A Woman with Demons: The Life of Kamiya Mieko : Ota, Yuzo

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A Woman with Demons: The Life of Kamiya Mieko Annotated Edition, Kindle Edition
by Yuzo Ota (Author) Format: Kindle Edition

Few English biographies about Japanese subjects provide such an intimate look into the subject's inner life.

About this book

Kamiya Mieko, the Japanese writer, psychiatrist, professor, and mystic, was a far more complex and intriguing figure than her popular image as a philanthropic doctor for leprosy patients suggests. A Woman with Demons corrects the myths about Kamiya's life through a close reading of her major work, What Makes Our Life Worth Living (1966), her other publications and her unpublished writings in four languages. In the first biography of Kamiya in English, Yuzo Ota focuses on her journey of self-discovery and her struggle to recover from the loss of a sense of meaning in life caused by the death of her first love. Ota explores how this traumatic event led to her identification with leprosy patients and created her desire to work for them.

Author / Editor information

Ota Yuzo :

Yuzo Ota is professor of history, McGill University, and the author of numerous books including 

Basil Hall Chamberlain: Portrait of a Japanologist.

Topics

General Interest

Table of contents

Contents

Publicly Available  v

Acknowledgments

Publicly Available  vii

A Note on Names and Documentation

Publicly Available  ix

Introduction

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Introduction

Kamiya Mieko,1 whose life spanned the period between  and , is remembered in Japan for her work in several different fields. Among other things, she was a doctor who treated psychiatric patients among leprosy victims; an author of books, such as Ikigai ni tsuite (What Makes Our Life Worth Living),2 dealing largely with existential questions; a translator from the original of Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations and some of Michel Foucault’s books; and a teacher who taught at several institutions in Japan, including Tsuda College, her alma mater, and left a lasting impression on her students. 

In a letter written in , Kamiya told a friend that 

What Makes Our Life Worth Living, published in , was then in its twenty-second edition.3 Most of her writings are still readily available. Her collected works in thirteen volumes published by the reputable Tokyo firm Misuzu Shobō between  and 4 are still in print and continue to find many readers. Not only does she remain popular as an author but people of the highest intellectual calibre in Japan acknowledge her greatness. “She was a saint,”5 writes a leading intellectual of present-day Japan. Until a few years ago, however, despite the continued popularity of her writings, there were few studies of Kamiya Mieko. Now that is changing. Beginning in  with Ejiri Mihoko’s biography, four books on Kamiya have been published in Japan in quick succession.6 She has also been the subject of a few television documentaries in the last few years, raising her profile even further in Japan.7

Kamiya, however, has no profile outside Japan. Having published two English-language articles in an international journal of psychiatry,8 she may be known to some specialists in the field outside Japan. But among the general public she is completely unknown. Even among Japan specialists, very few seem to know who she was. The biggest reason for this must be the language barrier. Although Kamiya had a remarkable knowledge of European languages, most of her publications with a few exceptions were in Japanese and the main stage of her activities after her student days was Japan. I believe that Kamiya deserves to be better known. To be sure, her intellectual achievement was severely curtailed by the fact that she was a housewife with relatively little free time during what were potentially her most creative years. But this only makes her life story more dramatic and interesting. Her life was in some ways as remarkable as that of Simone Weil (–) with whom she had certain traits in common – an interest in Plato and other classical Greek authors, a wide-ranging intellectual embrace of natural sciences and humanities, strong identification with human suffering, mysticism, a passionate love of music, especially that of Bach – though they were very different in other respects.9

In this biography, I hope to present Kamiya and her life in a way that is substantially different from other interpretations. To begin with, I would like to avoid hagiography. Kamiya’s life was a beautiful one, but I do not think that it was internally simple. Kamiya herself was keenly aware of the complexity of her personality with its many contradictory impulses. “A person possessed with seven demons – that truly is me,”10 she once wrote in her posthumously published diary. And later: “No matter whom I meet, I have an uneasy sense as if I were deliberately hiding something of my life from that person. That is because I behave as an ordinary housewife or, at most, only as ‘a housewife with a linguistic talent.’ What a complex, terrifying [osoroshii] person I am really. Very few people know this, however.”11 Previous biographers of Kamiya have not done justice to this remarkable complexity.

Kamiya’s life has usually been told with a focus on what appeared to be her philanthropic side. Thus, the realization of her youthful desire to work for leprosy patients despite the many obstacles she had to overcome – among them opposition from her father and her illnesses, including tuberculosis and cancer – was selected as the centrepiece of her life story. Clearly, this was a very important part of her life. But apart from the question of her real motive in working with leprosy patients (I will deal with this question later), I wonder whether it was the main plot. I wonder whether the central theme of her life was not rather her groping towards the discovery and fulfilment of her real mission in life as a writer. A friend once remarked to Kamiya, “You must be at a loss what to do when you get up in the morning, so many things you would like to do, and could do well.”12 As Kamiya was talented in so many ways, her search for her real mission lasted a very long time. 

In the notebook that I call Toba Mitsuko Notebook after the pen name a youthful Kamiya wrote on the cover and in which she listed largely autobiographical topics for her future writings, she says in the entry for  

January , 

I must not die before writing on the topics listed in this notebook. Even to the detriment of all other works, I should not fail to write on these topics. For, only this is what is unique to me. Other people besides myself can engage in medical research and practice. Obviously, other people can also teach languages and  do translation. Other people can also replace me in the work of helping N [Kamiya Noburō, her husband] in his research  (though the true significance of my helping him, of course, lies elsewhere). Other people can also discharge the duties of a mother besides me. However, nobody else has a personality structure like mine, has had experiences like mine, and has felt and thought as I have. To give expression to them in writing can be done by nobody else but me. Oh, God, if this is truly my mission, please give me the will and power to accomplish it. Please keep me alive until I complete this work.

By the time she wrote these words in January , she had come to feel that to leave behind her writings that expressed what she felt and thought was more important than anything else. 

Kamiya’s conviction that her true mission lay in writing remained with her to the end of her life. She often reiterated the intention and prayer that she had committed to her diary in January . In the same notebook, for example, on  July , she wrote: “As I prepare statistical tables for my dissertation, I again, in fact many many times, repeat the vow mentioned above from the very bottom of my heart.” The vow, of course, was the vow to complete her writings on the topics listed in the notebook before her death. Although circumstances prevented her from engaging in literary work in earnest until quite late in her life, she finally managed to publish What Makes Our Life Worth Living in . It was her first book, if we disregard her translations, and it was a major step towards fulfilling her mission. Almost to the last moment of her life, she strove to give expression to her intensely lived experiences and thoughts. The final part of the manuscript of Kamiya’s autobiography Henreki (Wanderings) was not sent to the Misuzu Shobō, her publisher, until  October , a week before her death.13 By completing the autobiography, however, Kamiya seems to have fulfilled her vow more or less.14

Another area in which I would like to offer a new insight concerns the motivation for Kamiya’s work with leprosy patients. Many people interpreted this as a sheer philanthropy on her part. In their view Kamiya was a fortunate and gifted person from a good family whose life left little to be desired and who was struck by the misery of people far less fortunate than herself – somewhat like Albert Schweitzer, who had started working with people afflicted with disease, including lepers, in the Congo before she was born. Against this view – that it was out of compassion or pity that she decided to work for leprosy patients – I would like to suggest, following Mr Tsurumi Shunsuke,15 that Kamiya had been in despair about her life around the time she conceived the idea of working with leprosy patients, due to the death of a young man whom she loved. In my view, the farreaching and long-lasting impact of this loss upon Kamiya is a crucial key to understanding her life.

In fact, Kamiya’s most important work, What Makes Our Life Worth Living, cannot be understood properly unless one realizes that the author had once lost sight of what made her life worth living. In chapter , titled “What Destroys Our Sense That Life is Worth Living,” Kamiya quotes from “the writing of a girl who lost through death the young man with whom she had intended to share the future”: “With a sudden, tremendous bang, the earth around my feet collapsed and the heavy sky fell into it. 

Unwittingly I covered my face with my hands and helplessly crouched in the middle of a road. I had a sensation of an endless fall into a dark abyss. He is gone, and with that I have lost the life which I had been living until his death. My life will never never return to what it had been. From now on, how and for what can I live?”16

This girl was Kamiya herself, although she never avowed it openly. The young man named Nomura Kazuhiko whom Kamiya loved died on  January , and she learned of his death the following day. Thus in her shuki (see the note on names and documentation, above) for  January , she writes: “The sensation, which I had five years ago today, that both the heaven and the earth were collapsing, has recurred many times today to wring my heart.” And again on  January : “The sensation as if everything collapses which I had when I learned of his death – it is like my life itself.”

The knowledge of the crushing impact that Nomura Kazuhiko’s death had upon Kamiya enables us to see What Makes Our Life Worth Living as an intensely personal book despite the surface appearance of scholarly detachment and objectivity created by the long list of books and articles Kamiya cited and the absence of overt references to her own experience.

In chapter , “Discovery of a New Meaning of Life,” Kamiya discusses various processes by which a lost sense of meaning in life can be replaced. One of the processes she mentions is “henkei” (transformation) and she writes as follows: “The most common type of transformation is transformation of love towards a particular person into love towards a larger number of people.” Then she quotes the following lines from “Shunjitsu kyōsō” (“Crazy Thoughts on a Spring Day”) of Nakahara Chūya (– ), one of the most important Japanese poets of the twentieth century:

Because your loved one died, 

Because that person is really dead,

Because nothing can alter that fact,

For the sake of that person, for the sake of that person,

You must decide to serve others,

You must decide to serve others.17

Kamiya must have felt as if the poet was talking about her; her desire to serve leprosy patients was born in the spring of  only a few months after Nomura Kazuhiko’s death, as we shall see in chapter . The preceding lines of the poem, which Kamiya did not quote, must have struck her even more as an expression of her own feeling.

When your loved one died, You must commit suicide.

When your loved one died, 

There is no other way out but that.

However, if your karma (?) [sic] is too bad

And if you find yourself still alive, You must decide to serve others.

You must decide to serve others.

That Kamiya was often tempted by the idea of suicide after the death of Nomura Kazuhiko is reflected in her poem “A Haunted Pool” (“Ma no fuchi”),18 dated  April , less than three months after the death of Nomura Kazuhiko. The story told by this poem is as follows: the narrator “I” is tempted by a voice coming from the deep pool near her school to drown herself. The idea of death is quite tempting to her with her “broken heart” but the spell cast by the voice is broken by the school bell and she runs back to school without committing suicide. Her suicidal inclination after Nomura Kazuhiko’s death is overtly expressed in her letter of  December 19 to his parents, Nomura Kodō, a famous popular writer and music critic, and Nomura Hana: “Let me thank you most heartily once again for all your love which you have shown towards me. It is entirely thanks to you both that I have managed to refrain from committing suicide.” 

Kamiya’s life was characterized by her long struggle to recover from the loss of Nomura Kazuhiko and to make some sense of that loss. However, this crucial aspect of her life has been virtually ignored – not deliberately but because in those of her writings that have been published so far, Kamiya never mentions the loss of Nomura Kazuhiko directly. The few allusions to his death are too oblique to be recognized. Probably the least oblique among them is the following passage, which Kamiya wrote more than twenty-five years after his death: “I had to confront Death quite early. I collided with it headlong. Death came as my destiny, as something which stood in front of me blocking my way. That shock was too fatal. After that, other deaths, even the death of persons closest to me, in comparison, could no longer rouse within me emotions of the same intensity. It was perhaps a kind of immunity. I have come to live as if I were always looking at Death face to face.”20 This published passage, which numerous people must have read, points to Kamiya’s own understanding of her life as one that in a sense began with a terrible loss that had a lasting effect upon her. This isolated passage, however, was not enough to call people’s attention to the importance of this early loss and so far nobody except myself has tried to interpret her life in that light.21

The absence of overt references in Kamiya’s published works to the death of Nomura Kazuhiko or to her relationship with him should not be attributed to a desire to keep these events secret. From the topics listed in the Toba Mitsuko Notebook we know that Kamiya had intended to deal with her relationship with him in a few works, especially one entitled “Hatsushimo” (“First Frost”). That she did not mean to guard her relationship with Kazuhiko as a secret can be seen from the following quotation from her shuki of  December :

When we come to think of it, a fairly large number of writers, especially Tōson [Shimazaki Tōson –, a writer whom Kamiya regarded very highly], used their own personal materials for their writings to the extent that we might be justified to say that they wrote autobiographic works from the beginning to the end. Accordingly, there is no reason for me to hesitate to write on my own experiences. What matters is to produce a work which penetrates to the essence of things through my own experiences. As I gained this conviction, I started writing “Hatsushimo.”

Kamiya Mieko’s collected works in thirteen volumes is a considerable achievement judged by ordinary standards. However,  Kamiya, one of the most remarkable women of twentieth-century Japan, is not really a person to be judged by ordinary standards. What she actually achieved as an author may appear to be relatively meagre considering her extraordinary talent. In my opinion, the most interesting volume of all is The Diary of Younger Days (Wakaki hi no nikki), which prints a large proportion of her diary from the middle of April  to the end of . Kamiya kept her diary without any thought of publishing it in future. If we remember that two more volumes of her collected works are devoted to her diary and correspondence, the quantity of her writings for publication seems relatively modest. ualitatively as well, they do not quite come up to the standards that one would expect of a person of such dazzling talents as revealed in her Diary of Younger Days. The discrepancy between Kamiya’s early promise and her actual achievement is related to the fact that in the Japan of her time a woman could not fulfil an intellectual vocation as easily as her male counterpart, especially if she decided to marry. Household chores were shouldered almost exclusively by women, and there were not yet washing machines and other electric appliances to lighten the burden of housework. Even when Kamiya was an unmarried woman with far more free time than she had after her marriage, she was painfully aware of the disadvantage of being a woman with intellectual aspirations, as she wrote in her diary: “Life demands a huge price from a woman – almost her entire existence – in the form of everyday life. Even in my present mode of  life, I have to spend a much greater amount of time and energy than a man for the sake of everyday life – not in an abstract manner as is the case with a man but in a really concrete, urgent manner to provide daily food and clothes for the household.”22

After her marriage, the obstacles to fulfilment of her intellectual vocation multiplied many times, especially since Kamiya wholeheartedly wanted to be a good wife and mother. The perceived discrepancy between her promise and her achievement may be one reason why her death at the age of sixty-five was thought by some to have been premature.23 In my view, however, if we take into account not only her writings but also her life as a whole, the impression of a premature death vanishes. Her life with all the possibilities that remained largely unrealized until the end would appear like a beautiful work of art worthy of our admiration and contemplation.

 In this book I shall try to convey my understanding of Kamiya Mieko and her life as a whole. However, I concentrate heavily  on the period before her marriage, which occurred in , roughly in the middle of her life. I devote only two short chapters to the second half of her life after marriage. Since many of Kamiya’s close relatives and friends are alive, I have to balance the demand, imposed upon me as her biographer, to draw her portrait as truthfully as possible, with the need to protect the privacy of people, especially her close relatives, who figure in the unpublished part of the Kamiya Mieko Papers, which I was allowed to examine. As a pragmatic solution, I decided to make Kamiya’s marriage in  the dividing line. For the period before that, I have used pertinent unpublished materials from the Kamiya Mieko Papers to narrate the story of her life. For the periods after her marriage, I have refrained from quoting directly from any of Kamiya Mieko’s unpublished writings with the exception of a few quotations that contain nothing that might infringe upon the privacy of other people. I have tried to reconstruct her life path almost exclusively on the basis of the materials already published in her collected works. This method naturally diminishes the value of this book as a regular biography. However, to write a regular biography of Kamiya Mieko was not necessarily my aim. My main interest has been to elucidate the history of her inner rather than her external life. I hope that the reader will get a clear impression of this remarkable Japanese woman from my book. 

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Publicly Available  xi

The Child of Very Different Parents: Family Background and Early Childhood, 1914–1923

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 Requires Authentication 3

Birth of a Little Cosmopolitan: The Swiss Days, 1923–1926

 Requires Authentication 17

“La jeunesse riche et vivante”: Readjustment to Japan and Student Life at Seijō Higher Girls' School and Tsuda College

 Requires Authentication 38

Love with Nomura Kazuhiko and the Lasting Impact of His Death

 Requires Authentication 51

Progress towards the Affirmation of Life: The American Days, 1938–1940

 Requires Authentication 84

A Medical Student in Japan, 1941–1944

 Requires Authentication 129

An Unmarried Female Psychiatrist at Tokyo University Hospital, 1944–1946

 Requires Authentication 166

Kamiya Mieko in her Later Years

 Requires Authentication 204

By Way of a Conclusion: A Happy Ending

 Requires Authentication 217

Notes

 Requires Authentication 223

Index

 Requires Authentication 253

Bibliographic data

Bibliographic data

Publishing information

Pages and Images/Illustrations in book

eBook published on:

February 22, 2006

eBook ISBN:

9780773559981

Main content:

288

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A Woman With Demons: The Life of Kamiya Mieko (1914-1979) (review)

Janice Matsumura

Bulletin of the History of Medicine

Volume 82, Number 1, Spring 2008

Yuzo Ota . A Woman With Demons: The Life of Kamiya Mieko (1914-1979). Montreal: McGill-Queen's University Press, 2006. xxiv + 261 pp. 

The subject of television documentaries and at least four biographies since the 1990s, Kamiya Mieko continues to win admirers in Japan as a homegrown version of Albert Schweitzer. As a psychiatrist—a member of a profession that in Japan received less government support than did medical specialties dealing with infectious diseases—she drew attention to the psychological dimension of somatic disorders by examining the impact of social isolation on leprosy patients. Gaining renown as the author of a 1966 existential treatise, What Makes Our Life Worth Living (Ikigai ni tsuite), she helped to increase public sympathy for individuals suffering from stigmatizing ailments.

In this first English-language study of Kamiya, Yuzo Ota nevertheless criticizes the hagiographic quality of earlier accounts that focus on the obstacles that Kamiya had to overcome, such as family opposition and struggles with tuberculosis and cancer, in order to devote herself to leprosy patients. Through an examination of unpublished material preserved by Kamiya's husband and a rereading of her published works, Ota demonstrates how such views cover up the complexity of her personality. Rejecting the saintly image that others imposed on her, she described herself as a "person possessed with seven demons" whose "complex, terrifying [osoroshii]" qualities were undetected by the majority of people who knew her (p. xiii).

Ota delves into Kamiya's family background, discussing the marital discord between her parents, and notes how Kamiya, as a psychiatrist, later concluded that she had inherited both parents' conflicting extrovert and introvert characters. The daughter of a diplomat posted in Switzerland, she attended an elementary school headed by the psychologist Jean Piaget. As the eldest daughter, she cared for her siblings when her mother remained abroad and began reading works on child psychology in order to fulfill this responsibility. 

According to Ota, the death of her first love, Nomura Kazuhiko, in 1934 marked the turning point in Kamiya's life, propelling her into a long-lasting search for personal meaning and sparking her interest in working in leprosaria. However, he overturns the view that she was unwavering in her commitment to such work by revealing her doubts about pursuing a medical career. Moreover, he shows how a desire to understand herself better led her to specialize instead in psychiatry, the study of which led her to believe that she was not a "normal" person. It was only after her marriage in 1946 that Kamiya began to seriously examine conditions among leprosy patients.

Ota devotes only the last two short chapters to the post-1946 period, the time when Kamiya became more productive as a psychiatrist. He explains that this focus was determined by his respect for the privacy of relatives and friends who are still alive, and also by his wish to produce, not a "regular" biography of Kamiya, but "the history of her inner rather than her external life" (pp. xxiii–xxiv). However, in order to assess his subject's inner feelings, he occasionally has to rely on the products of her external life, her medical writings of the 1960s. For example, he [End Page 236] uses a psychological assessment of a leprosy patient that Kamiya made decades later to establish a case for her sense of identification with such individuals in the period immediately following Nomura's death in 1934. While one wishes that Ota had extended his analysis to include more of Kamiya's psychiatric studies, a subject more appealing to historians of medicine, his book should attract the attention of those interested in the topic of female professionals in Japan, and it may become a launching pad for future examinations of Kamiya.

Janice Matsumura

Simon Fraser University

Copyright © 2008 The Johns Hopkins University Press

...                 

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It is highly likely that the English biography, A Woman With Demons: The Life of Kamiya Mieko (1914-1979) by Yuzo Ota, mentions Kamiya Mieko's Quaker ties, even though the provided review snippet does not explicitly use the word "Quaker."

Here is a breakdown of why this is the case, and how the review alludes to her Quaker connection:

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Analysis of the Biography Review and Quaker Context

1. The Context of Kamiya's Family and Beliefs

The review mentions key details about Kamiya Mieko's background and intellectual environment that are intrinsically linked to the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers):

• Family Background: The previous search confirmed that Kamiya was the daughter of Tamon Maeda (前田多門) and was raised in an environment steeped in Quaker spirit. Maeda was a highly prominent, confirmed Quaker who became the post-war Minister of Education. Ota's biography must delve into this "family background," making the Quaker connection virtually unavoidable.

• The "Inner Life" Focus: The reviewer notes that Ota aimed to write the "history of her inner rather than her external life." Quakerism is fundamentally an "inner light" religion that emphasizes personal, spiritual reflection. It is illogical to write a detailed history of Kamiya's "inner life" without addressing her adherence to the Quaker faith, which drove her pacifism, egalitarianism, and commitment to social service.

• The "Albert Schweitzer" Parallel: The review mentions Kamiya is admired as a "homegrown version of Albert Schweitzer." Schweitzer was a missionary, physician, and philosopher whose work was rooted in ethical idealism and service—principles that align perfectly with the Quaker Testimony of Service and Peace.

2. The Link to 'Ikigai' and Ethical Foundation

The review highlights her renown as the author of the existential treatise, What Makes Our Life Worth Living (Ikigai ni tsuite).

• As established previously, Kamiya's "Ikigai-ron" (生きがい論), or philosophy of meaning in life, was born from her spiritual and intellectual journey, including her time at the Quaker study center Pendle Hill in the United States. Her focus on "mission" (使命感), "meaning and value," and her tireless dedication to the marginalized are direct practical applications of the Quaker Testimony of Equality and Service. It's highly probable that Ota discusses this foundational link when analyzing the origins of her treatise.

3. Missing Detail in the Review

The reviewer, Janice Matsumura, is a historian of medicine and may have prioritized other aspects of the biography:

• The review explicitly states the author focuses on the more appealing subject of Kamiya's psychiatric studies and female professionals in Japan, which are areas more relevant to the Bulletin of the History of Medicine.

• The omission of the word "Quaker" in the review is likely due to the reviewer's specific focus, not the biography's content. A comprehensive biography of Mieko Kamiya, especially one that "delves into Kamiya's family background," is almost certain to include the fact that her father was a prominent Quaker and that she herself studied at Quaker institutions and adhered to the faith.

Can you provide a summary of the English biography by Ota in 1,000 words.

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Yuzo Ota’s A Woman With Demons: The Life of Kamiya Mieko (1914-1979) is the first English-language biography of the renowned Japanese psychiatrist, writer, and public intellectual, Kamiya Mieko. The book fundamentally re-examines Kamiya's life, challenging the popular, "hagiographic" (saintly) accounts in Japan to present a complex figure driven by immense intellectual struggle and personal suffering.

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Central Thesis: The Complexity of the 'Saint'

Ota’s main goal is to overturn the image of Kamiya as a flawless humanitarian—a "homegrown version of Albert Schweitzer." Instead, he presents a deeply conflicted individual who rejected this saintly image, describing herself as a "person possessed with seven demons" and possessing "terrifying" qualities unseen by most. Ota argues that her professional mission was a direct consequence of her inner psychological trauma.

I. Early Life, Trauma, and Inner Conflict (1914–1938)

The biography focuses heavily on Kamiya’s formative years and the establishment of her inner conflicts:

• International Childhood: Kamiya was the daughter of Tamon Maeda (a prominent diplomat and future Quaker leader/Minister of Education). Her early childhood was unconventional and cosmopolitan, including time spent in Geneva, Switzerland, where she attended an elementary school headed by psychologist Jean Piaget, becoming fluent in French.

• Family Discord: Ota delves into the marital discord between her parents, a conflict which Kamiya, as a psychiatrist, later concluded she had inherited, manifesting as conflicting extrovert and introvert characters in herself.

• The Turning Point: The crucial, life-altering event was the death of her first love, Nomura Kazuhiko, in 1934. Ota argues this loss propelled her into a long-lasting and intense search for personal meaning and existential purpose. It was this search, rather than a singular vocational calling, that initially sparked her interest in leprosaria.

• Early Illness and Doubt: Kamiya herself struggled with severe illness, contracting pulmonary tuberculosis at age 21. Her self-identification with the marginalized began here, leading her to feel "useless." She wrestled with persistent doubts about pursuing a medical career, and her quest for self-understanding ultimately led her to specialize in psychiatry, concluding that she was not a "normal" person.

II. Post-War Struggle and Professional Commitment (1940s–1950s)

The biography details the immense challenges Kamiya faced balancing her inner drive with external expectations during the turbulent post-war period:

• Academic and Wartime Work: She completed her medical degree in 1944 and entered psychiatry at the University of Tokyo. She assisted her Quaker father, Tamon Maeda, and served as an interpreter/translator at the General Headquarters (GHQ) of the Allied Forces.

• Wife and Mother Role: After marrying Kamiya Noburō in 1946 and having children, she assumed the traditional Japanese roles of wife and mother. For over a decade, she shouldered the majority of household duties, teaching foreign languages and correcting her husband's academic papers to help support the family. Ota uses her diary entries (her most intimate writings) to reveal her profound frustration at the time constraints preventing her from pursuing her deepest sources of ikigai (meaning).

• The Mission to Leprosy Patients: It was only after her marriage that she seriously returned to the idea of her clinical work. In the late 1950s, she began her seminal research, undertaking psychiatric studies and surveys of patients at the Nagashima Aiseien Sanatorium. Her work drew attention to the psychological impact of social isolation on leprosy patients, challenging the sole focus on infectious disease. She found that existential suffering was caused by a sense of meaninglessness—a problem she concluded was universal, merely expressed uniquely by the patients.

III. The Legacy and Philosophical Conclusion

• The Magnum Opus: Her clinical and personal struggles culminated in her 1966 existential treatise, Ikigai ni tsuite (What Makes Our Life Worth Living), which codified her philosophy of life and purpose, and brought her public renown.

• Focus on the Inner Life: Ota deliberately devotes only the last two short chapters to the post-1946 period, the time of her greatest public productivity. This focus respects the privacy of her still-living relatives and fulfills Ota's core mission to provide "the history of her inner rather than her external life." The biography uses her private writings and medical assessments to establish a case for her profound sense of identification with the suffering of the marginalized.

• Final Assessment: By chronicling Kamiya's turbulent personal battles, Ota demonstrates that her extraordinary capacity for empathy and her relentless commitment to service and truth were not inherent "saintly" qualities, but hard-won victories forged through suffering, self-doubt, and the struggle against her own "demons." Ota ultimately concludes that through her integrity and persistence, Kamiya achieved a happy end to her life.

You can learn more about Kamiya Mieko's enduring legacy in Japanese thought and psychology in this video: The Life and Legacy of Mieko Kamiya with Kei Tsuda.

The Life and Legacy of Mieko Kamiya with Kei Tsuda - YouTube

IkigaiTribe · 24 views

==

Review Article

The Life and Suffering of Mieko Kamiya: As a Truth-seeker and as a Woman

Nami HONDA

Clinical Psychology, Graduate School of Education, Tohoku University

Psychiatria et Neurologia Japonica 125: 3-13, 2023

Abstract

Mieko Kamiya (1914-1979) was a renowned psychiatrist known for her research in

psychiatry focusing on leprosy and her many publications including "On the Meaning of

Life (Ikigai ni Tsuite) "and "A Close Look into Human Beings (Ningen o Mitsumete)".

Blessed with the ability to master many languages, she was proficient in numerous

languages such as French, English, German, Italian, Greek, and Ancient Greek. She

assisted her father, Tamon Maeda, who became the Minister of Education after the end

of the World War II and even after Tamon's resignation, she continued to work as an

interpreter and translator at the General Headquarters of the Allied Forces (GHQ). After

marriage and having children, she worked as a language instructor and a member of a

university's teaching staff in order to help pay the bills while fulfilling her duties as a wife

and a mother. She also translated books on philosophy, medicine, and poetry.

As described above, blessed with diverse and rare talents and skills, Mieko

accomplished great work; however, her life was far from being smooth and

straightforward. According to her writings in "Diary (Nikki)" and letters exchanged with

her best friend, Masa Uraguchi, one can see that, although she felt joy and had a sense

of gratitude, her life was filled with suffering and conflict. She had a unique sense of duty

and a strong desire that could be called an impulse, which she named a "demon". As a

woman with a family, a deep conflict also existed within her with regard to her focus on 

her career. In spite of her burning desire to work for leprosy patients, she did not work

long at Nagashima Aiseien Sanatorium as a psychiatrist.

This manuscript describes the life of Mieko Kamiya, focusing on the struggles that she

faced as a truth―seeker and also as a woman while empathizing with the vivid words

and thoughts that she left behind in "Diary of My Younger Days (Wakaki Hi no Nikki)",

"Diary (Nikki)", and the "Collection of Correspondences (Ofuku Shokan Shu)" she had

with Masa Uraguchi. Lastly, a discussion about the people who supported her in her life

was added. Suffering, leprosy, sense of mission, meaning of life.

Keywords： suffering, leprosy, sense of mission, meaning of life

==

Introduction

Mieko Kamiya (1914-1979) *1 was a

psychiatrist who was well-known for

her psychiatric research into leprosy

and for her many publications,

including: “Ikigai ni tsuite” (On the

Meaning of Life), “Ningen wo

mitsumete” (Gazing at Humanity),

“Henreki” (My Journey), and “Kokoro no

tabi” (Journey of Mind). In addition to

this, she had a command of a number of

languages, including French, English,

German, Italian, Greek, and classical

Greek, and she assisted her father,

Tamon Maeda, who became Minister of

Education after World War II, and even

after Tamon resigned, she continued to

play an active role as an interpreter and

translator for the General

Headquarters (GHQ). After the war, she

married Noburo Kamiya, had two

children, and fulfilled her roles as a wife

and mother, as well as translating the

works of Marcus Aurelius, Michel

Foucault, Gregory G.P. Gilborg, Khalil

Gibran, and others. Mieko's impact on

the advancement of Japanese

psychiatry and her reach within the

broader cultural landscape are

unparalleled.

Even from this brief summary of her

achievements and career, you can see

how Mieko was blessed with rare talent

and ability, and how much work she

accomplished. However, Mieko did not

accomplish this work easily. She had a

strong sense of mission and desire that

could be described as an urge, and as a

woman with a family, she also had

marked conflicts regarding how to

approach her work. This can be seen

from the diaries she left behind that

were published after her death: “Diary

of My Youth”, “Mieko Kamiya Diary”,

and “Mieko Kamiya and Masa Uraguchi

Correspondence Collection”.

Here, through the vivid narrative

mainly written in her diaries, I would

like to outline Mieko's life, and highlight

the suffering she faced throughout it,

especially as a truth-seeker and woman.

I. The Life of Mieko Kamiya

1. From birth to age 18

1) Birth and Family

Mieko was born in Okayama City on

January 12, 1914 as the second child

and eldest daughter of her father,

Tamon Maeda, and mother, Fusako. Her

siblings were an older brother, two

younger sisters, and a younger brother.

Mieko herself said that she had a dark

impression of her childhood, and that

she was a whiny, fussy child.

2) The education that Mieko received

Mieko enrolled in Shimo-Ochiai

Elementary School in 1920 (age 6), and

the following year she was transferred

to the elementary school section of the

Sacred Heart School.

21) In 1923 (age 9),

Tamon was appointed as the Japanese

government representative to the

International Labour Organization in

Geneva, and the family moved to

Switzerland with him.

21) Mieko was

enrolled in the primary school

associated with the Jean-Jacques

Rousseau Institute, and from the age of

11 she attended the junior high school

division of the International School of

Geneva.

21) The fact that she was

educated in French for three and a half

years from the age of nine had a marked

impact on her. She came to feel that

thinking in French was the most

natural thing for her, and this is

thought to have laid the foundations for

her later attitude to learning and spirit

of inquiry.

In 1926 (age 12), her family returned

to Japan, and the following year, Mieko

was transferred to Jiyu Gakuen, but in

September she was transferred to Seijo

Girls' High School.

21) At the same time,

she continued to study French at

Athénée Français, and also studied the

Bible at the meetings of her maternal

uncle, Tsuneo Kanazawa, a Christian

missionary of the non-denominational

church. In 1932 (age 18), encouraged by

her older brother, she was enrolled in

the main course at Tsuda Eigaku Juku.

In her second year, on the verge of

graduating, she was asked by the

headmaster what she would do to

contribute to society in the future, and

she was at a loss for an answer,

wondering what kind of path she should

take.7)

2. Encounter with leprosy patients (age

19)

In 1933 (age 19), Mieko visited the

Tamazenshoen Leprosy Sanatorium at

the request of her uncle, Tsuneo, who

asked her to play the organ. “For

someone who knew nothing about the

disease of leprosy, the appearance of the

patients was a great shock. “Even

though we were born in the same world,

there are people who have to suffer from

such a disease…. It was as if my very

existence was shaken".

7) After observing

the relationship between a motherly

nurse and patient, she thought: “I want

to work with patients like this! This is

where I belong!”, and she strongly

desired to work as a doctor, but she had

to give up due to her parents' strong

opposition.9)

3. Tuberculosis, convalescence, and the

path to medicine (ages 20-25)

1) Tuberculosis and convalescence

In 1935 (age 21), Mieko graduated

from the main course at Tsuda Eigaku

Juku and went on to study at the

university department, but it was

discovered that she had contracted

pulmonary tuberculosis. She was in a

state of relative calm during her first

recovery period, but when she relapsed,

she begged to go to her parents' villa in

Shinshu by herself.9) Determined to

“read the world's great books in their

original forms”, she immersed herself in

reading while living a regular life as her

doctor had instructed, and read the New

Testament in Greek, Homer, Plato, and

Marcus Aurelius's “Meditations” in

classical Greek.9)

2) Encounter with Marcus Aurelius's

“Meditations”

It was "Meditations" that helped

Mieko, who felt that she had become

“useless” after contracting tuberculosis,

to “discover the basis of the meaning of

life”.

13) Mieko says that Aurelius taught

her to think about things cosmically and

to take a detached perspective.

13)

3) “Reconstruction experience” and

“Flash of light experience”

Although the exact timing is

unknown, during this period of

recuperation, she experienced what she

later called “reconstruction experience”

and “flash of light experience”. In “A

Japanese Woman's Memoir”, she writes:

“I had been thinking that the only two

options for me were madness or suicide.

Suddenly, a dazzling flash of light like a

bolt of lightning crossed my field of

vision from the upper right diagonal. At

the same time, I was filled with intense

joy from the bottom of my heart, and I

found myself blurting out words of

victory that seemed strange to me”.

6)

This seems to be an account of her own

experience.

4) Cure of tuberculosis, moving to the

United States

Fortunately, the tuberculosis was

cured by the artificial pneumothorax

surgery she underwent in 1937 (age 23),

but her doctor told her not to get

married for five years. That same year,

Mieko was awarded a Japanese

Women's Scholarship to the United

States, and she decided to study abroad

in the United States.

9) The following

year, her father was appointed as the

director of the Japanese Cultural

Center in New York, so the whole family

moved to the United States, and Mieko,

at the age of 24, enrolled in the

Graduate School of Columbia

University's Department of Greek

Literature.

10)

In the United States, at the age of 25,

she spent a brief period of time from

February to June in a Christian Quaker

dormitory called Pendle Hill, at the

suggestion of her mother.10) She met

many people, but the encounter with

her lifelong friend, Masa Uraguchi, was

particularly important.10)

5) Medicine

Around that time, Mieko went to the

World's Fair in New York with her

father and sister. Here is a quote from

Mieko's diary: “We visited the World

Fair in the morning. ... What I was most

attracted to was the Public Health

Medicine and British Social Work

sections. When I went to those places, I

was so absorbed that I didn't move for a

long time. When my father and Toshiko

took turns explaining this to my mother

when we got home, my father suddenly

laughed and said, 'Mieko, you might

become a doctor. You've become

obsessed with medicine too. Maybe it's

fate or something. All right, I've given

up too. As long as I'm alive, I'll support

you, so go ahead'. I was startled. 'What?

Are you serious?' 'Yes, I am'. My father's

face was serious”.

5) (May 13, 1939, age 25)

Six years had passed from the time

she was 19 and longed to work as a

doctor until she received her father's

permission.

4. From medical education to

graduation (ages 25 to 30)

1) While studying medicine

In September 1939 (age 25), Mieko

began studying medicine at Columbia

University's School of Medicine.

10)

Although her family had already

returned to Japan, due to the worsening

situation, the prediction that Japan

would start a war, and the fact that she

was told that she would not be able to

work as a doctor in Japan unless she

obtained a Japanese medical license,

Mieko also returned to Japan in July

1940 (age 26). In 1941 (age 27), Mieko

transferred to the main course at Tokyo

Women's Medical College. While

studying hard, her thoughts about

leprosy were always in the back of her

mind, and in August 1943 (age 29), just

before graduation, she spent 12 days at

the Nagashima Aiseien Sanatorium,

where she received practical training

under the supervision of Director

Kensuke Mitsuda.

11)

2) Entering the world of psychiatry

Mieko decided to pursue a career in

psychiatry after graduating from

university, partly because of her father's

strong opposition to her going to Aiseien,

and partly because she met Toshiki

Shimazaki, the head of the Department

of Psychiatry at Tokyo Imperial

University, and became strongly

attracted to psychiatry.16) When she

visited Tokyo Metropolitan Matsuzawa

Hospital, she wrote: “I thought that the

hardships of the people who work here

are no less than those of people who

work in hospitals....I am attracted to

this point, a path where people are

rarely thanked or admired”.

3)

(December 14, 1943, age 29) However,

as can be seen in the passage: “When I

said that I couldn't make up my mind

about going into psychiatry because I

felt bad about leprosy, Masa laughed at

me and said, ‘You're like someone who's

engaged to a leper’3) (January 5, 1944)”,

her feelings were wavering.

3) On the eve of graduation

One day, on the eve of her graduation,

Mieko was walking down a street in

Shinjuku, Tokyo, almost in tears. “I'm

going to break myself, I'm going to break

myself”, she mumbled to herself, biting

her lips as she felt like crying at any

moment. “The thing that would be

‘broken’ is my ideal. The dream of

becoming a doctor and making a daily

effort to serve others was also

something fleeting when it became a

reality. First of all, I am the one who will

destroy this dream. What good can come

from me, who is too weak in body and

mind, who is ugly?”

5) (July 11 of the same year) Due to the worsening war

situation, Mieko graduated from Tokyo

Women's Medical College in September

of the same year, six months ahead of

schedule, at the top of her class, and

received her medical license.3)

5. As a psychiatrist (from the age of 30)

1) Entering the Department of

Psychiatry at the Faculty of Medicine,

Tokyo Imperial University

On October 10, 1944 (age 30), Mieko

entered the Department of Psychiatry

at the Faculty of Medicine, Tokyo

Imperial University, and began training

as a psychiatrist under Professor

Uchimura Yushi. She wrote: “I never

thought there would be a job that would

fit me so perfectly, without a single flaw,

as this work in psychiatry. I can't help

feeling that I was born to do this”.

3)

(October 18 of the same year) However,

there were days when she wrote: “I have

painfully experienced over the past

couple of days how my careless and

showy personality affects my attitude

towards learning, and I have become

completely anxious. There were also

days when I would reflect on my

situation with painful feelings,

wondering if I had any qualifications to

study or to be a doctor at all”.

3)

(November 19 of the same year)

In the course of her studies in

psychiatry, Mieko also became aware of

her own pathological aspects. She listed

her own depressive and manic states,

writing: “In short, I am schizothymic

(split temperament) + zyklothymic

(manic-depressive personality), so I

should be able to understand most

psychopathologies”3) (January 31, 1945,

age 31), and she later reflected that she

was attracted to Birnbaum's

“Psychopathologie” because it “made my

own pathological [sick] nature clearer

and clearer”.

3) (March 26 of that year)

Mieko also felt that she was constantly

living on the edge of chaos, and was

aware of the threat of chaos, being

attacked by “a sense of doom, as if I

myself were being torn apart and

scattered in all directions”.

3) She was

also aware of the need to “shape

something out of this chaos that would

be acceptable to other people”.

3) (May 15

of the same year) in order to avoid a

mental disorder.

2) In the midst of a worsening war

situation

In March 1945 (at the age of 31), the

war situation was worsening, and war

victims were also being sent to

psychiatric hospitals, where they were

forced to deal with the dying. Amidst

this, Mieko was surprised to see that

“Many doctors were leaving the care of

these patients to just one doctor, and not

even paying attention to them”. “I don't

like doing things that seem like a

doctor's job, or I've already forgotten

about internal medicine and surgery -

how can such excuses be accepted?

Becoming a doctor means forming an

inseparable bond with people who are

suffering, doesn't it?"3) She was

outraged, but also thought: “It was hard

for me to believe that a doctor could be

indifferent to the suffering of others. I

had always thought that the motivation

for becoming a doctor should be to serve

others above all else, without question.

But it wasn't like that at all...What a

stupid idiot I am”.

3) (March 19 of that year)

Later, their house in Higashi-Nakano

was burned down in an air raid, but

Mieko felt that “since Miyagi and Omiya

Palace were also hit, it was only natural

that we were hit too, and I even felt that

it was good that we were hit like

everyone else”.

5) (May 26 of that year)

Although her family had evacuated,

Mieko lived in the psychiatric ward of

the University of Tokyo and worked on

her medical practice and studies.

11)

6. After the war, helping her father

1) End of the war, thoughts on her

father

Immediately after the war ended in

August of the same year, her father

Tamon was appointed Minister of

Education. “The more I thought about

my father's job, the more I felt the

weight of responsibility and wondered if

he would be able to fulfill it even a little.

It may seem presumptuous and funny to

say this, but if you think about the close

relationship between me and my father

from long ago, you will naturally

understand. As when he was the

governor of Niigata Prefecture, I was

the first family member to see my father

after he was appointed to that position.

When I rushed to the Imperial Hotel,

my father said to me: “We're in big

trouble”. At that time, I said to him: “If

you're going to die for this job, isn't that

okay?” I vowed to do everything I could

to help my father.”

4) (September 2-26 of

the same year) This is what she confided

in Masa.

2) Mieko's struggle

Mieko took a break from her work in

the medical office and began work

translating documents for the Ministry

of Education, but she was conflicted. “I

can't help wanting to live by revealing

my true nature. My true nature is

“nonsense”. I don't really know how to

integrate the aesthetisch (esthetic),

religiös (religious), wissenschaftlich

(scientific), and sozial (social) aspects of

myself. Each of these aspects pulls me

in different directions, and I feel like I'll

be torn apart if I'm not careful. They all

have the same power as instincts such

as sexual desire and appetite - or maybe

they are instincts themselves. It is

because I think this that I resonate with

Nietzsche. (omission) I must be the one

who is completely possessed by the

seven demons”.

3) (October 18 of that

year) Mieko referred to these instincts

and impulses as demons or devils.

3)

The following year, in 1946 (age 32),

her father resigned. At the request of

his successor, Minister Abe Yoshishige,

Mieko continued to work as an

interpreter and translator for GHQ and

other organizations. In May, when Abe

resigned, she also resigned and

returned to work at the University of

Tokyo's Department of Psychiatry.

7. Marriage to Noburo Kamiya, childrearing (from age 32)

1) Marriage to Noburo

Mieko was to marry Noburo Kamiya,

a lecturer of the Department of Botany

in the Faculty of Science at Tokyo

Imperial University, and she wrote: “His

love and understanding are pouring

down on me like the spring rain...I feel

that I don't deserve to have such a

spring, and I feel that I don't know what

to do when I think about all the

unhappy people in the world”.

3)

(February 16, 1946, age 32) Despite her

confusion, she continued to deepen her

love for him. They married in July of

that year and rented a four-and-a-half

tatami mat room to live in. She began

working at the medical office three

times a week, and in order to support

her family and help Noburo succeed as

a scholar, she began working part-time

translating Japanese into English.

2) Life of child-rearing and part-time

work

In April 1947 (age 33), their first son

was born. Mieko started working as a

private tutor for English, German, and

French. In 1949 (age 35), when Noburo

was working as a professor at the

Faculty of Science at Osaka University,

their second son was born in December.

In the same year, Mieko translated and

published Marcus Aurelius'

"Meditations". In 1950 (age 36),

Noburo moved to the United States, and

Mieko began teaching French at

Athénée Français while raising their

two children. In 1951 (age 37), Noburo

returned to Japan, Mieko resigned from

the Tokyo University Medical

Department, and the family moved to

Ashiya. Mieko became a part-time

lecturer at Kobe College, but she

continued to suffer, saying: “The devil

was raging at that time, and I don't

know how many times I felt like giving

up on everything”.

5) (October 16, 1951)

3) Entering the Department of

Neurology at Osaka University School

of Medicine

In November of the same year, Mieko

entered the Department of Neurology at

Osaka University School of Medicine as

a research student and resumed her

studies in psychiatry. However, in 1953

(age 39), it was discovered that her

second son, who was three and a half

years old, had contracted miliary

tuberculosis, and in order to buy the

expensive streptomycin, Mieko started

a private French language school.

21) In

1954 (age 40), she became an assistant

professor in the English Department at

Kobe College, but the family finances

were still tight. “When I'm correcting

English every day, I get frustrated and

want to kill myself. Is life about doing

things you don't want to do? How long

do I have to be a language teacher?

Language, you are my curse. If I spend

so much time on such things, I'll never

be able to stand as a psychiatrist ... I

have to live each day wisely and

somehow achieve my goals before I go

too crazy. I must fulfill the psychiatric

work that only I can do”.

5) (August 27 of the same year) 

Despite her suffering,

she encouraged herself. Her eldest son

was 7 years old and her second son was

4 years old.

8. Research at Nagashima Aiseien and

writing “On the Meaning of Life” (ages

43-58)

1) Discovering uterine cancer and

turning to psychiatric research

In 1955 (age 41), her mother passed

away. Mieko was diagnosed with earlystage uterine cancer, but this was

successfully treated with radium

irradiation.5) At Noburo's suggestion,

she approached Professor Jiro Kaneko

of the Department of Neurology at

Osaka University and asked for

permission to conduct psychiatric

research on leprosy. In September 1956

(age 42), she visited Nagashima Aiseien

for the first time in 13 years and

conducted the first survey. From April

1957 (age 43), she became a part-time

lecturer at Aiseien, and while carrying

out her medical practice, she spent a

total of 50 days conducting psychiatric

research there by 1958 (age 44).

21)

2) Mieko's sadness

Mieko's feelings were complex, even

though she had longed to practice

medicine and conduct research in

Aiseien. Going to Aiseien*2: “Whenever

I'm about to leave for this trip, I feel sad

at the thought of parting from N, R, and

T*3

, and I get depressed”.

8) (October 30,

1957, age 43) “As the day got closer, it

became harder to leave N and the

children, and I haven't been able to

sleep well for the past few days. I feel

like a heartless villain. I couldn't take

my eyes off the mother with her two

little boys on the train”.

8) (March 28,

1958, age 44) She blamed herself and

was tormented by her pain and grief.

3) Revelation from Van Gogh, and the

writing of “On the Meaning of Life”

While continuing to visit Aiseien once

or twice a month, she wrote her

dissertation: "Psychiatric Studies on

Leprosy”, but when she went to see the

Van Gogh exhibition, Mieko had a

revelation that she should devote

herself to artistic expression and the

rest of her life to that mission.5)

(December 20, 1958) Noburo agreed,

and the content was finalized with the

words: “I want to put together a piece of

writing called ‘On the Imi Feeling’,

including the case of being

pathological”.

5) (November 10, 1959, age

45) After completing her dissertation,

she began writing: “On the Meaning of

Life”.

4) Medical treatment at Nagashima

Aiseien

In 1960 (age 46), after being awarded

a doctorate in medicine from Osaka

University and becoming a professor at

Kobe College24)

, Mieko continued to

provide medical treatment at Aiseien.

“I was able to come out again today.

I'm tired from busy school work, and I'm

always worried about the children and

N. But everyone at home is fine, and

they seem to have accepted my

occasional 'running away' from home as

if it were normal. But my heart is

always torn apart”.

8) (June 10, 1961, age 47) 

“Last night, as I was about to say

goodbye to my family, I became

depressed and couldn't even speak”.

8)

(July 24 of the same year) Although her

sadness continued, going to Aiseien was

a path Mieko could not avoid.17)

She also struggled and suffered in

terms of her treatment at Aiseien. “I

would quickly get into a cold bath and

fall asleep immediately. It felt like I had

become a garbage dump for people's

emotions.... Even in places like leprosy

sanatoriums, the majority of people live

their lives by wearing down their

peripheral nerves, just like in the

outside world. Desire, envy, irritation,

hatred - the pain of being obsessed with

oneself and trying to protect oneself at

all costs, the futility of it all. But if you

think about it, isn't that how you are

too?”

8) (July 21, 1960, age 46)

Regarding her interaction with a

patient, she wrote: “The patient said in

a depressed tone, ‘I have no joy left. My

hands and feet are useless, and I'm

completely defeated. I have to bear all

the sins of others as well”, but then

suddenly he said: “But it is a comfort to

have someone listen to my thoughts like

this”, and I was surprised that she had

broken through her previous hardness....

“This time, I was made to think a lot.

Anyway, there is joy in life in resisting

stagnation”.

8) (October 22 of the same

year); as she wrote, there was much to

learn and be aware of.

She sometimes wrote to Masa like

this: "The difficult patients here are

probably beyond your imagination. Last

night I was abused by one person for 20

or 30 minutes. And it was for something

I didn't even do. But I've gradually

gotten used to just smiling and being

quiet. I even fell asleep in the duty room

after that, so I guess my nerves got

pretty strong. I learned a lot here about

how aggressive people can be. I think

they want to vent their anger

somewhere, as an outlet for the

suffering caused by the great

misfortune of leprosy”.

4) (April 29, 1967,age 53). 

In 1962 (age 48), her father

Tamon died of stomach cancer.

5) As a psychiatrist

Mieko became a part-time employee

at Aiseien in April 1957 (age 43) as a

result of her interest in psychiatric

research.

21) In 1965 (age 51), she became

the head of the psychiatric department

and continued to work twice a month

from Wednesday to Saturday (Figure).

In 1967 (age 53), she went from being

the chief doctor to working part-time,

and in April 1972 (age 58), she resigned

from Aiseien for health reasons.

8) What

did Mieko think about and what kind of

treatment did she provide as a

psychiatrist during these 15 years? 

In

her diary, she wrote: “When I think of

each patient, I feel a sense of

helplessness. It must be a task that

requires more than human effort. I can't

do it. All I can do is look in that

direction”.

8) (May 14, 1961, age 47)

In a book review of Kaga Otohiko's

“Flanders no Fuyu” (Winter in

Flanders), Mieko wrote: “Being a

psychiatrist is a difficult profession that

requires one to constantly face the abyss

that lies at the root of human existence,

unless one becomes completely

insensitive. It is a profession that has

aspects that exceed human capabilities

and aspects for which humans are not

qualified for. Perhaps for this reason,

the more seriously you take your work,

the more you want to escape from it

from time to time”.

15) According to her

colleague Yukihiko Takahashi, Mieko

“would think about what method would

be best for the patient, considering the

patient's thoughts and suffering, even

while examining the patient. She

respected the patient's spiritual

freedom or something like that”.

25)

9. The final years (ages 58 to 65)

In December 1971 (age 57), she had

her first attack of angina pectoris, and

after which she was repeatedly

admitted to and discharged from

hospital for angina pectoris, transient

ischemic attacks, etc.21) Fortunately, she

did not suffer any serious after-effects,

and when she was in a stable condition,

she would devote herself to housework,

reading, and writing manuscripts.

20)

Here is an excerpt from her thoughts in

her later years: “I have no power to heal

even a single one of the many sick

people. I have to leave the rest to God

and live each day as it comes. Even after

I became a doctor, I realized that I didn't

understand anything about people. It

seems that I studied to understand

that”.

5) (October 18, 1972, age 58) 

“I feel

that I have finally become free of

everything, having gone to the point of

dementia and paralysis. More than

anything else, I have learned to my

heart's content about my own

limitations”.

5) (December 31, 1974, age 60)

 “I want to live each day that remains

to me with care. However, when I have

a headache or a sore leg, my whole being

becomes pain itself. What should I do?”

5)

(June 17, 1978, age 64) It seems that she

entrusted herself to God, reflected on

the past, and lived her life while coming

to terms with her health.

The wife of the second son reported

that in her later years, Mieko talked a

lot, and that she would read materials

related to Virginia Woolf and psychiatry,

exclaiming: "Oh, how interesting!" and

"How mysterious!" Her voice was so

youthful and vibrant that it was

reminiscent of her childhood, when she

was called Mimi.19) According to Noburo,

in the days before her death, she

expressed her gratitude and prayed for

those she left behind on a daily basis.

20)

In 1979, she was hospitalized three

times for transient ischemic attacks, but

on October 22, during her brief visit

home, she suffered an acute heart

attack and died at Okazaki City

Hospital. She was 65 years old.

21)

II. Mieko's Suffering

1. As a truth-seeker

Mieko, who was attracted to

literature and art and who thought

about her inner self and essential things,

was puzzled when her teacher at the

Tsuda School of English asked her what

she would do for society. Shortly after

that, however, she met people with

leprosy in Tamazenshoen, and she

began to long to be a doctor for those

with leprosy. After that, she contracted

tuberculosis, but was cured, and this too

seems to have led to feelings of guilt and

regret at the thought: “Why only me?”,

and she came to long even more to be at

the side of the sick. Mieko became

convinced of her mission and the path

she should follow, saying: “Now is

neither a time to suffer for myself nor a

time to rejoice”.

5) (April 2, 1939, age 25)

“If I were to abandon what I believe to

be my mission for mere convenience, I

would lose respect for myself”.

5)

(December 18 of the same year)

However, she sometimes wavered in her

thoughts, thinking: “I am not Florence

Nightingale or Joan of Arc. If I could, I

would like to be freed from this sense of

duty and live a quiet, ordinary life as a

woman”.

5) (August 27, 1943, age 29)

Mieko's “sense of mission” was, in

part, “to be involved in medicine as a

way of loving people” (April 29, 1944,

age 30), it was a subjective “sense of God

that I feel, a kind of inspiration that I

feel all over my body” that she lived by,

and it was something that came

instinctively.

3) (November 26 of the same year)

Moreover, Mieko was strongly

attracted to various things, and stated:

“how to live with all of these things -

natural scientific objectivity and the

desire to explore, artistic contemplation

and sensuality, moral purity and

restraint, religious immersion and

resignation - is still my problem. I have

a head that is about to burst, about to

explode into a thousand pieces”.

3)

(November 28 of the same year)

She also had a strong desire to not

only be at the side of the sick, but to

express that in some way. She became

more and more attracted to: “A life in

which one observes oneself and others

closely and listens carefully, in which

one engages in a one-on-one battle with

patients - that is, with 'people' and 'life'

- from a human and academic

perspective, in which one devours and

digests the 'essential' and becomes blood

and flesh and writes with that blood and

flesh", "A life of 'on-site', the opposite of

a life that is flashy and ostentatious on

the surface of society, playing with

words and actions that are half-baked",

"A life that is humble and serious, but

also poetic and full of humor and tears",

and "A life that quietly enjoys the

tragedy, poetry and beauty of life,

instead of making big speeches about

trying to change society or the nation”.

3) (October 25, 1945)

She also had a strong desire to work,

and while translating for GHQ after the

war, she wrote: “My desire to work is

aroused by every stimulus. This in turn

raises concerns about married life. No

matter how much you prepare mentally,

who can guarantee that this 'work fiend'

won't destroy family life when the time

comes? I want to write, I want to

research, I want to present my

research... What should I do about this

burning urge?”

5) (January 30, 1946, age 32) and she was at a loss.

As we have seen, one of the internal

problems that caused Mieko's suffering

as a truth-seeker was that she was torn

between various impulses, such as

wanting to be a doctor and be at the side

of the suffering, having a strong desire

for science, art, morality, and religion,

wanting to work, wanting to research,

and wanting to express something. The

other was an external, practical

problem, namely the fact that, after

marriage, she had a long period of

difficulty in following the path she

wanted to take. During the time when

she had a family and was away from

psychiatry, she continued to inspire

herself, as she wrote: “Deep down, my

heart is with the sick and suffering. My

mission will not be complete until I have

fulfilled my work in that world".

2)

(September 24, 1959, age 45) “I am

already 46 years old and have not yet

fully recovered from the effects of the

radium I received during my cancer

treatment.... With the remaining time

and strength I have, I must fulfill my

mission. I cannot die without having

done so. Who can understand this

intense sense of mission? ... There is

something in me that goes beyond my

own understanding”.

2) (May 15, 1960,age 46)

As mentioned above, even after she

was able to attend Aiseien, she still had

to deal with the pain of leaving her

family behind and the difficulties and

suffering of being a psychiatrist that

came with being there for the patients'

pain.

However, it is precisely because she

endured these struggles and conflicts

for so long that she was able to create a

body of work that so richly encompasses

the many impulses and experiences that

Mieko had, especially in her work "On

the Meaning of Life". The same is true

of her other works, and the author

suspects that if Mieko had not

experienced these sufferings, they

would have been completely different

and not read for long.

2. As a woman

Mieko thought that she was “born a

woman and a 'monster' at the same

time”5) (March 2, 1944, age 30), and

“What a tragedy that I was born a

woman and have this personality. What

a fate I have been burdened with”5)

(December 17 of the same year), “For a

woman who is immersed in her work, it

15

is easy to become grotesque because she

is a woman. I am sometimes horrified by

the adventure I am about to embark

on.”

5) (February 17, 1945, age 31) “I

must say that I am unfortunately a

masculine person. I feel that I am shut

out of normal life, both in terms of

circumstances and in terms of my own

qualities.”

5) (December 9 of the same

year), and she was well aware that she

was different from ordinary women.

She also pointed out that there is a

serious division among creative women,

saying that “motherhood, as it exists in

the biological form of women, is

something that is completely absorbed

by the child in front of them”, and that

it has nothing to do with a high level of

spiritual life”, and that "therefore, if

women want to do spiritual creation, it

may be better to give up motherhood”.

2)

Despite this, Mieko fulfilled her

various roles as a woman - daughter,

younger sister, older sister, wife, and

mother - and achieved creative work. As

a daughter, she strongly supported her

father, Tamon, who was the Minister of

Education after the war, and after her

marriage, she devoted herself to raising

her first son, who was born prematurely,

and her second son, who was seriously

ill, while supporting and wishing

success to her husband, Noburo, as a

scholar. Her love and respect for Noburo,

as well as her happiness as a mother,

must have made her family life very

fulfilling. It is believed that there are

many women who are so busy with the

daily chores of housework and childcare

and working to support themselves that

they lose sight of their own path and

goals and give them up. However, Mieko

never gave up, and despite her suffering,

she chose to walk her own path and live

as a family-minded person. The feelings

of guilt she experienced when visiting

Aiseien and the depression that made it

difficult for her to speak continued

throughout the long period she spent

repeatedly visiting Aiseien, and it

seems that she also continued to suffer

and grieve as a woman, wife, and

mother.

Mieko also thought deeply about the

difficulties women face in creating, and

she wrote about the need for women to

realize that the things that prevent

them from being spiritually

independent and creative are within

themselves.2) This may have enabled

Mieko to devote herself to creative work

and expression, including “On the

Meaning of Life”.

3. What supported Mieko

While working as a psychiatrist,

Mieko became aware of her own

psychopathology.

It is not clear whether she was afraid

of developing a mental illness, but Hisao

Nakai points out that: "even if Mieko

Kamiya was secretly afraid of

16

Copyright: ©The Japanese Society of Psychiatry and Neurology and Author

developing a mental illness, it is only

natural, and it is even possible to say

that she succeeded where many mental

patients had failed”.

24)

When I read this point, I thought of

Mieko's intense desire to express herself,

and the French sculptor Camille

Claudel, as well as Chieko, the wife of

the Japanese sculptor and poet Kotaro

Takamura, came to mind.

It is believed that both struggled to

live in the world of creation and

developed mental illnesses that were

deeply related to the relationship with

their partners and the burdens that

resulted from it.22)23)

According to Nakai, the fact that

Mieko succeeded in her life, which was

full of strong impulses and conflicts,

was like: “running through a narrow

ridge with steep cliffs on both sides”.

24)

Assuming that Mieko was afraid of

developing a mental illness, were there

any factors or protective factors that

prevented her from developing one? One

factor would be the depth of Mieko's

self-understanding and her ability to

cope with many hardships. In addition,

the presence of Mieko's god, her sons

and other family members, Plato,

Marcus Aurelius, Nietzsche, Uraguchi

Masa, and Mitani Takamasa,

14) whom

she called “the only teacher I have ever

met in this world”, would also have

supported her.

Of these, the author believes that the

most important for Mieko was the

presence of Noburo and his

understanding of her. Her second son,

Toru, said at a gathering to

commemorate the 100th anniversary of

Mieko's birth: “My mother was someone

who didn't understand jokes. She

always seems to be smiling in the photos,

but I think she was someone who cried

and got angry quite intensely, and who

had a lot of strong emotions. This is

probably because my father was a very

gentle person, so I felt that even more

strongly”.

1) It is believed that Noburo's

stable and gentle personality and

attitude, as well as his deep

understanding of Mieko and his support

and assistance in achieving her goals,

protected and supported her.

There is a particularly memorable

letter she wrote to Masa: “The other day,

when I was absorbed in writing my

paper, even though my husband and

children came into my room from time

to time, I just turned around and said

‘What?’, not knowing what to say, and I

was so confused that it was as if I had

met a foreigner, and I couldn't even say

a single word. (This is something I can't

really talk about with other people, but

strangely enough, my husband said I

was “divine” (?!), and the children are

very worried about whether my paper is

going well. This is something I really

feel is a waste, and I feel full of gratitude,

17

Copyright: ©The Japanese Society of Psychiatry and Neurology and Author

and I want to at least repay everyone

and make amends when I'm back in the

real world and have regained my

senses)”.

4) (April 7, 1965, age 51) 

This is

thought to be an episode that shows the

respect Noburo had for Mieko, to the

point where he thought she was “divine”.

Mieko also wrote, "N went to Tokyo

yesterday. Even though we're close - or

maybe because we're close - when I'm

away from him, I really slow down, both

in terms of time and emotion”.

2) It seems

that a not too close marital relationship

has also helped to stabilize Mieko.

After Mieko's death, Noburo wrote:

“Whenever the day of her departure for

Aiseien approached, she became sad

and depressed. The cause of her sadness

was probably that she felt she was a

‘heartless mother’ and a ‘bad wife’ for

leaving her children and husband

behind. On the other hand, an inner

‘voice’ - or perhaps it would be better to

call it a ‘demon’- told her to go to Aiseien.

What a contradiction! Her mind, which

was trying to reconcile two things that

were difficult to reconcile, was also a

mass of contradictions, as she well

understood. Depending on how you look

at it, it could even be called tragic....

Once she left home, she was no longer a

wife or a mother, but a truth-seeker,

Mieko Kamiya”.

20) It seems to the

author that Noburo supported Mieko

through her tragedy and suffering, and

that he himself achieved the great feat

of remaining a husband of a truthseeker.

Conclusion

This paper has discussed Mieko

Kamiya's life, focusing on her thoughts

and narratives in her diaries, and has

considered her struggles as a truthseeker and woman, and finally I have

described what supported Mieko.

Although Mieko's many achievements

were the result of her talent and hard

work, the author feels that these

achievements shine even brighter

because she faced many difficulties,

continued to struggle with her inner

conflicts, and suffered herself while

standing by the side of the sick and

suffering. I sincerely hope that this

paper will serve as an opportunity to

remember Mieko and her writings, and

that they will be re-examined and

continued to be used in modern

psychiatry and for the benefit of the sick.

Editor’s note: This is a review article

based on the educational lecture at the

117th Annual Meeting of the Japanese

Society of Psychiatry and Neurology.

There is no conflict of interest to

disclose in relation to this article.

Acknowledgements: I would like to

express my sincere gratitude to Mr.

Toru Kamiya and his wife, Nagako, for

their understanding of the educational

lecture at the 117th Annual Meeting of

the Japanese Society of Psychiatry and

Neurology and this article, and for

allowing us to use her precious

photograph.

===

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Notes

*1. In order to focus on Mieko's story,

the expression “Mieko” is used, and the

word “rai (leprosy)” is used in part due

to the social situation at the time.

*2. Nagashima Aiseien

*3. Noburo, Ritsu (the eldest son), and

Toru (the second son)

Figure: At Nagashima Aiseien (February 1966)

(Adapted from Reference 18)

==

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