2022/07/20

My Experience as an African American Quaker - Friends Journal

My Experience as an African American Quaker - Friends Journal
My Experience as an African American Quaker


October 1, 2014

By Avis Wanda McClinton


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Part I

The concern I have is to express my experiences as an African American Quaker and also to be believed. This story began long, long ago when our country’s policy supported the system of buying and selling Africans for profit. Black, Native American, and white abolitionists worked together on the Underground Railroad. From 1852 to 1865, Quaker abolitionists Thomas and Hannah Atkinson’s farmhouse, located in Maple Glen, Pennsylvania, was used as an Underground Railroad station. Many fleeing runaways were helped by them to get to northern states or Canada. The former Atkinson farmhouse is still in use today as the Upper Dublin School District administration offices. This building still contains some of those secret places where terrorized fugitives were hidden. Adjacent to the farm is the Upper Dublin meetinghouse and graveyard. The Atkinsons were members here. When runaways died on this branch of the Underground Railroad, they were buried secretly at night in the meetinghouse graveyard because the law prohibited any assistance to runaways. I personally admire the people who risked their lives being abolitionists because they could have been imprisoned for assisting runaways. Both Thomas and Hannah Atkinson are buried in the meetinghouse graveyard along with many of the people that died seeking freedom.

I began to attend Quaker worship at Upper Dublin Meeting at a difficult time in my life in 2009 when I needed a quiet place to connect with God. I am the only African American member the meeting has ever had. This meeting is a very old one which usually has less than ten in attendance each Sunday. Many of the members are descendants of Hannah and Thomas Atkinson. I was in awe when I became aware a few years ago that enslaved people were buried in a section of our meeting’s graveyard. I knew that Quakers were abolitionists in the era of slavery in America, but this concrete evidence of our history had a powerful impact on me. I knew this was sacred ground because the sacrifice of my ancestors held in bondage made it possible for all African Americans to be free. These historic heroes were never mourned, never had their voices heard or their place in history truly recognized. They deserve to be remembered and commemorated. It makes me proud to know that the religion that I converted to was a part of the anti-slavery movement.

My leading from God is to do everything in my power to protect the earthly remains of the enslaved African Americans interred in the Upper Dublin meetinghouse graveyard. I have taken this leading personally because these are my ancestors. At a meeting for business, I learned that my meeting was making plans to sell the plots where they knew the enslaved African Americans were buried. I thought that was a desecration of my ancestors’ final resting place. How would you like it if someone disturbed the remains of your loved ones?

This is what my leading has accomplished so far:On Saturday, February 9, 2013, a memorial service was held in the Quaker manner for the interred enslaved African Americans.
On Saturday, February 16, 2013, a second memorial service was held.
In March 2013, the Pennsylvania Historical and Museum Commission designated this place as a Pennsylvania Historical Site. The placement of this Pennsylvania historical marker, recalling what happened here during the era of slavery in the United States, is pending.
Starting with the 2013-2014 school year, the Upper Dublin School District in Montgomery County made this significant local history part of their social studies curriculum. Before doing this, the district had instituted a community-wide diversity program for community residents, and all school staff, including librarians, cafeteria workers, maintenance crew, bus drivers, teachers, and administrators, so that they could implement this new curriculum with sensitivity. All of this was done under the leadership of Dr. Michael Pladus, a Japanese American superintendent. In this way with this new curriculum, all students can gain a more complete understanding of American history. I was unable to do this when I was a student in the district in the 1960s and 1970s.

On October 26, 2013, the dedication ceremony was held for the graciously donated granite memorial marker where the enslaved African Americans’ graves are. The Upper Dublin School District, including students, their parents, and the superintendent all participated in this celebration. The marker inscription reads:

IN HONOR OF THOSE KNOWN ONLY TO GOD / THE BRAVE AFRICAN AMERICAN MEN, WOMEN, AND CHILDREN TRAVELING ON THE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD WHO DIED SEEKING FREEDOM / 1852–1864

The three well-attended services that we held at Upper Dublin were multiracial, intergenerational, and interdenominational gatherings of folks who were profoundly moved and freely spoke of their deepest feelings. It has been a great honor to be able to remember my ancestors from the time of slavery in America in this way.

By being awarded a Pennsylvania historical marker for this site, a page has been put in our nation’s history. This is a remarkable achievement.
Part II

Enslaved people had to hide in the daytime and travel by night, so as not to be caught. There is a story that I read about the Underground Railroad that still haunts me; it’s about a woman with her children. One night when this woman stepped away from her children suddenly a predatory panther took one of her children away. She could hear the cries of her child as he was being eaten. Then there was silence.

My experience at Upper Dublin Meeting is not a happy story, but it is a consequence of slavery.

The unfortunate racial hatred that my meeting members have directed toward me because of this project has made a hostile environment, so it is impossible for me to attend weekly meetings for worship. But, in order to carry out the work of my leading, I need to go to business meetings. Since March 2014, my quarter and yearly meetings have arranged for my safety to have two Quakers from other meetings accompany me for meetings for worship for business to carry out my leading.

One true example of verbal abuse directed at me by a meeting member occurred just before worship started one Sunday. We were taking our usual places on the benches, and a member walked up to me as I was sitting ready to worship, and said, “I don’t want to sit near you. Get up, and go sit in the back somewhere.” This intimidation didn’t work on me. I didn’t move.

Another time a generous member of the meeting offered to cater the repast after the memorial service. I took this to business meeting and was told no; the African American guests would not be fed in the meetinghouse. Finally, after a lot of frustrating discussion, the meeting agreed to serve only cookies and juice to our guests.

The meeting has withheld the contributions made for this project, so there are outstanding bills.

As a group, we went out to the graveyard and agreed on a spot to place the memorial marker which was donated by a local company. After taking pictures and measuring where the memorial marker would be placed, I informed the Graveyard Committee that I wanted to be there when the marker was installed to take pictures of the installation, and make sure that no bones were uncovered. However, that didn’t happen. No one from my meeting informed me that the stone had been installed. A neighbor who lives near the meetinghouse called and told about some activity in the graveyard. I went over and found the marker installed about four feet nearer to the wall at the back of the graveyard, not at the spot that we had all agreed on. I was very angry. Everyone knew how important this memorial marker for my ancestors was to me.

When Upper Dublin fourth grade teachers asked to bring their classes to visit the meetinghouse and memorial marker during February, Black History Month, the meeting didn’t think Black History Month was important, so they took no action. The students’ visit happened in June, just before the end of the school year.

At the last meeting that I attended of the Philadelphia Yearly Meeting Ministry for Racial Justice and Equality, hosted at my home, the clerk of Upper Dublin Meeting at that time who was also a member of this group turned to me and said that white people are more civilized than black people. It was as if the ceiling had opened up and dropped ice water on me. I was speechless. To add insult to injury, neither the clerk of the Ministry, nor the other members of the group sitting there, all of whom were white, said anything. The insult went right over their heads. After the meeting was over and everybody left my home, I immediately wrote a letter of resignation to the clerk of this group. Later one member of the group called me and apologized. This incident made it extremely difficult for me to interact at Upper Dublin Meeting to carry out my leading to honor my ancestors since I had to take everything through the clerk.

The Pennsylvania Historical and Museum Commission approved this site at Upper Dublin Meeting as an historical site back on March 26, 2013. There is paperwork that has to be finalized by the meeting so the roadside Pennsylvania marker can be permanently placed. As yet, more than a year later, no action has been taken by the meeting. If we don’t take action soon, this distinguished award will be forfeited.

The most serious incident that I have experienced took place during our worship hour one morning in February: I was moved by the Spirit to stand to share a message that had come to me, but before I could say a word, a member jumped up and said, “Shut up, you are a bum! I don’t want you in this meeting any more. Get out!” I was so astonished at these hateful remarks that I picked up my pocketbook, and as I was leaving I paused and said to each and every one there, “You see what is happening, and you say nothing? That makes you just as bad.” Then I told them, “God will get you for this.” And I left and drove home. How humiliating it was to be run out of my meetinghouse! Later, I found out that they had called the police and told them I had made a terroristic threat, which I did not.

There are members of my meeting who would like my membership taken away from me. I feel as if I am desperately fighting for my very soul and my right to worship at my own meeting.
Part III

Where is God here? Historically injustice and inequality have been a part of American society and of the Religious Society of Friends. This situation at Upper Dublin Meeting is horrible. Obviously, if these incidents happened to a white Quaker, things would be a lot different. Sadly, the kinds of things that happened to me in my meeting continue to happen to Quakers of color in other meetings. This makes me feel frustrated, marginalized, and alienated. A faith community is supposed to be a nurturing place whose members should not tolerate such hateful actions.

Query: Does your faith community face the need of having honest and open discussions about the legacy of slavery with all its hurtful facets? Can we accept the strong feelings that will arise from these discussions?

Query: Is your faith community prepared to work with your local community to create a racially diverse and equal society?

Query: As a Friend would you allow another individual to insult, demean, hurt, or exclude another from his or her worship? How can people just stand there and let bad things happen?

God has given me the leading to do this work. God is real to me. If God asks me to do something, He expects me to do it to the best of my ability because He said, “I will never forsake you.” The legacy that I want to pass on to future generations does not include hatred.

Where, as a Quaker, do you personally stand on this issue, and where do I go from here?



Updates: Historical Marker Unveiled (9/28/14)On September 28th Upper Dublin (Pa.) Meeting of Philadelphia Yearly Meeting celebrated the unveiling of a Pennsylvania historic marker which honored the lives of Thomas and Hannah Atkinson, members of the meeting who offered safe haven on the underground railroad. The AFSC’s Acting in Faith blog covered the unveiling.
The clerk of Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, Jada S. Jackson, responds (10/9/14)“As clerk, I am concerned with the spiritual state of the entire meeting. When we become a member of Religious Society of Friends we commit ourselves not just to our monthly meeting but to a communion of Friends seeking that of God in everyone. This community, as the individuals within it, is imperfect. Yet we obligate ourselves to love each other.”
Members of Upper Dublin Meeting respond (12/1/14)A letter from a group of Friends in Upper Dublin came to us from the co-clerks of the meeting and represents an informal collective response from some meeting members who felt concern with this article.


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Avis Wanda McClinton

Avis Wanda McClinton is a resident of Glenside, Pa., in Upper Dublin Township. She is a board member of the Grandom Insitution, a grant making project of Philadelphia Yearly Meeting.
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46 thoughts on “My Experience as an African American Quaker”

Barbara Harrison
October 1, 2014 at 10:04 am


It has taken me several hours to recover from reading Sharon Smith’s article and I find Avis Wanda McClinton’s just as appalling. I am wondering if I will be able to work up the courage to read any more of this month’s articles. I am frankly ashamed of my white brothers and sisters and applaud the bravery of our brothers and sisters of color in remaining among us.

Editor: please feel authorized to integrate my two posts this morning if you wish to do so.

Sharon Smith
October 1, 2014 at 4:20 pm


Dearest Friend, Wanda, please know that my heart, spirit and prayers are with you. We are in this together. You are not alone.

Dawn Hirsch
October 3, 2014 at 8:57 am


As one of the two clerks of the Upper Dublin Meeting Graveyard I AM appalled at the absolute untruths once again told by Avis McClinton about our meetinghouse AND it’s members. I am the only person that speaks to Friends interested in a burial in our graveyard and NEVER have I EVER stated to someone NOR attempted to sell a plot NOR discussed the possibility of EVER using the grounds that we have held sacred for the last 200 years. Avis has only been with us for the past 4 or so years but for some reason she is under the impression that we have only, “through her leading’s”, held that ground sacred since her arrival. There has always been a Graveyard Committee in place there to protect the grounds, those buried in our cemetery and our proud history. I am a descendant of the Atkinson family so this means so much to me, my family and all of our members.
As far as the other hateful untruths told regarding “racial hatred” I don’t even have the words to express the upset that these very serious allegations have caused and will continue to cause.

Nikki Mosgrove
October 4, 2014 at 8:26 am


I am so very saddened by Ms. McClinton’s experience–I felt physically ill after reading this! I am a member of the Trenton Meeting (NJ) and I couldn’t imagine being treated in this manner (I am also an Black woman). We should all hold her and the entire Upper Dublin Meeting in prayer!

Alice Yaxley
October 5, 2014 at 5:10 am


I hope it’s clear to all Friends that the only qualification we have is how we stand in the presence of God. No Quaker ancestry, no worldly wisdom or experience has any significance in our lives of faith besides how we live from that Divine Life which blesses and leads us.

Unfortunately there are cultural residues which get in the way of our faithfulness to the divine Life and lead to idolatry and injustices. Meetings which are not attuned to the needs of those joining the Society can be extreme in their lack of welcome. Lack of attention to the Divine Presence is of course going to cause failure and inability to carry out the duties entrusted to us, because God is the One who gives the power to do what we are supposed to do, and all that is good comes from that Soucre.

The structual violence of racism that surrounds us in society is easily carried through and acted out in Quaker circles, as many can attest to, including the authors of the articles in this months’ FJ, as well as the classic text ‘Fit for Freedom . . .’. I believe that it is only when we enter into the transformative Divine energy, drinking deeply from that Living Water, that we can be cleansed of our faults and prejudices and set to rights, able to live a life of mercy and justice under God’s guidance. All of our administrative tasks for Meetings must be secondary to our faithfulness to the Holy Spirit of God. No ancestry can do this for us: only our own daily effort to take up our cross and follow that Teacher who alone can lead us rightly.

My prayers are with all those who are responding to the issues of this months’ FJ, especially with those who have suffered much at the hands of white Friends, and my hope is that the divine spirit can show mercy by moving to lift the burdens of those who are suffering most, and gently reach and heal the hearts of those who are most in need of change.

Thanks for your faithfulness in your work for God and for writing this article, Avis Wanda McClinton. Perhaps an outpouring of God’s love will occur from your faithfulness, and that of the other authors in this issue. That is my hope for healing the bitterness and hatred in the hearts of those who are amongst us in Meetings, so we can once again respond to the Holy leading upon which we are relying for transformation and healing in the world around us as well as within our own hearts, families, and Meetings.

patricia walsh fingeroff mrs
October 5, 2014 at 7:44 pm


I am stunned. Absolutely stunned by this treatment of Avis Wanda McClinton by Upper Dublin Meeting. What about “That of God in every person”???

Pat Fingeroff, Abington Friends

William Frank
October 6, 2014 at 1:13 pm


I was married in the Upper Dublin Meeting, and had several friends (the personal type, not the Quaker type) in attendance of the ceremony. All persons in attendance were offered seating on a first come, first serve basis, and not one person was asked to move. Neither during, nor after, the ceremony did any one of my friends ever complain of any slight or innuendo to, or about, their genetic inheritance. I remember a homogeneous group of human congeniality seated before me and my wife-to-be; the space between persons seemed equitable to the general amount of personal space required by this particular species, and there were no obvious grouping(s) by family origin, primary language, chosen gender reference, height, weight, or skin pigmentation. However, what appeared to a random seating of humans, was more likely influenced by long-term friendship alliances, time of arrival, and/or each person’s habitual use or non-use of tobacco.

I speak not to individuals involved in any, implied, dispute above, but only to my experience with this establishment. I have no intimate knowledge of any event relevant to this editorial piece, other than that of which I write in this short comment – a comment which speaks only to a single, fond memory etched in the infinitesimal synaptic spaces of my ever deteriorating mind. Sigh.

Go thee in peace, be thee in harmony with the divine, and avoid thee solitary confinement at all costs.

Andy Rose
October 6, 2014 at 3:04 pm


Kudos to FJ for publishing Avis’ experience. Y’all “thresh” or whatever, I believe her and recommend “laboring with love” with Upper Dublin and “reading them out” of whatever quarterly and yearly meeting condones and perpetuates this behavior. Who will care for this meeting? What in the world is “sacred ground”? Spirit moves in all things. Let them reapply for care from quarterly or yearly when they

are clear on Friends values and ACT like they know what our testimony means, which are not a mystery

This “Dawn Hirsch” could read The New Jim Crow and get on the right side of history and act Quakerly.

Bettye
October 6, 2014 at 5:00 pm


After reading these journals for two months, I knew that the Quaker method of Sunday worship was for me. I had located a meeting house that was not far from my home, and had made up my mind to attend this coming Sunday. Now, after reading the article by Avis Wanda McClinton, I’ve changed my mind; the service would provide no respite from the ugliness of the world.

Esther Cowley-Malcolm
October 6, 2014 at 6:27 pm


I couldn’t believe I was reading this about ‘Friends’ …How can they sit and worship as Quakers when their behaviour is so racist?.I am normally so proud of what I read in our Quaker Journal that I want to share it with the world but this I am so ashamed of that I want to hide it…it is like a big white horrible stain on my Quaker family. However, I applaud Avis for speaking her concern and for telling her story. I really hope and pray that she will find a meeting place that embraces and loves her in all her full-ness. I am so sorry that Avis has been treated so appallingly by people who deem themselves to be Quakers. In reading Avis’s story I am filled with this sick feeling in my stomach and a real pain in my soul. Thank you for publishing Avis’s story as horrible as it is we need to know so we as Quakers can respond appropriately to eradicate this horrible disease of racism from our society.

Andrew Swartley Cohen
October 6, 2014 at 6:34 pm


You have brown eyes
I have blue
why don’t you see the truth
as I do

Wade Wright
October 7, 2014 at 11:35 am


I believe the story Avis Wanda tells about how some individuals in her Meeting have treated her. I ask that all Friends/friends who read this story look in their hearts and listen to the still small voice of God and find out what the Spirit wants from them. What does Love require? How can justice flow? I am praying that we all look around and see the Grace that is being brought to our community in this situation.

Lee Henkel
October 7, 2014 at 4:54 pm


I’m not going to address who’s right and who’s wrong in their perception of the truth; both probably believe that what they said is true. This is what concerns me the most: “To add insult to injury, neither the clerk of the Ministry, nor the other members of the group sitting there, all of whom were white, said anything.” This is absolutely plausible, as I have seen similar things happen in other Quaker settings. I have attributed it to Friends’ dislike of conflict, but we are complicit when we don’t speak up.

Maia Simon
October 8, 2014 at 10:38 am


Avis Wanda does not have access to the internet, so I have printed these comments so she can see how her article has been received. If friends want to address support to her directly, please send snail mail c/o Maia Simon 6 Collins Rd, Trenton NJ or email at maiasimon@me.com

Patricia O'Donnell
October 8, 2014 at 2:02 pm


Is it possible that the situation at Upper Dublin is a result of an enthusiastic person who is new to Quakerism running up against people who are set in their (slow Quaker) ways? I’ve seen this sort of situation in many different types of groups over the years, but normally, the enthusiastic newcomer either figures out how to work within the organization’s constraints, makes changes to the group from within, or gives up and goes elsewhere. But in this case, instead of viewing it as a “new vs old” culture clash, Friend Avis Wanda has made the assumption that her conflicts with the Meeting are purely because she is African American.

It sounds as if this group initially welcomed her with open arms (there is no mention anywhere of these “racists” attempting to dissuade her from joining their Meeting). It also sounds as if the problems started with this new Friend when her leadings conflicted with the burdensome process of obtaining consensus from the Meeting. This is indicated by her own words: “Another time a generous member of the meeting offered to cater the repast after the memorial service. I took this to business meeting and was told no; the African American guests would not be fed in the meetinghouse. Finally, after a lot of frustrating discussion, the meeting agreed to serve only cookies and juice to our guests.” It sounds as if, in Avis Wanda’s experience, it would be disrespectful to invite people to an event and not provide lunch, but the Meeting may have felt that a full catered meal would be a logistical impossibility and argued that punch and cookies had been adequate in the past. Does this tiny Meeting normally provide full catered meals when they host larger events, but punch and cookies when some of the people at an event will be African American? Does she believe that “a lot of frustrating discussion” is something that could have been avoided were she not African American?

We have not been provided any perspective from the Friends at Upper Dublin – this article is details the perspective of one relatively new Quaker who feels that her Meeting is not adequately supportive of all of her ideas and plans, and she attributes this lack of enthusiasm to racism. Please think hard on this, Friends, before leaping to assumptions about a situation you do not know firsthand (and I do not, either). Think hard about how your Meeting (or any other group you belong to or work for) has handled energetic and enthusiastic newcomers who are full of good ideas, but are not yet familiar with your corporate culture. We may yet learn something from this conflict, but in the end, it may not have anything to do with race.

Diana Collinelli
October 8, 2014 at 9:02 pm


.
I recently met Avis at PYM and was inspired by her spiritual sincerity to honor her ancestors As a former abuse counselor I can say that she spoke to me about the members of her meeting in a way that other women who had been marginalized spoke. I felt that she needed support and continue to feel this way. I along with my grandson, Dante sat with Avis Wanda at Upper Dublin Meeting at the Dedication of the Offical Pennsylvania State Historical Marker. It brought tears to my eyes to see God flowing through Avis Wanda.
This is our opportunity to show our love and compassion to follow Black Quakers. Let us not ignore this Way Opening for us all to love each other no matter what .

Sam Lemon
October 9, 2014 at 12:44 pm


Having read the letters by Sharon Smith, Vanessa Julye, and Avis Wanda McClinton, I was greatly saddened by them. For some time, I have also been aware of the serious concerns regarding the conflict at Upper Dublin Meeting and I attended all three events to honor the former runaway slaves buried in the graveyard there. As a descendant of former runaway slaves, this was deeply meaningful to me. Each of those events — including the most recent on September 28th when the historical road marker was unveiled — were well attended with a rich mix of culturally and ethnically diverse people. Everyone present appeared genuinely moved by this spiritual and commemorative gathering. And it is difficult for me to believe that these three noteworthy and wonderful events could have happened without the cooperation of the members of Upper Dublin Meeting.

Over the many months of this controversy, I found myself accepting on face value the many allegations concerning some of the members of the Meeting and the Atkinson family, which alarmed me — without ever having been present to personally hear or witness any of these reported events. That is not to say that these things could not have happened. But it dawned on me, that I had never heard the other side of the story. From my personal contacts with her, I believe that Avis is a deeply spiritual person with strong, inspirational leadings. But the same may be equally true for other members of the Meeting or the Atkinson family.

While racism continues to be a major and destructive problem in our country, perhaps even in some of our Meetings, it is essential not to discount some of the critical points made by Friend Patricia O’Donnell above. The slow, deliberative nature of Quaker process can be very frustrating, even maddening, at times. And Patricia raises a good point in wondering what would have been the outcome had all the people involved been of the same race. I understand the need for Quaker process, but I feel that sometimes Friends adhere more to the letter (of the law) rather than the Spirit. In this way we cling to the very forms and structures we eschew. And what can understandably be viewed as foot-dragging would be better served by a more nimble process.

None of what I have said is an apology for racism and insensitivity, as I have experienced both in my life. And both continue to exist in the world and within the Society of Friends. As Sharon and Vanessa mentioned in their respective letters, it can be difficult — and lonely at times — being a Quaker of color. Perhaps the Society has rested on its theological laurels too long, because there is an arrogance that has developed over the years among some Friends who feel they can tell others what to believe, or have no problems shouting at or disrespecting others in meetings. We have lost members of my own Meeting because of such behavior.

Being tried in the press is never a good way to discern the truth. A better way of addressing this conflict would have been to have all parties involved meet together with objective third-party Friends to have a frank discussion and arrive at a peaceful resolution. Perhaps that has already happened. But regardless of their veracity, to air these grievances in the media, particularly after the fact, is unfortunate and unfair to everyone at Upper Dublin Meeting. Because warranted or not, it is public shaming that only encourages further conflict and prohibits understanding and reconciliation. Whether true or not, had I been accused of such racist acts I would be quite angry and defensive, too. And I would not be particularly eloquent in responding to them.

William Penn said: “For me to be right does not mean that you must be wrong.” I don’t know if this situation is reconcilable, because there are now such serious divisions and deeply hurt feelings on both sides. But I hope that everyone involved would be willing to put that aside to try to reach a better level of understanding. What I experienced at Upper Dublin Meeting on Sunday, September 28th, with the Meetinghouse packed to capacity with people of all ages and colors of one human family in worship and in sharing — was not only spiritually inspiring, it was magical — and worth repeating there, and everywhere. And that would help us grow.

A young lady with an angelic voice closed the ceremony by singing the song “Imagine” by John Lennon, a capella. We should contemplate those lyrics and take them to heart. And strive to be a better Religious Society of Friends.

Takashi Mizuno
October 9, 2014 at 3:32 pm


Dear Sam,

I read your comment a couple of times. I had not written a comment until I read yours today because I was the one who indirectly recommended you as one of the speakers for the ceremony on September 28th at Upper Dublin Friends Meeting. Although I do not share some of your views, I share your following hope : ” I don’t know if this situation is reconcilable, because there are now such serious divisions and deeply hurt feelings on both sides. But I hope that everyone involved would be willing to put that aside to try to reach a better level of understanding. ”

As people say, we can not change people , but we have the power to change ourselves. I think that it is now helpful to not take action but to have enough space and time for both sides in order to get to the place that you and we have hoped for.

Takashi Mizuno

Suzanne
October 9, 2014 at 11:12 pm


In the Facebook comments on this article (found on FJ’s official page), Friend Robyn has posted a series of pictures from the dedication ceremony that are worth seeing.

Martin Kelley
October 10, 2014 at 10:29 am


In case readers on this thread miss it, Jada S. Jackson, the presiding clerk of Philadelphia Yearly Meeting, has written a response: https://oldfj.wpengine.com/presiding-clerk-philadelphia-yearly-meeting-responds/

Bill Samuel
October 22, 2014 at 9:39 pm


I assume it was the intent of FJ in publishing the articles, including this one, in which individuals relate the experiences they felt at the hands of Friends Meeting, to provide an opportunity for the largely white readers of FJ to hear directly from Friends of color in their own words and understandings. This kind of hearing is one of the steps needed if Friends are to grow into consciousness of the racism that is embedded and awareness that changes of heart and mind are needed. I hope some will be ready to have their understanding expanded, but the cold reality is that some will have difficulty in accepting the need for change.

It seems to me that it is important in this that the Friends be able to name the specifics of their experiences. I understand the distress that this may cause other Friends involved in the situations described in this and other articles. However, I believe that attempting to provide a “balanced” perspective would result in the failure to really hear the experiences of Friends of color. It would sort of bury their experiences in a mix of voices. There is a difference in the way we need to treat the voices of those who have been excluded in many ways and the voices of those who have been in the dominant role. It is true that no single person’s experience of a situation involving a number of people can provide the whole story, but it is vital to highlight the stories of those who have not had much of a voice.

I pray that this and other efforts to address the embedded racism in the Society of Friends in North America will touch many hearts, and help many Friends to grow in recognizing and struggling with racism.

Black Quaker
November 21, 2014 at 10:25 am


All of these white people tears are funny. One person claims an injustice and you automatically switch into white guilt mode. It’s embarrassing. We are a people built on an investigation of truth. It is possible that this Friend is hurting in a profound way that has made her see this situation in a way that doesn’t reflect the reality of her surroundings. I hear and feel that in the subtext enough to not automatically lash out at a meeting that I’ve never been to and people that I don’t know.

Now, is there racism within the society? Absolutely. Have I experienced in profound and hurtful ways, you bet. Should these folks be allowed to bully a fellow member for any reason? Absoluely not. I’m simply suggesting a level of empathy for all in the situation.

Kur B.
November 26, 2014 at 11:56 am


I felt emotional a few evenings ago when I read through this article and thread. Having only been attending Meeting for a few months it does not feel right to voice an opinion. I really tried not to but here I am a few days later….meant to be electronic humor 🙂
Recently a weighty Quaker suggested we use life stories during an informal Worship and Ministry . Shortly afterwards I felt moved when I heard Christie use life stories and analogies. So I thought I’d refer to my experience without the gory details.
My opinion is that I have no opinion. It’s been my experience that using a public forum for sensitive issues is an accident waiting to happen. Regardless of how good my intensions were and how sensitive I tried to be, I found electronic communications- (e-mail before the new millennium in my case) such as Social Media, websites (passwd protected or not), e-mail, SMS (aka TXT messaging), etc.; are not a good place to try to resolve or even discuss sensitive issues. I suppose I’m in the minority because I’ve come across many wonderful people (some with the best of intensions) go at it electronically since Netscape 1.0. Actually, I didn’t find it painful just over data but voice comm. lines (the phone) as well.
Whether I felt right, wrong or indifferent if someone asked for my experience; I found it more productive (and less hurtful) if I shared it in person.
This article/thread and all of its content has been very insightful. I have taken many things from it, learned a bit more about the Quaker way of life and have (happily) stumbled upon an acquaintance’s post. With all the good that data communications (including this one) provide, I found not going there difficult at times but (eventually) it felt like the right thing to do.
I.E. I had a Facebook account for a few months in order to take part in a group regarding an historical topic. We created the group with the mission of remaining loving and caring; anyone who was not would be removed. The sense of that group evolved into something else. As much as I adored the topic, I bugged out of Facebook.

Obviously, none of my experience is unique and some of you had heard this before but I thought I’d share it anyway. I was hoping to keep this post to a paragraph or two. Boy did I fall short…LOL (or would that be long?)

Shelia Bumgarner
December 29, 2014 at 7:14 pm


The whole October issue weighs heavy with me and not in a good way. A failure to communicate and maintaining “this is the way we have always done it” only explains part of the unpleasantness. However, when someone insisted that she sit in the back of the room, as well as the clerk’s comments followed by someone calling her a bum when she tried to present a leading in Meeting for Worship cannot be explained away. Either those things were said or they were not.

Joe Uknalis
January 3, 2015 at 11:50 am


We submitted this for publication in the December FJ issue […]

[Eds.: The response from some Friends in Upper Dublin Monthly Meeting appears in the December 2014 Forum]

Comments are closed.

A Gospel of Quaker Sexuality - Friends Journal

A Gospel of Quaker Sexuality - Friends Journal

A Gospel of Quaker Sexuality
May 1, 2016

By Kody Gabriel Hersh

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Quakers have sometimes been described as “a peculiar people.” That’s a fair way to describe my religious upbringing, in a geographically remote outpost and an extremely liberal wing of a kind of wacky denomination.

My weird and lovely little faith community was one where people spoke often about their grief and their hope for the brokenness in the world. Growing up, I heard a lot about Quaker values, commitments, and beliefs. I came out as queer without feeling any conflict with my identity as a Friend. But as my commitment to Quakerism as a spiritual path deepened, I realized that there was a disconnect between Quakerism and my emerging sexuality. Sexuality had generally been treated as a private matter in my family and community. I had been taught, however, that taking Quakerism seriously and listening for the leadings of God could potentially change my approach to everything. I realized that I needed to figure out for myself what a sexual ethic grounded in Quaker faith might look like.

Over the course of a decade of thinking, praying, and talking with people about the relationship between sexuality and Quakerism, I’ve come to a number of core convictions. In the most technical sense of the word, “gospel” simply means good news. I believe that this world is sorely in need of good news about bodies and sexuality, and that there is a lot of good news to be given! What follows is some of my gospel.

The gift of our sexuality
As a Christian, I am a disciple of a leader whose first miracle—according to the Gospel of John—was to turn water into wine. Jesus didn’t just refresh the supplies of a three-day-long wedding party that had run out of alcohol; he made really good wine—the best that had been served at the party up to that time.

These are not the actions of a God who feels negative, or even neutral, about pleasure, enjoyment, and riotous joy. We have a remarkable capacity for experiencing pleasure in our bodies—from the feeling of warm sun on skin to the smell of rain on pavement to the taste of rich food. Our capacity for pleasure is part of our humanity, a gift from God. Sexual pleasure is part of that gift.

Humans were created for love, in the broadest sense: familial love, spiritual love, the love of deep friendship, romantic love. Our sexuality is one of the ways we can experience and express love in and through our bodies, and that makes it important and potentially very beautiful.

I believe that how we live our sexuality is critically important in our spiritual lives. But I don’t think the rules are all that complicated. I don’t think God is judging us based on whether we have sex, how many people we have sex with, or what kind of sex we have with them. I don’t think God cares what genders of people we’re attracted to or whether we wait to have sex until we’re married. I believe that what God wants from us in our sexuality, as in all other things, is that we act with love and compassion. As the prophet Micah said, “What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God?” Or, as the prophet Kurt Vonnegut said, “There’s only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”

Including sexual violence in our peace witness
As a child growing up in a Liberal Quaker meeting, nonviolence was one of the first things that I was taught to associate with Quakerism. I learned that the Quaker commitment to nonviolence is a witness of our care for everything that is a manifestation of the Divine. I learned to think of peacebuilding as the ultimate goal of Quakerism, and of everything else that was described to me as a Quaker testimony—simplicity, equality, integrity—as a blueprint for what true peace would look like and how it might be achieved.

I was not taught to understand, as a child, that violence intimately permeated the lives of people in my own family and community. I was not taught that, as a person assigned female gender at birth, I would have a one-in-four chance of being a target of sexual assault during my life. I don’t remember sexual violence being identified as part of the culture of violence that we sought to dismantle.

If we long for peace, we need to acknowledge the pervasiveness of sexual violence. I need to remember that there are people, among those I love, who experience street harassment every time they leave their houses alone. Survivors of sexual abuse have been my friends, partners, coworkers, and kids I work with, and those are just the ones I know about.

There have also been perpetrators of sexual abuse among my friends and community members, including kids raised in Quaker communities similar to my own. On multiple occasions, in different communities where I’ve held leadership roles, I’ve known sexual violence to have occurred between Quaker young people. I feel a profound responsibility, out of love for my faith community and the kids we raise in it, to do everything in my power to transform the systems that put their safety and well-being at risk.

Sexual violence is a problem in Quaker communities. It is not restricted to any particular group of Friends. I have seen too much of it to perceive it as anything but a systemic problem: a collective failure to interrupt the cycle of sexual violence that pervades our society as a whole and to prevent it from running similarly unimpeded within our own house.

Friends must start teaching our children, and each other, that understanding and practicing consent is critical to a life of nonviolence. Silence isn’t going to do this teaching for us. If we can’t talk about sex, we leave ourselves at the mercy of the uninterrupted discourse of rape culture, because we have offered no challenge and no alternatives.

Quakerism and rape culture are fundamentally incompatible. Quakers will know we are working for peace well when we find ourselves butting heads with this culture at every turn. We must preach a sexuality of nonviolence, in which every human is allowed to choose freely how, when, and whether to use their body for pleasure and connection. To be an agent of sexual nonviolence, I must cultivate my capacity for listening, empathy, and honest communication. I believe this is within every person’s ability, if we teach and support one another in making it so.

Body positivity
Icame to Christianity somewhat reluctantly. I was already out as queer, comfortable in a progressive-nerdy-renegade role. I never felt like Christianity was for people like me. But then, like some lead character in a cheesy, gay, young adult novel, I started to develop these . . . feelings. At first, I thought I could push them away, or deny they meant anything, but I kept finding Jesus kind of unnervingly compelling.

The Jesus I fell in love with doesn’t feel scary or dogmatic or really anything like I expected. I’ve come to understand Christianity in a much more radical and countercultural light than I did as a child. In my view as a sex-positive person, Christian theology provides a powerful center of gravity for my understanding of the goodness of the human body.

Christianity represents an intersection of the spiritual and the physical, the sacred and the profane, that blows those distinctions out of the water. If God chose to take on human form and experience and participate in everything that comes along with having a body—eating and pooping and nose blowing and stuff—how can I consider any part of my life so mundane that it is without goodness or significance? How could I believe that having a body is anything other than a profound and beautiful mystery?

I’ve found body positivity easy to affirm in theory but incredibly challenging in practice. Body shaming is disproportionately leveraged at women, and people perceived as women, as well as people of color, people with disabilities, and lots of other marginalized groups, but it affects everyone. It’s a critical component of the systems of oppression that police certain populations of people and consolidate power among others. I’ve had to convince myself that “fat” isn’t a bad word but a neutral descriptor of lots of amazing, powerful, and beautiful bodies, including my own. I’ve only begun to dismantle some of my ideas about what bodies are “supposed” to be able to do, and to release judgment when my own or other people’s bodies don’t live up to that. There is still so much to do.

Conscious reproduction and village-dwelling
When I talk with people about connections between sexuality and Quaker values and beliefs, the connection that people seem to struggle with most often is between sexuality and earthcare. I’m not talking about places where sex-related consumer decisions have an environmental impact; I’m talking bigger, and also more personal.

By far, reproduction is the most significant environmental decision most of us will make. We are living in a pivotal moment of climate change and its effect on long-term survival prospects of every species on Earth. The prevailing scientific agreement is that this is now an unstoppable catastrophe. We are in a crisis, and it’s time to do what damage control we can, and start to imagine a new way of being on the planet.

In this context, I believe reproduction constitutes a serious moral choice. Humanity desperately needs rising generations of creative, thoughtful problem-solvers and leaders, but we also need fewer humans competing for the available resources. The moral questions related to bringing a child into what may be a dying world are ones for which I have no glib answers. So many factors go into reproductive decision making that any judgment of other people’s choices or experiences would be harmful and ignorant.

The dignity and importance of good parenting and the need to care for the earth by limiting reproduction are not incompatible. Quakers and others can better honor both by shifting to a model in which the decision to parent is spiritually discerned without predetermined outcome.

I choose to believe, as an act of faith, that there are enough resources on this planet to support every person, if we make reproduction an entirely uncoerced option. It can be one of many choices, including fostering, adopting, village-dwelling, or not being involved in the raising of kids at all. I’m a village-dweller myself: I love kids, and find joy and fulfillment in supporting parents and other family members in raising them. I don’t want to have any of my own, but I do want to be there for the kids in my life when they have stuff that is too hard or weird to talk about with their parents. I want to babysit so parents who don’t get enough time together can go on dates. I want to show up for the important things in the lives of the kids I love and help them know they are loved by a big circle of folks.

For reproductive parenting to be freely chosen from a variety of options, we need to take some concrete steps. Freely chosen parenting means freely available birth control in a wide variety of forms. It means universal, truly comprehensive, and holistic sexuality education that addresses not just the physical act of sex but communication, relationships, reproductive decision making, and sexual health throughout life. It means taking a serious look at the causes of socially pressured, personally coerced, or unintended pregnancies around the world, and supporting people in developing thoughtful, culturally sensitive solutions for their own cultures and communities.

It means transforming attitudes about what constitutes a normal life cycle, a fulfilling life, a family, and a legacy. Quakers can set an example for this shift by discussing reproductive decision making when we address topics of morality, discernment, and leadings with both children and adults. People approaching their faith communities for support and clearness around family planning could be a normal practice among us.

The wild idealism of Quaker marriage
The Quaker understanding of marriage is consistent with both the wild idealism and grounded pragmatism of Quaker faith. It’s the simple, radical idea that marriage relationships are created by God, not by other people. Neither a church nor an officiant, a judge, or a legislator—no human being or organization—can perform a marriage; we can only witness that God has married people, and agree (or not) to help care for their marriage.

The first wedding I remember attending took place when I was about five years old. I remember the sun in the courtyard of my meetinghouse and the brides smiling. It was the first time my meeting had married two people of the same gender. As was happening in many Friends meetings around the country and world at the time, this wedding was preceded in our community by years of painful debate. But we learned, somehow. We grew in our understanding of what “marriage” meant.

I’ve identified as polyamorous for years, and know a lot of other non-monogamous people in lovely, loving relationships. I’ve believed theoretically that deep, spiritual relationships of mutual care and long-term commitment could exist among more than just two people. Until recently, however, I didn’t personally know anyone who was married to more than one person.

About a year and a half ago, I met a family with three married partners at a Quaker conference. Since then, I have become a devoted long-distance, social-media fan of their relationship. I love their “kids going back to school” posts, their “can’t wait for family movie night tonight!” posts, their posts about silly things, and their posts about incredibly hard things. I have seldom seen relationships with such tenderness, affection, and openness, especially in the context of tremendous discrimination. It is inconceivable to me that anyone could know them and not believe them to be married, or fail to find their marriage to be worthy of care and celebration.

The profound hopefulness of the Quaker commitment to continuing revelation is that we are not stuck with what we know right now, or what we know alone. Our work is to be present and attentive in a gloriously complex world. Things will surprise us. We will be required to change our minds, to grow continuously into new understandings of how love manifests in the world.

Seeking wholeness
By affirming the goodness of human sexuality, in all its rich diversity, I am fighting for my wholeness: for all of my identities, desires, and connections to be present in the room, all at once, in dignity and safety. I am fighting for your wholeness. I am fighting for our ability to connect authentically. I am reaching for a place where we know more because we have heard each other’s stories, where we begin to grasp the full truth by sharing the parts of it we can each see from where we are.

Having sex like a Quaker—pursuing a grounded, loving, progressive, and life-affirming approach to human sexuality—is an act not just of seeking wholeness but of staking out ground and fighting for our wholeness actively and passionately. We need to do this if we are going to resist the machinery of shame, the hierarchy of human worth. These will try to erode and erase our wholeness. But they will not win. We can’t let them.

Micah encourages us to let go of our effort and anxiety about the things that are extraneous in our relationship with God and focus on the essentials: “What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God?” We do justice, with regard to sexuality, when we work to dismantle the systems of oppression that lead to sexual violence, seek every opportunity to prevent that violence, and commit ourselves to prevention, justice, and healing.

We are lovers of mercy when we conduct our own relationships with compassion and concern for the well-being of others. We can walk humbly by acknowledging the things we don’t know, committing ourselves to a lifelong learning process about sexuality, and most of all, refraining from judgment of other people’s consensual relationships.

Finally, Micah tells us: God will be with us. Guidance and help are here, and they will keep coming. We are grounded. We are loved. And we are not alone.

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Kody Gabriel Hersh
Kody Gabriel Hersh is a queer, trans, polyamorous Quaker youth worker who loves Jesus and is passionate about justice, peacebuilding, and joy. Kody grew up and maintains membership in Southeastern Yearly Meeting and is active with Friends for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Concerns (FLGBTQC) and Christian Peacemaker Teams. This article was adapted from a talk given during Haverford College’s Religion and Spiritual Life Week in September 2015.

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6 thoughts on “A Gospel of Quaker Sexuality”

Margie
May 3, 2016 at 11:23 pm
I have a lot of love and respect for Kody, and really appreciate and resonate with this article. I’m very glad he is part of my Quaker community. Here’s what I have to add: In my opinion, as someone certainly on the radical end in thinking about young people, I think that when we perpetuate the existence of an option, for adults, not to be involved with kids, it’s another way we are allowing young people’s oppression to continue. Kids are without legal rights or a voice in our governance. They rely wholly on adults to make choices, pass legislation, and elect officials, all with their best interests in mind because they have no say. I think, therefore, it’s imperative that all adults know and have some involvement with children. I realize we, as a society, have a very far way to go from pressuring all people to be parents to creating a world where all people are involved with young people but no one is pressured or coerced into parenthood. But it’s an ideal I want to strive for!

Reply


Chris Paige
May 4, 2016 at 8:18 am
This is so, so good. So comprehensive. So rich. I hate to be critical. Am I missing the part where intersex and non binary bodies get acknowledged? I just desperately want to find it. It feels like it must be there. Somewhere.

Non binary bodies and identities are so often left out of the rhetoric of sexuality, that it leaves us almost unrecognizable as our fullest selves in the grammar of desire. Instead, we are subsumed under other labels, left to be impersonators or non participators, except for those who bother to take the time to see us, to really know us and to let go of preconceived scripts.

Reply


Kody Hersh
May 4, 2016 at 11:58 am
I’m so grateful to each of you for adding these pieces. Thank you.

Reply


Kat Richter
May 5, 2016 at 10:41 am
This is a fantastic piece of writing, Kody. And while I do see the points of the earlier commenters, I would like to commend you for getting this dialogue started (and to remind everyone, as a former intern with Friends Journal, that they’re always happy to consider new submissions so perhaps some additions to this topic by other authors are in order). Also, while I am always eager to expand my own rather narrow-minded views of polyamory, what really resonated with me was what you said about creating a culture of spiritual discernment within the Religious Society of Friends regarding child-rearing. This is something that I have really been wrestling with, especially as an anthropology professor, because my discipline sees all too clearly the effects of overpopulation and climate change and I feel that I can’t, in good conscience, contribute to that problem simply because I want to have children. I always thought I would adopt but now that I’m marrying my best friend, I find myself wanting to have HIS children (everyone always told me the “baby” bug would kick in when I finally found “the one” and dammit, they were right!) but this piece has given me a lot to think about, both pros and cons in this regard. At any rate, thank you for this great work! It’s stuff like this that makes me proud to be Quaker 🙂

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Miranda Elliott Rader
May 9, 2016 at 7:29 pm
An excellent gospel message, Kody! I love this article (especially with the commentary additions). Yes. Our faith comes from a god who rejoiced in Her body, and commanded us to love one another with loving kindness. And our faith community’s commitment to nonviolence needs to mean work around healing from sexual violence, preventing sexual violence, and teaching our children effective communication in a way that it doesn’t do yet. Thank you for so clearly speaking my mind!

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Joshua Feierman
August 21, 2016 at 1:58 pm
I was searching today for something to help me articulate my own beliefs on this subject, and happened upon this wonderful piece. I do not think I could have spoken more eloquently on the subject than you have. If God is the loving, compassionate, and kind being we believe Him to be, than why would He disapprove of the love between two individuals simply because they (a) share the same anatomy, (b) don’t happen to be married, etc? Love is a beautiful thing, and I truly believe that so long as the love we have for each other helps us to live better on the path of kindness, peace, and compassion, God would have no problem with us.

Peace be with you friend, and thank you for sharing.

Reply

A Quaker Approach to Living with Dying - Friends Journal

A Quaker Approach to Living with Dying - Friends Journal

A Quaker Approach to Living with Dying
August 1, 2017

By Katherine Jaramillo


Photo © Martin Kelley.
I’ve been present with hundreds of people as they’ve died, hundreds more who were already dead by the time I was paged, and hundreds more who were in their dying process. I’ve accompanied spouses, parents, children, friends and family members as they’ve experienced the horror and sorrow of grief. For the past 20 years, I’ve been a chaplain, mostly in hospitals, a few with hospice. In doing this work, I’ve crossed death’s path more often than I can count as I’ve zigzagged my way through the hospital corridors and in the homes of folks experiencing the last days, weeks, months of life. Those of us on the interdisciplinary healthcare team struggle, as best we can, to provide our dying patients with a “good death,” however they and their families define such. There’s a saying in healthcare, “People die as they have lived.” Sometimes that is not the case, but, more often than not, that’s the way it goes.

Often, Quakerism is defined as a way of life. Some questions that I have carried for years in the ministry of chaplaincy include the following:

What does our Quaker faith and spirituality offer us as we face decline, diminishment, and death?
What can we say, as Quakers, with regard to dying and death as a personal and spiritual experience?
Is there a Quaker way of dying? How do we, as Quakers, do this?
My formative experience with regard to the Quaker way of dying was by accompanying a Friend through her decline and death. Her final illness, dying process, and death were Quaker community and meeting experiences. Her experience wasn’t a private or family-only affair. When she couldn’t come to meeting, small groups of Friends were dispatched to her home, hospital, or nursing facility to have meeting for worship with her. Friends from meeting stayed with her overnight in the hospital when she had to be on the breathing machine and was so uncomfortable and scared. She had a committee of trusted Friends who arranged for her practical needs when she was still able to live independently, including staying with her 24/7 when just home from the hospital and at times of extreme debility. These Friends helped with discernment regarding transition from independent living to a skilled nursing facility. In what turned out to be her final hospitalization, these Friends helped her discern her choice to decline heroic life-sustaining treatment and allow herself a natural death. Friends reflected with her about her desire for integrity and living in alignment with the testimonies, her beliefs about an afterlife. She was afforded the opportunity, though her Quaker way of living, to proceed to a Quaker way of dying. One First Day, as we knew death was approaching, our meeting of about 80 Friends decided to meet in a hospital conference room for worship. About halfway into the worship hour, a Friend came downstairs to announce our Friend’s death. It was a gathered meeting. Our Friend died the way she had lived.

Last year, desiring conversation on these questions, I facilitated an interest group I called “The Quaker Art of Dying” at the Pacific Northwest Quaker Women’s Theology Conference. The conference brings women together from the divergent Friends traditions in the Pacific Northwest, primarily from Canadian, North Pacific, and Northwest Yearly Meetings, as well as other independent meetings and churches, to articulate our faith and to learn from each other. The group was well attended and diverse. I presented three queries to the group for discussion. We broke into small groups each taking one of the queries, then reconvened into the large group to get the bigger picture.

What is a Quaker approach to declining health, dying, and death?
Friends reported their understanding that all life is sacred and Spirit informs all life. A Quaker approach would be a mindful, conscious, and prepared approach, with an excitement—or at least a willingness—to enter the mystery of death. It was agreed that a Quaker approach would involve less denial that someone is dying or that death is imminent. There is a value for listening, hearing one another’s experiences, and entering new situations with curiosity, not offering answers. Especially for Liberal Friends, but for some Evangelical Friends as well, there was less focus on an afterlife. A Quaker approach would be a well-ordered approach, with orderly records, legal documents, and final letters and lists of wishes. Friends agreed that cremation was customary and in alignment with Quaker values. The writing of a memorial minute was another Quaker tradition to document the passing of a Quaker life. As one Friend stated, “The Quaker approach is portable; you can take the heart of the Quaker way wherever it needs to go.”

How do our beliefs, testimonies, and values inform our approach to the end of life?
Friends agreed in their understandings that we have a direct connection with the Divine. Some Friends voiced a lack of fear about death. Others voiced fears about the decline of physical and cognitive abilities and the actual process of dying, such as the possibility of pain, loss of competence, being a curmudgeon, or depleting family resources. One Friend likened the burdens of dying to birthing: “Both are hard work.” Friends agreed that upholding the dying person in community benefits the community as well as dying person. Friends voiced an intention to allow support and presence of others as we approach the end of life, as well as taking all the alone time we need.

How can we prepare for death? Our own and that of our loved ones? A list emerged.
We need to:

Pray.
Think about what we want.
Talk about what we want, even though it is difficult, especially with our children.
Talk about what others want.
Talk with our families about our wishes.
Pray some more.
Deal with unfinished business—either finishing it or leaving it unfinished, but dealing with it intentionally.
Educate ourselves about health decline and the dying process by reading books like Atul Gawande’s Being Mortal.
Talk with our spouses or significant others, about things we’ll need to know if they can’t tell us themselves for whatever reason.
Prepare for the process:
Who do we want involved? Who do we not want involved? Do we want a care committee or not?
How do we want our remains disposed? Do we prefer cremation or burial? If we want to be cremated, do we want our remains to be scattered, interred, or buried?
What do we want for a memorial or funeral?
Do we want an obituary; a eulogy? What would we want said in our memorial minute?
We need to help meetings and churches be prepared for the decline, debility and deaths of their members and attenders.
Keep praying.
This conversation continues. In a recent meeting of our Quaker women’s discussion group, I facilitated a robust discussion about a Quaker approach to end-of-life issues and posed similar queries to the group. Evangelical Friends spoke of the “continuum of life” that transcends death, the need for “being right with God,” and the peace that “being with Jesus” will bring. Liberal Friends spoke of “entering the mystery” and “going into the Light.” There seemed to be agreement and assurance that “all will be well” at the end of physical life. Some women focused on the need to enter this time of life with their “affairs in order.” Other women spoke of their experiences accompanying a dying person in their meeting or church or in their own families. All seemed to enjoy the discussion of “things we don’t usually get to talk about” and voiced an intention to encourage further discussion in our churches and meetings. Later this month, I will attend my own meeting’s retreat where the topic will be “Spirituality As We Age.” No doubt, we will be continuing the discussion of how we Quakers intend to die as we have lived.

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Katherine Jaramillo
Katherine Jaramillo is a staff chaplain at Legacy Good Samaritan Medical Center in Portland, Ore. She has worked in healthcare chaplaincy for 20 years. She is a member of Bridge City Meeting in Portland.

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Donald W. McCormick
9 thoughts on “A Quaker Approach to Living with Dying”

Karen Modell
August 3, 2017 at 2:56 pm
Nicely put Friend Kate. Complaining each other on the final journey is one of the most important actions we take together as Friends.

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Gwendolyn Giffen
August 4, 2017 at 9:10 am
I also have seen many, many people die, but from the other side of the bed. For the past 20 years, I have worked as a registered nurse. I grew up a Quaker, and my mother was a recorded Quaker minister. This past autumn, she slowly declined after breast cancer cells that were resistant to chemotherapy, took off through her body like a drug resistant organism, and took over her liver and bones. In December, she died with with her husband and I at her side. For 20 years, I have worked with the other nurses and aids who turn, reposition, clean, medicate, and attend to the bodily needs of the dying. Those caregivers suffer spiritually, and immensely. They usually do not have the freedom or energy to attend church, and they become very disillusioned with many forms of religion. As I helped my own mother go through the dying process, I felt frustrated with the lack of integration between those attending to her spiritual needs, and those attending to her physical needs. She was a very involved person. So there was a bit of overkill from the spiritual community, while my niece and I, and sometimes my brother and two aunts for short periods of time, attended to her physical needs, in an intense and demanding sharing of shift-work between just a few people. Hospice gave us a couple of hours a week of reprieve, but they were not by far the backbone of her direct care. I truly became quietly sick and disgusted with all of the ministers and friends coming to pray with her by the end. I smiled at everyone, hugged people, but inside, the frustration with it was building.This feeling may have been misplaced and misguided, but I’ve had months now to think about it. We all have different roles in caregiving. We really do. I’ve only brought myself to go to my Friends meeting twice since she died, and it has been fulfilling when I went. But I can’t deal with the belly-fuzz picking, and I probably will not be able to for a very long time, if ever. I suppose that it is important for the people going through it, to dwelll and discuss personal issues. Direct caregivers only really have each other, and on-the-fly, in reality. I truly wish I could pick my own belly fuzz, but there isn’t time, and I don’t have the patience. There is just too much to do, and not enough people doing it. I’d like for everyone to receive the care my mother received, at home, as she died. But I know that most Quakers will not be able to do that. I know that my own family will not. I know that a minister might give me a little comfort, but when I am dying, please, plenty of pillows, and keep me clean and dry. And buy me frozen mocha latte’s at McDonalds every day.

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Barbs
August 6, 2017 at 2:05 am
Hope you get what you want and need, Gwendolyn. Same for all of us. Good post. Thank you.

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Marilyn Laforest
August 6, 2017 at 10:39 am
The greatest gift:another human being allowing you to administer to them in their dying. Feels like one foot in heaven and your heart is full.

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Penn
August 9, 2017 at 4:31 pm
How do Quakers feel about green burial instead of cremation?

Reply

A Mysticism for Our Time - Friends Journal

A Mysticism for Our Time - Friends Journal

A Mysticism for Our Time
September 1, 2017

By L. Roger Owens

Rediscovering the spiritual writings of Thomas R. Kelly

Thomas R. Kelly, “The Record of the Class of 1914.” Courtesy of Quaker and Special Collections, Haverford College, Haverford, Pa.
While doing doctoral studies at Harvard in 1931, Thomas R. Kelly, a Quaker and author of the spiritual classic A Testament of Devotion, wrote to a friend and offered an assessment of famed British mathematician Bertrand Russell. He said that Russell seemed to him like an “intellectual monastic,” fleeing to the safety of pure logic to avoid the “infections of active existence” and the “sordid rough-and-tumble of life.”

When studying the papers of Kelly at Haverford College outside of Philadelphia, cocooned in the safety of the library’s special collections room the week after the presidential election, I was struck by this remark about Russell. I realized that many have leveled the same charge against mystics like Kelly himself. They are the ones, the story goes, who flee into an interior world of spiritual experience to escape the rough-and-tumble of actual existence.

The suggestion is not unfounded. Kelly’s thinking about mysticism was carried out under the long shadow of psychologist and philosopher William James: Kelly worked with James’s understanding of mysticism as the experience of the solitary individual. Kelly was also writing in the period following Evelyn Underhill’s influential Mysticism—its twelfth edition published during the years he was at Harvard—in which she writes that introversion is the “characteristic mystic art” that aids a contemplative in the “withdrawal of attention from the external world.”

That Kelly might be branded, then, a guide to the experiences of the inner life alone seems reasonable. My research has caused me to rethink this assessment; now I see Kelly as a mystic whose life is one of commitment to the world, not escape from it. And he can be a resource for those of us searching for a worldly engaged spirituality.

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Istarted reading Kelly when I was 32. I remember this when seeing the mark I made in the biographical introduction to A Testament of Devotion of what Kelly was doing when he was 32. Because I wanted to explore the inner life of prayer he wrote about and lived, I was as drawn to the story of his life as I was to his writings.

A lifelong Quaker, Kelly was academically ambitious, driven, convinced that success as an academic philosopher would ensure he mattered. He received a doctorate from Hartford Theological Seminary in 1924 and began teaching at Earlham College in Indiana. But he pined for the rarefied intellectual atmosphere and prestige of an elite East Coast college. In 1930 he began work on a second doctorate at Harvard, assuming this would be his ticket east. But when he appeared for the oral defense of his dissertation in 1937, he suffered an anxiety attack; his mind went blank. Harvard refused to let him try again.

 

This failure proved the turning point in his life. It thrust him into a deep depression; his wife feared he might be suicidal. It also occasioned his most profound mystical experience, and he emerged a few months later settled, having been, as he put it in a letter to his wife, “much shaken by an experience of Presence.”

His friend Douglas Steere, a colleague at Haverford where Kelly was teaching at the time (he made it back east), summarized how many perceived the fruit of Kelly’s experience: “[A] strained period in his life was over. He moved toward adequacy. A fissure in him seemed to close, cliffs caved in and filled a chasm, and what was divided grew together within him.”

Three years later Thomas Kelly, 47 years old, died suddenly while washing dishes. The essays published in A Testament of Devotion were written in those few years between the fissures closing and his death. He died not only a scholar who wrote about mysticism, but a mystic himself, who knew firsthand that experience of spiritual solitude purported to be the essence of religion.

Far from sinking into the solitude of mystical bliss after emerging into his new, centered life, he promptly made an exhausting three-month trip to Germany in the summer of 1938, where he lectured, gave talks at German Quaker meetings, and ministered to the Quakers there who were suffering under Hitler.

The purpose of Kelly’s trip to Germany was to deliver the annual Richard Cary Lecture at the yearly meeting of German Friends. His letters home detail his painstaking preparation. He met frequently with his translator, working through the manuscript for several hours a day to render it in German. In a tribute to Kelly that was sent to his wife following his death, his translator—a Quaker woman of Jewish ancestry—said that his presence and his message were what the German Friends needed in “a time of increasing anxiety and hopelessness.”

 

From the beginning of the lecture, Kelly’s florid language is on display: he comes across as an evangelist for mystical experience, the “inner presence of the Divine Life.” His purpose is to witness to the inner experience of this divine life, this “amazing, glorious, triumphant, and miraculously victorious way of life.” He’s not offering an argument for it, or a psychology of it, following James, but a description resting upon experience.

Importantly, early on, he rejects any notion that this is a merely otherworldly experience. (In the published version of this lecture more than 20 years after its delivery, Kelly’s son cut out this section, maybe because it’s technically denser than the rest or maybe because it didn’t fit the mold of relevance for spiritual writing.) Kelly believed that the Social Gospel Movement of his time had too narrow a horizon, having bracketed out the persuading, wooing power of the Eternal. It is the one place, he noted, that he agrees with theologian Karl Barth. On the other hand, the experience he’s describing does not issue in withdrawal or flight from the world. “For,” as he puts it, “the Eternal is in Time, breaking into Time, underlying Time.” In fact, the mystical opening to an eternal “Beyond” opens simultaneously to a second beyond: “the world of earthly need and pain and joy and beauty.” There is no either-or.

This is precisely the place where Kelly’s experience makes all the difference. His weeks in Germany brought him into contact with many Quakers. He saw how they were at once struggling to live under the Nazi regime in fear, anxiety, and material want while also serving their suffering neighbors.

We learn this in a 22-page letter he wrote near the end of his trip. (Kelly spent two days in France in order to write and send home this frank letter describing the situation in Germany, fearing his letters sent from Germany were being read.) He notes in the letter that though Germany is “spruced up, slicked up,” its soul echoes hollow. If you were not a Nazi, you were always afraid, he wrote, because there’s “no law by which the police are governed.” He expresses amazement at the difficulty of getting good information, lamenting the lack of a free press because of the government’s stretching its “tentacles” deep in every news source. “There are many, many,” he writes, “who pay no attention to the newspapers. Why would they?”

But he puts a human face on these generalizations. He tells the story of a man who wouldn’t pay into a Nazi-run community fund because he was caring for the wife and children of a man in a concentration camp. This man lost his job and was also sent to a concentration camp. He expresses disgust at the signs everywhere that say “No Jews!” He writes about the courage some people display in not saying “Heil Hitler,” and the crushing blow it is to the conscience of those who do say it because they have children to feed and fear retribution. “It’s all crazy, isn’t it?” he writes. “But it’s real.”

He realizes he can’t ignore this suffering, even as he reflects on returning to the relatively safe, comfortable suburbs of Philadelphia and to his position at Haverford College. God hadn’t just shown himself to Kelly in a solitary moment of mystical experience, for as he says, “The suffering of the world is a part, too, of the life of God, and so maybe, after all, it is a revelation,” a revelation he knew couldn’t leave him unchanged.

This letter describes the context in which he gave the Cary Lecture. He believed these German Friends needed to hear both the message of the possibility of a vibrant inner life, and also how this inner life invites them into a sacrificial bearing of the burdens of their neighbors and a continued search for joy, the divine glory shimmering in the midst of sorrow.

And now we must say—it sounds blasphemous, but mystics are repeatedly charged with blasphemy—now we must say it is given to us to see the world’s suffering, throughout, and bear it, God-like, upon our shoulders, and suffer with all things and all men, and rejoice with all things and all men, and we see the hills clap their hands for joy, and we clap our hands with them.

A decade ago when I read passages like this in A Testament of Devotion, the admonitions seemed tame, tinged with poetic excess. When I read this today, knowing the context of its writing, I see it differently: it’s a summons to a vocation, the vocation of seeing and acting as one in the world settled in God, open both to the deepest pain and the hidden beauty in the midst of suffering—a call to service and to faith.

The very day I was reading this lecture, holding the 80-year-old, yellowing pages in my hands, students at Haverford College were walking out of their classes in solidarity with their classmates who have lived most of their lives in this country, though illegally, to protest President Donald Trump’s proposed immigration policies. Similar walkouts were occurring on campuses across the country. That same week, Haverford students were in downtown Philadelphia protesting the police brutality they expect to continue under a Trump “law-and-order” administration.

 

Kelly’s lecture and letter resonate with these current events, not because of parallels between Nazi Germany and the victory of Trump—some have tried to make them, but that’s not my point. Rather, it is the suffering caused by fear (the fear immigrants, African Americans, Muslims, and refugees feel) that Kelly’s spirituality of a dual beyond—the Eternal Beyond, and the beyond within of suffering and joy—might prove able to guide us through, whenever such fear occurs. Just as Kelly’s presence and message were what the German Quakers needed to hear in their time of “increasing anxiety and hopelessness,” so too might the same message be needed in ours.

But this wisdom is useless if it’s not made concrete. There is no “suffering with all” in general, only concrete commitments to this or that person, this or that situation. Kelly knows this, and his most important point in the lecture is the exploration of the load-bearing wall of Quaker spirituality: the concern. A concern names the way a “cosmic suffering” and a “cosmic burden-bearing” become particular in actual existence. A concern names a “particularization”—one of Kelly’s favorite words—of God’s own care for a suffering world in the concrete reality of the life of this person, of this community. It is a “narrowing of the Eternal Imperative to a smaller group of tasks, which become uniquely ours.”

The Quakers in Germany can’t bear the burdens of all of Germany. But, when sensitized to the Spirit, they could discern how God’s care for the world could be made concrete, particular in their life together: in this caring for a neighbor, in this act of resistance, in this fleeting sharing in joy.

While he was reminding those German Quakers of something at the heart of their spirituality, he offered the rest of us a way out of the sense of being overwhelmed when we view the world’s suffering as a whole. “Again and again Friends have found springing up a deep-rooted conviction of responsibility for some specific world-situation.” For Kelly, mysticism included ineffable, inner experience, but also included a sense of the Eternal’s own turning in love toward the world, made concrete in particular lives and communities.

 

Ileft Haverford with these thoughts distilled into one word as I made my way back to my own community of Pittsburgh, a word that I knew, but Kelly gave to me anew: “discernment.” This is the word I want to carry, to offer to my church, the seminary where I teach, to all those who wonder how to live in the midst of suffering and fear—with the occasional upshot of joy. Discernment. How will God make concrete, particular, in my life, in my church community’s life, God’s own concern for the marginalized, displaced, and discriminated against? How will the mystical become flesh-and-blood in life’s rough-and-tumble, here and now, as it so longs to do?

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L. Roger Owens
L. Roger Owens teaches spirituality and ministry at Pittsburgh Theological Seminary and is the author of What We Need Is Here: Practicing the Heart of Christian Spirituality.

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6 thoughts on “A Mysticism for Our Time”

Laura Dodson
September 2, 2017 at 12:07 am
Thank you. I have worked before fall of communism in Russia and since with beautiful human beings suffering from oppression of their country. I have seen them re- find their soul and come “home” to their spirit. Now I am entering old age, though still working to in the south of Thailand with children who have seen their parent killed by drive by shooters, and I am helping Thai’s to work with these people. I am constantly moving between a suffering world and being a mystic in retreat, and aging is moving me toward the quiet inner life……I am so enriched by your writing and happy that it will continue.

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Laura Dodson
September 2, 2017 at 12:18 am
Thank you. I am enriched by your writing and happy it will continue. I know the journey as a long time Quaker working in Soviet countries for years on recovery from oppression and now in South Thailand with children who have seen their parent killed by drive by shooters.

Now I have moved from 57 years in Colorado at Mt. View friends in Denver for many of those years, as I am aging, husband has died and I spend half year with son and his young family in Plummer, MN where he is a minister, struggling with spiritual in the church, and I live in winter in in Austin, TX with my sister where I hope to be with Quakers there. How I miss our community in Denver. Now I am moving from active work in the world to more inner life and body limitations that require more quiet time, writing, and soul time. So, fellow journeyer, I am so glad to renew my connection with Kelly and to connect with your journey. Thank you

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Kathleen B Wilson
October 11, 2017 at 12:05 pm
I am sincerely grateful to Roger Owens for his concise, studied discussion of the mysticism of Thomas Kelly and for the much needed understanding it provides. Highly relevant for these times, his article is indeed cause for rediscovery of Kelly’s spiritual writing.

To that same end, I have written the free online pamphlet Life from the Center: The Message and Life of Quaker Thomas Kelly, available at quakerthomaskelly.org. The pamphlet introduces A Testament of Devotion (TD) and The Eternal Promise (EP) through excerpts from the two books, organized by topic, and through a brief biography.

Since first learning in 2009 of Thomas Kelly (and then finding Friends), I have been caught up nearly every morning in the message Kelly shares and in passing it on. It calls me to the center and endlessly keeps giving.

While reading TD and trying to grasp so much that was new to me, I started copying excerpts verbatim and arranging the sentences in phrases. That arrangement helped me to savor each word and phrase and happened also to highlight the poetic feel of Kelly’s prose. Early on I felt drawn to put on the internet those copied excerpts that later became Life from the Center and to make that introduction accessible and free to anyone, worldwide.

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Rebecca Cole-Turner
February 19, 2018 at 8:55 am
Thanks so much for this, Roger. His phrase, “the divine glory simmering in the midst of sorrow,” will stay with me. . .

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Rebecca Cole-Turner
February 19, 2018 at 8:56 am
Make that “shimmering!” Although “shimmering isn’t bad either!

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Rebecca Cole-Turner
February 19, 2018 at 9:00 am
Somehow autocorrect must be attempting to foil me!

The above should read, “although ‘simmering’ isn’t bad either!”

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