that will help anyone or any family have better relationships and be more successful in life. I loved the illustrating stories and the personal insights that Dr. Covey, his wife, his family, and others shared to help the reader learn how to apply the principles. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants ideas on how to improve family relationships and create a beautiful family culture.
When we lived in student housing at BYU, our stake president (the leader of several LDS congregations) was John Covey, Dr. Covey's brother. We had the privilege of having a half-day seminar given by John and Stephen Covey based on these principles, with break-out sessions given by his wife and daughters and one of the counselors who also worked for Covey. There was no promotion of the company whatsoever; just an excellent discussion of how to build our little budding families in positive, inspired ways. I've always appreciated the time they took out of their busy lives to teach us the doctrines of Jesus Christ and the practical application of them using the experiences they've had in applying the Seven Habits and other truths.(less)
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Feb 25, 2014Dennis Mitton rated it liked it
I’ve resisted the Stephen Covey bandwagon: his particular presentation doesn’t appeal to me. His books – to me – read a bit too much like tracts. And the sappy stories and drawings kind of freak me out. I have an overall sense that he is restraining his desire to preach, to lead me to salvation, to shout ‘AMEN!’ But I won’t for one single second deny that he has an unusual insight and wisdom pertaining to success and purpose.
So I read The Seven Habits for Families. There is a lot in here. So much so that I think this is almost better used as a reference book – something to page through every now and then to mull over for a few days. From my vantage the real value of the book comes in the first few chapters when Covey explores the stimulus-pause-response cycle. Something happens – a child breaks a vase or a dad gets a bonus and we have an inclination to act. Act now. To be in the moment, so to speak. Covey takes some pages to show that this space between action and response is where we are able to direct our futures. Our decisions about how to respond set up our future circumstances. It’s a cycle that we can use to point our lives in a direction of our choosing.
Through the rest of the book he focuses on the Seven Habits with applications for families: priorities, relationships, family and personal growth. He spends a good amount of time on the family business plan: putting together a real document that outlines a family’s core principles, priorities, and goals. Take this with a grain of salt and adjust it to your family situation. Other reviewers point out that a family is not a business or a sports team. True enough. But the truism sums it up: it’s easy to get there when you don’t know where you are going. The family plan is an opportunity to talk about what is important and to set common goals. Nothing has to be written in stone. Real business plans certainly aren’t. They set goals and develop plans for how to reach them and then, at regular intervals, assess how they are doing and make requisite changes. I was impressed that Covey stresses that this is not something that is to be churned out in a weekend by dad – it’s not a rule book. He cautions that everyone in the family must be able to take the time they need to think hard about how they and their desires fit into the family. It’s clear to me that the plan is well in play when you simply start thinking about it.
The book settles nicely into Covey’s folksy, ah shucks writing style. It’s easy to read and easy to digest. Some will call it wishful thinking – this is the new millennium after all. Families look different, entertainment looks different, you can have an electronic pet if you prefer. But I think Covey would say that we still want the same thing: parents want their children to grow up to be kind and respectful. We want to enjoy meaningful time with our family and friends. Children want to be understood and listened to. Though the times change human nature remains the same.
People come to these kinds of books with different expectations. For some the book will provide a few useful tips for navigating your family toward a known goal. Others will find it a godsend of wisdom. I find it hard to imagine a family that couldn’t benefit from a reading of the Habits for Families.
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Sep 26, 2012Erin rated it really liked it · review of another edition
Shelves: 2012, read-non-fiction, parenting
I read this as an audiobook which turned out to be a mistake. It's just too hard to absorb the ideas when you are driving, and I wanted to make notes and had to settle for voice memos. When I do a reread, as I should, I will read the paper or e-version.
That said, it was a sound book with a lot of good suggestions. We are actively working on our family dynamics so that we can bring our a-game in anticipation of another child, and this book gave my husband and I a lot of good talking points. I think that's the key to any self-help book like this: you're not going to change just from reading them, but you'll walk away with ideas and things to discuss with your partner, and that's where the change slowly seeps in. See, even "change" is too strong a word because it implies a problem, and you don't need to have a problem to get something from this book. It's more like adding a weight-lifting program to your fitness regime so that you can tone existing muscles. This helps you tone your family structure.
The 7 habits for my own reference are:
1. Be proactive:
rather than reactive
2. Establish a written family or personal mission statement:
Ok yes, this sounds cheesetastic, and no, we haven't done it yet, BUT it is an interesting discussion to talk about what you each think your family's core mission is. Why are you a family unit? What are you hoping to achieve?
3. Put first things first
Your family is first and should be a top priority. Really, actually schedule it on the calendar and treat it like a business meeting. The time is filled, you can't schedule anything else there. This is such a great suggestion, and one we've already put into practice. I had to turn down a fun invitation this Friday because I'd already committed to a storytime with my son. It was on the calendar, so I had that time blocked out for him, and I knew it was a priority for us.
4. Think "win-win"
Boy, isn't this life with a toddler? Every day we try to give him choices (so he feels independent) that we can live with (so we get what we need too). It seems that this extends into older children and family life.
5. Seek first to understand, then to be understood
I loved this one. One thing Covey said that I had to record was that when you love someone, you must love the things they love as much as you love the person themself to truly accept that person.
6. "Synergize"
Find a way to foster family unity through differences, not in spite of.
7. "Sharpen the saw"
Continually work on these 7 things (Covey offers the analogy of a person sawing for two hours to chop down a tree when someone asks if they have tried sharpening the saw. "are you crazy? I can't stop for that!") (less)
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Mar 01, 2015Heather rated it it was amazing
I really liked 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and in the context of families it makes even more sense.
7 Habits:
1: Use your agency/be proactive. Use the pause button to use 4 gifts.
2: Begin with the end in mind (personal, spouse, family motto/creed).
3: Put first things first (one-on-one time, family nights).
4. Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
5. Think win-win
6. Synergy
7. Sharpen the saw
Husband's comment: Covey is a genius. He has taken certain practices/principles of the LDS church and made them available to a general audience and made a fortune.
My favorite take away: the Emotional Bank Account; every interaction with a member of your family can either be a deposit or a withdrawal. (less)
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Nov 17, 2014Katie rated it it was amazing
Getting through this book was very difficult for me. Not because the content was bad, just because it was very...dense. (Also because I'm bad at reading.) If I was reading very meticulously as I am wont to do, I could only manage a couple pages before my brain was saturated. I think, honestly, it could've done with quite a few less stories and examples, and there were definitely times I felt like though something was quite interesting, it wasn't really necessary. You can tell the guy is very well-learned and...maybe wants to show it. Nevertheless it was all quite fascinating.
The content was really quite good in my opinion, though I'm not quite sure how to describe it. It isn't exactly a 7 step system as one would assume, as those are pretty straightforward. It's more like... 7 methodologies for living? Almost like, psychological principles.
It is definitely very wholesome which I appreciate. He covers the importance of spiritual, social-emotional, physical/economic, and mental aspects of life and their importance. He covers modeling and mentoring. Empathetic LISTENING. Creating a win-win situation instead of the win-lose our culture seems to follow. Making the important (not urgent) a priority in our life.
I would definitely recommend this book to anyone that is a part of a family, wants to have a family, or interacts with people. So basically, everyone. My only hesitation is just the length and density. I know there are abridged versions and cliff notes, those might be able to capture the essential methodologies so if you can't make it through the book, try those. Definitely worth having in your tool bag.
(P.S. I like how for our premarital counseling we were required to read several books that were no where near the quality of this. UGH GET IT TOGETHER, PEOPLE. I would HIGHLY recommend this for anyone getting married or especially recently married. THE END.) (less)
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Feb 12, 2010Barbara rated it it was amazing
Shelves: parenting, non-fiction
This book is the same content as The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, but with a particular emphasis and examples relating to families. I loved how it taught about teaching your children resposibility and how a parent can help most effectively while still letting your children learn. I am glad I read this book now as a fairly new parent because it has already made several things easier and I feel like a much better parent. Although Thom did not read this specific book, he has read The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and so we have had many good discussions on parenting techniques and what works for us. (less)
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Dec 03, 2017Donna rated it liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
I liked the overall message in this, but with me being such a raging cynic, I struggled with execution. I listened to the audio and it turned me off. It felt like a "let's hold hands - kumbaya fest". I don't know what it is, but that kind of thing gets my hackles up.
However, in spite of the cynic within, I did find that this book has some practical applications for strengthening families and how to keep things on a positive note. Keeping the end result in mind, was something I wholeheartedly agree with....particularly when it comes to discipline. (less)
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Oct 07, 2010JC rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2010, kindle, my-firsttime
I don't know how this book got on my kindle, but I am glad that I took the time to read it. I have never read the first book by Stephen Covey, but must say that I quite enjoyed this book and the habits that are presented here for making your family the most important in your life and the most successfully you can. I really like how this book starts out by talking about how we are off course 90% of the time in the family, and we must constantly work to get things back on track. This is a great reference book and one that I want to get my hands on so that I can write in it, highlight it, and make notes. I will definitely be rereading this book as I wasn't fully ready for all of the guidance given here. I highly recommend this book to everyone, single, married or otherwise. (less)
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Aug 10, 2010Aram rated it really liked it
The 7 Habits are the same, don't change. He just adapts the concepts to family life. The idea is to build a Highly effective family culture. I really enjoyed it and found some great concepts to implement at home right away.
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Feb 05, 2009Carrie rated it it was amazing
Shelves: parenting
Excellent! This is the book that inspired us to write our family mission statement.
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Mar 05, 2019Amanda Lewis rated it it was amazing
Everyone who is a member of a family should read this book (so that means everyone 😉). Stephen Covey takes the 7 Habits from “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” and teaches how they work within a family setting. He provides many different examples, stories, objects lessons, and facts to support and teach each Habit. I feel like this book is so full of good information it will be something that I need to continually come back and reference to. It’s more of a way of life then a book with a few good takeaways.
This book is all about changing a family from the “inside-out” and focusing on what is important- not necessary what is urgent. I can see how if these habits are put into practice (especially in the younger years) a family can thrive together through vision, communication, validation, and love. I appreciate my own parents caring enough to read and mark up this book and I hope that my children will feel the same when they are grown. (less)
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Jan 01, 2014Teresa Raetz rated it it was ok
I am an admirer of Stephen Covey and his seven habits so I was primed to like this book. There is some good stuff here about adapting the habits to family life, but the book has three large flaws. First, it's repetitive. The sections could each be about 1/3 to 1/2 the length but he repeats himself over and over. I understand the thing about people needing to hear things seven times to get it but this doesn't work well in a book. Second, Covey has very clear biases in favor of the traditional model where the wife stays home and the husband works (and of course same-sex couples don't exist in this world). He refers to single parents but this is apparently the only time it's acceptable for women to work. He's pretty explicit about this belief, going off on a lengthy tangent a little over halfway through and citing research but conveniently leaving out the research that doesn't support his bias. In a world where most mothers work, he gives no attention to how that changed a family. Then there was this: There are real life stories throughout and in one of them a woman tells a bizarre story from her teenaged years about a movie night at home with her mom, who was pregnant. The mom had a miscarriage while they were home alone but she subverted her feelings when her daughter found her in the bathroom. They cleaned up and went on as normal. The adult daughter reflecting back said "instead of wallowing in her grief...she cared more about my feelings than her own and turned what could have been a traumatic experience for me into a positive one." A POSITIVE experience? I found this disturbing. The mother didn't seek medical care or even have a chance to process the feelings and this is seen as a good thing? This is an example of how NOT to handle a miscarriage in my opinion. I didn't actually finish the book because this stopped me in my tracks. (less)
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Jun 30, 2011Michaela rated it really liked it
Shelves: reading-again
I'm very impressed with this book and anticipate that it will have a positive impact on the culture of my young family. I purchased the book after having a discussion with my husband about family mission statements. Our son was a year old at the time, and we felt compelled to approach our young family with deliberateness and intentionality. Every other endeavor in our lives had come after research, or it came with instructions. We feared that if we just free-styled family life then in thirty years we'd be left with regret and wondering how the hell we got there. Perhaps we'd also have a few good reports that things had "turned out" okay, but accidental results aren't always good.
This book has excellent principles which when put to use will empower a family to operate as a body (where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, kind of thing), and have the strength to weather all the unexpected problems it will no doubt face. I've underlined a lot on the pages, and am excited for my husband to read it, too. Mostly I'm excited for when we sit down and write our Family Mission Statement which will determine the culture in which our children live.
My only complaint is that this book isn't good "literature". It's very, very long winded. Each chapter is enormous. The author has so many ways of restating a single point, that the chapters feel repetitive, too. But think of his book as more of a reference and you'll do fine. I intend to return to it over the years as challenges arise. In fact, it even has a topical index for just such a purpose. (less)
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Nov 09, 2013Diane Malikah Moomin Pinkston rated it it was amazing
Covey targeted several troubled areas families face having children, and, or struggles with personal growth and positive productively with focus on ideas of mediated hope, inspiration, and faith pursuing all that which is granted to those who strive for healthy relationships.
These techniques Covey suggests, trains the brain to activate emotions of empathy, honor, sincerity, significance, straightforwardness that is rooting in the heart of us to release; awareness, ease and flow of reasonable understanding, compassion and love towards our loved ones.
A task that takes little effort, and plenty rewards.
I recommend this book for prospective parents, parents, guardians, caretakers of children, or anyone who cares enough about our young people who may struggle with peer pressure, abuse, self identify, drugs, alcohol, unruly behavior, rebelliousness, and other obstacles that can obstruct them from becoming productive members of self first.
This book inspired me to create this quote: “Until we examine all opportunities for examination: talks, support groups, readings, understanding, practices and positive people with inspiration of contributions and the production of loving and healthy relationships, then we can rest to sure that we openly and gracefully changed our circumstances for the betterment with our own hands.”
Peace and Blessings, Malikah
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Aug 05, 2011Brian Bojo added it
Shelves: 2010
This book took me a while to read because I took extensive notes, which I do not normally do. Covey's 7 Habits as applied to families seek to promote what Covey calls "a beautiful family culture." The author points out that these habits can be applied to any family at any stage of life. To summarize, the 7 habits are as follows: (1) Be proactive rather than reactive; (2) Establish a written family mission statement and written family values; (3) Make family your top priority; (4) Try to create "win-win" scenarios; (5) Seek first to understand, then to be understood; (6) "Synergize", or put all of these together; and (7) "Sharpen the saw", or continually renew yourself and your family physically, mentally, socially, and emotionally.
Numerous anecdotes throughout the book, which are shared by Covey, his family members, and others, provide excellent illustration of the 7 habits. Those of us who learn well via the case method are well served. (less)
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Jan 11, 2012Steven rated it really liked it
I think the book has some really good information in it and lots of helpful stories. However, for me, the material wasn't fresh new material, therefore it was a little harder for me to get through the whole book. I felt like it beat a dead horse on most topics and could have been cut down from the 360+ pages (large ones too) to half that. However, in the books defense, I had previously read parts and pieces of the book, which helped make the material less useful. Also, I believe Dale Carnegies book covers much of the same material in far fewer words.
That said, it is a good book with many useful family specific stories and the information truly is powerful and potentiall life changing personally and for a family. I would guess that many would find it useful and would recommend anyone to read it if you're interesting in keeping your marriage strong, family strong, and all the individual relationships. (less)
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Aug 24, 2012Ashley rated it it was amazing
Even though I've had a lot of guides on how to raise a family correctly, this book gives specific ideas and slightly different concepts that really changed my way of viewing family relationships. I definitely want the type of family he describes and am excited to start a plan with my hubby to make it happen. I loved all the anecdotes and experiences included in the book (written by his children and other people who embraced the 7 Habits). To me they give specific examples of how I can apply the 7 habits in my life...which is often lacking in self-help books that are too general.
I recommend that every person who is part of a family read this book!!
(you'll want to read this one too. My husband started the audio version and even though it says it's unabridged...it doesn't have everything the book has, which to me, is abridged). (less)
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Nov 07, 2013Linn Wiggins rated it really liked it
Shelves: self-help
The things that stands out to me the most in this book is the bit written by Covey's wife, talking about finally "getting" what is important about family life as she is breastfeeding their 8th child, and examples of how they addressed various family crises and decisions with their kids.
They must have been so busy, with 8 kids and him on the road, yet they kept in mind the importance of balance between family, me time, their marriage and his career.
Really liked the toolkit as he explains for what worked for them and how to apply it.
The "family meetings" are a good concept in theory but would be difficult / ? not so effective for single parents (especially those with ex-partners uninterested in co-parenting) and withing small families.
But in terms of laying out a formula for maintaining balance within the busy-ness of family life, well worth a read and to refer back to.
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Apr 24, 2014Trung Nguyen rated it really liked it
This book should be entitled "The applications of the 7 habits of highly effective people to families", but then it would not have become a top-seller. Most of the habits or principles promoted in the book are related to the 7 habits described in its cousin title. In general it would be easier for individuals who have mastered or trying to master the 7 habits to apply them to domestic matters. A man / woman / father/ mother that boasts positive outlook will most likely increase the happiness of a house. Having said that, it contains valuable lessons from harmonious families across generations. Like any other self-help techniques, however, significant effort and perseverance is to be spent to develop these habits. Will re-read this book later on. (less)
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Jul 17, 2012Rebecca rated it really liked it
Shelves: brain-power
This book is so worth reading. I loved it. Stephen R. Covey makes a good argument for taking courage to change important things in our lives, and gives great direction in how to implement his 7 habits. If you've also read his other 7 Habits book, don't be deceived into thinking you know all there is to know about the subject. This book takes a different approach and is very much focused on the family. However, it takes the commitment of an individual to make a change.
This book is not for the faint-hearted. Once you read it, unless you're completely satisfied with your family life, it will stay with you because you've now been introduced to a better way. It's truly a life changing event to read and consider this book. I'm glad I did! (I just wish that I'd read it 15 years ago!) (less)
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Oct 30, 2010Kim rated it it was amazing
This was a great book! I've (Kim) read The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People as well, so I think my expectations of the book were maybe a little different than what the book actually was. However, we both loved this book! Again, this was a recommendation from a therapist friend of ours and it's easy to see why. We're one step closer to building our family the way we would like for it to be. This book had lots of great ideas and examples. It was a great read and a great shared experience as we talked about what we were reading. In fact, Trent and I were so inspired, we sat down and wrote our family mission statement. We had a great time doing it, and we are going to frame it and have it hanging in our home. (less)
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Aug 24, 2011Harley rated it it was amazing
Shelves: family
Again, another great book from Stephen Covey. It took me a while to read, as I'd have to stop and think about what was just said, and ponder on how I'm doing with my family. Lots of great examples and stories to illustrate the principles of the 7 Habits, and suggestions on how to use each chapter with your family. This is not a book to read once and then put away, it needs to be a reference book available for frequent reviews. Much of the material is "common sense", which seems so hard to follow in real life. The focus on the family is foundational to improving society in general, and the principles shown in this book will help you work with your family in creating this change. (less)
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Jan 28, 2009Ann rated it it was amazing
Shelves: nonfiction
about having family traditions and really listening to family members (aka kids)
very good, easy to read, learn and apply
Like a step by step strength training for families that we can adapt and grow with as our family changes.
Definitely easier to digest than the 7 Habits for Highly Effective People...
love the teen and kid versions too. Opens good conversations with our children, so we can all grow a healthy family together.
Now I understand why/how Thoughts lead to Feelings,
Feelings lead to Beliefs,
Beliefs lead to Actions,
Actions lead to Results,
Results lead to Thoughts,
and Thoughts again lead to Feelings,
etc...
interesting cycle in the stories of our lives. (less)
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Dec 22, 2014Emi Bevacqua rated it did not like it · review of another edition
Recommends it for: nobody, ever.
Shelves: non-fiction, parenting, religious, self-help
Stephen Covey can take something like "paying attention to your children is a good idea," and end up taking credit for inventing the notion, or make it sound like it's something that only church-goers can do properly. I could not get past the Covey family's faith-based smarmy tone, and much of the data in this book is now outdated. There were a couple interesting facts, like the bit about how the home and work have switched places as far as venues for adult relaxation, and a scenario that might work for getting kids to take on responsibility for yard-maintenance. (less)
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When we lived in student housing at BYU, our stake president (the leader of several LDS congregations) was John Covey, Dr. Covey's brother. We had the privilege of having a half-day seminar given by John and Stephen Covey based on these principles, with break-out sessions given by his wife and daughters and one of the counselors who also worked for Covey. There was no promotion of the company whatsoever; just an excellent discussion of how to build our little budding families in positive, inspired ways. I've always appreciated the time they took out of their busy lives to teach us the doctrines of Jesus Christ and the practical application of them using the experiences they've had in applying the Seven Habits and other truths.(less)
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Feb 25, 2014Dennis Mitton rated it liked it
I’ve resisted the Stephen Covey bandwagon: his particular presentation doesn’t appeal to me. His books – to me – read a bit too much like tracts. And the sappy stories and drawings kind of freak me out. I have an overall sense that he is restraining his desire to preach, to lead me to salvation, to shout ‘AMEN!’ But I won’t for one single second deny that he has an unusual insight and wisdom pertaining to success and purpose.
So I read The Seven Habits for Families. There is a lot in here. So much so that I think this is almost better used as a reference book – something to page through every now and then to mull over for a few days. From my vantage the real value of the book comes in the first few chapters when Covey explores the stimulus-pause-response cycle. Something happens – a child breaks a vase or a dad gets a bonus and we have an inclination to act. Act now. To be in the moment, so to speak. Covey takes some pages to show that this space between action and response is where we are able to direct our futures. Our decisions about how to respond set up our future circumstances. It’s a cycle that we can use to point our lives in a direction of our choosing.
Through the rest of the book he focuses on the Seven Habits with applications for families: priorities, relationships, family and personal growth. He spends a good amount of time on the family business plan: putting together a real document that outlines a family’s core principles, priorities, and goals. Take this with a grain of salt and adjust it to your family situation. Other reviewers point out that a family is not a business or a sports team. True enough. But the truism sums it up: it’s easy to get there when you don’t know where you are going. The family plan is an opportunity to talk about what is important and to set common goals. Nothing has to be written in stone. Real business plans certainly aren’t. They set goals and develop plans for how to reach them and then, at regular intervals, assess how they are doing and make requisite changes. I was impressed that Covey stresses that this is not something that is to be churned out in a weekend by dad – it’s not a rule book. He cautions that everyone in the family must be able to take the time they need to think hard about how they and their desires fit into the family. It’s clear to me that the plan is well in play when you simply start thinking about it.
The book settles nicely into Covey’s folksy, ah shucks writing style. It’s easy to read and easy to digest. Some will call it wishful thinking – this is the new millennium after all. Families look different, entertainment looks different, you can have an electronic pet if you prefer. But I think Covey would say that we still want the same thing: parents want their children to grow up to be kind and respectful. We want to enjoy meaningful time with our family and friends. Children want to be understood and listened to. Though the times change human nature remains the same.
People come to these kinds of books with different expectations. For some the book will provide a few useful tips for navigating your family toward a known goal. Others will find it a godsend of wisdom. I find it hard to imagine a family that couldn’t benefit from a reading of the Habits for Families.
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Sep 26, 2012Erin rated it really liked it · review of another edition
Shelves: 2012, read-non-fiction, parenting
I read this as an audiobook which turned out to be a mistake. It's just too hard to absorb the ideas when you are driving, and I wanted to make notes and had to settle for voice memos. When I do a reread, as I should, I will read the paper or e-version.
That said, it was a sound book with a lot of good suggestions. We are actively working on our family dynamics so that we can bring our a-game in anticipation of another child, and this book gave my husband and I a lot of good talking points. I think that's the key to any self-help book like this: you're not going to change just from reading them, but you'll walk away with ideas and things to discuss with your partner, and that's where the change slowly seeps in. See, even "change" is too strong a word because it implies a problem, and you don't need to have a problem to get something from this book. It's more like adding a weight-lifting program to your fitness regime so that you can tone existing muscles. This helps you tone your family structure.
The 7 habits for my own reference are:
1. Be proactive:
rather than reactive
2. Establish a written family or personal mission statement:
Ok yes, this sounds cheesetastic, and no, we haven't done it yet, BUT it is an interesting discussion to talk about what you each think your family's core mission is. Why are you a family unit? What are you hoping to achieve?
3. Put first things first
Your family is first and should be a top priority. Really, actually schedule it on the calendar and treat it like a business meeting. The time is filled, you can't schedule anything else there. This is such a great suggestion, and one we've already put into practice. I had to turn down a fun invitation this Friday because I'd already committed to a storytime with my son. It was on the calendar, so I had that time blocked out for him, and I knew it was a priority for us.
4. Think "win-win"
Boy, isn't this life with a toddler? Every day we try to give him choices (so he feels independent) that we can live with (so we get what we need too). It seems that this extends into older children and family life.
5. Seek first to understand, then to be understood
I loved this one. One thing Covey said that I had to record was that when you love someone, you must love the things they love as much as you love the person themself to truly accept that person.
6. "Synergize"
Find a way to foster family unity through differences, not in spite of.
7. "Sharpen the saw"
Continually work on these 7 things (Covey offers the analogy of a person sawing for two hours to chop down a tree when someone asks if they have tried sharpening the saw. "are you crazy? I can't stop for that!") (less)
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Mar 01, 2015Heather rated it it was amazing
I really liked 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and in the context of families it makes even more sense.
7 Habits:
1: Use your agency/be proactive. Use the pause button to use 4 gifts.
2: Begin with the end in mind (personal, spouse, family motto/creed).
3: Put first things first (one-on-one time, family nights).
4. Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
5. Think win-win
6. Synergy
7. Sharpen the saw
Husband's comment: Covey is a genius. He has taken certain practices/principles of the LDS church and made them available to a general audience and made a fortune.
My favorite take away: the Emotional Bank Account; every interaction with a member of your family can either be a deposit or a withdrawal. (less)
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Nov 17, 2014Katie rated it it was amazing
Getting through this book was very difficult for me. Not because the content was bad, just because it was very...dense. (Also because I'm bad at reading.) If I was reading very meticulously as I am wont to do, I could only manage a couple pages before my brain was saturated. I think, honestly, it could've done with quite a few less stories and examples, and there were definitely times I felt like though something was quite interesting, it wasn't really necessary. You can tell the guy is very well-learned and...maybe wants to show it. Nevertheless it was all quite fascinating.
The content was really quite good in my opinion, though I'm not quite sure how to describe it. It isn't exactly a 7 step system as one would assume, as those are pretty straightforward. It's more like... 7 methodologies for living? Almost like, psychological principles.
It is definitely very wholesome which I appreciate. He covers the importance of spiritual, social-emotional, physical/economic, and mental aspects of life and their importance. He covers modeling and mentoring. Empathetic LISTENING. Creating a win-win situation instead of the win-lose our culture seems to follow. Making the important (not urgent) a priority in our life.
I would definitely recommend this book to anyone that is a part of a family, wants to have a family, or interacts with people. So basically, everyone. My only hesitation is just the length and density. I know there are abridged versions and cliff notes, those might be able to capture the essential methodologies so if you can't make it through the book, try those. Definitely worth having in your tool bag.
(P.S. I like how for our premarital counseling we were required to read several books that were no where near the quality of this. UGH GET IT TOGETHER, PEOPLE. I would HIGHLY recommend this for anyone getting married or especially recently married. THE END.) (less)
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Feb 12, 2010Barbara rated it it was amazing
Shelves: parenting, non-fiction
This book is the same content as The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, but with a particular emphasis and examples relating to families. I loved how it taught about teaching your children resposibility and how a parent can help most effectively while still letting your children learn. I am glad I read this book now as a fairly new parent because it has already made several things easier and I feel like a much better parent. Although Thom did not read this specific book, he has read The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and so we have had many good discussions on parenting techniques and what works for us. (less)
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Dec 03, 2017Donna rated it liked it
Shelves: non-fiction
I liked the overall message in this, but with me being such a raging cynic, I struggled with execution. I listened to the audio and it turned me off. It felt like a "let's hold hands - kumbaya fest". I don't know what it is, but that kind of thing gets my hackles up.
However, in spite of the cynic within, I did find that this book has some practical applications for strengthening families and how to keep things on a positive note. Keeping the end result in mind, was something I wholeheartedly agree with....particularly when it comes to discipline. (less)
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Oct 07, 2010JC rated it really liked it
Shelves: 2010, kindle, my-firsttime
I don't know how this book got on my kindle, but I am glad that I took the time to read it. I have never read the first book by Stephen Covey, but must say that I quite enjoyed this book and the habits that are presented here for making your family the most important in your life and the most successfully you can. I really like how this book starts out by talking about how we are off course 90% of the time in the family, and we must constantly work to get things back on track. This is a great reference book and one that I want to get my hands on so that I can write in it, highlight it, and make notes. I will definitely be rereading this book as I wasn't fully ready for all of the guidance given here. I highly recommend this book to everyone, single, married or otherwise. (less)
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Aug 10, 2010Aram rated it really liked it
The 7 Habits are the same, don't change. He just adapts the concepts to family life. The idea is to build a Highly effective family culture. I really enjoyed it and found some great concepts to implement at home right away.
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Feb 05, 2009Carrie rated it it was amazing
Shelves: parenting
Excellent! This is the book that inspired us to write our family mission statement.
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Mar 05, 2019Amanda Lewis rated it it was amazing
Everyone who is a member of a family should read this book (so that means everyone 😉). Stephen Covey takes the 7 Habits from “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” and teaches how they work within a family setting. He provides many different examples, stories, objects lessons, and facts to support and teach each Habit. I feel like this book is so full of good information it will be something that I need to continually come back and reference to. It’s more of a way of life then a book with a few good takeaways.
This book is all about changing a family from the “inside-out” and focusing on what is important- not necessary what is urgent. I can see how if these habits are put into practice (especially in the younger years) a family can thrive together through vision, communication, validation, and love. I appreciate my own parents caring enough to read and mark up this book and I hope that my children will feel the same when they are grown. (less)
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Jan 01, 2014Teresa Raetz rated it it was ok
I am an admirer of Stephen Covey and his seven habits so I was primed to like this book. There is some good stuff here about adapting the habits to family life, but the book has three large flaws. First, it's repetitive. The sections could each be about 1/3 to 1/2 the length but he repeats himself over and over. I understand the thing about people needing to hear things seven times to get it but this doesn't work well in a book. Second, Covey has very clear biases in favor of the traditional model where the wife stays home and the husband works (and of course same-sex couples don't exist in this world). He refers to single parents but this is apparently the only time it's acceptable for women to work. He's pretty explicit about this belief, going off on a lengthy tangent a little over halfway through and citing research but conveniently leaving out the research that doesn't support his bias. In a world where most mothers work, he gives no attention to how that changed a family. Then there was this: There are real life stories throughout and in one of them a woman tells a bizarre story from her teenaged years about a movie night at home with her mom, who was pregnant. The mom had a miscarriage while they were home alone but she subverted her feelings when her daughter found her in the bathroom. They cleaned up and went on as normal. The adult daughter reflecting back said "instead of wallowing in her grief...she cared more about my feelings than her own and turned what could have been a traumatic experience for me into a positive one." A POSITIVE experience? I found this disturbing. The mother didn't seek medical care or even have a chance to process the feelings and this is seen as a good thing? This is an example of how NOT to handle a miscarriage in my opinion. I didn't actually finish the book because this stopped me in my tracks. (less)
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Jun 30, 2011Michaela rated it really liked it
Shelves: reading-again
I'm very impressed with this book and anticipate that it will have a positive impact on the culture of my young family. I purchased the book after having a discussion with my husband about family mission statements. Our son was a year old at the time, and we felt compelled to approach our young family with deliberateness and intentionality. Every other endeavor in our lives had come after research, or it came with instructions. We feared that if we just free-styled family life then in thirty years we'd be left with regret and wondering how the hell we got there. Perhaps we'd also have a few good reports that things had "turned out" okay, but accidental results aren't always good.
This book has excellent principles which when put to use will empower a family to operate as a body (where the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, kind of thing), and have the strength to weather all the unexpected problems it will no doubt face. I've underlined a lot on the pages, and am excited for my husband to read it, too. Mostly I'm excited for when we sit down and write our Family Mission Statement which will determine the culture in which our children live.
My only complaint is that this book isn't good "literature". It's very, very long winded. Each chapter is enormous. The author has so many ways of restating a single point, that the chapters feel repetitive, too. But think of his book as more of a reference and you'll do fine. I intend to return to it over the years as challenges arise. In fact, it even has a topical index for just such a purpose. (less)
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Nov 09, 2013Diane Malikah Moomin Pinkston rated it it was amazing
Covey targeted several troubled areas families face having children, and, or struggles with personal growth and positive productively with focus on ideas of mediated hope, inspiration, and faith pursuing all that which is granted to those who strive for healthy relationships.
These techniques Covey suggests, trains the brain to activate emotions of empathy, honor, sincerity, significance, straightforwardness that is rooting in the heart of us to release; awareness, ease and flow of reasonable understanding, compassion and love towards our loved ones.
A task that takes little effort, and plenty rewards.
I recommend this book for prospective parents, parents, guardians, caretakers of children, or anyone who cares enough about our young people who may struggle with peer pressure, abuse, self identify, drugs, alcohol, unruly behavior, rebelliousness, and other obstacles that can obstruct them from becoming productive members of self first.
This book inspired me to create this quote: “Until we examine all opportunities for examination: talks, support groups, readings, understanding, practices and positive people with inspiration of contributions and the production of loving and healthy relationships, then we can rest to sure that we openly and gracefully changed our circumstances for the betterment with our own hands.”
Peace and Blessings, Malikah
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Aug 05, 2011Brian Bojo added it
Shelves: 2010
This book took me a while to read because I took extensive notes, which I do not normally do. Covey's 7 Habits as applied to families seek to promote what Covey calls "a beautiful family culture." The author points out that these habits can be applied to any family at any stage of life. To summarize, the 7 habits are as follows: (1) Be proactive rather than reactive; (2) Establish a written family mission statement and written family values; (3) Make family your top priority; (4) Try to create "win-win" scenarios; (5) Seek first to understand, then to be understood; (6) "Synergize", or put all of these together; and (7) "Sharpen the saw", or continually renew yourself and your family physically, mentally, socially, and emotionally.
Numerous anecdotes throughout the book, which are shared by Covey, his family members, and others, provide excellent illustration of the 7 habits. Those of us who learn well via the case method are well served. (less)
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Jan 11, 2012Steven rated it really liked it
I think the book has some really good information in it and lots of helpful stories. However, for me, the material wasn't fresh new material, therefore it was a little harder for me to get through the whole book. I felt like it beat a dead horse on most topics and could have been cut down from the 360+ pages (large ones too) to half that. However, in the books defense, I had previously read parts and pieces of the book, which helped make the material less useful. Also, I believe Dale Carnegies book covers much of the same material in far fewer words.
That said, it is a good book with many useful family specific stories and the information truly is powerful and potentiall life changing personally and for a family. I would guess that many would find it useful and would recommend anyone to read it if you're interesting in keeping your marriage strong, family strong, and all the individual relationships. (less)
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Aug 24, 2012Ashley rated it it was amazing
Even though I've had a lot of guides on how to raise a family correctly, this book gives specific ideas and slightly different concepts that really changed my way of viewing family relationships. I definitely want the type of family he describes and am excited to start a plan with my hubby to make it happen. I loved all the anecdotes and experiences included in the book (written by his children and other people who embraced the 7 Habits). To me they give specific examples of how I can apply the 7 habits in my life...which is often lacking in self-help books that are too general.
I recommend that every person who is part of a family read this book!!
(you'll want to read this one too. My husband started the audio version and even though it says it's unabridged...it doesn't have everything the book has, which to me, is abridged). (less)
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Nov 07, 2013Linn Wiggins rated it really liked it
Shelves: self-help
The things that stands out to me the most in this book is the bit written by Covey's wife, talking about finally "getting" what is important about family life as she is breastfeeding their 8th child, and examples of how they addressed various family crises and decisions with their kids.
They must have been so busy, with 8 kids and him on the road, yet they kept in mind the importance of balance between family, me time, their marriage and his career.
Really liked the toolkit as he explains for what worked for them and how to apply it.
The "family meetings" are a good concept in theory but would be difficult / ? not so effective for single parents (especially those with ex-partners uninterested in co-parenting) and withing small families.
But in terms of laying out a formula for maintaining balance within the busy-ness of family life, well worth a read and to refer back to.
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Apr 24, 2014Trung Nguyen rated it really liked it
This book should be entitled "The applications of the 7 habits of highly effective people to families", but then it would not have become a top-seller. Most of the habits or principles promoted in the book are related to the 7 habits described in its cousin title. In general it would be easier for individuals who have mastered or trying to master the 7 habits to apply them to domestic matters. A man / woman / father/ mother that boasts positive outlook will most likely increase the happiness of a house. Having said that, it contains valuable lessons from harmonious families across generations. Like any other self-help techniques, however, significant effort and perseverance is to be spent to develop these habits. Will re-read this book later on. (less)
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Jul 17, 2012Rebecca rated it really liked it
Shelves: brain-power
This book is so worth reading. I loved it. Stephen R. Covey makes a good argument for taking courage to change important things in our lives, and gives great direction in how to implement his 7 habits. If you've also read his other 7 Habits book, don't be deceived into thinking you know all there is to know about the subject. This book takes a different approach and is very much focused on the family. However, it takes the commitment of an individual to make a change.
This book is not for the faint-hearted. Once you read it, unless you're completely satisfied with your family life, it will stay with you because you've now been introduced to a better way. It's truly a life changing event to read and consider this book. I'm glad I did! (I just wish that I'd read it 15 years ago!) (less)
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Oct 30, 2010Kim rated it it was amazing
This was a great book! I've (Kim) read The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People as well, so I think my expectations of the book were maybe a little different than what the book actually was. However, we both loved this book! Again, this was a recommendation from a therapist friend of ours and it's easy to see why. We're one step closer to building our family the way we would like for it to be. This book had lots of great ideas and examples. It was a great read and a great shared experience as we talked about what we were reading. In fact, Trent and I were so inspired, we sat down and wrote our family mission statement. We had a great time doing it, and we are going to frame it and have it hanging in our home. (less)
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Aug 24, 2011Harley rated it it was amazing
Shelves: family
Again, another great book from Stephen Covey. It took me a while to read, as I'd have to stop and think about what was just said, and ponder on how I'm doing with my family. Lots of great examples and stories to illustrate the principles of the 7 Habits, and suggestions on how to use each chapter with your family. This is not a book to read once and then put away, it needs to be a reference book available for frequent reviews. Much of the material is "common sense", which seems so hard to follow in real life. The focus on the family is foundational to improving society in general, and the principles shown in this book will help you work with your family in creating this change. (less)
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Jan 28, 2009Ann rated it it was amazing
Shelves: nonfiction
about having family traditions and really listening to family members (aka kids)
very good, easy to read, learn and apply
Like a step by step strength training for families that we can adapt and grow with as our family changes.
Definitely easier to digest than the 7 Habits for Highly Effective People...
love the teen and kid versions too. Opens good conversations with our children, so we can all grow a healthy family together.
Now I understand why/how Thoughts lead to Feelings,
Feelings lead to Beliefs,
Beliefs lead to Actions,
Actions lead to Results,
Results lead to Thoughts,
and Thoughts again lead to Feelings,
etc...
interesting cycle in the stories of our lives. (less)
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Dec 22, 2014Emi Bevacqua rated it did not like it · review of another edition
Recommends it for: nobody, ever.
Shelves: non-fiction, parenting, religious, self-help
Stephen Covey can take something like "paying attention to your children is a good idea," and end up taking credit for inventing the notion, or make it sound like it's something that only church-goers can do properly. I could not get past the Covey family's faith-based smarmy tone, and much of the data in this book is now outdated. There were a couple interesting facts, like the bit about how the home and work have switched places as far as venues for adult relaxation, and a scenario that might work for getting kids to take on responsibility for yard-maintenance. (less)
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