Showing posts with label Engaged Buddhism. Show all posts

2022/06/02

알라딘: 틱낫한 스님이 말하는 섹스, 그리고 사랑Fidelity _ how to create a loving relationship that lasts

https://www.scribd.com/document/528963403/Fidelity-how-to-create-a-loving-relationship-that-lasts-Thich-Nhat-Hanh-PDFDrive

Fidelity - How To Create A Loving Relationship That Lasts - Thich Nhat Hanh (PDFDrive)

Fidelity _ how to create a loving relationship that lasts_Thich Nhat Hanh( PDFDrive )

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What does Fidelity mean?

fidelity, allegiance, fealty, loyalty, devotion, piety mean faithfulness to something to which one is bound by pledge or duty. fidelity implies strict and continuing faithfulness to an obligation, trust, or duty. marital fidelity allegiance suggests an adherence like that of citizens to their country.

Fidelity Definition & Meaning - Merriam-Websterhttps://www.merriam-webster.com › dictionary › fidelity

추천글

세계적으로 영향력이 높은 불교 지도자들 중 달라이 라마에 버금가는 틱낫한 스님이 현대인에게 지혜를 선사한다. - 뉴욕 타임스

쉼 없는 친절함으로 틱낫한 스님은 낭만적인 행복으로 가는 과정은 또한 연민의 과정이라는 것을 알려준다. - 수전 파이버 (<The Wisdom of a Broken Heart>의 저자)

틱낫한 스님은 쉽고, 정확하고, 진정으로 영감을 주는 방법으로 사람들의 정신세계를 파고든다. - 더 선

살아있는 현인이라 불러도 좋을 만큼 인자한 틱낫한 스님은 우리에게 익숙한 여러 가지 혼란스러운 상황을 불교의 지혜를 빌려와 해결한다. - 마크 네포 (『일깨움의 책』『마음이 볼 수 있는 한』의 저자)

이 책을 추천한 다른 분들 :

한겨레 신문

- 한겨레 신문 2014년 3월 3일자 교양 새책

저자 및 역자소개

틱낫한 (Thich Nhat Hanh) (지은이)

세계에서 가장 존경받는 영적 지도자이자 선불교의 스승, 그리고 사회 변화를 위한 행동가이다.1926년 베트남에서 출생, 열여섯 살이던 1942년에 선불교에 입문하여 승려가 되었다. 1961년 미국으로 건너가 프린스턴대학교와 컬럼비아대학교에서 비교종교학을 공부했으며, 불교사상의 사회적 실천과 사회 문제에 대한 적극적 참여를 기본 정신으로 하는 ‘참여 불교(Engaged Buddhism)’를 주창하며 다양한 사회 운동을 펼쳤다. 이후 베트남 전쟁이 발발하자 전 세계를 돌며 반전평화운동을 전개하다가 베트남 정권에 의해 귀국 금지 조치를 ... 더보기

최근작 : <평화 되기>,<천천히 가라, 숨 쉬며 그리고 웃으며>,<틱낫한 지구별 모든 생명에게> … 총 1071종 (모두보기)

신소영 (옮긴이)

연세대학교 영어영문학과를 졸업한 후, 이화여자대학교 통번역대학원 한영번역과에 재학 중이다. 역서로는 『팔지 않고 사게 만드는 판매원칙 33』 , 『비즈니스는 신뢰다』 등이 있다. 현재 전문 통번역가로 활동하고 있다.

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출판사 제공 책소개

전 세계인의 정신적 스승, 틱낫한 스님이 전하는 진정한 사랑의 의미!

하룻밤 스쳐지나가는 인스턴트 사랑이 넘쳐나는 현대사회에서 진실하고 참된 사랑을 하기 위해서는 어떻게 해야 할까? 이 책에서 틱낫한 스님은 점점 진실한 사랑을 잃어가고 있는 현대인들에게 마음챙김과 집중, 그리고 지혜를 통해 자기 자신에 대한 이해와 사랑을 바탕으로 연인, 가족, 다른 사람들과 올바른 사랑과 관계 맺기를 할 수 있는 방법을 소개한다. 감각적이고 육체적인 사랑이 아닌 정신적으로 교감할 수 있는 진실한 사랑의 의미와 행복에 이르는 길을 따라가 보자.

“진실한 사랑에서 행복이란 각자의 문제가 아니다. 사랑을 하는 사람과 사랑받는 사람을 구별하지 않는다. 당신의 고통은 곧 나의 고통이며 나의 행복이 곧 당신의 행복이다. 사랑하는 사람과 사랑받는 사람은 한 몸이다.”

진실한 사랑

이 책의 저자인 틱낫한 스님은 사랑이 기본적으로 감각적 욕망에 뿌리를 두고 있기 때문에 감각적이고 성적인 욕망에 바탕을 둔 사랑은 오히려 우리의 자유를 손상시키고 고통을 주지만 올바르고 진실한 사랑을 하게 되면 고통이 생겨나지 않고, 휴식, 기쁨, 평화를 즐길 수 있게 만든다.

사람들은 모두 정서적 친밀감을 얻기 위해 사랑을 찾지만 그것들은 대부분 하룻밤 사랑으로 끝나버리고, 이러한 육체적 관계는 외로움과 고통으로 귀결된다. 따라서 영적 친밀감을 얻는 사랑이 필요하다.

인간의 원초적 욕망은 생존이다. 사람들은 죽음과 고독이 두려워 사랑을 찾는다. 이처럼 사랑은 기본적으로 감각적 욕망에 그 뿌리를 두고 있기 때문에 감각적이고 성적인 욕망에 바탕을 둔 사랑은 오히려 우리의 자유를 손상시키고 고통을 준다.

을 갈망하는 마음을 끊으면 두려움이 사라진다. 갈망의 뿌리는 습관의 에너지, 콤플렉스이다. 우리는 자신의 재능과 아름다움을 증명할 사람과 함께 하고 싶어 한다는 사실을 깨달아야 한다.

외로움과 고통의 변화

우리는 사랑의 대상을 찾기 전에 우리 자신을 이해할 시간이 부족하다. 우리는 외로움과 고독감에 소모적인 생활을 한다. 우리는 우리 자신을 이해할 때에만 사랑을 할 수 있다. 우리는 타인이나 외부와 관계를 맺는 것으로 공허함을 채울 수 있다고 생각하지만 우리의 고통이 이미 그곳에 있다. 우리가 감각적인 사랑에 지배당할 때 걱정과 불행이 생긴다. 돈과 권력도 우리를 지켜주지 못한다. 우리는 하나를 얻으면 또 다른 갈망이 생기고, 자신의 존재 영역을 지키려 한다. 이러한 것이 외로움과 고통의 결과를 낳는다.

이해와 용서

자신의 고통을 이해하면 다른 사람들을 이해하는 것은 선물로 주어진다. 이해는 사랑의 다른 이름으로, 상대를 이해하지 않으면 사랑할 수 없다. 부모의 이해와 사랑으로 우리가 존재하게 되었고, 외로움은 이해와 사랑으로 치유될 수 있다. 이해와 사랑이 없다면 성적인 관계는 공허할 뿐이다. 사랑하는 사람을 이해하기 위해서는 경청이 필요하고, 우리의 고통을 이해할 수 있는 사람이 진정한 친구이다. 우리는 다른 사람의 고통을 이해할 수 있는 사람이 되고 싶어 한다. 경청을 통해 이해하고 고독을 제거해야 한다. 그리고 진정한 사과와 용서는 자신과 남을 행복하게 한다.

행복의 세 가지 열쇠

행복은 사물을 보는 우리의 방식에서 유래한다. 행복은 우리의 통찰력에 따라 달라진다. 행복하지 않다고 느껴지는 원인은 외부가 아니라 내면에 있다. 우리가 무엇에 애착을 가지는지 깨달을 필요가 있다. 무언가를 가지고 있거나 하게 되면 행복할 것이라고 느끼지만 그것이 이루어져도 행복하지 않을 수 있다. 행복에는 많은 문이 있다. 하나의 문이 닫히면 다른 문으로 갈 수 있다. 우리가 행복하기 위해서는 마음챙김, 집중, 통찰력이 필요하다. 마음챙김은 기쁨과 행복을 가져다주는 방법이다. 무언가를 염두에 두면 집중할 수 있고, 그 집중도가 높아지면 행복해진다. 통찰력이 있으면 두려움, 갈망, 욕망이 제거되어 행복해진다.

진실한 사랑의 네 가지 요소

진실한 사랑은 우리를 행복하게 하고, 그렇지 않다면 그것은 진실한 사랑이 아니다. 진실한 사랑은 친절, 연민, 기쁨, 평정으로 되어 있다. 자신을 사랑하고 행복하게 하는 법을 모른다면 다른 사람을 행복하게 할 수 없다. 자신의 고통을 이해할 때 다른 사람의 고통을 이해할 수 있다. 사랑은 우리에게 진정한 기쁨과 마음의 평정을 안겨준다.

우리의 진실한 서약

의지나 열망은 우리 마음속에 깊은 욕망과 동기를 부여하고 행동하는 방향을 결정한다. 이것은 긍정적이기도 부정적이기도 하며, 우리 삶을 유지하는 에너지이다. 우리는 의미 있는 일을 하고 싶어 하고, 연민과 진정한 사랑이 동기가 되면 건강한 의지를 갖출 수 있다. 성적 욕망의 에너지를 통찰력으로 관리하고, 감각적인 욕망을 풀고, 깊은 열망을 밝히고, 이원적 사고에서 자신을 해방시켜라.

충실함

어려움을 이겨낼 수 있게 깊이 뿌리를 내리는 것이 필요하고, 먼저 사람에 대한 믿음이 흔들릴 수 있기 때문에 자신과 신에 대한 믿음이 필요하다. 마음챙김, 집중, 통찰력에 대한 연습이 필요하다. 지역사회와 함께 하는 활동이 필요하다. 사람들은 먼저 자신의 정원을 돌봐야 한다. 자신의 마음에 담긴 분노, 두려움, 차별, 질투와 같은 쓰레기를 치워야 한다. 그리고 안전하고 편안한 진정한 자산이 되는 진실한 집을 찾아 우리 안에 만들어야 한다. 접기

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평점분포 8.6

사랑에 대한 최고의 정의

일독을 권함 구매

에일라 2016-07-03 공감 (1) 댓글 (0)

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마이리뷰

《틱낫한 스님이 말하는 섹스, 그리고 사랑》사랑과 욕망에 관한 에세이

《틱낫한 스님이 말하는 섹스, 그리고 사랑》

스님이 무슨 섹스니 사랑이니 하는 말을 하는 걸까? 언뜻 보면 아마 이런 의문이 들지도 모르겠다. 그러나 승려도 사람이고 싯다르타가 깨달음을 얻어 부처가 되었을 적에도 사랑을 주고받아야만 하는 인간으로서 존재하기를 거부하지 않았다는 것을 생각하면 승려가 이런 말을 하는 것도 이해가 된다. 싯다르타는 스물아홉에 집을 떠나 서른다섯에 깨달음을 얻었으니 이 나이도 아직 젊은 나이고, 대부분의 사람들이 여전히 감각적 욕망을 강하게 느낄 나이기도 하다. 그러나 부처는 사랑과 함께 충분한 정신적 책임감과 깨달음을 지닌 존재였으므로 스스로의 성적에너지를 조절 할 수 있었고 우리도 역시 그럴 수 있다고 틱낫한 스님은 말한다.

이 책은 부처의 <애욕망>이라는 경전에 관한 이야기다. 이 경전은 원래 수도승을 위한 것이었지만 우리 모두가 이 경전에서 배울 것이 많다. <애욕망경>에서 말하는 애(愛)는 인류 전체에 대한 사랑이며, 욕(慾)은 갈망, 탐욕, 욕망을 말한다. 틱낫한 스님은 이 책 전체에서 우리가 사랑이라 말하는 것이 과연 진정한 사랑인지 혹시 사랑이라는 이름 뒤에 가려진 욕망, 욕심, 갈망, 탐욕이 아닌지 돌아보게 도와준다.

왜 우리는 사랑이라 말하면서 나와 상대방을 얽매려 하는 걸까? 육체적 친밀감과 정서적 친밀감은 어떻게 다를까? 우리는 왜 이별, 외로움, 공허함을 두려워하며 살까? 사람을 바뀌면 해결될 것 같았던 문제들이 다른 이들을 만난다고 해서 다 해결이 될까? 혹시 이런 것은 강박관념이나 오랜 과거로부터 내려온 습관은 아닐까? 등 우리가 사랑과 관계 맺기, 혹은 생의 진리와 깨달음 평화를 얻는데 방해를 하는 여러 요소를 돌아보게 해준다. 이런 과정을 거쳐 뒷부분에는 진실한 사랑의 네 가지 요소 자애, 연민, 기쁨, 평온에 이르는 길을 보여주며, 이를 위해 우리가 무엇을 해야 하고 어떤 마음가짐을 가져야 하는지 자세히 알려준다.

스님은 이런 방법으로 한결같이 <마음챙김> 수행을 얘기하고 있다. 책의 마지막에는 <애욕망경>과 <마음챙김>수행법이 부록으로 적혀있어 실제로 생활 속에 실천할 수 있는 구체적인 방법들로 도움이 많이 될 것 같다. 만일 이전에 불교나 명상에 관련된 책을 접해 보았다면 이 책 또한 아주 반갑고 친근하게 느낄 수 있을 것이고, 만일 이 책이 처음 이라 해도 아주 좋은 시작이 될 수 있을 것이다. 불가의 특징은 종교나 교리로써 누구를 믿거나 강제하는 것이 아니라는 것이다. 근본적으로 자신의 본 모습을 들여다보고 스스로 깨달음을 얻으라는 것이며, 부처의 이야기 또한 이를 도와줄 뿐 신앙이나 종교의 그것으로 받아들이지 않아도 된다는 것이기에 이 책 또한 많은 이들에게 좋은 영향을 줄 수 있을 것이라 생각한다. 사랑이나 인간관계에 어려움을 느끼는 사람이나, 자신의 모습을 돌아보고 좀 더 성숙한 모습의 자신을 원하는 사람들에게 아주 좋은 도움이 되어줄 것이라 생각한다.

- 접기

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[틱낫한 스님이 말하는 섹스 그리고 사랑]육체적, 감정적, 영적 친밀감을 위하여!

이 책의 저자는 너무나 유명한 틱낫한 스님이다.

틱낫한.

베트남 출신의 승려이다. 열여섯 살에 출가하여 1961년에 미국 프린스턴 대학에서 비교종교학을 공부했고, 컬럼비아 대학교에서 불교를 가르쳤다. 1963년에 베트남으로 돌아와 비폭력평화운동을 시작했고, 1966년에는 미국과 유럽을 돌며 반전평화운동을 전개했다. 한 때 노벨평화상 후보로 마틴 루터 킹 목사의 추천을 받기도 했다.

1973년에 베트남 정부에 의해 입국 저지를 당한 뒤, 프랑스로 망명하여 평화운동 및 마음 챙김 수행을 하고 있다.

이 책은 스님의 입장에서 사랑과 섹스를 어떻게 말할 지 궁금해서 읽게 된 책이다. 사실 승려의 입장에서 어떻게 말할 지 어느 정도 예상은 할 수 있는 책이다. 하지만 워낙 세계적으로 유명한 분이기에 그저 이분의 글을 읽고 싶었다는 표현이 이 책을 읽게 된 이유로 더 정확할 것이다.

모든 인간의 내면에는 감각적 욕망의 씨앗이 있다. 욕망에 흔들릴 때면 우리는 마음 챙김 연습과 지혜를 발휘하여 욕망을 향해 미소 지을 수 있다. (책에서)

욕망하지 않으면 존재감이 없는 듯 여겨지는 세상이다. 욕망에서 기쁨을 얻는 듯 하지만 고통 역시 따름도 알고 있다. 이론적으로는 알면서도 실천은 어려운 게 인간사다. 그렇기에 욕망이 자신을 옭아매고 상대방을 옭아매는 줄 알면서도 일상에서 욕망의 사슬을 끊기는 쉽지가 않다.

자신과 상대방을 옭아매지 않는 방식으로 사랑할 수 있다면, 사랑은 우리에게 행복과 평화를 가져다준다. 올바른 방식으로 사랑한다면 사랑으로 인해 고통 받는 일이 없다. 사랑 때문에 고통 받는다면, 올바르게 사랑하고 있지 못한 것이다. (책에서)

부처는 애욕망경에서 사랑을 부정적 의미로 말했다고 한다. 애욕에 사로잡히는 것은 물고기가 그물에 걸려드는 것과 같다는데. 애(愛)는 두 사람 사이의 낭만적인 사랑이 아닌 인류 전체의 사랑, 집착이 아닌 진실한 사랑이다. 욕(慾)은 갈망과 탐욕, 그리고 욕망이다. 그러니 애욕이란 욕망이 담긴 사랑이다.

저자는 우리의 일상은 늘 성적 갈망을 불러일으키는 이미지와 음악에 쉴 새 없이 노출된다고 한다. 그러니 서로에 대한 이해와 사랑을 바탕으로 한 건강한 성적 관계를 유지하려면 끊임없이 수행해야 한다고 한다.

누군가에게는 사랑이 가장 큰 기쁨이 되기도 하고, 다른 누군가에게는 사랑이 가장 큰 고통이 되기도 한다. 하지만 갈망과 집착이 아닌 이해와 배려가 가득하다면 진정 행복한 사랑을 누릴 수 있으리라. 물론 그리 쉽지 않겠지만 말이다.

저자는 육체적 친밀감과 감정적 친밀감은 떼려야 뗄 수 없는 사이라고 한다.

인간은 성적인 관계가 맺어질 때 감정적 친밀감도 생긴다. 거기에 영적인 친밀감이 가미된다면 육체적·감정적 친밀감마저 건강하고 유쾌한 치유력까지 지니게 된다.

우리가 누군가를 사랑하게 되면 그 사랑의 본질을 깊이 관찰해야 한다. 진실한 사랑에는 고통과 집착이 따리오지 않는다. (책에서)

섹스를 금기시할 필요는 없지만 사랑과 혼동해서는 안 된다. 섹스로 인해 즐거움을 얻을 수도 있고 관계를 깊이 발전시킬 수도 있지만 진실한 사랑에 반드시 섹스가 필요한 것은 아니다. 섹스 없이 완전한 사랑을 나누는 것도, 사랑 없는 섹스도 가능하기 때문이다.

결국 성적 친밀감 이전에 감정적, 영적 수준의 친밀감이 공유되어야 한다.

왜냐하면 섹스가 자신을 치유할 수는 없기에 말이다. 보다 근본적인 대책인 스스로 안정을 찾는 방법, 자기만의 안식처를 만드는 데 집중해야 한다. 자신의 감정을 다스리고 일상의 문제들에 대처할 수 있다면 상대방에게도 친밀함을 베풀 수 있게 된다. 서로가 안정된 상태에서 서로에게 안식처가 될 수 있다면 육체적 친밀감은 더한 행복감을 선사할 것이다.

특히 영적 수행은 내면의 고통을 포용하고 감정들을 다스려 일상의 안정감을 줄 것이다.

부처는 당신이 두려워하는 이유가 계속해서 갈망하기 때문이라고 얘기한다. 갈망하는 대상을 놓아버리면 더 이상 두려움이 없을 것이다. 두려움이 없으면 평화로워진다. (책에서)

욕망은 두려움과 연결되어 있다. 스스로 할 수 없다는 태아적 공포, 유전자적 공포가 기억되어 있기에 인간의 사랑은 시작과 동시에 두려움을 몰고 올 것이다. 이별, 외로움, 공허감, 배신, 소멸의 두려움이 사랑과 함께 등장하는 것들이다.

진실한 사랑은 내면의 충만한 상태에서 서로에게 행복을 선물하는 것이리라.

저자는 갈망의 근원은 습관의 힘에서 온다고 한다. 갈망에서 벗어나려면 육체적 욕망의 뿌리인 강박관념을 버리면 갈망의 사슬에서 헤어나게 된다. 습관의 힘은 내면의 강박관념과 욕망에서 비롯된 것이다.

외로움과 공허감을 달래려고 술이나 음식을 탐닉하는 것은 일시적인 해결책이다. 그러니 성관계를 가진다고 채울 수 있는 것은 아닐 것이다.

외로움도 욕망과 번민의 결과일 것이다. 그러니 스스로의 감정에 늘 관심 갖고 스스로의 정서와 기분을 돌아보는 일은 중요할 것이다. 모든 번뇌의 원인은 자기 안에 있음을 생각한다. 그런 감정들을 마주보며 끌어안을 수 있다면 평화와 행복이 가까이 다가와 주겠지. 행복에 이르는 비결의 열쇠란 놓아주는 것에서 시작해서, 스스로의 마음을 다스리는 것, 무언가에 집중하는 것으로 이어짐을 생각한다.

이 책을 읽는 동안, 행복과 사랑의 의미를 되새기며 마음 챙김을 생각할 수 있는 시간이었다.

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봄덕 2014-02-20 공감(2) 댓글(0)

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틱낫한 스님이 말하는 섹스, 그리고 사랑

쉽게 만나고 쉽게 헤어지는 인스턴트 사랑에서 진정한 사랑을 찾을 수 있을까? 현대사회에서 진실하고 참된 사랑이란 무엇일까?

진실한 사랑은 우리를 행복하게 하고, 기쁨과 평화를 주며, 고통을 줄여준다. 진실한 사랑은 친절, 연민, 기쁨, 평안으로 되어 있다. 자신을 사랑하고 행복하게 하는 법을 모른다면 다른 사람을 행복하게 할 수 없다. 자신의 고통을 이해할 때 다른 사람의 고통을 이해할 수 있다. 사랑은 우리에게 진정한 기쁨과 마음의 평안을 안겨준다.

이 책은 베트남 출신의 불교 승려이자 평화운동가, 시인인 틱낫한 스님이 점점 진실한 사랑을 잃어가고 있는 현대인들에게 마음 챙김과 집중, 그리고 지혜를 통해 자기 자신에 대한 이해와 사랑을 바탕으로 연인, 가족, 다른 사람들과 올바른 사랑과 관계 맺기를 할 수 있는 방법을 소개한다.

나는 책의 제목을 보고 스님이 섹스에 대해서 어떤 얘기를 할 지 궁금했다. 왠지 그런 주제로 할 얘기가 별로 없을 것 같기 때문이다. 결혼도 하지 않고 섹스도 하지 않고 혼자 수행을 하는 스님이 중생의 마음을 어찌 알까 싶어서였다.

이 책은 사랑을 실천하는 수행 방법을 통해 감각적 욕망을 사랑으로 승화시키는 길을 안내한다. 사랑하고 있지만 행복하지 않다면, 그것은 사랑이 아니라고 저자는 강조한다. 사랑으로 행복하려면 상대방의 고통과 기쁨을 함께 나누며, 이를 통해 마음의 평정을 얻을 수 있어야 한다. 또한 상대방을 옭아매서도 안 된다.

이 책은 모두 9장으로 구성되어 있다. 즉, 진실한 사랑, 친밀감, 욕망의 근원, 외로움과 고통 변화시키기, 이해와 용서, 행복에 이르는 세 가지 열쇠, 진실한 사랑의 네 가지 요소, 진실한 맹세, 신의 등이다.

책의 말미에는 부록으로 ‘애욕망경’과 ‘마음챙김 수행법’을 수록했다. 진정한 사랑이란 무엇인가, 욕망의 근원은 무엇인가, 행복에 이르기 위해서는 어떠해야 하는지 등의 내용을 포함하고 있다. 저자는 인간의 내면에는 감각적 욕망의 씨앗이 있기 마련이고, 욕망에 흔들릴 때 필요한 것이 마음 챙김의 연습과 지혜를 발휘하여 욕망에 압도당하거나 얽매이지 않아야 한다고 말한다. 감각적 욕망 자체가 나쁜 게 아니라, 그것에 압도되어 얽매이는 게 문제라는 것이다.

저자는 또 섹스를 금기시할 필요는 없다고 지적한다. 섹스로 인해 즐거움을 얻을 수 있고 관계를 깊이 발전시킬 수도 있기 때문이다. 그러나 섹스를 사랑과 혼동해서도 안 된다. 진실한 사랑에 반드시 섹스가 필요한 것은 아니다. 섹스 없이도 완전한 사랑을 나눌 수 있고, 사랑 없는 섹스도 가능해서다. 저자는 “건강한 성적 관계를 유지하려면 끊임없는 수행이 필요하다”고 설명한다.

이 책은 감각적이고 육체적인 사랑이 아닌 정신적으로 교감하는 진실한 사랑의 의미와 행복에 이르는 길을 제시한다. 인스턴스 사랑이 난무하는 시대에 진정한 사랑을 원하는 모든 분들에게 이 책을 읽으라고 권하고 싶다.

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다윗 2014-04-10 공감(1) 댓글(0)

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틱낫한 스님이 말하는 섹스 그리고 사랑

베트남 출신의 승려이자 많은 사람들의 존경과 사랑을 받고, 멘토이기도 한 '틱낫한 스님'이 젊은이들에게 '섹스와 사랑'에 대한 말씀을 하신다. 스님이 생각하는 '섹스와 사랑'은 어떤 것일까? 세속적인 사랑을 정신적 사랑과 육체적 사랑으로 구분하는 것이 아닌, 사랑과 욕망을 구분하려고 한다.

사랑의 가치가 떨어지고 욕망만 남아 사랑이라고 착각하는 요즘 젊은이들에게 사랑의 가치를 똑바로 알려주고자 한다. 그들이 사랑이라고 믿는 것이 오히려 욕망에 가깝고 욕망에 휩쓸려 자기자신을 갉아먹고 있다는 것을 일깨운다.

사람은 누구나 사랑을 하고 육체적 사랑 역시 사랑의 한 단면이다. 그렇지만 욕망과 사랑을 구분해야 하며, 욕망과 갈망의 단계에 도달해 애욕의 삶을 살아가는 사람들도 있다. 그들이 잘못된 것이 아니다. 사람은 누구나 사랑하고 사랑받길 원한다. 그런 원초적인 감정을 조절하지 못하고 습관처럼 욕망을 가지다보면 욕망에 사로잡힌 삶을 살아가게 되는 것이다.

욕망을 이기기 위해서는 '마음챙김'이라는 수행으로 자신의 마음의 원인을 파악하고 자신의 행동의 본질을 깨닫는 것이다. 그래서 성적인 에너지를 긍정적인 곳으로 도릴 수 있고, 삶을 긍정적으로 변화시킬 수 있게 된다. 그리고 마음챙김을 통해 행복한 삶 역시 가질 수 있다.

틱낫한 스님은 진정한 사랑이 행복을 만들고, 그 행복을 만들기 위해 자신을 사랑하는 자애, 연민, 기쁨, 그리고 평온을 가지라고 한다. 자애는 친구를 사랑하는 우정을 뜻하며, 연민은 사랑하는 사람의 고통을 덜어주는 능력이고, 기쁨은 상대방을 기쁘게 만드는 것이고, 평온은 상대의 기쁨과 슬픔, 고통까지도 구별하지 않고 함께 하는 것이다. 이런 요소들이 모이면 행복의 삶이 되는 것이다.

자신의 욕망과 사랑을 조절하고 행복한 삶을 살아가기 위해서는 지혜를 가져야 한다고 한다. 지혜는 깨달음을 얻는 것이도 그 깨달음을 활용하여 자신의 성적 욕망을 다스릴 수 있다는 것이다. 자신의 욕망을 더 커지지 않게 하며 다스릴 수 있는 것이 깨달음을 얻은 자가 할 수 있는 사랑의 방법이다. 마음챙김과 명상이라는 수행 방법을 통해 자신과 자신이 사랑하는 사람들을 행복하게 만들 수 있다. 욕망을 다스릴 수 있을 때에 비로소 진정한 사랑을 살 수 있게 되는 것이다.

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리나 2014-02-20 공감(0) 댓글(0)

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스님의 생각을 통해서 보는 사랑

섹스 그리고 사랑이라는 책은 불교의 시각입장에서 진정한 사랑의 의미를 찾아가보는 책의 내용을 담고 있다. 우리는 연애와 사랑을 통해서 서로간의 교감을 하고 진지함을 느끼곤 한다. 채우지 못하는 것에 대해서 하나둘씩 채워가는 과정이 있는데 사랑에 대해서도 우리는 조금씩 더 배워가는 시간을 가진다. 사랑에 대해서 가지고 있는 개별적인 욕망에 대해서 우리들이 가지고 있는 생각에 대해서 스님께서는 조금 더 넓은 마음으로 바라보면서 사랑에 대한 방법에 대해서 다양하게 이야기를 해준다. 사랑에 대해서 고통을 받는 사람이 있을것이고 또 이를 통해서 행복을 얻어가는 사람들도 많이 있을것이다. 서로간의 마음이 편안한 사람이 되어야 하는것이 당연한데 그렇지 못할때는 내가 가고 있는 사랑의 방향에 대해서도 다시 한번 생각을 해봐야 할 것 같다.

누군가를 살아하기 위해서는 자신에 대해서 잘 알아야 하고 그 사람과 나의 관계를 편안한 안식처로 이끌수 있어야 할 것이다. 내면을 어지럽히지 않고 스스로 정결한 마음가짐으로 다른 사람을 바라볼수 있다고 하면 사랑의 관계가 다른 사람에게 있어서도 더 편안한 존재로 다가갈수가 있을것이다. 책에서 자주 등장하는 애욕망경이라는 단어도 욕망에 관련된 사랑을 알려주는 내용인데 마음의 수양법에서 최근에는 남녀간의 사랑에 대한 느낌을 이해할수 있는 내용들이 많다. 겉으로 들어난 것에 대해서 관심이 많아지고 우리들은 외적인 부분에 대해서 많이 이끌림을 가지게 된다. 하지만 진정으로 중요한 것은 서로간의 진실한 사랑을 얻어가는 과정이라고 생각을 한다. 사랑하는 관계라고 한다면 서로간의 마음 깊이 뿌리 내려서 공유하는 것들이 많아져야 한다. 그러면서 같은 방향으로 시각으로 보면서 살아갈수가 있을 것이다.

욕망에 대해서 수행을 통해서 마음을 편안하게 하면서 이에 관련된 에너지를 다른곳으로 발산시키면서 더욱 활력있는 생활을 할 수 있는 부분도 참으로 많을 것이다. 그렇기 때문에 책에 나오는 마음챙김 수행법을 통해서 우리가 스스로 느껴야 할 부분이 더 많을것 같다. 욕망의 꽃의 향기가 어디로 흘러가는지에 따라서 자신 뿐만 아니라 다른 사람의 만족과 행복을 함께 가지고 갈수 있기에 우리는 스스로에 대해서 돌아보는 연습을 어느정도는 필요로 할 것 같다. 진실한 사랑을 통해서 사랑하는 사람과 하나의 몸이 되어가는 과정을 통해서 우리는 진정한 사랑의 의미를 제대로 느낄수 있을것 같다. 다양성을 추구하는 많은 사람들에게도 사랑은 궁극적으로 하나의 사람과 만나게 된다. 그 속에서 느끼는 참 사랑을 느낄수 있도록 많은 사람들과 진실되고 이야기 하고 사랑하는 사람에게 최선을 다하고 싶다.

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Fidelity: How to Create a Loving Relationship That Lasts Hardcover – August 21, 2007
by Thich Nhat Hanh (Author)
4.5 out of 5 stars 75 ratings

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What does healthy intimacy look like? How we do we keep the energy and passion alive in long-term relationships? What practices can help us forgive our partner when he or she has hurt us? How can we get a new relationship off to a strong and stable start? What do we do if we feel restless in a relationship or attracted to someone outside of our partner? These are just some of the questions Zen master and Nobel Peace Prize nominee Thich Nhat Hanh has been asked by practitioners and readers alike. Deeply moved by the suffering that can be caused by these issues, he offers concrete guidance in his first ever writings on intimacy and healthy sexuality.

Fidelity guides the reader to an understanding about how we can maintain our relationships; keep them fresh, and accepting and loving our partner for who they are. Fidelity gives concrete advice on how to stay attentive and nourishing of each other amidst the many responsibilities and pressures of daily life. Readers will learn how to foster open communication, dealing with anger and other strong emotions, learning to forgive, and practicing gratitude and appreciation.

Fidelity is written for both couples in a committed relationship wanting to further develop a spiritual dimension in their lives together, and for those where infidelity or hurt may have occurred, and there is a need for best practices to re-weave the net of love and understanding. In addition to addressing everyday occurrences and challenges, Thich Nhat Hanh shows how traditional Buddhist teachings on attachment, deep listening, and loving speech can help energize and restore our relationships. Written in a clear and accessible style, and filled with personal stories, simple practices and exercises,Fidelity is for couples at all stage of relationships. It the guide book for anyone looking to create long-lasting and healthy intimacy.
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Fidelity: How to Create a Loving Relationship That Lasts Hardcover – August 21, 2007

by Thich Nhat Hanh (Author)

4.5 out of 5 stars 75 ratings

See all formats and editions

Kindle

from $8.99

Read with Our Free App

Hardcover

$7.31

32 Used from $2.23

17 New from $9.94

Fidelity guides the reader to an understanding about how we can maintain our relationships; keep them fresh, and accepting and loving our partner for who they are. Fidelity gives concrete advice on how to stay attentive and nourishing of each other amidst the many responsibilities and pressures of daily life. Readers will learn how to foster open communication, dealing with anger and other strong emotions, learning to forgive, and practicing gratitude and appreciation.

Fidelity is written for both couples in a committed relationship wanting to further develop a spiritual dimension in their lives together, and for those where infidelity or hurt may have occurred, and there is a need for best practices to re-weave the net of love and understanding. In addition to addressing everyday occurrences and challenges, Thich Nhat Hanh shows how traditional Buddhist teachings on attachment, deep listening, and loving speech can help energize and restore our relationships. Written in a clear and accessible style, and filled with personal stories, simple practices and exercises,Fidelity is for couples at all stage of relationships. It the guide book for anyone looking to create long-lasting and healthy intimacy.

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Top reviews from the United States

christofir

5.0 out of 5 stars The only Thich Nhat Hanh book that really resonated with me

Reviewed in the United States on May 8, 2012

Verified Purchase

Perhaps it's because of the content (namely our relationship with sex, our romantic relationships, and ourselves) and my age (Single, young-professional), but Fidelty is the only Thich Nhat Hanh book out of the over 10 I have read that really resonated with me. His step-by step walk-through of the sutras on sexuality are complemented by deep wisdom that has the potential to heal. In my view, Fidelity has two goals. 1.) To become aware of the roots of our sexual desires and attachments (without judgement) 2.) To help readers understand how to cultivate loving relationships. It's an honest work, not taking a religious and/or holier than though view on sex, but rather really exploring with the reader in a gentle way to consider how we think and act in our sexual and romantic relationships and how we might learn to create more freedom and love in ourselves and others. Bravo, Thay and a big thank you for all your insights!

17 people found this helpful

Steve Bar Ner

5.0 out of 5 stars Mindful

Reviewed in the United States on June 26, 2020

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The great teacher has penetrated my blocks and once again entered my soul to awaken all the Love within me. Namaste!

Alexandra Lizardo

5.0 out of 5 stars Enlightenment all the way through

Reviewed in the United States on July 25, 2020

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Eye opening. Great read. Highly recommended.

Effie

5.0 out of 5 stars An important read for a healthy lifestyle

Reviewed in the United States on June 28, 2018

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One at first may think that this book is unreasonable or too restrictive, given the mindset we have in the west regarding sex and relationships. But, give it a chance, and ponder the content. Best wishes to you in your life!

One person found this helpful

4.0 out of 5 stars Lovely and practical

Reviewed in the United States on January 3, 2013

Verified Purchase

Simple teachings that can have a powerfully positive impact on any relationship. As a therapist I frequently use these principals and guided breathing meditations with my clients.

One person found this helpful

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Jolan

5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent Book. The wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh is ...

Reviewed in the United States on December 10, 2016

Verified Purchase

Excellent Book. The wisdom of Thich Nhat Hanh is hard to improve on.

One person found this helpful

Christie Macias

5.0 out of 5 stars Important

Reviewed in the United States on June 5, 2015

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All people should read this before they start to date- this is being added to our high school curriculum list.

One person found this helpful

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Prime Member

5.0 out of 5 stars Touching

Reviewed in the United States on October 21, 2013

Verified Purchase

I finished it and then read it again..this time I kept a notebook

Nearby to write down a few of many amazing, beautiful and most importantly, effective quotes.

One person found this helpful

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Top reviews from other countries

simon

5.0 out of 5 stars A bit of a repeat of other works...

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 14, 2019

Verified Purchase

But amazing all the same. if you like his other works and teachings, then, you'll love this. As ever everything NH writes is to be recommended.

Chantel

4.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommend

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on December 7, 2014

Verified Purchase

I purchased this book to help me deal with my anger in my relationship with my partner. I have had an extremely leisurely journey with Buddhism. I found this book very helpful. It made realise I need to develop loving kindness towards myself and use kinder skilfull speech when I communicate with my partner. As well as so many other things.

2 people found this helpful

Jodro

2.0 out of 5 stars Badly edited patchwork of sections Thich Nhat Hanh's talks

Reviewed in France on March 19, 2015

Verified Purchase

Thich Nhat Hanh is arguably the greatest Buddhist teacher alive. There are many great books by him available, but sadly this isn't one of them. The editor has stitched together sections of TNH's talks without taking the context into account. It seems like some of the contents are aimed at monastics or at least people who are celibate, or perhaps with a very traditional Vietnamese outlook on marriage, making sections of this book almost irrelevant to Westerners in a loving relationship or wanting to be in a loving relationship. The whole book seems rather haphazardly thrown together by someone who does not really have a deep understanding of what TNH's teachings are about, is lacking in flow and a cohesive narrative.

Sure, there also are many wonderful things to read in this book, but there are many other books great books by TNH available that are far far better and more relevant to lay people.

Average rating4.22 · Rating details · 430 ratings · 45 reviews

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Jokoloyo

Dec 15, 2016Jokoloyo rated it really liked it

Please don't get mad if I don't rate it 5 star. The message/teaching itself is beyond my capacity to judge. It is a matter of taste of writing style, maybe it can be improved by explaining more about building lasting relationships, after not succumb to sensual love. I understand the foundation of the teaching is correct, but I was hoping some Q & A for unenlightened persons. I realized I could understand this book because I have some background knowledge prior of reading this book. I read this book with some background in meditation practices and Buddhism philosophy. Of course as a beginner, I can't say that I am proficient. Far far from it. There are some GR friends that I believe have much deeper understanding in Buddhism.

For example, there are many 'mindfulness' word on this book, but I didn't find description of this word. Please don't get me wrong, I don't mean that I am too lazy to check in dictionary. I had a glimpse of understanding of 'mindfulness' after attended a workshop. I could easily lost if I read this book three years ago.

It is a great book, with great benefit when we practice the teachings. but maybe for general people who don't have background in Buddhism, it could be a challenging read. I hope I was wrong and overstate the issue. (less)

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Surya

Apr 19, 2019Surya rated it it was amazing

Such a beautiful book it is.

Under practices 'Beginning Anew' was the most beautiful of it all.

Hope not just as couples, but as families or even at work places or schools or colleges people practice such beautiful things and lead a happy life. (less)

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Katrina Sark

Feb 25, 2016Katrina Sark rated it really liked it

p.10 – We can tell the correct way to love because, when we love correctly, we don’t create more suffering.

p.18 – When we’re lonely and cut off, when we suffer and need healing, that is the time to come home to ourselves. We may also need to be close to another person. But if, right away, we’re sexually intimate with someone we’ve just met, that relationship won’t heal or warm us. It will just be a distraction.

You have to learn how to be comfortable with yourself and focus on making your own home within.

p.19 – Once you can deal with your emotions and handle the difficulties of your daily life, then you have something to offer to another person. The other person has to do the same thing. Both people have to heal on their own so they feel at ease in themselves; then they can become a home for each other. Otherwise, all that we share in physical intimacy is our loneliness and suffering.

Spirituality doesn’t mean a belief in a specific spiritual teaching. Everyone needs a spiritual dimension in his or her life. Without a spiritual dimension, we can’t deal with the daily difficulties we encounter. Mindfulness can be an important aspect of your spiritual path, whether or not you are a religious practitioner. Your spiritual practice can help you deals with your strong emotions. It can help you to listen and embrace your own suffering, and help you to recognize and embrace the suffering of your partner and loved ones.

p.21 – Every human being wants to love and be loved. This is very natural. But often love, desire, need, and fear get wrapped up all together.

p.33 – To love, in the true sense of the word, is to feel no discrimination. We should have the element of equanimity, so that we can love without boundaries. Equanimity is the absence of the three complexes – better, worse, equal. We no longer discriminate. We are able to embrace everything and we no longer suffer. When there is love without discrimination, there is also an absence of suffering.

p.50 – Most of us live in environments where we have numerous opportunities to become busy and burdened. We go from event to event, from person to person, and the environment quickly pulls us away from mindfulness practice. We may have a girlfriend or a boyfriend, a partner, or a spouse, yet we still have unfulfilled sensual desires. It compels us to leave that person to follow another. The monkey swings from branch to branch in search of fruit. It eats one first, but it still craves another. Without delusion and craving, we wouldn’t be caught by desire.

p.51 – It’s not other people who confine us; we confine ourselves. If we feel trapped, it’s due to our own actions. No one is forcing us to tie ourselves up.

p.55 – Understanding is the other name of love. If you don’t understand, you can’t love.

To offer understanding means to offer love. Without understanding, the more we “love,” the more we make ourselves and others suffer.

p.57 – Understanding another person isn’t possible until we have practised looking deeply at ourselves.

p.59 – Someone who can understand our suffering is our best friend.

p.65 – We tend to think that in order to be happy, we need certain outside conditions; we must have this or that before happiness can arrive. But happiness comes from our way of looking at things. We’re not happy, but other people under the same conditions are happy.

Our happiness depends on our insight.

p.67 – Releasing our cows – The cows represent the things to which we are attached. So the practice is to learn to release our cows. Sit down and breathe in and out in mindfulness and concentration, and identify your cows. Call your cows by their true names, and see whether you have the ability to release any of them. The more you release, the happier you become.

p.68 – Many of us caught in our ideas of how we can be truly happy. We are attached to a number of things that we think are crucial for out well-being. We may have suffered a lot because of our attachment to those things, but we don’t have the courage to release them; it doesn’t feel safe to do so. But it may be that we continue to suffer because of our attachment to those things. It may be a person, a material object, a position in society, anything. We think that without that person or thing we will not be safe, and that is why we’re caught by it.

p.69 – Happiness depends first of all on having the deep desire for happiness, and then on having a spiritual path to follow. Every day, do some little thing on that path, and you will be happy. Don’t try to do big things. Do small things to make yourself happier, to make your friends happier.

p.75 – True love makes us happy. If love doesn’t make us happy, it’s not love, it’s something else.

True love of maitri (loving-kindness), karuna (compassion), mudita (joy), and upeska (equanimity and non-discrimination). True love brings joy and peace, and relieves suffering. You don’t need another person to practice love. Practice love on yourself. When you succeed, loving another person becomes natural. Your love will be like a lamp that shines; it will make many, many people happy.

The holy spirit is made of mindfulness, concentration, and insight. When you practice the four qualities of true love, your love is healing and transformative.

p.76 – Love is friendship, and that friendship should bring about happiness. To be a friend means to offer happiness. If love doesn’t offer happiness, if it makes the other person cry all the time, then it’s not love; it’s the opposite.

Self-love is the foundation for loving another person. If you don’t know how to love and offer happiness to yourself, how can you love and offer happiness to another person? If you don’t know anything about happiness, how can you offer it? Live in a way that brings you joy and happiness, and then you’ll be able to offer it to another person.

p.78 – COMPASSION: We need to not only recognize the suffering, pain, and difficulties within us, we need to devote time to dealing with them and transforming them. Using mindfulness and concentration, we can nurture our own feelings of joy and happiness.

The word “compassion” does not reflect the true meaning of karuna. The prefix “com” means “together” and “passion” means “to suffer.” So to be compassionate means to suffer together with the other person. But karuna doesn’t require suffering. Karuna is the capacity to relieve suffering. It’s the capacity to relive suffering in you and in the other person. When you know the practice of mindful breathing; of tenderly holding your pain and sorrow; of looking deeply into the nature of suffering; then you can transform that suffering and bring relief. You don’t have to suffer, and you don’t have to suffer with the other person.

p.79 – We have to distinguish between the willingness to love and the capacity to love. You may be motivated by the willingness to love, but if that is your only motivation, the other person will suffer. So the willingness to love is not yet love. Many parents love their children. Yet they make them suffering a lot in the name of love. They’re often not capable of understanding their children’s suffering, difficulties, hopes, and aspirations. We have to ask ourselves, “Am I really loving the other person by understanding them or am I just projecting my own needs?”

Love doesn’t just mean the intention or willingness to make someone happy, but the capacity to do so. That capacity to love is something you have to learn and cultivate. Look into yourself and recognize the suffering in yourself. If you recognize, embrace, and transform your suffering and difficulties, then you are loving yourself. Based on that experience, you will succeed in helping another person to do the same, bringing a feeling of joy and happiness.

p.80 – EQUANIMITY: In true love, there is no distinction between the one who loves and the one who is loved. Your suffering is my suffering. My happiness is your happiness. Lover and beloved are one. There’s no longer any barrier. True love has this element of the abolishing of self. Happiness is no longer an individual matter. Suffering is also no longer an individual matter. There’s no distinction between us.

p.88 – We need to practice mindfulness daily in order to fulfill our aspiration. We need to patiently pursue our aspiration, but we don’t lose the present moment – we enjoy the present moment and we use it to realize our deepest desire.

Inside each of us is a great being, someone peaceful, fill of light, understanding, and compassion. This person carries a sword of understanding that cuts through the bonds of suffering. With great understanding, we see the way out of our bondage.

p.89 – The name Buddha mean “one who is awake.” When Siddhartha woke up to the reality of the world all around him and made his vow to love fully in each moment, he was thirty-five years old.

p.90 – Becoming a Buddha is not so difficult. A Buddha is someone who is enlightened, capable of loving and forgiving. You know that at times you’re like that. So enjoy being a Buddha when you can.

When we behave as if we don’t believe in our inherent goodness and that of others, then we blame ourselves and others for our suffering and we lose our happiness. You can use the goodness in yourself to transform your suffering and the tendency to be angry, cruel, and afraid. But don’t throw your suffering away. Use it. Your suffering is the compost that gives you the understanding to nourish your happiness and the happiness of your loved ones.

p.93 – When you first commit to someone, you have a beautiful image of them and you commit to that image rather than the person. When you live with the person twenty-four hours a day, you begin to discover the reality of the other person doesn’t quite correspond with the image you have of him or her. Sometimes you’re disappointed.

p.94 – Many of us feel unworthy. We’re thirsty for truth, goodness, compassion, spiritual beauty, and we’re sure these things don’t exist within us, so we go looking outside. Sometimes we thing we’ve found the ideal partner who embodies all that is good, beautiful, and true. That person may be a romantic partner, a friend, or a spiritual teacher. We see all the good in that person and we fall in love. After a time, we usually discover that we’ve had a wrong perception of that person, and we become disappointed.

p.95 – Beauty and goodness are there in each of us. A true spiritual partner is one who encourages you to look deep inside yourself for the beauty and love you’ve been seeking. A true teacher is someone who helps you discover the teacher in yourself.

p.97 – PRACTICE: Happiness is made up of our mindfulness, concentration, and insight. Each time we practice sitting meditation, walking meditation, awareness of breathing, loving speech, deep listening, or any other mindfulness practice, our roots are growing stronger and deeper and we are gaining more solidity and strength.

When we see that the practice works, slowly our faith in it grows. Our faith is always based on empirical evidence. We do not believe it just because it has been repeated many times by others.

p.100 – You have two gardens: your own garden and that of your beloved. First, you have to take care of your own garden and master the art of gardening. In each one of us there are flowers and garbage. The garbage is the anger, fear, discrimination, and jealousy within us. If you water the garbage, you will strengthen the negative seeds. If you water the flowers of compassion, understanding, and love, you will strengthen the positive seeds. What you grow is up to you. If you don’t know how to practice selective watering in your own garden, then you won’t have enough wisdom to help water the flowers in the garden of your beloved. In cultivating your own garden well, you also help to cultivate their garden.

When we commit to another person, we make a promise to grow together, sharing the fruit and progress of practice. It is our responsibility to take care of each other. Every time the other person does something in the direction of change and growth, we should show our appreciation.

p.103 – HOME: In our true home together there is only relaxation, liberation, and joy.

p.115 – Breathing in, I calm my body.

Breathing out, I smile.

Dwelling in the present moment,

I know this is a wonderful moment.

(less)

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Rouchswalwe

Nov 29, 2020Rouchswalwe rated it it was amazing

Shelves: non-fiction, thich-nhat-hanh

Another fantastic volume from this teacher. He is so engaged and I learn much from his writings.

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Amy

Jan 19, 2013Amy rated it really liked it

Thich Nhat Hahn writes from the most lovely place of peace and love. This book is one that every person that is in a relationship, or would like to be in one that is healthy at some point, could benefit from. Some much of this book is about loving yourself. Loving enough to be accepting of yourself, see your feelings clearly and finding a way to nurture whatever it is that you do feel. There is no "wrong" feeling, but you must find the reason for them and the clarity in what they tell you about your own issues.

Love has no attachment. This is a hard one for western minds to hear. I've tried to explain it, but it is so foreign. We've all heard the saying were if you love someone, set them free- if they return it was meant to be, if not, then it wasn't. It is sort of like that, but there is never any ownership of any kind at any point. There is just love. Not need. Not that you aren't there for your loved ones and that they aren't there for you, but it is not an obligation. It is an honest decision from love. If you love, you will be there. If you are loved, they will be too. It is so very simple.

The only reason I can't give it 5 stars (I'd do 4.5 if I could!) is because there is more buddhist influence and more monk influence than suits me at certain points (the end, mainly). Monks are humans with sexual feelings too, but not allowed to express that, so I would say that the nurturing those feelings into something other than passion is the goal for the author, whereas a healthy adult with a sexual appetite might opt to manifest that sexual energy in a way that is acceptable rather than changing those feelings. It wasn't a pervasive message, but one that was there and didn't ring as true for me. That being said, it is a wonderful book and I feel that it has helped me grow in many ways. My husband (not a reader) read it too and felt very much the same. (less)

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Alec

May 01, 2013Alec rated it it was amazing

"You have to learn how to be comfortable with yourself and focus on making your own home within. Once you have a spiritual path, you have a home. Once you can deal with your emotions and handle the difficulties of your daily life, then you have something to offer to another person. The other person has to do the same thing. Both people have to heal on their own so they feel at ease in themselves; then they can become a home for each other." - beautiful, simple truths that take a long time to learn how to live by, too long. (less)

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Bradley

Dec 05, 2015Bradley rated it it was amazing

Although this book comes from a Buddhist teacher, and although there are mentions of the Buddha and the sutras, this book has excellent advice for all people on how to cultivate a romantic relationship that is successful and long-lasting. Anyone of any belief system could benefit from this work that was written with peace.

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A. Breeze Harper

Nov 05, 2016A. Breeze Harper rated it really liked it

Really enjoyed this book. Just simple and thoughtful ways to understanding the deep meaning of fidelity.

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Namees Shaeb

Feb 18, 2020Namees Shaeb rated it really liked it

But fidelity is not a question of survival. It is one of vitality

OK it's intended to be read many times (less)

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Suraj Kumar

Oct 05, 2021Suraj Kumar rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: owned

Anyone who has been regularly following my reading updates would know that I am not the type of person who reads self help and motivational books. Yet I was interested in this latest publication by Aleph Book Company. This was primarily because of the brand name of the author- Thich Nhat Hanh. I have not read any book by him but I wanted to give this one a try. Having finished this rather short book, I am quite happy with my experience.

The book is subtitled ‘How to create a loving relationship that lasts’. So that is what you can expect from this book. The book manages to fulfil what it promises, without being preachy at any moment. And this is what I believe is the strength of this book. The reason why I don’t like reading self-help books is that they tend to be instructive and dogmatic. But this book was different in that respect, and therefore I cherished my experience of reading it.

The book does not straightaway begin with its proposed theme; it progresses gradually towards that topic, beginning first with some of the basic principles of the practice of Zen Buddhism. I found it to be a great strategy, and I also feel that what ultimately emerges as the major takeaway from this book are those very principles only, and not the advice concerning fidelity in a relationship. This is not to say that the passages on fidelity aren’t that good, because as I have mentioned earlier the book does succeed in fulfilling what it promises.

For those who haven’t read anything by Thich Nhat Hanh, I feel, this book is a great starting point. Not only is it very short in length, but it also presents the arguments very convincingly so that the reader is never lost in abstract ideas. However those who have read the earlier works of the author might find certain ideas being repeated in this one. I say this just on the basis of my reading of this book. So I might be wrong. As a final word I would say that this one is definitely recommended.

My Rating: **** (4.25/5) (less)

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Tabbie Elliott

Apr 18, 2020Tabbie Elliott rated it really liked it

“Every single person contains the seeds of goodness, kindness, and enlightenment... When we act as if people have these seeds inside them, it gives us and them the strength and energy to help these seeds grow and flower.”

“If your love is true love, it will benefit not only humans, but also animals, plants, and minerals.”

“First we develop the capacity of letting go. Then we develop the capacity of being mindful. Then we can see that happiness is already available.”

“Such concentration increases the quality of our happiness. Suppose you have a cup of tea. When you’re mindful and concentrated, your tea becomes something very real and the time of tea drinking makes you so happy. Your mind is not disturbed. It’s not dwelling in the past, in the future, or on your current projects. Your mind is focused entirely on the tea.”

“If we see an image and are seduced by it, it is because we don’t know how to contemplate impermanence. Ignorant, we think that that form is wholesome and beautiful. We don’t know that appearance doesn’t contain anything real and long-lasting within it.” (less)

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David Poltorak

Dec 27, 2021David Poltorak rated it liked it

3.8/5

Picked this one randomly out of interest off the shelf at the library. A quick read on relationships, spirituality, and intimacy from a well-known Vietnamese monk's perspective.

Quotes:

We can tell the correct way to love because, when we love correctly, we don’t create more suffering.

We are all motivated by love. Love can be our greatest joy or – when it gets confused with craving and attachment – our greatest suffering.

Many young people don’t accept who they are, and yet they want to be a home for someone else. But how can they be if they’re not yet a home for themselves?

Nothing is lost; nothing is created; everything is transformed [quoting French chemist Antoine Lavoisier]

Understanding is the other name of love. If you don’t understand, you can’t love.

The most precious inheritance parents can leave their children is their own happiness. Parents’ happiness is the most valuable gift they can give their children.

A human being is a universe to discover. What we see is often just the shell; the truth isn’t easy to know.

Loneliness can only be healed by understanding and love.

Someone who can understand our suffering is our best friend.

Live in a way that brings you joy and happiness, and then you’ll be able to offer it to another person.

Understanding suffering is the very foundation of happiness. If you don’t know how to handle a painful feeling in you, how can you help another person to do so?

Of course you still have your freedom, and your partner still has her freedom intact. Love is not a kind of prison. True love gives us a lot of space.

A true spiritual partner is one who encourages you to look deep inside yourself for the beauty and love you’ve been seeking. A true teacher is someone who helps you discover the teacher in yourself.

Hearing something, we should examine it closely, comprehend it, and apply it. If, when we apply it, there is a result, then we can have faith in it. If there is no result, then we should not have faith in it just because of custom, scripture, or some spiritual teacher … our faith is always based on empirical evidence. We do not believe it just because it has been repeated many times by others.

When the three roots of faith, practice, and community support have fed us deeply, then we will be solid both alone and in our relationships.

The problem is not one of being wrong or right, but one of being more or less skillful. Living together is an art.

1. We are aware that all generations of our ancestors and all future generations are present with us.

2. We are aware of the expectations that our ancestors, our children, and their children have of us.

3. We are aware that our joy, peace, freedom, and harmony are the joy, peace, freedom, and harmony of our ancestors, our children, and their children.

4. We are aware that understanding is the very foundation of love.

5. We are aware that blaming and arguing can never help us and only create a wider gap between us; that only understanding, trust, and love can help us change and grow.

(less)

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Selina Streahorn

Jul 01, 2019Selina Streahorn added it

Lovely quick read, taking a buddhist approach to love and the seperation of sensual love from true love. In today's perceptions its very hard to remove the idea of attachment to something or someone, and he pushes this point strongly, that true love is one without attachment. He also goes into depth on how to cultivate a healthy love, through meditative practices and mindfulness. If you're like me and already interested in the meditative and mindfulness practice and wish to apply it to your partnership/love life this book might be something to look into reading. (less)

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Vishnu

Oct 06, 2017Vishnu rated it it was amazing

Shelves: buddhism, moc-writers

Another lovely little book by Thich Nhat Hanh. I heartily recommend it to all, with the following caveat: the book is mostly about sensual desire. Maybe that would not have made for a catchy title for people to read, at least not as catchy as "Fidelity." Still, this book is like, entirely, 100% about sensual desire, and Buddhist views on sensual desire. So keep that in mind! (less)

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Michelle

Nov 13, 2016Michelle rated it liked it

This short book is full of wisdom and I'd like to read it again someday. At the time of this reading, I needed something more practical, that could directly be put into practice. The principles espoused felt way too spiritually abstruse and out of reach. (less)

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Amanda Oakz

Jul 10, 2020Amanda Oakz rated it liked it

As always, Thich Nhat Hanh delivers a beautiful message that asks us to reflect inward, be accountable, and reduce the suffering of those around us. I loved the last 10 or so pages.

3 stars because it lacked the poetic writing style that I've grown to expect from Thich Nhat Hahn. (less)

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Eduardo

Jul 31, 2018Eduardo rated it it was amazing

Shelves: read-zen-and-mindfulness

"In life there are many worries and sorrows, but there's no greater sorrow than that brought by sensual love." P. 105. (less)

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Meeko1971

Apr 18, 2019Meeko1971 rated it really liked it

I struggled a bit with some of the teachings of this book, but others went straight to the core of what I needed..

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Jesse Sommeling

Mar 06, 2017Jesse Sommeling rated it it was amazing

Shelves: favorites

Thich Nhat Hanh (or 'Thay' as he his called by his friends) is known for his very unique and intimate style of writing. He makes you feel at ease just by reading his words.

I bought his book at Plum Village, his monastery in the South of France during a one-month retreat. This rather smallbooklet has become somewhat precious to me as it reminds me of some basic -but easily forgotten- wisdom for daily life.

The title refers to 'How to Create a Loving Relationship'. While this book is certainly about relationships, there is much more to it. It is about noting the difference between 'true love' and 'sensual love'. Which can be applied in any relationship as well as daily life. He writes that we are continuously exposed to a wide range of desires. Whether it be a new watch, a pair of shoes or engaging into sexual relationships. The author states that getting lost into sensual love in absence of true love could create suffering in the relationship with yourself and the relationship with your partner. Learning to love oneself is just as important as learning to love another.

Learning the difference between true love and sensual love, you can also learn to truly appreciate and love your partner. The writer states that it is important to note on what values your love for your partner is based on. Without being aware, our love for another can be driven by the need for sexual activity, the need for attention, affirmation, our own insecurities etc. This is a rather unstable source of love and happiness within our relationship, as once our partner is not able to fulfill our desires, what happens to our love for this person?

Thay portraits a deep understanding on the question as well as his own answer. Although written from a buddhist's perspective, I can recommend this book to anyone regardless of age, sex, religion or background who is interested how to deepen the relationship with oneself and his/her partner. Food for thought it is! (less)

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Serena Long ﺕ

Dec 23, 2017Serena Long ﺕ rated it really liked it

Shelves: thich-nhat-hanh, spirituality

Among Buddhist leaders influential in the West, Thich Nhat Hanh ranks second only to the Dalai Lama. Thank you Thay for bringing so much joy into our lives. I agree wholeheartedly... it seems simple to say that love is made of understanding but it is not easy to practice.

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Jesse

Jan 05, 2020Jesse rated it it was amazing

Thich Nhat Hanh (or 'Thay' as he his called by his friends) is known for his very unique and intimate style of writing. He makes you feel at ease just by reading his words.

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Marc

Jul 05, 2013Marc rated it liked it

Shelves: z_chaos-reading-treasure-hunt

Good, basic, relationship advice (learn to love and take care of yourself first and then you can take care of others) with an interesting Buddhist mix (the usual, stay in the moment, practice mindfulness and loving kindness), especially about sensual love being a kind attachment trap. I never quite fully understood the middle ground this book seemed to be advocating (i.e., a healthy, loving relationship that includes physical intimacy but doesn't fall prey to "sensual love", which I read more as lust/objectification/sexual-selfishness). (less)

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Jen (bookscoffeedogs)

Sep 27, 2011Jen (bookscoffeedogs) rated it really liked it

i only give it three compared to his other books. ok i bumped it to four. this was a fast read, which is good and bad i suppose. i wish it had a bit more about keeping love together after the long haul, and a bit less focus on sensual love, but it had a lot of great stuff he mentioned on retreat like watering the good seeds in your partner. of course, we should be doing that with everyone. i underlined a lot in this book.

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Sarah

Aug 27, 2015Sarah rated it it was amazing

Shelves: relationships

This was an incredible read. In Thich Nhat Hanh's gentle way, he explains simply what is required to have nurturing intimate relationships. If you aren't already familiar with basic Buddhist concepts, I think it could be a slightly more difficult read. It has plenty of secular application, but some of the Buddhist psychological concepts at work are easier to understand if you have prior knowledge. Overall an awesome read, and I hope to implement some of the loving practices within. (less)

= ==

Fidelity

How to Create a Loving Relationship That Lasts

By Thich Nhat Hanh

Thich Nhat Hanh with spiritual tips for safeguarding an intimate relationship.

A Book Excerpt on Attention

The Five Awarenesses

"These verses can be used by anyone at anytime as a practice to help safeguard our relationships. Many people have used them in weddings and commitment ceremonies and some couples like to recite them together weekly. If you have a bell, you can invite it to sound after you recite each verse. Breathe in and out a few times in silence before going on to the next one.

"1. We are aware that all generations of our ancestors and all future generations are present in us.

"2. We are aware of the expectations that our ancestors, our children, and their children have of us.

"3. We are aware that our joy, peace, freedom, and harmony are the joy, peace, freedom, and harmony of our ancestors, our children, and their children.

"4. We are aware that understanding is the very foundation of love.

"5. We are aware that blaming and arguing can never help us and only create a wider gap between us; that only understanding, trust, and love can help us change and grow."

= ==

The Heart of Understanding: Commentaries on the Prajnaparamita Heart Sutra eBook : Hanh, Thich Nhat: Amazon.com.au: Books

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In this recording, Vietnamese Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh lectures on the Heart of the Prajñ?p?ramit? Sutra, which is regarded as the essence of Buddhist teachings. To this day, the Heart Sutra is recited daily in Mahayana temples and practice centers throughout the world. Thay, as his followers call him, offered this lecture at Green Gulch Farm in Muir Beach, California, on April 19, 1987.

The Heart of Understanding: Commentaries on the Prajnaparamita Heart Sutra eBook : Hanh, Thich Nhat: Amazon.com.au: Books 2009

new version of this book, now titled

The Other Shore: A New Translation of the Heart Sutra with Commentaries.

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The Heart of Understanding: Commentaries on the Prajnaparamita Heart Sutra Kindle Edition
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The heart of the Prajñaparamita Sutra is regarded as the essence of Buddhist teaching, offering subtle and profound teachings on non-duality and the letting go of all preconceived notions, opinions, and attachments, and so becoming open to all the wonders of our life.

The Heart Sutra is recited daily in Mahayana temples and practice centers throughout the world. Thich Nhat Hanh’s translation and commentary are the fruit of the author’s more than sixty years of monastic study and practice. He describes the sutra as “a precious gift to us, the gift of fearlessness.”

Based on a historic lecture at the Green Gulch Zen Center, Muir Beach, California on April 19, 1987, this is one of the most simple, clear, concise, and understandable commentaries on this very important Buddhist sutra. In the Heart Sutra, the bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara describes how to train in the perfection of wisdom by seeing through the illusory nature of all things. The Heart Sutra is Buddhism in a nutshell, containing only 632 characters in the traditional Chinese translation. Despite its brevity, it covers more of the Buddha’s teachings than any other scripture and has had the most profound and wide-reaching influence of any text in Buddhism.

This revised edition celebrates the 20th anniversary of the initial release and features a new introduction by Peter Levitt and a new afterword by Thich Nhat Hanh. Edited by poet and Zen teacher Peter Levitt, author of Fingerpainting on the Moon.
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Print length 66 pages

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Exquisite teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh. As simple and powerful as it gets. Strongly recommended.-- "Inquiring Mind"

Studying the basics of Buddhism under Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh is like learning basketball from Michael Jordan.-- "Amazon.com, editorial review, on The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching"

Thich Nhat Hanh modernizes and frees the Buddha-a tiny book of gem-like words.-- "Book Reader" --This text refers to an alternate kindle_edition edition.
About the Author

Thich Nhat Hanh is a Vietnamese Zen master, poet, scholar, and peace activist who was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. He is the author of many bestselling books, including the classics The Miracle of Mindfulness, Peace Is Every Step, Anger, and The Art of Power. Thich Nhat Hanh lives in Plum Village, his meditation center in France, where his monastic and lay disciples assist him in leading retreats worldwide on the art of mindful living.

Peter Levitt is a poet, translator, and Zen teacher. He is the founder of the Salt Spring Zen Circle and has taught poetry and writing workshops around the world. He is currently an instructor at the University of British Columbia and lives with his wife and son on one of the nearby Gulf Islands.

Edoardo Ballerini is an actor, director, film producer, and Audie Award-winning narrator. His screen credits include the feature films Dinner Rush and Romeo Must Die, as well as the television series The Sopranos, Boardwalk Empire, and 24.--This text refers to an alternate kindle_edition edition.

Product details
ASIN ‏ : ‎ B005EFWU0E
Publisher ‏ : ‎ Parallax Press; Revised edition (10 November 2009)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
File size ‏ : ‎ 254 KB
Text-to-Speech ‏ : ‎ Enabled
Screen Reader ‏ : ‎ Supported
Enhanced typesetting ‏ : ‎ Enabled

4.7 out of 5 stars 209 ratings

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Thich Nhat Hanh

Thich Nhat Hanh (1926–2022) was a Vietnamese Buddhist Zen Master, poet, and peace activist and one of the most revered and influential spiritual teachers in the world. Born in 1926, he became a Zen Buddhist monk at the age of sixteen. His work for peace and reconciliation during the war in Vietnam moved Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. to nominate him for the Nobel Peace Prize in 1967. In Vietnam, Thich Nhat Hanh founded Van Hanh Buddhist University and the School of Youth for Social Service, a corps of Buddhist peace workers. Exiled as a result of his work for peace, he continued his humanitarian efforts, rescuing boat people and helping to resettle refugees. In 1982 he established Plum Village France, the largest Buddhist monastery in Europe and the hub of the international Plum Village Community of Engaged Buddhism. Over seven decades of teaching, he published a hundred books, which have been translated into more than forty languages and have sold millions of copies worldwide.

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KATARZYNA ADAMSON
5.0 out of 5 stars Superb, supreme...Reviewed in Australia on 10 August 2019
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Wonderful, wonderful read, one of the most transformational books I ever read. On reviewing it 20 years later - still the same beauty and brilliance in style, analogies, still as clear as it gets. Yummy 😊

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Andrew Osborne
5.0 out of 5 stars Emptiness in a nutshellReviewed in Australia on 22 July 2019
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If you’re struggling with the concept of emptiness this book is an essential read. Highly recommended.

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Jayarava
1.0 out of 5 stars Zen Buddhist talking about Zen BuddhismReviewed in the United Kingdom on 7 July 2018
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As with every other book on the text, Thich Nhat Hanh uses the Heart Sutra as a tabula rasa for talking about his beliefs. The book is not so much a commentary on the Heart Sutra as it is an exposition of Vietnamese Zen Buddhism. Which is fine if you are interested in Vietnamese Zen Buddhism or just like reading Thich Nhat Hanh (which a lot of people do).

Not much more can be expected since the Prajñāpāramitā tradition actually died out over a millennium ago, to be superceded by Madhyamaka (with which it really has little in common) and other Mahāyana ideologies. Zen is an amalgam of all these ideas, and the Heart Sutra is supposedly a reflection of this, but really none of these people understand it (partly because the text has become garbled in transmission and partly because Zen is what it is). Which is not to say that Thich Nhat Hanh is a bad person or talking nonsense. What he says is fine as far as it goes. Just not related to the Heart Sutra per se.

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Mark Bywater
5.0 out of 5 stars Buy it!Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 21 April 2019
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Great book! This is a great book! Someone lent me it to read and I’d ordered my own copy before half way through. It’s only short but it’s a blooming good book!
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Mr. D. J. Seymour
5.0 out of 5 stars Great translation with deep insights in the commentaryReviewed in the United Kingdom on 7 January 2016
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Great translation with deep insights in the commentary. To be read and re-read.
Thich Nhat Hanh is a true master and poet leading you deep into the sutras meaning. I thoroughly recommend this book although he recently updated his translation which is available online.
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Tao
4.0 out of 5 stars Its all HeartReviewed in the United Kingdom on 11 May 2014
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A great short book about the Heart sutra. Well written and well put together with clear explanations and some gentle moments. BUT occasionally you just get some political undertones here and there as you do with Thich. The book seems to go from heart to politics buts it quite subtle. I would recommend this book.

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Kane Doughty
5.0 out of 5 stars Simple yet profound.Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 6 September 2013
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I received this wonderful teaching on a saturday morning and due to it's small size was able to read the whole book in short sessions by the evening. Although it's short like the heart sutra itself, don't be fooled in thinking you "need" more to understand the complexity of the sutra, in fact it's quite the opposite. How you approach the simple yet extremely profound chapters in this book is the key to going deep into the teachings on emptiness and it's small size means you can take it with you anywhere.
A must have for anyone trying to understand emptiness. All that's needed now is to sit.

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The Heart of Understanding: Commentaries on the Prajnaparamita Heart Sutra

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The Heart of Understanding: Commentaries on the Prajnaparamita Heart Sutra

by Thich Nhat Hanh, Peter Levitt (Editor)

4.40 · Rating details · 2,732 ratings · 176 reviews

Form is emptiness, emptiness is form. In The Heart of Understanding, Thich Nhat Hanh offers a lucid and engaging interpretation of this core Buddhist text—The Heart Sutra—which is one of the most important sutras, offering subtle and profound teachings on nonduality.

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Paperback, 56 pages

Published October 1st 1988 by Parallax Press (first published May 31st 1987)

Original TitleThe Heart of Understanding: Commentaries on the Prajnaparamita Heart Sutra

ISBN0938077112 (ISBN13: 9780938077114)

Edition LanguageEnglish

Other Editions (22)

The Heart of Understanding: Commentaries on the Prajnaparamita Heart Sutra

The Heart of Understanding: A New Translation of the Heart Sutra with Commentaries

The Heart of Understanding: Commentaries on the Prajnaparamita Heart Sutra

Vorm Is Leegte, Leegte Is Vorm: Commentaar Op Het Prajñaparamita Hartsoetra

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Average rating4.40 · Rating details · 2,732 ratings · 176 reviews

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Bryan

Dec 19, 2008Bryan rated it it was amazing

my favorite book of last summer. it's short so read it three times in a week. it will help you realize that you are a tree! (less)

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Blaine Snow

Feb 21, 2017Blaine Snow rated it it was amazing

Shelves: buddhism

No one but Thay could make the Abhidharma technicalities and mind-bending paradoxes of emptiness of the Heart Sutra read like simple breathing while looking at clouds. The highest wisdom, prajnaparamita, in Thay's hands shows you its immediacy and practicality for everyday living. After reading and reviewing six different books on the Heart Sutra, his was the one I chose to teach from.

Gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha!

September 2018 Update

Don't miss Thay's new version of this book, now titled The Other Shore: A New Translation of the Heart Sutra with Commentaries. In it Thay provides his new translation and explains why it is needed and how the standard translation (and its variations) has often been the source of misinterpretations and misunderstandings of the central teaching of emptiness. (less)

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Hannah Garden

Jan 07, 2009Hannah Garden rated it really liked it

Y0u can't really three-star a sweet little treatise 0n h0w t0 be m0re kind and m0re aware 0f the hearts 0f pe0ple ar0und y0u, s0 this gets f0ur stars, because Thich Nhat Hanh, I like y0u m0re in the0ry than in practice, y0u 0l' dry-t0ngued devil. (less)

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Phuong Vy Le

Aug 18, 2016Phuong Vy Le rated it really liked it

Shelves: buddism, philosophy

"What/ who you think you really know?"

Over the past one year, whenever encounter anyone who sounds wise and open, I always ask s/he that question. I wonder whether we ever truly know anything/ anyone in this world, since everything & everyone change every single second. And if we hardly know anyone/anything, why we even bother trying to get-to-know or to learn because mastery of something or truly knowing someone are all illusions. (This question arose from some personal experiences during my 24)

Throughout that time, I got different answers:

- One talked about the Known, The Unknown, The Unknow-able

- Some claim the only one person they know are themselves and the only thing they really know is what they want to do

- Some said we know nothing

- Some said they know their bff, their mother, their children.

- Some just didn't answer

And, I stopped questioning since I thought it was enough and it might go nowhere. Getting other's answer doesn't really help me clarify my own.

But Thay made it so simple & so clear. “Views, knowledge, and even wisdom are solid, and can block the way of understanding.” "Understanding flows"

If I keep trying to know things, I will never know them truly, as they change constantly, and I will feel frustrated. But if I try to understand something, it means that Im aware of the context where it is, be one with it to look deeply into its nature, but never assume that it would remain unchanged.

Reading this small book was a really liberating experience for me :)

(less)

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Thomas

Oct 02, 2009Thomas rated it it was amazing

Shelves: religion, eastern-classics, philosophy

The heart of Buddhism (with Zen leanings) is encapsulated in this slim and poetic volume, but this book is for everyone. If you don't know Buddha from butter, it won't matter. It's probably the best introduction to the fundamental concepts of dependent origination and emptiness I have come across, without the didacticism or defensiveness that often accompanies more scholarly "explanations." It's simple, the way it's supposed to be. The way it is! (less)

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Cheryl

Jul 10, 2014Cheryl rated it it was amazing

Oh my gosh. Profound. Everything contains everything else. When you really take the time to absorb the meaning of this book, it's quite life changing. (less)

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Annie

May 21, 2018Annie rated it liked it

“To be is to inter-be. You cannot just be by yourself alone, you have to inter-be with every other thing. This sheet of paper is, because everything else is.”

“In the light of Buddhist meditation, love is impossible without understanding. You cannot love someone if you do not understand them. If you do not understand what you love, it is not love— it is something else.”

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Bob

Apr 05, 2010Bob rated it it was amazing

Short, simple, and deeply insightful commentary on the core sutra of mahayana Buddhism. The Heart Sutra is the heart of the prajna paramita literature, the great deepening of the Buddha's original teaching. This work demystifies the concept of "emptiness" by substituting the idea that we "inter-are." no one if us, no concept, nothing exists independent of the rest of us. You could read this book in an hour, and keep returning to it for a lifetime. (less)

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jen

Jan 23, 2022jen rated it really liked it

Shelves: buddhism, 2022

This was my first of Thich Nhat Hanh's many books, read last weekend just a few days before his death. I thought it might be challenging material but in fact was very understandable, and enjoyable. (less)

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Lon

Dec 31, 2020Lon rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Thich Nhat Hanh's gift as a poet illuminates what might otherwise be impenetrable and abstruse. Emptiness, the central insight of the sutra, is a key to freeing us from concepts that get us stuck in life, such as the notion of impermanence or the notion of an independent and enduring self.

This edition has been supplanted in the Plum Village community by The Other Shore, which treats the same subject matter but uses Hanh's 2014 translation of the Heart Sutra, retitled The Insight that Leads Us to the Other Shore. There's much to commend the new rephrased sutra and I appreciate the desire to use language less likely to be misapprehended, but I have misgivings about calling it a new translation. Where Hanh believes the sutra's lines could lead to misunderstanding, he takes the liberty of changing them. This pre-2014 rendering remains more faithful to the text of the Heart Sutra as it has come to us across the centuries and is known and chanted throughout much of the Mahayana Buddhist world.

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Trina

Feb 12, 2015Trina rated it really liked it

Shelves: creative-nonfiction, essays, nonfiction

It's possible to read this slim book in one hour, but not to assimilate it. Tich Nhat Hanh does his best to simplify the heart sutra for western readers. Maybe oversimplify is a better word. Some of his insights into Buddhist teaching are marvelous and clear; others are maddening. 'This is, because that is' does little to explain, e.g., how wealth consists of poverty and vice versa except in the grand sense of everything being part of everything else. Still, there are many lessons worth learning from the zen masters if we stay open and enter deeply into the things we want to understand. (less)

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Julie

Sep 04, 2017Julie rated it really liked it

I always read books like these and wish I could be more spiritual than I am. Or maybe not even more spiritual, but more able to harness these messages in my daily life. I love the ideas of Buddhism, but I'm pretty solidly enmeshed in my passions. :) In any case, it's good to keep reading and thinking and trying. This little book has a lot about emptiness and interbeing--how everything contains everything else within it and nothing could exist without everything else. I like it. (less)

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Levi Pierpont

Dec 03, 2020Levi Pierpont rated it it was amazing

Shelves: religion-buddhism

A short and thoughtful commentary on a sacred text that definitely needs commentary to be understood in any capacity as a modern reader with limited knowledge of Buddhist philosophy. Worth reading, as Thích Nhat Hanh's explanation and analogies are as poignant as ever in this little book.

*I listened to this book.* (less)

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Robbie Blair

Oct 06, 2014Robbie Blair rated it it was amazing

While not a flawless book, this rendition and discussion of the Heart Sutra is an accessible entry-point for some of Buddhism's key philosophies. For those who find those philosophies resonant, this work is also replenishing and profound. (less)

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Weathervane

Oct 07, 2015Weathervane rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction

Key Buddhist text. Lovely.

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mia moraru

Dec 30, 2016mia moraru rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Shelves: important

simply incredible. quietly profound, changing.

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Sienna

Jul 15, 2018Sienna rated it liked it · review of another edition

Recommended to Sienna by: Hoopla

Shelves: grief-death, read-2018, audio, love-communication

Lovely short meditation on indivisibility.

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Apr 25, 2021J. rated it really liked it

To really understand what it means to be one with all things. To understand form is emptiness and emptiness is form...but emptiness is not nothing, it is everything. Empty of self, full of all. To be everything and nothing. True, deep, powerful. I'll be revisiting this over and over. (less)

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Lisa

Jul 17, 2020Lisa rated it it was ok

I'm mostly unfamiliar with Buddhism, and don't consider myself a philosopher, so maybe I didn't understand this book. I started out at three stars, and the more I wrote the more frustrated I became until I brought it down to two. But here are my thoughts (would love commentary if anyone reads this, any time):

If we were not empty (of a separate self, which makes us full of the combined elements of life such as perception, feeling, etc.) then we would be matter. Form is emptiness (of a separate self), and emptiness is form. So the wave is the ocean, the ocean the wave. But then what exactly is matter if not an inanimate object? He says if were not empty, we would be matter, incapable of thought or feeling. Yet we inter-be with all sorts of things that don't have that ability. Except of course, the leaf is capable of experiencing excitement as it hurtles to the ground to become a tree all over again. So I don't understand what matter is, apparently nothing is, and there are no inanimate objects. So I also have to ask, what DOES have separate self, because apparently nothing does?

Thich insists it is science, not philosophy, that we have been birds and rocks and clouds in past lives because if you go back far enough, we all evolved from something. We ARE these things, we inter-be with them, because we have some of them inside of us, and we couldn't all exist without one another. But I'm still not a water molecule, and haven't been for some time. Scientifically. I have water in me, and that may be my origin story, but what are we actually trying to get at here? I'm not a cloud no matter how much cloud I have in me.

In that same vein, he says we can never be born, because we existed in our mother and father "half" before we were born. Nah. I was not Lisa before I was born, there were two separate elements that combined to make something new. Yes, those elements have been around forever and so I am connected to everything, but I still wasn't Lisa until I was, potential does not equal existence. This version of those aspects has never existed before and never will again. In that sense I am born even if my being wasn't created from nothing. Over and over, there is the equating of having an origin to not being a separate or individual entity. I am not a fish, no matter if my ancestors were once fish and I still have fishy DNA.

He goes onto talk about how what is immaculate and reviled is just perception, with a rose and garbage. Roses become garbage, which is used as fertilizer, making more roses. One and the same! Let's change rose to just a normal pile of trash. It smells bad to us, not to raccoons. Why? Because there is a biological basis for keeping us away from the garbage, it can harm us. Disgust is not always about perception, and if you fill your vase with medical waste you might get sick, because it's not a damn rose.

Then there is the bit about people dying very happy, peaceful deaths because they know they're coming back as something new and ~exciting~. What about the pain of life and death? It's one thing to say existence in some form doesn't end, maybe that comforts some. But life, for humans, is often full of physical pain. Are you saying that there will not be physical pain when I'm a leaf? He says the ocean waves no feel no fear, that means they're not sentient. But the leaf can wave goodbye to the tree, happy it's going to be seen again soon? Unless that wasn't a real conversation he had with the leaf. Again, I have to ask is ANYTHING matter, or is everything sentient? If the leaf is sentient, it can feel pain, which means my existence as a leaf might not be free of pain, in which case I'm not drifting off peacefully. If it's not sentient, does it really matter that I get to "be" a leaf? I won't realize I'm a leaf. Which means this version of me, as I know it, is DEAD. No one KNOWS what happens when we die, and that's just the truth of it. Energy not being able to be destroyed doesn't mean we have a never ending consciousness.

I actually got angry at the part about the child prostitute. She will take comfort in knowing her suffering in life is reflective of the failings of other humans in more well off positions - and then feel no shame, because she is oppressed only because they created a system of success linked to her oppression, therefore their hands are not clean and ta-da!: they are the same. This sameness should erase her shame. Thich has never had to have sex with dudes for money before, because shame is the least of that kids problems. No, it's not comforting, and it doesn't fix anything, unless those who create the system take on the burden of fixing it upon hearing this amazing revelation.

But then, there is nothing to fix. Because he states, once you choose sides, you're trying to eliminate half of reality. Evil is about perception, man, and those we label as evil see us as evil. Everything is relative. In fact, when describing the pimp who makes the little girl a sex slave, he doesn't refer to him as evil, or bad, or even something as gentle as misguided. He calls him CLEVER. Oh yes, how smart of this older man to see the value in the flesh of someone else's suffering! Not like it's the oldest profession, nah, Mr. Pimp is super industrious over here. Are you for real right now? Well, put me firmly in the camp with those who want to erase the half of reality that thinks child prostitution is not evil. I'm dying on that hill.

And probably not peacefully, for the record. Is this why some monks set themselves on fire, to prove the point that once you stop assigning value judgements to things you're completely free of suffering, even physical pain? Get rid of good and evil, human and object, desire and attainment, and suddenly this all just becomes a little jaunt through the forest where we admire the scenery before becoming rocks again. Yeah, in that mindset, I can see why you'd be free of suffering.

In general, the idea that we're connected IS nice, and very real, and I think helps us be more empathetic. But I found his arguments supporting that sloppy, unless I'm just not getting it. (less)

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Nathan

Jul 31, 2011Nathan rated it liked it

Shelves: philosophy, spirituality

Tentatively three-starred since I am, at the moment, unable to agree with the author's writings. Or perhaps it is more of a matter of understanding.

I can see how a piece of paper encompass the sun, trees, a speck of dust. So can I see the farmer's toil, his time, her sweat, a bull's labour, the sun's energy, the rain, in every grain of rice I eat.

But I am unable to see me myself in others, others in me. Though this much I know: that I am defined by everything else in the universe - my siblings, friends, colleagues, family - as is the universe by me.

Maybe that is what the author meant.

P.S.: I have a nagging thought that the author may have read Derrida's writings. Or that Derrida had a Buddhist influence. I'll be damned if inter-be is not differance. (less)

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Mckinley

Mar 18, 2015Mckinley rated it really liked it

Shelves: favorite, non-fiction, book-group, buddhism

Accessible, easy to read commentary on the sutra. Poetic movement of ideas rather than following a logic path. Great short sections helpful to break into brief meditations. Re-reading for book group.

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Veena Gokhale

Sep 16, 2018Veena Gokhale rated it it was amazing

I was glad to read this book again after a gap of at least a decade. Thich Nhat Hanh, the renowned and revered Buddhist monk, teacher, peace activist and "engaged Buddhist" who combines various Buddhist traditions in his practice and teaching, illuminates here a foundational text.

This is a lucid, beautiful, deeply touching and wise work.

Inter-being, a central concept in this book, says that every thing is connected, intimately so. The example given is that of a single sheet of paper which is here because of clouds and rain and sunshine and trees and the logger who chopped the tree and the mother who fed him and so on.

This leads Hanh to talk about the concept of emptiness which essentially says that everything is empty of a separate self in that everything is co-existent and inter-dependent. Later in the book he takes the example of a prostiute who would not be if the "unsullied" young girl from a honourable family did not exist. Similarly right could not exist without left, and even though he does not explicitly say so, he is referring here to ideology. Later we arrive at the idea that the Buddha is made up of non Buddha elements (!) Purity cannot exist if we embrace inter-being as a fact.

The deep insight into and understanding of inter-being and emptiness (the wave in only water) will lead to a lack of fear, it is said, because birth and death cannot scare us as they are a rolling, ongoing process which stretches back and forward infinitely and we are always part of the universe, which, after all, will always go on (OK, OK, let's not split hairs here!) Conscious, peaceful living with ourselves and the world is the best contribution (only?!) we can make: that's how the book ends. Phew! (less)

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Ernie Truman

Sep 16, 2020Ernie Truman rated it it was amazing · review of another edition

Short, simple and concise.

I have heard a couple people talk about how systematic Buddhist thought is, and reading a lot literature about it I began to agree. Then I read Thich Nhat Hanh, and although I didn't absorb his message fully with his other books, as my views have matured I have started seeing that everything in Buddhist practice is made of everything else. For example, I always thought that by following The Noble Eightfold Path you had to do things in a specific order, but now I see it in another way. One principle or practice of that path contains all the others. Fail at one and the whole thing doesn't work. You don't develop one practice on its own.

In this book Thich Nhat Hanh illustrates this by showing us a translation of the Heart Sutra and then gives some commentary on what the ideas point to in a way that is simple and easy to understand. I always struggled with the idea that emptiness is form and form is emptiness but now I have a good grasp on to see it. This book will take very little time to read but if you concentrate and look deeply into what he is saying I believe it will invite some great insight. It's affordable on Kindle but I do believe I will buy a physical copy if I can find one. A real treasure. I am also reading The Other Shore by Thich Nhat Hanh where he goes more in depth to this subject. However this one is less money and is a great presentation on how he views the Heart Sutra. If you're strapped for cash this will probably be more economical for you (when I bought it I think I spent 5.99 on Kindle). Enjoy! (less)

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Brian Wilcox

Jul 03, 2021Brian Wilcox rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Commenting on the Heart Sutra, Hanh applies it in a practical manner, clarifying section by section. He says understanding is the bedrock of world peace. Hanh prefers "understanding" to wisdom for the Buddhist term prajna, seeing wisdom - like knowledge - being static, while understanding is moves like flowing water. Understanding is deep seeing, or comprehending - a penetration. Hence, we can look and not see, while seeing - or understanding - is insight, or in-seeing, seeing within.

Key to these meditations is "inter-are" and "inter-being": this is for that is, that is for this is. We are in all things, all things are in us. Without Mara, there is no Buddha; without Buddha, there is no Mara. Buddha suffers for being Buddha; Mara suffers for being Mara.

So, in duality, we are responsible for all the good and evil from the perspective of nonduality: because you have plenty to eat, someone is dying of malnourishment; you have a house, so someone is homeless; one government is democratic, for one if authocratic. This insight into interdependence leads us to suffering for the suffering on earth, Hanh says. So, coming to peace within amid this duality, we can truly be peacemakers in the world without - but peace begins with each of us first in coming to peace within.

Hanh is gifted here, as elsewhere, in illustrating subtle, paradoxical truth with commonplace examples. Hearing Hanh here, one feels compassion, for these are words arising from understanding - that is, if our hearts are prepared to receive - be penetrated -, not just hear. (less)

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Harley Quinn

Aug 10, 2021Harley Quinn rated it really liked it

Shelves: non-fiction, philosophy, spirituality, religion, z-4-star, 2021

FABULOUS LISTEN TO CALM AN ANXIOUS MIND. I had something short of an anxiety attack yesterday after overdosing on COVID stories, news, and data. I listened to this book to wind down after my kids went to bed, and while attempting simple origami for the first time. It was only about an hour long, it was free through Audible's PLUS catalog (for members), and narrated by Edoardo Ballerini who had the perfect voice for it. This was my second Thich Nhat Hanh book, and I realized his last name is pronounced the same as my maiden name.

It earned 4★ since "I really liked it." It didn't earn a 5th star because it failed one of my litmus tests for non-fiction; the ideas weren't organized and/or sticky enough to remember. Whereas this author's Peace is Every Step (his most popular book, published in 1990) is written with a main theme with cohesive sections that support the theme, The Heart of Understanding (his 21st most popular book on GR, published in 1987) is just what the title says -- Commentaries. I'd say it's less cohesive, and that for me made it less memorable.

What I DID remember was the comparisons of roses to trash, this concept of "Interbeing" which I couldn't really wrap my mind around, and a discussion on emptiness (which was similar to Landmark Education). Since it is so short, I may try it again some day, or even use it to fall asleep!

In general I have found Buddhist ideas to be thought-provoking and sometimes even paradigm-shifting. The challenge I have is being able to access those ideas at my pace of life. (less)

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Richard Thompson

Jul 06, 2020Richard Thompson rated it really liked it

Shelves: religion-spiritual

There is nothing new here. It's all standard Buddhist thought that anyone with the most passing familiarity with Buddhism already knows. But that didn't make this book bad or too simple. There was beauty in its simplicity, and I was calmed by the familiarity of the message. I can't truly say that I have learned the lessons here in the way that this book says that I should in order to have true knowledge. I probably never will. But the very idea that there is nothing new and that most of us will never truly learn these teachings is a key part of what this book is all about. But the book also tells us that this should be grounds for joy, not despair.

One of the possible paths to learning these lessons is repetition and reinforcement. As I walked through the world today, I was seeing things in the world around me much more than I usually do as part of their context in the great flow of existence. I'll probably forget to do that tomorrow, but maybe with a little practice I can begin to cultivate it as more of a habit.

Apart from the content of the message, Thich Nhat Hanh delivers his teachings in a wonderfully calming voice and style that was enough by itself to pull me into a meditative state. This is a book that could be could be read again and again without losing its power. (less)

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Dan Nguyen

Feb 06, 2020Dan Nguyen rated it it was amazing

I have never thought that I will have another point of view in Buddhism. First thing first, I'm not Buddhist and i read this book due to talking world religion class.

The book is full of logical things in an advanced level. One of the point, Thay said "this is like this, because that is like that", which is so true. We live in a society, love to judge things, to differentiate things into 2 extremes. We want to define things good and bad, ugly and beautiful, pure and impure. Once asking human to give a definition of beauty or ugliness, who are able to do that?

As a person, we tend to like the best, the nicest, the most beautiful things whether it's a fresh rose or an delicious dish. We clings to the impermanent things in the earth.

We have a craving. Craving to be richer, to have more and more and more. It is never enough for us.

But once we realize things are interconnected, what you did today affect yourself and your generation, your children, your grandchildren later, once you realize things are impermanent, you will get older, sicker and once day you die. When you have a awareness of those above things, you can easily let go the unnecessary things, to live fullfilly, to laugh more, to appreciate the world and suddenly have a much wonderful life. (less)

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Bradley

Jun 10, 2019Bradley rated it really liked it · review of another edition

Shelves: philosophy

Hahaha, I'm guilted into not putting this below 4 stars. It touches the heart AND THUS BINDS IT.

Thich Nhat Hanh is the pocketbook version of ancient wisdom. Not literally the author himself. In a way one could say he was the words in the book, the pages and the mental formations while reading it. Most of Thich's books are short and easy. This does not betray the efforts of his translation as it is often very difficult to bridge certain gaps of understanding. Those of us in the West are notorious (mostly in theory) for lacking said understanding.

For me, perhaps it's a vision of nonduality, there is no version of wisdom that cannot be understood when plainly set. It's the shared humanity. The Heart of Understanding.

*mic drop for title drop*

Simple, overpriced read. I doubt the money is going directly to the author though. The wisdom is timeless and priceless so...Okay. This is a wrap. You already know if this stuff is your shindig. If you're on a journey, best of luck, and if you are just interested this is no where near a long read so give it a try.

See ya :D

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Caitlin Ball

Mar 04, 2021Caitlin Ball rated it it was amazing

While at first it seemed as if the writer was speaking in riddles to sound clever, the more I read the more sense it made. They spoke of the connectedness of life from a scientific standpoint. Comparing a rose to garbage and garbage to a rose. Explaining how they had equal value. I used to make a similar comparison as a child. Saying that we are no or less important than the smallest grain of sand. Though this book better explained the philosophy than I ever could. At first the science seemed reaching, but the more I read, the more it made sense. Science is one of my favorite areas of study and one of my favorite theories is that of the organic universe. Which this resonates with. Evil and good exist in tandem. The rich exist due to the poor and the poor exist due to the rich. It points out a balance in life and the interconnectedness of everything. The answer I was looking for was not fully here, but perhaps it was in part. (less)

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Andreea Ureche

Jun 15, 2018Andreea Ureche rated it really liked it

Small reminder of what we should think about as humans and how our heart needs to be healed with every breath we take. How we should take care of us and others, how we should spread love and kindness, how we should think before talk about others and how we should think that a rose indeed can come out of garbage and will go to garbage sooner or later and this makes garbage important too.

We should see the forest and what it is instead of checking up every tree.

An important lesson in simple and mindful words. (less)

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