Charlotte Kasl Books

Charlotte Kasl (Author of If the Buddha Dated) | Goodreads

Charlotte Kasl

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The United States

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http://charlottekasl.com/

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Charlotte Sophia Kasl, PhD, is a U.S. psychologist and author.

She pioneered the 16-Steps for Discovery and Empowerment as an alternative to the Twelve-step program for recovery from addiction, compulsion, or other behavioral problems.

She wrote several books based on some aspects of Sufi, Quaker, and Buddhist spiritual beliefs and traditions.

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CHARLOTTE KASL’S BOOKS

Average rating: 4.13 · 4,790 ratings · 435 reviews · 19 distinct works • Similar authors

	If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path by  Charlotte Kasl  4.12 avg rating — 2,688 ratings — published 1999 — 18 editions	Want to Read Rate this book 1 of 5 stars2 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars
	If the Buddha Got Stuck: A Handbook for Change on a Spiritual Path by  Charlotte Kasl  4.13 avg rating — 783 ratings — published 2005 — 19 editions	Want to Read Rate this book 1 of 5 stars2 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars
	If the Buddha Married: Creating Enduring Relationships on a Spiritual Path by  Charlotte Kasl  4.10 avg rating — 625 ratings — published 2001 — 16 editions	Want to Read Rate this book 1 of 5 stars2 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars
	Women, Sex, and Addiction by  Charlotte Kasl  4.37 avg rating — 222 ratings — published 1900	Rate this book 1 of 5 stars2 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars
	If the Buddha Had Kids: Raising Children to Create a More Peaceful World by  Charlotte Kasl  4.13 avg rating — 165 ratings — published 2012 — 13 editions	Rate this book 1 of 5 stars2 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars
	Many Roads, One Journey: Moving Beyond the 12 Steps by  Charlotte Kasl  4.19 avg rating — 140 ratings — published 1994 — 4 editions	Rate this book 1 of 5 stars2 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars
	Finding Joy: 101 Ways to Free Your Spirit and Dance with Life by  Charlotte Kasl  3.96 avg rating — 101 ratings — published 1994 — 6 editions	Rate this book 1 of 5 stars2 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars
	A Home for the Heart: Creating Intimacy and Community with Loved Ones, Neighbors, and Friends by  Charlotte Kasl  4.52 avg rating — 25 ratings — published 1997 — 2 editions	Want to Read Rate this book 1 of 5 stars2 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars
	Zen And The Art Of Falling In Love by  Charlotte Kasl  3.65 avg rating — 17 ratings — published 1999 — 3 editions	Want to Read Rate this book 1 of 5 stars2 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars
	If the Buddha Were in Love: The Spiritual Guide to Love and Intimacy by  Charlotte Kasl  4.23 avg rating — 13 ratings — published 2001	Want to Read Rate this book 1 of 5 stars2 of 5 stars3 of 5 stars4 of 5 stars5 of 5 stars

More books by Charlotte Kasl…

Charlotte Kasl Quotes

Charlotte Kasl > Quotes

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“The only sure path is to live consciously, moment to moment, as you let go of the outcome.”

― Charlotte Kasl

21 likesLike

“Staying loyal to your journey means you never abandon yourself by compromising your integrity or discounting your intuition or the signals that come from your body—the knot in the gut, emotional detachment, or loss of energy that signals something is amiss.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

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“Our refuge is being exactly where we are - not dramatizing problems by replaying them in our heads, telling stories to our friends, eliciting sympathy and convincing ourselves that this is a very big deal. Our refuge is in the stillness of being the compassionate witness to our panic and fear - not judging it as good or bad, just accepting the what is of the moment.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

tags: refuge, stillness11 likesLike

“Instead of trying to freeze the present moment and hang on to it, we need to remember that life is a process of constantly letting go. The ego wants dependable rituals and people who stay the same. But to be free means that we enjoy this touch, this kiss, this sunrise, and then let it go. This is sometimes described as not letting the ground under your feet get too solid, not grasping for security or predictability.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

tags: freedom, impermeance11 likesLike

“If you put sexual attraction on a scale of one to ten, where ten equals "you can't keep your hands off each other,"five equals "you can take it or leave it," and one equals "repulsed," to support a vibrant relationship, it should be at least a seven, preferably an eight, nine, or ten. With work, you might raise the attraction one notch, but because there is so much biochemistry involved in sexual attraction, it's hard to do much more than that. So if a sexual attraction doesn't evolve, remember, it's not anyone's fault and it's just the what is of your pairing, and you might make better friends than lovers.

Sexual attraction doesn't have to be instantaneous on first meeting, but it must eventually flower because it provides a basic glue for successful conjugal union. If we're not sexually alive to our beloved, it often leads to a subdued relationship, loneliness, affairs, or lots of fantasies.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

tags: attraction9 likesLike

“Every time we open one door, we close another. It's lovely to spend Sunday morning with our new love, cooking breakfast and taking a walk together. But in the midst of our happiness, we may feel nostalgia for our former Sunday morning ritual of uninterrupted time alone at a favorite restaurant reading the newspaper. We need to acknowledge the presence of both excitement and loss, to feel their rhythm as they ebb and flow through a new relationship. If we try to deny our losses, they lead to resentments, a gnawing discomfort, and a desire to withdraw.

Yet we also need to remind our ego that love means letting go of our entrenched rituals, of comparing, of wanting life to stay the same...Entering a relationship and living in the heart of the Beloved means our life will change, our shells will crack open and we will never be the same again.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

tags: change9 likesLike

“Instead of turning our heads from pain, we merge with it, neither holding on to it nor pushing it away, becoming instead an instrument of transformation. Recently, on my early morning drive to a health club, I saw a deer in the middle lane, trying to get up, but obviously crippled. Her eyes looked confused and frightened. As I drove by, I breathed in her pain and breathed out a blessing. I could feel a dark cloud swirling inside of me, but I also had an image of a deer running freely in the woods. I can never know if it helped her, but something loosened inside of me. Instead of turning away from her pain, I joined her. It was then I realized more deeply the power of Tonglin...

When you feel hurt, confused, lonely, or sad, breathe into your pain, feel it, be with it, then breathe out an image of clarity, light, and a blessing. This alone will start to change your life.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

tags: meditation, tonglin8 likesLike

“Ego says: I want someone to fill me up. Spirit says: I'll have someone to help me wake up, to challenge my blind spots and be a companion and playmate on the journey.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

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“On the spiritual path we must become a gentle warrior--curious, kind, and alert to our own con games--whispering to ourselves, wake up.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

tags: spiritual-awakening, spiritual-path7 likesLike

“If we succumb to fear, we start holding back, and do that all-to-common dance of getting close, then pulling away. When we remember that our safe harbor depends on our awareness and honesty, we're less likely to make internal compromises, put on masks, or act like a chameleon to attract a partner or keep a hurtful relationship together. If we live by truth, we may have pain, but we will always rest securely in ourselves.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

tags: awareness, honesty7 likesLike

“We feel connected one moment and disconnected the next. A tender sexual moment will never be exactly the same. Every breath we take connects us to life, then passes, until a new breath fills us. We move through new developmental and spiritual stages, daily, weekly... we stop the flow the moment we try to hold on to anything...

You partner with someone as they are in this moment. The vitality can remain if you adventure forth, side by side savoring the moment to moment shifts that inevitably arise as you both stay open to the journey. We need to look at each other anew every day, with clear eyes and an open mind, so we see the person of today, not an image from the past.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

tags: impermeance6 likesLike

“If in a relationship there is no tension [meaning no deepening of knowledge of self and others], it ceases to be a relationship and merely becomes a comfortable sleep state, an opiate - which most people want and prefer.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

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“Generosity says a great deal about a person's emotional and spiritual development. When it's hard to give, or it feels like ripping away a part of the self, we are still anchored in our attachments or stories we've created about scarcity. If this applies to you, make friends with the part of you that feels resentful or finds it difficult to give.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

tags: generosity5 likesLike

“We're like the teenager who "will die" if he or she can't go to a certain rock concert or see a certain friend. Because we tell ourselves it's absolutely crucial that [things should be a certain way right now] we create turmoil and anxiety. It's not [the way things are] that causes pain, it's the meaning we give to these events and our demand that such things not happen. While we can have preferences, the minute we start insisting that people and situations be different, we create internal turmoil - anger, hostility, sadness, and so on. It's our attachments that lead us to donning a mask, blaming others, or feeling incomplete.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

tags: attachment5 likesLike

“• Our longing is also our desire to be known completely. Imagine having your beloved look tenderly into your eyes, knowing all your secrets, having seen you be crabby and sweet, selfish and generous, and still truly loving you. Imagine being able to do the same. That is the potential of a conscious relationship.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

tags: inspirational, life, love, relationship5 likesLike

“The more we commit to knowing and accepting ourselves, the more we are able to surrender to loving another person because we have nothing to hide and nothing to feel ashamed of. Our spiritual commitment to truth and integrity creates a safe harbor within us- a mooring, a home to return to when the journey gets rough, This is immensely important in the dating process because new love can resurrect our most primitive feelings of fear, dependency, and emptiness. If we know how to soothe our pain and relax into or emptiness, we won't be afraid to be open and honest, regardless of the outcome.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

tags: awareness, dating, love, relationships, self-love4 likesLike

“The only way of full knowledge lies in the act of love; this act transcends thought, it transcends words. It is the daring plunge into the experience of union. To love somebody is not just a strong feeling—it is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

4 likesLike

“On the spiritual path, the purpose of my relationship is to wake up and get to know ourselves and our lover, thoroughly, without judgment or pride. On the spiritual path, we enter into a shared union where we cherish and give to each other, expanding our ability to love unconditionally. We would also accept that the process an be awkward, unpredictable, challenging, and surprising.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

tags: dating, love, relationships, spiritual-path, unconditional-love3 likesLike

“More than anything else, I want myself. I want to live with integrity and truth. I’m not going to hide the jewel of who I am, nor will I mask my imperfections. No bargains, no avoiding reality, no conning myself, no lies.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

3 likesLike

“Love brings up anything that is hiding.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

tags: dating, love, relationships3 likesLike

“Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

3 likesLike

“Remember, it’s better to speak up and let a relationship fall apart than to live in fear, or sacrifice your integrity.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

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“I want this music and this dawn and the warmth of your cheek against mine. —R”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

2 likesLike

“Some of the often told stories we use to con ourselves: It’s getting better. Nobody’s perfect. S/he had a hard childhood. I know s/he really loves me, s/he just has a hard time showing it. S/he has so much potential. I’m sure it will get better. Don’t ever marry potential or plan on someone changing. Ask yourself, why would it get better? Why would this person change?”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

2 likesLike

“Trust your observations and intuitive responses. Bring up your concerns as they appear.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

2 likesLike

“there is a circular relationship between our ability to know and love another and our ability to know and love ourselves.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

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“Sufism is about connecting with the intuitive parts of ourselves so that we can attune to the highest vibration in the universe, which is pure love. It's about joining together in the mystical heart.”

― Charlotte Kasl

tags: sufism1 likesLike

“Just as children thrive with loving kindness from a caregiver, so too we are sustained by friendship, spiritual nurture, and a sense of belonging throughout our lives. 34.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Got Stuck: A Handbook for Change on a Spiritual Path

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“Just bringing our full attention to what we are doing, and when we are done, we go home. But we are forever changed—while the performance is over, the music now lives within us.”

― Charlotte Kasl, If the Buddha Got Stuck: A Handbook for Change on a Spiritual Path

1 likesLike

Yes You Can: A Guide to Empowerment Groups Books Charlotte Kasl

Yes You Can: A Guide to Empowerment Groups - Kasl, Charlotte, Ph.D. | 9780964452008 | Amazon.com.au | Books


Yes You Can: A Guide to Empowerment Groups Paperback – 1 February 1995
by Ph.D. Kasl, Charlotte (Author)

4.7 out of 5 stars 9 ratings

Paperback
$579.22
3 Used from $52.363 New from $576.00

Yes You Can! provides an invaluable source of support and information 

for people wanting a model that is holistic, socially conscious, flexible and positive. Based on love, not fear, this 16-step healing model addresses the underlying roots of addiction through the steps and the accompanying exercises. 

Yes You Can! takes people from recovery to discovery, empowerment, and joy.

Castle Consulting
Publication date  1995
====
Customer Reviews:
4.7 out of 5 stars 9 ratings

About the authors

Charlotte Sophia Kasl


There are 21 translations of 42 foreign editions with 800,000 in print of Charlotte Kasl's books which include some titles such as; the If The Buddha series, Women's Love, Sex, and Addiction, Many Roads One Journey, Finding Joy, A Home For The Heart, Yes You Can!, and more. Please check out additional books and articles available by Charlotte Kasl on Amazon.

Charlotte Kasl has an M.A. in Piano from The University of Michigan, and a Ph.D. in Counseling from Ohio University in 1982. She was a Licensed Psychologist in Minnesota for 15 years and is currently a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor in Montana. She is a Certified Addiction Specialist in the areas of chemical dependency and sexuality and has had a private psychotherapy practice for more than 30 years. She is the author of nine books and numerous articles.

Dr. Kasl has conducted a wide variety of workshops on relationships, addiction, sexuality, spirituality, community, healing from incest and abuse, casting out internalized oppression, preventing burn out, quantum healing, empowerment, and finding joy, both in the United States and abroad. Her groundbreaking book Many Roads, One Journey: Moving Beyond the 12 Steps, published in 1992, introduced a 16-step empowerment approach for overcoming addiction that focuses on finding one's voice, building confidence, taking action on one's behalf, and understanding addiction in a cultural context. It has been used throughout the United States and Canada, as well as Europe, to assist in overcoming trauma, addiction, and depression.

In 1987, she was part of a task force funded by the Department of Human Services in Minnesota to create a model treatment program for chemically dependent women. She was on the advisory board of The Women's Recovery Network, The Women's Action Alliance for Alcohol and Drug Education, and invited twice by the National Center for Substance Abuse Prevention to participate in a synthesis conference to make recommendations on the needs of women. She has consulted with numerous treatment programs and served on several advisory boards, such as The Organization for Secular Sobriety, known as Save OurSelves (SOS).

Dr. Kasl is also a founding member of ATTACH, The Association for the Teaching and Training in the Attachment of Children. In 1997, she received a Lifetime Achievement Award from the National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, (now knows as SASH Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health) for her work with women and sexuality. In 2000, If the Buddha Dated was one of five finalists for the National Books for Better Living Awards. In addition, she was listed in Self magazine as one of 50 "sage" psychologists in the United States.

In her psychotherapy therapy practice, Dr. Kasl takes an empowering approach by helping people address the core issues underlying depression, anxiety, addictions, and relationship difficulties. She works with numerous therapeutic approaches, such as ego state therapy, hypnosis, quantum psychology, EMDR, cognitive therapy, and emotionally focused therapy for couples. She is also an avid hiker, pianist, and has been a Reiki Master Healer since 1983.

www.charlottekasl.com

Ph.D. Kasl, Charlotte

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4.7 out of 5 stars



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JmyLo
5.0 out of 5 stars You do have the power to change.

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on 18 October 2018

This book is changing my life so so much. A must for any woman struggling with addiction. Much deeper look than what I was getting in 12 step programs.

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Angie
5.0 out of 5 stars Fierce Self Love

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on 15 November 2013
Verified Purchase

Very good book to work thru the 16 steps even on one's own. I purchased for this reason as starting a group is not in the cards for me right now, and I wanted to walk this path of empowerment and freedom.

6 people found this helpful

Shirley E. Lewis
5.0 out of 5 stars Five StarsReviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on 27 July 2015
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For people, especially women, who are sick of having AA jammed down their throats.

7 people found this helpfulReport abuse

artistwannabe
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book, but the photo was not the book ...Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on 13 October 2014
Verified Purchase

Great book, but the photo was not the book I got. I got a different edition than the green one pictured.
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Yes You Can: 16 Steps for Discovery and Empowerment Kindle Edition
by Charlotte Kasl (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

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$13.78 to buy

Healing from Trauma and Addiction Love, Strength and Power

If The Buddha Dated - A Handbook For Finding Love On A Spiritual Path |Charlotte Kasl

If The Buddha Dated - A Handbook For Finding Love On A Spiritual Path | PDF
https://www.scribd.com/document/504028636/If-the-Buddha-Dated-A-Handbook-for-Finding-Love-on-a-Spiritual-Path

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If the Buddha Dated -A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path

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praise for if the buddha dated


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If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love on a Spiritual Path


Charlotte Kasl


4.12
2,688 ratings253 reviews

In this practical, playful, yet spiritual guide, Charlotte Kasl, author of the highly successful Finding Joy: 101 Ways to Free Your Spirit and Dance with Life, shows you what it would be like to have the ancient wisdom of the Buddha to guide you through the dating process. 

Kasl brings a compassionate understanding to the anxiety and uneasiness of new love, and helps readers discover their potential for vibrant human connection based on awareness, kindness, and honesty. 

She approaches the dating process as a means for awakening, reminding us that when we live by spiritual rules, we bring curiosity and a light heart to the romantic journey. 

Filled with quotations from Zen, Sufi, and other wisdom traditions, and informed by the experiences of people from all walks of life, here is a relationship book that will appeal to readers looking for more than a Venus-meets-Mars solution to the complex affairs of the heart.

212 pages, Paperback
First published February 1, 1999

Published  1999 by Penguin Group

Kindle EditionPenguin Books1999

ebookPenguin Group1999

PaperbackAltamira

Audio CDTantor Media2010

Audio CDTantor Media2010
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About the author


Charlotte Kasl19 books66 followers

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Displaying 1 - 10 of 252 reviews


Michelle
111 reviews7 followers

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April 5, 2012

What an appropriate book at this point in my life. After many failed romances and at the tender age of 22, I was starting to become a little cynical. This book redirected me to a healthier and more loving place--a place where I learn to love and respect myself before getting involved with anyone else. 

Yes, the urge to feel loved and have romance in my life is still there but now I look at it with different eyes--now I ask myself, what is this loneliness signaling? 

Am I loving and nurturing myself fully right now? 

I am learning, albeit slowly, how to soothe my own anxieties and tenderly love myself without resorting to dating. 

It's a tough journey, especially for someone admittedly has a "dating addiction" but this book has surely helped a lot.

Kasl, an incredibly fascinating woman, begins with a little background on Buddhism and reminding the reader of the 4 noble truths: 

suffering is inherent to life, 

we create our suffering through attachments and demands that things be different than they are, 

we can ease our suffering by ceasing our endless demands and accepting the what is of life, and 

the last truth which is: through complete acceptance of the what is in life and recognizing the superficial desires we harbor, we learn to live in peace and love.

 With this in mind, we can contemplate on how we push our agendas on the world and, subsequently, other people (including and especially our love interests) Admittedly, I struggle with this constantly (and it was very apparent in my most recent relationships) so it definitely hit home and called for some self-reflection.

In addition, Kasl discusses how anxiety is inherent in most relationships because they resurrect the feelings of attachment we had with our mother or primary caregiver. We were once completely merged with our mother and, unconsciously, we still desire that feeling of complete and utter connection. We want someone to take care of us, soothe us, comfort us. But we are adults now. Therein lies the problem. 

She reminds us that this trap is easy to fall into, especially when first starting a relationship. Kasl is adamant about this fact--that we need to be happy with ourselves and be okay with letting a relationship end, if it does. 

Our ego tricks us into getting into a state of panic at the possibility of loss but if we relax and realize that this is just a moment in life and that people will always come and go (and that we will continue to live) we will be happier and appreciative of the learning experiences that come with each relationship.

Throughout the book, Kasl always mentions how the most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves and how if we learn to fully love and accept every aspect of ourselves, we will be tremendously happy, in or out of a relationship :)



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Steph
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September 15, 2022
i was a little hesitant to read this because it feels somewhat sus for (white) authors to profit off of buddhism as a self-helpy trend. (kasl was a psychologist, and wrote several books that apply buddhist ideologies to various areas of life) and i would like to explore any criticism or discourse about the representation of buddhism here... but ideally books like this can make buddhist thought more accessible to folks who don't know much about it.

anyway. the book doesn't delve deeply enough into either buddhism or relationship psychology to make me feel like i have a firm understanding of anything new, but it is filled with many small and comforting nuggets of wisdom. and kasl does focus on some inner child stuff, which i definitely appreciate.

the short chapters each focus on an idea or stage of dating or relationships. many of these don't apply to me at the moment, but i could see value in returning to the book later. maybe it'd be helpful to revisit key chapters whenever you need a new perspective on a particular topic you're experiencing in your life. different wisdoms for different phases.

the book is often dated (as it was published in 1999! kasl mentions a coming out workshop led by chaz bono and uses his deadname, and talks about the trend of telephone dating services. it's an interesting blast from the past). but kasl, then in her 60s, was openly bisexual and seems like she was a pretty cool lady. i enjoyed the personal stories she weaves into the book.

one of the main themes here is that we must treat ourselves and our partners with respect and care, and approach life with an attitude of openness and curiosity. everything is ephemeral, but by seeking understanding and embracing change, we can live life more fully and be more present.

other messages of note:

‣ it's our attachments and expectations that cause us suffering. becoming mindful of these can help us to eventually be free of them, and to enjoy the good things that we do have. "All transformation starts with awareness."

‣ compassion is sacred. "When you say good-bye to someone or decide not to see them again, remember you are a moment in their story. Make it a story that doesn't leave a scar."

‣ "When we don't find meaning in life, we seek stimulation instead."

‣"If you want something to happen, help it happen (...) People who get results are usually excellent at making specific requests bolstered by self-confidence. They enjoy stretching their limits and experimenting. They also believe they deserve what they are asking for."

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John
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June 20, 2012
A practical and thoughtful dialogue. This book has somewhat hard to swallow advice that may change your life. It is informed by various spiritual traditions, and places the emphasis of relationships toward a questioned approach. What it is that you and your partner need. What can you do to open yourself up to finding someone. Who are you? What have you not accepted in the past, what does your intuition tell you about where you are right now.

It was also helpful for me even though my focus is more on jobs and finding work. Some exercise were fun too like writing a personal ad based on your who you really are. ie: "Often late, forgetful m looking for slender wf to make himself feel better about life." haha, so true for many men including myself. Not something I try to be, but something that society tells us will give us control or power or happiness.

It also got you to write out what you really felt was your essence and how a partner could inform that, and how you could come to terms with growing within those conditions

Mostly th I think the most important lesson is that is one of the noble truths taught in Buddhism and other spiritual traditions is that attachment leads to suffering. This book is a good way to gently guide us to exist with those emotions.

To stay with fear, to stick with it.



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Hannah
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July 20, 2014

Okay, so, in all honestly, I'm really embarrassed to admit I read this book. 

If there are two topics of public conversation that make me squirmy it's love and spirituality. 

And god forbid someone see me standing anywhere near the self-help section of a bookstore. But, hey, a close, trusted friend recommended that I read this book and I'm really glad she did. 

It's not particularly well-written and - I say this with utter seriousness - the whimsical font-design choices really almost made me give up before I even started. 

But I was curious! I guess this is the part where I have to admit that I am newly in love and that, despite all the reasons to feel only so-so about this book, it was really great for critical self-examination and honest reflection. This book gave me the tools to do the kind of work I was trying to do by myself. 

Reading this book and taking it to heart years ago would have saved me from a great deal of stress, aggravation, anxiety, and wasted time; but reading it now was a pleasant confirmation that I'm on the right track in my own development as a person and romantic partner. 

I found it to be a helpful catalyst for assessing my romantic situation honestly. I would never presume to call myself a Buddhist; however, I found Buddhist philosophy to be a useful lens through which to view and evaluate love. 

It was difficult for me to relate wholeheartedly to the concept of being "on a spiritual path," as well as some of the more woo-woo ideas about assessing compatibility (astrological charts, handwriting analysis), but I took much more from this book than I put into it, so in that regard it is a success. 

I would recommend this book to anyone in pursuit of love/commitment (including, or rather ESPECIALLY those pursuing a higher degree of self-love) and willing to engage with difficult questions. It's hard to face yourself full-on, and for me, even harder to admit it, but it's important work and this book was an accessible way to get there.

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Geordie Korper
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January 1, 2013
When the student is ready the teacher will appear. Thanks Kris for giving me this book all those years ago when I put it on the shelf unread.

There came a moment in my life where I needed to remember how to be authentically committed to a person without being attached to a specific result; to be in the moment with my commitments but no expectations. This book was sitting there on my shelf and gave me a little insight into how that might be possible.

It is not a perfect book but then what book is? It really isn't all that buddhist for example. Also there are a few examples where the author clearly missed the point. It is not enough to breathe in suffering and breathe out love and compassion. Sometimes you need to get off your effing butt and tend to the wounded.

That being said it's a fast read any you might get some value out of it if you are willing to keep what is worth keeping and blow the rest away.

Oh, the comfort --
The inexpressible comfort of feeling
safe with a person,
Having neither to weigh thoughts,
Nor measure words -- but pouring them
All right out -- just as they are --
Chaff and grain together --
Certain that a faithful hand will
Take and sift them --
Keep what is worth keeping --
and with the breath of kindness
Blow the rest away.



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Sylwia
1,132 reviews27 followers

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June 27, 2015

One of my main criterion for reviewing a book is to assess how much it has taught me. For that, this book deserves many more than five stars, it deserves one for each chapter. This book clearly respects and honors love and it does it through various mentally healthy-spiritual-psychological lenses. 

I cried many times reading it and I feel that it has changed me. Sometimes I spend an entire day remembering a chapter. I cannot recommend this enough, to both singles and nonsingles.

책을 리뷰하는 주요 기준 중 하나는 책이 나에게 얼마나 많은 것을 가르쳐 주었는지 평가하는 것입니다. 그런 점에서 이 책은 별 다섯 개 이상을 받을 자격이 있습니다. 각 장마다 별 하나를 받을 자격이 있습니다. 이 책은 분명히 사랑을 존중하며 다양한 정신적-영성적-심리적 렌즈를 통해 사랑을 다룹니다. 나는 이 책을 읽고 여러 번 울었고 책은 나를 변화시킨 것 같습니다. 때때로 나는 한 챕터를 생각하면서 하루 종일을 보낸다. 독신과 비독신 모두에게 이것을 아무리 추천해도 모자랄 것 같습니다.

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Colleen Wainwright
244 reviews50 followers

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April 29, 2013

I read this book every few years, usually around the time I think I'm ready for another relationship. Every time I do, I'm reminded that the relationship I'm really craving is with myself, and the All-That-Is. In other words, this is a sweet little book about traveling the Path, whether or not the Path takes you alongside someone else's Path. 

If it does, there are a number of lovely little essays and tools that may help you avert the crazy pitfalls you generally hit in (or out of) relationship; if not, there's plenty of good, comforting, soul-satisfying material to keep you happily moving forward on your own.

how-to nonfiction relationships
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Alex
185 reviews14 followers

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September 10, 2012
This book caught my eye on the shelf at an interesting time: an intriguing character had just entered my life and then left just as quickly, after entrancing me with his spirituality and shocking me with his dismissal and disappearance. A truly inspiring conversation with this person led me to consider an approach to life that welcomes the present moment and opens myself to the possibilities around me for love — in essence, the message of If the Buddha Dated.

One thing that made the material in Kasl's "handbook" hard to digest was the unclear structure and a lack of relatable examples. She elaborates on the experiences of many couples and individuals, but their realism doesn't truly resonate with the reader, because the characters, as it were, are so far removed from us. This was, at least, my opinion. As such, many of the examples were forgettable, but the main takeaway for me had several levels: 1) love will be ready for you when you are ready for it; 2) refuting expectations in life is difficult but necessary for fulfillment; and 3) the principles of Buddhism and Sufism appeal to me very much, spiritually.

If the Buddha Dated was an excellent gateway to spiritual thought for me, and I think it has started me down a meaningful new path.
2012
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Sydney Stuberg
17 reviews2 followers

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October 18, 2020
Not enough people openly discuss the relationship they have with themselves or with their partners even though both are incredibly influential on our lives and well-being. This book is excellent for self reflection and understanding your deepest desires as an individual as well as going into a spiritual understanding of your upbringing and letting go of habits that no longer serve you. Everyone can learn something from this whether single, in a relationship, spiritual, or not. Will definitely be going back to reference this at a later date.

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Melissa
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June 19, 2009
This book is very enjoyable and supremely helpful to everyone I've known who's read it. It was highly recommended to me by a good friend about two years ago. I am about to read it again, for the third time! If you want to be open and honest with life and others, able to love them by first loving all parts of yourself and live compassionately, this book's for you! I promise it will help you to release some of your fears, false perceptions and worries. It really is so good as to make you want to read it over an over again. There is another one by Kasl (many) called: If the Buddha Married but I am confident that this book is extremely practical and helpful to human beings, male or female, married or unmarried. Enjoy!! Pass it on . . .

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