Review Article
The Life and Suffering of Mieko Kamiya: As a Truth-seeker and as a Woman
Nami HONDA
Clinical Psychology, Graduate School of Education, Tohoku University
Psychiatria et Neurologia Japonica 125: 3-13, 2023
Abstract
Mieko Kamiya (1914-1979) was a renowned psychiatrist known for her research in
psychiatry focusing on leprosy and her many publications including "On the Meaning of Life (Ikigai ni Tsuite) "and "A Close Look into Human Beings (Ningen o Mitsumete)".
Blessed with the ability to master many languages, she was proficient in numerous
languages such as French, English, German, Italian, Greek, and Ancient Greek. She assisted her father, Tamon Maeda, who became the Minister of Education after the end of the World War II and even after Tamon's resignation, she continued to work as an interpreter and translator at the General Headquarters of the Allied Forces (GHQ). After marriage and having children, she worked as a language instructor and a member of a university's teaching staff in order to help pay the bills while fulfilling her duties as a wife and a mother. She also translated books on philosophy, medicine, and poetry.
As described above, blessed with diverse and rare talents and skills, Mieko
accomplished great work; however, her life was far from being smooth and
straightforward. According to her writings in "Diary (Nikki)" and letters exchanged with her best friend, Masa Uraguchi, one can see that, although she felt joy and had a sense of gratitude, her life was filled with suffering and conflict. She had a unique sense of duty and a strong desire that could be called an impulse, which she named a "demon". As a woman with a family, a deep conflict also existed within her with regard to her focus on her career. In spite of her burning desire to work for leprosy patients, she did not work long at Nagashima Aiseien Sanatorium as a psychiatrist.
This manuscript describes the life of Mieko Kamiya, focusing on the struggles that she faced as a truth―seeker and also as a woman while empathizing with the vivid words and thoughts that she left behind in "Diary of My Younger Days (Wakaki Hi no Nikki)", "Diary (Nikki)", and the "Collection of Correspondences (Ofuku Shokan Shu)" she had with Masa Uraguchi. Lastly, a discussion about the people who supported her in her life was added. Suffering, leprosy, sense of mission, meaning of life.
Keywords： suffering, leprosy, sense of mission, meaning of life
==
Introduction
Mieko Kamiya (1914-1979) *1 was a
psychiatrist who was well-known for
her psychiatric research into leprosy
and for her many publications,
including: “Ikigai ni tsuite” (On the
Meaning of Life), “Ningen wo
mitsumete” (Gazing at Humanity),
“Henreki” (My Journey), and “Kokoro no
tabi” (Journey of Mind). In addition to
this, she had a command of a number of
languages, including French, English,
German, Italian, Greek, and classical
Greek, and she assisted her father,
Tamon Maeda, who became Minister of
Education after World War II, and even
after Tamon resigned, she continued to
play an active role as an interpreter and
translator for the General
Headquarters (GHQ). After the war, she
married Noburo Kamiya, had two
children, and fulfilled her roles as a wife
and mother, as well as translating the
works of Marcus Aurelius, Michel
Foucault, Gregory G.P. Gilborg, Khalil
Gibran, and others. Mieko's impact on
the advancement of Japanese
psychiatry and her reach within the
broader cultural landscape are
unparalleled.
Even from this brief summary of her
achievements and career, you can see
how Mieko was blessed with rare talent
and ability, and how much work she
accomplished. However, Mieko did not
accomplish this work easily. She had a
strong sense of mission and desire that
could be described as an urge, and as a
woman with a family, she also had
marked conflicts regarding how to
approach her work. This can be seen
from the diaries she left behind that
were published after her death: “Diary
of My Youth”, “Mieko Kamiya Diary”,
and “Mieko Kamiya and Masa Uraguchi
Correspondence Collection”.
Here, through the vivid narrative
mainly written in her diaries, I would
like to outline Mieko's life, and highlight
the suffering she faced throughout it,
especially as a truth-seeker and woman.
I. The Life of Mieko Kamiya
1. From birth to age 18
1) Birth and Family
Mieko was born in Okayama City on
January 12, 1914 as the second child
and eldest daughter of her father,
Tamon Maeda, and mother, Fusako. Her
siblings were an older brother, two
younger sisters, and a younger brother.
Mieko herself said that she had a dark
impression of her childhood, and that
she was a whiny, fussy child.
2) The education that Mieko received
Mieko enrolled in Shimo-Ochiai
Elementary School in 1920 (age 6), and
the following year she was transferred
to the elementary school section of the
Sacred Heart School.21) In 1923 (age 9),
Tamon was appointed as the Japanese
government representative to the
International Labour Organization in
Geneva, and the family moved to
Switzerland with him.21) Mieko was
enrolled in the primary school
associated with the Jean-Jacques
Rousseau Institute, and from the age of
11 she attended the junior high school
division of the International School of
Geneva.21) The fact that she was
educated in French for three and a half
years from the age of nine had a marked
impact on her. She came to feel that
thinking in French was the most
natural thing for her, and this is
thought to have laid the foundations for
her later attitude to learning and spirit
of inquiry.
In 1926 (age 12), her family returned
to Japan, and the following year, Mieko
was transferred to Jiyu Gakuen, but in
September she was transferred to Seijo
Girls' High School.21) At the same time,
she continued to study French at
Athénée Français, and also studied the
Bible at the meetings of her maternal
uncle, Tsuneo Kanazawa, a Christian
missionary of the non-denominational
church. In 1932 (age 18), encouraged by
her older brother, she was enrolled in
the main course at Tsuda Eigaku Juku.
In her second year, on the verge of
graduating, she was asked by the
headmaster what she would do to
contribute to society in the future, and
she was at a loss for an answer,
wondering what kind of path she should
take.7)
2. Encounter with leprosy patients (age
19)
In 1933 (age 19), Mieko visited the
Tamazenshoen Leprosy Sanatorium at
the request of her uncle, Tsuneo, who
asked her to play the organ. “For
someone who knew nothing about the
disease of leprosy, the appearance of the
patients was a great shock. “Even
though we were born in the same world,
there are people who have to suffer from
such a disease…. It was as if my very
existence was shaken".7) After observing
the relationship between a motherly
nurse and patient, she thought: “I want
to work with patients like this! This is
where I belong!”, and she strongly
desired to work as a doctor, but she had
to give up due to her parents' strong
opposition.9)
3. Tuberculosis, convalescence, and the
path to medicine (ages 20-25)
1) Tuberculosis and convalescence
In 1935 (age 21), Mieko graduated
from the main course at Tsuda Eigaku
Juku and went on to study at the
university department, but it was
discovered that she had contracted
pulmonary tuberculosis. She was in a
state of relative calm during her first
recovery period, but when she relapsed,
she begged to go to her parents' villa in
Shinshu by herself.9) Determined to
“read the world's great books in their
original forms”, she immersed herself in
reading while living a regular life as her
doctor had instructed, and read the New
Testament in Greek, Homer, Plato, and
Marcus Aurelius's “Meditations” in
classical Greek.9)
2) Encounter with Marcus Aurelius's
“Meditations”
It was "Meditations" that helped
Mieko, who felt that she had become
“useless” after contracting tuberculosis,
to “discover the basis of the meaning of
life”.13) Mieko says that Aurelius taught
her to think about things cosmically and
to take a detached perspective.13)
3) “Reconstruction experience” and
“Flash of light experience”
Although the exact timing is
unknown, during this period of
recuperation, she experienced what she
later called “reconstruction experience”
and “flash of light experience”. In “A
Japanese Woman's Memoir”, she writes:
“I had been thinking that the only two
options for me were madness or suicide.
Suddenly, a dazzling flash of light like a
bolt of lightning crossed my field of
vision from the upper right diagonal. At
the same time, I was filled with intense
joy from the bottom of my heart, and I
found myself blurting out words of
victory that seemed strange to me”.6)
This seems to be an account of her own
experience.
4) Cure of tuberculosis, moving to the
United States
Fortunately, the tuberculosis was
cured by the artificial pneumothorax
surgery she underwent in 1937 (age 23),
but her doctor told her not to get
married for five years. That same year,
Mieko was awarded a Japanese
Women's Scholarship to the United
States, and she decided to study abroad
in the United States.9)
The following year, her father was appointed as the
director of the Japanese Cultural
Center in New York, so the whole family
moved to the United States, and Mieko,
at the age of 24, enrolled in the
Graduate School of Columbia
University's Department of Greek
Literature.10)
In the United States, at the age of 25,
she spent a brief period of time from
February to June in a Christian Quaker
dormitory called Pendle Hill, at the
suggestion of her mother.10) She met
many people, but the encounter with
her lifelong friend, Masa Uraguchi, was
particularly important.10)
5) Medicine
Around that time, Mieko went to the
World's Fair in New York with her
father and sister. Here is a quote from
Mieko's diary: “We visited the World
Fair in the morning. ... What I was most
attracted to was the Public Health
Medicine and British Social Work
sections. When I went to those places, I
was so absorbed that I didn't move for a
long time. When my father and Toshiko
took turns explaining this to my mother
when we got home, my father suddenly
laughed and said, 'Mieko, you might
become a doctor. You've become
obsessed with medicine too. Maybe it's
fate or something. All right, I've given
up too. As long as I'm alive, I'll support
you, so go ahead'. I was startled. 'What?
Are you serious?' 'Yes, I am'. My father's
face was serious”. 5) (May 13, 1939, age 25)
Six years had passed from the time
she was 19 and longed to work as a
doctor until she received her father's
permission.
4. From medical education to
graduation (ages 25 to 30)
1) While studying medicine
In September 1939 (age 25), Mieko
began studying medicine at Columbia
University's School of Medicine.
10)
Although her family had already
returned to Japan, due to the worsening
situation, the prediction that Japan
would start a war, and the fact that she
was told that she would not be able to
work as a doctor in Japan unless she
obtained a Japanese medical license,
Mieko also returned to Japan in July
1940 (age 26). In 1941 (age 27), Mieko
transferred to the main course at Tokyo
Women's Medical College. While
studying hard, her thoughts about
leprosy were always in the back of her
mind, and in August 1943 (age 29), just
before graduation, she spent 12 days at
the Nagashima Aiseien Sanatorium,
where she received practical training
under the supervision of Director
Kensuke Mitsuda.
11)
2) Entering the world of psychiatry
Mieko decided to pursue a career in
psychiatry after graduating from
university, partly because of her father's
strong opposition to her going to Aiseien,
and partly because she met Toshiki
Shimazaki, the head of the Department
of Psychiatry at Tokyo Imperial
University, and became strongly
attracted to psychiatry.16) When she
visited Tokyo Metropolitan Matsuzawa
Hospital, she wrote: “I thought that the
hardships of the people who work here
are no less than those of people who
work in hospitals....I am attracted to
this point, a path where people are
rarely thanked or admired”.
3)
(December 14, 1943, age 29) However,
as can be seen in the passage: “When I
said that I couldn't make up my mind
about going into psychiatry because I
felt bad about leprosy, Masa laughed at
me and said, ‘You're like someone who's
engaged to a leper’3) (January 5, 1944)”,
her feelings were wavering.
3) On the eve of graduation
One day, on the eve of her graduation,
Mieko was walking down a street in
Shinjuku, Tokyo, almost in tears. “I'm
going to break myself, I'm going to break
myself”, she mumbled to herself, biting
her lips as she felt like crying at any
moment. “The thing that would be
‘broken’ is my ideal. The dream of
becoming a doctor and making a daily
effort to serve others was also
something fleeting when it became a
reality. First of all, I am the one who will
destroy this dream. What good can come
from me, who is too weak in body and
mind, who is ugly?”
5) (July 11 of the same year) Due to the worsening war
situation, Mieko graduated from Tokyo
Women's Medical College in September
of the same year, six months ahead of
schedule, at the top of her class, and
received her medical license.3)
5. As a psychiatrist (from the age of 30)
1) Entering the Department of
Psychiatry at the Faculty of Medicine,
Tokyo Imperial University
On October 10, 1944 (age 30), Mieko
entered the Department of Psychiatry
at the Faculty of Medicine, Tokyo
Imperial University, and began training
as a psychiatrist under Professor
Uchimura Yushi. She wrote: “I never
thought there would be a job that would
fit me so perfectly, without a single flaw,
as this work in psychiatry. I can't help
feeling that I was born to do this”.
3)
(October 18 of the same year) However,
there were days when she wrote: “I have
painfully experienced over the past
couple of days how my careless and
showy personality affects my attitude
towards learning, and I have become
completely anxious. There were also
days when I would reflect on my
situation with painful feelings,
wondering if I had any qualifications to
study or to be a doctor at all”.
3)
(November 19 of the same year)
In the course of her studies in
psychiatry, Mieko also became aware of
her own pathological aspects. She listed
her own depressive and manic states,
writing: “In short, I am schizothymic
(split temperament) + zyklothymic
(manic-depressive personality), so I
should be able to understand most
psychopathologies”3) (January 31, 1945,
age 31), and she later reflected that she
was attracted to Birnbaum's
“Psychopathologie” because it “made my
own pathological [sick] nature clearer
and clearer”.
3) (March 26 of that year)
Mieko also felt that she was constantly
living on the edge of chaos, and was
aware of the threat of chaos, being
attacked by “a sense of doom, as if I
myself were being torn apart and
scattered in all directions”.
3) She was
also aware of the need to “shape
something out of this chaos that would
be acceptable to other people”.
3) (May 15
of the same year) in order to avoid a
mental disorder.
2) In the midst of a worsening war
situation
In March 1945 (at the age of 31), the
war situation was worsening, and war
victims were also being sent to
psychiatric hospitals, where they were
forced to deal with the dying. Amidst
this, Mieko was surprised to see that
“Many doctors were leaving the care of
these patients to just one doctor, and not
even paying attention to them”. “I don't
like doing things that seem like a
doctor's job, or I've already forgotten
about internal medicine and surgery -
how can such excuses be accepted?
Becoming a doctor means forming an
inseparable bond with people who are
suffering, doesn't it?"3) She was
outraged, but also thought: “It was hard
for me to believe that a doctor could be
indifferent to the suffering of others. I
had always thought that the motivation
for becoming a doctor should be to serve
others above all else, without question.
But it wasn't like that at all...What a
stupid idiot I am”.
3) (March 19 of that year)
Later, their house in Higashi-Nakano
was burned down in an air raid, but
Mieko felt that “since Miyagi and Omiya
Palace were also hit, it was only natural
that we were hit too, and I even felt that
it was good that we were hit like
everyone else”.
5) (May 26 of that year)
Although her family had evacuated,
Mieko lived in the psychiatric ward of
the University of Tokyo and worked on
her medical practice and studies.
11)
6. After the war, helping her father
1) End of the war, thoughts on her
father
Immediately after the war ended in
August of the same year, her father
Tamon was appointed Minister of
Education. “The more I thought about
my father's job, the more I felt the
weight of responsibility and wondered if
he would be able to fulfill it even a little.
It may seem presumptuous and funny to
say this, but if you think about the close
relationship between me and my father
from long ago, you will naturally
understand. As when he was the
governor of Niigata Prefecture, I was
the first family member to see my father
after he was appointed to that position.
When I rushed to the Imperial Hotel,
my father said to me: “We're in big
trouble”. At that time, I said to him: “If
you're going to die for this job, isn't that
okay?” I vowed to do everything I could
to help my father.”
4) (September 2-26 of
the same year) This is what she confided
in Masa.
2) Mieko's struggle
Mieko took a break from her work in
the medical office and began work
translating documents for the Ministry
of Education, but she was conflicted. “I
can't help wanting to live by revealing
my true nature. My true nature is
“nonsense”. I don't really know how to
integrate the aesthetisch (esthetic),
religiös (religious), wissenschaftlich
(scientific), and sozial (social) aspects of
myself. Each of these aspects pulls me
in different directions, and I feel like I'll
be torn apart if I'm not careful. They all
have the same power as instincts such
as sexual desire and appetite - or maybe
they are instincts themselves. It is
because I think this that I resonate with
Nietzsche. (omission) I must be the one
who is completely possessed by the
seven demons”.
3) (October 18 of that
year) Mieko referred to these instincts
and impulses as demons or devils.
3)
The following year, in 1946 (age 32),
her father resigned. At the request of
his successor, Minister Abe Yoshishige,
Mieko continued to work as an
interpreter and translator for GHQ and
other organizations. In May, when Abe
resigned, she also resigned and
returned to work at the University of
Tokyo's Department of Psychiatry.
7. Marriage to Noburo Kamiya, childrearing (from age 32)
1) Marriage to Noburo
Mieko was to marry Noburo Kamiya,
a lecturer of the Department of Botany
in the Faculty of Science at Tokyo
Imperial University, and she wrote: “His
love and understanding are pouring
down on me like the spring rain...I feel
that I don't deserve to have such a
spring, and I feel that I don't know what
to do when I think about all the
unhappy people in the world”.
3)
(February 16, 1946, age 32) Despite her
confusion, she continued to deepen her
love for him. They married in July of
that year and rented a four-and-a-half
tatami mat room to live in. She began
working at the medical office three
times a week, and in order to support
her family and help Noburo succeed as
a scholar, she began working part-time
translating Japanese into English.
2) Life of child-rearing and part-time
work
In April 1947 (age 33), their first son
was born. Mieko started working as a
private tutor for English, German, and
French. In 1949 (age 35), when Noburo
was working as a professor at the
Faculty of Science at Osaka University,
their second son was born in December.
In the same year, Mieko translated and
published Marcus Aurelius'
"Meditations". In 1950 (age 36),
Noburo moved to the United States, and
Mieko began teaching French at
Athénée Français while raising their
two children. In 1951 (age 37), Noburo
returned to Japan, Mieko resigned from
the Tokyo University Medical
Department, and the family moved to
Ashiya. Mieko became a part-time
lecturer at Kobe College, but she
continued to suffer, saying: “The devil
was raging at that time, and I don't
know how many times I felt like giving
up on everything”.
5) (October 16, 1951)
3) Entering the Department of
Neurology at Osaka University School
of Medicine
In November of the same year, Mieko
entered the Department of Neurology at
Osaka University School of Medicine as
a research student and resumed her
studies in psychiatry. However, in 1953
(age 39), it was discovered that her
second son, who was three and a half
years old, had contracted miliary
tuberculosis, and in order to buy the
expensive streptomycin, Mieko started
a private French language school.
21) In
1954 (age 40), she became an assistant
professor in the English Department at
Kobe College, but the family finances
were still tight. “When I'm correcting
English every day, I get frustrated and
want to kill myself. Is life about doing
things you don't want to do? How long
do I have to be a language teacher?
Language, you are my curse. If I spend
so much time on such things, I'll never
be able to stand as a psychiatrist ... I
have to live each day wisely and
somehow achieve my goals before I go
too crazy. I must fulfill the psychiatric
work that only I can do”.
5) (August 27 of the same year)
Despite her suffering,
she encouraged herself. Her eldest son
was 7 years old and her second son was
4 years old.
8. Research at Nagashima Aiseien and
writing “On the Meaning of Life” (ages
43-58)
1) Discovering uterine cancer and
turning to psychiatric research
In 1955 (age 41), her mother passed
away. Mieko was diagnosed with earlystage uterine cancer, but this was
successfully treated with radium
irradiation.5) At Noburo's suggestion,
she approached Professor Jiro Kaneko
of the Department of Neurology at
Osaka University and asked for
permission to conduct psychiatric
research on leprosy. In September 1956
(age 42), she visited Nagashima Aiseien
for the first time in 13 years and
conducted the first survey. From April
1957 (age 43), she became a part-time
lecturer at Aiseien, and while carrying
out her medical practice, she spent a
total of 50 days conducting psychiatric
research there by 1958 (age 44).
21)
2) Mieko's sadness
Mieko's feelings were complex, even
though she had longed to practice
medicine and conduct research in
Aiseien. Going to Aiseien*2: “Whenever
I'm about to leave for this trip, I feel sad
at the thought of parting from N, R, and
T*3
, and I get depressed”.
8) (October 30,
1957, age 43) “As the day got closer, it
became harder to leave N and the
children, and I haven't been able to
sleep well for the past few days. I feel
like a heartless villain. I couldn't take
my eyes off the mother with her two
little boys on the train”.
8) (March 28,
1958, age 44) She blamed herself and
was tormented by her pain and grief.
3) Revelation from Van Gogh, and the
writing of “On the Meaning of Life”
While continuing to visit Aiseien once
or twice a month, she wrote her
dissertation: "Psychiatric Studies on
Leprosy”, but when she went to see the
Van Gogh exhibition, Mieko had a
revelation that she should devote
herself to artistic expression and the
rest of her life to that mission.5)
(December 20, 1958) Noburo agreed,
and the content was finalized with the
words: “I want to put together a piece of
writing called ‘On the Imi Feeling’,
including the case of being
pathological”.
5) (November 10, 1959, age
45) After completing her dissertation,
she began writing: “On the Meaning of
Life”.
4) Medical treatment at Nagashima
Aiseien
In 1960 (age 46), after being awarded
a doctorate in medicine from Osaka
University and becoming a professor at
Kobe College24)
, Mieko continued to
provide medical treatment at Aiseien.
“I was able to come out again today.
I'm tired from busy school work, and I'm
always worried about the children and
N. But everyone at home is fine, and
they seem to have accepted my
occasional 'running away' from home as
if it were normal. But my heart is
always torn apart”.
8) (June 10, 1961, age 47)
“Last night, as I was about to say
goodbye to my family, I became
depressed and couldn't even speak”.
8)
(July 24 of the same year) Although her
sadness continued, going to Aiseien was
a path Mieko could not avoid.17)
She also struggled and suffered in
terms of her treatment at Aiseien. “I
would quickly get into a cold bath and
fall asleep immediately. It felt like I had
become a garbage dump for people's
emotions.... Even in places like leprosy
sanatoriums, the majority of people live
their lives by wearing down their
peripheral nerves, just like in the
outside world. Desire, envy, irritation,
hatred - the pain of being obsessed with
oneself and trying to protect oneself at
all costs, the futility of it all. But if you
think about it, isn't that how you are
too?”
8) (July 21, 1960, age 46)
Regarding her interaction with a
patient, she wrote: “The patient said in
a depressed tone, ‘I have no joy left. My
hands and feet are useless, and I'm
completely defeated. I have to bear all
the sins of others as well”, but then
suddenly he said: “But it is a comfort to
have someone listen to my thoughts like
this”, and I was surprised that she had
broken through her previous hardness....
“This time, I was made to think a lot.
Anyway, there is joy in life in resisting
stagnation”.
8) (October 22 of the same
year); as she wrote, there was much to
learn and be aware of.
She sometimes wrote to Masa like
this: "The difficult patients here are
probably beyond your imagination. Last
night I was abused by one person for 20
or 30 minutes. And it was for something
I didn't even do. But I've gradually
gotten used to just smiling and being
quiet. I even fell asleep in the duty room
after that, so I guess my nerves got
pretty strong. I learned a lot here about
how aggressive people can be. I think
they want to vent their anger
somewhere, as an outlet for the
suffering caused by the great
misfortune of leprosy”.
4) (April 29, 1967,age 53).
In 1962 (age 48), her father
Tamon died of stomach cancer.
5) As a psychiatrist
Mieko became a part-time employee
at Aiseien in April 1957 (age 43) as a
result of her interest in psychiatric
research.
21) In 1965 (age 51), she became
the head of the psychiatric department
and continued to work twice a month
from Wednesday to Saturday (Figure).
In 1967 (age 53), she went from being
the chief doctor to working part-time,
and in April 1972 (age 58), she resigned
from Aiseien for health reasons.
8) What
did Mieko think about and what kind of
treatment did she provide as a
psychiatrist during these 15 years?
In
her diary, she wrote: “When I think of
each patient, I feel a sense of
helplessness. It must be a task that
requires more than human effort. I can't
do it. All I can do is look in that
direction”.
8) (May 14, 1961, age 47)
In a book review of Kaga Otohiko's
“Flanders no Fuyu” (Winter in
Flanders), Mieko wrote: “Being a
psychiatrist is a difficult profession that
requires one to constantly face the abyss
that lies at the root of human existence,
unless one becomes completely
insensitive. It is a profession that has
aspects that exceed human capabilities
and aspects for which humans are not
qualified for. Perhaps for this reason,
the more seriously you take your work,
the more you want to escape from it
from time to time”.
15) According to her
colleague Yukihiko Takahashi, Mieko
“would think about what method would
be best for the patient, considering the
patient's thoughts and suffering, even
while examining the patient. She
respected the patient's spiritual
freedom or something like that”.
25)
9. The final years (ages 58 to 65)
In December 1971 (age 57), she had
her first attack of angina pectoris, and
after which she was repeatedly
admitted to and discharged from
hospital for angina pectoris, transient
ischemic attacks, etc.21) Fortunately, she
did not suffer any serious after-effects,
and when she was in a stable condition,
she would devote herself to housework,
reading, and writing manuscripts.
20)
Here is an excerpt from her thoughts in
her later years: “I have no power to heal
even a single one of the many sick
people. I have to leave the rest to God
and live each day as it comes. Even after
I became a doctor, I realized that I didn't
understand anything about people. It
seems that I studied to understand
that”.
5) (October 18, 1972, age 58)
“I feel
that I have finally become free of
everything, having gone to the point of
dementia and paralysis. More than
anything else, I have learned to my
heart's content about my own
limitations”.
5) (December 31, 1974, age 60)
“I want to live each day that remains
to me with care. However, when I have
a headache or a sore leg, my whole being
becomes pain itself. What should I do?”
5)
(June 17, 1978, age 64) It seems that she
entrusted herself to God, reflected on
the past, and lived her life while coming
to terms with her health.
The wife of the second son reported
that in her later years, Mieko talked a
lot, and that she would read materials
related to Virginia Woolf and psychiatry,
exclaiming: "Oh, how interesting!" and
"How mysterious!" Her voice was so
youthful and vibrant that it was
reminiscent of her childhood, when she
was called Mimi.19) According to Noburo,
in the days before her death, she
expressed her gratitude and prayed for
those she left behind on a daily basis.
20)
In 1979, she was hospitalized three
times for transient ischemic attacks, but
on October 22, during her brief visit
home, she suffered an acute heart
attack and died at Okazaki City
Hospital. She was 65 years old.
21)
II. Mieko's Suffering
1. As a truth-seeker
Mieko, who was attracted to
literature and art and who thought
about her inner self and essential things,
was puzzled when her teacher at the
Tsuda School of English asked her what
she would do for society. Shortly after
that, however, she met people with
leprosy in Tamazenshoen, and she
began to long to be a doctor for those
with leprosy. After that, she contracted
tuberculosis, but was cured, and this too
seems to have led to feelings of guilt and
regret at the thought: “Why only me?”,
and she came to long even more to be at
the side of the sick. Mieko became
convinced of her mission and the path
she should follow, saying: “Now is
neither a time to suffer for myself nor a
time to rejoice”.
5) (April 2, 1939, age 25)
“If I were to abandon what I believe to
be my mission for mere convenience, I
would lose respect for myself”.
5)
(December 18 of the same year)
However, she sometimes wavered in her
thoughts, thinking: “I am not Florence
Nightingale or Joan of Arc. If I could, I
would like to be freed from this sense of
duty and live a quiet, ordinary life as a
woman”.
5) (August 27, 1943, age 29)
Mieko's “sense of mission” was, in
part, “to be involved in medicine as a
way of loving people” (April 29, 1944,
age 30), it was a subjective “sense of God
that I feel, a kind of inspiration that I
feel all over my body” that she lived by,
and it was something that came
instinctively.
3) (November 26 of the same year)
Moreover, Mieko was strongly
attracted to various things, and stated:
“how to live with all of these things -
natural scientific objectivity and the
desire to explore, artistic contemplation
and sensuality, moral purity and
restraint, religious immersion and
resignation - is still my problem. I have
a head that is about to burst, about to
explode into a thousand pieces”.
3)
(November 28 of the same year)
She also had a strong desire to not
only be at the side of the sick, but to
express that in some way. She became
more and more attracted to: “A life in
which one observes oneself and others
closely and listens carefully, in which
one engages in a one-on-one battle with
patients - that is, with 'people' and 'life'
- from a human and academic
perspective, in which one devours and
digests the 'essential' and becomes blood
and flesh and writes with that blood and
flesh", "A life of 'on-site', the opposite of
a life that is flashy and ostentatious on
the surface of society, playing with
words and actions that are half-baked",
"A life that is humble and serious, but
also poetic and full of humor and tears",
and "A life that quietly enjoys the
tragedy, poetry and beauty of life,
instead of making big speeches about
trying to change society or the nation”.
3) (October 25, 1945)
She also had a strong desire to work,
and while translating for GHQ after the
war, she wrote: “My desire to work is
aroused by every stimulus. This in turn
raises concerns about married life. No
matter how much you prepare mentally,
who can guarantee that this 'work fiend'
won't destroy family life when the time
comes? I want to write, I want to
research, I want to present my
research... What should I do about this
burning urge?”
5) (January 30, 1946, age 32) and she was at a loss.
As we have seen, one of the internal
problems that caused Mieko's suffering
as a truth-seeker was that she was torn
between various impulses, such as
wanting to be a doctor and be at the side
of the suffering, having a strong desire
for science, art, morality, and religion,
wanting to work, wanting to research,
and wanting to express something. The
other was an external, practical
problem, namely the fact that, after
marriage, she had a long period of
difficulty in following the path she
wanted to take. During the time when
she had a family and was away from
psychiatry, she continued to inspire
herself, as she wrote: “Deep down, my
heart is with the sick and suffering. My
mission will not be complete until I have
fulfilled my work in that world".
2)
(September 24, 1959, age 45) “I am
already 46 years old and have not yet
fully recovered from the effects of the
radium I received during my cancer
treatment.... With the remaining time
and strength I have, I must fulfill my
mission. I cannot die without having
done so. Who can understand this
intense sense of mission? ... There is
something in me that goes beyond my
own understanding”.
2) (May 15, 1960,age 46)
As mentioned above, even after she
was able to attend Aiseien, she still had
to deal with the pain of leaving her
family behind and the difficulties and
suffering of being a psychiatrist that
came with being there for the patients'
pain.
However, it is precisely because she
endured these struggles and conflicts
for so long that she was able to create a
body of work that so richly encompasses
the many impulses and experiences that
Mieko had, especially in her work "On
the Meaning of Life". The same is true
of her other works, and the author
suspects that if Mieko had not
experienced these sufferings, they
would have been completely different
and not read for long.
2. As a woman
Mieko thought that she was “born a
woman and a 'monster' at the same
time”5) (March 2, 1944, age 30), and
“What a tragedy that I was born a
woman and have this personality. What
a fate I have been burdened with”5)
(December 17 of the same year), “For a
woman who is immersed in her work, it
is easy to become grotesque because she
is a woman. I am sometimes horrified by
the adventure I am about to embark
on.”
5) (February 17, 1945, age 31) “I
must say that I am unfortunately a
masculine person. I feel that I am shut
out of normal life, both in terms of
circumstances and in terms of my own
qualities.”
5) (December 9 of the same
year), and she was well aware that she
was different from ordinary women.
She also pointed out that there is a
serious division among creative women,
saying that “motherhood, as it exists in
the biological form of women, is
something that is completely absorbed
by the child in front of them”, and that
it has nothing to do with a high level of
spiritual life”, and that "therefore, if
women want to do spiritual creation, it
may be better to give up motherhood”.
2)
Despite this, Mieko fulfilled her
various roles as a woman - daughter,
younger sister, older sister, wife, and
mother - and achieved creative work. As
a daughter, she strongly supported her
father, Tamon, who was the Minister of
Education after the war, and after her
marriage, she devoted herself to raising
her first son, who was born prematurely,
and her second son, who was seriously
ill, while supporting and wishing
success to her husband, Noburo, as a
scholar. Her love and respect for Noburo,
as well as her happiness as a mother,
must have made her family life very
fulfilling. It is believed that there are
many women who are so busy with the
daily chores of housework and childcare
and working to support themselves that
they lose sight of their own path and
goals and give them up. However, Mieko
never gave up, and despite her suffering,
she chose to walk her own path and live
as a family-minded person. The feelings
of guilt she experienced when visiting
Aiseien and the depression that made it
difficult for her to speak continued
throughout the long period she spent
repeatedly visiting Aiseien, and it
seems that she also continued to suffer
and grieve as a woman, wife, and
mother.
Mieko also thought deeply about the
difficulties women face in creating, and
she wrote about the need for women to
realize that the things that prevent
them from being spiritually
independent and creative are within
themselves.2) This may have enabled
Mieko to devote herself to creative work
and expression, including “On the
Meaning of Life”.
3. What supported Mieko
While working as a psychiatrist,
Mieko became aware of her own
psychopathology.
It is not clear whether she was afraid
of developing a mental illness, but Hisao
Nakai points out that: "even if Mieko
Kamiya was secretly afraid of
developing a mental illness, it is only
natural, and it is even possible to say
that she succeeded where many mental
patients had failed”.24)
When I read this point, I thought of
Mieko's intense desire to express herself,
and the French sculptor Camille
Claudel, as well as Chieko, the wife of
the Japanese sculptor and poet Kotaro
Takamura, came to mind.
It is believed that both struggled to
live in the world of creation and
developed mental illnesses that were
deeply related to the relationship with
their partners and the burdens that
resulted from it.22)23)
According to Nakai, the fact that
Mieko succeeded in her life, which was
full of strong impulses and conflicts,
was like: “running through a narrow
ridge with steep cliffs on both sides”.
24)
Assuming that Mieko was afraid of
developing a mental illness, were there
any factors or protective factors that
prevented her from developing one? One
factor would be the depth of Mieko's
self-understanding and her ability to
cope with many hardships. In addition,
the presence of Mieko's god, her sons
and other family members, Plato,
Marcus Aurelius, Nietzsche, Uraguchi
Masa, and Mitani Takamasa,
14) whom
she called “the only teacher I have ever
met in this world”, would also have
supported her.
Of these, the author believes that the
most important for Mieko was the
presence of Noburo and his
understanding of her. Her second son,
Toru, said at a gathering to
commemorate the 100th anniversary of
Mieko's birth: “My mother was someone
who didn't understand jokes. She
always seems to be smiling in the photos,
but I think she was someone who cried
and got angry quite intensely, and who
had a lot of strong emotions. This is
probably because my father was a very
gentle person, so I felt that even more
strongly”.
1) It is believed that Noburo's
stable and gentle personality and
attitude, as well as his deep
understanding of Mieko and his support
and assistance in achieving her goals,
protected and supported her.
There is a particularly memorable
letter she wrote to Masa: “The other day,
when I was absorbed in writing my
paper, even though my husband and
children came into my room from time
to time, I just turned around and said
‘What?’, not knowing what to say, and I
was so confused that it was as if I had
met a foreigner, and I couldn't even say
a single word. (This is something I can't
really talk about with other people, but
strangely enough, my husband said I
was “divine” (?!), and the children are
very worried about whether my paper is
going well. This is something I really
feel is a waste, and I feel full of gratitude,
and I want to at least repay everyone
and make amends when I'm back in the
real world and have regained my
senses)”.
4) (April 7, 1965, age 51)
This is
thought to be an episode that shows the
respect Noburo had for Mieko, to the
point where he thought she was “divine”.
Mieko also wrote, "N went to Tokyo
yesterday. Even though we're close - or
maybe because we're close - when I'm
away from him, I really slow down, both
in terms of time and emotion”.
2) It seems
that a not too close marital relationship
has also helped to stabilize Mieko.
After Mieko's death, Noburo wrote:
“Whenever the day of her departure for
Aiseien approached, she became sad
and depressed. The cause of her sadness
was probably that she felt she was a
‘heartless mother’ and a ‘bad wife’ for
leaving her children and husband
behind. On the other hand, an inner
‘voice’ - or perhaps it would be better to
call it a ‘demon’- told her to go to Aiseien.
What a contradiction! Her mind, which
was trying to reconcile two things that
were difficult to reconcile, was also a
mass of contradictions, as she well
understood. Depending on how you look
at it, it could even be called tragic....
Once she left home, she was no longer a
wife or a mother, but a truth-seeker,
Mieko Kamiya”.
20) It seems to the
author that Noburo supported Mieko
through her tragedy and suffering, and
that he himself achieved the great feat
of remaining a husband of a truthseeker.
Conclusion
This paper has discussed Mieko
Kamiya's life, focusing on her thoughts
and narratives in her diaries, and has
considered her struggles as a truthseeker and woman, and finally I have
described what supported Mieko.
Although Mieko's many achievements
were the result of her talent and hard
work, the author feels that these
achievements shine even brighter
because she faced many difficulties,
continued to struggle with her inner
conflicts, and suffered herself while
standing by the side of the sick and
suffering. I sincerely hope that this
paper will serve as an opportunity to
remember Mieko and her writings, and
that they will be re-examined and
continued to be used in modern
psychiatry and for the benefit of the sick.
Editor’s note: This is a review article
based on the educational lecture at the
117th Annual Meeting of the Japanese
Society of Psychiatry and Neurology.
There is no conflict of interest to
disclose in relation to this article.
Acknowledgements: I would like to
express my sincere gratitude to Mr.
Toru Kamiya and his wife, Nagako, for
their understanding of the educational
lecture at the 117th Annual Meeting of
the Japanese Society of Psychiatry and
Neurology and this article, and for
allowing us to use her precious
photograph.
===
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Notes
*1. In order to focus on Mieko's story,
the expression “Mieko” is used, and the
word “rai (leprosy)” is used in part due
to the social situation at the time.
*2. Nagashima Aiseien
*3. Noburo, Ritsu (the eldest son), and
Toru (the second son)
Figure: At Nagashima Aiseien (February 1966)
(Adapted from Reference 18)
==
==
